Being me can only mean
Feeling scared to breathe
If you leave me then I’ll be afraid of everything
That makes me anxious, gives me patience, calms me down
Lets me face this, let me sleep, and when I wake up (I wake up, I wake up)
Let me be
– Afraid, The Neighbourhood

Tuesday, December 2, 2003

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

“All right, baby watch, Day Three,” Carly said as Francis pushed the door open and she bustled in, pushing Morgan’s portable bassinet. “Let’s pop this sucker out today, what do you say?”

Elizabeth smiled, but just leaned her head back against the arm of the sofa. “From your mouth to God’s ears. Ugh.” Since Kelly had told her at her doctor’s appointment three days earlier that she was two centimeters dilated and that it could be any day now, Carly and Sonny had decided she should ever ever be alone.

Ever. Ever. Carly still remembered her difficult delivery of Michael, and Sonny…well, he was just a control freak. So they both alternated in the penthouse during the day, with the help of Audrey and Nadine, and Marco and Ricky, her evening guards, alternated spending the night in one of the guest rooms while the other sat on the door.

She hadn’t had a moment’s peace in three days, but she wouldn’t know what to do with that peace anyway. Strange that the penthouse seemed more quiet without Jason since he wasn’t much of a talker, but well…such was life. He’d made the choice to leave and his missing the birth of her child told her everything she needed to know about how he felt about her daughter.

“Morgan’s taking his nap, so let’s just hope he stays down for a few hours.” Carly grinned down at him and then at Elizabeth. “I’m getting good at this mom thing. Michael’s a breeze, always was. By the time I came home from the nuthouse, Jason had him on such a schedule that I barely had to do any work—” She coughed. “Not that we’re talking about it.”

“It’s fine, Carly.” Elizabeth closed her eyes. “Just because Jason and I aren’t going to work out—” She paused when she heard Carly muttering under her breath across the room. “What was that?”

“You’re both dumb bastards,” Carly said, her hands on her hips. “I bet you didn’t even let him get a word in edgewise while you broke his heart, and then he’s dumb enough to let you get away with it. This is what happens when I don’t take a hands on role in helping.”

“What exactly would you have done differently?” Elizabeth demanded. “I gave him months to step up, to talk about the future. I asked him dozens of times—”

“Ah, can it, Muffin. You and I both know you did not ask him straight out.” Carly waved her hand. “I don’t blame you, because I told Jason what you were thinking because a blind man could have seen it, but he wasn’t going to ask straight out either, because you were both so damn sure of the answers.”

“Ugh. Carly—”

“Nope. You didn’t say to his face: Jason, I love you. I want to be a family. Do you want to be a family with me with Cady? Do you want her to be your daughter?” Carly huffed. “I told him that’s what you were freaking out about, but does anyone ever listen to Carly? Nope. And he never said to your face: Muffin, I love you—”

“—he wouldn’t call me Muffin, for one—”

“I want Cady to be mine, blah, blah. Cowards.” Carly tucked Morgan in more tightly. “But I guess I figure it’s what he didn’t say that matters.”

“Carly.” Elizabeth looked at her. “Is that why you were nice to me? And asked me to be Morgan’s godmother? Because you were pushing me and Jason together? Because if that’s the only reason, then let me know right now so I can be prepared for things to go back to the way they used to be.”

“Oh…” Carly sighed. “You mean, like Courtney said that day at Kelly’s, that you were only family until Jason dropped you, like she was. Hey, I was only nice to her because I thought she’d be good for Jason. That wasn’t true. You…” She eyed Elizabeth. “You’re different. Sonny’s not going to let me get rid of you as easily.”

“Would you if you could?”

“It’s usually a reflex,” Carly admitted. “I think Jason learned it from me. You push people away before they can leave you. You test them. And if they go, they failed.” She sighed. “You know what’s what he’s been doing to you. He thought you were going to leave anyway.”

“And he did nothing to stop me, like always.” Elizabeth closed her eyes and winced as Cady whacked her in the ribs. “If it were just me, Carly, I’d stay, but—”

“It’ll never be just you again, so you’ve got to plan accordingly.” Carly shrugged. “We are where we are. I’m not giving up.” She frowned. “Muffin, you’re making that face again.”

“I think Cady’s trying to move into my bladder or…something.” Elizabeth shifted and started to sit up. “Crap. Can you help?”

Carly came forward and helped Elizabeth into a sitting position. “You sure that’s all it is?”

“Don’t get too excited—” Elizabeth broke off, as everything inside her clenched at once and she lost her breath. “Oh, son of a bitch.”

“Contraction?” Carly demanded. “Or the Braxton-Hicks like they were last month? Tell me, Muffin—”

“Remember…my grandmother told me that I’d know the difference between false and real contractions?” Elizabeth asked. “Um…I do. Get the clock out. Start timing these.”

“Yeah, yeah…” Carly grabbed the stopwatch from the table, and then headed for the door. “Francis!” she yelped, pulling it open. “I’m gonna need Sonny here stat. And get Leticia so she can take Morgan home and pick Michael up. We got a baby coming!”

She turned back to Elizabeth and sat next to her on the couch, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Muffin…you’re crying—”

“I thought I could do this,” Elizabeth whispered, her fists clenched. “I thought I was okay with Jason missing her birth, but I love him so much, I really do and I just don’t understand why he doesn’t love me, why he doesn’t love her?”

“Oh…” Carly hesitated and then glanced around as Sonny came through door. “Hey. Get her bag out of the closet. She just had her first noticeable contraction, so we’re waiting for the next one to time it.”

“Got it. I’ll call ahead at the hospital,” Sonny said. He opened the closet and pulled out a duffle bag that had been prepared a few weeks earlier. “You want me to call your grandmother? Nadine?”

“Um…” Elizabeth gasped and blindly reached out for something to hold. Carly offered her hand and Elizabeth clutched it. “My gram…yes, but um….Nadine had to go to New York to see her sister. Some sort of emergency, how long was that, Carly?”

“Seven minutes between contractions.” Carly narrowed her eyes. “Unless your water breaks, we’re supposed to wait, right?”

“Um…” Elizabeth hesitated. “I may… have been having some odd twinges all day. I thought…” She closed her eyes. “Carly, don’t let him call Jason,” she whispered. “I don’t want him to feel like he has to hurry back—”

“Muffin…” Carly glanced at her husband but Sonny had stepped into the hallway to make some phone calls. “I know you’re angry at him—”

“Please. I don’t want Jason there. He doesn’t want to be there, so I don’t want him there.” Another sharp wave of pain. “Oh, man, Carly…that was one was faster—”

“We’re down to five minutes. Sonny!” Carly called.

Harborview Towers: Hallway

Sonny punched Jason’s speed dial and was relieved when his friend didn’t ignore the call. “Jase, how far away are you?”

“Two hours out of Port Charles,” Jason said. “What’s going on?”

“Elizabeth’s in labor. We’re not leaving for the hospital yet, it just really kind of started…” He glanced back towards the door where Francis was standing, alert. He hadn’t told Carly or Elizabeth Jason was on his way home, because he intended to have it out with the bastard as soon as he stepped off the plane. “Call when you land, and I’ll let you know if we’ve gone to the hospital.”

“All…all right. Is…she in a lot of pain?”

“Do you really give a damn?” Sonny snarled. “Because if you did, I’d be on that plane and you’d be standing here making phone calls and you’d be holding her hand instead of Carly. For once, Jason, we’re cleaning up your mess. But you’re coming to the damn hospital if I have to drag you kicking and screaming.” He slammed his phone shut.

Francis raised his eyebrows. “If Miss Webber doesn’t want him there—”

“Oh, don’t start with me, Francis,” Sonny said, dragging his hands through his hair. “They’re going to work this out, eventually. Even if I have to lock them in a room until they do. And when they do, he’ll kick himself for missing it.”

“I see Mrs. C is rubbing off on you.”

“Sonny!” Carly called from inside. She stepped up to the door. “What did Kelly say?”

“Bring her in when the contractions are four minutes apart,” Sonny said. “And Jason was flying back today anyway, he’ll land in two hours.”

“Oh, frick. You called him? She doesn’t want him there.”

“Well…” Sonny scowled. “She’ll have to suck it up. I got a call from Vega last night wondering what the hell we were doing up here with the father of this supposedly in danger child off gallivanting out of the country. I can’t have them on my ass right now.”

“Fine.” Carly folded her arms across her chest and nodded toward the inside of the penthouse. “You go tell the woman in labor she’ll have to suck it up. Go right ahead.”

“I hate everyone in this world right now,” Sonny said fervently.

General Hospital: Maternity Ward

The elevator doors slid open and Jason started for the nurse’s station to ask which room Elizabeth was in. He had prolonged his trip in Puerto Rico as long as possible, but he couldn’t put it off coming home any longer. Ric, if he’d been there, was now long gone and he worried that the problems down there had been a distraction, to divide their resources.

Before he reached the hub, he heard Sonny call his name. He turned to find Carly and Sonny standing in the waiting room. “Hey. I got here as soon as I could—”

“Audrey’s in with Muffin right now,” Carly said briskly. “She wanted a little alone time with her grandmother. Her contractions slowed down once we got here, but her water broke about ten minutes ago. She’s dilated six centimeters.”

“Is she in pain?” Jason asked, feeling completely useless and ignoring the heat of Sonny’s glare. “How is she?”

“Well, bastard, you can go in and find out for yourself,” Carly hissed. “If you even give a damn, because I’m the one who was there when this happened and she asked me not to tell you.”

Jason’s hands had been in fists at his side, but at that, they loosened and he swallowed hard. “She doesn’t want me in there, does she?”

“I don’t know, but I know that Sonny keeps telling me we don’t have a choice. You at least have to make this look good.” Carly jabbed him in the chest. “You listen to me, you dumb son of a bitch, you’re going to go in there and you’re going to be the best father you know how to be. I know you’re amazing at it, I know you want this baby. I know you want the Muffin, so what the hell is your goddamn problem?”

“Carly.” Sonny took her by the shoulders and pulled her back. She turned on him, her voice raw with anger and pain.

“No, Sonny, he’s wrecking everything and he doesn’t even see it—”

“Carly, it’s not the time or place,” Sonny told her quietly. He looked at Jason. “Vega’s suspicious, and if he is, he’d be talking to Ruiz. Hector Ruiz is not a man you want looking twice at your personal affairs, so whatever your issues with Elizabeth are, you need to at least go in there and make an appearance.”

General Hospital: Elizabeth’s Room

Elizabeth was floating a little from the drugs, but her head hurt and her eyes were tired. She just wanted to have her daughter. She wanted her to be here, so she could start the next part of her life.

“Darling, just breathe,” Audrey murmured. “I don’t understand why Jason had to go out of town so close to the due date—”

“Unavoidable, Gram,” Elizabeth murmured. She saw the door push open, and then Jason was there, standing hesitantly just inside. “What…” She remembered her grandmother at her side. “You’re here.”

“I was flying back today…” Jason stepped forward and cleared his throat. “Sonny called me, so I came straight here. How…are you doing?”

Elizabeth glanced at her grandmother, who was beaming. “Gram, can…Jason and I have a moment?”

“Of course, darling.” Audrey kissed her forehead and squeezed Jason’s arm as she passed out of the room. When the door closed behind her, Elizabeth let her head fall to the pillows.

“What are you doing here?” she asked flatly. “Making it look good for everyone else?”

“Elizabeth, I wanted to be here,” Jason said. “I just…didn’t know how to tell you what I was thinking—”

“Well, that’s too bad for you, because now I no longer care—” She gasped, as one of her contractions appeared to break through the haze of the drugs and steal her breath. Jason was at her side, and she found herself clutching him, trying to get through the pain.

“I know I made you think I didn’t want Cady—”

“You don’t, you don’t…” Elizabeth closed her eyes, and felt the tears slide down her cheeks. “And I can’t…you can’t be in here. I don’t want you in here. I…spent my whole life not mattering to my parents, not having my father love me the way I wanted him to. My daughter is never going to know that. Not for one minute, one second am I going to let you make her think there’s something wrong with her—”

“There’s nothing wrong with her,” Jason cut in, his voice rough. “Or you. I do want her—”

“No, you don’t.” Her chest was heaving now from the force of her sobs. “Just go. I don’t want you. Go. I want…” She gasped. “I want Carly. Tell Carly I want her. Not you. I want you to go.”

“Elizabeth—”

“Just go. Go!” she repeated when he didn’t move. “You’ve walked away from me so many times, Jason. One more isn’t going to change things.”

General Hospital: Maternity Ward Waiting Room

Sonny leapt up from his chair, Audrey and Carly at his side when Jason stepped out, his face ashen. “What’s going on?” Sonny demanded.

“She…” Jason took a deep breath and looked at Carly. “She wants you in there, Not me.”

“Me…but…” Carly hesitated, looking at Audrey for a moment, before looking back her best friend. “Jase…you should be in there. I know…she’s angry with you, but—”

“It’s fine.” Jason swallowed hard. “Mrs. Hardy, I know Elizabeth wants you back in there.”

“I’ll try to talk to her, Jason,” Audrey promised him. “Sometimes mothers in labor are a little unpredictable, and I know Elizabeth wasn’t happy about you taking that trip.” Her lips thinned. “None of us were, but that’s water under the bridge. I’ll talk to her—you should be in there with her.” Audrey disappeared into the room.

Carly narrowed her eyes. “What did you say that makes Elizabeth want me and not you in the room? Because, I assure you, you said something.”

“It’s all the things I didn’t say,” Jason said finally. He cleared his throat. “She’s asking for you, Carly. Would you please, for me, go make sure she has everything she needs?”

“You see what happens when you’re a good person, Sonny?” Carly growled. “Nothing good.” She followed Audrey in the room.

Sonny wiped his mouth and sat back in his chair. “I don’t get you, Jason. I really don’t. All these months, you’ve gone through this charade to protect her and I know…you tried to say it was because you owed her, but I always knew the reasons even if you didn’t want to verbalize it. I thought you two were going to get it together this time, that you were going be a family.”

