Written in 65 minutes.

Harborview Towers: Hallway

Jason stepped up to the penthouse door, hesitating before twisting the knob. In the last forty-eight hours, he’d sat vigil over his dying sister, slept with Elizabeth, nearly broken up with his fiancee, patched up another fight with Sonny and Carly, and today…this afternoon…he’d stood in the studio, listening to Elizabeth rationalize all of this until she’d found a way to let him off the hook. To make everything he’d done to her okay, to make it sound almost like the right choice.

And it was…wasn’t it? What did that even mean—the right choice? Who decided what was right? The universe? Jason? He’d known that question once with a certainty that seemed almost naive and childlike after the accident. He did what he wanted and didn’t give a damn about anyone else.

Robin had showed him the value of caring about others, and loving Michael had taught Jason how to sacrifice his own needs for the needs of others. But sometimes Jason wondered if he’d taken it too far.

If he’d spent so much time shoving down what he wanted that he no longer knew how to recognize the feeling anymore?

He twisted the knob, stepped inside, and Courtney immediately popped off the sofa, her features creased with anxiety. “You came back.”

“You didn’t think I would?” Jason asked, dropping his keys on the desk.

“You said you were going to talk to Elizabeth,” she said. She looked pointedly at the window where the sun was beginning to sink below the horizon. “That was hours ago.”

“I had wait until she finished working,” Jason said, irritated with Courtney for pressing the subject and with himself for ever walking into Kelly’s and thinking that he could tell Elizabeth over the counter that he’d made a choice. He  hadn’t thought about her at all, Jason realized. Only himself, and wanting to be done with it.

A selfish act, and a reminder why he couldn’t act that way anymore. Acting on impulse only got you in trouble and hurt other people.

“Six hours?”

“After I talked to her—” After Elizabeth had looked at him those shattered eyes, silently begging him to make a different choice even when her mouth told him the opposite. What if she’d really said it? What if she’d actually begged him to stay?

He’d still be there, Jason thought, and man, that didn’t sit right with him. None of this did. He dragged a hand down his face. “After I talked to her, I needed a ride. Can that be enough? I told you I was sorry.” When she flinched, looked away, he sighed. He was the bad guy here. The man who’d proposed marriage, then slept with another woman. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. “It just…it wasn’t a pleasant conversation.”

“No, I guess it wouldn’t be. I just thought maybe you’d see her, and you’d change your mind again. But you didn’t. That’s good.” She smiled, but it looked pained. “We’ll…we’ll work on things, right? We were unhappy for a little while, but we’ll just find that feeling again.”

“Right.” That was the plan. “Did you want to do something for dinner?”

“Oh, Carly came by. She wanted to have us over for dinner. An apology,” Courtney added. “For always dragging us into their fights. I think it’d be good. You know, all of us. A family night. Just us.”

“Just us,” Jason repeated. Just the family. “Sure. That’s fine.”

Kelly’s: Dining Room

Elizabeth stifled a yawn, then flipped the closed sign to open before returning to the counter. “You ready, DJ?”

“Ready for an hour of toast, bagels, and coffee,” the cook muttered. She could hear him scraping on the grill. “Real challenging work.”

“You’ll miss this quiet time when the rush starts,” Elizabeth said, leaning over the counter, smiling. “You always complain about the quiet time, the rush, and everything in between.  I’ve missed this, DJ.”

“We missed you, too, Lizzie. Not the same without you. You and me, the last of Ruby’s people. Once we go, who’s gonna keep this place going?”

He’d meant it as a compliment and she smiled at him, but man, she did not like the reminder of how long she’d been here. Kelly’s had been a quick job to pay off her debts when she’d moved here. She’d used all of her year’s allowance on a first-class, one way ticket. She smiled at the memory, moving to the counter to organize her sidework. What a crazy kid she’d been — never thinking ahead, figuring tomorrow would take care of itself.

What would she tell little annoying Lizzie Webber if she could talk to her younger self? The list was endless, but mostly she hoped she’d tell that love-starved girl that not all affection was real, and not to trust anyone who made you the center of their world.

The bell jingled, and Elizabeth raised her eyes to find Ric Lansing stepping into the diner, a broad smile stretching across his handsome face. Her hands stilled. It was the first time she’d seen her estranged husband in nearly a month, and she was hoping to keep it that way.

“The rumors are true. You’re back at Kelly’s.” Ric slid onto the stool, tipped over his cup. “You remember how I take it, don’t you?”

“I remember everything, Ric,” Elizabeth said, turning to the carafe and tipping it so that the hot liquid poured into the cup. “Can I get you anything else?”

“No, coffee will do for now. I was sorry that you’d contacted the gallery and cancelled. You didn’t have to do it—”

“I didn’t have time to finish the paintings,” Elizabeth said flatly. “Recovering from a pulmonary embolism took time and money I didn’t really have.” She lifted her brows. “You know, the doctors don’t know what caused it. I didn’t have any of the risk factors.”

