Santa, can you hear me?
I have been so good this year
And all I want is one thing
Tell me my true love is near
He’s all I want, just for me
Underneath my Christmas tree
I’ll be waiting here
Santa, that’s my only wish this year
– My Only Wish (This Year), Britney Spears

---

Friday, December 22, 2006

The Cellar: Office

Carly smiled and rose from her desk at the sight of Jason at her office door. “Hey, you. I wasn’t expecting to see you today.” She came around the desk as Jason closed the door. “What brings you by?”

“I, uh, had a question for you.” Jason scratched the edge of his brow. “You talked to Elizabeth yesterday. About Sonny.”

Carly hesitated, then nodded. “Yeah. I did. And I was right to. I had a feeling you didn’t tell her about the message we got from the prison the other day.” She folded her arms. “And let me guess, you’re not thrilled that I did.”

Jason glanced at the ceiling, muttered something under his breath. “No. But I can’t be annoyed at you because you don’t know what’s going on.”

She bristled. “I think I know you pretty well—”

“We weren’t telling anyone until Sunday,” Jason cut in, and Carly closed her mouth, perplexed. “But those tests results I missed—”

Carly jolted, her eyes widening. “Oh, I didn’t even think—oh, God, they came back bad, didn’t they—”

“It’s not CTEPH,” Jason said, once again cutting her off. “But we were waiting until Christmas Eve to tell everyone she was pregnant. Then Monica found a clot the other day. A small one in her lungs.” He shoved his hands in the pockets of his jacket. “She’s checking in the day after Christmas to have a procedure. We don’t think it’s serious, but I just—” He broke off, looked away.

“I’m not exactly sure where to start with that,” Carly said. She rubbed the back of her neck. “Um, congratulations and I’m sorry? Does that cover it?”

“Basically,” Jason muttered. Restless, he paced the length of the room. “I just don’t see the point in dragging all of this out. Sonny doesn’t want to see us. Fine.”

“Jason, the only reason they called me is they thought I requested another visit. Which I didn’t. You did. You were planning to go up there after New Year’s. Which prompted Sonny to remove us both from the list.” Carly tipped her head. “So yeah, I talked to Elizabeth. She didn’t know any of this. And don’t think you’re going to distract me with news about her health. Three years ago, that wouldn’t have stopped you from being honest with her. You just didn’t want to tell her about any of this.”

“Because—”

“It doesn’t matter,” she finished, and he scowled at her. “What, you don’t think I can finish your sentences after all these years? Jason, if it didn’t matter, then why didn’t you just tell her?”

“That doesn’t make any sense. All I came to do was tell you what’s happening so you know to leave Elizabeth out of it—”

“It wasn’t so long ago that I’d have been happy leaving Elizabeth out of everything,” Carly said. She sat back at her desk, leaned back to consider Jason. “There was a time when I resented her for her relationship with you. Because you and I had to work at being friends. And sometimes, you still don’t really see me that way—”

“Carly—”

“Our past always hung between us, especially after what I did to you with Michael,” she said softly, and he sighed, but he didn’t deny it. “Then what happened with Sonny. When I think back, Jason, I was always the one talking, and you were always listening. And that’s still true. But that’s not the dynamic you and Elizabeth have. You talk to her.” She tipped her head. “Am I wrong?”

Jason was quiet for a long moment, didn’t meet her eyes. “No.”

“I could sense it all the way back then, Jason. And it’s why I hated her for so long. And it’s why she and I will never be close,” Carly continued. “We respect each other. We even like each other now, I think. And she’s part of my family. But I still resent her for being the friend to you I couldn’t be.”

Jason reached for the chair by the desk, sat down. “Carly—” Then he fell silent, unsure what to say next.

“You don’t tell me things because it’s your nature to hold things close. But when you don’t tell Elizabeth? It’s because you don’t want to think about it. You don’t want to acknowledge it. So, I took a wild guess yesterday, and I called her. And you’re pissed at me because now you can’t keep ignoring it.” She lifted her brows. “And I’m not sorry I did it. I’d do it again, too, and if Elizabeth knew you were in here, using her health as an excuse to keep her in the dark? She’d kick your ass. And I’d help her do it.”

Jason dragged his hands down his face, took a deep breath. “When I got the message that we couldn’t go back, that Sonny was blocking us from visiting at all, I was…” He trailed off, stared at his hands.

“Relieved,” she said softly.

“Yeah.”

“Me, too. After I was done with the panic attack,” Carly added with a wrinkle of her nose. “They told me I couldn’t see him, and there was a wave of relief that washed over me—and I immediately started to lose it. Because what kind of person does that make me? I’m terrible. I took vows to love him, Jason. To honor him. For better or worse, in sickness and in health. And I broke them.”

“Carly, hey—”

“I know he broke them, too, okay? I know it.” Carly brushed away a tear, her voice breaking. “But I know if we’d been more open when he came home from Ferncliffe, if maybe I hadn’t pushed him with divorce and rescinding the adoption, and if you’d given him something in the business, he wouldn’t have felt so damn alone. He wouldn’t have gone to the PCPD without a lawyer. He wouldn’t have confessed.”

Jason didn’t say anything, just kept staring at his hands. Carly continued, “Sonny was my husband, and I loved him. And now, I’m relieved that I don’t have to see him again. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to accept that it’s not my fault where he ended up. He was keeping it together until that night in December. If I had stayed—”

“I never would have let you stay after what he did,” Jason broke in roughly, jerking his head up. “It was the breaking point, but I didn’t know it. I couldn’t see it. Everyone wanted me to do something, and I didn’t. I couldn’t. I kept pushing it away, thinking he’d snap out of it. He always snapped out of it.”

“I know.” Carly smiled through her tears. “I know it. But Jason, he did snap out of it. He woke up the next morning, and he was lucid. And what he’d done? It didn’t horrify him. He was lucid when he demanded you apologize for choking him. Do you remember that? He expected you to beg forgiveness for doing that to him because we didn’t know he was sick. And how furious he was when you refused. Do you regret that now?”

“No. No, I don’t.” Jason exhaled slowly. “After that day, I did what was right. That’s what makes it so hard to go see him. But why I do it. I could have stopped it earlier.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. We’ll never know for sure. But what I do know is that we have to forgive ourselves. You know? We have to.”

“I don’t know if I can,” he said. He met her eyes. “Can you?”

“I’m working on it.”

Brooklyn, New York: Bensonhurst

“Isn’t strange how a place can change so much when you’re gone for a few years?” Olivia murmured as Dante eased the car to a stop at a traffic light on 18th Avenue and Bay Ridge Parkway. “There are more Chinese restaurants than I remember.”

“Last time I talked to Nunzio Abatangelo,” Dante said, “he said the same thing.”

“Probably with more profanity,” Olivia said, almost absently. “He never did like anyone who wasn’t Sicilian. You know, I thought I’d miss the old neighborhood more, but I really don’t.” She glanced over at him. “What about you?”

“I always thought I’d end up back here. I only went upstate to make detective faster.” Dante tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. “I figured I’d get the years, take the exam, then come home. Marry a nice girl. Grandma was always picking them out for me. Have a lot of kids. Grow old on the street where I grew up.” He exhaled slowly. “Then Vinnie happened. And I couldn’t think of home without thinking of him.”

“It’s easier in Port Charles to move on from it. I don’t know if I could if Frankie or Frannie were always in my face.” Olivia smiled faintly. “Promise me you won’t name your kids Francis and Francesca.”

“If I have them.” The light turned green, and Dante continued heading south. He could feel his mother’s eyes on him. “It’s…Lu doesn’t want kids. At least she doesn’t think so.”

“Is that why you broke up?”

“We’re…we didn’t. All the way yet. We’re just taking a break. And yeah, because I wanted to move in together, and she thought maybe I was thinking about buying her a ring. I was,” Dante admitted. “Three years, Ma. It should be enough time, you know?”

“More than enough, if you ask me, but what do I know? I got knocked up at fifteen.” Olivia exhaled slowly. “You changing your mind? So you can make things work?”

“Just…tossing the idea around in my head.” He turned on 21st Avenue. “Thinking maybe I don’t need to have it all. I could be an uncle. Or maybe I could do that Big Brother thing—”

“Dante.”

“I know. I know. It’s not going to work. Just saying it out loud feels stupid,” he admitted. He pulled the car to a stop outside the Falconieri house. “It’s just…when all this went down with Grandma. With Vinnie, and then the papers finding out about Sonny—Lu was the one who got me through it.”

“I know she was, honey.”

“She was the only good thing in my life for months. I don’t get how two people can love each other the way we do and not want the same things.” Dante grimaced. “But you know, I’m twenty-five. Maybe that feels young to some people, but I don’t wanna wait ten more years to have a family. I wanna do it when I’m young.”

“Well, you know, I’m not in any hurry to be a grandmother—” Olivia smiled when he just looked at her. “That’s a lie. I’d love it, I would. It’s hard, honey, and I’m sorry. Maybe Lu will want kids in ten years. Five years. But you don’t gotta wait around to find out, you know? There’s someone out there who wants to have a family sooner. And Lu’s not wrong. Maybe she won’t ever want kids. Do you wanna be forty finding out that? Or worse, maybe she has a kid to make you happy. And hates the hell out of it.”

“I’d hate that.” Dante sighed. “Yeah, I know, Ma. I just…I gotta tell her it’s over. I figure she already knows it. We both do. But we gotta say it.”

She squeezed his arm. “But not today. Let’s go inside. Get this over with.”

Kelly’s: Dining Room

Bobbie beamed as she took Cameron from Elizabeth’s arms, hugged him tight, then set him into his booster seat. “There’s my baby.”

“Mommy say I big boy.” Cameron smiled sweetly at Bobbie, his honorary grandmother. “Gammy hi.”

“You’ll always be my baby, but yes, you’re growing up.” Bobbie turned to Elizabeth who had settled into her own seat. “And I love having both my favorite Morgans treating me to lunch. What’s the occasion?”

“Can’t I want lunch with my favorite Spencer?” Elizabeth asked, plucking a sippy cup from the tote bag she carried for Cameron, along with a coloring book and a small container of crayons.

“You can, of course. You know that.” Bobbie squeezed her hand. “But I recognized the tone of your voice on the phone.”

Elizabeth wrinkled her nose, picked up a straw and played with the end of the wrapper. “You know me too well. I don’t know if Jason’s telling Carly ahead of Sunday, when we tell everyone, but Monica knows—”

“You’re pregnant,” Bobbie guessed, and Elizabeth broke off, surprised. “I thought you had that look. That’s wonderful! How far along?”

“Um, sixteen weeks. I waited through the first trimester to be sure. I knew everyone would have a lot of questions, and they’d ask about my health, and I just…” Elizabeth sighed. “I just didn’t want it. Monica knew because she’s my doctor, but—”

“No, I understand completely, honey. And of course, I do have a thousand questions, but I won’t ask a single one—” Bobbie held up her hands. “Scout’s Honor. I’m sorry I guessed it before you could tell me—”

“Oh, oh, well, that’s fine. It’s awkward saying it out loud, which is weird, I guess. It shouldn’t be. I think because I never really got to do it the first time.” Elizabeth looked at her son, carefully using his blue crayon. He was good at staying in the lines — one of the few ways he was outpacing other kids his age. “But we planned it this time. Well, I did,” she said with a wrinkle of her nose. “It was my idea. And Jason never said no.”

“Does he ever?” Bobbie asked dryly, and Elizabeth smiled faintly. “Well, that means you were hoping for a positive test. So, I’m glad it was a happy moment.”

“It was. And it is. It is,” Elizabeth repeated. “Everything has been great. I feel great, you know. A little tired, but nothing like before. It’s just, um, there’s this one thing. Monica found a small clot in my lungs a few days ago.”

Bobbie stilled, the smile fading from her lips. “What?”

