Update Link: Warning Shots – Part 6
Poll: Which Tortured Poets Collection To Write First – POLL ENDS TONIGHT
Last weekend update! We go into the May schedule tomorrow 🙂 I will be back with some Flash Fiction tomorrow at 8PM. The Phillies are on the West Coast until Tuesday, so the games are on late.
For Warning Shots, I basically tossed my entire outline so after this part? I have no idea where to go. (Well, I have *ideas*) but feel free to weigh in and let me know what you want to see next!
Written in 63 minutes.
February 1999
When the girl behind the desk had told him that the dorm didn’t allow any male visitors after eight, Jason figured maybe they could talk about it in the lobby. There were seating areas, and well, it wasn’t that complicated. He’d tell her Lucky was absolutely lying about the dates and that he’d asked for the job to go out of town. Jason would apologize for not making it clearer the other night, and then he’d leave her to figure out the next step.
But while he waited for her to come downstairs, he wandered the area looking for some place where he could tell her this, thinking of how sad she’d been that night. She wouldn’t want people staring at her or maybe eavesdropping—not after Emily had talked about Elizabeth sitting in this lobby, all dressed up, waiting for the jackass to pick her up.
By the time Elizabeth stepped off the elevator, Jason had reluctantly concluded that they probably couldn’t have this conversation in here. Maybe there was a bench or somewhere nearby. She’d suggested someplace close off campus, and he knew Kelly’s wasn’t too far. That seemed safe. He’d handed her the helmet, reminded himself to go easy. She’d never been on a motorcycle before, she’d related to him as she fastened the strap beneath her chin.
He went the speed limit for the first few minutes, but then he went into a turn a bit faster than he should have and the bike leaned to the right just a little, and he heard her laugh, her hands tightening around his waist. He sped up a little bit, taking the next turn even faster, trying to see if it was just surprise or if—
But no, she was still laughing, and she quickly learned to lean into the turns—and for some reason, instead of taking the road that led to Elm Street and the waterfront, Jason took the other one, winding up through the hills around the lake, towards Vista Point. There were more turns and chances to pick up speed. January had been icy and snow — he hadn’t really been able to get up here in a while.
When he finally pulled the bike to a stop in the parking lot, switched off the engine, Elizabeth was still laughing. She stumbled off the bike, tugged off the helmet. “Oh my God! You’re absolutely crazy! That was so fast! Everything was blurring past and the wind was rushing past—the roar in my ears! You can’t even think straight—”
“That’s why I like it,” Jason said. He parked the bike, setting the stand down. “So I didn’t go too fast?”
“No, no! I mean, well, yes, but not in a bad way—I didn’t even know it would be like that—every single turn, it was like the road got closer and closer but I never thought we’d fall, like I could always tell you were in complete control—” the words tumbled from her almost in a rush, falling over each other, and her eyes were bright and sparkling. The way they’d been that day in the airport and last week at Kelly’s when talking about her art project.
It was a relief to see it, but he also knew he might be the reason all of that faded, and he nearly changed his mind. But he’d promised his sister—and Elizabeth deserved the truth.
“I went a little further and faster than I would have normally,” Jason said. “I was going to Kelly’s, but well, it’s been a while since I’ve been up here, or had someone on the bike that might appreciate the ride. It helps when things aren’t…good.”
She bit her lip, then handed him the helmet. “You said you had to talk to me about something. I’m guessing it’s Lucky?”
“Yeah.” He stowed the helmet back on the bike, gestured towards the observation deck where there were benches. “Let’s, uh, go sit. If you’re not too cold.”
“No, I’m fine.” She followed him over to a wooden bench on the second level of the deck, and they sat down. “Did he tell you it was a mistake? He tried to call, but my cell phone is awful. I knew that—”
“I don’t know if he tried to call you,” Jason interrupted. “Maybe that part is true, but Elizabeth—he knew the dates on Friday. I confirmed them with him.”
She stared at him for a long moment, then shook her head. “No, no, because he said—”
“I should have made it clearer on Tuesday, I’m sorry. But I’ve been trying to stay out of this. It’s none of my business,” Jason continued, and she sighed, looked at her hands. She wasn’t wearing any gloves, he realized. “But at some point, staying out if it is the wrong thing to do. Especially when Lucky’s using me to hurt you.”
“How—”
“He asked for the job. To go out of town. He asked for it that day I saw you at Kelly’s. He wanted to get out of town for a few days. Then I told him about the run, and confirmed it on that Friday. I told him it would be until the sixteenth. I didn’t think about—I didn’t think about the holiday. I don’t think about that kind of thing anymore,” he added. “He knew that morning when he talked to you. Maybe he tried to call you later — only he knows that for sure. ”
She closed her eyes, the dark lashes stark against her pale skin. “He knew.”
“Yes. He was angry that day that you’d talked to me about your project. I don’t know why—” He was skirting the edge there. He did know that Lucky had seemed jealous, that he’d made some remarks in that direction. But Elizabeth didn’t need to know that in addition to everything else Lucky didn’t seem to trust her either.
“You know…” She opened her eyes, looked at him. “I knew that. That he was lying about the message. He never calls that cell phone.”
Jason squinted. “But Emily said—”
“I wanted to believe him. I needed to believe him. And if you tell the lie enough, even to yourself, you can make it the truth.” Her voice shook slightly on the last words. “But he did it on purpose. ”
“Yes.”
“Why? W-What did I do to make him want to hurt me like that?”
“Nothing—”
“I had to have done something—” A tear slid down her cheek and she brushed at it impatiently. “You said he was mad I talked to you about my project? I don’t understand. It’s—you were just being nice to me. Why does he care about any of that?”
“Elizabeth—”
“I just don’t get it. It can’t be that. I must have done something else—”
“You didn’t do anything,” Jason said, almost too harshly, and she looked at him, startled. “You can’t make someone hurt you, Elizabeth.”
“But I hurt him in some way, and if I can just figure it out, I can fix it so I never do it again, and it’ll all go back to the way it used to be—” She shot up from the bench, paced to the end of the deck, looked out over the blackness of the lake. “I’ll just think about what I did, and —”
“Why are you taking this on?” Jason followed her, frustrated that she wasn’t reacting the way he expected. Why wasn’t she furious that Lucky had done this to her? The little bastard had set her up to be humiliated and was lying about it— “Why are you making this your fault? Do you hear yourself?”
Her lower lip quivered, and she squeezed her eyes shut. Now he felt like the jackass, and he was reminded why he stayed out of things. None of this was his business. He was just going to tell her what he knew and step out to let her handle it.
But now he realized the little bastard was going to get away with it, and he’d learn nothing from the whole thing. He’d just do worse the next time, and Jason didn’t think he could stand to watch Lucky hurt her one more time. Not when she always seemed to end up at the garage, looking at him with those eyes, trying to understand why it was happening at all.
“I—it has to be my fault,” she managed finally. She folded her arms, almost protectively around her torso. “Because if it’s my fault I can fix it. If it’s his…then I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
He bit back the obvious answer of dumping the asshole and finding someone who wouldn’t make her cry, because she wasn’t ready to hear that. “Why do you have to do anything except confront him and make him tell you the truth?”
“I need it to be a mistake,” she said softly. “Because you can forgive a mistake, you know? But…how do you forgive something like this?”
“You don’t—”
“But he loves me.” Her voice was small now, almost lost on the bitter air swirling around them. “He’s the only person who ever has.”
“That’s not true—” He couldn’t believe that. Wouldn’t.
“No, no—” She put up her hands. “Okay, you just don’t understand, okay?” She spoke fast now, like before, only it wasn’t excitement making her words fall into each other, but desperation. “Okay, you don’t know what it’s like to walk through your whole life knowing you’re just being tolerated. That people love you despite your flaws, to constantly know you’re a burden and an obligation. My mother didn’t want me — I was an accident, and she had to give up this fellowship—I was never worth it to her, I could tell. I just confused my father, Steven and Sarah were always embarrassed by me, and my grandmother had to put up with me because I showed up on her front step. Lucky’s different. He didn’t have to love me, but he did, and I don’t know if anyone else ever will. So you don’t understand what that feels like, okay? Don’t stand there and judge me because I can’t—” She broke off, pressed her hands against her mouth and started to walk away, maybe back towards the parking lot.
“Maybe I don’t know what that feels like,” Jason said, “but I know what it feels like when people who are supposed to love you look at you like you’re damaged. Stupid.”
She stopped at the steps to the upper deck, turned around to look at him. “What?”
“The Quartermaines. After the accident. They were always looking at me to be someone else. Who I was, who I wanted to be was never good enough for them. They tried to control me, force me into making the choices they wanted, and when they realized I was never going to fit the mold they’d made for me, they gave up. So maybe that’s not the same thing, but it’s not that different.”
Elizabeth took a step back towards him. “No, I guess it’s not.”
“It’s—it’s better now,” Jason said, almost not sure why he was telling her any of this. But he did understand a little bit about expectations and obligations, and not fitting in with the people who were supposed to be your family. “Emily and my grandmother. Monica. Sometimes Alan. I didn’t understand them back then. They weren’t my family, and I didn’t love them. But it made me angry and everything after the accident was harder than it has to be. I could have tried to fit what they wanted me to be. But I left. I had to figure it out for myself. I learned what love was from Robin and Sonny. Emily and Lila. They taught me what it was to be a family, to love someone else. And Michael—”
His voice was a bit rough now, and he wanted to stop, but something had opened up inside of him, and he didn’t know to stop it. “I know what it’s like now to love someone more than I loved myself. To destroy your world to keep them. I did that. I hurt Robin so I could keep Michael, and now I don’t have either of them. So, yeah, maybe I do understand why you need Lucky to just be making a mistake. Because if he’s choosing to hurt you, how can he love you? And who are you if he doesn’t love you anymore?”
—
They stood there for what felt like an eternity, Jason’s words lingering between them. Elizabeth didn’t even realize how little he’d always talked before — he’d never really spoken about himself. It had always been her dumping on him, she realized. And now — maybe he did understand in his own way why all of this was so hard.