“I wanted that,” Jason admitted. “But I didn’t know how to make it happen. I told you, Sonny. Elizabeth never stays. She keeps telling me I don’t give her a reason to, but I don’t know what she’s looking for.”

Sonny exhaled slowly and leaned back against the wall, closing his eyes. Sometimes he forgot that Jason Morgan had not existed for more than eight years, and maybe he really just didn’t get it, that sometimes words were important, that sometimes reassurances mattered. “Jason, do you love her?”

“Sonny—”

“Just answer me.”

Jason was quiet for a moment. “Yes. I love her. I have for…a long time now. But—”

“When she moved in this summer, when you two started working things out, did you happen to tell her that?”

“I…” Jason hesitated. “No.”

“Did you ever sit down and discuss what would happen after Cady was born? What role you would play in her life if we tied up all this other crap? What it would mean for the two of you to be seeing each other at the same time the world believes Cady to be your daughter?”

“We…didn’t.” Jason leaned forward, dipping his head down. “She thinks it’s because of Ric. You think that, too.”

“I’m at a loss, honestly, Jase.” Sonny shrugged. “Because if it was just about not wanting to get attached to a child who could walk away, there were things we could have done. We could have quietly signed adoption papers and then had them sealed so no one would see them. You could have asked Elizabeth to marry you, to make a commitment to her.” He looked at his best friend. “But maybe you don’t think those things would have worked. That Elizabeth still would have taken her and walked away.”

“Michael was my son. I had papers saying I could have visitation, but I had to give him up. It was for the best. But…Robin and Carly…they took him away.”

Tricky territory here, because now Sonny was raising the little boy. “Robin made her choice, she had her reasons and Carly was scared—”

“But they knew what they were doing,” Jason said thickly. “Robin wanted to protect me from Carly, so she told AJ the truth. How she thought I’d be better off that way, I still don’t understand. And Carly never even gave me a chance to fix it, she just ran to the Quartermaines and told them I made her to do it. I know…she was scared, but it doesn’t change anything.”

And here was the truth that Sonny had ignored all along. Jason had loved two women before Elizabeth and they’d both betrayed him. He’d had one another best friend, and God knew that Sonny had betrayed him by sleeping with Carly. Somewhere along the line, between the three of them, they’d taught Jason that to trust someone all but ensured betrayal.

“You had months to talk to Elizabeth about all of this,” Sonny said finally. “I get it, I do. But she shouldn’t pay for Robin and Carly. For the things that they did, that I did. Elizabeth would have understood…after what you went through with Michael. She was there for the aftermath, wasn’t she?”

“She was one of the few people I talked to about it.” Jason hesitated. “The only one. It’s…how we met. She went to Jake’s, wanting something to replace the emptiness she felt after Lucky died, and she asked me if I knew what nothing felt like.”

“God, the two of you are going to give me a headache.” Sonny put his head in his hands. “You’re so perfect for each other that it’s almost nauseating and yet you two can’t get out of your own way long enough to get it. Jason, she spent years trying to make herself the woman she’d been before that fire. Trying to be good enough so that Lucky would love her again, and how did he repay her? He got her involved in a ridiculous scheme where she faked her death and she had to come to me for help. And then he almost married her out of pity when he didn’t remember loving her. She turned herself inside out for that man, and she got nothing in return for years. You’ve got baggage, but so does she, and instead of dealing with it, you both made it so much worse.”

“Carly told me for months I was pushing her away,” Jason admitted. “But I just…thought if I didn’t talk about it—”

“You know better than that, Jase.” Sonny leaned forward. “Listen to me. I don’t know if it’s too late to fix this, I really don’t. She wants a reason to stay, Jason. And she wants you give it to her. She wanted you to love her daughter the way you love Michael. Effortlessly. If you really don’t think you can figure out a way to trust her to stay, then fine. Make it amicable. We’ll figure out a way to extricate you from this situation after Ric is dealt with.”

He put a hand on Jason’s shoulder. “But I think you and I both know that you can trust her. That she knows better than anyone how it felt for you to lose Michael. And if I know you at all, you already love that little girl. So when Carly comes out here to bring us back, I want you to remember that. You never used to live in the past, Jason. Don’t start now.”

General Hospital: Elizabeth’s Room

Barely a year ago, Carly was shoving Elizabeth Webber out of Jason’s life and ushering Courtney in. She would have told most people that Elizabeth was nothing more than a little girl with an infatuation who couldn’t handle what it meant to be in Jason’s life. Her best friend deserved better.

Today, as she stood by Elizabeth’s side, clutching her hand as Kelly Lee told Elizabeth she was finally dilated to ten and could start pushing with the next contraction, Carly couldn’t really pinpoint when she’d shifted that thought. Had it been the first time Elizabeth offered her ice cream? Or played blackjack with her while cooped up in the penthouse?

Or had it started further back than that, when Elizabeth had cleaned up the penthouse and comforted Carly after believing Sonny to be dead. How she had stopped by just to check on her, and to hesitantly ask after Jason.

“This hurts so much, Gram. Why did the pain meds stop working?” Elizabeth sobbed. “Make it stop.” Six hours of labor had left her exhausted.

“The baby is crowning, Liz!” Kelly called. “Just a little longer!”

“I can’t—”

“Oh, suck it up, Muffin,” Carly snapped and Elizabeth glared at her. “You damn well can do this. Anyone who can…” She glanced at Audrey and decided to just shrug it off. “Anyone who can put up with the crap you have can do this.”

“Carly—”

“You stood up to me when most people in this town just ignored me,” Carly continued. “You told me you’d protect Jason from me until he was well enough to deal with me. I told you I’d gotten rid of one little angel, and I was going to drop you kick you so fast into next year, you wouldn’t see it coming.”

Elizabeth bit out a pained laugh. “How’d that work for you?”

“Exactly my point, Muffin. Anyone who can stand up to me and actually win can do something measly like give birth. Hell, I did it just last month and did I whine nearly as much?”

Kelly popped up from the end of the bed. “Actually—”

“Quiet, you.” Carly jabbed a finger in her direction. “Concentrate on that…down there.”

“All right, Elizabeth…here comes a contraction. Push!”

With a grunt, Elizabeth bore down, panting. “Come on, come on.”

“You can do this, Elizabeth,” Audrey said, wrapping an arm around her granddaughter’s shoulders. “I know it!”

“The head is out, Elizabeth!” Kelly told her. “Let’s get the shoulders and I can just pull her out—”

“Get out, get out, get out!” Elizabeth screeched.

And then there was a cry.

Kelly rose to her feet, her eyes bright and shining, with a messy baby in her arms. “And here we go!” She leaned forward to lay the newborn on Elizabeth’s stomach.

Carly pressed her free hand to her mouth, watching Elizabeth’s entire countenance shift immediately from pain to joy. “Oh…” Elizabeth broke off and took a deep, shaky breath. “Oh, she’s so perfect.”

“Oh, my darling…” Audrey kissed Elizabeth’s forehead.

“Who’s cutting the cord?” Kelly asked. She looked at Carly. “Godmama?”

“Um…” Carly looked at Elizabeth who was focused on her daughter. “Sure.” She reached for the scissors and gingerly snipped it, shuddering a bit. The things she did for family.

“Let’s clean her up,” Kelly said, with a smile, reaching for Cady. Elizabeth protested, but Kelly shrugged. “I’ll give her right back.”

“Oh, Gram…” Elizabeth leaned back against the pillows as some of the nurses came forward to help her clean up herself. “She’s here.”

“And she’s beautiful,” Audrey murmured. “Absolutely beautiful.” She paused. “I told Monica I’d come get her as soon as she was born. Would you mind?”

“No…” Elizabeth closed her eyes. “No. You can get her.”

Audrey smiled again and disappeared out the room. Carly took a deep breath. “Well, Muffin, you did it. Cadence Audrey Morgan is now in the world.”

“Cadence Audrey Caroline,” Elizabeth corrected. She opened her eyes and Carly saw the tears, the joy, the bliss. “She’d never be here if not for you, for Sonny. For Jason. So if you don’t mind…”

“Oh…Muffin…” Damn it. Carly swiped at her eye. “I never mind knowing there are more Carolines in this world.”

“Speaking of which…” Kelly stepped away from the nurses with Cady in her arms, now swaddled in a hospital blanket. “How about we let Godmama hand the baby over.”

Carly stepped towards Kelly and accepted the baby in her arms. She looked down at this little scrap of humanity and just…

This baby was the reason for all of this, for the love, the arguments, the fear, the extra security, for the pain. For the bliss. Here was the center of it all, and she looked so incredibly innocent.

“She’s just…so perfect,” Carly murmured. She looked at Elizabeth. “I can’t even describe it.” She stepped forward and set her gently into Elizabeth’s arms. “There’s my niece.”

“I thought about this moment, I’ve imagined it a thousand times over the last eight months,” Elizabeth murmured, her hand smoothing over Cady’s cheek, “but this is so much better. She wasn’t here five minutes ago, and now…”

“Do you think you’ve punished Daddy long enough?” Kelly asked, with a good-natured smile. “All her tests are perfect. She’s completely healthy, so maybe she should meet him.”

Elizabeth hesitated and then looked at Carly, looking a little lost. “Is he angry with me? Because I didn’t…Because I wanted you.”

“No, no.” Carly shook her head. “He understood. He’s angrier with himself for making this happen, for making you think you weren’t important, that he didn’t love you.”

“I’ll be back in to check on you guys in a bit.” Kelly squeezed Elizabeth’s arm. “Congrats, Liz. I can say without bias she is the prettiest little girl I’ve ever delivered.” With a wave, Kelly and the other nurse left the room.

“Bring him in,” Elizabeth said after a moment. “And Sonny, too. I want them to meet her.”

“I’ll be right back.”

General Hospital: Maternity Ward Waiting Room

Jason and Sonny were already on their feet, having been told briefly by Audrey that the baby had arrived and she was on her way to get Monica. A few minutes later, Carly exited the room, and Jason was relieved to see her smiling. “Hey, is she okay? Is Cady okay?”

“She’s perfect. She wants to see both of you.”

Jason hesitated. “Does she? I don’t want her to do anything—”

“Jason, look at me.” Carly grasped his chin in her hand and forced him to make eye contact with her. “You’ve messed this up pretty badly, but at the end of the day, it’s not lost. You can make this better. Maybe you didn’t make Elizabeth feel like you loved her or Cady before, but from the moment you step in there, it’s different. I know you love her already.”

“Carly—”

“No, just…” Carly took a deep breath. “I didn’t always get it, I didn’t always like it, and maybe I made it more difficult for you, so if that’s true I’m sorry. But I want you to be happy. So I am telling you right now, if you go in there and you show Elizabeth how much you love her and how much you love that little girl, it can be better. Just…try.”

General Hospital: Elizabeth’s Room

Jason stepped in to find Sonny already holding the baby. He was grinning at the pink bundle. “I’m an uncle, Jase!” he proclaimed proudly. “Can you believe it?”

Carly came in behind him and went to stand by Elizabeth’s bed. “He’ll never stop this now. She’ll be spoiled ridiculously. Ponies. Castles. He doesn’t do things in half measures.”

Sonny just shrugged and then looked at Jason. “You want her?”

Jason took a deep breath. “Yeah.” He stepped over to his friend, prepared to take Carly’s advice for once. As Sonny gently laid her in his arms, Jason remembered the moment he’d held Michael in his arms, and though he loved Michael still…this moment was it in a class of its own.

This was the little girl who he had felt kick, who he had watched grow, who he had tried desperately not to love and failed. For the first time since this began, he admitted to himself that he’d always wanted her to be his.

“She’s…” He faltered, and cleared his throat. “I can’t…find the words, Elizabeth.” He looked up, to find her eyes glossy with tears. “There aren’t any.”

“That is exactly how I feel,” Elizabeth murmured.

Carly wiped her eyes with a tissue. “This is just too damn sappy for me,” she muttered. “Tell them, Muffin. Tell them what you’re naming her.”

Jason frowned and exchanged a look with Sonny. “It’s Cady, isn’t it?” Jason asked. “Cadence Audrey.”

“I’m changing it a little.” Elizabeth hesitated and looked at Carly, with a smile. “Cadence Audrey Caroline.”

“That’s right.” Carly nodded. “I want all of Port Charles to know that someone actually named their kid for me. They’ll never believe it.”

“I barely believe it,” Sonny returned, but he looked at Elizabeth. “We’re never going to hear the end of this, Liz.”

Elizabeth laughed, as the door opened and Audrey stepped in, followed by a hesitant Monica. “Is there room for a couple of grandmothers?”

“Of course,” Carly said. “Jase, you might have to give the kid over.”

Here was his chance to show Elizabeth it could be different. That he could be different. He stepped forward, towards his mother. “Mon—” He hesitated. “Mom. This is our daughter, Cadence Audrey Caroline Morgan.” And with those words, he set Cady in his mother’s arms. He was facing away from Elizabeth, so he couldn’t see her face, but he hoped she believed them.

“Oh, Jason…” Monica’s lips trembled as she looked down at the baby. “Oh, she’s just too precious.” She blinked and looked up. “Caroline?”

“That’s right. Named for me,” Carly pointed out, looking satisfied. “Suck it, Port Charles.”

“Carly,” Elizabeth said, swatting her. “Knock it off, or I’ll change it to…Robin.”

Carly gasped. “Oh, you better not even joke about that, you brat.”

“Audrey, have you had her?” Monica asked. “If you don’t take her from me, I’m liable to keep her forever.” When Audrey held out her arms, Monica handed her over and then turned to Jason. Without another word, she embraced him.

His first instinct was to stiffen, but he knew Monica had been a source of support for Elizabeth during all of this, that despite the past, she did love him for who he was, even if she didn’t always accept his choices. So he gingerly hugged her back and looked at Elizabeth over Monica’s shoulders. She looked…contemplative.

