Monthly Archives: February 2021

February 20, 2021

Hey. Checking in real quick before I go to make sure my car is cleaned up before my vaccination appointment in about an hour. I didn’t get a chance to do a flash fic earlier, so either I might not get to it when I get back or it will be late tonight. We’ll see.

The, uh, reason I didn’t do a flash fiction earlier is that I got distracted by playing with These Small Hours, mostly because I thought I’d try to play with a lot of different ideas and see if anything caught my fancy. So to make up for a possible lack of flash fic, here’s the snippet of These Small Hours I wrote today, beginning after Kate’s shooting back in September 2008.

September 29, 2008

Downtown Port Charles

The traffic light at the next intersection flipped from yellow to red, and the three cars in front of Elizabeth Webber’s Honda Civic slowed to a stop. She made a face, then picked up the phone she had tossed on the passenger side. She had a missed call from her best friend, Patrick Drake, and another from her ex-husband.

But none from the man who had stood her up at the airport, leaving her standing by the gate watching as the flight to Venice had boarded and pulled away from the runway.

Jason hadn’t called until the plane was in the air.

She’d been so sure that he was simply running late—she’d nearly boarded the plane, convinced that he’d make it before the plane took off, but something had kept her from making that leap of faith.

Maybe it was the dim memory as a teenager of watching Brenda Barrett waltz down the aisle in a wedding dress, convinced Sonny Corinthos would keep his promise to marry her, and the humiliation that had followed.

Now the only thing headed to Italy was her luggage.

She’d listened to his hurried apology and explanation—Kate Howard had been shot at her wedding just while Jason was on his way to the airport. He’d had to turn around and hastily get to St. Timothy’s Church to stop Sonny from doing whatever he was going to do.

Elizabeth had accepted the apology, assured him she understood, and had headed to the parking garage where she’d paid in advance for the week. She didn’t even blink when the parking attendant told her it was nonrefundable.

Of course it was.

Elizabeth leaned back in her seat, staring at the traffic light, waiting for it to turn green. She was going to General Hospital, going to work, because it was all she could do to keep her mind off what she knew would happen next.

It had taken every ounce of energy, of faith, of love to keep fighting for Jason to trust that she knew what she was doing, that she was willing to step into his world. He’d finally come around—they had finally been so close to the dream he’d claimed he wanted back in April—

And now Kate Howard had been shot trying to marry the man who had only recently given up the business Jason now ran.

Are we really doing this?

Unless you back out.

Not gonna happen.

“Liar,” she murmured.  She was never going to be allowed to have more than moments, more than a brief glimpse of what life with Jason could be like. And Jake was never going to have his father. She couldn’t believe that after what happened to Kate that Jason would ever give them that chance.  No, not when it had barely been six months since Michael had been shot in the head.

The light turned green, and Elizabeth eased her foot off the brake as the cars in front of her moved. Soon, she’d be back at work, and she’d have the blessed distraction of paperwork to numb her thoughts.

Her phone rang just as Elizabeth was halfway across the intersection, and she reached out with one hand, blindly trying to find it—

She heard the blaring of a horn just a second before the world in front of her spun—a horrifying slam and screech—her car spun, turning it back into oncoming traffic—Elizabeth saw a car heading straight for her—

She screamed and then her car was flying through the air, flipping twice in front of horrified onlookers. Her head was aching, her vision was spotty—and she could hear people shouting—but—

Elizabeth closed her eyes, listening to the sound of her phone still ringing, and everything disappeared.

St. Timothy’s Church: Parking Lot

Jason Morgan grimaced as his second phone call to Elizabeth’s phone went to voice mail. He hoped she wasn’t answering because she was driving and not because she was angry—

Not that she didn’t have every right to be angry, he decided as he turned and scanned the front of the church, waiting for the Port Charles Police Department to release the scene so that Jason could get a look at what the hell had happened.

He’d waited too long to call her, but there hadn’t been time to explain to her that he’d really been hoping that whatever was happening with Kate was something he could delegate even for a few days in Italy. By the time he’d realized how terrible it was—

He’d broken too many promises her to her this last year, and he knew she wasn’t going to wait around much longer.

“They took Sonny to the PCPD.”

Jason turned with a scowl as Cody Paul, his second in command approached. “When? How long ago?”

“Maybe twenty minutes. They just let Max go—” Cody nodded to the man who was coming up behind him with an exhausted air. Max Giambetti had chosen to stay with Sonny as his personal guard when Sonny had turned over the business a few months ago. “We couldn’t find out sooner—”

“What happened inside?” Jason demanded. “They wouldn’t let us near the place—”

“Miss Kate—” Max swallowed hard. “Looked like an angel. Shot right through the back just as she reached the end of the aisle. She’s at GH, and Sonny—he’s not doing good. He’s convinced Johnny Zacchara did this.”