“A few months ago,” Elizabeth said softly, “it all felt perfect, you know? We had to change our plans and stay in Port Charles, but I thought we agreed. I thought we were a team. But now it’s like he’s a different person. Or maybe I am. Maybe I’m the one that changed. He said that since I started college, I don’t make time for him, for us—”
“And that’s just more bullshit he’s feeding you,” Jason bit out, and she realized now he was really pissed off. “Because Robin went further away to college. There were weeks and months I didn’t see her, but I never gave her any shit for that. For not being able to talk to her every day. She’s going to be a doctor, and I wanted that for her. When you love someone, you support what makes them happy. Especially when it doesn’t cost you anything to just be happy for them. Being away from her wasn’t fun, but it made being together even better. That’s what love is. Showing up for each other when you can and understanding when you can’t. So what if you got a little preoccupied with your classes and having fun at school. You were happy. I don’t even know you, and I could see that. Why couldn’t he?”
Elizabeth smiled faintly, looked away. “You don’t even know me, and you’re standing in the freezing cold arguing with me because my boyfriend’s an idiot—”
“Not an idiot. Idiots can’t control how stupid they are. Lucky’s an asshole. There’s a difference.”
She laughed at that, then pressed her hands against her mouth again, startled by it. Her tears were freezing against her skin. “Okay, well, I stand corrected. You’re arguing with me because my boyfriend’s an asshole. My point still stands.”
“What was your point?”
“I don’t know. I think I lost it somewhere. What am I supposed to do, Jason? You’re angry and I don’t know why—”
“I’m angry—” He shook his head. “It’s not your problem that I’m angry.”
“But you are, and if I caused it—”
“There you go again,” Jason said, stalking past her towards the steps. “Blaming yourself for how someone else feels. I’m mad because I knew Lucky was treating you like garbage months ago, and I said nothing to you. I knew he’d asked for that job, and I didn’t tell you that. I don’t know what telling would have solved, but maybe I’d feel less…responsible for any of it. And I’m mad I didn’t knock his teeth down his throat for the way he talks about you when you’re not around.”
“How—” She cleared her throat, tried to force the words out because the pain of that statement stole her breath. “How does he talk about me when I’m not there?”
“I—” He grimaced, shook his head. “Not like I’d ever talk about someone I loved. I shouldn’t have said anything—”
“We’re friends, aren’t we? Friends stand in the freezing cold, mad because their friend is being stubborn,” Elizabeth said. “I mean, unless you’re really mad that you’re involved and you resent being here. Because if that’s how you feel, fine. You can just drop it and take me home. Because I’m starting to get really pissed off, too. You’re acting like I asked for any of this, okay? I didn’t ask you to hire Lucky, or for him to constantly screw with me so I end up at your garage, and I always try to leave, but you’re the one who makes me stay to miss the bus—so if you don’t want to be my friend, then fine. But—” She broke off when she realized he was smiling. “What? What are you smiling about?”
“So you can get angry. I was wondering.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Don’t act like you planned that. Because you’re annoying, but you’re not calculating.”
He lifted his brows. “I’m annoying?” he repeated. “How do you figure?”
“Because—you just—” Elizabeth threw up her hands. “I don’t know. You act like you’ve got it all together, and then you tell me all that stuff, and I was listening, but I don’t know what I’m supposed to say because you’re right about all of it. Loving someone to the point that you destroy who you are to make them happy or to keep them is stupid, and I just—I don’t want that to be me. I don’t want to be one of those dumb girls who give up everything for their boyfriend, but I think that’s who I’m starting to be. And you’re annoying because you didn’t just drop the whole thing in the beginning so I had to think about all of it.”
“Oh. Well, that explains it,” Jason said, but the corner his mouth was curved up in a half-smile, suggesting it hadn’t explained anything. “Look—I’m sorry. I really didn’t plan to make you mad. It just happened. It’s just—you were talking about how you needed to fix things. And—you know, you shouldn’t have to work harder to earn someone’s respect when they’re already not treating you the way you deserve. You know that, don’t you?”
“I know you’re right. I know it. I just don’t know what to do with any of it. It’s too big, it’s too awful,” she admitted. “It’s too much.” She looked back at him, smiled. “I appreciate you breaking your I don’t get involved rule, even though I know this is the last thing you wanted to do on a Sunday.”
Jason shrugged. “It’s fine. I haven’t been out here in a while or had anyone on the bike who seemed to like going fast.”
“Well, I did like those,” she confessed. “Can…is that as fast as you can go, or—” When his mouth curved into a full smile, her stomach fluttered.
“Only one way to find out.”
—
Jason coasted the bike to a stop in front of her dorm, and Elizabeth almost tumbled off the bike, stumbling. She was laughing again, trying to get the helmet unfastened, but her fingers were shaking. He brushed them aside, undid the snap and pulled off the helmet.
“I think I’m actually dizzy,” Elizabeth said, the words breathy, punctuated with the giggles. She combed her fingers through her wild hair. “That was insane — how do you not get pulled over for speeding or-or reckless driving?”
“I’m faster than the cops,” Jason said, folding his arms. “So was that as fast as you wanted it to be?”
“Don’t tell me you can go—” Her eyes were wide, and she bit her lips. “No, I’m not asking. I’m not. Because I really do have a test tomorrow, but that was the best time I’ve had in…forever.” She grinned at him. “Thank you.”
“Anytime,” Jason said. He leaned against the bike. “I mean that.”
“Good night.” Elizabeth headed for her door, then turned back when she was half inside the door, waved and smiled at him one more time, and went inside.
Update Link: Chain Reaction – Part 10
Poll: Which Tortured Poets Collection To Write First – POLL ENDS TOMORROW NIGHT
The plan was to alternate the stories, but I skipped a night and then forgot to update my posting schedule doc, and then I figured — well given that I left you on TWO Liason cliffhanger conversations, I know which one you want to read more. I’ll do Warning Shots tomorrow. I was planning to take off tomorrow, but a few things in my schedule cleared up.
The posting schedule for Flash Fiction M/W/F is going to pretty fluid for the next six weeks as I schedule around the Phillies 😛 Once I know my summer schedule I should be able to more fixed. If you ever want to know what story is getting updated when, I have a Google Doc set up.
I finished my evermore featured story last night! “no body, no crime” runs about 20k and 60 pages. I wanted to let it sit today, then read it over for typos. I have to put together the evermore subsite theme (it should be pretty easy since I’m going to use the same layout for all the albums) but I have to set the colors and create the graphics. I’m hoping to do that tonight while I watch the Phillies.
It should be up one day this week. I’m aiming for Tuesday or Thursday — I might actually just split it into two pieces and then you still get daily M-F updates to ease you guys back into my normal workload. April was absolutely INSANE for how much content I wrote (and it’s still not over!)
Between finishing up These Small Hours (62k), writing “no body, no crime” (20k), finishing Hits Different (17k), and starting Chain Reaction (24k) and Warning Shots (16K), I wrote 141,485 words — and there are still three days of updates planned (I haven’t written tonight yet).
I–I don’t know what happened lol. But it’s been nice and I hope you’ve enjoyed this ridiculous burst of energy. I always kind of figured that the regular writing of Flash Fiction would absolutely train my brain to start writing when I told it to. I’ve been mostly regular since September, and I feel like it’s finally paying off.
See you tomorrow!
Written in 75 minutes. Sorry. Ran over.
Kelly’s: Dining Room
Jason flipped the white ceramic cup over, resting it right side up on the matching saucer. “Can I—”
“Yeah. Yeah.” Elizabeth cleared her throat, went to the hot plate. “There should be enough for another cup. Unless—I could brew it fresh. I don’t know how long it’s been sitting—”
“I know you’re getting ready to close. Whatever’s in the pot is fine.”
So careful with each other, not making eye contact now, she thought. She lifted the carafe, brought it over to the counter. There was just enough to fill the cup.
Behind him, one of the two final customers tossed some money on the table, and Elizabeth grabbed the green tub. She busied herself bussing the table, and then the last customer, as if realizing the time, decided to take their milkshake in a to go cup.
Within a few minutes, it was just the cook in the back, Elizabeth, and Jason — pretending to drink his coffee. She bit her lip, watched him keep his eyes on the counter, then went into the kitchen. “Hey, Don. Why don’t you finish clearing down and head home? I can close. It’s just Jason, and you know he’s good.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. Trust me. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She returned to the dining room, went behind the counter. “Did you come here for a reason or is this just an accident?”
Jason lifted his head finally, looked at her. “Both,” he said finally. His voice sounded a bit rusty. He straightened, rubbed his throat. “I came here because I needed to get out. And I thought you were working the opening shift.”
“I switched to closing. Needed a change.” From the kitchen, Don called out his goodbye, and she heard the back door open, then close.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have stayed—” Jason reached for his wallet, but she held up her hand.
“It’s three-hour old coffee and you didn’t even touch it. I think we can spot you this one time.”
He exhaled slowly, then brought his hand back to the counter. “Then let me help you close up.”
“I’m not going to turn that down,” Elizabeth said. “I’ll clean the tables, you put the chairs up?”
“Sounds like a plan.” Jason slid off the stool, and she went into the kitchen to get the rag to wipe down the tables.
They made quick work of most of the room, until there were only two tables left. Jason turned the wrong way and they crashed into each other. He brought his hands up to her shoulders to steady her, then just left them there a moment too long. Snatched them back.
“I’m sorry—”
“Stop apologizing,” she said abruptly. Then sighed. She sat down at one of the tables they hadn’t cleaned yet. “Stop apologizing,” Elizabeth said, looking up at him. “You get to come in for coffee, okay? And it’s not like you grabbed me or—we’re not doing anything wrong.”
Jason sat in the other chair, picked up a leftover straw wrapper, began to shred it into smaller pieces. “I’m doing everything wrong,” he muttered more to himself. “I’m hurting everyone and I don’t even know if I’m doing the right thing.”
“The right thing,” Elizabeth echoed. She smiled faintly. “What does that even mean? Who decides it?”
Now he smiled, and it looked almost genuine. “I was asking myself that question a few days ago. I wish I knew.” He looked past her, towards the brick wall behind the tables. “I know Courtney was in here yesterday. If she said something about a wedding, it’s not happening.”
“Jason, you don’t owe me any explanations—”
“Yeah, I do. Maybe I don’t know what I’m doing most of the time.” He rested one arm on the table, and with the other hand pushed around the little pile of shredded straw paper he’d created. “But I know that I don’t get to—I don’t get to do what I did last week, say the things I did, and then let you walk around thinking I’m getting married anyway like none of it mattered.”
She let those words settle inside of her, soothing her. “I’d be lying if I told you that…I don’t know. If it’s not like hearing her talk about it made me cry myself to sleep or anything. I knew you were engaged. People generally get married when they’re engaged. Most of the time anyway. And plenty of people get married after they have affairs.”