He only hoped he still had time to make this right.

There were those empty threats and hollow lies
And whenever you tried to hurt me
I just hurt you even worse
And so much deeper
There were hours that just went on for days
When alone at last we’d count up all the chances
That were lost to us forever
– It’s All Coming Back to Me Now, Celine Dion

Tuesday, November 4, 2003

General Hospital: Carly’s Room

Every single inch of Carly’s body hurt. It ached. It screamed with pain. And yet…

She looked down into the face of her newborn son and couldn’t think of a moment in her life when she’d been happier. “Look at him,” she murmured to no one in particular. “He’s so perfect.”

She felt Sonny’s soft lips against her forehead and she almost closed her eyes to savor the sensation, but if she closed her eyes, she’d miss this moment. Morgan Stone Corinthos was twenty minutes old and he was the most perfect baby on Earth.

“I missed so much of this with Michael,” Carly said softly. “I was coming out of surgery…then I had post-partum. I left him, Sonny. And even when I could finally hold him, he was kidnapped and I was in Ferncliffe for all those months. He was almost a year old before I could even be his mother.”

“That won’t happen with Morgan, Carly.” She looked up, and his eyes were glossy. “It’s going to be better this time.”

The door opened slightly, and a nurse smiled brightly. “Hey! I have some visitors for mama and son.” She stepped aside and Elizabeth stepped in, Jason just behind her. Carly grinned.

“Hey, Muffin. Come see what you get to look forward to.”

Elizabeth rolled her eyes and came to the side of the bed opposite of Sonny, Jason on her heels. “Oh, just look at him, Carly.” She reached out with her finger to touch Morgan’s soft cheek. “How beautiful he is…”

“I know. It’s a good thing you’re having a girl, because I think my baby is the most beautiful baby boy and I’d hate for us to fight over that title.” She grinned and saw Jason looking at his feet. No. Not today. This wasn’t about him today.

This was about her second chance at being a good mother from day one. “Jase, you wanna hold your namesake?”

Jason hesitated and then nodded. Elizabeth moved out of the way, so he could come closer and take Morgan from Carly. He lifted the little boy in his arms, and smiled down at him. “He looks so different from Michael,” he said after a moment.

“Yeah?” Carly said, leaning back and letting her exhausted body relax. She reached over and took Sonny’s hand in hers, clutching it to her chest. “How so? I mean, I have the pictures…but…” She bit her lip. “Not from the day he was born.”

“He was too sick for pictures,” Jason said quietly. “And there…wasn’t anyone there really. I didn’t…” He cleared his throat. “I should have.” He hesitated. “Michael had lighter coloring, I think.”

“You can already tell Morgan’s going to take after Sonny,” Elizabeth volunteered, leaning up to peer at the baby. “His hair is already dark.”

“It might change,” Jason told her, glancing at her. “Michael had dark hair at first, but then it lightened to red.”

Carly saw Elizabeth’s face dim slightly as she watched Jason talk about Michael’s first days with a smile on his face, recalling his first moments as Michael’s father, and she knew what the other woman was thinking. Where was this love and affection for her child? Carly cleared her throat, and forced a smile. “Jason, let the Muffin have him for a minute. Let her get some practice.”

And it was sad how awkward the moment was as Jason gently laid Morgan in Elizabeth’s arms, and waited for her to support his head before letting his hands fall away. “I have to say,” Carly said, ignoring the tension in the air, “I’m annoyed that you’re starting your ninth month and you still aren’t as large as I was. It’s appalling.”

“Liz is…” Sonny coughed delicately. “Well, she’s shorter than you. You know.” Carly narrowed her eyes at him, and he smiled innocently. She knew what the bastard was saying. Elizabeth was a petite little angel, and Carly was a svelte cow. He’d pay for that later.

“He’s so light,” Elizabeth murmured, staring down at Morgan. “I haven’t really held that many babies, but I guess I thought he’d weigh more.” She looked up at Carly. “He’s so beautiful.”

Sonny nudged her and Carly remembered what they’d talked about. “Oh…uh, Sonny and I discussed it and we thought…um…” She cleared her throat. “I’d like it if you were Morgan’s godparents.” She flicked her eyes between them. “Both of you.”

Elizabeth blinked, clearly stunned. “Carly….I don’t know what to say.”

“Believe me, Muffin, this isn’t exactly what I thought would happen when I got pregnant,” Carly said dryly. “But we are where we are in life. Morgan is going to be Cady’s cousin. I don’t want you to ever think that just because…” She cast a glance at Jason, whose face was set in a mask. Frick it. “I don’t want you to ever think that because Ric is biologically her father that it matters to me or to Sonny. All we’re going to see is our niece. Morgan and Michael’s cousin. A little girl we’re going to love to pieces. Whether you like it or not.”

Elizabeth closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them, they were shining with tears and even a little anguish. “Thank you, Carly. I can’t speak for Jason, but it would be an honor to be Morgan’s godmother.”

“Jase?” Carly asked, looking at him. “Will you be his godfather?”

“Yeah.” Jason cleared his throat. “Yeah, Carly. I will. Thank you.”

“Good. Gimme my baby.” Carly held out her arms, and Jason engineered the exchange as Elizabeth couldn’t lean in towards Carly very far.

“I already asked Sonny to be Cady’s godfather,” Elizabeth said hesitantly, looking at Carly’s husband, who was smiling. “Because I…feel the way you do. That Sonny is her uncle, and that he’d love her anyway. But I hadn’t…really decided about a godmother.” She paused. “I think I hoped Emily and I would be speaking by then, and I thought maybe Nadine…but it’s clear to me that it should be you, Carly.”

Oh, hell. She was going to cry now. “Oh…I…” she cleared her throat.

“It surprised the crap out of me,” Elizabeth continued with a shaky laugh, “but you’ve been my rock during this, and I can’t think of anyone who’d love her more.”

“Well, frick, Muffin…” Carly sniffled. Damn these hormones. “This is an odd turn of events.”

“You’re telling me.” Elizabeth wiped at her tears. “I guess I always figured there was a reason Jason kept you around, but it wasn’t until this summer that I actually understood it.”

Carly glanced at her best friend, and sighed when she saw the discomfort on his face. “What is this magical reason? Maybe Jason wants to enlighten me.”

“Because it’s easier to be your friend than to kick you out?” Jason offered with a hesitant smile. Carly scowled. “No…Elizabeth is right.” He wrapped an arm around Elizabeth’s shoulders and looked at Carly. “Even when you annoy me, I know you…mean well.”

“Hmm…” She’d take what she’d get. “So it’s settled. Let’s stop this sappy crap about us, and let’s concentrate on my beautiful perfect son.”

“Yours?” Sonny lifted his eyebrows.

“Listen, pal, I just shoved this kid out of my body. Damn right, mine.”

Saturday, November 9, 2003

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

“Let me just grab this one thing,” Elizabeth said, standing at the doorway to the penthouse and smiling over her shoulder at Nadine. “It’s a present for Morgan, and then we’ll head over to Carly’s so you can meet him.”

Nadine grinned. “I’m going to go meet the local godfather’s new son. It’s a crazy life I lead, Liz. I’m telling you.” She examined her hands. “Can I use the bathroom at your place? I’m not sure I got all the sauce off my hands from Eli’s.”

“Sure.” Elizabeth flashed a smile at Francis, who stood by the door, and then pushed her door open.

“Surprise!”

Elizabeth blinked at the room she’d left only two hours ago to see it covered in decorations and filled with women. “Oh…my God.” She pressed a hand to her mouth. Her grandmother stood by the sofa with a beaming smile, while Carly and Morgan were seated. Bobbie, Monica, Penny, Kelly and several of her grandmother’s friends—her eyes watered when she saw Gail Baldwin, her old counselor, standing near the windows.

“Surprised?” Nadine said from behind her. She stepped inside and reached over to the desk to grab a few things. She placed a sash over Elizabeth’s chest, proclaiming her to be Queen for the Day, and then a plastic tiara on her head.

“I am…” Elizabeth shook her head. “Beyond words.”

Audrey strode forward and took her granddaughter’s hands in her own. “I’m so glad, Darling. We hoped we could surprise you.” She pulled her over to a rocking chair decorated with streamers and balloons at the base of the stairs. “Do you recognize this?”

“Gramps’ chair,” Elizabeth murmured, running her hand across the back. A tear slid down her cheek. “Gram…”

“Sit, sit.” Audrey held the chair still while Nadine held Elizabeth’s hand as she lowered herself into the chair. “So, just to make sure credit is given where it’s due…Nadine was obviously in charge of keeping you occupied and supplied refreshments, I gathered the guests, while Carly handled the decorations.”

Elizabeth found Carly’s annoyed look, recognizing it as one she often had herself, when she realized that somewhere along the way she and Carly had gone from being enemies to uneasy allies to family. “Five minutes out of the hospital?” she arched an eyebrow.”

“Ha. I got this stuff together weeks ago,” Carly said. “And then I made Jason, Sonny and Max hang it. It’s my revenge for nine months of health food.” She snorted.

“Thank you.” Elizabeth looked around at the room and refused to be sad that Emily wasn’t there. Though she knew Emily had been around in the days after her botched kidnapping, she hadn’t spoken to her. “Thank you all for coming.”

“I know people generally do games and whatnot,” Nadine said. “And I thought about it, but I figured it wasn’t your type of thing, so we set up a buffet for snacks and drinks and you get to open some gifts.”

“I like gifts,” Elizabeth said with a bright smile. “Do I get to start now?”

“Absolutely!” Audrey reached for a large box, and Monica stood.

“That’s from myself and Lila, sweetheart,” she said. “Lila wanted to be here, but with the weather…”

“Oh, it’s not even a problem.” Elizabeth hesitated, feeling uncomfortable with Monica’s obvious excitement, but she pushed it away. She carefully unwrapped the beautifully wrapped gift. Tossing the paper aside, she waited while Nadine stabilized the box on her lap so she could pull off the top.

Inside was a beautiful white dress made from lace and silk, with a matching bonnet. She looked up at Monica, who smiled. “It was Lila’s christening gown. Her mother wore it as well, so it’s quite old. I believe it was handmade in 1887, in London where Lila’s family is from. So Lila wore it, then Tracy.” She hesitated. “And Tracy was the last Quartermaine girl to be born in to the family. I know…” She shifted slightly. “I know that your daughter is going to be a Morgan, but in Lila’s heart…”

“Monica…” Elizabeth pressed a hand to her mouth, wishing that she was worthy of such a gift. She cleared her throat. “I know…I know Jason would agree with me, that any daughter of his is part of Lila’s family, so of course…” She pressed her eyes closed, but a few tears slid down her cheeks. “This is…so beautiful. I promise to take very good care of it, so the next Quartermaine girl can enjoy it.”

“And there’s something else in the box, from me.” Monica nodded.

Elizabeth set the dress back inside and found a velvet case underneath some tissue paper. She handed the box to Nadine who set it on the desk to keep it safe. Elizabeth opened the case to find a single strand of pearls. “I…” She looked up at her friend’s mother with trepidation. “These are beautiful…”

“It’s another tradition from Edward’s side of the family,” Monica said. “When Lila had Alan, Edward’s mother gave her a strand of pearls and told her that they ought to be passed down to the mother of Lila’s first born grandchild.” She took a deep breath. “So Lila gave these to me after AJ was born. I’m not sure why she didn’t give them to Tracy.” She slid a glance at Carly who only lifted an eyebrow. “I…considered giving these to Carly,” she admitted, looking at the blonde, “but it never felt right.”

“It’s fine,” Carly shrugged.

Satisfied, Monica turned back to Elizabeth. “But when Jason came to tell me personally that you two were having a child, I…it felt right to finally pass these on.”

Elizabeth looked down at the pearls and touched them gingerly with her fingers.

She was such a fraud.

 

Morgan Penthouse: Nursery

Jason only sighed when he entered the penthouse that night, spying drooping decorations as evidence of Elizabeth’s baby shower from earlier that day. Carly had made him hang them, so he was sure it was going to be his job to take them down, as well. He hoped Elizabeth had a good time, was relieved that so many people had wanted to celebrate this with her.

He started up the stairs and stopped at the door to the nursery. He had not been back in this room since the day he and Elizabeth had taken measurements. Since then, he knew it had been painted and furniture had been moved in. He pushed the door open to find Elizabeth sitting in the corner of the room, between an oak crib and the window, slowly rocking in a wooden chair, her hands over her belly.

“Hey.” He leaned against the door jamb and took in the room in the dying sunlight. She’d gone with soft peaches and cream colors in this room, and he saw that over the crib, Cadence Audrey had been painted in swirling pink letters, accented by stars and moons. “It looks like you guys had a good time.”

“We did,” Elizabeth said, looking at him with a soft smile, her eyes tired. “Carly told me you helped with the decorations. Thanks.”

“She threatened to do them herself,” Jason said. “Which was just a ploy, but Sonny didn’t trust her to stay off a ladder.” He shifted and looked around the room, finding a few gift boxes and some bags. “Were you surprised?”

“Astounded.” Elizabeth sighed, and smoothed her hand down the arm of her chair. “This was one of my grandmother’s gifts, you know. It was my grandfather’s. It sat in the room that Sarah and I shared at her house from the time we were babies until we moved here and it ended up being Sarah’s.” Her eyes dipped down to look at the wood. “I remember being three or four, and he would rock me in this. I’d sit on his lap and he’d read to me. Usually from a medical journal, but I never cared. I just liked the sound of his voice.”

“Then it’s good to have it here,” Jason said after a moment, not really sure what to say. “So you can…do the same with your daughter.”

“Yeah…” Elizabeth closed her eyes. “With my daughter.” Without looking at him, she continued. “Do you see that box on the changing table?”

Jason stepped into the room and saw a large open box with a white dress and a velvet case sitting next to it. “Yeah. Who’s that from?”