“Medicine, such a mystery.”

“A real mystery,” she said. She was cold, little icicles pricking at the surface of her skin. “They told me it could have been the birth control pills I was taking. But when I told them I wasn’t on any birth control, well, they were stumped.” Elizabeth set the carafe on the hot plate and looked at Ric who had the audacity to stare at her with that blank, curious stare. “We’re not friends, Ric. We’re not amicable exes. You can refuse to sign the papers all you want. No judge in their right mind is going to stall a divorce where I’m not taking anything from you.”

“You believed in me once, Elizabeth. Even in the face of everyone telling you differently—” Ric leaned in, his eyes earnest. Sincere. “You know me. Better than anyone—”

“I do know you better than anyone. Which is why all I want is to be done with you. Make it as difficult or as painful as you want. I don’t care. I don’t care why you did it, how you’re getting away with it— I just want you forget you ever existed—”

“But you won’t be able to forget me, Elizabeth, or what we shared. It was real—”

“A real nightmare that I am ending. I have ended it. Now drink your coffee and go.”

Corinthos & Morgan Warehouse: Office

Sonny paced the length of his office, stroking his chin. “You talked to Benny’s brother, didn’t you?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I made contact this morning. He’s up for taking over Benny’s spot,” Jason said. “I’ll set him up in the office, get him what he needs, and we won’t have to worry about that.”

“Good. I want to turn my attention where it belongs. Lorenzo Alcazar.” Sonny gritted his teeth. “He’s not making a single move I could call aggressive.”

“Just at the hotel, like a tourist.” Jason gripped the back of the desk hair. “He’s got the same layers covering him his brother did. The feds need his contacts with the arms operation, so our hands are tied on that.”

“But why is he still here? I didn’t kill his damn brother,” Sonny muttered. He rubbed his chest. “He’s waiting for something.”

Jason grimaced because he knew where this was going, and he didn’t want to deal with it. Two straight weeks of talking his partner off the ledge about Lorenzo Alcazar hadn’t changed anything. Sonny could and would let every little thing lead him astray, and Jason had to drag him back.

How many hours of his life had he lost to this debacle? Sometimes Jason missed not being in Port Charles. Walking around some foreign city where no one knew him. Where no one could call him. And lately —

Even before that night, even before all that was wrong with Emily, Jason had found himself wondering if he could just get on his bike and leave again. There was nothing holding him here other than Sonny’s family. And Emily.

And Elizabeth.

She’d always kept him tied to Port Charles — every time he left, he thought about her. What she’d say about the buildings he saw, and the museums he’d gone to. He’d had to work very hard to wrap her up, put her inside a box, and lock her away. She’d made it clear last year, Jason thought, that she didn’t want him.

And he’d suceeded. He’d put it away. He’d stopped thinking about her.

Until she’d sat next to him, and she’d started to cry, and he’d had to touch her and it had all come flooding back, and now he didn’t know how to turn it off again. How had he done it before?

“Jason?”

Jason blinked, looked at Sonny, cleared his throat. “What?”

“You tuned out.” Sonny frowned. “You never do that. You focus. That’s your talent. What’s going on? Did—did something happen with Emily? If you need to be at the hospital—”

“No. She’s still—she’s fine. Recovering. Restarting chemo in another week,” Jason said. “I’m fine. I just—I haven’t been sleeping well.” Not for days. Weeks. Months. Not since Carly had disappeared from the church yard.

“Yeah? What’s up? If it’s about Ric, believe me. I’m there.” Sonny grimaced. “I don’t know what the hell he pulled at the DA’s office — we had him dead to rights. Elizabeth, you know, she really came through. I didn’t know if she would—”

“She saw the panic room for herself,” Jason said, remembering that awful day when he’d gone to see her in the hospital, when she’d flatlined, and he’d thought she was dead. How angry she’d been when she thought Jason had killed Ric—how angry she’d been at him for months—and how furious he‘d been with her for not believing him in the first place. “She couldn’t talk herself out of it anymore,” he murmured. “She’s good at that. Talking in circles until she can accept whatever reality she’s trying to hold on to.”

Sonny studied him. “Yeah, I guess she did that enough with Lucky. You’d have to stay as long as she did. Made herself miserable. But she stood up. Gave that statement. And then Ric just…” He looked out the window over the dockyard. “Skated. Now he’s working for the law. None of it makes any damn sense.”

“No, it doesn’t. I know—I know he’s your brother—”

“Brother,” Sonny muttered. “He has my mother’s eyes. Shares her blood. That doesn’t make him my brother. It just makes him an abomination.” He looked at Jason. “Is that what’s eating at you? Now that we’re back in Port Charles. Now that Carly’s safe?”