“Johnny?” Jason repeated, blinking. “But he was at the wedding. He brought Lulu, didn’t he?” He scrubbed a hand over his mouth. “Damn it. Where is he? Where’s Spinelli? He’s not answering my calls either—”

“Lulu went crazy at the sounds of the shot,” Max said grimly. “Zacchara and Spinelli took her to GH, hoping they could get her calmed down, but looks like she’s headed right back to Shadybrooke after this. Shame. She looked a lot better.”

Jason exhaled on an irritated huff. “You said Sonny’s at the PCPD?”

“Yeah—”

“Good. That means he’s not on his way to GH to go after Johnny. We got Anthony and Claudia to back down after the last dumbass thing he did—” Sonny had locked Johnny in abandoned mental institution for weeks, convinced he’d taken Michael. Jason closed his eyes at the memory of his nephew, the little boy who would always feel like his own son.

Michael had gone missing for a few weeks earlier that year, but he’d been hiding after accidentally shooting Kate. Then he’d ended up in a coma, the victim of a bullet meant for Sonny.

If Sonny went after Johnny Zacchara again, his psychotic family wouldn’t be so easy to back down, and they’d be out for blood—

His phone rang and Jason looked down at the device in his hand, frowning when he saw Patrick Drake’s name on the screen. Why would—

“Patrick?”

“Jason, I just got a message from dispatch that Elizabeth was in a car accident—”

Jason’s breath caught as he forced himself to ask, “Is she okay?”

“I don’t know. It just—it just happened. They only know it’s her because a paramedic recognized her. It’s—Christ, it’s bad. I’m sure you’re busy but—”

“I’ll be right there.” Jason snapped his phone shut.

“Jason?” Max asked as Cody furrowed his brows.

“Elizabeth—” He took a deep breath. Elizabeth in a car accident just after Kate was shot? What if someone knew about them? What if it hadn’t been an accident—

“Jase?”

Jason snapped to attention when Cody said his name. “Car accident,” he said. “I need you to call the guards on Audrey Hardy’s house. The boys are with her today because—” He couldn’t remember why. They were supposed to be with Lucky— “Call them. Double them.”

“Is Miss Webber okay?”

“I don’t know. I need—I need to—”

“I got this handled, Jason,” Cody told him. “Sonny’s at the PCPD, I’ll get men there to keep him from Zacchara.”

“Yeah. Yeah. Okay.” Jason yanked open his car door and it wasn’t until he was halfway to the hospital before he even had time to wonder how Patrick had known to call him.

General Hospital: Emergency Room

Patrick emerged from a cubicle just as Jason rushed through the doors. He called the enforcer’s name, stopping Jason from going to the nurse’s desk.

“Where is she? Is she okay? What happened?” Jason demanded.

“She’s being taken down to X-Ray,” Patrick said, stripping off his gloves and tossing them in a nearby medical waste bin. “Her car was broadsided by some asshole running a red light. Her car got shoved into oncoming traffic. The car flipped a few times. Thank God—” He dragged a hand through his shaggy dark hair. “Thank God for seat belts and airbags or she’d be dead. And if she’d been even six inches more through that intersection, that car would have hit her and not her fucking front end—”

He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, cleared his throat. “Sorry. Sorry. The paramedics just—she’s alive. She’s banged up, pretty bruised. I’m worried about some cracked ribs, but she’s alive.”

The relief on the other man’s face was so stark, so palpable that it made Patrick feel irrationally angry. “Why wasn’t she on the goddamn plane? She was supposed to be somewhere over Canada—”

Jason frowned, then glanced around them and now Patrick really wanted to punch him. The knowledge that his hands were more important and that Jason could probably crack him in two without blinking kept him from throwing the punch.

But he really wanted to.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Are you worried someone might see that you give a damn? Sorry to interrupt whatever was more important. She’s alive. You can go back to ignoring her—”

“What the hell—”

Patrick didn’t even bother waiting for him to finish his statement. He whirled around and started for the main desk to find another chart, to search out another patient so he could get his mind off Elizabeth and the worry about her ribs—

“I wasn’t ignoring her. I would never—”

“Except that you do.” Patrick took a deep breath. “She told me she was going to Italy with you because she wanted someone to know where she was since she couldn’t tell her grandmother, and Lucky is, on his best day, a giant fucking piece of shit. She was excited, you know that, don’t you? She’s talked about going to Italy for as long as I’ve known her—”

“I know that—” Jason started.

“When I heard about the accident on the dispatch, I thought—I thought she was on her way to the airport. I called you because I thought you’d be waiting for her.” Patrick’s eyes burned into Jason’s. “But then I rechecked the flight info. She was coming home. And she was only on that road at the minute because you didn’t show up at the airport.”

“I—” Jason’s mouth tightened, and he dipped his head. “I know.”

“She’s my best friend. My family,” Patrick said, gritting his teeth. “You and I both know she can do better than you.”