“Your mother.” Elizabeth opened her eyes and met his. “It’s your grandmother’s christening gown, handmade by her grandmother in London in 1887. Lila’s mother wore it, Lila wore it, Tracy wore it, but no one else since.” He watched her mouth twist into a grimaced smile. “She was worried you might not want to use it since it’s a Quartermaine heirloom.”

“I…” Jason swallowed and looked back at the dress again. He cleared his throat. “Maybe I wouldn’t have once, but…it’s from Lila’s side of the family.”

“That’s what I told her.” Elizabeth rocked for a moment. “There are pearls in that case, from Edward’s mother. She gave them to Lila when Alan was born, and told her to pass them down to the mother of her first grandchild. But for some reason, Lila gave them to Monica rather than Tracy. Maybe she felt they should go to a woman coming into the family, that there were other pieces for daughters.” She shrugged, and he frowned at her, confused by her mood. “Anyway, Monica told me that it never felt right to give them to Carly, but with me…” She exhaled slowly. “For some reason, she feels right giving them to me.”

“Elizabeth…”

“I didn’t know what to say to her, to this woman who’s been so supportive of me these last few months, who just wants to be a part of your life. She was so grateful to be included today, so sure that she was always going to be on the outside looking in when it came to you. She handed me these beautiful gifts, cherished mementos of your family…and I cried.”

He swallowed hard. “I—”

“Because I don’t deserve them.” She met his eyes, and he saw such bleakness in them. “I’m a fraud, Jason. When we started this, maybe I thought like you did, that it would be a matter of weeks, but as it became clear I was going to spend months pretending to be the mother of your child, I began to understand how difficult this was going to be. I tried to explain it to you once, but I know you didn’t get it. Do you…do you understand now?”

“I…” Jason gripped the wooden changing table, and took a deep breath. “Because you and I know the truth.”

“No.” Elizabeth shook her head, that same small smile on her face. “You told me once that we had to figure out how to do this without complicating things, and I know you feel the same way now as you did then, even though I thought…we might have a chance. I thought…after spending all these months together, that you might…see the future the way I want to…that you would see us as a family.”

“I do,” Jason said, but his words were hollow because he knew it was too late for her to believe them. He hadn’t done enough to convince her, and now he didn’t think anything would. “I do,” he repeated. “I just…”

“You didn’t want to complicate things,” Elizabeth repeated, as if he hadn’t spoken. “Because you didn’t want to be her father, and even now, you don’t.”

“No…” Jason shook his head. “I never said that—”

“You didn’t have to.” Elizabeth met his eyes, and he froze at the finality in her gaze. “I got the point. Because every time we took a step forward, I took it and you just followed. I wanted to fix our friendship, I wanted to make things work between us. And you let me believe we could.”

“We still can,” Jason said roughly, trying to think of the words that would stop this from happening.

“Nadine told me months ago that I needed to be brave, that I need to ask you about tomorrow.” She sighed wistfully and looked out the window, as the sun dipped below the horizon and the room slowly slid into shadows. “I was scared to do it, scared to ask you what you wanted from me, what you saw for us, because I always knew the answer.”

“You don’t…” Jason stopped and took a deep breath. “I know I’ve messed things up, but if you just let me explain—”

“I sit here, and I think back over these last few months, and really…” Elizabeth paused. “They’ve been good ones. Even with the tension and the danger, there were moments I spent with you that were happier than any in years. I wanted our friendship back, Jason, and in some ways, I got it.”

“I wanted it, too.” He just wanted her to stop talking, to stop saying things in that tone of voice that sounded like she was building up to something he didn’t want to hear. How could he make her stop?

“But in the most important ways…I failed.” She exhaled, the breath almost shaky. “I spent years in a relationship where I stuck my head in the sand and ignored the reality. Ignored the way my head screamed every time Lucky made me unhappy, because I was so sure we could get those moments back, that we could be who we used to be before the fire. I can’t do it again, Jason. I can’t spend another day with you, pretending that our friendship is what it used to be.”

“So it changed,” Jason said. “It’s different. That’s fine. Things don’t have to stay the same—”

“So, after Cady is born, I think it’s best if I go back to my own room,” Elizabeth said as if he hadn’t spoken. “We haven’t made love in almost a month anyway, since I’ve been uncomfortable. And then, when this is over, when Ric and Faith aren’t threats, we’ll talk about how to end the rest of this.”

“Elizabeth, I know I’ve made mistakes. I just…I didn’t…” He couldn’t find the words. “I don’t want you to leave.”

“And you still haven’t give me a reason to stay,” Elizabeth murmured. “So it appears we’re exactly where we were all those months ago.”

His chest was tight, and for some reason, he wished Carly were here, because she’d know the words he needed to say to make Elizabeth understand. Carly always knew about words. Jason had never been good with them, had always relied on actions.

But it was his actions that had doomed him in this, so it was going to have to be words. He cleared his throat. “Elizabeth,” he began. “We’re not the same people we were last year, or even this summer, when you moved back in. I know I haven’t made it easy on you, that I’ve made you feel like I think you were a burden, that your child was an obligation, or even worse, a mistake, but—”

“You still…don’t get it.” Elizabeth closed her eyes. “My child. You say it all the time. My child. My baby. My daughter.”

He drew his brows together and shook his head. “Elizabeth, she is—”

“I’m tired,” she murmured. “I think I want to be alone for a while.”

“But you have to let me fix this—”

“Jason…” She looked at him again, her eyes shining in the darkness with her tears. “I can’t…do this anymore. I don’t want there to be bitterness. Not now. You’ve kept me safe, made it possible for me to be a mother without fear. I want to remember these months with a smile, and if you keep trying to explain or fix something that cannot be fixed, then I won’t be able to. I’ll only remember how painful it was at the end.”

He dipped his head and took a deep breath. “All right.” He nodded. “Okay.” He stepped out of the room and leaned against the wall.

Carly had warned him for months that if he kept protecting himself, kept his distance, he’d drive Elizabeth away. He’d always seen her point, but he realized now that a part of him had hoped that it wouldn’t come to this, that somehow they’d find a way to make this right or that he’d wake up one morning without his belief that this situation was temporary, that this idea of family in front him wasn’t ephemeral.

It had never happened, and instead, the day he’d been expecting arrived anyway. Elizabeth was going to leave and take her daughter, leaving him alone.

And it was no one’s fault but his own.

Thursday, November 20, 2003

Corinthos & Morgan Coffee Warehouse: Sonny’s Office

Sonny wondered if he took the rubber band he was playing with and shot it straight at Damien Spinelli’s forehead, if it’d be as entertaining as he thought it might be. Again, the computer tech was speaking in babble, tossing out Jackal, assassins, awesomes, and other words that made Sonny feel homicidal.

He looked at Jason, who was staring out the window, looking as exhausted as Sonny felt. He wondered what Jason had to be exhausted about, seeing as Sonny was the one with an infant at home who never slept. Something had changed after Elizabeth’s baby shower a few weeks ago. Jason was withdrawn, even sullen.

“Listen,” Sonny said suddenly, causing Spinelli to drop off in the middle of his spiel. “I want you to tell me what you found in English. I don’t wanna have this conversation every damn time you come in this office, you know. I want plain English. I pay you well enough.”

“Yes, Mr. Sir. I am endeavoring to correct some of my annoying nervous eccentricities,” Spinelli nodded. “I spoke to…” He hesitated, “Stan…” as if the name was unfamiliar and he had to remind himself not use some ridiculous nickname. “And we were working on a solution to the problems in the casino that have cropped up.”

“I thought you were still working on the shell companies,” Jason said roughly

“I am,” Spinelli said, “I am, Stone Cold, sir, but it is quite difficult as none of the attached accounts are currently being withdrawn upon, so I am unable to trace that which does not exist. That being said…Stan…believes that the problems in the casino indicate that the person causing them is on-site.”

Sonny straightened. “Why?” he demanded quickly. “Why would he think that?”

“The nature of these particular problems,” Spinelli remarked. “There are dealers at the tables who show up one night, and then quit. Customers who bring in almost nothing to start playing, win big and then never return. Money is being siphoned again, but in smaller amounts. The problems are diverse, which cannot be set by a remote computer as was the case with the problems in August.”

“So you’re saying that things are so screwed up,” Sonny said, pissed, “that it can only mean the bastard is pulling the strings from the casino itself.”

“Or he’s turned someone close to us. Carlos, or Tommy,” Jason pointed out, rubbing his forehead. “He could be in contact with one of them, and they could cause trouble. But…he’d have to be in contact to keep this up.”

“Yes, sir,” Spinelli bobbed his head. “There’s no set pattern to the types of problems — they could happen in any casino where management is badly handled. I am working on new arrivals to the area, but it’s a large search area and maybe useless.”

“We need someone on-site to look at it in depth,” Sonny said, wishing he could just sink the damn island into the ocean. “Who the hell are we going to send? I can’t leave Carly and Morgan, not unless I want Carly to set me on fire. Johnny and Tommy aren’t really equipped—”

“I’ll go,” Jason said quietly.

Sonny just blinked at him and then looked at Spinelli. “Be ready to go to Puerto Rico by tomorrow morning,” he told the tech. “I’ll call you later and let you know what’s going on.”

“Yes, sir, Mr. Sir.” Spinelli left the room.

“You can’t go,” Sonny said firmly. “Elizabeth may not be due for another two weeks, but due dates are really just guesses. She could probably go into labor at any point—”

“She needs this to be over,” Jason said. He leaned forward, his knees parted, his hands clasped between them. “She needs to be free of Ric Lansing. You and Carly are here, her grandmother and Nadine. She doesn’t—”

“That is goddamn bullshit,” Sonny growled. “You want to run out on her before she has the baby. You could miss it.” He shook his head and sat back in his chair. “I don’t get you, Jase. I really don’t. I got Carly worried all summer that you’re messing this up, and I keep telling her that maybe you’re not as smooth as she’d like, but you and Elizabeth still stumble through this. You got this far. But you’re sitting there, telling me you’ll go to Puerto Rico mere days before your girlfriend has—” He hesitated. “Before she has the baby, and you think you can tell me she’s got enough people here that she doesn’t need you?” He shook his head. “Bullshit, Jason. At least have the guts to tell me the truth.”

“I don’t owe you an explanations,” Jason said stiffly. “One of us has to go to Puerto Rico. You went the last time, I’m going.”

Sonny got to his feet. “Don’t fucking me tell me you don’t owe me any explanations. I supported you in this asinine plan from the beginning. I told you we could protect her, even if you hadn’t claimed the baby. You put Elizabeth in the position of pretending to be the mother of your child, and you’ve resented it from goddamn day one and I’ll be damned if I understand why. This was your bright idea and you’re a goddamn piece of shit if you run out on her now—”

Jason lunged to his feet, his face tight with anger. “You don’t know what you’re talking about—”

“Carly keeps feeding me some bullshit about how you’re so broken up over losing Michael, but I don’t buy it.” Sonny dragged his hands through his hair, thinking for the first time in their friendship he might actually lunge over this desk and punch his best friend. “At least man up and say it straight out. You don’t want to raise Ric Lansing’s child.”

Jason’s hands fisted at his sides, and he thought Jason might be close to landing a punch as well. “Fuck off, Sonny. I don’t give a damn about that.”

“No?” Sonny shrugged. “Could have fooled me. You’ve been pining after Elizabeth Webber for years, long before either one of you saw it, I did.” He pressed a hand to his chest. “I saw it that winter, the way you two talked about one another. You’ve spent so many years wanting to be with her, that now that you’re with her, you don’t know what the hell to do with it.”

“Drop it, Sonny—”

Sonny dropped into his chair and just stared at his friend. “I honestly don’t get it.” His tone was quiet now, perplexed. “I know how much you love her. I knew why you claimed the baby all those months ago, and I didn’t say anything then. I thought you guys were working things out, but you never saw it lasting beyond the end of this fiasco. You always saw it with expiration date.”

“Sonny, I’m going to Puerto Rico.”

“Whatever.” Sonny shook his head. “You’ve been walking away from Elizabeth since the day you met her. I don’t know why I’m so surprised you’re doing it again.” He reached for his phone, to call the airfield. “This time, Jason, you walk away, she’s not going to come back—”

“She didn’t come back to me this time,” Jason growled. “Did she? Don’t accuse me of walking away from her—she walked first.”

“The hell she did.” Sonny slapped his hand against the desk. “You did it. You walked away that first time, because your feelings were changing, and you lost the best chance you had, because she got sucked into the Lucky Spencer debacle for years. And you walked away from her again for a year when she was still figuring out what it meant to love two people at once. And maybe she left the penthouse last fall, but you walked away first.”

“She left me because of you,” Jason retorted. “Isn’t that what you’ve been saying? That it was your fault—”

“It was,” Sonny nodded. “Because when you asked to tell her, I should have agreed, but I’ll be damned if you don’t take responsibility for your part. You could have told me to go to hell, that you loved her as much as I loved Carly and you were going to tell her whether I liked it or not. You didn’t fight for her. And you didn’t exactly go back to her this time, either. You two just ended up in the same situation. So you’re both cowards, but at least she had the guts to try.”

He saw Jason bow his head and take a deep breath. “She’s already planning to leave,” his friend said in a much softer tone. “She told me after her baby shower. And there was nothing I could say to make her stay. She begged for me not to argue with her, because she didn’t want to remember us ending in anger. Not like last time.”

“And she’s walking because you’ve never let her back in again.” Sonny sighed. “Well, I can’t blame her. Can you?” He picked up his phone and dialed the number of the airfield. “Run to Puerto Rico, Jason. Take the easy way out. But you’re the one that’s telling her you’re leaving.”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Jason paused outside the door to the penthouse, and took a deep breath. He had driven around for nearly an hour after storming out of Sonny’s office at the warehouse, wanting to be calm when he came home to tell Elizabeth he’d be leaving town.