His mouth tightened, but he didn’t argue with the label. He couldn’t. “Well, I’m not. I told her that. She was telling you, asking Emily to be the bridesmaid, planning it with Carly—to make Carly happy,” he said almost bitterly. “I told her no, and she didn’t—” Jason broke off, shook his head. “This isn’t what I came here to do. I just…I need to get out.” He looked back at her. “I don’t know what I’m doing. How am I supposed to go back to what I was doing before? Pretend it didn’t happen? But—”
“But there’s that whole other part where you were happy with her, and you have a right, Jason, to make sure you’re not just…hitting a bump in the road.” Elizabeth picked at the ragged edge of her nail. “I don’t really know what I’m doing here either. There’s not a handbook for being the other woman—”
“You’re not—”
“I am,” she said gently, and he just shook his head. “Two years ago, Jason, you were the other guy, and I was sitting on your side of the table. Neither of us particularly wanted to be in that position. And I’m trying—” Her voice trembled just a little. “I’m trying to be the friend you were to me. It’s harder than I thought it would be, you know? How did you do it? How did you always put me first when I was hurting you?”
“You were hurting yourself more,” Jason said, his eyes gentle. “I always knew that.”
“But you never pressured me. You’d argue, but you’d stop when you realized I was like a brick wall, and I never ever felt like you were pushing me to make a choice. Or make a change. I knew you were disappointed, hurt, but I never felt like you were giving me ultimatums—” The corner of her mouth curved up. “Maybe you can give me some tips. How do I be that person for you?”
“I knew you were getting it enough pressure from everyone else,” Jason said. “Everyone wanted you to be something different, and you were being pulled in so many different directions. I didn’t want to be one more person you had to make happy. I didn’t want to be the reason you were hurting.”
Pulled in so many directions. She tipped her head. “It’s kind of crazy how we’re sitting here in exactly the same place now. I don’t want to be someone you have to take care of, Jason. Whose feelings you have to manage. I want to be your friend. The rest of it—everything else, I don’t know. I guess we missed our moment, and I’ll live with that regret for the rest of my life—I made so many wrong turns. You need to know I regret how I left last year. The things I said that night, and God—” She winced. “Defending Ric — it was just a parade of absolutely terrible decisions—”
“It’s not like I was much better,” Jason said, and she frowned. “I married Brenda three weeks after you walked out the door,” he told her. “That was pretty stupid.”
“I know you stayed married later because of the trial, but—” She furrowed her brow. “Why did you do it in the first place? Did—I mean, you went all the way to Vegas, so it couldn’t have been a drunken impulse?”
“At least that might have made sense.” Jason rubbed the back of his neck. “She wanted someone to take care of her when her disease took over. And she said if I didn’t, she’d break up Sonny and Carly’s marriage. I knew if anyone could, it’d be Brenda. I needed Sonny focused with Alcazar in the picture, so…I did it.”
Her throat tightened. “Why is it your job to save their marriage?” she asked softly.
Jason didn’t answer for a long moment, and she thought maybe he wouldn’t. But finally, his eyes on the table, he did. “I don’t know. It wasn’t always like this. I didn’t…I wasn’t like this before. I had a life of my own.”
“Do you have one now?” she asked.
—
Wasn’t that the question of the day? Did he have a life of his own now? Jason focused all his attention on the paper shreds he’d continued to rip apart until they couldn’t be divided anymore.
“I don’t know,” Jason said finally. “When you left,” he said, then looked up at her. “You told me that I was Sonny’s enforcer. First, last, and —”
“Always,” she finished. “I regret that—”
“You said you hoped it would be enough,” Jason cut in. “I didn’t want to believe that you were right. It hadn’t been true before, you know. I’d—I’d made time for you before. And for Emily, and my grandmother. I had Robin and Michael. My life was mine. I worked hard to have control of it. I didn’t blindly follow Sonny’s orders. Ever.”
“I’m sorry—”
“But I followed that order,” Jason interrupted again, “and you were leaving. And I wanted it not to be true, but then Brenda happened, and I knew that was for Sonny and Carly. I justified it in my head as trying to keep him focused on Alcazar, but it wasn’t just that. And then, you know, Courtney happened. I don’t know how or why, really.” He rubbed his forehead. “It came out nowhere. Maybe we were lonely, and it wasn’t complicated. She didn’t ask for a lot. Or argue. Or—” He broke off, looked at Elizabeth again. “I know how that sounds. That I started things with her because she was easy. But it’s the truth, and I’m not going to lie to you.”
“I wasn’t—”
“I don’t even know if it was going to go anywhere,” he continued, because now the words were there, and they were pouring out of him. “Sonny found out and he said—he told me it had to be over. He ordered me to break up with her—and I just—if I did that, if I did that, even if I wanted to, well, you’d be right. I’d be just blindly following orders. And I refused, and then it just kept getting away from me. Every time I turned around, it was one more thing. It never seemed to stop. Ric was there, things were out of control. He hurt Carly, and went after Courtney, and then we found out he was Sonny’s brother, and then there was a moment to breathe, but Carly said you know, maybe I should marry Courtney because she’d been through so much and she’d stuck with me, and she made me happy, and she fit—so I went and I bought a ring, and I asked her, and then it was planned, and then Carly was kidnapped. It just…it never stopped.”
But now he was stopping, and he finally looked at Elizabeth, her eyes wide. “I’m sorry. That’s—that’s not what you asked.”
“I don’t even remember the question. But I get it, Jason. You keep putting one foot in front of the other, making decisions in the minute, and not thinking about the big picture, and then you look up one day, and the world around you has changed and you didn’t even see it coming. The Cassadine stuff — that felt like that,” she told him. “I wasn’t really doing that great after I backed out of the Face of Deception. You’d left, and I thought — well I’d picked Lucky, so I had throw my whole self into it, and he proposed, and I said yes, and then the brainwashing was back, and God it was so bad. The next thing I knew, Nikolas was explaining why I had to fake my death, so I did it, and then I was standing at the altar and Lucky didn’t love me anymore. There was this car accident, and Lucky and Sarah were lying to me—and I just woke up and I realized I didn’t know who I was anymore. I didn’t know who I wanted to be. And I didn’t start making better choices,” Elizabeth added almost ruefully. “We don’t have to talk about how stupid Zander was. I didn’t want to take orders from anyone ever again, so I picked the absolute dumbest hill to die on, and I didn’t trust you enough, and Ric—” She looked away, towards the front of the diner, her eyes distant. “I got out of the hospital and I realized I’d burned my life to the ground and I didn’t really know what was left.”
Neither of them said anything for a long moment — the words had simply flowed the way they always had. He’d always been able to talk to her, and it seemed insane that it was still true.
“I have Emily, and Nikolas, I guess,” Elizabeth said. Their eyes met. “But I don’t get to keep you now. Because of what we did.”
He wanted to argue with her. That they could still be friends. They’d managed it two years ago, hadn’t they? But two years ago, he hadn’t kissed her. This time, they’d gone too far over that line to go back.
“I know I shouldn’t be here. We shouldn’t be having this conversation,” Jason said slowly. “And maybe you’re right. Maybe I don’t owe you reassurance that I’m not marrying Courtney in a month. I just—I’m trying really hard not to hurt anyone, but I’m hurting everybody, and I don’t know how to stop. If I do what I want—” He stopped, swallowed hard. “Everything falls apart. And if I do what’s right—” he stopped. He didn’t want to finish that sentence, even though leaving the words unspoken didn’t leave them any less unformed in his mind.
“I can’t tell you what to do,” she said. “Because you’re the one that has to live with your choice. It used to drive me crazy, you know, that you didn’t kiss me two years ago.” She rested her hand on her fist, smiled. “I thought, God, if you’d just leaned in a little bit, and kissed me, I could have kissed you back, and it would have been so different. But you couldn’t. It had to be my choice. Because it was my world that would be broken by it. And if I couldn’t make that choice—it wouldn’t have made it any easier if you’d pushed me over the edge.”
“It wasn’t exactly easy,” Jason said, and her smile deepened. “I wanted to. But I knew I wasn’t staying in Port Charles. If I kissed you, forced you to really see what was there, the only way to do it—you’d have to go with me. I tried, but, well, I knew you’d say no.”
“What happens,” she asked, softly, “if you do what you want? What falls apart?” Their eyes held for a moment, and he didn’t answer right away. Because maybe they both understood that what he wanted was her.
“I don’t know,” he said finally. “It’s the not knowing that’s…stopping me. But there’s…I don’t want Sonny and Carly to be the first thing I think about when I wake up,” he said suddenly. “Did they get into a fight since I spoke to them? Is Sonny going to have a good day? Is Michael going to keep being put in the middle? How many times am I going to find him curled up in a ball, pretending he doesn’t hear them screaming at each other?”
She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “And there it is. Michael. That’s why you don’t let Sonny and Carly destroy each other. Because you still love him the way you did when he was a baby. Like a father. You’ve put him first. You want to protect his world. Make sure nothing can hurt him until he’s old enough, strong enough to defend himself.”
Jason shook his head. “Michael’s not my son. I know that—”
“Oh, okay, well, then I’m glad you cleared that up. I guess you can stop loving him then. Is that how it works?”
“No. No, it’s not.” His phone rang and he pulled it out, looked at the screen. Courtney. He grimaced, pressed the button to silence it, the left it on the table.
“If you’re the only thing keeping Sonny and Carly together, is that any kind of life for any of them?” she asked. “Are you actually doing them any favors patching them up for the next time?”
“No. But it’s not just—” Jason made a face. “Sonny isn’t just Sonny. He’s Sonny Corinthos. He’s been…not doing well,” he said finally because he’d never told Elizabeth about the darkness that swirled inside of Sonny. The rages, the blackouts. And he didn’t want to burden her with that. “When he’s like this, he’s unfocused. He’s been like this off and on since last year with Luis Alcazar, then Ric, and now Lorenzo Alcazar—”
“You’re afraid of what he might do,” Elizabeth said.
“I thought about just leaving,” Jason confessed. Her lips parted in surprise. “Like before. Just getting on my bike and never looking back. But there are people depending on Sonny keeping himself together. I can’t leave them. Not like this.”
The phone rang again, and he sighed.
“You should probably go,” Elizabeth said, leaning back in her chair.
“I know. I shouldn’t have stayed. I just—you’re not part of any of that,” he said finally. “I needed to breathe. I needed to—I needed to think about all the reasons I can’t make changes. Not right now,” he added, more for himself. More as a reassurance that maybe he could one day. He looked at her. “But I shouldn’t have made you sit through all of that. It’s not fair to you.”