“I do—”

“But she’s picked you. Either end it for good, Morgan, or man up, and stop wasting time. After what’s happened this last year, you’d think you of all people would remember that life is too damn short to waste time.”

General Hospital: Hospital Room

Everything hurt.

Elizabeth forced her eyes open and tried to breathe through the pain. Her wrist felt heavy and sore—more sore than the rest of her body, but man, it was actually hard to figure out which part of her hurt the most.

The room was dark—the only light peeked through the bottom of the closed door—and gradually, she realized she was in a hospital room.

A few other things started to come back to her—the airport, the call from Jason—the crunch of metal—

“Elizabeth?”

She cleared her throat, then licked her lips, and turned towards the voice. “J-Jason?”  She could dimly make out the shape of his torso,  the movement of his head as he leaned towards her. “What…what happened…”

“You were in a car accident.” He picked up her hand—the one that didn’t feel heavy and sore— “You’re okay. I mean, you bruised your ribs and broke your wrist—there’s a concussion—”

“That explains the pain.” She closed her eyes. “A car accident.”

“On the way home from the airport.”

“Right.” The airport. The trip to Italy that she was never going to take. “My bags. They’re on the plane.”

“I’ll call the airline and get them back. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. Kate was shot. Sonny tends to go insane when you’re not looking.” Elizabeth stared at the ceiling. “Gram has the boys?”

“She does—it’s not okay.”

“Jason.” She took a deep breath. “I remember what happened earlier this year. I know you have things to do. You can—you can go. I’m okay—”

“I’m not going anywhere—”

“Someone might see you—”

“People have already seen me,” Jason interrupted. “You’ve been unconscious for six hours, and I haven’t left this room. I didn’t know when you’d wake up, and I didn’t want you to be alone.”

“Six—” Elizabeth turned her head towards him, wincing at the movement. The room was still dark. “But things—you need to be doing things.”

“I’ve got it handled.” Jason hesitated. “I mean, eventually, I have to do a few things, but they can wait. You come first.”

Her lip trembled. “That’s—but Kate was shot. I thought you’d—”

“All year,” he said slowly, “you told me that you understood the risks, and that it was your choice to make.”

She felt his lips, soft and gentle against her forehead. “We don’t need to do this tonight. You’re tired, and Patrick says you can go home tomorrow. Why don’t you get some rest? We can talk in the morning.”

“You’ll be here?”

“I’m not leaving you. I promise.”

February 19, 2021

Update Link: A King’s Command, Part 19

Happy Friday! We went back to the building for two days this week — we ended up being remote for snow on Thursday, and we’re always scheduled for half remote days on Fridays.  Really tired that first day, but it was better the second. I still don’t have kids in the classroom, but I get to do lunch duty which is something. That’s all great, but we already have teachers on quarantine on Monday due to a positive case in the school. Going to be an interesting few days. I’ll be doing Flash Fiction early tomorrow since I have my vaccination appointment tomorrow evening, probably early afternoon or so.

I’ve been working hard on getting Fool Me Twice ready for Tuesday’s release date — I’ve scheduled chapters through March 11, and I’ll have another week’s worth of chapters scheduled tonight as soon as I finish editing Chapter 8. Tomorrow, I’ll get Chapters 9 & 10 ready, then on Sunday, I’ll be working on 11 & 12. Chapter 12 is where I got stuck the last time, but I’ve given myself a decent buffer zone and managed to get it to fall on a Sunday where I’ll be able to work on it off and on all day since it has several scene rewrites.

Thanks so much to everyone who filled out the survey! I had so many responses I actually exceeded the free responses on Survey Monkey in the first 12 hours (40), so I made a copy and created a new one which had 30 more responses. I really appreciate all the response and interest in helping me work on a new project.

It mostly looks like you guys are interested in Broken Girl and Mad World, and you want more Liason stories set between 2006-2008. For Alternate Universe, you were pretty solid on Contemporary, but the other questions were mostly evenly split. I do appreciate this feedback, and I’ll be thinking about it more tomorrow and letting you know how I’m going to moving forward.

In Flash Fiction news, I sat down to plot out the rest of A King’s Command, and it actually works out evenly with Not Knowing When. Both stories will conclude by Sunday, March 21. On Friday, March 26, Signs of Life will return as the Friday/Sunday double feature. On Saturday, March 27, the sequel to A Shot in the Dark will be starting. I need to update the title for that one because I hate the working title. That’s the story Tania requested — a rewrite of the Tom Baker story in 2016.  I’m actually really happy that I’ll be starting the last of the Flash Fictions in March, which means they should be done by May and let me have a bit of a break to think about Flash Fiction going forward.

This entry is part 19 of 27 in the Flash Fiction: A King's Command

Written in 62 minutes. No time for spellcheck.