He knew Sonny was right, it only made what he was doing worse. But after that conversation in the nursery, Jason didn’t know how to make this better. All his efforts to stay distanced from the baby, to be with Elizabeth and not think about the future…they’d been in vain. He lay next to her at night and he could feel the baby kicking against his side when Elizabeth was curled up on her side at night.

He knew he loved this child, because it was part of Elizabeth, and she was going to be such an amazing mother. He should have embraced the idea months ago, shouldn’t have allowed whatever was in his head to affect the way he treated Elizabeth.

But he hadn’t. He’d thought he could hold her at arm’s length, have these moments and then not lose himself when she walked away. Even now, after he knew it was a certainty that she’d leave, after he knew how he felt about Cady, he was still trying to protect himself.

If he did miss the birth, if he wasn’t in the room when Cady was born, if he could get rid of Ric before that moment, then maybe he could spare himself. To watch Michael from afar, to never be his father…he couldn’t put himself through that again. After all these years, he still saw the little boy and his heart would swell, remembering what it had been like during that first year when he’d been a father. He knew Michael didn’t think of him that way, that Sonny was his father in every way that mattered.

To Jason, Michael would always be his son. He didn’t know how to turn that off.

“Everything okay, Jason?” Cody asked, and Jason looked at him. “You’re…just…” He hesitated. “Standing there.”

Jason sighed, and pushed the door open. Elizabeth sat on the sofa, her legs up, her back against the armrest. They had spent the last two weeks in a great deal of silence, sharing most meals and still residing in the same bedroom. She’d told him that to move her things back to the guest room at this point just felt like a waste of energy, and she’d deal with it when she wasn’t pregnant anymore.

“Hey.” He closed the door and dropped his keys on the desk.

She glanced up from her sketchpad, “Hey,” she said absently. “Are you going to be home for dinner?”

“Uh…yeah.” He sat in the arm chair and stared at the wooden coffee table. “I…wanted…I have to go out of town.”

Her pencil stilled, but she didn’t look up. “Oh?”

“There’s more problems in the casinos in Puerto Ric,” Jason told her. “Spinelli—the tech guy—thinks whoever is doing it is actually down there pulling the strings.”

“So you think Ric is in Puerto Rico.” Elizabeth nodded and looked up, her gaze unreadable. “And you’re going down to check it out.”

“Yeah. It’s…the closest we’ve come to a lead on him since he split town all those months ago.” Jason shifted. “I don’t…know how long it will take.”

The knuckles on the hand holding the sketchpad were nearly white, but her voice was even when she spoke again. “I suppose it will take as long as it takes.”

“I…” Jason hesitated. “I’m sorry. It’s just…it has to be me or Sonny, and Sonny can’t—”

“He just had a baby,” Elizabeth murmured, her pencil moving again, but he thought she was only pretending now and not actually sketching. “He’d never hear the end of it from Carly.”

“That’s…what he said.” He exhaled in a short quick breath. “Elizabeth, I’m—”

“Don’t apologize.” Her eyes flicked to meet his and he still couldn’t see what she was thinking, feeling. “Jason, you’re doing exactly what you promised me you do all those months ago. You told me that you were going to get Ric out of my life to keep me and my daughter safe. You’ve never promised me more than that. So…go do what you have to do.”

“Okay.” She wasn’t angry, but he wanted her to be. At least when they argued, she was in the conversation. This…tense, cold acceptance of the situation was discomforting. “I don’t have to leave until tomorrow morning—”

“Oh, good.” Elizabeth glanced towards the kitchen. “I’ll heat up the lasagna Sonny brought us the other day.”

“I’ll do it,” Jason told her, getting to his feet. “You don’t need to be…on your feet.”

Elizabeth shrugged and returned to her sketchbook. He headed for the kitchen, still tense and waiting for the second shoe to drop.

Morgan Penthouse: Bedroom

It dropped the next morning, when he slipped out of bed to dress. They’d shared another quiet dinner and then later, they’d gone up to bed. For the first time in over a month, she’d reached for him, and though it hadn’t been easy, they’d made love, and he knew she intended it to be the last time.

They’d fallen asleep in each other’s arms, and then he’d woken up, and dressed. He leaned over the bed to brush a kiss to her forehead. “I’ll see you later,” he murmured.

He was almost out the door before he heard her soft answer. “Goodbye.”

I grieve in my condition for
I cannot find the words to say I need you so
Oh and every time I’m close to you
There’s too much I can’t say
And you just walk away
And I forgot to tell you
I love you
– I Love You, Sarah McLachlan

Tuesday, October 7, 2003

General Hospital: Hallway

Nadine handed Elizabeth a water from the vending machines and sat next to her in the small waiting area outside the maternity ward. “I was surprised Jason didn’t come with you today.”

Elizabeth sighed and twisted the cap off. Despite all the strides forward, Jason had only been to that one doctor’s appointment in June, though she knew he hadn’t missed the last few out of choice. It seemed every time her appointment approached, there were a dozen things he needed to do, and even hinting to Sonny about the appointments in hopes that he could clear Jason’s schedule in time hadn’t worked.

“There’s a lot he’s dealing with,” she said after a long sip. “I don’t hold it against him. It’s not like he’s missing much. I told you about his accident, right?” When Nadine nodded, she continued. “He has trouble seeing images sometimes. I can explain it to him, and that helps. I can point out where the arms and legs are, but all he can really see is a blob and the heartbeat.”

“Oh.” Nadine wrinkled her nose. “Well, that sucks for you, though.”

“It’s okay.” And it really was. Elizabeth had decided not to stress about the things she could not accept. She might want Jason’s support at these appointments, but she wasn’t going to ask him anymore, not after making it clear early on that she hoped he’d join her. He’d been here when she learned she was having a girl, so she’d cling to that. “Things are mostly fine…but I’m thinking about after the baby’s born.” Absently, Elizabeth pressed her hand over her abdomen as Cady kicked. “I can’t live with Jason forever—”

“Sure you can. If you’re in love and a family, that’s kind of the thing to do,” Nadine said.

“I think I’m running out of time to that to be true.” Elizabeth twisted slightly in her chair to face her friend. “I’m not…I think I’m pinning too much on hoping things being different after I have the baby…that Jason will look into her face, and not think about…” She hesitated. “That he won’t see how she got here, but just love her for who she is.”

Nadine pursed her lips. “This is one of those situations where the details get glossed. Okay. So basically, you think Jason doesn’t love your daughter right now. I can understand why you might think that. I’ve only seen him here once, and you told me you didn’t bring the baby up much in conversation until he suggested picking out a room for the nursery…but has he ever really give you a solid reason to doubt him?”

“You mean, is there something he’s said that makes me think he doesn’t love her the way a father would?” Elizabeth hesitated and thought about the question, because it was a fair one. “I guess…it’s the little things. When I talk about how it’s going to be in the future, it’s like…there’s this part of him that doesn’t think we have one—”

“No, no.” Nadine waved a hand. “That’s you again. You’re projecting what you think he thinks onto his actions. I’m saying…has he done something solid to doubt him?”

“He told me that we had to be realistic,” Elizabeth said slowly. “That we might not work.”

“Well, that’s not cheerful, but it’s not really evidence.” Nadine leaned forward. “Elizabeth, do you love him?”

“Yes,” Elizabeth admitted, wrinkling her nose.

“Does he love you?”

“He’s never said it…” She tilted her head to the side, remembering all the other things he’d never said. “But…I think he does. Sometimes he looks at me…” She smiled now. “The first time…after the pool table—”

“Which I still hate you for.”

“—he looked at me…” Elizabeth looked at her hands. “And I just…thought…if I could hold on to that look, to the way it makes me feel—like I’m the most beautiful person he’s ever seen, and he doesn’t understand why I’m standing there with him…if I could always feel that way, I’d never be unhappy again.”

“Oh, for…” Nadine huffed. “I’ll be jealous later. Here’s the advice. My aunt Rayleen used to say that love is a lot like a back ache. It may not show up on the X-rays, but you know it’s there.” When Elizabeth just laughed, Nadine reached out for her hand. “It sounds like you guys have trust issues. Love is amazing, but it’s not enough if you don’t talk about it.”

Elizabeth smiled, and then got to her feet. “You’re right. You’re always right about this stuff, you know. You’ve been telling me all summer to talk to him, but—”

As they started down the hallway towards the main waiting area and elevator, Nadine said, “I get it. It’s scary. You want to believe that if you don’t talk about it, that your problems will work out on their own. I don’t know, maybe you’re right. Maybe Cady will be born, and he’ll hold her for the first time, and it’ll all come together. It’s totally possible.”

“It’s what I’m pinning my hopes on,” Elizabeth admitted. “But I’m also being practical about what comes next. Even if Jason and I do work things out for the better, I still need a job. My grandmother has been extolling the virtues of the nursing program, and I…” She smiled, thinking of that winter in the studio, “have some experience caring for a sick person.”

“You’d be good at it, and hey, we could hang out all the time.”

It wasn’t until a day or so later that Elizabeth realized she should have been paying more attention to her surroundings, but she was so comfortable at the hospital, and felt secure there that she didn’t realize Dominic wasn’t standing at the doorway to the stairwell as he usually did during her appointments.

As she and Nadine passed the doorway, it flew open and a man in dark clothes and a ski mask rushed out. Elizabeth and Nadine froze for a moment, allowing the man to shove a cloth in her face, with a sickly sweet smell. Before Elizabeth could think to fight, her vision blurred and tilted at the sides.

General Hospital: Nurse’s Station

“Help! Someone help!”

Emily heard the screams from the hallway and saw Elizabeth’s guard rushing from the elevator towards it. She, too, dropped the charts in her hands and followed Cody. At her heels, Patrick Drake, one of the new residents, passed by her with his longer legs.

They rounded the corner and Emily stumbled to a stop, gasping when she saw Elizabeth crumpled on the ground and Nadine Crowell on the back of a man dressed in black, holding on to him with one arm around his neck and whacking him with a clipboard with her free hand.

“Help!” Nadine screeched. The man threw her off, and she went flying backwards into the wall. He rushed down the stairs, and Cody went straight after him. Ignoring all of that, Emily and Patrick flew to Elizabeth’s side. Emily reached for her pulse as Patrick rolled her to so Elizabeth was lying on her back. Around them, more doctors were swarming.

“She’s got a pulse.” Emily closed her eyes, feeling relief spread in her veins.

“He shoved something in her face,” Nadine said, panting as she crawled towards them.

“Someone get me a stretcher and a free room!” Patrick barked. He looked at Emily. “Do you know her?”

“E-Elizabeth Webber. She must have…” Emily swallowed hard. “She must have had an appointment with Kelly.”

Patrick looked at one of the other nurses just staring at them and snapped his fingers. “Find me that damn room and page Kelly Lee.” He looked around and spied a white cloth. He reached for it and grimaced before it was even close to him. “Chloroform.”

Alan and Monica were there, then, and the stretcher appeared. With Patrick and another orderly’s help, Elizabeth was lifted on the stretcher, and Patrick started to roll her towards the room they’d freed up.

“Emily!” Monica grabbed her daughter’s arm. “What happened?”

“Someone attacked her.” Emily looked at Nadine, who was wincing. “Nadine, you should get looked at. He threw you pretty hard.”

“He threw…” Alan repeated, looking at the blonde nurse in confusion. “What the hell happened here?”

“He grabbed her,” Nadine said, rubbing the small of her back. “She passed out, but I guess he wasn’t thinking about how difficult it might be to drag a pregnant woman into a stairwell, so I smacked him with my clipboard. He was distracted enough to let go of her and then I…” She blinked and swayed a little. Emily reached out and held her steady. “Um…I guess I actually jumped on his back and kept hitting him.”

“My God.” Monica pressed a hand to her mouth, trembling. “Where were her guards?”

“Cody ran past me after the guy,” Emily told her parents, and then frowned. “But…the other one. I don’t know his name.” She looked at Nadine. “Where…?”

“I…” Nadine stepped towards the stairwell, and pushed the door open. It was empty. “I don’t know.”

“We’d better call Jason,” Alan said firmly. “He needs to be here with her.”

General Hospital: Elevator

For the second time in a span of mere months, Jason Morgan found himself cursing at an elevator slowing him down from getting to Elizabeth, who’d just been attacked.

At his side, Sonny was visibly shaken. They’d never seriously thought Elizabeth would be in danger at the hospital, but a panicked call first from Monica that Elizabeth had been attacked and was being admitted for observation followed by Cody who’d lost the assailant in the stairwell and found Dominic bleeding from a head wound one flight down had cured them of that.

“I’m not letting her out of my sight for the rest of my life,” Sonny muttered and jabbed at the buttons as if that would make this goddamn car move faster. “That’s it. We’re assigning guards to surround her from back and front, side to side. She’ll barely be able to move, but I’ll be satisfied.”

Jason ignored his friend’s mutterings, because he knew he was to blame for this. He’d wanted to go to her doctor’s appointment today, he really had, but there’d been another damn shipment problem and she’d just smiled at him, told him not to worry. It was just routine.

Never again.

Finally, the damn doors opened and Jason, for the first time that he could remember, was relieved to find his parents standing by the nurse’s station, his sister hovering nervously around them. He strode forward. “Where is she? Is she okay?”

“Her OB is with her, and one of our residents has been assigned to the case.” Monica hesitantly touched his arm. “But Kelly and Patrick think she’s fine.” She gestured to Emily. “Emily was there when it happened.”

“Em?” Jason turned his eyes on his sister, for the first time in months. “What happened?”

“I heard screaming,” Emily said, her face pale. He saw her hands shaking as she pushed her hair out of her face. “Her guard at the elevator was already running towards the hallway at that point, and Nadine was whacking the crap out of the guy. He must have figured he was out of options once he heard all the commotion, because he threw her…”

“The guy got out of the hospital,” Alan growled. “I’m so sorry, Jason. I thought…between the both of us, that I had covered all the bases, but there was a service stairwell that didn’t have any cameras working. He got out the door just before we called the lockdown.”