“I, um, have to check in after Christmas for a procedure to take care of it. That’s why I wanted to tell you ahead of time. I was hoping you and Monica might tell anyone else who needs to know about the medical part. I just…on Christmas, I just want to tell people about the baby and have them be happy for us. I don’t want anyone to worry, you know? Because I’m not worried. And neither is Monica,” Elizabeth explained in a rush. “So don’t…worry, that is.”

“If Monica isn’t worried,” Bobbie said slowly, “then I suppose I won’t be either. She guided you through the last time, and you were the first case of CTEPH in the country to survive a diagnosis and have a child survive past a week. You’re a miracle, and so is Cameron. So, if you’re telling me not to worry, I’ll believe you.”

“A miracle,” Elizabeth murmured, looking at her son. Cameron looked up, grinned at her, his blue eyes visible behind his glasses. Jason’s eyes. Lila’s eyes. Her perfect child who had survived against all the odds. She took a deep breath, and Bobbie reached for her hand.

“Honey?”

“Sorry. Sorry. Sometimes I forget, you know? You have to forget or women would never go through pregnancy more than once,” Elizabeth said. “And, oh, God, I’m sorry, Bobbie—”

“It’s all right, sweetheart.” Bobbie smiled at her. “You don’t have to worry for my sake. I wanted more babies. To make up for the one I’d given away. But being pregnant, giving birth—that’s not what makes you a mother. I had my BJ, and I have Lucas. Carly came back to me. And, now of course, I have you.” She used her thumb to brush away a tear that slid down Elizabeth’s cheek. “It was a miracle. You and Cameron. I won’t ever forget that.”

“I don’t want a miracle this time,” Elizabeth said. “I know that sounds insane, but I don’t want it. I just want a normal pregnancy. With cravings and leg cramps, and going into labor, and holding my baby a few minutes after delivery…and I don’t want to go anywhere near the NICU. I don’t want a miracle.”

“Of course not. We can be grateful to everyone who made Cameron possible, but that doesn’t mean I ever want to go near that part of the hospital again. I don’t want any of my family to do that. You said Monica’s not worried? And Jason’s not hovering, trying to take your vitals every five seconds, so he’s not either.”

“I had a panic attack the other night. At the department store. I lost my breath for a minute.” Elizabeth sighed. “But other than that, I don’t even feel a difference. So, yeah. I’m not worried. I’m trying not to be. And I know Jason’s trying not to, either. It’s hard.”

“I know. But you’ll get this cleared up, and we’ll put it behind us and enjoy what’s to come. Sixteen weeks, huh? So you must know what you’re having. Are we decorating in pinks or blues?”

“We found out last month.” And now Elizabeth’s smile bloomed. “We’re having another little boy. Cam’s getting a little brother.”

“Oh! Oh! You’re going to be outnumbered! I love this.” Bobbie clapped her hands together. “Cameron’s going to be the best big brother. Are you excited, Cam?”

Cam looked up at the sound of his name and realized he was being addressed. “I bestest,” he said with a nod. He pressed a hand to his chest. “Big brother.”

“That’s right,” Elizabeth murmured, ruffling his dark blond hair. “The best big brother of all the brothers.”

Spencer House: Living Room

“Kelsey!” Laura Spencer drew her daughter-in-law into a warm hug, then stepped back. “Come in, come in. It’s such a surprise to see you here in the middle of the day!”

“Sorry to just show up without warning like this.” Kelsey forced a smile, keeping her hands in the pockets of her coat. “Lucky said you were working from home today, so I took a chance.”

“Of course. Come into the kitchen, I’ll put on some coffee—”

“Oh, I’m not—I can’t stay. Today’s the last day before the holidays, and I have a few things I have to do.” She fisted her hands inside the pockets. “Um, so you know Lucky went down to New York, right? For the funeral. They’ll be back tomorrow.”

“Yes. Lucky said a few of them were able to get away. It’s such a shame Dante was never able to find peace with his grandmother.” Laura shook her head. “I’ll never understand how she was able to live with herself, knowing she chose that monster over such a wonderful boy.”

“Yeah, it’s…it’s really terrible.” Kelsey bit her lip. “I’m, um, going to my mother’s this year. To Buffalo. So I won’t be here on Christmas Eve.”

Laura looked at her so long that Kelsey dropped her eyes. “What does that have to do with Lucky going to New York? Was that a deal you made? He went to the city, so…” Her mother-in-law squinted. “So you’re going to your mother’s? Or was it a fight? I don’t understand.”

“No. No. I’m leaving tonight,” Kelsey said. “To go to Buffalo. I was going to leave him a note—but that didn’t seem right, so I thought, well you could give him the message—”

“Or you could,” Laura said gently. She took Kelsey by the arm. “Come in. Let’s talk.”

“I can’t stay—”

“If you want me to tell my son his wife is leaving him, then you’ll stay,” Laura said, her tone firm but kind. “It’s not the kind of thing I’ll agree to do standing by my front door. Take off your coat and let’s talk.”

With a heavy sigh, Kelsey let Laura take her coat and followed her to sit on the sofa by the fireplace. “I’m not leaving him. I’m just—you know, even though they solved my dad’s case, Mom still doesn’t like coming to Port Charles, so—”

“I understand, and I’m sorry for her, I am. You and Lucky resolved that by alternating holidays. This is our turn, isn’t it?” Laura tipped her head. “And you usually don’t go until Christmas Eve, not a few days earl, so I really don’t think this is just about visiting your mother.”

Kelsey stared at her hands. “You know what happened this summer.”

“I do. And I know the due date is coming up. It must be a hard time for you both. Luke said Lucky’s been pulling a lot of shifts lately. And here you are, planning your escape. Kelsey—”

“We weren’t planning kids yet. Um, it was an accident, I guess. We said we wanted them,” Kelsey said, her words halting. “But it was always…some day in the future. When I was more settled at work, when he’d taken the detective’s exam and had a better schedule. But then I was pregnant, and we were excited. And then we weren’t.” She glanced at her mother-in-law, then back at her hands. “I can’t go through that again. You don’t know what it’s like.”

“No, I don’t. I’m so sorry, honey.” Laura reached for one of her hands, pulled it into her lap, forcing Kelsey to look at her. “Have you spoken to Lucky?”

“N-no. I don’t know how to say it to him. He wants kids. A-and when it happened, we were both upset. But a few months ago, he started talking about trying again, and then we found this ornament, and I wanted to throw it away, but he wanted to keep it, and we just had a terrible argument—” Her breathing came fast, and Kelsey squeezed her eyes shut. “I can’t go through it again. I don’t want to go through it again.”

“Ever?” Laura asked delicately, and Kelsey looked at her. “Is that what you’re afraid to tell Lucky? That you don’t want kids at all now?”

“No. No. That’s not—” Kelsey bit her lips. “No,” she repeated, quietly. “Not never. Just…not now. And maybe for a little while. A year or two. Or something. It’s just…it’s too soon. And I don’t want to disappoint him. He was so happy, Laura. You know? And I love him so much, and I don’t want to make him sad or wait for something he wants—”

“Isn’t life strange?” Laura said, with a smile, and Kelsey broke off, bewildered. “Lulu was just here the other day, and we were having a similar conversation. She and Dante are sort of at the same place you and Lucky are. Except Lu doesn’t ever want kids. And Dante does.”

“I know. Lucky said something about them fighting. Maybe it’s why he brought it up with me. Babies on the mind, I guess.” Kelsey swiped at her eyes. “What did you tell her?”

“I told her that loving someone means wanting the best for them. Wanting them to be happy, even if it means not being with them. Dante and Lulu are worlds apart on this, and I don’t see how you can meet in the middle on something like this. I really don’t. Which is what I told her. But she went to New York all the same because she loves him.” Laura patted Kelsey’s hand. “You’re scared right now, and you don’t want to go through any of it again. I want you to think about my son. Think about why you love him. And ask yourself, do you really think he’ll be disappointed or angry if you want to wait a little longer to have the kids you both say you want?”

Kelsey huffed. “Well, when you put it that way, it sounds stupid, doesn’t it?” she muttered.

“It does,” Laura agreed with a wide smile. “But it’s all right, honey. You couldn’t say it out loud before, and you came to me because I think you knew I’d never agree to tell Lucky you were going to Buffalo.”

“Yeah, I guess that was a terrible idea.” Kelsey sighed. “Thank you.”

“Promise me, you’ll talk to Lucky when he gets home tomorrow,” Laura said. “You’ll feel so much better.”

“Yeah. Yeah, okay.” Kelsey nodded. “I’ll talk to him.”

Bensonhurst: St. Mary Mother of Jesus Roman Catholic Church

He didn’t sit with his mother or the rest of the Falconieri family. His mother had argued with him, but one look from Uncle Frankie at the house, Dante knew there’d be nothing but misery if he forced himself into the front pew.

He sat a few rows behind them, watching his mother sit isolated at the end, sick to his stomach as his Aunt Frannie, who regularly visited Vinnie in prison and was still petitioning for his release the last he heard, was sobbing loudly, clutching at his uncle. Frannie, who had never believed for a minute what her son had done, was in the inner circle while his mother was treated like garbage.

Maybe he’d wondered a little if the angry emotions had faded in the years since Vinnie had landed in a state prison — if maybe there was a chance Dante could come home one day and have the future he’d wanted.

But today proved that wasn’t possible. Home wasn’t Bensonhurst anymore, and it never would be again.

At the end of the service, as the family filed out, Dante stood and joined his mother, taking her hand as she lagged behind. She smiled at him, wound her arm through his. “It’s okay, baby.”

Dante opened his mouth to respond, but then his eye caught a familiar face. More than one. Lucky was in the last row of the church, and by his side were Maxie, Lulu, and Cruz. Dante swallowed hard. They’d come all this way for him. Even Lu.

“Yeah, I know, Ma. We’re gonna be all right.” He squeezed his mother’s hand, then looked back at his friends, hoping the gratitude showed in his eyes. Why would he ever want to come back here when the best people he knew were in Port Charles?

Brownstone: Carly’s Apartment

“I can’t think of anything we missed,” Carly said, scanning the list in her hand. “What about you?”

AJ scratched off the item they’d just wrapped — a set of Legos for Morgan — then shook his head. “No, I think we’re good. Which is a relief because I don’t want to go anywhere near the stores again. Or the mall.”

“I don’t really mind,” Carly admitted, picking up a small stack of gifts from the dining table. “Come on, we can hide the last of these in my room. Lucas isn’t sending the boys back over for another half hour.”

“I’ll get the big ones.”

They hid the stack of gifts in Carly’s closet and under her bed — and it was a good thing they were done, she thought. They’d run out of every available space. Kneeling next to her bed, she sat back on her heels. “I definitely need to move somewhere bigger. Or I need to stop buying so much.”

“Bigger place is probably the answer,” AJ said, holding out a hand. “Because if you don’t go overboard, how do I justify doing it?” He tugged Carly to her feet, and she stumbled into him. He set his hands at her hips to steady her. Startled, her eyes flew to his and they both jerked away. “Sorry. Uh, we better clean up the wrapping paper.”

“Right. Right.” Her mother’s voice was in her ear, Carly thought with irritation. And that stupid conversation from the other day when she’d wondered what life would have been like if she’d given her marriage a real chance all those years ago.

Once the holidays and Michael’s birthday were over, they could go back to not seeing each other that much, she thought. Michael’s overnight visits, and the occasional daylight hand off. That’s all they really needed. She needed a break from all this holiday stuff, where it was too easy to pretend they were a family.

“That can all go in the hall closet,” Carly said when they went back to the front of the apartment. “The wrapping paper, I mean. I’ll take the tape and scissors.”

“Yeah. Sure.” AJ picked up one of the half-used tubes, then paused. “I was thinking about Christmas. About having Michael.”

“I mentioned it to him,” Carly said almost absently. “He was excited to see you in the morning. So I’m glad you asked—”

“I was going to ask if maybe I could stay at Bobbie’s and we could do Christmas here.”

Carly dropped the tape in the junk drawer in the kitchen, then looked up at him. “What?”