Ric walking around free instead of being six feet under, it definitely bothered him. And it was easy to just nod, to take the excuse Sonny had handed him. Because, no, Ric’s continued relationship with oxygen hadn’t been particularly nagging at Jason, but now that Sonny had brought up the topic, it gave him somewhere to put his frustration.

“Yeah,” Jason said finally. “I don’t like it. For what he did to Carly. And whatever he did to Elizabeth,” he added as an afterthought. “I don’t know how she ended up in the hospital, but it was him.”

“Probably, yeah. She had a lot of medical issues as soon as they met. Christ.” Sonny dragged a hand down his face, then flexed his hand, almost as if he was missing the usual tumbler of liquor. “Well,  you know, what I don’t know, won’t hurt me.”

Jason lifted his brows at this quiet acquiescence. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, well, it’s not like he doesn’t deserve it. And if it’s going to eat at you, you might as well handle it. But I don’t want to know,” Sonny told him.

He felt oddly guilty letting Sonny think Ric was the problem lurking in Jason’s head, but that was easier than telling Sonny, the same man who’d fired Jason over the relationship with Courtney, that he’d slept with Elizabeth.

Sonny would think he’d lost his mind, and Jason wasn’t really sure what side Sonny would fall on, and he wasn’t in a hurry to find out. Not when Sonny’s good days were starting to outnumber the bad. Maybe one day, when it was all behind them, Jason could talk to him about it. Sonny might even understand. He’d walked away from Brenda, hadn’t he? He knew what it meant to walk away from the woman you loved while she had tears in her eyes.

He cleared his throat. “I’ll get Bernie set up, and make sure we can get eyes on Alcazar. He’s waiting for something, and I don’t want to be the last to find out what.”

Kelly’s: Dining Room

Elizabeth emerged from the kitchen with a tray of orders, stopping for just a moment when she realized the last empty table in her section had been occupied by Courtney and Carly. The blondes were talking, and Michael was coloring at his chair, oblivious.

She took a deep breath, continued to her original destination, delivering to a trio of dockworkers, then pulled out her order pad and approached the table.

“Can I get you guys started with some drinks?” Elizabeth asked. Courtney looked up at her, then raised her hand, rested it on her chin. Her left hand, the diamond winking in the light.

“Mmm, I’m in the mood for a milkshake. Strawberry,” Courtney said. “Carly?”

“Oh, just iced tea for me. Dairy makes me—” Carly made a face. “I didn’t know you were back. Mama didn’t say.”

“Yeah, well, have to pay the bills. Divorce lawyers aren’t cheap.” Elizabeth scribbled their orders. “Anything for Michael?”

“Chocolate milk. And we’re ready to order,” Carly said, before reeling off her usual and something for Michael.

“I’ll have chili. Elizabeth, you need to settle a debate for us,” Courtney said. She straightened, let her hand drop to the table, but left it flat so that the ring was still visible. “Carly thinks an outdoor wedding in October is asking for trouble—”

“Without a backup,” Carly said. “Have a venue on standby—”

“But I think it would be romantic,” Courtney said, looking directly at Elizabeth. “For Jason and I to get married outside, on the anniversary of our first kiss. October 19. And I think it’s worth the risk, don’t you?”

Elizabeth tucked her pencil back in her apron. “I think Carly’s right. You should have something on standby. You’ve only had one fall in upstate New York. The storms off the lake are no joke.”

“See, when Elizabeth and I agree on something, you know it’s probably right. I don’t think we’ve agreed since—” Carly frowned. “Have we ever?”

“We agree that I make good brownies,” Elizabeth said softly, and the blonde hesitated. “I made them for you last year. When you were grieving. I’ll go put in your orders.”

She left the pair at the table, her heart pounding. She went behind the counter, ripped the order off her pad and slid across to DJ. She just needed a minute. Just one.

She wasn’t on the verge of years, Elizabeth was relieved to realize. Or even angry that the pair had come in to stake their claim. Courtney had obviously not told Carly anything — no way the blonde wouldn’t have said something. But she’d brought Carly to talk about the wedding, and she’d flashed her ring as if Elizabeth could forget.

It was just….sad. For all of them. Jason had made his choice, and Elizabeth knew that he’d made the only one he’d be able to live with. But she wondered if Jason knew what Courtney obviously did.

That making the choice to stay was only the first step. The easiest.

Now it came the hard part — actually staying. And meaning it. Being happy.

And while Elizabeth truly did wish Jason well — well, she wouldn’t be human if there wasn’t just the smallest piece of her soul rooting for failure. If she didn’t hope that Jason looked at the life he’d built with Courtney, and wonder…what could have been.

But she wouldn’t sit around and wait for him. She’d get on with her life — and her job.

“Order’s up,” DJ called, and Elizabeth got back to work.