“I know.” Jason exhaled slowly and exchanged a glance with Sonny, because further dissection of this mess was going to have to wait. “Thank you…I know you’ve taken Elizabeth’s safety seriously.” He looked at Emily. “Thanks, Emily.”

“You should thank Nadine Crowell,” Emily told him. “She bruised her back when they threw her and we think she might have a concussion, but she was hitting him, keeping him from dragging Elizabeth away.”

“I just…” Jason forced himself to be calm even though he wanted to come out of his skin. “I need to see Elizabeth.”

“Of course.” Monica took his arm and started to lead him away.

Alan cleared his throat and looked at Sonny with annoyance, but concern for his grandchild outweighed his hatred. “Unfortunately, the cops are involved, Sonny. There was nothing I could do about that. Mac and Taggart are questioning the staff as we speak. Your guard with the head injury was admitted for stitches and observation. The other one isn’t speaking until his lawyer gets here.”

Sonny rubbed his forehead. Goddamn nightmare. “Thanks. I’ll…take care of it. Ah, if there are any damages, let me know. I really…” He shook his head. “I never wanted to bring this to the hospital. We thought…”

“”Well, you live a violent life, it touches everything,” Alan said with an edge, because he just couldn’t contain himself. “I pray to God you do a better job of protecting my grandchild than you have Elizabeth so far.”

General Hospital: Elizabeth’s Room

Monica pushed open the door and Jason entered to find Elizabeth’s doctor, Kelly, standing next to a tall, dark-haired man he’d never met before. “Kelly, Patrick, this is my son, Jason. He’s Elizabeth’s…” She hesitated and looked at her son with trepidation, not knowing how to explain this.

“I’ve met Jason,” Kelly said quickly. She nodded. “Elizabeth was given a dose of chloroform, which didn’t knock her out because you need at least five minutes for that to work. However, she was apparently woozy from it, so when he released her, she was dizzy, tripped and hit her head as she fell.”

Jason closed his eyes, and fisted his hands at his side. “How bad?” he asked. “Is…” He looked at her, lying unconscious in the bed in a hospital gown, her face pale and stark against the sheets. “Will she be all right? And…the baby?”

“I’m going to run a CT to be safe,” the other doctor said. “But we don’t think it’s going to be a problem, concussion wise. She’ll be sore when she wakes up, but otherwise…” He looked at Kelly, who nodded.

“And we did a quick ultrasound. Everything looks good.” She made a notation in her chart. “So don’t worry, Daddy. Baby Girl Morgan is as healthy now as she was an hour ago at the appointment. We’re keeping her overnight, just to be on the safe side.”

When Jason said nothing, but moved past them to sit in the chair by Elizabeth’s side, Monica smiled at them. “Thanks, Kelly. Patrick. We’ll take care of it from here. Let me know how Nadine is doing.”

Jason turned at that though. “Nadine? The nurse who was with her? Can I…can she have a visitor?”

“Ah….” Monica looked at Patrick. “How’s she feeling?”

“She’s resting now, but she wanted me to update her on Elizabeth as soon as possible.” Patrick looked at Jason. “You can see her for a minute or two, but she took a pretty good whack in the head when the guy threw her against the wall.”

“I’ll take you in a moment, after Patrick has a chance to check on her. Nadine’s just across the hall,” Monica told Jason. She smiled again as the two doctors exited the room. “Is there anything you need, Jason?”

“No.” But he looked at her. “Thank you. For everything.”

General Hospital: Nadine’s Room

After almost ten minutes, Patrick poked his head back in the room to let Monica know he was done examining Nadine, so she took Jason across the hall where the normally perky nurse was lying in her own hospital bed, looking annoyed.

“Dr. Quartermaine, can’t you make them let me out of this bed?” Nadine demanded. “My head only hurts a little…” She winced. “And my back is basically fine. Nothing a hot bath wouldn’t cure—”

“Suck it up, Nurse Crowell,” Monica said with a fond smile. She patted her hand. “Jason wanted to have a chance to talk to you and then Patrick said you’re staying overnight to be sure your concussion doesn’t worsen.”

“Bah.” Nadine let her head fall back against the pillows.

“Monica, can you sit with Elizabeth in case she wakes up?” Jason asked. Monica nodded and left the room. Jason hesitated and stood at the end of the nurse’s bed, his hands in his pockets. “I…wanted to tell you thank you.”

Nadine shrugged. “Not a problem. She’s my friend, too. The first one I’ve made here, so—”

“I know you did it for her,” Jason cut in. “But…” He swallowed hard. “If anything had happened to her, to the baby…” He shook his head, not knowing exactly what to say. “I’m glad you weren’t hurt more seriously.”

“Me, too.” Nadine sighed. “If I’d had time, I would have gone for the fire extinguisher. One good whack of that and he’d be knocked out, we’d have him and you guys would know what he was up to. But, no, I just had a stupid clipboard.” She closed her eyes. “My head is on fire, though.”

“I’ll leave you alone, then, but…” Jason paused. “If there’s anything you need, you just let me know.” He nodded at Elizabeth’s friend again and then made his way across the hall.

General Hospital: Nurse’s Station

Emily watched as Patrick stepped into the hub and slid a chart into the holder. “Hey…Elizabeth and Nadine are okay?”

“As okay as two assault victims can be,” Patrick muttered, reaching for another chart. “What kind of insane person comes into a hospital and tries to kidnap a pregnant woman? How many types of dumb do you have to be?” He hesitated. “I’ve only lived in Port Charles for five minutes, but even I’ve heard the rumors about Jason Morgan and his pregnant girlfriend. Who tries to kidnap his girlfriend?”

“Someone with a death wish,” Kelly mused. “He looked pretty torn up about it. Guess I was wrong about him not giving a damn.” When Patrick just frowned at her, Kelly shrugged. “He’s never at the appointments. Number one indicator of uninvolved daddy.”

“But doesn’t she have guards?” Patrick asked. “I saw that one guy by the elevator.”

“She has two, usually,” Emily murmured. “They cover the exits between Kelly’s office and the elevator so no one gets near her…” She hesitated.

So there’s no way I could get near her to apologize.

“Em?” Kelly tapped her on the arm. “You okay? I know you and Elizabeth used to be pretty close until you guys were fighting last spring.” She clucked her tongue. “Must have been difficult to see her going through that.”

“Yeah…” Emily cleared her throat. “You guys talked to the cops yet?”

“Yeah, some annoying bastard named Taggart grabbed me after I came out of Nadine’s room,” Patrick reached for a new chart. “Wanted me to tell him everything I know about Sonny Corinthos and Jason Morgan. I told him I met the babydaddy for about five seconds. Long enough to tell him the condition of the patient and then I left. I didn’t even really see the incident.”

Maybe I could get near her at the hospital…they don’t always follow her around.

“Quartermaine!”

Emily blinked and looked at the charge nurse for the floor, Epiphany Johnson, as the heavy set woman tapped her finger. “Yeah?”

“You got rounds or you gonna stand there all day?”

“Dude, aren’t you a nurse?” Patrick asked, irritated. “Do you even get to bother the med students?” When Epiphany turned a glare on him, he closed his mouth, grabbed a chart and disappeared.

“I’m going,” Emily promised.

I’m not going to sit around and wallow anymore. I’m going to start being true to myself again.

She left the hub, and shook the thoughts from her brain. It was just a coincidence, she was sure of it. Courtney was doing so well, had even started dating again. There was no way she’d had any involvement in this.

No way at all.

General Hospital: Elizabeth’s Room

Blearily, Elizabeth pushed her eyes open and blinked. Where…

When she realized she was in the hospital, she jerked fully awake, and stiffened, raising herself up partially on her elbow. “What’s going on?”

“Whoa…” Jason stood up from his chair and pushed her hair off her forehead. “Hey, hey. Take it easy.”

“Jason…” Elizabeth pressed a hand to her abdomen and breathed easier when she felt Cady pushing back against her. “Cady’s okay?  She’s okay, right? I woke up, and I thought…” She closed her eyes. “What…what happened?”

“Just…relax for a second.” He pushed her shoulders back gently and then reached for the control on her bed to bring the top part up. “Patrick and Kelly want you to take it easy. You’re staying here tonight.”

“Jason, Cady’s okay?” She reached out and wrapped her fingers around his wrist. “I can feel her kicking, but…I just…she’s okay?”

“She’s perfect,” he promised her, and she saw no tension in his shoulders as he said the words. Only concern. “Kelly did an ultrasound, they ran some tests. Cady is as healthy as she was before you left her office earlier.”

Everything else could wait a moment as Elizabeth closed her eyes and nodded. “Okay. Okay. I was going to the elevator with Nadine. We were talking. I—I don’t really remember anything else…” She paused. “Someone…came out of the stairwell…?”

“What we know is that Dominic should have been at the stairs,” Jason told her. “We found him a few flights down with a head wound. The cameras were off in that stairwell, but someone hacked into the feed and looped in an older tape, showing no movement. Cody chased the guy, but he got away before Alan could lock the place down.” He took her hand in his. “He tried to disorient you with chloroform, so that you’d be dizzy and wouldn’t fight him, but he didn’t…” And she was surprised to see a slight smile on Jason’s face. “They didn’t factor in your friend Nadine.”

“What did she do? Is she okay?” Elizabeth clenched his hand. “Where is she?”

“She’s across the hall. She hit him with her clipboard, and the guy let you go. You hit your head as you feel. When he went for you again, Nadine jumped on his back, tried to choke him with one hand and kept hitting him with the other. Emily told me she heard Nadine’s screams and the cavalry came running.”

“Emily…” Elizabeth blinked. “She was here?”

“She was worried for you,” Jason admitted. “She and another resident got you to a room. Nadine has a concussion and she bruised her back, from where the guy threw her and she hit the wall.”

“Oh, my God.” Elizabeth brought her free hand to her mouth. “But she’s okay?”

“She’s okay. She’s being kept overnight like you, and is chafing at the bit about it.” Jason sighed and looked down at their joined hands. “I…I’m so sorry. I don’t know how this happened. We should have had more guards, should have had people watching the security footage.” He closed his eyes. “I should have been here. I wanted to be, you might not believe that—”

“I do believe that,” Elizabeth murmured. “Jason, you told me that any attempt to get to me here would be desperate. I tried to vary my appointments so they couldn’t predict which day I’d be here. I had guards stationed on the exits. And you might think you failed today…”

“I did fail,” Jason said firmly. “You’re in a hospital bed—”

“I am fine.” Elizabeth sighed. “Jason, the security precautions aren’t just to keep danger from coming near me, they’re to keep danger from hurting me. We know that Ric and Faith are desperate, they’d have to be. And they found a loophole—that I was alone. But they didn’t count on Nadine, or that Cody was less than fifty feet away, or that we’re surrounded by people. You didn’t fail because they never came close to taking me.”

“I…” Jason paused and frowned at her. “Elizabeth—”

“Did you think they wouldn’t try again?” Elizabeth asked. “They did. They failed. Again. And it took them months to figure out how to get to me. If they’re desperate, they’re going to start making mistakes.”

“I know everything you’re saying is right,” Jason said after a long moment. “But I didn’t want this to touch you. To hurt you.”

“At the end of the day, no one can promise that.” Elizabeth sighed and closed her eyes. “You’re sure Kelly said everything was fine?”

“I promise.” He sighed. “Your grandmother is coming by later. She was here while you were out, too. And Mac or Taggart will be here tomorrow to question you. Alan had to report it to them.”

“What do you want me to say?” Elizabeth asked. “I don’t know that much.”

“Tell them the truth,” Jason told her. “They’re not likely to find the guy, and you can tell them you think Ric took the news badly, that he threatened you back then.”

“Okay.” She opened her eyes and looked at him. “Do…you have somewhere to be…or can you stay here? I—I don’t really want to be alone tonight.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Jason told her.

All that I wanted from you
Was something you’d never do
So let me in
Oh please tonight
Don’t let this end
Tonight
Cause’ I’m starting to fall
So let me in
– Let Me In, Save Ferris

Thursday, September 18, 2003

Kelly’s: Courtyard

Emily pulled her cardigan tighter around her sweater, already missing the heat of summer. Days like this she missed California, where the summer lasted far longer than September, but if she wanted to live near her family, living in upstate New York was the price she had to pay.

She smiled at her breakfast partner, who was absorbed in stirring her tea, and then sipped her hot chocolate. She set the mug down and looked at the other two empty chairs at either end of the table, remembering other meals at Kelly’s. Remembering when the person across from her had been a brunette and also sipping hot chocolate. They’d once split three packets of the stuff between them, overfilling their mugs with whipped cream and sprinkles.

Instead, she sat across from Courtney Matthews who sipped tea.

Her stomach rolled, as often had in the nearly three months since she had spoken to her brother or her best friend. She’d been upset at contributing to Elizabeth’s bed rest, and had decided that her niece or nephew was more important than trading snide remarks with her former best friend. And that regaining her brother’s respect had been more important.

But she’d seen Elizabeth at the hospital for appointments, for lunches with her grandmother and Nadine Crowell. How her pregnancy had advanced, the way the sadness in her eyes had faded—sadness Emily had never really registered. She hadn’t seen her brother nearly as often—occasionally on the docks or here at Kelly’s. He’d never been one to wear his emotions on his sleeve, particularly in public, but he didn’t look as tense or annoyed with the world.

And the more she’d met with Courtney, the more she’d wondered how she’d got it all wrong. She’d listened to Courtney’s bitter rants and realized they didn’t quite match the syrupy version she’d received when she’d come home in March. How Courtney just knew Jason saw her that way, but he’d been such a stand-up guy that he’d broken things off with Elizabeth before he’d ever told her, showed her. That’s why it hurt so much that he’d cheated on her, that he’d lied to her and wouldn’t give her the time of day.

Emily glanced up as the man in question entered the courtyard. Jason glanced at their table, met Emily’s eyes and then looked away. He disappeared into the restaurant. She exhaled slowly. “I miss him,” she murmured.