“I don’t care where I see Michael,” AJ said. “And I don’t want him to miss Morgan. So maybe I could take the guest room. I’d suggest the sofa here, but that would, uh, interfere with Santa, you know?”

“That’s…You don’t have to do that. You should have him on Christmas like you wanted. Morgan—he’ll be fine. We’ll have Lucas and Felix, and Mama here. Plus, Lucas’s friends will be in and out all day. Morgan will have a lot of people around.”

“But not like having his brother. We don’t know how long Michael will believe in Santa. I don’t want him to miss out being with Morgan while he still does.”

She bit her lip, nodded. “Okay. Yeah, um, I know Mama won’t mind. She’ll be happy to let you grab a room.” She met his eyes. “Thank you. I really—I want Michael and Morgan to have each other. To be close. The way I never was with anyone.”

“You have Lucas now,” AJ pointed out, and Carly smiled thinly, digging into the drawer for her takeout menus.

“Someone else who just felt sorry for me and the kids, sure. I’m ordering some Chinese food for dinner if you’re interested, or if not, that’s okay.”

“Carly—” AJ looked like he was going to say something else, but when she looked at him, he just shook his head. “Never mind. Chinese food sounds great. Thanks.”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Christmas music was playing when Jason opened the door that evening—just like almost every night for the last two months. He would be almost relieved after the holiday were over, he thought, dropping his keys on the desk, then hanging up his jacket — along with the ones Elizabeth had left on the desk chair—some things would never change.

“We’re in here!” Elizabeth’s voice rose over the music, and he followed it towards the kitchen where she stood in a rare position — in front of the stove.

Cameron sat at the table, coloring. A blue crayon was clutched in his hand and he was crouched over one of his mother’s sketchpads.

“Hey.” Jason slid his arm around Elizabeth’s waist, kissed her temple. “Isn’t Friday usually Thai food?”

“Usually, but I walked past Mama Mangione’s after I finished lunch, and I had a craving for pasta in red sauce.” She brought a spoon up. “Taste this.”

“It’s—good,” Jason admitted.

“I should be insulted by the surprise in your voice,” Elizabeth muttered. “But I still remember how my first attempt at tomato sauce tasted. I still don’t know how all that salt got in there.”

Jason kissed her temple again, then sat at the table. “Hey, Cam.”

“Hi Daddy. I busy. Talk later.” The toddler didn’t even bother to look up, which made Jason frown. It wasn’t like Cameron to get so absorbed in something — though he’d been doing it more lately, he thought. The Christmas movies, for one thing. Maybe that was a good thing. His attention span was expanding.

“He’s been like that since we got home.” Elizabeth turned the sauce down to simmer and took a seat at the table. “Are you done, um, work for the holidays yet or—”

“Most of the warehouse is shut down after today, but I have one shipment to deal with tomorrow. I’ll be home for dinner,” he promised. He hesitated. “I, uh, told Carly today. About the baby. It came up,” he said, looking away at the last minute.

“Oh, well, I talked to Bobbie, so I guess we both had the same idea.” She frowned. “You okay? You seem a little distracted.”

“I’m—” He sat back, watched Cameron for another long moment. “Sorry. About last night.” He met her eyes, then looked away again. “What I said about writing people off easily. I know you don’t do that.”

“You didn’t mean it. It’s fine—”

“It’s—” Jason leaned forward, folded his arms on the table. “I was irritated with Carly today. Because she told you. That’s why I told her about the baby. I thought she’d leave it alone if she knew…”

“If she knew I was pregnant and had a blood clot?” Elizabeth raised her brows. “I’m sure she loved that.”

“She knew I was just trying to distract her. Guilt her into keeping you out of it. Which only pissed her off, so—” Jason sighed, finally looking up again. “You were right. I was relieved and felt guilty about it. And I know there’s no reason to be guilty, but—” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know how to stop. Sonny was like a brother to me. And I know it’s not that simple. I know I didn’t just abandon him overnight, but sometimes it feels like I did.”

“You were the last one off the ship, Jason, and if it hadn’t been for me and Cameron and the situation we were in? You’d have gone down with it.” She reached across the table, squeezed his hand. “Loyalty. That’s your best trait. And your fatal flaw. When Sonny confessed, you hired him a lawyer. And we went to his sentencing. You visited him in prison every few months for three years. The only reason you didn’t see him a few days ago is because he cut you out. What part of that is abandoning him?”

The corner of his mouth curved up, and he took her hand in his, his fingertips tracing her palm. “None of it, I guess. But I’ll always wonder if I could have done more.”

“We never did get that trial,” Elizabeth murmured. “Sometimes I wonder if I’d never talked about wanting Ric to rot in prison, if I’d never told you I thought it would help me to get past it all — would Carly have asked? Where would we be if I hadn’t said it? If you hadn’t promised it.”

“It doesn’t matter. You and Carly being okay — that was all I wanted,” Jason told her. “Once you told me it would help, and Carly agreed, I was going to make it happen. Sonny had a choice, Elizabeth. And he chose to let that be the first domino. But it’s not why the rest of it happened.”

“The first domino to fall is always the important one. I mostly let the guilt go, you know. I couldn’t have known where it would end up. But it’s a question I ask myself sometimes. It’s okay to feel relieved you don’t have to put yourself through it.” She rose, dropped a kiss on top of his head, and went back to the stove to start the pasta.

“Daddy, daddy—” Cameron slid the paper he’d been working on across the table, then slid off the chair to run over to him. Jason lifted his son into his lap. “I drawed you a picture.”

“Yeah?” Jason picked up the paper, saw the neatly colored collection of circles and the blue shade filling in a lot of the white space at the top.

“Yeah. I tell you. Like Mommy. I tell you.” He pointed at the first circle. “You. Then me. Mommy. Then new baby. And Teddy, the doggy Santa bring. Gammy Bobbie. Gammy Monca and Grampy Awan. Aunt Car and Uncle AJ and Mikey and Morgan. Family.” Cameron smiled brightly at him. “I tell you. You like my picture?”

“I love the picture. You did such a great job telling me all about it.” Jason set him on the floor. “Why don’t you go put it on the fridge?”

“Okay.”

When Cameron had dashed across the kitchen to pick out a magnet, Jason went to Elizabeth, brushed her hair off her shoulder. “I have an idea about the dog,” he murmured, and she looked at him. “Just let me handle everything.”

Where are you Christmas
Why can’t I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can’t I hear music play
– Where Are You Christmas?, Faith Hill

---

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Morgan Penthouse: Master Bathroom

“I did it.”

Jason paused, the toothbrush still in his mouth, catching the reflection of Elizabeth in the mirror, standing in the doorway of the bathroom stifling a yawn. She’d stolen one of his blue t-shirts to use as pajamas, even though the collar always slid down one shoulder. Her hair was still tangled from sleep and her eyes were barely open.

But she was awake at just past five-thirty in the morning. And she was grinning blearily, even as she swayed slightly from fatigue.

“I don’t know why you’re so proud of yourself,” Jason said, after rinsing the toothpaste from his mouth, switching off the faucet. He set his hands on her hips and lifted her onto the counter. “There’s literally no reason to be up this early.”

“Don’t take away my triumph—” Elizabeth wagged her finger in his face. He caught it in his hand and grinned. “It took years of preparation—”

“Is that what we’re calling the last two years of broken alarm clocks?” He grinned, then lifted her into his arms to carry her back into the bedroom, depositing her back in the bed. “Go back to sleep.”

Elizabeth sat up, grumbling. “I think you just like having an hour to yourself before I wake up and start nagging you—”

“You have never, not once in your life, nagged me,” Jason told her, sitting down. “But you’re sleeping for two now. And Cam won’t be up for a while. Enjoy your sleep while you can.”

“No, I’m awake now. Maybe later, though, if you’re free, we could take a nap when Cameron does.” Elizabeth wiggled her eyebrows, and he grinned. “Don’t look at me like that. I’m not the one who walks around here without a shirt on. What do you expect a girl to think about?”

“I’m not going to argue with that,” Jason said with a shake of his head, leaning in to kiss her. “But you’re always stealing my shirts to sleep in, so it’s your fault.”

“You’ve caught on to my diabolical plan.” Elizabeth’s fingers slid through his hair, then rested at his collarbone. “Do you ever think about how lucky we are?”

Jason’s brows drew together. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. You just hear about how some people get married and they lose interest. It starts to fade. Especially once they have kids. But I’ve never felt like that. Have you?”

A bit thrown by the topic, Jason leaned across her, planting one hand on the mattress by her hips, her knees brushing against his back. “No. I love you. That’s never changed—”

“No, I mean—oh, this is so stupid. Forget I said anything.” Elizabeth started to sit up, but Jason didn’t budge, trapping her against the headrest and pillows. “Jason—”

“You mean because you’re pregnant? Or—”

“No…” She bit her lip. “You know, I want to be a counselor. I’ve worked so hard to get there, but sometimes I feel like I hear things in the group sessions, and they just sit in my head. I was doing that couples therapy group for a while this fall, and I was just listening to these people who loved each other talk about how it fell apart. They stopped talking and listening to each other. And some of the husbands said they’d lost interest in their wives. Because the novelty was gone, and they realized this was the only woman they’d ever be with. And—” She made a face. “I told you, it was stupid. But it just popped in my head because I don’t know, we do pretty good in that area.”

“I always thought so,” Jason said carefully, unsure if that was the right thing to say.

“And it wasn’t just the guys. Some of the women said it, too. Like, it got boring.” Her eyes were wide. “And I thought, how am I supposed to feel sympathetic? How do I help them? Because I’m married, and I’ve been with you for over three years, and that’s never been an issue. And here we are at five-thirty in the morning, thinking about being together later, and we just were last night—”

“You know what I love about you?” Jason asked, and she broke off her ramblings to look at him with wide eyes. “You never run out of things to worry about.” He kissed the tip of her nose.

“Ugh, you’re making fun of me,” she muttered, slinking down in the bed. “I said it was stupid—”

“It’s not stupid. It’s not,” he said again when she just rolled her eyes. “How many people do we know who are on their second or third marriage?”

“I mean, technically—”

“Technically that doesn’t count, and we’re not bringing him into this,” Jason said, and she nodded. They didn’t often talk about Ric Lansing or the fact that Elizabeth had been married to him briefly, and of course, neither of them mentioned Jason’s insane brief first marriage to Brenda Barrett.

“I want you to talk to me about whatever pops in your head. And I want to be better at doing that, too. Talking to you when I worry,” Jason said. “I know I don’t do that enough. I’m better than I was—”

“I really didn’t mean to make this a whole thing—”

“You didn’t.” He picked up her left hand, sliding his fingers over the ruby engagement ring and matching gold wedding band, then brought her hand to his mouth. “I love you. And I’ll make sure I’m home at Cameron’s naptime.”

She grinned, then wound her arms around his neck. “You know, why wait? He won’t be up for a while, and you want me to stay in bed, don’t you?”

Brownstone: Kitchen

Bobbie set coffee down in front of Carly. “I’d miss mornings like this,” she admitted, taking a seat at the table with her own mug. “But you’re not wrong about outgrowing your apartment upstairs.”

“Truth be told, I’ve been thinking about it for over a year,” Carly said. “The second bedroom was already too small for both the boys when I moved up there, but I wanted to be on my own a little bit. To stop relying so much on you. And it didn’t work. I barely use my own kitchen. I drop the boys at school, and I come right here.”

“Why shouldn’t you? Lucas and Felix still raid my fridge. The fact that both my children still feel free to come and go like they’re not grown—well, it just means I’ve done something right.”

“I couldn’t have made it these last few years without you.” Carly squeezed her mother’s hand. “But I have to start thinking about the future. Sonny refusing to see Jason and me the other day — well, it’s time to stop feeling guilty. That’s the only reason I go, Mama. I feel guilty for enabling him. For going back to him after Morgan was born. You didn’t want me to go—”

“I understood why you did—”

“It set me back months. Years,” Carly said softly. “I’m still having panic attacks. I had one yesterday. AJ saw it,” she added. “And he feels sorry for me again.” She picked up her coffee, sipped it.