“I decide what’s fair to me,” Elizabeth said, and now she was smirking.
Startled, he let out a half laugh. “Did you memorize everything I’ve said to you?”
“Everything that matters,” Elizabeth said. “I don’t want you to worry about hurting me, Jason. I can take care of myself. I’ve hurt you, haven’t I?”
“Yes, but I don’t—” He shook his head. “I don’t want you to think about that anymore. To feel bad about this last year. Or two years ago. Or two weeks ago,” he added. “We did what we did. I’m not sorry it happened,” he said, and her eyes widened slightly. “I should be. It would be easier if I was. But I’m not.”
“Me, either,” Elizabeth said. “Listen, I know what happened that night — technically it was wrong. But Courtney chose to forgive you. I know how you can get. You feel guilty because you’re not sorry. And that guilt? It can drown you, and make you do things that only hurt you worse.”
“Like wake up one morning and put on a tux because it’s front of me,” Jason said, and she nodded. “Yeah. I know. I’m working on that.” He rose to his feet. “I…Thank you. But I won’t come back. I made my choice. I need to see it through.”
“Is that what love is supposed to be?” Elizabeth asked. “Something you have to push through?” She also stood, folded her arms. “That’s not me pressuring you, it’s just a question.”
“What I said before about things happening one after another for months—then looking up and trying to breathe?” Jason said. “I don’t know…I don’t know if I feel this way because things are bad right now, and they’re hard, or if this is actually how I feel. I just don’t—I don’t want to run when things get hard.”
She flinched, looked at her hands.
“I didn’t mean it that way—”
“No,” Elizabeth said. She raised her head. “No. That’s what I did. I ran when you didn’t act the way I thought you should. I never let you in again. You’re not wrong to have doubts about that. Relationships — you know, that’s how they are sometimes. You go through bad times. You go through bad times, and sometimes you come out the other side. And sometimes you don’t. But you won’t know until you know.” She bit her lip. “But you’re right. This has to be it. Because you’ve made this choice. And if you don’t see it through, you’ll always wonder if you made the right one. You need to put everything into it. And you won’t do that if I’m here, with a willing ear, reminding you of what happened. So…let’s finish cleaning up, you can walk me to my building, and then go home, Jason..”
Update Link: Chain Reaction – Part 9
Poll: Which Tortured Poets Collection To Write First
Finally made it to the weekend. It was a long week. Next week should be a bit simpler. We’re testing, but I lucked out — about 75% of my students are freshman, and they’re testing Tuesday-Friday. My juniors, about 10% of my kiddos, are testing on Tuesday, and Thursday. This means in my first two classes, I have maybe 1-2 kids for four straight days. If testing spills into fourth period AT ALL, that’s all freshman and 1 junior.
Basically, the majority of my students are spending half their days testing. So we’re reviewing and playing games all week, lol, and my seminar kids are just going to relax with a basic project. Anyway, that’s all to say I’m going to have A LOT of downtime next week at work to prep and get work done DURING the day, so nothing at home, yay!
I’ll be updating one more time tomorrow, then we return to our normal M/W/F flash fiction schedule for the rest of the school year. I’m going into edits on These Small Hours, and prepping Fool Me Twice Book 3‘s alpha draft, so I need those Tuesday/Thursdays back 😛 Plus, May 6, I kick off the summer class I need for my cert. I might need to rework my schedule a little once I get the syllabus and see how much time is needed.
I’m juggling a lot of things — as usual — but I’m really set up well in my classes to be able to actually use my lunch break to do something productive in my real life instead of working through it, lol.
The vote for the TTPD story collection ends on Sunday! Get your votes in now!
Written in 61 minutes.
Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room
“Hey, you.” Carly rose from the dining table by the windows, bracing one hand against her lower back, struggling with gravity. Jason hurried over to help, but she waved him off. “I’ve got it. Thanks. It’s nice to see you when, well—” She cleared her throat, went over to the beverage bar. “Did you eat yet? Coffee?”
“I’m good. I just—” Jason folded his arms. “I wanted to check on you. When Sonny wasn’t around.”
Her hand stilled as she poured a glass of orange juice, then she looked at him with a sad smile. “Why? Do you think I won’t tell the truth if he’s here?”
“I think,” he said carefully, “that you and I walk a careful line when he’s like this. And you’re a little bit more in the line of fire than I am. You’ve been through a lot with this pregnancy, Carly. I just want to get you to the finish line in one piece.”
“You’re too good to me. Really, I mean that, Jase. You’ve turned your whole life upside down for…” She tipped her head, her dark eyes studying him. “Longer than I think I’ve given you credit for. Right now, today, Sonny and I are okay. He’s managing his—God, he’d hate me for saying it—his paranoia or anxiety or whatever about Lorenzo. And that’s because of you. I know that.”
“I just remind him what he already knows Carly. When he’s clear-headed, he knows better,” Jason assured her. “It’s just—”
“There’s no warning when that fog descends. I know you hate being in the middle, but lately, I guess it just feels like we can’t function without you.”
Jason tried not to grimace at that, but he wasn’t able to keep his expression blank. Carly smiled thinly. “You hate that. We’re adults, and we should do this without you, I know it. I’m going to do better, Jase. I told Max not to come get you the next time—”
“I don’t—” He stopped. Because he did mind, and she knew it. “He’ll get past this. He always does.”
“Well, until then, I’m going to return the favor you’ve done for me by focusing entirely on you,” Carly declared.
“Why did all the hairs on the back of my neck just stand up?” Jason asked, and she laughed, heading for the sofa, straightening the throw pillows. “Don’t worry about me, Carly. I’m fine.”
“Well, you’re not really needed for this part anyway. Don’t worry—Courtney and I have it already in hand. I’ve almost got her talked into a backup venue — though Elizabeth agreeing almost made me change my mind—”
Jason frowned at her. “What? Venue? Elizabeth? What are you talking about?”
“The wedding.” Carly squinted at him. “Jase, I know guys aren’t really into this kind of thing, but five weeks isn’t a lot of time. You’re going to have do some things—”
“There’s no wedding,” Jason cut in sharply, and Carly closed her mouth, looked at him, baffled. “We didn’t set a new date.”
“You—Courtney said next month. October 19. Anniversary of your first kiss—though that threw me,” she admitted. “I didn’t realize how soon that all was, but whatever. It all worked out I guess. You don’t have to worry, Jase. Just put the tux on and show up—”
“We didn’t set a new date,” Jason repeated, and this time his voice had an edge that he didn’t even recognize.
“Okay. Message received. No wedding. But you should probably make sure Courtney knows that.” She folded her arms. “Is…there something wrong? I know you’d rather gnaw your arm off than tell me anything, but you can trust me.”
He couldn’t. Of course he couldn’t. He and Carly had settled into friendship, sure, but she’d attached herself to Courtney. And her hatred of Elizabeth had never ebbed for a second. Carly was the last person he could ever talk to about this.
“It’s fine. I just don’t want you going around telling people something that isn’t happening.” People like Elizabeth—did she think they’d set another date for the wedding? Barely a week after—
He swallowed hard. “I have to go,” he muttered, then left, leaving Carly staring at him, bewildered.
Kelly’s: Dining Room
Nikolas watched as Ric left, then turned back to raise his brows at Elizabeth. “Now, I know I’m not exactly a regular here,” he said, “but I’ve been here three or four times the last week. And he’s been here every time.”
Elizabeth clenched her jaw, then picked up the dishes Ric had left behind. He always sat at the counter so she’d be forced to serve him. “Every day since I started the opening shift last week. It’s like…it’s like he knows when I’m working.”
“Tell Mike. You know he’ll switch you,” Nikolas said.
“I don’t want to make any waves.” And she didn’t want another shift. Jason never came in between opening and early lunch rush. Courtney did, though. Every day for the last week. Flashing that ring. Talking about the wedding. Making sure Elizabeth could hear her.
Elizabeth didn’t know if Courtney just wanted to rub it in or hoped that Elizabeth would say something, and Courtney could make a scene — but Elizabeth wasn’t going to give her that satisfaction. If Jason had already agreed to set a date next month, well—that was his decision. His choice. And Elizabeth was the other woman — she didn’t get to be angry about it.
And she wasn’t going to compound her own misery by letting Courtney know any of it bothered her.
“I get that, Liz,” Nikolas said, when Elizabeth returned from checking on her customers. “But you have to stick up for yourself—”
“Do I? Because usually that’s your cue to tell me to worry about Lucky and his precious feelings.” The words were snapped out with more irritation than she actually felt and Nikolas sighed, looked away. “I’m sorry. I know you’re trying to help—”
“But you don’t exactly need me to tell you what to do or how to feel,” Nikolas said. “Don’t apologize for the truth, Liz. I like it better when you don’t pretend.”
“Well, then listen to me when I tell you that I don’t want to bother Mike with this—”
“With what?” Mike asked, emerging from the kitchen, wiping his hands on a dish towel. “How’s my best waitress?” he asked with a friendly smile.
“Enjoying the quiet before the rush,” Elizabeth said, sending Nikolas a death glare. He studied her for a long moment, then shook his head.
“Ric’s harassing Elizabeth on her shift—”
“Oh, you son of a—” Elizabeth bit out the last words. “What the hell, Nikolas?”
“I thought about it, and I decided that I’m okay with you being mad at me if it means Ric leaves you alone. Unless you’re thinking of a reconciliation,” Nikolas said, lifting his brows.
“No, but—”
“Then he doesn’t need to be in here every morning bothering you. I listened to you, Elizabeth, and all I heard was you not asking for what you need because you don’t want to bother people.” He dismissed her, looked at Mike. “She needs to switch shifts. Maybe a busier one when there’s more people around and he can’t corner her.”
“Did I hire you as a personal assistant or something? Don’t you have a job? A business?” Elizabeth demanded.
Mike stroked his chin. “We need someone on the post-dinner rush, closing shift, but I don’t know if that’s good—”
It was a horrible choice. That was Jason’s favorite time to come in these days, and she’d done her best to avoid him like the plague for the last year. And he’d obliged by staying away from the morning. She didn’t even realize they’d had that little unspoken agreement until right now. “I told you, Mike, I don’t want to bother you—”
“It’s not a bother, honey. I know the damage Ric can do, and I don’t want you to worry about him. Why don’t I call Michael? He and Jason—”
“The closing shift is fine,” Elizabeth interrupted, and Nikolas furrowed his brow. “There’s always someone who lingers until we close. It’ll be fine, Mike. Thanks.”