Courtney tapped the side of her tea cup and nodded. “I’m sorry you guys argued about me—”

“We didn’t,” Emily interrupted. “I mean, not really.” She set her mug down. “He was upset because Elizabeth went on bed rest for a while in June, and he said that the way I was…treating her had been a factor. I…” Emily hesitated, because she didn’t want to make Courtney angry. The blonde had spent the better part of the summer, living on anger and bitterness, but the past few weeks had been different. The weight seemed to have lifted from her shoulders.

“You took my side against Elizabeth,” Courtney said with a guilty smile. “Em, I never meant for that to happen. I know I put you in the middle more than I should have, but…” She leaned back and sighed. “Carly changed her mind about liking me, I guess I was only useful when I was dating Jason.”

“Courtney, you were hurt.” Emily paused. “No matter how my brother and Elizabeth ended their relationship, or even if you were…a rebound, he shouldn’t have cheated on you.” She bit her lip. “But, yeah, I took your side over Elizabeth’s, which…seemed like the right one at the time. You were my friend, too. I mean, Elizabeth and I were close when we were teenagers, but after I had my accident, we drifted apart.” Emily stared at her hands. “We both called and wrote, talked about her coming out to see me, or me coming home once I started UCLA, but it…just never happened. She got busy with life here, I was busy with life in California. And then…” She sucked in a breath. “She called me last summer to tell me she’d slept with my ex-boyfriend. I was so angry with her. I hung up on her, didn’t even let her explain.”

“What was there to explain?” Courtney asked dully. “I knew she and Jason were fighting after that, well not…” She paused. “Not fighting, But there was a distance that hadn’t been there before. He didn’t look at her the way he had before.”

“Yeah, but I guess…” Emily shook her head. “Zander had lived here another year without me, and Elizabeth was one of the few people he knew. Maybe…they got closer. I don’t know. There are a thousand reasons she could have done it, and I never let her tell me even one. I didn’t even know about her and Jason until I came home. But I remembered the year before, when he’d been home the last time, how he’d been so upset because he cared so much about her, and she kept jerking him around…” She closed her eyes. “But maybe I didn’t want to see how sad she’d been, how unhappy she’d been with Lucky for months.”

“She could have broken up with him,” Courtney said, her mouth tight. “She didn’t have to—”

“No.” Emily smiled, feeling sorrow at how she hadn’t seen Elizabeth. She’d only seen Lucky. For months, she’d only seen her childhood best friend and known he wasn’t the same boy, that he hadn’t come back all the way, and if Elizabeth would just concentrate on him and forget about Jason, maybe Lucky would come back and it would be like it had been before.

“C’mon, Emily. No one has to stay in a relationship that makes them miserable.” Courtney rolled her eyes. “I came along at the tail end of that, and I can’t even understand why she loved him in the first place—”

“You didn’t know them then.” Emily looked away. “I don’t say that to make you upset or point out how far back I go with Elizabeth, but before we thought Lucky died in that fire, I wanted a love like theirs. I know they were young, but…” Emily hesitated. “They’d been so happy together. The way they looked at one another, they were so in sync. I just…” She tilted her head up the sky. “When he came home, I didn’t see that they weren’t those people anymore. He’d been through so much, she’d been dealing with thinking he was dead, but everyone told them they were perfect together, and I know they both felt an obligation to one another to live those dreams again.”

“Emily—”

“And we all pressured her when Lucky was having difficulties. We told her to keep trying, that she and Lucky were perfect together.” Emily rubbed the side of her face. “I didn’t see it. I knew she and Jason were close before he left that first time. I used to think…” Emily pressed her lips together. “That if Lucky had been really dead, if he hadn’t left…”

“But Lucky was alive, and Jason left. Emily, I don’t know the point of all this—”

“The point of this is that I…” Emily met the exasperated eyes of her brother’s ex-girlfriend. “I think maybe I blamed her for not trying hard enough. Lucky was my best friend in the whole world, the first one I made here in Port Charles, and I think…maybe I thought she should have tried harder. If she hadn’t been distracted by Jason, she could have…”

“Made Lucky be the way he used to be?” Courtney supplied. “Well, I mean, it’s not like I like her or even know him that well, but…” As if annoyed with herself for taking Elizabeth’s side, she huffed. “Should that have been her job?”

“No…which makes what Nikolas and I did to her so much worse. I wish I could go back, and tell that girl it was okay she didn’t want to be a model, that she had stopped loving Lucky the way she had before the fire, that it was okay that she had feelings for someone else.”

“But that’s not why you’re fighting now,” Courtney told her. “You’re fighting now because of how she hurt your brother. How she wasn’t honest with you.”

“But it’s the same thing as before,” Emily replied. “I’m not asking her how it happened, how she and Jason fell apart, how they came back together, why she slept with Zander. I’m just…judging her for those things. I’m still taking someone else’s side.”

“I guess.” Courtney shrugged a shoulder. “I mean, I get it, Emily, I do. She’s your best friend going back to high school. I only dated Jason a few months. I look at her now, and she’s having a baby, Em. I made it more difficult for her than I had to.” She swirled her spoon in her now cold tea. “I guess I figured I was a rebound for Jason at first. He was for me, but I really thought that changed after a while. I thought…”

“I just want to apologize to her,” Emily murmured. “I don’t expect her to forgive me, or even understand why I did what I did, but I just want her to know that I know what I did was wrong. I mean, I made the situation so much worse, Courtney. I dropped all these hints to Ric, and then Elizabeth couldn’t deal with things the way she wanted to. Instead, she and Jason have to play damage control. You find out from Ric in front of a dozen people. It’s my fault.”

“I could have been nicer to her. I didn’t have to…” Courtney sighed. “I was pretty nasty to her the last time I saw her and Carly here together. I was so angry that she was stealing my best friend after I lost Jason, but Carly wasn’t my best friend. She’s Jason’s best friend, and I forgot that for a long time. I said some really awful things.”

“But it’s not like Jason would let me within a hundred miles of her right now.” Emily put her elbow on the table, and propped her chin on her first. “And I’m sure her guards aren’t supposed to let anyone stress her out, not with the baby due in less than three months.”

“Yeah.” Courtney nodded. “I know the guards don’t like me. Especially Cody. I used to…” Her cheeks flushed. “I used to make him help Elizabeth close up the nights we had the last shift. I knew he wouldn’t let her lift anything heavy, but…” She shrugged. “I shouldn’t have done it. So there’s no way I could get near her to apologize. Not after the last stunt.”

“Maybe I could get near her at the hospital,” Emily mused. “The security is relatively tight there, my dad has insisted on it after the crap that’s happened there over the last few years, so they don’t always follow her around. Usually, there’s one at the elevator and one at the stairwell that’s between the waiting area and her doctor’s office.” With her free hand, she tapped her fingers restlessly against the table. “I don’t even know if I should bother before the baby is born. Maybe until I can’t cause her more stress.”

“Well, Em, you have to do what’s right for you,” Courtney said. She popped a piece of strawberry from her fruit plate in her mouth and watched as Jason, now with a cup of coffee, exited Kelly’s, glanced at their table again, and then left the courtyard. “That’s all we can do, really, you know. Follow our instincts.”

“Lucky used to say you should be true to yourself,” Emily murmured. “I think it’s good advice.”

“Exactly.” Courtney nodded. “And after this crappy summer, that’s the big change I’m going to make.” She lifted her tea and finished it one gulp, even though it had to be ice cold at this point. “I’m not going to sit around and wallow anymore. I’m going to start being true to myself again.”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

“It’s just for a few hours.” Elizabeth sighed, already exhausted by this argument. For two weeks, Jason had asked her to stay inside, for visitors to come to her. He hadn’t been specific, but she knew he felt her security had been threatened in some way—that Ric and Faith had been toying with them all summer, hoping for an opportunity to take Elizabeth. They were desperate, Jason told her, and he knew she was safe as long as she was in this building.

“Elizabeth—”

Elizabeth rolled her eyes and stepped towards the balcony, looking out over the harbor, wishing she was out there. In the last four months, she had spent more time in this penthouse than she had outside it and she was starting to chafe. Jason had tried to make it comfortable here, clearing out a space for her to paint, but she wanted her studio, she wanted to go to Kelly’s to have lunch with her grandmother. He got to go have coffee there every morning, why couldn’t she just…be outside for an hour? She glared at the evidence of his own visit, sitting empty on the coffee table.

“This is one of the reasons I pushed away,” he said quietly. She frowned now and looked at him. “Because of times like this, when your safety had to take priority over your happiness.”

She bit her lip and flicked her eyes back to the outside world. “Jason—”

“You already have to be escorted everywhere by two guards,” he interrupted, his voice rough. “You can’t paint where you want to, you can’t go out and do things when you want. I knew—”

“Just…stop…” She held up a hand, hoping he would stop talking about how this argument was justification for always pushing her away. “I might be frustrated, but it’s not like I don’t get it, okay? I do. And I’ll suck it up. But…” She rubbed the side of her head. “I just want you to let me be frustrated without pushing me away. The guards don’t bother me, being driven around doesn’t either— it’s not like I was a great driver anyway. The studio is just a room, and…” Well, the third point had some merit. “My grandmother will just have to learn to be comfortable visiting here.”

He shook his head. “You don’t—”

“Jason, it isn’t always like this,” Elizabeth said. “I know this. I remember when Sonny and Carly got married that first time. There were threats, yeah, you came home to take care of something that ended up with the warehouse burning down, but Carly went about her business at Deception, annoying me. I remember when you were dating Robin, because Emily was my friend. Robin had a guard, but she had a life and friends.”

“But—”

“The threat right now is different,” Elizabeth said simply. “I don’t know the details, and I don’t want to know them, but I know you think Ric and Faith are trying to distract you in one area, hoping that it will lead you to loosen my security a bit. That means this particular threat is aimed at me. So I’ll vent, and I’ll stomp my foot. But…” She lowered herself onto the sofa next to him. “At the end of the day, my life, my daughter’s life is more important to me than going to Kelly’s for lunch.”

Jason exhaled and he looked away. She wondered if he was just trying to think of something to counter her argument. “It won’t be like this,” he finally said. “You’ll have one guard. You’ll…be able to get a job if you want. Come and go. But this might happen again—”

“And we’ll probably get annoyed with each other then.” She hesitated. “Jason, you are important enough to me to make sacrifices. What we have is important enough for me to take that risk. Are you ever going to accept that I’m exactly where I want to be?”

“I do, most of the time.” He pressed the heel of his hand to his forehead. “I just…there’s so much I can’t control—”

“Which is why we take precautions. Why you guys have this placed locked up tighter than Fort Knox. Nadine jokes she’s sure the next time she shows up, they’ll strip search her. Jason…” Normally, she would have straddled him to force him to look at her, to meet her eyes, but she’d woken up this week, and for the first time, felt seven months pregnant. She settled for taking his hand in hers and lacing their fingers together. “Sometimes the way you talk…it makes me think you don’t see us learning how to make this work.”

He hesitated, looking at their fingers and then met her eyes, but she was annoyed that his faced was closed. “I’m just being realistic,” he said finally. “That it might not.”

She sighed and sat back, letting his hand slide from hers. “What if my grandmother and I promised to eat inside the restaurant? You know that Bobbie doesn’t mind if you put a guy on the exit and the entrance.”

“Yeah, I guess that’ll work.” She was exhausted from constantly having to be the one to make the step forward. He wanted her to stay, but he hadn’t been lying when he said he didn’t know how make to her want to, and she was beginning to think he didn’t expect her to. If she thought his hesitation to trust in them was something she could fix, she’d try to…but she just didn’t think it was. Particularly since he couldn’t bring himself to answer her hesitant questions about the future.

She was foolishly pinning her hopes on things changing when Cady was born, because she knew he’d have to be in the delivery room with her. He would hold her, and she really wanted to believe he would look at this baby he had watched come into this world and love her for who she was in her own right, and forget that she was biologically Ric Lansing’s daughter.

But even though they had now acknowledged the baby, had begun to decorate a nursery, she still didn’t feel any sense of…connection to the future. To the idea that they would be a family. If he didn’t look at Cady with the love her daughter deserved, how could she stay? So maybe he was right have that hesitation, because until she knew he would accept her daughter, she couldn’t tell him she loved him. She didn’t want to say those words, and have him look at her with those beautiful eyes and say them back, knowing she couldn’t trust them.

If he didn’t love Cady, then he couldn’t love Cady’s mother.

Elizabeth sighed. “I’ll call my grandmother to let her know I’ll be there soon.” She leaned over and kissed him. “Thanks.”

As she disappeared up the stairs, there was a knock on the door and Francis pushed open. “Hey, Jase. Mrs. C wants to speak to Miss Webber.”

Carly slowly came in, not nearly as mobile in her eighth month of pregnancy. “Man, this sucks. I don’t remember being this miserable with Michael.”

Jason stood to take her hand and lower her to the armchair. “You were too busy making sure AJ was out of the picture, that I was agreeing to help you and that Tony was far away from you.”

“Hmm…yeah, I was distracted.” She glanced around. “Where’s the Muffin?”

“Getting ready for lunch with her grandmother.”

“She gets to go out?” Carly pouted. “Lucky brat.” She sighed. “But even if I wanted to go out, I don’t know where I’d go. I’m fat, Jason. And this is your fault.”

He heard Elizabeth laugh as she came down the stairs. “Carly, how do you figure Jason got you in this mess?”

“He convinced me to marry Sonny,” Carly grumbled. “Ipso facto, that makes it his fault.”

Elizabeth frowned, with a good natured smile. “Ipso facto? When did you learn Latin?”

“I get very, bored Muffin. I read a list of Latin terms on the Internet and for funsies, I memorized them.” Carly groaned and let her head fall back. “That’s where I am in this pregnancy, Jason. I am so bored I’m learning crap.”

“Well, that’s a cause for alarm.” Elizabeth leaned in and kissed Jason on the cheek. “I’ll be back from lunch in a few hours.”