“Carly, why didn’t you say something? I would have—”

“It’s—I got past it. And I felt better after I went out. We took the boys to the movies and dinner.” She smiled thinly, staring down into her mug. “He was supposed to have Michael on his own last night, you know. And I found a way to stop it. I don’t think I did it on purpose, but—” She lifted a shoulder. “He says I still treat Michael like an object. He’s right.”

“Carly—”

“And I feel stupid admitting that—there I was congratulating myself on how far I’ve come, you know?” She swiped at a tear sliding down her cheek. “And then I go to the prison, and why did I pick Christmas as the holiday to go? It’s December. Of course I shouldn’t go anywhere near Sonny this month. Why did AJ have to point that out? Was I trying to punish myself? And don’t answer that,” Carly ordered. “You’ll just reassure me, and I’ll be making myself the victim again. I don’t want to do that. I don’t want anyone to keep looking at me like I’m still that idiot who got locked in a room by her husband.”

“You’re the only one doing that, Carly,” Bobbie said gently. “And yes, maybe AJ hasn’t demanded much in the way of custody. But I don’t think it’s so bad that Michael gets to spend so much time with both his parents. I think AJ’s matured a great deal since your divorce. You both have. Sometimes, I have to admit, I’ve wondered—never mind.” She picked up her coffee.

“What? What were you going to say?”

“Well, I’ve wondered if maybe AJ didn’t push on having Michael more to himself is that he liked being you and Michael, and Morgan, too. A family. You look like one sometimes,” Bobbie added.

“Mama, AJ could never forgive me enough for that. And I—” Had forgiven him a long time ago, Carly thought, for that terrible fall down the stairs that hadn’t been anything but a tragic accident brought on by two people too stubborn to let the other have the last word. “That’s never going to happen.”

“Hmmm, well,” Bobbie said with a shrug. “Never is a strong word, honey. I wouldn’t be throwing it around so much.”

“You’re a pain in the ass,” Carly muttered. “Anyway. After I got over my idiotic panic attack, I realized that it was time to stop going to prison. At least for me, it’s only ever been guilt and obligation. I’m sorry Sonny ended up where he did, but he had chances to make it different. He confessed to murder, Mama. I won’t pretend I didn’t know who he was before I married him, but I read the details of what he did to Oliver Joyce, and it didn’t—” She cleared her throat. “It’s not what I expected. The guy was just trying to protect Scott’s daughter. And he wanted to give Sonny a chance to get out. Sonny murdered him. I’ve been blaming myself for enabling him to the point that he got that  sick. That he snapped the way he did while I was kidnapped, or that night in December, or any of the times he screamed at Elizabeth—but I think I’ve atoned enough for that.”

“More than enough,” Bobbie insisted.

“And so has Jason. He won’t see it, but I need to make him. We’ll both be better off when we put Sonny in the past.”

Port Charles Police Department: Squad Room

Dante emerged from the interrogation room, still half-turned towards the inside of the room, watching a uniformed officer take the suspect out the other door. When he turned towards his desk and saw who was waiting for him, he thought about running in the opposite direction.

Which was not how he used to feel when he saw Lulu waiting for him. The last two months before they’d finally taken this break had been rocky. They’d done nothing but fight over every little thing — but now that Dante had decided that it was time to make the break final, he realized how much he wished there was another way.

He wished he wanted something else.

“Uh, hey.” Lulu rose from the chair, her smile hesitant as he approached. “Um, sorry for just showing up. But I had some time before I went to work, so I just…” Her smile faded. “But you’re busy, aren’t you? And is this a bad time?”

“It’s not. I just don’t know why you’re here.” Dante walked past her to his desk, set down the case folder. “What did you want?”

“I…Maxie told me about your grandmother. I’m so sorry, Dante—” Lulu reached out, as if to stroke his arm but he moved away at the last moment, leaving her hand in space. “Dante—”

“Why are you here?” he repeated. “To comfort me about my grandmother? I haven’t spoken to her in years, Lu.”

“I know, but you always get a little sad around this time of year because of everything that happened. I wish you’d called me or something,” she said, and his jaw clenched at this reminder of their history together. Of how he’d first noticed her. She’d just been the waitress at Kelly’s, his best friend’s younger sister. And then she’d been there when he’d prepared to testify against Vinnie, his own cousin. When he’d gone against his family. When his whole world had fallen apart. Lulu had been the one to keep him centered.

How could she not want a future with him? How could they be so perfect for each other and not want the same things?

“You wanted space, Lu. You don’t get to complain now that I’ve given it to you. I have a lot of work to do—”

Lulu pressed her lips together. “You’re punishing me again for not wanting kids, and that’s not fair! There’s nothing wrong with not wanting kids—”

“I didn’t say there was. I just—” Dante shook his head. “No. We’re not having this argument again. We’re not. I don’t have time. I have reports to file before I leave tomorrow. And before you go pry the information out of someone else, yeah, I’m driving down with my mother. Is that what you wanted to know?”

Her eyes shimmered with tears, and he looked away, knowing he was being too harsh. That he was too angry, too ticked off with her for not wanting what he did — it was all unfair, and he was being an asshole. He just didn’t know how to stop.

“Yeah,” she said faintly. “That’s all I wanted to know. Tell your mother I’m sorry for her. I’m sorry for you both.”

She walked away, and Dante nearly followed. But at the last minute he dropped down into his seat, put his head in his hands. If he followed now, he’d cave, and he’d push the question down the road again. Six months. A year. Just like last time. She’d say they were young, and they had all the time in the world ahead of them — why rush? And sure, that would be fine, Dante thought, if he thought another year might change things.

But it wouldn’t. It was never going to change. One of them was going to have to say it out loud to the other. Dante just wasn’t ready for it to be him.

General Hospital: Cafeteria

“Just think, this time next year,” Emily teased, “you and I could be grabbing lunch as colleagues, not just sisters-in-law.” She set her tray on the table across from Elizabeth. “Have you thought about Gail’s offer?”

“I did—and after Lois called me last week to talk about the project they’re trying to get funded…” Elizabeth twisted the top from the water she’d purchased. “I’m really interested. I think of so many people I’ve worked with in the support groups and at school, and even me — how we all would have been better off if there was just a place we could go to talk one on one with someone without worrying about insurance or money.” She shook her head. “But it’s still a long way off. I have to graduate, and the project could fail to get funding—”

“Then Nikolas will pay the rest of it. In fact—” Emily nodded. “I’m going to tell him tonight. He’ll match whatever ELQ donates—” She reached into her pocket. “That reminds me — I have Spencer’s Christmas pictures—”

“And I have Cam’s.” They traded photos of their sons, ten-month-old Spencer looking ridiculously cute posed in an oversized box decorated like a Christmas gift with a Santa hat on his head, little tufts of dark hair sticking out from the white lining. “I can’t stand how stinking cute this is. Did you see Kimi and Trina?”

“We make some cute kids in this family,” Emily said, grinning down at Cam, then sliding it into her pocket. “It’s nice, you know, all of us being a family. I mean we always were,” she added, “but these last few years, it really feels like it. Ever since you and Jason got together, and he started coming around more, the house is always so packed during the holidays.” Her smile dimmed slightly. “And we really need it this year. Losing Grandmother…” She exhaled slowly. “It kills me Spencer won’t know her. Even Cam won’t remember her.”

“I know.” Elizabeth bit her lip. “She just kept…going. I remember when Jason and I got married, I felt sure we’d lose her by the end of the year. But she was still here to meet Spencer. I’m glad she lived long enough to see him. But I miss her.”

“Our first Christmas without her.” Emily took a deep breath. “But she’s here in a lot of ways. That’s all that matters.” She stabbed a fork in her salad. “How did Jason’s visit upstate go? Sonny as miserable ever?”

“It didn’t. Sonny refused to see Jason and Carly. Can you believe it? He let them drive all the way up there,” Elizabeth muttered, “and then denied it. Jason doesn’t seem mad about it, but you know he doesn’t really ever talk about Sonny unless he has to.” She shook her head. “I don’t know. I think it’s bothering him more than he’ll admit, but I don’t really know how to get inside his head on this with forcing it, and I hate doing that.”

“My brother is a better human than me because after everything Sonny put you guys through, the fact that he still visits him—” Emily scowled. “Well, I know I couldn’t do it. And you put up with it—”

“I put up with a lot worse before Sonny went to prison,” Elizabeth reminded her, and Emily made a face, then nodded. “It’s guilt, mostly, I think. Jason blames himself for how bad it got. For what happened to me. For enabling Sonny—”

“Sonny was an adult who made his choices. I just wish Jason and even Carly would put him in the past.”

“I know—” Elizabeth pulled out her vibrating cell. “Speaking of Carly—” She tapped a button to answer the call. “Hey. What’s up?”

“Hey. Sorry to bother you. I know it’s probably a crazy time of year,” Carly began, “but I was hoping you’d stop by the Cellar on your way home. There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”

Luke’s: Bar

It was still happy hour when Dante got to the bar that night, and he nearly turned back when he saw Lucky behind the bar. Though Lucky was his best friend, Dante had been avoiding for him weeks outside of work. He didn’t want any uncomfortable questions about Lulu, and tonight, all Dante wanted was to black out. But it was too late to back out and go somewhere else.

Dante dropped onto a stool next to Lucas Jones and slapped a twenty down. “Bring me all the vodka you have.”

Lucas snorted, his fingers wrapped around the neck of a bottle of Michelob. “You and Maxie hang out way too much.”

Dante rolled his eyes. “She stole that from me,” he retorted, snatching up the shot Lucky poured for him. “Tell her to write her own material.”

“Do I get to ask why you want to drink your weight in vodka or are we still pretending we don’t know each other?” Lucky asked dryly. He refilled Dante’s shot and sat a bottle down next to it.

“That depends,” Dante said, sourly, picking up the shot. “Are you still pretending you’re not married?”

Felix DuBois, sitting on the other side of Lucas, whistled when Lucky’s expression creased into a scowl. “Oh, damn, shots fired.” He twisted his stool to get a better look.

“What the hell does that mean?” Lucky demanded.

“I don’t know. Why are you still at the bar, picking up shifts when you damn well don’t need the money?” Dante finished the second shot. “And Kelsey’s been sending me work shit after the courts close, so I know she’s not at home either. I mean, what, are you the only one allowed to make smart ass remarks?”

“As much fun as this is,” Lucas said, cutting Lucky off even as he opened his mouth to snap back. “Let’s just not. Dante, I’m sorry about your grandmother—”

“Does everyone know?” Dante threw up his hands. “You know, maybe we all hang out too much.” He grabbed the neck of the vodka bottle Lucky had left on the bar and started towards an empty table.

“I’ll take this one,” Felix said, sliding off the stool, and following.

“You don’t take hints very well, do you?” Dante muttered when Felix sat across from him, drink in hand. “I want to be alone.”

“Yeah, no shit. Dillon mentioned it to Maxie, who told Lulu, if you were wondering how she knew. I figure that’s why you’re ticked. And when that went south, Maxie called Lucas, figuring you’d find your way here. So, really, blame Maxie for knowing you too well.”

Dante grimaced. “The point of taking a break—”

“—is to take a break. But you’re telling me you wouldn’t want to know if Lulu’s mom got sick? Or her dad was in the hospital? Does taking a break mean you stop caring about each other? Lu would have been devastated if she learned it from the paper or some random customer.” Felix shrugged.

Dante wanted to be angrier – wanted to be furious that his friends didn’t know when to back off, but Felix was just the messenger. The mediator. It was the role he and Lucas always adopted, and he wondered if there’d been a divide and conquer strategy tonigh.t Felix was over here, which meant—

“Maxie figured I’d be here. And if I knew Lucky was here, that means—”

Felix raised his drink. “Lucas is doing his job at the bar. We’re not happy hour regulars, which you know. Lucky and Kelsey’s…situation has not gone unnoticed and if you hadn’t ditched the last meeting—”

“Lunch at Kelly’s was a meeting?” But Dante was smiling now.