“All right. If you’re sure. You say the word, and I’ll make that call—”
“I’ll remember that.”
Mike went back into the kitchen, and Elizabeth glared at Nikolas. “I liked you better when you were up Gia’s ass. Why don’t you go crawl back up there and butt out?”
“You’re complaining but you know you’re relieved not to deal with Ric tomorrow,” Nikolas said. He held out his cup. “I’ll have a refill.”
“You’re lucky I don’t pour this over your damned head.”
General Hospital: Treatment Room
There were a cluster of treatment chairs in the room, each with their own little cubicle and IV stands. Emily sat in one, her hair pulled back in a low tail, still pale, but her eyes were alert.
“Want one?” she asked, showing him the cherry red Popsicle she held in her hand. “It’s the one perk of chemo.”
“I’m good. Thanks.” He studied her for a long moment. “You look better.”
“Well, still dying, but not nearly dead anymore. Big step up. Don’t make that face,” Emily ordered, when he flinched. “We tell the truth, you and me. That’s our thing. I almost died.”
“You don’t have to tell me that, Em. I just…don’t like remembering that…”
“That it’s not over. But I woke up that day and all the rest of them for the last—” she furrowed her brow. “What’s today?”
“September 15,” Jason told her.
“So I made it twelve more days. That’s a victory, Jase. Let me have it.”
“I will.”
“Okay, now that I’ve done my cancer bit, it’s your turn to distract me. And you need to do a better job than Elizabeth,” Emily said. “She’s been taking the afternoon shifts, you know, because she’s back at Kelly’s. Hey, you know how in the Renaissance, artists had, like, patrons?”
Jason opened his mouth, then closed it. “What are we talking about?”
“Elizabeth being back at Kelly’s. Ric got her this art show, but it was just a way to keep her busy while he—well, you know. Anyway, she had to cancel it because—again, you know. I was thinking, could I just pay her to sit and do her art? Like all those famous artists used to do?”
He rubbed his forehead. “What does this have to do with her at Kelly’s?”
“She works too much. And never has time or energy for the art. She’s a good artist. Probably an excellent one, but I don’t know anything. I’ve been thinking since I basically died, that in my next life — which is this one — I’m going to be a better person and think about other people more.”
“You’re a good person—”
“Debatable, but you’re my brother and legally obligated to say that.” She licked her Popsicle, her brow furrowed in thought. “Are you and Elizabeth still not friends? Like, I know things were weird because you broke up with her for Courtney—”
“No, I didn’t—”
“And then there was the Ric thing—which I don’t understand but I guess I’ll have to dig into that when I get out of the hospital—but other than that, is there a reason you’re not friends like you used to be?”
Jason was getting a headache trying to keep up with his sister’s rapid-pace conversation. “Where did all this energy come from?”
“Sugar rush. I’ve been sucking on these things like, well, like candy. You didn’t answer my question.”
“I’m not talking about Elizabeth. Or why—I’m not talking about it,” Jason said firmly.
She frowned at him, then nodded. “Okay, then let’s talk about you. You know, Courtney came to see me yesterday during chemo. I’m glad you guys set the date again. But I don’t know if I’m up to being a bridesmaid by the 19th—”
“She came yesterday?” Jason asked. After he’d talked to Carly, and told Courtney that he wasn’t comfortable setting another date so soon. She’d seemed to understand that. And then she’d immediately gone to Emily and talked about it anyway.
Christ, did she think she could just plan the wedding anyway, shove a tux in front of him and he’d just…go through with it?
“Yes,” Emily drawled, “why?”
“I’m not getting married next month. Or any other month,” Jason said, then winced. “I mean, we didn’t set—”
“Oh, the cat is out of the bag. Don’t try to put it back in. You ever try to put a cat somewhere it doesn’t want to be? Impossible. I heard it. You don’t want to get married anymore?”
“I’m not talking about this.”
“Well, damn.” She looked disappointed. “You won’t talk to me about Elizabeth. Or your wedding. That’s a lot of topics not to cover. Unless they’re the same topic.” She grinned at him when he just shook his head. “I nailed it, didn’t I?”
“Eat your Popsicle.”
Morgan Penthouse: Living Room
He couldn’t shake the conversation with Emily, or the grim realization that Courtney had listened to every word he’d said and just done whatever she wanted to do anyway. Carly had just said all he’d have to do was show up—
And what if they just planned it more quietly? What if he did wake up on October 19 and there was a note and a tux, and people were just waiting on him’? What was he going to do? Jilt her at the altar? Was that what Courtney was banking on?
When he came back to the penthouse after the visit, Courtney jerked to her feet, shoving magazines into a pile, but he saw a wedding dress on one of them. He exhaled slowly.
“You didn’t listen to anything I said the other day, did you?” Jason asked. Courtney frowned, shook her head. “The wedding. I told you I’m not setting a date.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about—”
He held up a hand. “Don’t. Don’t lie to me. You’re telling people we’re getting married in a month. That’s not happening, Courtney.”
Her mouth was thin. “Well, I can’t believe she waited this long, but I knew she’d crack eventually. What, did Elizabeth come running after I was at Kelly’s yesterday?”
“I haven’t seen Elizabeth in more than a week,” Jason said. “I went to Emily’s chemo appointment today.” She winced, looked away. “You forgot you asked my sister to be a bridesmaid?”
“Well, I wasn’t sure about her chemo — maybe she couldn’t—”
“She can’t but it doesn’t matter. Because we are not getting married on October 19,” Jason said, drawing out each word not even bothered when she flinched in response each time. “Don’t try to make this my fault. I told you this. And you just ignored me.”
“You said you were staying—” Her eyes filled with tears, but he just shook his head. “You said you wanted to get back to where we were—”
“I said that I wasn’t going to throw out everything we’ve been through for this last year, Courtney, not that I wanted to go forward like nothing happened,” Jason interrupted, and she closed her mouth, looked at her hands. “If you want to set a date, if it matters that much to you, then go ahead and set it for never. Because that’s how I feel right now—”
“You don’t get to be angry with me!” she exploded, her head snapping back up, the tears gone. “You slept with another woman!”
“And you said you forgave me, or was that a lie?” he demanded. “What are we doing here? You wanted to give it another chance. And I agreed. Because it’s been almost a year, and that should matter. But you don’t get to have it both ways. You don’t get to tell me you want to work on this and then throw it in my face every time I don’t give you what you want. I don’t know if this is going to work, Courtney, so why would we plan a wedding that isn’t going to happen?”
Courtney swallowed hard. “You think you made a mistake. You’re sorry you picked me.” Her voice was quiet now, and the tears were back, but he wasn’t moved this time.
“What do you want me to do, Courtney? Marry you to prove a point? I’m not going to do that. If you think you can just point me in whatever direction you want me to go, then I don’t know what we’re doing here. I’m trying to work on this. I’m trying to tell you how I feel, and you’re not hearing me.”
“I do—I do hear you, okay? Okay? I do. You don’t want to get married right now. Okay.” Courtney took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. It’s just — Carly brought it up and I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t tell her, right? Because she’d make it a whole thing, and I don’t want anyone to know. And she seemed so excited about planning it, I just got carried away. And maybe I thought—God, I just thought if I pretended things were okay, they would be okay. But you’re right. You’re right. We’re not ready to do that. I’m sorry,” she said again. She gathered up the magazine and darted for the stairs before he could say another word.
Jason grimaced, dragged his hands down his face. She’d done it for Carly. Of course. It always came back to Sonny or Carly for them, didn’t it?
He snatched his keys back from the desk and headed for the door. He needed to get out.
Kelly’s: Dining Room
Elizabeth bussed the last few tables, checked on her two remaining customers, then went to the kitchen to drop off the tubs.
“Almost done, aren’t we?” Don, the night cook, asked. He wiped down the grill. “If they order anything else, you shoot them.”
“They’re just finishing up,” Elizabeth assured him. “But don’t worry. If I see them thinking about more fries, I’ll get the paintball gun.” She heard the bells over the door and grimaced. “Please let one of them have left—”
She went back into the dining room, then stopped. So did her new customer.
Because Jason stood there, his hand still on the handle of the door, their eyes meeting.
She didn’t know how long they stared at one another—probably too long, she thought — but finally he came in, letting the door fall closed. He made his way to the counter and took a seat.
Update Link: Warning Shots – Part 5
Poll: Which Tortured Poets Collection To Write First
You know, Jason and Elizabeth are really annoying, and let me explain why. I had a plan for this story. Short little episodes that sort of slip in and out of Elizabeth’s first year of college and depict the growing gap in the Liz & Lucky relationship (how does Liz handle the obvious problems when she doesn’t have the added pressure of a miracle returning to her?).
And I planned to just write the VDay episode and just move on to the Spring Break. That’s the outline. But something funny happened between outlining the dialogue and actually writing it (it happened in Chain Reaction too) something always happens in the transformation. Sometimes it fits exactly what you planned, and then other times — you just have to stop and either delete so ir fits your plans or see what happens.
This part and the next planned is me seeing what happens on this little detour for Warning Shots. Does it end up being a detour or a complete derailment? I guess we’ll find out 😛
When I write Flash Fiction, I always come up with at least the plot sketch for the first half of the story to at least give me something to write towards, then I let the feedback and the story itself shape the rest of it. So I always write the actual prose during the timed 60 minutes, but I always have a plan for what I want to do. It’s part of the reason I can write between 2500-3500 words in an hour. If I were just pantsing it, parts would be half as long, lol. If you’re curious, here’s what that angsty Liason breakup scene in Part 7 of Chain Reaction looked like before I wrote it:
Written in 62 minutes.
February 1999
“I need your advice.”
Jason sighed, then slid out from beneath the car to find his sister standing over the car, her arms folded, the toe of her sneaker tapping against the concrete floor. “Should I call Alexis? Does anyone need bail money?” He got to his feet, reached for a rag. “Or is it the other kind of advice?”
“You know, you get arrested once—”
“Twice, but who’s counting.” Jason leaned against the driver’s side door. “What’s up, Em? Everything okay?” His mouth tightened. “Is it Juan?”
“Oh, you’d love that,” Emily muttered. “No, Juan is the model of the perfect boyfriend, thank you very much. It’s Elizabeth. And Lucky.”
Jason grimaced and shook his head. “I’m not getting involved in that. He’s avoiding which means he knows I’m pissed. That’s good enough—” He headed for the sink, but Emily’s next words stopped him dead.