Elizabeth lifted her son from his cradle and held him against her shoulder, gently rocking the infant as she swayed back and forth, hoping to settle his restless cries.

She’d barely been able sleep over the past three weeks—not just because Cameron rarely slept more a few hours at a time, but her own worry. Tracy had told her of the three children Jason’s mother had lost in infacy—a son and daughter before Jason’s birth and then one more son between Jason and his sister, Emily.

Three babes born that hadn’t seen their first birthday. And two of them, Tracy had said with real sorrow, had died within weeks. Some babes weren’t strong enough to survive. Since that discussion, Elizabeth had been afraid to take her eyes off her son. What if she missed his last breath? What if she missed the chance to help him?

“Father McKinnon has just finished his week at the Camerons.”

Elizabeth turned at the sound of her husband’s aunt and sighed in relief. “Then he’ll be here this Sunday. I want Cameron baptized.” The Camerons were the largest clan in this part of Scotland, and the Morgans had a marriage alliance with them through Jason’s mother. It was part of the reason Elizabeth had chosen the name for their son. Or at least, she thought it was the reason. It had been his name in her vision after all.

“Aye. ‘Tis a privilege to have a priest even once a month,” Tracy said as she strode across the room and reached for Cameron, frowning at Elizabeth. “You did not sleep again ast night?”

“Oh.” Elizabeth sighed. “No, not since Jason left for the Frasers.” She bit at her thumb and turned towards the windows. She’d grown used to Jason and his best warriors leaving to fight with allies against rival clans, but she always worried when he was gone.

“You need to stop fretting over Jason,” Tracy said as she bounced Cameron lightly and the baby coeed at her. “Highland men like fighting more than they like the comforts of home. They consider it a sin to die in their beds as old men.”

“I may have to live with it, but it does not meet I should ever accept it. Someone has to help Cameron grow into a strong Highland warrior.” Elizabeth smoothed her hand over the soft, downy fuzz of her son’s head, still marveling at his existence. She’d been so convinced she’d never have a family and now she had this perfect child, a wonderful husband, and—she eyed Tracy—a beloved curmudgeon. “I know it’s been a year, but I confess I still can’t get used to not having a priest in permanent residence.”

“Ah, well, being from the Lowlands, you’re practically English, and they’ve forgotten the Old Ways long ago,” Tracy said. She set Cameron back in Elizabeth’s arms. “He’s looking hungry.”

Her favorite part of the day. Elizabeth sat down in the chair by the fire and untucked her dress so that Cameron could eat. “No, my father didn’t set much store in the Old Ways,” she admitted. “He was very…dedicated to the Church.”

Tracy snorted as she took the seat across from Elizabeth. “Men often are. That’s how they tell themselves they have the power. God speaks to them, they say. And women are last in God’s life. The church fears the Old Ways.” She folded her arms. “You won’t see that attitude at Braegarie as long as a Morgan breathes. We still have the proper respect for the gifts that God has bestowed.”

“I…” Elizabeth bit her lip. “I haven’t seen much evidence of it. Beyond the marriages that aren’t blessed by a priest until Father MacKinnon arrives.”

“You likely don’t know what to look for. Barbara is a practitioner. Not much to her abilities—a gift for healing. For sensing the right treatments, for having a deft hand at the potions,” Tracy explained. “No, the ways are dying out. We don’t have many seers left. Not here in east. Emily writes that they still have some stalwarts in the Isles.”

“Seers.” Elizabeth’s heart began to beat a bit faster. “You mean people who can see the future.”

“Aye. It was never a common gift,” Tracy admitted. “The Camerons have a seer, but they keep it quiet. Some fools seem to think that it’s evidence of a witchcraft.” She snorted. “Ever since the Stewarts came to power and made an alliance with the French—” she sneered the word. “They’ve forgotten who they are.”

“Because the French king is very dedicated to the Pope,” Elizabeth said slowly. “I’ve heard the regent speak of his fondness for Paris. He spent time there before the king died and he was called home.”

“Aye, John Stewart is barely a Scot.” Tracy narrowed her eyes. “Why the interest in the Old Ways?”

“I—” Elizabeth’s words died in her throat. Tracy approved of her—but just barely. She’d survived a Highland winter and had birthed a son for Tracy’s beloved nephew. But that did not mean Jason’s aunt cared for her.

Still. “It’s very different from how I was raised. My father was very harsh with any women he believed to be witches,” Elizabeth said slowly. “He…had several burned at the stake.”

“Aye. The witchcraft trials have come to Sterling. Jason told me a woman burned at Beltane several springs ago—and the run you had on your way from Edinburgh. The witch finder—as if a man could spot an actual witch—” Tracy got to her feet. “I took a risk telling you about Barbara—”

“I would never—” Elizabeth shook her head. “Aunt, I promise. I would never—I—” She took a deep breath. “I ask because I—I think I am one of those—the seers,” she clarified. “I—I get visions. Of the future.”