“Maxie had an agenda and everything. Lucky’s mom sent up the smoke signal, Bobbie gave Lucas the job, and Maxie came up with the plan. That girl ever turns her attention to world domination, we’re going to have a problem.” Felix paused. “I don’t want to turn around and give it away, but you’re facing the bar. How’s it going?”

“Uh—” Dante glanced, and saw Lucas talking, jabbing a finger in Lucky’s direction. “Hard to say. Lucky hasn’t cracked a bottle over Lucas’s head yet, so—”

“All right, then.” Felix sipped his drink. “Now, on item 2.”

“What was item 1?”

Felix dug in his pocket, showed Dante his notes. “I thought you’d enjoy this.”

Dante recognized Maxie’s scrawl. “‘Number one, get Dante to chill out about Lu. She has a right to know, and he needs to pull his boxers out of his butt.’ Ha. Funny.”

“It’s a little spooky how well she knows us, to be honest.”

“It really is,” Dante murmured. “‘Number two, cheer Dante up. Bio families are stupid a lot of the time and they don’t always come through. Make him remember how awesome chosen family is, and I like shiny things in case he’s looking for Christmas presents.’” He snorted and slid the paper back to Felix. “I already got her present, but thanks.”

“She’s right, you know. About blood families. Mine never disowned me, you know. Not officially.”

“No? You never go to see them.”

“No point. I came out to them after I graduated high school. I wasn’t going to,” Felix said, “but I knew I was going away to college, and I wanted to, you know, be myself. Be out. The best I could. And I worried it would get back to them, so I told them right before I left for school and I thought they’d accepted it. I spent my entire first semester figuring it was all good. But then I got home at Christmas.” Felix stared into his drink for a minute.

“What happened?”

“They ignored it. Pretended I never said anything. Asked if I’d met any nice girls I could bring home.” Felix’s expression was somber. “And it told me what I needed to know. I could keep telling them, force them to acknowledge it, but then I’d just be making us both miserable. They don’t want to know.”

“Yeah.” Dante exhaled slowly. “Yeah, I get that. By the time I testified, you know, my grandmother knew it was true. Aunt Frannie—she’ll never believe it. She still thinks the PCPD framed Vinnie, made him a scapegoat. But Grandma knew. She knew what he was, and she still froze me out.”

“People will always find a way to ignore reality,” Felix said. “Last time I went home, I tried one more time. It was the year after Lucas and I started living together. I told them about Lucas. That I loved him.” He exhaled slowly. “I don’t go home anymore.”

“I’m sorry, Felix.”

“I miss them, sometimes. The idea of who my parents were. And could be. But it’s okay. It is,” he insisted, as if Dante had argued with him. “I came here, and I met Lucas. And his family. His parents are good to me. And his friends just let me in like I’d always been here. You know what that’s like. You and Lu started dating, and Maxie took you in.”

“Before we started dating,” Dante murmured. “When the news about my father hit the papers, Maxie and Georgie were running interference.”

“I’m sorry your grandmother passed away before she could change her mind, Dante. But you made the right decision back then. That’s all you can ever do.”

“Yeah, I know. And I don’t regret it. I had to stand up for those girls. For Brooke. I had to make sure he would never get away with it.” Dante shook his head. “I’m sorry your family doesn’t to be part of your life, Felix. I hope they see it one day.”

“They won’t. And I’ll live with it. I’ve already done a good job at that. I’ve got a man who loves me, and who wants a future with me. That’s enough.”

Dante nodded. “Yeah, I get that. Vinnie’s going to rot in jail. He’ll never hurt another girl. That’s enough for me.” He straightened, his eye on something at the bar. “Uh oh.”

Felix twisted in his seat to see Lucky say something to Lucas, then stalk away from the bar. “That can’t be good.”

Quartermaine Estate: Family Room

AJ set the Christmas photo of Michael and Morgan on the mantel, y replacing the double frame with their most recent school photos—Morgan’s first, as he’d started at a private nursery school that fall.

Behind him, Ned came in, a frame in his hands. He paused and offered a hesitant smile. “I guess we had the same idea.” He held up his own — Kristina. AJ stepped aside so Ned could do his own swap. Most of the photos changed with the seasons, updating as the youngest members grew older and the family expanded.

The only photo that hadn’t changed was Lila’s. Taken the previous Christmas with her great-grandchildren gathered around her, Lila smiling proudly as Michael leaned against her wheelchair on one side, and Cameron and Kristina were seated at her feet. AJ wondered if Ned was thinking about the great-granddaughter missing from the portrait — Brooke. But he said nothing.

“Alan said you’d talked to Carly,” Ned said, sliding his hands in his pockets. “That you’d have Michael this year. I’m surprised. You don’t normally ask.”

“I always thought she’d say no,” AJ murmured. He exhaled slowly, looked towards the Christmas tree. “She didn’t. She agreed. But she mentioned Morgan, and I thought…well, maybe it’s selfish of me. Michael’s always celebrated with his little brother. Taking him away from all that just so I can have a morning—” He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m having second thoughts.”

“It’s just one Christmas—”

“I took them to see that penguin movie last night,” AJ interrupted. “Carly and Morgan went with us. And I was thinking — maybe I don’t need Michael to come here. I know Mom and Dad want that, but—” He looked at Ned. “Maybe I could just go there. Sleep on the sofa or something or take the guest room at Bobbie’s place. All I want is to see Michael on Christmas morning. I don’t care where it is. Morgan’s still a little kid. I don’t want to wreck his day.”

“He’s three. He won’t even remember—and he’s not your responsibility,” Ned reminded AJ. He wandered back to the mantel, considered the school photos. “But he probably knows you better than he knows his own father. You spend a lot of time with him, don’t you?”

“Yeah. I guess.” AJ frowned. “What’s your point?”

“Just an interesting kind of karma, don’t you think? You’re playing father figure to Sonny’s son after he took yours away from you. I have to admit, I’ve wandered if that’s been deliberate,” Ned admitted. AJ looked at him, sharply.

“What does that mean?”

“If maybe you didn’t fight Carly so hard on having Michael here more because you liked the idea of Morgan looking up to you.”

“You think I’m manipulating the situation? To do what? To make Carly’s son like me?” AJ asked skeptically. “To what end? Sonny’s gone. He’ll be serving at least another twelve or thirteen years. What’s the point?”

“To make Carly rely on you. Care about you.” Ned tipped his head. “Don’t tell me it’s never occurred to you that you could use this to your advantage. A few right words, kind gestures, you could get them all right where you want them. Back in this house. And then you have Michael full-time. Just like before. With no Jason or Sonny to mess things up this time.”

AJ scowled. “Do you really think I’d be that calculating? Sure, Carly and I are friends now. And we worked hard to get there. And, okay, yeah, I care about Morgan. He’s Michael’s brother, and his father’s out of the picture. But you’re way off here, Ned. There’s no way I’d use those kids to manipulate Carly into anything more just to have my kid full-time. I’d never do that to those kids. Or to Carly. Way off base.”

He stormed out of the room, and Ned just smirked. AJ might not be manipulating the situation with Carly, but Ned had no qualms about doing it. Someone needed to push AJ to see what was right in front of his face.

Lucky & Kelsey’s Apartment: Living Room

Lucky slammed the door behind him, was in the process of ripping off his coat when he saw Kelsey sitting at the island counter in the kitchen area. He froze. “Oh. Hey. I thought you were working late.”

“I thought you were picking up a shift at your dad’s.” Kelsey slid off the stool, crossed her arms a bit protectively. “You, um, look mad. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah.” Lucky exhaled slowly, his irritation fading. He hung up the jacket. “Yeah. Just decided to take off early.” He looked back to the living room, where the artificial tree was still not yet put together. It was the first time he and Kelsey had been home together in evening for a few weeks.

He nearly went into the bedroom, to switch on the television, and avoid Kelsey all together.

But Lucas’s last words lingered in his mind. You’re running from whatever is going on. Running and hiding. Just like your father.

Lucky didn’t run. And he didn’t hide.

“We should finish putting this together,” Lucky said, striding towards the tree box, flipping the flaps back. “Or put it back in storage.”

“Which one do you want to do?” Kelsey asked, and he looked at her. At the woman he’d loved for so long, his wife. He’d proposed to her at Christmas, two years earlier. And they’d married just after New Year’s this year. Life had been perfect. He’d never once had a doubt that Kelsey was the woman he was supposed to spend the rest of his life with.

And no matter what Lucas thought, that hadn’t changed.

“I want to put up the Christmas tree,” Lucky said finally. “But I need help. I can’t do it alone.”

Standing across the room, her pretty brown eyes shimmered with tears, and he hoped it meant that she’d heard all the words he wasn’t saying. He didn’t know how to put together what they’d broke, but he wanted to try.

“You never could put it up straight without me,” Kelsey said, finally. She slowly crossed the room to stand beside him. “So, um, let’s go ahead and finish the tree.” She bit her lip, looked up at him. “Better late than never, right?”

“Right.” Lucky reached for her hand, kissed the inside of her palm. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

The stress and irritation of the day melted away the moment Jason stepped inside the penthouse that night, grinning when he saw Elizabeth holding Cameron, pretending to dance with him as Christmas music played in the background.

“I’m Mr. White Christmas,” she sang in her sweet, off-key tone, “I’m Mr. Snow. I’m Mr. Icicle—” Cameron was giggling as she swept him in another turn. She halted when she saw Jason, and her cheeks flushed.

“Daddy, daddy—” He squirmed, and Elizabeth let him down so that he could dash over to his father, a run he couldn’t have managed even three months earlier. Jason caught him up in his own arms, holding Cameron tight. “You home.”

“I’m home. I missed you,” Jason said. “You and Mommy dancing?”

“Mommy sing.” Cameron turned to his mother, held out his little fingers. “Sing Snow song.”

“Oh, Daddy does not want to hear me singing more,” Elizabeth said, laughing. She crossed the living room, leaned up to kiss him briefly. “But you know the song, Cam. Why don’t you sing?”

Cameron furrowed his brow, listened to the song. “He Mr. Snow. Ten Low—” he continued to trying to keep up with the lyrics, some of them garbled, but some were more comprehensible. When the song drew to a close, he clapped his hands. “Tada! I sing!”

“You did such a good job.” Elizabeth kissed Cameron’s cheek. “Go watch the movie and let me know when the next song comes on.” Jason set him down and Cameron ran back to the television, staring up at the screen. “I can’t believe it. He’s doing better every single day. A year ago—” She closed her eyes took a deep breath, and Jason drew her against him, remembering their despair the previous Christmas. Cameron hadn’t learned to speak more than a handful of words. He could pull himself up and walk a little, but he wasn’t able to get very far.

The doctors had told them Cameron might plateau for a while — they might need to think about speech therapy, and maybe some occupational therapy to encourage him to walk—

But then, he’d just blossomed over the spring and summer and now, as this Christmas approached—

“I’m sorry.” Elizabeth patted his chest, stepped back, swiping at her eyes. “Everything is getting to me lately. I cried at the commercials earlier.”

“He amazes me, too,” Jason assured her. He removed his jacket, and as always, picked up the coat she’d left hooked over the desk chair with Cameron’s underneath. He hung up everything in the closet. “How are you feeling? Other than the crying,” he added, taking her hand, leading her towards the sofa.

“Surprisingly good, considering—” She pressed a hand to her chest. “You know, if Monica hadn’t run that test, and I hadn’t had that panic attack, I’m not sure I’d even know anything was wrong.” She held out her hand. “Go ahead, check.”

He smiled faintly, but pressed two fingers against her wrist, a familiar but old practice. Jason hadn’t felt the need to check her vitals every hour in more than two years. And she was right — her pulse was normal. “Well, she said it was a small clot.”