“Be careful,” Jason called after her as she pulled open the door. Carly twisted slightly in her chair and frowned.

“Well, frick, I didn’t even get to ask her if she finished the sketch for Morgan’s nursery. I want to paint his name on the wall, and she said she’d work on something arty for me.” She pursed her lip. “Well…now that I’ve docked myself here, I’m going to annoy you for at least ten minutes to make this trip worth it.”

Jason sighed and sat on the sofa. “Nothing new there, Carly.”

“Did Muffin show you the colors she picked out for Cady’s room?” Carly asked.

“Are you ever going to stop calling her that?” Jason asked, ignoring her. “She has a name, Carly.”

“Bah. She likes it, I think. It’s our thing.” She narrowed her eyes. “I thought you guys settled things, that you were on the same page about the baby.”

“I’m still not having is conversation with you,” Jason told her. He barely wanted to have this conversation with himself much less Carly, but she was, as she’d put it, docked in his living room and it wasn’t as though he could physically kick her out.

“I swear to God, Jason Morgan, if you screw this up after I’ve gone to the trouble of working the Muffin into my life, I will never let you hear the end of it,” Carly snarled. She pointed her index finger at him. “Do you understand me? I bonded with the woman. She’s designing my nursery. I helped her with the colors for hers. I bought her freaking baby clothes. I did everything you and Sonny wanted me to do, and—”

“Carly, it’s okay if you like Elizabeth. Most people do,” Jason interrupted, ignoring the purpose of her rant and just enjoying Carly’s annoyance. “It’s not a bad thing to make a friend.”

“Oh, piss off.” Carly narrowed her eyes. “Oh, no, Jason. I see what you did there. Trying to lull me into a sense of security by insulting me so I won’t notice you’re avoiding me again. Damn it, Jason, are you going to make me say it straight out? Again? How many times do I have to tell you that the only person screwing your relationship up this time is you?” She scowled. “And you know I hate to take her side, but frick it, I don’t have a choice—”

“Do you want me to help you up?” Jason said blandly. Carly’s scowl only intensified, and then he was mildly horrified to see her eyes were almost glossy. “Carly—”

“You think I’m stupid? That I don’t get it?” She dug her elbows into the armchair, trying to hoist herself to her feet. Reflexively, Jason hauled her up. “You want the Muffin to stay, but you’re pretty sure she won’t. Which means you’ll watch another mother take another child you love away from you.”

Because he was annoyed to discover Carly did, in fact, get it, he just shook his head. “I told you, Carly—”

“You have to have this conversation with someone, Jason.” Carly braced a hand at her back. “Because if you don’t, you’re going to get exactly what you deserve. No mother should ever feel like her child is a burden or obligation. After everything I put you through with Michael, you never made me once feel like you regretted it. You hated what I did, what Robin did, but I know you. You’d do it all over again.”

Jason swallowed hard. “Carly—”

“So why do I rate that kind of consideration, but the woman you’re stupid about doesn’t?” Tears were sliding out of Carly’s eyes, and she swiped angrily at them. “You see what happens? I’m crying over goddamn Elizabeth Muffin Webber.” She started across the room, but turned at the door. “You deserve everything you get if you keep making her feel like her baby isn’t good enough. And if I’m wrong, and it’s not because of Michael, but because of Ric Lansing, well, then…” She huffed. “You don’t deserve her anyway. Which only pisses me off more.”

She opened the door, stepped gingerly out into the hallway, and then slammed it behind her.

Corinthos-Morgan Coffee Warehouse: Sonny’s Office

Sonny Corinthos had a pisser of a headache brewing and the reason for it stood in his office, clutching his laptop to his chest with one hand, a sheaf of papers in the other, and a goddamn beanie cap on his head. He knew he wasn’t a good person, but what had he ever done to deserve Damien Spinelli?

“So, Mr. Sir, as I had previously stated, the shell companies were quite well hidden, and it was only through the talent of the Jackal that I was able to—”

Sonny cut off the rambling young man with a hand and looked at Jason. “Long story short. I read Spinelli’s report. I read it five times. I still don’t understand this bullshit. He doesn’t listen to me when I tell him to speak English. I’m hoping you’ll scare him.”

Jason, who looked worn out, rubbed his eyes and turned his best lethal glare on Spinelli. The other man gulped and cleared his throat. “Yes, Stone Cold, sir. The shell companies that were receiving the siphoned funds from the casinos were very complicated, and I managed to track them back to the Lansing family out of Crimson Pointe.”

Sonny had the sudden urge to slam his head into the desk. Fucking Lansing family. Fucking Crimson Pointe. Fucking Anthony goddamn Zacchara. He was a crazy son of a bitch and made Sonny look like the poster child for mental health. “So it was Trevor Lansing, and therefore, Zacchara.”

“Not necessarily, Mr. Sir,” Spinelli bobbed his head. “The Lansing holdings are enormously diverse and therefore I am still untangling which member of the family owns what. Several of the shell companies appeared to go right to Richard Lansing, while one or two of them passed through Trevor Lansing’s hands before being transferred first to one Anthony Zacchara, then back to Richard Lansing. I cannot say at this time who makes the final decisions.”

Jason folded her arms and scowled. “Will you be able to at some point? You’re supposed to be good at this.”

Spinelli drew himself up, indignant. “I will have you know that the Jackal is unsurpassed in cyberspace, but I cannot create records or databases that simply do not exist. I have to hack into Swiss bank accounts and offshore Caymans to pinpoint the exact withdrawer of the finds. This is not a point and click operation.” He coughed. “Sir. I should know by the end of the week. I humbly apologize for the—”

“Ah, stop talking or I’m going to shoot you,” Sonny muttered, covering his face with his hands. “Go away. Drink all the orange soda you can get your hands on and come back and tell me if which son of a bitch is gunning for me.”

“I will accede to your wishes, Mr. Sir.” Spinelli looked at Jason. “Stone Cold, sir.” And with that, the computer hacker had disappeared out of the office.

“I think Stan was fucking with me when he put me in touch with this bastard,” Sonny all but moaned. “Because, sure, he knows what he’s doing, but I’ll end up murdering him in the process.” He stabbed a finger at Jason. “And you’re gonna testify on my behalf, Jase. You’re going to tell them I was provoked.”

“He didn’t give us much to work with,” Jason sighed, lowering himself into a chair. “But it’s something to keep in mind. None of the Families have been as helpful as we’d hoped they’d be, but the Zaccharas even less.”

“Trevor doesn’t like me because of my mother.” Sonny rubbed his bottom lip. “Tell you what—knowing the connection between my mother and Lansing helps me understand why Zacchara’s always been a pain in my ass. Always more difficult than it needs to be with negotiations. Bastard’s been after me for years.”

“But he’s been content to stick it to you in small ways,” Jason pointed out. “He apparently gets more satisfaction from needling you rather than going after you the way Ric apparently did.”

“True.” Sonny sighed. “Still no closer to tracking that bastard down. I’d be a lot happier if I could watch him sink to the bottom of the harbor.” Suddenly he felt every inch of his nearly forty years. “If I had just let you kill him after what we found out about Carly, Elizabeth wouldn’t be going through this. She must be going insane, stuck in that penthouse.”

“She negotiated her way into lunch with her grandmother today,” Jason admitted. “For two hours. I got a call from Dominic before I came in that she was home. But yeah, she’s starting to get antsy.”

“She good otherwise?” Sonny asked. “Health wise?”

“Fine,” Jason said, and Sonny was surprised by the edge in his tone.

“You sure? You don’t sound like she’s fine.” Sonny crossed to the mini bar and poured himself some water. “Carly wants to drag her out for baby furniture this week. I want them to sit in the penthouse with a computer so they can order online—”

“Why can’t either of you just drop it?” Jason demanded. “I get it. Neither one of you think I’m doing anything right. I’m a complete failure. I don’t need you two to double team me.”

Sonny blinked, his water in his hand. “Ah…I’m not sure what you mean, Jase. It’s called conversation.”

“You think I don’t know what the situation is?” Jason dug the heel of his hand into his eye. “I live with it every day. I know I messed this up, just like I did last year. I get it. I do not want you or Carly shoving it in my face—”

“Um.” Sonny turned his head slightly, trying to understand what was going on here. Clearly, Jason was having a bit of temper tantrum. He didn’t even know that was possible. “I’m sorry?” he offered.

“Whatever.” Jason grabbed a stack of files. “I’m going home.”

“Okay,” Sonny drawled and watched his best friend all but stomp out of the room. Well, what the hell crawled up his ass and died?

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

“Don’t stop. Don’t ever stop.”

Sonny grinned and dug his thumb into the arch of his wife’s foot. “Rough day?”

“Boring day.” Carly tilted her head back against the arm of the sofa, her feet in Sonny’s lap. She closed her eyes. “I went to Jason’s to nag the Muffin, but she was being granted parole for a few hours. I yelled at Jason and came home to buy more clothes. Sonny, you never should have shown me how to shop online. It’s going to be a problem.”

“We’ll have to build another closet,” Sonny mused. He continued his massage. “What’d you yell at Jason about? He seemed tense.”

“You know how you told me to stay out of it?” Carly said with a sigh. “I hate to say this, maybe you were right. I thought I was helping. I didn’t do anything. There were no tapes, no wires, no outside forces. I just…told Jason he was making Elizabeth miserable about her pregnancy. And when I saw her setting up a nursery, I thought he’d heard me. That I was getting through to him, but I don’t know, Sonny.” She leaned up on her elbows to meet his eyes. “I think I’ve nagged him too much, and he’s digging in his heels.”

“I think Jason will straighten this out without our help,” Sonny said. “He managed to get this far—”

“But he didn’t, Sonny.” Carly huffed and laid back down, staring at the ceiling as Sonny’s fingers stilled on her ankle. “Elizabeth told me that she’s brought up all the changes. That the day after she moved in, she’s the one that insisted they start dealing with their garbage. That she’s always the one to bring up the future. And he caught her going through baby clothes she was stashing in the closet, so she figured he felt guilty.”

Sonny paused. “Elizabeth is confiding in you a lot.”

“Bite me, bastard. I’m not thrilled about it either, but this is my life now. I figured Jason was going to keep her this time. She’s having a baby, he loves babies, he…” Her nose wrinkled. “He…loves her, I guess. If we can use that word. They’re sleeping together. So I figured I should…not chase her away. It never kept her away, so it was just a waste of energy. So I gave her a chance, and I just…” Damn hormones, because she felt tears burning in her eyes again. “I see how I felt when I was pregnant with Michael. When I was pregnant with our first son. Desperate. Trying to make a better life for myself, making mistakes everywhere I turned. I was so sure that you didn’t want the baby, or that you wanted it with anyone but me.”

“You sympathize with her,” Sonny said. She scowled at him, opening her eyes and raising her head. “It’s not a horrible thing, Carly. You found yourself pregnant with my child, when we hated one another, when I used you to make a point to Jason. I know…” He hesitated. “I know you doubted going through with it.”

“I did,” Carly sighed. “But I was never sorry that I had. And I know Elizabeth must have thought about not doing it either, but…” She squeezed her eyes shut. “Sonny, what if we’re wrong and the reason Jason isn’t talking about a future with Elizabeth and the baby isn’t because of Michael.”

“You think it’s because of Ric?” Sonny said. He sighed, absently tracing circles on her ankle. “I’ve wondered. I love Michael as my own son, and I know Jason did. Still does, I’m sure. But maybe it’s harder when you look at the woman you love having a child that was conceived with a man you loathe during a period of time you were separated. Do you think he thinks the baby is a mistake?”

“I want to say no,” Carly said softly. “I want to believe that Jason still holds true to what he used to say. A baby is a person. He doesn’t belong to anyone, but himself. He used to say that he wanted to protect Michael from the Quartermaines until he was old enough to make his own choices, until Michael could decide to have AJ for himself. I remember how perfect he was with Michael, how much he loved this little boy that wasn’t his, that he always knew wasn’t biologically his. I’ve known children who weren’t loved as well by their actual parents the way Jason loved Michael. So…how can you think he wouldn’t feel that way about Elizabeth’s child?”

“I’m not saying it has to make sense,” Sonny sighed. “I’m saying that maybe Jason doesn’t even understand it. I think it’s more about not wanting to lose another child. I don’t think he believes he and Elizabeth are going to last.”

“But why?” Carly again leaned up on her elbows. “Believe me, I’ve tried to get rid of her, but she keeps popping back up, so I figure she wants to be in it for the long haul. I see the way she talks about him, you know, and I get it. I see them working, so why can’t he?”

“I wish I knew,” Sonny said. “But Carly, it’s not our job to fix their problems. To make them go away.”

“Why not?” Carly demanded. “Jason always fixes mine. Why shouldn’t it be my job to do it for him? I just want him to be happy, you know. Because I hurt him so much, and I can’t ever make that go away. I can’t ever take back letting him fall in love with Michael, with running to the Quartermaines and calling him a kidnapper, with marrying AJ…sleeping with you. I can’t take those things back, so I have to give him something else to make up for it. I have make sure he’s happy.”

“Carly—”

“I tried, I really. I thought Courtney would work. She seemed…well, I don’t know. She seemed okay, and I could put up with her. I figured that would be good, if I could tolerate the woman in his life so he’d stay my friend. Elizabeth never liked me, so maybe he would have distanced himself from me if she’d stayed, but Courtney was your sister. She couldn’t take Jason away. So I thought they’d work and I pressured them both. But she wasn’t right for him.”

“No, she wasn’t, but Carly—”

“I know it’s selfish, but I want him to be happy so I can forgive myself for everything I did to him. You get it, right? If he’s happy, then I didn’t break him for good.”

“Carly, you didn’t break Jason—”

“No?” Carly demanded. “Then explain to me why he has everything he wants in his reach and he’s doing everything he can to destroy it? If that’s not someone I broke, I don’t know what is.”