Tracy pursed her lips, then settled back down in the chair. “Tell me.”

—

Jason returned from his battles alongside the Frasers only a day before Father MacKinnon was due to baptize their son and brought news with him.

“Albany is in Sterling,” Jason told Johnny who had been left behind to guard the keep and Jason’s family. He started up the stairs, expecting his first to follow him. He was eager to see his wife and son. He disliked being away from them and knew Elizabeth had trouble sleeping when he wasn’t with her.

“Why? I thought he’d go back to France and leave the queen to her business,” Johnny muttered. “Even if her business is the Angus.”

“Aye, well, she lost the right to her children with that marriage,” Jason reminded him. “And Albany had wait to for the council to give him the right—he’s in Sterling because that’s where Margaret is.”

He pushed open the door and grinned at the sight of Elizabeth at the heart, cradling their son in her arms. Then frowned, realized she was feeding Cameron and—he turned to face Johnny. “You’ll stay out here.”

“I’ve seen a woman feed—” Johnny protested, but Jason closed the bedroom door and greeted his aunt who stood to greet him.

“Johnny said things were well?” he asked her, then looked at Elizabeth for confirmation.

“Aye, the holding is as you left it,” Tracy said. She arched a brow. “Your wife has slept not a wink. You should see to that.” She paused and met his eyes. “And your mother would be proud of you.”

Frowning as his aunt left the room, Jason turned a bewildered expression to Elizabeth who had finished feeding Cameron and was getting to her feet. “What—”

“Tracy and I were discussing the Old Ways,” Elizabeth said. “And so…I told her.”

“You…” Jason was distracted when she put their son in his arms. Even after three weeks, it still felt like the first time. Cameron had grown since that first night—his face was starting to fill out and he opened his eyes more—but he was still no heavier than the claymore Jason wielded in battle.

In fact, on this recent journey, Jason had convinced himself that the child weighed less than his weapon. He understood his wife’s fears that something this fragile could not be strong enough to survive in this world.

“I wondered—when I told you what I could do—why it did not seem to concern you,” Elizabeth said. “You were surprised, but you didn’t…judge me. I was sure that you wouldn’t want to keep me.”

Jason scowled. “‘Tis your father who had you thinking things. Low Landers are scared everything.”

“Aye, that’s what Tracy said. She said we’ll still need to keep it to ourselves. The church is growing stronger. That’s very clear from what we saw in Sterling last spring.” Elizabeth sighed. “But it does feel better not having to keep the secret from you and Tracy. Or Johnny and Francis. Keeping it from you—I hated it.”

“It was only for a few months.” Jason shrugged it off, and then sat down—slowly, not wanting to jar his son who had dozed off in his arms. “And you were scared. I knew I had to make you feel safe, and I did.”

Elizabeth rolled her eyes, and he grinned at her. He untucked one hand from holding Cameron and reached for her, tugging her onto his knee. “We have a strong son,” he told her. “And I can see the circles under your eyes. We’ll get a maid in to see to Cameron at night so you can sleep—”

“Jason—”

“I worry for him, too,” he told her. “I remember the babe my parents lost before Emily was born. And how my mother grieved each loss.” He paused. “How my father grieved the loss of my mother when Emily was born. You need to keep your strength. You’re important to me, too.”

“I try not to feel scared,” Elizabeth murmured, leaning against Jason’s shoulder, tucking her head under his chin as they both looked at the miracle he held in his other arm. “I know my vision tells me he survives. That there’s another child in a year or two. But ’tis hard to remember that in the middle of the night,” she admitted.

And neither of them mentioned how that vision had begun by the disappearance of Jason and their sons. She had never been sure if it had been a metaphor or if there was something else to worry over.

“Albany is in Sterling,” he told Elizabeth. “He’s come to take the boys from Margaret.”

“The—” Elizabeth leaned up, frowing him. “James and Alexander? They’re just babes. Alexander is scarely weaned—and you told me Margaret was to have the Angus’s child. Why would he take children from their mother now?”

“Because James is the king,” Jason reminded her gently. “And Albany is the regent. He has the power to do so—”

“It’s barbaric,” Elizabeth muttered, “that he should have such power over her children. She brought those boys into the world. She should have the raising of them. Even if she did have the bad judgement to marry Archibald Douglas.” She narrowed her eyes. “What man do you think will take my son from me? I’ll see them dead first—”

“Things aren’t so strict in the Highlands,” Jason told her. “But aye, he needs a male legal guardian. A boy without one—the king could take control of him and the holding,” he admitted. “So I had to put some paperwork together. Johnny has the legal custody but he knows that Cameron stays with you.”

“And if he tried to take him from me—or Tracy—no one would ever find the body,” Elizabeth muttered. “This is the problem of letting men in charge of the world. Women do all the work and you lot just take.” She took a deep breath. “You’re telling me about Albany being in Sterling because this is the closest he’s been since we were in Edinburgh.”