+30

Written in 50 minutes. I did do a read through to look for typos, but my mother called so I didn’t do it as closely as I wanted to, lol. I’ll find them as soon as I posted, I know. Next update on Tuesday!

Kelly’s: Dining Room

Elizabeth refilled Nikolas’s coffee cup. “It’s hard to set realistic expectations after all that, you know?” she told him. “I know she still has rounds of chemo and so much work ahead of her before she goes into remission—”

“If,” Nikolas corrected, almost on a mutter. He cupped the ceramic white cup with both hands, rotating it gently. “I can’t let myself believe it. It’ll hurt too much when it doesn’t work.”

“I know. I know. But I also—” Elizabeth paused when she saw a familiar figure in the courtyard, lingering between the window and door, almost as if he wanted to come in but couldn’t figure out how to work the handle. Her throat tightened, and their eyes met.

Oh, God.

“Liz?” Nikolas asked, and she looked at him, blinking. He frowned, then twisted in his seat, his lips thinning when he saw who had caught her attention. “Oh, hell.” He turned back around, dragged a hand down his face. “I didn’t know that was back. I mean, that you and him—”

“We’re not,” Elizabeth murmured. And we won’t be, she thought.

The door finally opened, and even the jingle of the bells sounded muted as Jason entered, walking slowly towards her, heaviness in every step. Her lower lip quivered, so she bit down on it.

“Nikolas?”

“Yeah?”

“Whatever you do, stay right there.”

“Got it.”

Jason stopped in front of her, rested the tips of both hands on the counter. Their eyes met for one excruciating minute, then he looked away. “I was—if you had a few minutes—”

“I’m on break in ten minutes,” Elizabeth said. “I’ll talk to you in the alley. Not in here. Or out there.” Not in the courtyard where he’d walked away from her for the first time all those years ago.

“Yeah. Yeah, okay.” He cleared his throat, almost as if he wanted to say something else, but mercifully, he left.

Nikolas watched him go, then studied Elizabeth’s face. “You’re not going to tell me what that’s about, are you?”

“Nothing. It’s—”

“Hey. I know I have a terrible track record when it comes to that topic, and I’m not going to fix that in the next ten minutes,” Nikolas said. “You don’t have to lie to me Just tell me to butt out.”

“It’s not that. I just—” She very carefully picked up a dish towel and folded it, desperately needing something to do, an action to perform so that her hands didn’t shake. “I can’t talk about it. Physically. I mean. I need to take the next ten minutes to decide how to do this, and I don’t have the bandwidth to explain any of it to you right now. I’m sorry—”

“Don’t apologize for doing what you need to do to survive, Liz.” Nikolas raised the cup to his lips. “You don’t report to me and you’re not accountable to me, either. But whatever happens next, I hope you know I’m here for you.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

She kept herself busy for what time remained before her break, and still didn’t have any epiphany for what had to come next. Only that she wasn’t ready for this conversation.

“Go on and take your break,” Penny said, passing her with a carafe of coffee. “I’ve got it covered.”

“Thanks.” Elizabeth headed for the kitchen where the back entrance lead to the alley.

Jason stood there, leaning against the opposite wall. He straightened when she pushed the door open and stepped out. “Hey—”

“I know I asked you to wait out here, but—” She folded her arms, looked down at the ground, kicked at a stray piece of glass that had escaped the trash bins. “I honestly don’t think I want to do this here, either. I don’t want to do it at all. I still have three hours on my shift, and right now, I can pretend I don’t know what you’re going to say. I can’t finish my shift if I know.”

Jason exhaled on a long breath. “I didn’t—I’m sorry. I didn’t think—”

“No,” Elizabeth said, her smile grim. “You don’t work a nine to five, so I guess it wouldn’t occur to you. I’ll meet you at my studio in three hours. And no, you can’t come here and pick me up,” she added when he opened his mouth. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, do you?”

“No. No. I’ll see you then.”

“Okay.” Elizabeth looked at him for another long moment, searching his eyes, then went back inside. She leaned against the closed door, squeezed her eyes shut.

“You okay over there, Lizzie?” DJ, the cook on the grill for the breakfast shift, asked.

“Okay is a strong word, DJ. I’m surviving. That’s good enough.”

She’d make it enough.

Three hours later, she turned over what tables remained to the next waitress, grateful for the lunch rush which had made it impossible to think about anything else. She’d needed the time, the space, the distraction. She’d only get one chance at this conversation, and she really wanted to walk away from all of this knowing she’d done the right thing by herself—and by Jason.

She walked home, wishing she lived further, that she could put off this conversation again. To prolong the silly hope that somehow, if she didn’t do this today, tomorrow would be different. But it wouldn’t be.

Jason was waiting for her, and she almost wondered if he’d come directly here and had sat here for the last three hours. She nearly asked, but didn’t. Her keys were in her hand when she approached the door.