“She forgave him.”
He turned, looked at her. “What? What are you talking about?”
“He came home, apologizing all over the place. He had bouquets of white roses delivered to her at our dorm, at her grandmother’s place—” Emily bit her lip. “And he had an excuse ready. He said he found out at the airport what dates he was going to be gone, and he tried to call her but he thinks the message got messed up. He had tears in his eyes. Told her over and over again he’d never hurt her like that. Not on Valentine’s Day. And she was crying, and he hugged her, and she forgave him.”
“That’s a lot of details.”
“I refused to leave the room. I thought someone should be listening with a clear head. You look mad. At her forgiving him?”
A little, Jason thought. But Elizabeth was young, and she’d been hurt. “No. At Lucky for pulling that stunt. He knew on Friday what the dates were.”
Emily perked up. “Did you tell her that?”
Jason opened his mouth, then thought back to the conversation. “No, I think—I thought I implied it when I said he knew he was leaving on Friday. But I don’t remember telling her that specifically. Or that he asked for a job out of town. I told him to take the run. He knows it’s usually a week.”
Emily pressed her lips together, looked away. “I wanted her to light him on fire. To throw him out the window. I told her that. I said it’s okay. He might have been my first friend, but you’re my best friend, and I know a guy who can hide the body—you’re the guy,” she told Jason who just rolled his eyes. “And she just shook her head. Because Lucky convinced her he messed up.”
“If the advice is asking me how to get away with a crime, I’ll give Alexis’s number and send you on your way,” Jason told her dryly. “Outside of that, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
“I just—” Emily looked away. “I guess I need to know if I push this. Because this isn’t the first time Lucky’s been thoughtless. Or tried to make Liz believe something that isn’t true. You know they had this plan for New York right?”
“Yeah. It fell through.”
“She didn’t get into the art school, so they regrouped. And, yeah, okay, originally, Liz was just going to do a semester with me while they saved money. But then we started talking about decorating, and going to orientation, and it was just—I got really excited. And she was, too. We thought — let’s go make college everything high school wasn’t. We let ourselves get derailed by—” Emily made a face. “Well, you know, the drugs and the blackmail for me. And…you know what happened to Liz. College, it could be our chance to be silly and stay up all night and—I don’t know. We just got ourselves all hyped up for it, and so Liz told Lucky it would make sense to stay the whole year and they’d revisit living together next summer.”
“So?”
“So, I was there. I know she told him. I know he wasn’t thrilled, but he sucked it. And he agreed. But he brings it up all the time like she sprang it on him last minute or he’s acting like she’s doing some huge betrayal by just…changing her mind. She’s started to wonder if maybe she didn’t really give him a chance to weigh in. Like, ask for his blessing to change our plans.” Emily looked at Jason. “Has he said things like that around you?”
“He’s…” Jason sighed. “He’s mentioned it, yeah. But you’re almost halfway done. That shouldn’t matter—”
“Well, Liz started to think maybe she didn’t want to live with him at all. Like, maybe we’d stay together for all of college. And as soon as she brought it up to him, he like lost his mind, and he’s been so mean ever since. And Juan? He told me Lucky was really pissed at Liz when she took me to the airport. You were there. Was he?”
“Emily—”
“I just—she’s my best friend, Jason. More than that. She put herself on the line for me. She came to that studio to help me. To warn me. And she got taken hostage by the man who hurt her. She was so scared, but she fought back, and I just—” Emily rubbed her arm. “I don’t know. She’s always been in my corner one hundred percent. And I just kind of think I should do that for her.”
“It sounds like you are. Other than hiding a body, what do you need from me?”
“I think Lucky’s angry because Elizabeth isn’t all about him anymore. Her whole life revolved around him for over a year because he was there after…after. He basically put her back together, the way she tells it. Slept on her floor when she was scared. Went to lineups. Tried to help her find the attacker. Like, constantly together. But this year? He’s not the center anymore. She’s not acting the way he thought she would.”
Jason looked down at his hand. “She’s acting like her old self,” he said quietly, and Emily looked at him wide eyes. “He told me that. That she’s acting like when she first came to town. He called her a selfish self-centered brat.”
“Oh. Oh.” She pressed a fist to her mouth. “Oh, that’s horrible. God, Jason, he’s mad because she feels like she did before the rape? When she was happy and not broken? Oh, God. Don’t you see how bad that is?”
He was starting to. “Em—”
“Can you imagine that? The horror of knowing the guy who said he loved you forever only loves the version of you that’s a crying mess?” She sat on a nearby stool. “What do I do? She’ll never believe it if I tell her that. She’ll think I heard it wrong. Or that you did. What do I do?”
“I don’t know that you can do anything. Just be there for Elizabeth.”
“Okay.” Emily grimaced. “But if I eventually end up kicking his ass, I want you to tell the judge and jury I was provoked.”
—
“It’s freaking me out,” Juan said to Nikolas as they watched Elizabeth bus a table, then head into the kitchen. “She’s quiet. I’ve never known her to be quiet.”
Nikolas hated to agree with Juan on any subject, but well — “She says they straightened it out, but I think maybe—”
“Maybe what?” Elizabeth asked, emerging from the kitchen and coming back behind the counter. She topped off Juan’s water glass. “More coffee?” she asked Nikolas.
“No, I need to go to sleep before dawn,” he told her. “I was thinking maybe we should do something for spring break. It’s next month right?”
“Three weeks. Emily and I were saving money for something, but we never figured out what.” She busied herself with wrapping utensils in napkins. “But I should stay in Port Charles. You know, Lucky’s always saying we don’t spend enough time together—”
“But how many college spring breaks are you going to get?” Nikolas interrupted. “You should go to Florida or something.”
“And do what? Drink myself into a coma?”
“Relax on a beach.”
“Plus, you’ve got that art thing coming up the second half of the semester,” Juan pointed out. “Didn’t you say you had a ton to do for that? You need to chill and like, you know, be at your best.”
Elizabeth furrowed her brow, looked back and forth between the two of them. “What’s going on here? You’re both acting so weird. Since when do either of you are about my workload?”
“Well, you know, you’re my best friend,” Nikolas said.
“And your best friend is the love of my life,” Juan said, “so it’s in my best interest to keep you happy. Wait, that’s not the right answer. Because I like you.”
“I like you, too, but that still doesn’t change the fact that you both—” She stopped, sighed. “Emily got to you both.”
“I resent that.” Nikolas paused. “Lucky told me his side and that got to me. I thought I’d come check on you.”
“Emily got to me,” Juan confessed. Nikolas whacked him. “What? I thought we weren’t supposed to lie—”
“Emily’s heart is in the right place, but really, it’s all settled—”
“What is?” Lucky dropped onto the stool next to his brother, grinned at Elizabeth. “Hey. What time are you done tonight?”
“Eight. But I have a test to study for, so I really can’t do anything after. Oh—” Elizabeth checked the clock on the wall. “I’m going to take my break. I’ll be back.”
“I’ll come with you—” But Nikolas grabbed Lucky’s shirt collar and yanked him back before Lucky could follow his girlfriend.
“It’s all settled,” Nikolas echoed. “So she says. And you say she forgave you—”
“Forgave me—what about her? She told everyone I was an asshole who stood her up on Valentine’s Day—”
“Looking for the lie,” Juan muttered more to his soda than to the world, but Lucky heard it and narrowed his eyes.
“I’m the one who should be mad! She didn’t even try to think about why I didn’t tell her about the change in plans—”
“Because she knew why, jackass. And you know why. Maybe Elizabeth is swallowing the cell phone thing but that’s because she wants to. Me? I know you better than that, Lucky. I’ve known you longer. And I know you can be a vindictive, spiteful, petty little brat.”
“You’re really going to pick a fight with me over this? I thought we were past all that—”
“And I thought you were more than the little punk who punished his mother for having another son,” Nikolas shot back, and Lucky’s cheeks went bright red. “Yeah. Elizabeth wasn’t around for that. You think she’d think fondly of you if she knew how you treated me just for existing? Before you even knew me? I thought you’d grown up. I thought you were better than that.”
“Well, then I guess we were both wrong—” Lucky started to get up, but Nikolas shoved him back onto the stool with one hand on his shoulder.
“Sit down and shut up. I don’t know what the hell crawled up your ass since Liz and Em started college, but you’re going to dig it out and get rid of it fast. Because this time? Liz swallowed your bullshit. But you and I know there’s going to be a next time.”
“Are you done?” Lucky asked coolly. “Tell Elizabeth when she has time for me, she knows where to find me.” He twisted off the stool, then stalked out of the diner.
Juan watched him go. “What’s the stuff about his mom?”
“Old business,” Nikolas murmured, feeling old and tired. He dragged a hand down his face. “I knew. The minute Emily told me that he’d set up the plans and then boarded the plane. He wanted to hurt her. I knew he’d done it. Maybe he’s convinced himself he didn’t, but I know he did it. And I can’t really look at him right now without wanting to throw him out a window.”
He turned back to the counter, smiled when Elizabeth came back, her brow furrowed. “Where did Lucky go?”
“He had something to do. He said call him after your test tomorrow. You know what, Liz, maybe some I’ll have some coffee after all. Decaf.”
—
“Okay, I’m just going to go over this with her one more time,” Emily said, tugging her coat back on and sweeping her from underneath the collar. “Lucky asked for the job, and he knew the dates on Friday. Before he ever confirmed plans.”
Jason retrieved his leather jacket. “Yes. And if she doesn’t want to believe it, Em, you need to drop it. You’re not going to do either of you any good if you push her too far. She’ll get there in her own time.”
“I know. I know you’re right, but I hate it. It’s just—she’s the only one who gave Juan a chance. I’m not stupid, Jason. No one liked him. Liz was just quiet and nice about it. And she supported me anyway. She put me first. Like she always does. She deserves the same from me.”
“And you’re doing that—” Jason began but the door slammed open and Lucky strode in, stopping dead when he saw the two of them. He started to back away, but Emily was already striding forward.
“Oh, you better not go anywhere—”
“I’m not in the mood for another round of what an ass I am,” Lucky retorted. “I’m tired of being everyone’s punching bag. I get it, Elizabeth made sure everyone knew what she thinks I did—”
“You think she told us? You dumbass. Who do you think waited in the lobby with her?” Emily snapped. “I knew you were late. But I never thought you’d stand her up. And you’re damn right, I told Nikolas. But Juan was with me — and Jason — well, Liz was so worried about you she came all the way down here only to find out you were gone. She didn’t tell anyone. She was mortified.”