“Aye. And if he was behind the kidnapping attempt last year,” Jason said, “I just think it’s best if we keep an eye on him. He might not care about of that. He’ll finish seiging Margaret, and take the boys back to Edinburgh where he has more loyal followers in the court.”

“He can’t make me leave, can he?” Elizabeth asked. “I’m your wife. Your legal property.”

“Which is the argument I’ll be making if he tries,” Jason told her. “Whatever plans he might have had for you, they were done the moment he chose me to marry you.” He leaned forward and kissed her gently. “I’ll keep you safe. I promise.”

“I know.” She edged back slightly with narrowed eyes. “But you’re just to make that argument to him, not anyone else.”

“I’m not fool enough to try it on you.” He kissed her again and she smiled against his lips. “We both know who holds the power here.” Cameron began to cry, and they both looked at the infant. Because of course, their lives revolved around their son now—he was the one in charhe.

—

“I take it from the look on your face you’re unhappy with the messenger,” Johnny said as he closed the solar door behind the man who had brought the scroll Jason held in his hands. “He said he’ll wait in the hall for the answer—”

“The answer is no,” Jason said, his tone clipped. “You can word it however you like, but I’ll not be bringing my wife anywhere near Sterling Castle or the Duke of Albany. The regent can go to hell.”

Johnny blinked. “He wants you to bring Elizabeth—she’s barely out of childbed—”

“Aye, well, Albany’s shown just how much care he has for a woman and her children, hasn’t he?” Jason muttered.

“I’ll give the message to the regent’s man, but this will upset Elizabeth. She’s only begun sleeping again at night.”

Jason scrubbed a hand over his face, then nodded. “I know. I won’t be telling her.”

“Jason—”

“I promised I’d keep her safe. She trusts me to do that. She doesn’t need all the details.”

February 17, 2021

Hey, it’s been a long time since I got your feedback on what you guys wanted to read next, and I’ve been very fortunate that you guys have been on board with pretty much everything I’ve put out over the last year.  I’ve been struggling with inspiration and just getting my head wrapped around a new project. I said I was pressing pause on my production schedule because I didn’t feel any of the projects I’d planned. This is mostly just because I’m personally struggling. This is where I’m hoping getting some feedback from you guys on what you want to see might help. I’m not committing to any of the choices that win, but I’m just hoping that seeing where you guys are might help inspire me and get my head back into the game.

So this survey asks you to rank some of the choices for my next history rewrite as well as what part of Liason’s history you want to see more from in general. There are also some general Alternate Universe questions to see what you’re interested in.

Some of the questions ask you to rank — 1 is the one you want to read the most, and it goes from there.

https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/DSD2MPW

I’ve got some brief summaries below –

History Rewrites

Broken Girl Book 2: Follow up to last year’s Book 1. After Lucky goes to rehab, Liason try to figure out a relationship while going slowly. Then Lucky comes back and Liz has to really face how to deal with the abuse he inflicted on her.

Mad World Book 4: Finale to the series. Liason deal with her pregnancy, Sonny and Carly, and Ric. (and lots of other stuff)

Malice, sequel to Bittersweet: set in summer of 2003 after Liason leaves to trial. They return, and we wrap up the Alcazar storyline with Brenda’s part of it.

Burn in Heaven, sequel to A Few Words: Faith returns to inflict revenge three years later in 2007.

Kismet: set in 1997. What if Elizabeth is around when the Michael stuff starts instead of Robin?

These Small Hours, set 2008: rewrites the aftermath of Kate Howard’s shooting and the Russians. Johnny/Nadine and Liason focus.

Alternate Universe

Sky is Falling: Jason is a former cop who left the force when a serial killer he investigated killed his sister and left Liz for dead. Guy got away and returns to go after Liz.

Smoke and Mirrors: Robin, Nadine, and Liz are cousins who have magical powers and a family curse. Would be Scrubs, Nohnny, and Liason.

Whatever It Takes: Flash Fiction revision. Jason & Liz are married, but separated after death of their unborn child in a car bomb.

An Everlasting love: Flash Fiction revision. Western. Jason and Liz are childhood sweethearts separated by circumstances and villains.

February 16, 2021

August 2010 in Bern, Switzerland

Church of St. Peter and Paul

Victor Cassadine smiled as he walked towards the altar of the church, finding great amusement in the sight of the woman dressed from head to toe in unrelieved black with a lace veil covering her face.

“I’m always surprised that you can step foot in a place like this,” he drawled. The woman turned away from the altar where she had been lighting candles. “I thought it might be you asking for this meeting when I received the message.” He glanced around the empty chapel, then lifted a brow at her. “You always did have a flair for the dramatic.”

She lit the last candle, then stepped down to meet Victor. “And you came anyway?”