“Thanks,” Elizabeth said, sliding the key into the lock, twisting to release the catch and deadbolt. “For, um, waiting. I needed a chance to….I needed to be ready for this.” She walked into the studio ahead of him, and if she’d had any doubts about his choice, they would have been erased when he followed her inside, closed the door and stayed on the other side of the room.

“Elizabeth—”

She sat on the arm of her sofa. “You don’t have to say it. You went home and you looked at her, and you realized it’s insanity to walk away from what you know you can live with, from someone who makes you happy enough, that you love enough. To walk away from the life you know and trust—” Her voice trembled. “And risk it for someone who never stays anyway—”

“Don’t say that,” Jason said, coming forward just a step, then stopping, fisting his hands at his side. “That’s not what you are to me—”

“That’s what you were to me,” she interrupted, and he closed his mouth. “That day in the park. You offered me the world, and I almost said yes. But you backed off. Do you remember that? I asked if you wanted me to go with you, and you said it didn’t matter as long as I was free. And I—” She brushed at an errant tear. “And I said no. Because what if I walked away from everything and everyone and you decided it wasn’t real, that you didn’t love me after all, not that you loved me in the first place—but I just—I couldn’t trust it. Maybe I was only unhappy because you were here, and I could imagine something different. But before you came home, I was happy. Happy enough. I loved Lucky enough. Maybe once you went away, it all go back the way it used to be.”

Jason swallowed hard. “Did it?”

She smiled at him through her tears. “No, it didn’t. But I didn’t know that then. I couldn’t. You were the risk I was too scared to take, and the regret I’ll have to live with, I guess.” Elizabeth closed her eyes, took a deep breath. She could do this.

She could do this.

Elizabeth opened her eyes, looked at him. Really looked at him. “I’m not saying staying with Courtney is a mistake. It’d be so arrogant and self-serving, right? To tell you that we couldn’t have shared what we did that night if you’d been really happy—I’m not that person, and neither are you. I know that staying with Lucky was the choice that I made willingly, and just because it turned into a mistake, it didn’t mean it started that way.”

Jason dragged a hand down his face. “I just—I love her,” he said in a low voice, and Elizabeth was surprised when the words didn’t stab her in the gut the way she’d expect. “We…work. Outside. In my life. She understands it and—”

“She’s part of Sonny’s family. Friends with Carly. She fits, Jason. And you love her. I understand.”

“I—” Jason paused, as if searching for the right words. “I love you, too,” he said, and those words did slice at her, because she’d dreamt of hearing them and now it was being said as he walked away. “I don’t know if that’s—if I should tell you that—but I can’t stand it if you think I don’t—or that the other night—that it was—I should regret it. I know this would all be easier if I did, but—”  He looked away, shook his head slightly. “I don’t know. I’m standing here, and I don’t want to do this. But then I go home—”

“And your brain tells you all the reasons why you and Courtney have lasted for months and months, and why you and I didn’t make it three weeks.”

Jason looked at her sharply. “I didn’t—I knew why we didn’t. I lied to you. I should have told you about Sonny.”

“And I should have given you the grace you had earned over and over again. For all the times I hurt you, for all the times I didn’t stand by you, I should have stayed. Fought about it. But I left. And I don’t get to complain that you didn’t fight for us. Because I didn’t either.” She looked down at her hands, twisting the silver ring on her right hand.

“It just…it was too hard,” Jason admitted, his voice quiet. “I’m sorry.”

“Me, too.” She looked up, smiled, tears stinging again. “I want you to know that there’s a part of me that wants to fight you now. And I’m struggling—because maybe that’s what I’m supposed to do. I haven’t  yet. Maybe that would work. If I cried, and I begged you to—” Her voice trembled, and swallowed. “If I begged you to stay. To love me. To choose me.” The tears spilled over the edge, hot and torrid, and she pressed her hands to her face, horrified. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.  I’m not doing that — I just—I said it out loud, and it hurt so much—” She threw up her hands when he started across the room. “No. No. You made a decision, okay, and if you come over here, you’ll hold me, and we’ll never get through this and we’ll keep doing this stupid dance over and over again until I can’t breath anymore.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m messing this up. I’m hurting you, I’m hurting her—”

“And yourself. You’re hurting you, and you won’t say that. Because you never do—you always put yourself last, and I’m trying so hard to put you first, okay? Because you’re what matters.”

“You matter, too—” But Jason stayed where he was, though his hands were shoved in the pockets of his jeans, as if that was the only way to protect himself. “You do. And—”

“You have to do this. Because you were happy with her before it all went to hell. You were happy and you loved her, and you wanted to marry her,” Elizabeth said. “So you have to do this. You need to go be sure that you can’t get that back. I promise you, I understand. I do.”