Lucky shot Jason a fulminating glance. “Yeah, I’m sure Jason was thrilled to come to her rescue again.”
Jason lifted his brows. “Excuse me?”
“Oh, don’t you dare—that is not the direction you’re going with this,” Emily said, slapping her hands on her hips. “Jason was minding his business and Elizabeth was upset.”
“I tried to leave a message—”
“On the cell phone you’re always saying is a piece of trash, so Lucky, why’d you even bother with it?” she demanded. “You never call it. You always call the dorm. But that day of all days, you’re claiming it was the cell?”
“I tried to tell her I mixed up the dates—”
“You didn’t,” Jason said, and Lucky stared at him, a bit stunned. “You know you didn’t. You asked for that job. I told you it was Puerto Rico. And I told you that you’d be back on the sixteenth. You knew that. Before you ever called Elizabeth to make plans.”
“That is—” He swallowed hard. “Maybe it’s how you remember it, but it’s not what happened—”
“You no good rotten liar,” Emily burst out. “You broke her heart, made her feel stupid and humiliate it, and you’re blaming her phone for not getting the message! Is anything ever your fault?”
“I thought we were friends,” Lucky said, and now some of the anger had faded. “We’ve been friends forever, Em—”
“You’re not going to twist this the way I watched you do to Liz. I’m not an idiot, Lucky. I’m not in love with you. And you’re no friend of mine, let me tell you—”
“I get it! Fine!” Lucky threw up his hands. “I’m always wrong! It’s always my fault! Elizabeth changes the plans without telling me, and she’s never around, never makes time for me, but hey, I missed a date, so it must be me that’s the problem—”
“You didn’t miss a date,” Emily bit out. “You missed that date, and you damn well know why it matters. Because you intended it to. You loaded the gun, aimed it, and pulled the trigger, and bullseye. You hit the target dead on. She is devastated. So devastated that she is clinging to the absolute bullshit you fed her in order to make it go away. I hope you’re happy, Lucky. She’s quiet and sad again. Isn’t that exactly how you like her?”
Lucky’s face was white and he spun around, storming out of the garage. Emily closed her eyes, took a deep breath. Looked at Jason. “Did I go too far?”
“Not as far as I would have, but then he’d still be on the floor if it’d been me,” Jason muttered.
“Jason. I can tell Elizabeth what you told me, but it’s not going to mean the same thing. You’re the one who gave him the dates. You know he’s lying. Lucky did this on purpose.”
“Em—”
“She trusts you. She told me that. That the only reason she was able to get through the night without breaking down completely was how kind you were. She doesn’t need my fury or Nikolas’s indignation. Not right now. She won’t listen to that. But she might listen to you. Please.”
—
Elizabeth read the same paragraph for a third time, then sighed and rubbed her eyes. She’d been studying for nearly an hour, but nothing was clicking. She’d pretended to read the entire chapter, but not a single word had stuck.
She rose from her desk, went over to her closet, and pulled it open, looking at the plastic bag with the dress she’d worn on Valentine’s Day. It was in perfect condition, but the store still wouldn’t take it back. On sale, nonrefundable. Just a pretty dress to remind her of a terrible night.
How had it all gone wrong so fast? She’d been so happy, so excited for everything that was happening around her, and now she just wanted to crawl into bed and pull the covers over her head. She hadn’t felt like this since she’d received the rejection letter from New York. Or when Detective Taggert told her that her case was going to be shelved as a cold case.
It was silly to get so upset over one date. How many nights had Lucky planned for them perfectly? So he’d messed this one up with some miscommunication. He’d seemed so sorry, and she’d believed him.
But it was hard to get back to how she’d felt the day her professor had told her she was going to be in the spring showcase. Or when she’d looked in the mirror, and reminded herself that Valentine’s Day was hers — that she and Lucky had reclaimed it, and one day she might never remember that one terrible night—
The phone on her desk rang, and she picked it up. “Hello?”
“Hey, Liz. It’s Molly on the desk downstairs. You’ve got a visitor. You know the rules, though—”
Elizabeth sighed. “If it’s Lucky, tell him—”
“Oh, no way, girl.” Molly’s voice lowered. “This one is a man with a capital M. Blond hair, blue eyes, an ass to die for—is he single?”
Elizabeth’s mouth opened slightly. “Jason? He’s downstairs?”
“Yeah, yeah, that’s the name he told me. You want me to send him away? You know no male visitors after eight—”
“No. No. Um, I have to throw on some clothes and shoes. Tell him I’ll be right down.”
“Okay, but if you don’t want him, you know my deets. Hook a girl up.”
Elizabeth rolled her eyes, but was smiling when she hung up the phone. She tossed her sweats in the hamper, shimmied into a pair of jeans and grabbed a sweater. After tying her sneakers and grabbing her jacket just in case, Elizabeth headed for the elevators.
When they opened, Jason Morgan was indeed standing in the lobby of her dorm, wearing a leather jacket over a black shirt with blue jeans. He was reading something on the wall when she approached.
“Um, hey. If you’re looking for Emily—”
Jason turned, looked at her with a hesitant smile. “No. No, I needed to talk to you. Your—” He looked at the desk where Molly wasn’t even pretending not to be staring. “Your friend said there were rules about visitors.”
“No guys after eight. For safety. Um, we could sit on a sofa—” She gestured at the lobby. “But…maybe not. I wouldn’t put it past Molly to listen in. There’s a coffee bar on campus or something.” She started walking with him towards the door. “Or something off campus. It doesn’t matter to me.”
“Yeah. Okay. I’ve got my bike if that’s okay?”
“The one from the garage?” Her smile was quick and genuine when she saw it parked near the curb. “Oh, well, you should have said that. I told you I wanted to try it.”
He handed a helmet. “Then let’s go.”
Update: Chain Reaction – Part 8
Poll: Which Tortured Poets Collection To Write First
Skipped last night — my day was absolutely ridiculous and today honestly was only mildly better. I’ve thrown kids out of my room pretty much every day so far this week, and, uh, that’s literally my least favorite part of the job. But you know, you chase a kid around the room and put him in a chokehold, I don’t really have a lot of choices. Then I had a meeting, THEN I had grocery shopping, and just like — bleh.
Anyway. Here we are.
I broke down The Tortured Poets Department into 4 separate short story collections, each with its own featured story that’ll be novella (25-50k) in length. You can vote for which collection I write first in a public post over at Patreon.
See you tomorrow at our normal 8PM posting — the Phillies are playing in the afternoon, around 1PM so I’ll be free to go to my usual schedule.
Written in 65 minutes.
Harborview Towers: Hallway
Jason stepped up to the penthouse door, hesitating before twisting the knob. In the last forty-eight hours, he’d sat vigil over his dying sister, slept with Elizabeth, nearly broken up with his fiancee, patched up another fight with Sonny and Carly, and today…this afternoon…he’d stood in the studio, listening to Elizabeth rationalize all of this until she’d found a way to let him off the hook. To make everything he’d done to her okay, to make it sound almost like the right choice.
And it was…wasn’t it? What did that even mean—the right choice? Who decided what was right? The universe? Jason? He’d known that question once with a certainty that seemed almost naive and childlike after the accident. He did what he wanted and didn’t give a damn about anyone else.
Robin had showed him the value of caring about others, and loving Michael had taught Jason how to sacrifice his own needs for the needs of others. But sometimes Jason wondered if he’d taken it too far.
If he’d spent so much time shoving down what he wanted that he no longer knew how to recognize the feeling anymore?
He twisted the knob, stepped inside, and Courtney immediately popped off the sofa, her features creased with anxiety. “You came back.”
“You didn’t think I would?” Jason asked, dropping his keys on the desk.
“You said you were going to talk to Elizabeth,” she said. She looked pointedly at the window where the sun was beginning to sink below the horizon. “That was hours ago.”
“I had wait until she finished working,” Jason said, irritated with Courtney for pressing the subject and with himself for ever walking into Kelly’s and thinking that he could tell Elizabeth over the counter that he’d made a choice. He hadn’t thought about her at all, Jason realized. Only himself, and wanting to be done with it.
A selfish act, and a reminder why he couldn’t act that way anymore. Acting on impulse only got you in trouble and hurt other people.
“Six hours?”
“After I talked to her—” After Elizabeth had looked at him those shattered eyes, silently begging him to make a different choice even when her mouth told him the opposite. What if she’d really said it? What if she’d actually begged him to stay?
He’d still be there, Jason thought, and man, that didn’t sit right with him. None of this did. He dragged a hand down his face. “After I talked to her, I needed a ride. Can that be enough? I told you I was sorry.” When she flinched, looked away, he sighed. He was the bad guy here. The man who’d proposed marriage, then slept with another woman. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. “It just…it wasn’t a pleasant conversation.”
“No, I guess it wouldn’t be. I just thought maybe you’d see her, and you’d change your mind again. But you didn’t. That’s good.” She smiled, but it looked pained. “We’ll…we’ll work on things, right? We were unhappy for a little while, but we’ll just find that feeling again.”
“Right.” That was the plan. “Did you want to do something for dinner?”
“Oh, Carly came by. She wanted to have us over for dinner. An apology,” Courtney added. “For always dragging us into their fights. I think it’d be good. You know, all of us. A family night. Just us.”
“Just us,” Jason repeated. Just the family. “Sure. That’s fine.”
Kelly’s: Dining Room
Elizabeth stifled a yawn, then flipped the closed sign to open before returning to the counter. “You ready, DJ?”
“Ready for an hour of toast, bagels, and coffee,” the cook muttered. She could hear him scraping on the grill. “Real challenging work.”
“You’ll miss this quiet time when the rush starts,” Elizabeth said, leaning over the counter, smiling. “You always complain about the quiet time, the rush, and everything in between. I’ve missed this, DJ.”
“We missed you, too, Lizzie. Not the same without you. You and me, the last of Ruby’s people. Once we go, who’s gonna keep this place going?”
He’d meant it as a compliment and she smiled at him, but man, she did not like the reminder of how long she’d been here. Kelly’s had been a quick job to pay off her debts when she’d moved here. She’d used all of her year’s allowance on a first-class, one way ticket. She smiled at the memory, moving to the counter to organize her sidework. What a crazy kid she’d been — never thinking ahead, figuring tomorrow would take care of itself.
What would she tell little annoying Lizzie Webber if she could talk to her younger self? The list was endless, but mostly she hoped she’d tell that love-starved girl that not all affection was real, and not to trust anyone who made you the center of their world.