“And there’s a chance the extra meds could break it up even before I have to check into the hospital.” Elizabeth cuddled against his side. “I’m choosing to believe in the good this year.”

“Me, too.” He kissed the top of her head, then focused on Cameron watching his Christmas movie in rapt silence. “I didn’t know being obsessed with Christmas could be genetic.”

“Ha. Funny.” Elizabeth sat up as the special went to commercial. “I, um, talked to Carly earlier today. She told me that Sonny had you removed from the visitors list. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Jason shook his head. “It doesn’t matter—”

“Jason.”

“It doesn’t.” Jason rose from the sofa. “It’s my turn to deal with dinner. I’ll call you when it’s ready.”

“Oh no, you don’t—” Elizabeth sprang up and caught up to him just as he passed the Christmas tree. “Jason.”

“I don’t want to get into this today, okay?” He gently removed her hand from his arm. “This is your favorite holiday, and Cameron—”

“And you go see Sonny every Christmas, Jason. This year, he didn’t just refuse to see you. He waited until you were at the prison to refuse to do it. He wasted your time, and he knew he was doing it. And now he’s made sure you can’t go back. Why can’t we talk about this? And don’t blame Christmas. It’s still four days away.”

“Well, then maybe it should be enough that I don’t want to talk about it—especially not right now—”

“Because you’re relieved,” Elizabeth said softly, and he closed his mouth, looked at her. “That’s why you’re not talking about it. Carly said once she was done with a panic attack, she realized she was relieved. Because now she doesn’t have to feel guilty about not going back next year. Sonny took the decision out of her hands. Out of yours. And you were relieved. So now you feel guilty about it.”

Jason looked away, stared blindly at a spot on the wall above the television screen. “If you already know, why are we having this conversation?”

“Because I wish you didn’t feel guilty. You shouldn’t. No one could have done more for Sonny than you did. You know that, Jason. Why can’t you forgive yourself for what happened to him? For where he ended up? You tried to get him a lawyer to plead it down, but he refused. He removed himself from his family, from his friends. And he keeps doing it. He has no one to blame but himself.”

“It must nice to be able to write people off so easily,” Jason said flatly. When she just stared at him, he muttered something under his breath, looked away. “I know all the reasons I shouldn’t feel this way,'” he admitted, fisting his hands. “But I do. I’m sorry if that bothers you. It’s just how it is.”

“It doesn’t—”

“Mommy, Daddy—” Cameron smacked the coffee table to get their attention. “Song. Look. They sing more.” He held up his arms, and Jason realized he wanted to be held. For one of them to swing him around.

Eager to be done from the conversation, Jason swung Cameron up into his arms. “Do you know this song, Cam? Can you sing?”

Cameron warbled out some words that sort of matched the rhythm of the song, squealing with laughter when Jason tossed him in the air. “Yay! Higher!”

When the song was over, Jason set Cameron back down and the toddler kept twirling around in dizzying circles.

“I don’t want to fight.” Elizabeth slid her arms around his waist, leaning into his side. He sighed, pulled her closer. “I love you.”

“I love you, too. I just need to sit with this, okay?”

“All right.” She patted his chest before going to stop Cameron from losing his balance. “Come on, kiddo. Let’s find another Christmas special to watch. How about Frosty?”

“Yay, Frosty!”

 

---

In case anyone was wondering, Elizabeth and Cameron were singing songs from The Year Without a Santa Claus.

Oh, when you’re still waiting for the snow to fall
It doesn’t really feel like Christmas at all
Still waiting for the snow to fall
It doesn’t really feel like Christmas at all
– Christmas Lights, Coldplay

---

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Corinthos & Morgan Warehouse: Jason’s Office

Though Sonny hadn’t played a role in the company in years, his name remained on the masthead, the logo, and emblazoned on the building. Jason had considered buying out Sonny’s interest, but instead, once Sonny had gone to Pentonville, they’d modified their partnership so that Sonny was a silent partner, and most of his profits went into a trust for Morgan.

Carly had refused one for Michael, intending to cut the cord completely.

Life had been quiet since Jason had tied up the last of the loose ends left by Ric Lansing’s reign of terror. Claudia Zacchara’s death on a Sicilian island had gone mostly unnoticed by the American press, and Anthony Zacchara had done nothing to retaliate. The old man had been lucky to escape with his business intact. His son, Johnny, had remained in Port Charles, ostensibly as evidence of a truce between the organizations, but mostly to be away from his mentally unstable father.

The time would come, Jason thought, when their old enemies would eventually come for the slice of territory he controlled, the profitable shipping lanes between the United States and Canada, but for now, and for the last two years, there hadn’t been much to worry about.

Which was why Jason was able to come into the office this morning to meet his lawyer and cousin, Justus, and know he didn’t need to come back until after New Year’s.

“And this last one—” Justus held out his hand but instead of a contract, there was a photograph. “That’s for Elizabeth. Mikki just got them back from the photographer—”

Jason wasn’t always so great at photos, but he recognized the two girls in the photo. Justus’s six-year-old daughter, Kimani, and her two-year-old cousin, Trina. Kimani, or Kimi, as everyone called her, was smiling brightly with her arms wrapped around the younger girl with a winter wonderland fake background behind them. “Oh, yeah, she—” He pulled open a drawer and handed a different photo over — this one of Cameron, taken in front of a Christmas tree. He didn’t really understand the point of elaborate Christmas photos, but anything that made Elizabeth smile was fine by him.

“Can’t believe he’ll be three,” Justus said, shaking his head before sliding it into his briefcase for safe keeping. “You know, Mikki’s been talking about having another one, and I just don’t know if I have it in me. Kimi already runs the house. My luck, I’ll have another girl—” But Justus was grinning, and Jason figured he’d already agreed. He almost told him about Elizabeth’s pregnancy, but then closed his mouth. They’d waited until the end of the first trimester to be safe, but now—

Now, with Elizabeth going into the hospital for a week after Christmas, they’d have to tell everyone about the baby—and the blood clot. And he didn’t want to get into that today. So, Jason stayed quiet as he and Justus finished their work.

There was a knock on the door, and they both turned to find Carly there. “Hey, is this a bad time? I wanted to stop by on my way to Wyndham’s and see if there’s any last-minute gifts you wanted me to pick up. Hey, Justus, offer’s good for you, too.”

“I commend you for going anywhere near a retail store today,” Justus said, with a dramatic shudder. He picked up his coat. “Thanks, but Mikki and I already ran out of space to hide presents this year. Good luck.”

Carly waited for Justus to clear the room before closing the door. “That’s, um, not the only reason I stopped by.”

“If it’s about yesterday—” Jason stacked the contracts, set them in the corner of his desk. “I think we covered everything on the ride home—”

“It’s not. I mean, maybe a little, but mostly not.” She tossed her coat over the back of the chair, and went over to Jason’s window, overlooking the docks and the water. “I got back, and AJ was with the kids. I mean, you know that. You picked up Cam later—and sorry about the Uncle AJ thing, I should have talked to you first—”

“Carly.” Jason waited for her to look at him. “Michael is Cameron’s cousin. We’ve made sure they see each other as family. Michael knows I’m his uncle. Of course, he considers his father Cam’s uncle. It threw me because he hadn’t…you know, his vocabulary—” He exhaled slowly. “It was delayed, and it’s only the last few months that he’s really started to…”

“Catch up with the other kids his age,” Carly finished, and Jason nodded. “Oh. Well, I didn’t think about that. He walks and runs so well now, especially now that he can see where he’s going,” she added and he smiled at that. “That’s not why I came either. Um, after you left, AJ and I had…I guess it was a fight—” She folded her arms. “AJ’s been letting me have my way on the custody arrangements. Not asking for holidays. Or more time. The thing I told you about the bike? He didn’t want just one bike. He wanted two. But he went along with me.”

When Jason just looked away, shuffled some paper on his desk, she sighed. “That’s not surprising to you.”

“Not really. He’s done that a lot since he moved home. Going along to get along. Not arguing much. Monica mentioned it a few times. I think maybe she wanted me to talk to you, but I didn’t want to get involved. You and AJ don’t need me weighing in about Michael. I think I’ve, uh, done that enough.”

“Yeah, well…I don’t want him to do that,” she muttered. “I want him to tell me what he wants. I’m not a mind reader. I’m trying to be less selfish, to be a good person—” She bit her lip. “Anyway. So, Michael is going to spend Christmas with AJ. At the Quartermaines. And I won’t be with him on Christmas morning. I’m going to be okay with that. I think.” She exhaled in a rush. “And I’m running late to meet AJ at Wyndham’s to pick up Michael’s bike. Both of them. We’re getting two after all. Did you need anything?”

“No, thanks. Elizabeth and I are taking Cam there later anyway. Carly—”

She stopped, looked back. “Yeah?”

“You’re not the same person you were when Michael was born. You wouldn’t make the same choices you did then. Neither would I.”

“I’m glad one of us is sure of that.” Carly looked away, stared at the door frame. “Sometimes I wonder why I needed to go through what I did to get there. Why I needed the panic room and Sonny—why did I need all of that to see AJ as a person?” She met his eyes now. “What kind of person does that really make me?”

“I don’t know, Carly. Why did Elizabeth almost have to die before I could tell her I loved her?” Jason asked, his voice a bit rough. “Things happen, Carly. We deal with them, and we move on.”

“Yeah, well, sometimes — it feels like I’m still there. Trapped in that room. I’ll see you later.”

Kelly’s: Dining Room

Maxie Jones dumped her coat and purse onto the high-backed stool at the counter, then planted her hands at her hips. “Why are men so terrible?”

Lulu Spencer set the carafe of coffee back on the hot plate and sighed. “Jesse?”

“Jesse wishes he were my problem,” Maxie muttered with a sniff. She hoisted herself onto another stool. “Bring me all the vodka you have.”

“Best I can do is Sprite.”

“Sold.” Maxie peeled the tip from the straw wrapper, then blew through the plastic tube so that the wrapper hit Lulu. “So, you talked to Dante lately?”

“No. The whole point of taking a break is to take a break.” Lulu set the soda in front of her friend. “If it’s not Jesse, then what’s crawled up your butt and died? Is it that Johnny guy?”

“No.” Maxie made a face. “And don’t remind me. He was on a break, too, you know, but now he’s all snuggled up with that nurse again, which he neglected to tell me before—” She shook her head. “Never mind. It’s Kyle.”

“Kyle? There’s a name I haven’t heard in a while. Isn’t he in med school?”

“He’s home for a break,” Maxie muttered. “And he called to let me know he’s matched to GH next year for his internship, so he just thought it’d be nice to warn me. Warn me, he says, like he’s the one who dumped me—” She rolled her eyes, shredded her napkin into small little pieces. “We both agreed that long distance wasn’t working, and he needed to focus on college, and I totally forgot about him, but now he’s coming back, and I was supposed to be fabulous and unbothered the next time I saw him—” Maxie gripped the counter. “Do I look fabulous and unbothered?”

Lulu tipped her head. “Do you want me to lie to you?”

“Oh, shut up.” Maxie scowled. “He suggested we all get together at Luke’s or Club 101, like the old days. The old days, Lu. Like it hasn’t been two freaking years—”

“Maxie—”

“And I can’t even do what I usually do and get Cruz to pretend to be my date because Kyle knows he’s gay, and besides, the new guy would probably get mad about that—”

“The new guy has been here for six months, Maxie. Don’t you think it’s time you gave him his name?”

“I haven’t decided if Brad is good enough for my bestie, so don’t rush me.” Maxie bit her lip. “Listen. While we’re talking about boys and whatnot, and breaks and all that—some news came through the grapevine, and they put me in charge of checking with you.”

“Who’s they? And what news?” Lulu scowled. “Is Dante dating someone? Because this is supposed to be break, a chance for us to regroup—”

“No. His grandmother died.”

At that, Lulu fell silent. She tugged the towel from her apron and wiped at a spot on the counter.

“I’m guessing you didn’t know, huh? He didn’t say anything about that?”