“Maybe this would be easier if you didn’t,” Jason muttered and she smiled. “If you were angry at me, or throwing things—”

“Oh, yeah, it definitely would be,” Elizabeth said, with teary-eyed laughter. She  smiled at him. “I love you. And I want you to be happy. I told you yesterday, and I meant that. If it’s with her, I wish you happiness. I do, Jason.”

“If you need me, if you need anything—”

“I know where to find you. I always do.” She wrapped her arms around herself, smiled. “It’s better this way. You know? I’d always wonder if you loved me or you were staying because you’d blown everything else up and had no where to go. We’re not those people, Jason. We’d never be happy if it came at her expense, would we?”

“No,” he said softly. He came forward now, and this time she let him. “No, we  wouldn’t.” He used the pad of his thumb to brush away the last of her tears. “I want you to be happy, too. You deserve it. Promise me you’ll be happy.”

“I don’t make promises I can’t keep,” Elizabeth said and he closed his eyes, leaned his forehead against hers. “I’m sorry. I’ll try, though. Okay?”

Jason gently kissed her  forehead, his lips lingering. She put one hand around his wrist, the way she had long ago day the first time he’d left her. Then he looked at her, and she braced herself for the goodbye.

“I’ll see you later,” he told her, and she smiled again.

“I’ll see you later,” she echoed.

And then he left.

+30

Written in 54 minutes. This was a good stopping point.

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

Max had left the door open when he’d rushed across the hall. Jason reached the other penthouse before Courtney to find Sonny staring blankly at the remains of shattered glass and brown liquor on the hardwood floor, and Carly crying, one hand over her mouth to muffle the sobs, and the other wrapped protectively over her belly, now eight months gone.

It wasn’t the first time since Carly’s return that Jason come over in the aftermath of a vicious, angry argument, and it wouldn’t be a last. He knew his part in this charade, and so did Courtney. Sonny’s sister went straight to Carly, wrapping an arm around her shoulder, murmuring soothing words.

Jason went to Sonny, took him by the arm, alarmed by how docilely the older man acted as he was led towards the fireplace, widening the gap between husband and wife.

“M-Michael—he’s upstairs—but I know he heard—I know—” Carly’s hitched words. “He just—he won’t believe me—he doesn’t believe me—”

“Let’s get some water, okay? Let’s get something to drink,” Courtney suggested, stroking Carly’s back. She guided her sister-in-law in the direction of the kitchen, disappearing around the corner.

Jason got Sonny to sit on the sofa, then went to Max standing in the doorway, his hands hanging limply at his side. “No one else was up here today?” he asked, his voice low. “None of the other guards?”

“N-no, just me. I’m supposed to be off in twenty, but—” he swallowed hard. “I’ll call. Tell Diego I’m pulling a double.”

“Good. Good. Take care of that.” Jason rubbed his thumb against his brow. Sonny’s erratic behavior was bad enough on a personal level, but if it were just that then maybe Jason wouldn’t feel like he had to be involved.

But not all of the guards had been with them for years — and not all could be trusted with the uncomfortable truth about Sonny’s dark moods and breakdowns. Max could, and Jason would have to make sure the guard was compensated for the extra time and effort.

If the wrong people knew how unstable Sonny could get — how easy it would be to exploit that vulnerability, it would be all out war. Violence would escalate and people would get hurt. Jason would do anything he had to do to prevent that, to preserve the peace.

He’d chosen this life and it was too late to turn back. All he could do now was keep it steady and predictable. Which meant protecting Sonny.

He closed the door, then went back to Sonny. He sat on the coffee table in front of him. “Sonny—”

“I didn’t mean to—” Sonny’s dark eyes darted away. “I wasn’t going to say anything to day. We talked about it. We talked and I believe you. I believe you that Carly—I know she’d never do anything. I know—I know that it’s good that she was treated well after all—” He swallowed hard, and his voice shook. “But I thought I saw Lily on the balcony—”

Jason looked Sonny at the closed balcony doors, at the setting sun in the background, then back at Sonny. “It was a trick of a light. Your imagination,” he told his friend carefully. “You know that.”

“I do. She died. My son. She and my son died because I couldn’t protect her—” Sonny dragged a hand over his mouth. “Couldn’t protect her, just like Carly. Alcazar. He got her out of that panic room, and she was happy there—”

“No,” Jason said, his voice sharp because that was how it always started. “Not happy. Relieved to have sunlight and real food. The ability to walk around. She was locked in a small, cramped panic room for three weeks, Sonny. Anything after that would feel like a paradise.”

“I know, I know. I just can’t remember that—”

“You will. We’ll talk about it as much as you need to. You and me, Sonny. But Carly’s been through so much. Kidnapped in front of her son, trapped in a panic room, threatened with death, kidnapped again — she needs rest and relaxation. She’s going to have a baby. Your son. Her health comes first.”