“It’s never boring,” Victor told her. He sat in the front pew, stretching his arm across the back of the wooden pew. “Why a Catholic church, darling? We’re Orthodox.”

“We’re practical,” she murmured as she sat next to him and lifted the veil on her hat. “You’ve heard the good news?”

“Of course. You’re a great-grandmother again. A little boy born to Nikolas.” Victor narrowed his eyes as the woman’s lips curved. “For someone who has been cast out of his life more than once, I don’t see why you’re so happy.”

“I had a thought, my dear Victor,” she said, “that Mikkos would be disappointed in the children he sired. None of them have taken up the reins the way they ought to.” She tilted her head. “What about Liesl’s brats? Wasn’t one of them yours?”

“Possibly,” Victor said with a light shrug. “They might also be Cesar’s. With Liesl, one never knows. You shouldn’t look for the Cassadine line to continue through me. No, Nikolas and his boys — they’re your best bet.”

“Perhaps,” she purred. “If only there were two of them.”

Victor felt the corner of his mouth tug up. “Darling, what are you up to?”

“Reviving the Cassadine line,” she replied. She straightened the cuffs of her long black sleeves. “It’s not always in the blood, but in the breeding. I have a plan, Victor, but I’m afraid I cannot do it alone.”

“And what can I do for you?”

“You have some old friends that I might want to speak with. And now that you’re at the WSB—” Her smile deepened. “You have so many resources. I thought we might find it amusing to revive some old experiments.”

“You’ll have to be more specific, dear.” Victor shifted. “What experiments?”

“Controlling the mind, manipulating memory—” she sighed dreamily. “I came close with my beloved Lucky. So close to finally cracking it all and getting my revenge on Luke and Laura but I was stopped.”

“And you can’t abide while a Spencer lives?”

“The Spencers remain on my list, but they are not the only ones who have wronged me. My grandson who lied to me—” Her lips trembled before she pressed them together as the fury in her eyes grew. “He deceived me, led me to believe he had finally come to my side—and he might have. But she always stopped him.”

“She?”

“Elizabeth Webber. The mother of Nikolas’s new son.” She laughed then, a dark chilling laugh. “So many fathers for her children, what’s one more lie for her to live?”

“My dear—” Victor squinted. He didn’t quite understand her delight.

“If Nikolas had killed Elizabeth Webber when he was supposed to, I would have the grandson I deserve. She made him weak, and she keeps him tied to the light. With the death of that insipid girl Emily, he should have been ripe to fall—” She calmed herself, her breathing rapid. “When I have broken Elizabeth, I will have my grandson back.”

“And the experiments,” Victor said slowly. “They’ll help you do that?”

“Oh, I couldn’t destroy her without them. This little lie about Aiden—” She examined her nails. “It’s just the first of the tortures I have planned. And when she is gone, when Nikolas has fallen—then it will be time to finish Luke and Laura—”

“Then how will you revive the Cassadines?” Victor asked, as the woman rose to her feet and reset her veil. “Without Nikolas, there’s just his sons—”

Helena lifted a brow. “I would not put much stock in the elder boy. His mother was weak and easily broken. As for the other—” She turned her gaze towards the altar, at the candles she had recently lit. “Well, that remains to be seen.” She waited. “I have made my request, Victor. What is your answer?”

Victor mused on this for a long moment, then nodded. “I have been thinking about getting into that line of inquiry,” he admitted. “And, interestingly enough, I have some research going on in the labs now that might be useful.” He stood as well. “But that does not answer my question, darling. Without Nikolas or his progeny, how do you plan to revive the Cassadines? And for whom?”

“It’s time to look to a new branch.” Helena Cassadine lifted her face into the light for a brief moment and her smile would have sent chills down a lesser man’s spine.

“Mine.”

Update Link: Fool Me Twice – Excerpt

RicochetExcited to give you guys a peek at the first chapter of Ricochet, book one in the Fool Me Twice trilogy. This opening scene is a flashback to set the stage. Every chapter in Fool Me Twice will have a flashback filling in a piece of backstory not seen on screen. I can’t wait for you guys to read this. New chapters will be posted Tuesdays & Thursdays until I’ve completed my edit of the entire story. At that point, like I did with For the Broken Girl, I will post all remaining chapters.

In other news, I’m going to be revising my 2021 Production Schedule this week. I’ve been struggling a lot with just my general health, mentally and physically which you guys know about. I’m hoping that between going back to school tomorrow and having some contact with my students (at least on lunch duty) and starting the publication of FMT next week, I’ll be able to shake out of this, but I honestly can’t promise the release dates I set up even a few weeks ago. January was a very tough month, and February hasn’t really turned things around for me just yet in a lot of ways. I’m better, but I’m still not at the point where I think I should be promising projects.