“How did you find out?”

“Dillon. He got it from Ned, who got it from Lois.” Maxie waited a beat. “Lu—”

“No, he didn’t tell me. That doesn’t—” Her chest felt tight, and Lulu shook her head. “It doesn’t have to mean anything, you know? He hasn’t talked to his grandmother in, like, three years.”

“That’s true.”

“And we said we were taking a break. We don’t hang out. That was the whole—” Lulu closed her eyes. “How long have you known?”

“Call came yesterday. Dillon said Dante’s mom went over to tell him, so he’s known like twenty-four hours.” Maxie folded her arms, leaned forward. “Lu, maybe it’s time to talk about what you’re doing here. Like, you and Dante are great together, and you know I love you both. But he wants to get married. Have kids. And he wants it, like, now. You don’t even know if you ever want it.”

“Did you think I forgot?” Lulu demanded, but there was little heat to back up the words. She tossed the towel aside, put her head in her hands. “I don’t want it to be like this, Maxie. Why does it have to be like this?”

“I don’t know. I’m sorry.” Maxie reached across the counter. “It’s okay. Whatever happens, you get me in the divorce. We’ll key his car or something.”

Lulu snorted, then shook her head. “No. No. Dante—you guys are friends. That’s why this is so hard. Because we love each other. But we don’t…maybe I could do it. You know, if I said we could get married, we could meet halfway or something and he’d wait for the kids—”

“Wait how long?” her friend asked gently. “You know it’s not fair to make one part of the promise and make him wait for something that might never happen. We talked about this months ago. You’re in the same place. How long you gonna keep standing still?”

Brownstone: Foyer

“Where do you want to put this?”

Carly closed the door behind AJ, and considered the long, bulky box they’d dragged up the front steps. “Are you going to hate me if I tell you upstairs?” she asked, biting her lip. “In my place? Michael knows every nook and cranny of Mama’s place, and he knows better than to go in my room.”

AJ made a face as he looked at the narrow staircase leading up to the second floor. “Well, it could be the third floor,” he said with a sigh. “I feel sorry for Taggert.”

“Oh, they’re moving after the holidays,” Carly said. They each lifted one end of the box and AJ went first, slowly backing up the stairs. “Portia threatened to leave him if she had climb one more set of stairs with a stroller.”

“Smart woman,” he said, grunting slightly as they reached the landing of the second floor. Carly lived on the left side of the building in a two-bedroom apartment, her brother Lucas and his boyfriend Felix shared the right side.

“I’ve been thinking about it, too,” she admitted with a wince. She unlocked her apartment door. “It’s great to be this close to my family, but Michael wants his own room. I can’t blame him.” She closed the door. “I’m going to hate losing Lucas right across the hall. I think he actually likes hanging out with the boys.”

They stowed the box that held Michael’s future bike in Carly’s bedroom, which overlooked Elm Street, and Carly took a moment to look wistfully over the view. She knew it was probably time to leave the Brownstone, but it had been her refuge since that terrible day three years ago. She rubbed her arm, a chill sliding down her back at the reminder.

She rarely visited Jason at his place, and he was kind about it — he brought Cam over often to play with the boys, and he was okay with grabbing lunch at Kelly’s. She’d been back to the Towers, of course, had even been to the penthouse. But rarely, and not if she could avoid it.

“Carly?”

“Oh. Sorry.” Carly turned to look at him — wondering if AJ knew how much she counted on him. He’d be surprised, of course, since he was still bracing himself for her to shove him out of Michael’s life again. She smiled weakly. “Just thinking about moving. I could try to find something closer to you, if you want. Make it easier to switch back and forth.”

AJ shoved his hands in his pockets. “That’d be nice, but I like that he’s close to Bobbie and Lucas. It won’t kill Michael to share for another few years. Being around his family is more important.”

“He has his own room at the Quartermaines,” Carly said with a sigh. She headed for the kitchen. “And it’s twice as big as the one he has here. I’m not criticizing that,” she added quickly when he opened his mouth. “But it’s part of it.” She saw the answering machine flickering and pressed the play button, wanting to change the subject. The last thing she wanted to do was sound like she was complaining about how much AJ spoiled their son. Not after the fight they’d just resolved.

“Mrs. Corinthos, this is Lillian Johnson from Pentonville Prison, about your request to visit him in two weeks. Mr. Corinthos has removed you from his visitors list, so I’m afraid that won’t be possible. If you think this was in error—”

Carly slapped the machine, the message skittering a stop. She stared at it blindly for a moment, then pressed a fist to her mouth, squeezing her eyes shut.

“Uh, you okay? I could call Jason — or find Bobbie—” AJ cut off when Carly slid to the ground, boneless, leaning up against her kitchen cabinets, drawing her knees up to her chest.

Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.

“Whoa, hey—” AJ’s voice was closer now, but Carly didn’t look up. Couldn’t do it. Couldn’t find the light. It was all dark, and there were no windows — but that wasn’t right? Hadn’t there been a window? Hadn’t she just seen the street?

Her fingernails dug into the heels of her palm. Yes, yes, there was the street. Outside her window. Of her apartment. Where Sonny didn’t live. He couldn’t be there. He wasn’t there to lock her in. He was the one locked up. She had a home that was hers and no one could ever take it away.

Carly raised her head, took a deep breath, slowly recognized the kitchen around her—and AJ crouched next to her, worried, a cell phone in his hand.

“I’m okay. I’m—” Her cheeks heated, and she stared at her hands. At the nicks left by her nails. “I just, um. Can you stop looking at me? I feel like an idiot.” Carly let her head drop back against the cabinets, closed her eyes again. “December is a bad month. Which is so goddamn stupid. June should be the bad time. I spent days in that room. Days and nights that never ended and it was always dark and I was chained, but Sonny locks me in one damn room for thirty minutes and—” Horrified, she broke off, shook her head, swiping rapidly at her cheeks. “Never mind. I’m okay.”

“Come on. Let’s go sit down somewhere that isn’t a tiled floor. I’m not as young as I used to be,” AJ said, then hauled Carly off the ground. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not. It’s so stupid and I hate it. I hate it,” Carly muttered, but she didn’t have the energy to argue with AJ as he led her to the sofa, her legs shaky, her hands trembling. “Three years is long enough. It wasn’t even that bad—”

“Your husband locked you in a room, Carly, when he knew you were having panic attacks and had been diagnosed with trauma disorder,” AJ bit out, and she looked at him, startled. “Don’t apologize because you can’t snap your fingers and wish it away.”

She pressed her lips together, nodded weakly. “Yeah, okay. It’s just—” She pressed her hand to her forehead. “I don’t know what’s going to trigger it, you know? And Sonny—oh, it’s so stupid. I just—that woman said I can’t see him, and you know—” She stared ahead, at the darkened television screen, the scattering of video game cases Michael never put away. “I was relieved. I only go at Christmas, and I take pictures of Morgan, because well, why not right?”

“Maybe that’s why it keeps coming back in December, Carly,” AJ said, and she acknowledged this with a nod. “You divorced him. You rescinded the adoption of Michael, and he has no visitation or anything else with Morgan. You don’t have to go back. Even if he wants you to. I don’t know why Jason goes at all.”

“Guilt. Obligation. It’s why I go,” Carly said. “We enabled him for years. God—” She exhaled slowly. “You’re right. He doesn’t want to see us. I don’t want to see him. Jason can do whatever he wants, but I’m done. I’m done. He never even asks about Morgan, and I know—I know that’s a coping mechanism. I know it’s his illness, but I can’t—” She jerked back to her feet, returned to the kitchen to pour a glass of water. “It’s fine. It’s fine. I’m not doing this to make you feel sorry for me.”

AJ frowned, folded his arms, and leaned over the counter that separated the kitchen from the small dining area. “I never said you were—”

“Please. We both know that the only reason you even heard me out three years ago was because I was a weepy, emotional mess and because you felt sorry for me.” She glared at him. “And don’t pretend I’m not right.”

“You want the truth? Yeah. I felt sorry for you. Back then. But it’s been three years. Do you think this works because I still feel sorry for you? I didn’t even know you were still having these attacks. I haven’t seen you like this in years.” He tipped his head. “You’re a good mother, and I think I’ve proved I’m a good father—”

“You have. I—” Carly exhaled slowly. “I’m mad at myself, and I’m embarrassed,” she admitted. “I look at you sometimes, and I think how much Michael loves you, and I’m just…I’m so angry with myself for—” She shook her head. “I don’t know. It’s not like it would have worked. I wasn’t a good person when we were married.”

“Me either,” AJ offered and she managed a half-smile. “We got married for the wrong reasons, Carly. But yeah, I wish I’d done a better job at convincing you to give me a chance. Anything to keep you from going through what Sonny — and his lunatic brother — did to you.”

She smiled weakly. “Well, it worked out, I guess. You’re back at ELQ where you belong, and I have so much more than I ever thought I’d have before. I just—I’d do anything to never think about all of it again.”

“Then don’t.” AJ straightened. “And I know just how to get your mind off it. There’s a movie Michael wanted to see. The one with the penguins. It came out last month. We’ll get the boys from Lucas and Felix, and we’ll go see it. Get dinner or something.”

Carly opened her mouth to refuse, then realized she wanted to go. She very much wanted to have a night out with her boys and…AJ. “Yeah. Okay. Let me go wash my face. That sounds like a great idea.”

Wyndham’s: Main Floor

The department store was decorated garishly for the holiday seasons, with red and gold and silver and green covering nearly every surface. Christmas music played loudly over the speaker, a singer warbling about walking in a winter wonderland —

It would be sensory overload for nearly everyone, Jason included, but not for his wife and son. Cameron had clearly inherited his mother’s love for Christmas. He tilted his head back, his eyes wide and shining at every new sight.

“Big tree—” he pointed at the Christmas tree that stood at the center of the store’s Christmas display, which rose three stories into the air and could be seen from every floor. The other floors curved around the tree — and at the bottom was Santa’s workshop with the man himself and teenagers dressed as elves near the line.

“There’s Santa, Cam…” Elizabeth put her hand on Jason’s forearm, drawing Cameron’s attention from the star at the top of the tree down to Santa Claus. Jason tightened his hold on Cameron just in case the toddler decided to leap forward.

Elizabeth had been determined to make this Christmas special for Cameron — they’d started listening to music just after Halloween, and since Thanksgiving, she’d found a new holiday special on television every night. And Cameron lapped every moment up, addicted to the idea that there was a magical guy in a red suit who came down the chimney to bring him toys. Jason didn’t really understand why, but he wasn’t going to argue about it either.

Especially not today, when she was smiling so much, practically bouncing with her excitement. Last night she’d had trouble sleeping, with dreams coming back to haunt her. There was no evidence of that restless sleep now.

“Daddy, Santa—” Cameron pointed. “Santa. I good boy? You tell him?”

“Santa knows that already,” Jason said, and Elizabeth beamed because it was the exact right answer. “There’s a list, right? For, uh, nice and naughty.”

“I nice boy.” Cameron wrapped his arms around his father’s neck and laid his head against Jason’s shoulder. “Santa know.”

He stroked Cameron’s back, wondering if all the overstimulation had tired Cameron, and if he would go down for his nap earlier than usual. “We should get in line now,” he told Elizabeth. “I don’t know if he’s going to make it through everything you planned.”

“That’s okay. As long as we get Santa, and you get the pictures.” Elizabeth led the way towards the back of the line. “You brought the camera, right?”

“It’s in your bag, yeah.” Jason shifted Cameron slightly, though he hardly felt the weight of him at all. He could still remember how small and fragile their son had been in the NICU that first day, barely four pounds. He’d gained twenty-one more pounds in almost three years — still small for his age but well within the normal range. He and Elizabeth watched those milestones like hawks, checking off every mark that showed Cameron was close to children his age.

“What are you going to ask Santa for, Cam?” Elizabeth asked, stroking Cameron’s light blond hair. “What do you want most for Christmas?”