The bell jingled, and Elizabeth raised her eyes to find Ric Lansing stepping into the diner, a broad smile stretching across his handsome face. Her hands stilled. It was the first time she’d seen her estranged husband in nearly a month, and she was hoping to keep it that way.
“The rumors are true. You’re back at Kelly’s.” Ric slid onto the stool, tipped over his cup. “You remember how I take it, don’t you?”
“I remember everything, Ric,” Elizabeth said, turning to the carafe and tipping it so that the hot liquid poured into the cup. “Can I get you anything else?”
“No, coffee will do for now. I was sorry that you’d contacted the gallery and cancelled. You didn’t have to do it—”
“I didn’t have time to finish the paintings,” Elizabeth said flatly. “Recovering from a pulmonary embolism took time and money I didn’t really have.” She lifted her brows. “You know, the doctors don’t know what caused it. I didn’t have any of the risk factors.”
“Medicine, such a mystery.”
“A real mystery,” she said. She was cold, little icicles pricking at the surface of her skin. “They told me it could have been the birth control pills I was taking. But when I told them I wasn’t on any birth control, well, they were stumped.” Elizabeth set the carafe on the hot plate and looked at Ric who had the audacity to stare at her with that blank, curious stare. “We’re not friends, Ric. We’re not amicable exes. You can refuse to sign the papers all you want. No judge in their right mind is going to stall a divorce where I’m not taking anything from you.”
“You believed in me once, Elizabeth. Even in the face of everyone telling you differently—” Ric leaned in, his eyes earnest. Sincere. “You know me. Better than anyone—”
“I do know you better than anyone. Which is why all I want is to be done with you. Make it as difficult or as painful as you want. I don’t care. I don’t care why you did it, how you’re getting away with it— I just want you forget you ever existed—”
“But you won’t be able to forget me, Elizabeth, or what we shared. It was real—”
“A real nightmare that I am ending. I have ended it. Now drink your coffee and go.”
Corinthos & Morgan Warehouse: Office
Sonny paced the length of his office, stroking his chin. “You talked to Benny’s brother, didn’t you?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I made contact this morning. He’s up for taking over Benny’s spot,” Jason said. “I’ll set him up in the office, get him what he needs, and we won’t have to worry about that.”
“Good. I want to turn my attention where it belongs. Lorenzo Alcazar.” Sonny gritted his teeth. “He’s not making a single move I could call aggressive.”
“Just at the hotel, like a tourist.” Jason gripped the back of the desk hair. “He’s got the same layers covering him his brother did. The feds need his contacts with the arms operation, so our hands are tied on that.”
“But why is he still here? I didn’t kill his damn brother,” Sonny muttered. He rubbed his chest. “He’s waiting for something.”
Jason grimaced because he knew where this was going, and he didn’t want to deal with it. Two straight weeks of talking his partner off the ledge about Lorenzo Alcazar hadn’t changed anything. Sonny could and would let every little thing lead him astray, and Jason had to drag him back.
How many hours of his life had he lost to this debacle? Sometimes Jason missed not being in Port Charles. Walking around some foreign city where no one knew him. Where no one could call him. And lately —
Even before that night, even before all that was wrong with Emily, Jason had found himself wondering if he could just get on his bike and leave again. There was nothing holding him here other than Sonny’s family. And Emily.
And Elizabeth.
She’d always kept him tied to Port Charles — every time he left, he thought about her. What she’d say about the buildings he saw, and the museums he’d gone to. He’d had to work very hard to wrap her up, put her inside a box, and lock her away. She’d made it clear last year, Jason thought, that she didn’t want him.
And he’d suceeded. He’d put it away. He’d stopped thinking about her.
Until she’d sat next to him, and she’d started to cry, and he’d had to touch her and it had all come flooding back, and now he didn’t know how to turn it off again. How had he done it before?
“Jason?”
Jason blinked, looked at Sonny, cleared his throat. “What?”
“You tuned out.” Sonny frowned. “You never do that. You focus. That’s your talent. What’s going on? Did—did something happen with Emily? If you need to be at the hospital—”
“No. She’s still—she’s fine. Recovering. Restarting chemo in another week,” Jason said. “I’m fine. I just—I haven’t been sleeping well.” Not for days. Weeks. Months. Not since Carly had disappeared from the church yard.
“Yeah? What’s up? If it’s about Ric, believe me. I’m there.” Sonny grimaced. “I don’t know what the hell he pulled at the DA’s office — we had him dead to rights. Elizabeth, you know, she really came through. I didn’t know if she would—”
“She saw the panic room for herself,” Jason said, remembering that awful day when he’d gone to see her in the hospital, when she’d flatlined, and he’d thought she was dead. How angry she’d been when she thought Jason had killed Ric—how angry she’d been at him for months—and how furious he‘d been with her for not believing him in the first place. “She couldn’t talk herself out of it anymore,” he murmured. “She’s good at that. Talking in circles until she can accept whatever reality she’s trying to hold on to.”
Sonny studied him. “Yeah, I guess she did that enough with Lucky. You’d have to stay as long as she did. Made herself miserable. But she stood up. Gave that statement. And then Ric just…” He looked out the window over the dockyard. “Skated. Now he’s working for the law. None of it makes any damn sense.”
“No, it doesn’t. I know—I know he’s your brother—”
“Brother,” Sonny muttered. “He has my mother’s eyes. Shares her blood. That doesn’t make him my brother. It just makes him an abomination.” He looked at Jason. “Is that what’s eating at you? Now that we’re back in Port Charles. Now that Carly’s safe?”
Ric walking around free instead of being six feet under, it definitely bothered him. And it was easy to just nod, to take the excuse Sonny had handed him. Because, no, Ric’s continued relationship with oxygen hadn’t been particularly nagging at Jason, but now that Sonny had brought up the topic, it gave him somewhere to put his frustration.
“Yeah,” Jason said finally. “I don’t like it. For what he did to Carly. And whatever he did to Elizabeth,” he added as an afterthought. “I don’t know how she ended up in the hospital, but it was him.”
“Probably, yeah. She had a lot of medical issues as soon as they met. Christ.” Sonny dragged a hand down his face, then flexed his hand, almost as if he was missing the usual tumbler of liquor. “Well, you know, what I don’t know, won’t hurt me.”
Jason lifted his brows at this quiet acquiescence. “Yeah?”
“Yeah, well, it’s not like he doesn’t deserve it. And if it’s going to eat at you, you might as well handle it. But I don’t want to know,” Sonny told him.
He felt oddly guilty letting Sonny think Ric was the problem lurking in Jason’s head, but that was easier than telling Sonny, the same man who’d fired Jason over the relationship with Courtney, that he’d slept with Elizabeth.
Sonny would think he’d lost his mind, and Jason wasn’t really sure what side Sonny would fall on, and he wasn’t in a hurry to find out. Not when Sonny’s good days were starting to outnumber the bad. Maybe one day, when it was all behind them, Jason could talk to him about it. Sonny might even understand. He’d walked away from Brenda, hadn’t he? He knew what it meant to walk away from the woman you loved while she had tears in her eyes.
He cleared his throat. “I’ll get Bernie set up, and make sure we can get eyes on Alcazar. He’s waiting for something, and I don’t want to be the last to find out what.”
Kelly’s: Dining Room
Elizabeth emerged from the kitchen with a tray of orders, stopping for just a moment when she realized the last empty table in her section had been occupied by Courtney and Carly. The blondes were talking, and Michael was coloring at his chair, oblivious.
She took a deep breath, continued to her original destination, delivering to a trio of dockworkers, then pulled out her order pad and approached the table.
“Can I get you guys started with some drinks?” Elizabeth asked. Courtney looked up at her, then raised her hand, rested it on her chin. Her left hand, the diamond winking in the light.
“Mmm, I’m in the mood for a milkshake. Strawberry,” Courtney said. “Carly?”
“Oh, just iced tea for me. Dairy makes me—” Carly made a face. “I didn’t know you were back. Mama didn’t say.”
“Yeah, well, have to pay the bills. Divorce lawyers aren’t cheap.” Elizabeth scribbled their orders. “Anything for Michael?”
“Chocolate milk. And we’re ready to order,” Carly said, before reeling off her usual and something for Michael.
“I’ll have chili. Elizabeth, you need to settle a debate for us,” Courtney said. She straightened, let her hand drop to the table, but left it flat so that the ring was still visible. “Carly thinks an outdoor wedding in October is asking for trouble—”
“Without a backup,” Carly said. “Have a venue on standby—”
“But I think it would be romantic,” Courtney said, looking directly at Elizabeth. “For Jason and I to get married outside, on the anniversary of our first kiss. October 19. And I think it’s worth the risk, don’t you?”
Elizabeth tucked her pencil back in her apron. “I think Carly’s right. You should have something on standby. You’ve only had one fall in upstate New York. The storms off the lake are no joke.”
“See, when Elizabeth and I agree on something, you know it’s probably right. I don’t think we’ve agreed since—” Carly frowned. “Have we ever?”
“We agree that I make good brownies,” Elizabeth said softly, and the blonde hesitated. “I made them for you last year. When you were grieving. I’ll go put in your orders.”
She left the pair at the table, her heart pounding. She went behind the counter, ripped the order off her pad and slid across to DJ. She just needed a minute. Just one.
She wasn’t on the verge of years, Elizabeth was relieved to realize. Or even angry that the pair had come in to stake their claim. Courtney had obviously not told Carly anything — no way the blonde wouldn’t have said something. But she’d brought Carly to talk about the wedding, and she’d flashed her ring as if Elizabeth could forget.
It was just….sad. For all of them. Jason had made his choice, and Elizabeth knew that he’d made the only one he’d be able to live with. But she wondered if Jason knew what Courtney obviously did.
That making the choice to stay was only the first step. The easiest.
Now it came the hard part — actually staying. And meaning it. Being happy.
And while Elizabeth truly did wish Jason well — well, she wouldn’t be human if there wasn’t just the smallest piece of her soul rooting for failure. If she didn’t hope that Jason looked at the life he’d built with Courtney, and wonder…what could have been.
But she wouldn’t sit around and wait for him. She’d get on with her life — and her job.
“Order’s up,” DJ called, and Elizabeth got back to work.
Stories alternate M/W/F
Rewrites Jason's return in 2017 and the Cassadine/WSB memory experiments.
Rewrites New Year's Eve Bomb in 2000. What if Jason stays in Port Charles?