“Right. Right.” Sonny dipped his head. “My son. Our son. We have to save him this time. Can’t lose another one. Wouldn’t—” He curled his hand in a fist, unfurled it, then formed it again. “Wouldn’t survive it again,” he muttered.

“I know that,” Jason said. “Why don’t you lie down? You’ll feel better in the morning.” He always did — it was the twilight hours, the darkness of night that always set Sonny off. He’d be better off living somewhere where the night was short, and the days long.

But for now, getting him to bed and finding the sedatives that always seemed to calm him would have to be enough.

Jason settled Sonny in his room, made sure he slipped the pills into the water he gave Sonny. Watched him drink it. When Jason was sure, he left and went down the hallway to Michael’s bedroom.

The bed was against one wall, and he found Michael curled up in the corner, his knees drawn up to his chest, his little head buried against his thighs. “Hey, buddy,” Jason said, closing the door and heading over to the bed.

Michael’s head popped up, and relief spread across his little face. “Uncle Jason!” He launched himself into Jason’s arms, and he held on tight. “They were screaming and yelling and Mommy cried, then something broke, and I got scared so I stayed in here just like you told me to—”

Jason rubbed his back, letting the little boy ramble out all his worries in a stream of conscious. “You did good, Michael. I’m sorry you were scared. I’m trying really hard to stop that it from happening again.”

“I knew you’d come and you’d fix everything.” Michael sniffled. “You always do. You found Mommy and you brought her home. She’s so sad all the time, Uncle Jason. Can’t you fix that?”

“I’m trying.” Jason stood and Michael wrapped his legs around Jason’s waist, and he walked him around the room, hoping the movement would soothe him,  almost the way he’d done when he was just a baby. This room had been Michael’s nursery when he’d been Jason’s…responsibility. His mind skittered away from the reminder that this boy had been his son. He knew that wasn’t true — but it was hard to stop loving him that way. To stop wishing he could wrap Michael in cotton so that the world would stop hurting him.

“I love you, Uncle Jason. Can I come live with you?”

Jason sighed, then sat back on the bed, Michael still in his lap. “We talked about this,” he told Michael. “You live here with your mom and your dad. I’m across the hall and I’ll always be there if you need me.”

“You went away for a while,” Michael said with a sniffle. “I ‘member you coming home and Mommy was so happy. We were all happy.”

“I know.”

“I just wanna be happy again.”

“I’m working on it. I promise.”

“I know. You never break your promises. You always keep them. So I know you’ll make this all okay.”

“It’s almost eight,” Jason said, and Michael made a face. “Isn’t that bedtime?”

“I don’t want it to be,” the child said glumly, but he half-crawled, half-scooted towards the headboard and slid under his brightly covered comforter. “Will you read to me?”

“Sure. Whatever you want.” Jason reached for the book on the nightstand. “Where am I starting? What chapter?”

Michael laid down. “We finished three. With all the letters, remember?”

“I do now.” Jason flipped to the right page and began to read. “BOOM. They knocked again…”

He only made it a few pages into the chapter before Michael’s eyes closed, and Jason carefully closed it, marking his page and setting it on the table. He didn’t read to Michael every night—it was usually Carly—but lately, it felt like he was here more often than not. And that wasn’t a good thing, he knew. It wasn’t healthy for him to still be protecting and loving Michael the same as a father would.

But Michael didn’t deserve the world he was living in, so Jason had to step in. To make sure that whatever Sonny and Carly were dealing with didn’t ripple out and hurt Michael.

Because no matter how wrong, no matter how unhealthy, Michael would always be a little bit his.

He switched on Michael’s night light, then flipped the switch on the larger light by the door. He headed for the stairs, and found Courtney over by the minibar with a broom and dust pan in her hand.

“Let me do that,” he told her, hurrying forward. “There’s glass—”

“I can do it,” Courtney said, but there was no heat in her voice, just exhaustion. “I cleaned up worse at Kelly’s. Carly went upstairs about five minutes ago. Guest room,” she added. “She’s not up to talking about what happened. Just cried and cried—” She dumped the tray filled with glass shards into a trash can. “He’s making her feel guilty for not fighting Alcazar harder. For wearing the clothes he gave her, eating the food, walking around his house without shackles—”

“I know.” Jason folded his arms, leaned against the sofa. “He always seems to understand when we talk about it, but—”

“He forgets when they’re alone. It’s awful, you know, what’s going on. It’s like—” Courtney made a face. “He’s my brother, and I love him because I want to love him. But sometimes I don’t know if I really do. If it’s just a choice I’ve made because I don’t have any other family.” She swept the last few pieces into the dust pan. “How’s Michael?”

“Upset. Just like always. I calmed him down, read to him. Sonny took a sedative, so they’ll be good until morning.”