“Puppy,” Cameron said, flashing his mother one of his sweet smiles. “I name him Teddy.”

Jason opened his mouth, then closed it as Elizabeth bit her lip and their eyes met. They could and would get Cameron almost anything he asked for — but a puppy in the penthouse…With another baby on the way—fifteen flights from the nearest backyard—

“Well, you tell Santa everything you want, and we’ll see what happens,” Elizabeth said finally.

Cameron made it through his first Santa visit with aplomb. While other kids his age wailed as soon as their parents sat them down, Cameron was used to other adults picking him up, and thought nothing of it. He smiled, talked Santa’s ear off about the dog he wanted, and the little brother he thought he was getting, and maybe if there was any room left, he could get a motorcycle like his dad.

Elizabeth was closer when Santa’s elf started to lift Cameron up from Santa’s lap, so she grabbed him — something she did all the time and had since her surgery more than two years ago.

But as she took the weight of her little boy in her arms, her chest tightened, and her throat felt strange. She tried to take a deep breath—and couldn’t.

“Jase-Jason—” She held Cameron tightly, her arms almost boneless. Oh, God, what if she dropped her baby— “Can you—I need you—”

Jason had Cameron in his arms before she finished the statement, and she hurried away, knowing he’d follow.

All the Christmas atmosphere, the music, the crowds, the decoration, everything she’d loved so much just a few minutes ago, it was sweltering and overwhelming, and too much— She made her way towards the exit, the red letters over the door drawing her like a beacon—

And then she was outside, the bitter, chilled air slapping at her cheeks, and she was finally able to take a breath. A full one. She leaned over, her hands on her thighs. Took another.

“Mommy?”

“Elizabeth?”

She felt a hand on her back, and she slowly straightened, taking in deeper breaths, cherishing every single time her lungs expanded, then contracted. The way they were supposed to. “I’m okay. Really. I think—I just got dizzy, maybe.” She met Jason’s worried gaze, forced another smile. “And I thought I lost my breath. I couldn’t—I’m okay.” She stroked Cameron’s cheek. “I’m okay, baby. I’ve got my boys, don’t I?”

Cameron reached for her, his arms winding around her neck, and Elizabeth took him in her arms, holding him tight, her cheek pressed to the top of his head. Jason put a hand on her back, and another on Cameron’s, as if ready to jump into action if needed. “I’m okay.”

“I’m calling Monica when we get home,” Jason told her.

“Yeah, okay. That’s—that’s a good idea.”

Port Charles Municipal Building: District Attorney Suite

“You are not supposed to be here.”

“Neither are you,” Kelsey Joyce-Spencer grunted, then glanced up at her boss scowling in the doorway. “I thought you were in court today.”

“Yeah, that’s why you snuck in when you promised you were going to take a few days off before the trial starts.” Scott Baldwin closed the door, then came over to her desk.

“I am.” Kelsey flipped through her open case list. “But we’re going to trial on January 4, so there’s no harm in being ready—”

“Where’s Spencer? Weren’t you supposed to go away for the holidays or something? I knew that kid was no good—”

“Scott.” Kelsey set down her pen, looked up at her boss, at his familiar scowl, and sighed. He was so much like a father to her, and she knew that he felt responsible for her. That her father’s murder weighed on him still. When they’d learned Sonny had killed Oliver Joyce because of Scott’s daughter Karen— “I’m an adult. Lucky and I both decided to hold off. I have this trial coming up, and you know, he’s taking the detective’s exam this spring—”

“Should have taken it two years ago,” Scott muttered. “We pulled all the strings for them—”

“They wanted to do it fairly. And they’re all better cops for it.” Kelsey picked up her pen. “We’ll go later.”

“You know why I wanted you to do it now.”

Kelsey closed her eyes. “Yes. I know.”

“Burying yourself in work isn’t going to help. If you don’t want to go home, come by my place. Serena’s home for the holidays. You know Dad and Gail would love to have you—”

“I have no problem going home,” Kelsey said. She scowled. “I can go home right now—”

Scott gestured towards the door. “Then be my guest.”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

“Oh, there’s my handsome prince,” Monica said with a grin, sweeping Cameron into her arms. He beamed back at her.

“Gammy here,” he reported to his father who managed a weak smile.

“Elizabeth’s upstairs. I’m making her rest,” Jason told his mother. “You’re going to tell her to rest, too, aren’t you? Because she should—”

Monica kissed Cameron’s cheek, then set him back on his feet, watching him fondly as he returned to his toys. “He’s picking up speed better, don’t you think? A few weeks ago, he was still stumbling.”

“Yeah, yeah, he’s…he’s close to where he should be—” Jason shook his head. “Don’t try to distract me.”

“I’m not.” She patted his arm. “And I’ll go up to take her vitals, but I just saw her yesterday, Jason—”

“She couldn’t breathe—” Jason broke off, shoved his hands in his pocket. “You’re going to tell me it was just a panic attack. She didn’t need oxygen afterward so that’s a good sign. And her pulse is normal.”

“See, you don’t even need me,” she teased lightly, sighing when he just scowled at her. “It’s a small blood clot, Jason. I was upset when I saw it, too,” she admitted. “But then I reviewed her last pulmonary function test a month ago, and it was almost perfect. She never came close to that last time, you know that, Jason. She wasn’t in good health before she got pregnant with Cameron. It was harder for her to fight off the symptoms. That’s not the case this time. We’ll break up this clot next week and monitor closely.”

Jason sat on the sofa, put his head in his hands. “She couldn’t breathe,” he said quietly, and she nodded, sitting next to him. “It just…it was like being back there. In that house, watching her die on that floor. In the courthouse, watching her gasp for air. All the times she couldn’t take a full breath. It just…”

“It was natural that you’d start to feel that anxiety again. She started feeling worse around this time with Cameron. But it is different this time.” She squeezed his forearm. “I needed someone to remind me of that, and so do you. We both need to be here for her.”

“I know. Yeah.” He dragged a hand over his face, looked at Cameron. “We have pictures for you. Or we will when we get copies made. He was great with Santa.”

“I’ll look forward to adding to my vast collection. Any hints on what your father and I should add to the list?”

“Well—” Jason sighed. “He wants a dog.”

“Oh.” Monica closed her mouth. “Well, good luck with that.”

Lucky & Kelsey’s Apartment: Living Room

Kelsey pushed open their front door, then switched on the light in their small hallway, the smile she’d pasted on her face fading — she didn’t need it.

The apartment was empty — Lucky, who was supposed to be home by now, was nowhere to be found. Not in their bedroom, or the second empty room. The bathroom.

Kelsey sighed, and sat on the sofa, staring at the tree stand and the artificial tree still in its box leaning against the wall. A few boxes of Christmas decorations and ornaments were strewn around. They’d planned to start decorating after Thanksgiving —

But she’d started working nights again, she thought, and he’d picked up shifts at the bar. Saving up for a summer vacation, he’d said with that smile that didn’t go all the way to his eyes anymore.

She rose to her feet, went over to the closet in the hallway, and reached for a box at the very top. It had been a silly gift, Kelsey thought, one Lucky had picked up over the summer at a discount store where decorations were on clearance for a Christmas in July sale.

She set the box on the kitchen counter, carefully folded the flap back, and lifted out the delicate Christmas ball with the words “Baby’s First Christmas” on it. She’d laughed when Lucky had snagged it from the shelf — because she could count, of course, and there was no way she’d have the baby before the holidays—

But she’d be close to the due date, so it was almost the same, Lucky had said, and this was a sign, wasn’t it?

A sign, Kelsey thought now, six months later. A sign that all would be well at the first appointment, and they’d listened to the heartbeat with giddiness.

And then at the ten-week appointment, when there’d just been nothing, and Dr. Lee had just looked at them with sad eyes. It happened often, she’d told them. And there wasn’t always a reason. Just sometimes the pregnancy just…stopped. There’d been a procedure to make sure she was okay, and that there was no tissue remaining.

And it had been okay. She’d cried, and he’d held her. They’d talked through their disappointment, and Kelsey had really thought they’d handled it well.

Until Christmas music started playing, and they’d started decorating. He’d found this box in the closet, and they’d remembered that silly day in July when the holidays had felt like the start of something. She’d wanted him to throw it away, and he’d refused.

They’d argued.

And now they didn’t speak.

Kelsey put the ornament back in its box and returned it to the closet. Scott was right, she was working too much to forget what had happened, but mostly because she didn’t know how to fix what she and Lucky had broken that day.

She looked again at the living room, at the Christmas tree waiting to be constructed, to be decorated, then went into her bedroom where she didn’t have to look at any of it.

Morgan Penthouse: Master Bedroom

After dinner, Jason and Elizabeth focused on Cameron, distracting themselves from the worry with his evening routine.

It was a comforting one, Elizabeth thought, as Jason bathed him, and she was waiting with a fluffy towel to cuddle with her son and dress him in his pajamas while Jason cleaned up the bathroom. Then it was time for Cam’s bedtime story, with Jason sitting on the side of the bed, reading a chapter from their book, and Elizabeth at the foot, trying hard not to hover.

They didn’t manage it every night—sometimes she’d had late classes, and he’d had meetings, but as often as they could — bedtime was for their family. Every moment with Cameron was precious to Elizabeth, and she knew Jason felt the same. They’d come too close to losing him not to savor every minute, every milestone.

But as soon as Cameron drifted into sleep, Elizabeth knew they had to talk about what had happened at the department store, and what would happen next week. Elizabeth didn’t think that they were going to be able to ignore it after all. But she was going to try anyway.

In their bedroom, Jason had lit the fireplace in the corner—for her, she knew. He didn’t feel the chill in the air the way she did at night. She sat at her vanity table, looked at her appearance reflecting back, laying a hand against her chest. Her heart was beating as it should, it didn’t hurt to breathe, and she didn’t feel any restriction when she tried.

And yet, somewhere in her lungs, there was a blood clot. It had formed despite all the precautions she’d taken, all the medication she’d put into her body. A lifetime sentence of blood thinners to stop the CTEPH from taking over her life again.

But the clot was there. And it could kill her. It could kill her baby.

She exhaled slowly, looked in the mirror again, saw Jason across the room. He’d changed into his usual sweats for sleeping and was dumping his clothes in the hamper. He was so beloved to her, so dear. And she’d put him through hell the last time she’d been sick. She’d nearly destroyed their marriage, so determined to go as far as she could before delivering Cameron.

Not this time. She wouldn’t let this take over her life again. Their lives.

“What are we doing to do about the dog?” Elizabeth asked, forcing a smile. “It’s the first thing he’s ever wanted that I’m not sure we can deliver.”

Jason sat on the edge of the bed. “And if I know you, you’re already thinking about how we can.”

Her smile deepened, more genuine now, and she turned to face him, her toes sinking into the plush carpet beneath her feet. “There are small breeds, you know, that are good for kids. And if we got him one now, he might have the dog until he’s in high school. They could grow up together.”

“Fifteen flights. Are we going to take the dog down in the elevator every time he needs to be walked, to go to the bathroom? A puppy?” Jason reminded her.

“I know all the reasons we shouldn’t.” Elizabeth sat next to him, relaxing when he wrapped his arm around her, pulled her close. “And I know what I’m about to say is absolutely insane because of my health, the baby, and the fact that I have the internship this spring, but with Cameron running around now…” She bit her lip. “Is it crazy to think about moving? To a house?”

Jason was quiet for a long moment, then sighed. “I don’t know how to say no to you. It’s starting to be a problem.”

She bit her lip, drew back from him. “You can, you know. If this is really a bad time—and I know how safe this place is—”

“I can make anywhere safe. And if we get the dog now, he’ll be trained and housebroken by the time the baby is born.” Jason slid his fingers through her hair. “Can I convince you to wait until after next week? We can think of a way to explain it to Cameron.”

“I can live with that.” She kissed him, sliding her hand down his chest. “Is there anything else I can talk you into?”

“The answer to that,” he murmured, “is always yes.”