She nodded. “Until it starts again tomorrow. Or the day after.” She looks at him. “What’s the end game, Jason? Do we keep cleaning up after them? Patching them up until the next time? Because there’s always a next time. I’m so tired, and it’s only been a few months. I know you’ve been doing it for years.”

“It wasn’t always this bad. It’s never been this bad, actually,” Jason said. “I don’t know what they were like when I didn’t live here. It’s…” He squinted. “It’s the baby, I think. They lost the first one, and Sonny — I think the kidnapping brought back what happened to Lily.”

“Another pregnant wife he couldn’t protect. I get it, and I’m sympathetic but—Carly’s my best friend. I don’t know how—” Courtney said with a half smile. “But she is, and this is killing her. She’s been through enough.”

“I know.”

When she’d finished cleaning up the remains of the bourbon bottle, Jason disposed of the glass in the trash can and they headed across the hall. He closed the door behind him, and flipped the deadbolts.

He turned and found her looking at him. And it came rushing back — the argument they’d been having before Max’s call. The night before. The conversation at Elizabeth’s studio.  And now that the storm had passed—

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to you,” Courtney said finally. “I don’t know why I should have to argue for myself — I’ve been here for almost a year. Ten months since that night at my apartment.” Her eyes searched his. “I know you and Elizabeth have a history. Maybe it’s worse because you never really got started, and you’ll always wonder what if. I—I do get that. Sometimes I think about AJ, you know? What if I’d forgiven him? What if he hadn’t been so scared I’d leave him that he tried to trick me into staying—” She looked away. “I understand about the what ifs and the way your mind plays tricks on you.”

“I never wanted to hurt you,” Jason said. “Or lie to you. But—”

“You lied when you said you weren’t in love with her. I knew it when you said. I don’t know if you did.” She met his eyes. “We have a life, Jason. We have a family. You and me. Sonny and Carly, and Michael. This new baby. We’re a family, and we were happy before this summer. Weren’t we? Did I imagine that?”

“No. No.” He stepped towards her. “You didn’t. But—”

“But you have a history with Elizabeth. We have one now, too. I’m not asking you to…I’m not asking you to forget that,” Courtney said. “I couldn’t. It wouldn’t be fair. I’m just asking you not to throw away everything we have. We work, you and me. We’ve been working for months and months. I don’t understand why that doesn’t get to count. You and Elizabeth — did that ever work for more than a few moments? A few days?”

“No,” Jason said, then looked away. “No,” he repeated. Elizabeth had said as much, hadn’t she? When it was just them — it was magic. But that wasn’t real life. And maybe it hurt more because they’d both held on to a dream that had already ended. Maybe she was right. Maybe they were meant to hold on it. Was love supposed to be that painful, that difficult?

He did have a life with Courtney, and it did work. They’d been happy. He loved her. He’d asked her to marry him, to share a life. And maybe she was right. Maybe he’d drifted back towards Elizabeth because everything had been so chaotic in the wake of Carly’s rescue. Maybe he’d wanted that quiet peace that he only ever found with Elizabeth, sitting in a room with her, and listening to her talk.

But maybe she was an escape he wasn’t supposed to need anymore. Hadn’t she said that once to him? With Lucky home, she shouldn’t have needed an escape. He hadn’t really understood what she’d meant then. But now—looking at Courtney, he almost did.

“You’re really quiet. Are you thinking—” she folded her arms. “You’re thinking of ways to explain to me why you’re leaving.”

“No,” Jason said, softly. He came forward, took her in his arms. “No, I’m not. I did what I did, and I’m sorry it hurt you. It wasn’t about having children. There are other ways to make that happen. You’re right. We have a history, too. And you don’t deserve for me to throw it away like it doesn’t matter. Like you don’t matter.”

Her lips trembled, parted as if she wanted to say something, then she closed them. “So you’re—you’re not leaving me for her.”

“No. I’m not.” But even as he spoke the words, even as he saw the smile on her face, they felt wrong. They weren’t — it was the right choice, he knew that. He and Courtney had a relationship that worked, and he loved her enough to try to make this work.

It was just — he knew he loved Elizabeth, too. But when he’d opened his mouth to tell Courtney that he wanted to be with Elizabeth, he couldn’t say the words. Because what if it always ended the way it did with Elizabeth — with her walking away?

“I’m not going anywhere,” Jason said, and her smile was a little more genuine, but instead of making him feel better — he just felt worse.

Was this how Elizabeth felt every time she’d walked away and went back to Lucky? Was he making the same mistake she had? Staying because he thought he should and not because he wanted to?

He thought maybe he was, and for the first time, he understood that some mistakes needed to be made. And he was making this one—for better or for worse.

don’t hate me <3 i love you. we’re going on a journey my lovelys. trust the process. 

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