I apologize for the vague-ness of this announcements. I don’t even know what it means for me yet beyond just not planning anything for a few weeks and just getting back to a schedule of leaving my house every morning for work. You’ll still be getting FMT chapters and Flash Fiction, so it really just affects us going into the summer when the next book comes out. I’ll keep you guys in the loop 🙂

February 14, 2021

Very sorry guys. I was relaxing today and reading, and just kind of lost track of time. I didn’t even eat dinner yet, LOL, and it’s just past 7 PM EST here. I do feel bad about noping out of both updates for King’s Command this weekend, so I’ll try to make up for it at some point this week with an update.

I basically ignored EVERYTHING this weekend, including prepping for the upcoming week — I didn’t even do my lesson plans which are due on Thursdays. I feel better for relaxing after the horrible day I had on Friday and all of the last week, but that just means I have a lot to do tomorrow since we’re supposed to be back in my building on Tuesday, so my schedule changes. I have to prep dinner, do laundry, prep posts and lesson plans — Of course, we’re supposed to have a terrible ice storm so let’s see if we’re even back. 2021, man.

And because I do feel so bad about this, I’m going to post an excerpt from Fool Me Twice tonight — a Liason scene that’s from Chapter 16 but doesn’t give a way too much. It takes place maybe two weeks after Jason returns. Enjoy!

Floating Rib: Parking Lot

They’d renamed the bar six months before Jason had been shot and shoved into the frigid waters of the harbor, but somehow he’d let himself forget that fact. Even so, the interior had always looked the same, and Jason just wanted to go inside and lose himself the way he’d used to—

But someone had redecorated it, and the dingy color and broken down furniture had been replaced by newer and brighter colors. It wasn’t the same. It wasn’t Jake’s.

Nothing was the way it was supposed to be, and Jason just stared at the building for a long time, feeling more lost than he had a right to be. It was just a bar. Just a place.

But it had always been his safe place. The one spot in the entire world he could count on—

His phone rang again, and Jason looked down at it, expecting to see Michael, Sonny, or Carly’s name flash across the screen. Spinelli had given up almost an hour ago, but the other three had called every few minutes.

He didn’t know what to say to any of them. How to handle it. How to process what had happened or why it had hit him so hard—he’d never liked AJ, that was no secret. Why did it twist something inside of him so hard to learn that AJ had been alive all that time, that he’d returned to rebuild his life—

That Sonny had killed him, and Carly had helped to cover it up?

But the call wasn’t from Sonny, Carly, or Michael. It was Elizabeth. Thinking it was about Jake—if he could see his son, maybe—

“Elizabeth?”

“Hey. Are you busy right now?”

Jason looked at the sign over the bar, then shook his head. “No. I’m not.”

“Great. Can you meet me at the corner of Van Ness and Arnold? There’s something I need to do, and I could use your help.”

Relieved at the distraction, Jason agreed, “I’ll see you in a few minutes.” He hung up the phone, then got back into the SUV.

When he arrived at the street corner Elizabeth had given him, he pulled up behind her car, then stepped out to find her leaning against a chain-link fence. “Hey. What’s up? Is everything okay?”

“Yes,” Elizabeth said. She gestured towards the building behind the fence—the building he hadn’t noticed before now. And the parking lot out front. Jason took in the lines of motorcycles, swallowing hard.

She’d brought him to a motorcycle dealership.

“Elizabeth—”

“It’s been a long time since we went nowhere fast,” she told him, “and I had a really bad day. I thought maybe you might need a ride, too.”

February 13, 2021

Update Link: Not Knowing When – Part 11

Hello 🙂 Happy to report it’s been twelve hours since I woke up and still no migraine turning. That’s a good sign, and I think the new nasal spray/steroid combo the doctor gave me on Thursday is helping. I’m just hoping it won’t be like the prednisone which resolves the problem while I’m using it but then it comes back. I feel better today – I was even able to cook dinner which was the first time I felt up to it.

I finished the Fool Me Twice subsite and linked the banner above to the site. I even scheduled the excerpt going up on Tuesday. I’m even happier about this decision to change the release schedule than I was the last time I changed it, LOL.

Not Knowing When has about five parts (after tonight), and I think I’ll be wrapping this up just around the same time I’m finishing A King’s Command. I haven’t finished plotting that one out yet, but five weeks would put me at ten more parts ish, which sounds about right. This means Signs of Life will be coming back some time in late March with the final story in the Collect Your Regrets (Devil On My Back) universe starting around the same time.

I’ve decided what to do with Flash Fiction once the in progress stories are done. I’ll be keeping the Friday-Sunday schedule for now, until September when I go back to work because my Fridays will be full days. When I finish Signs of Life and Devil on My Back, I’ll be switching to a new plan. I’ll update a story on Fridays & Sundays, and then on Saturdays, I’ll be bringing back the concept I used to write The Ghost in the Girl. Basically, taking a scene or storyline point that will be a short story (four parts) and doing that.

This entry is part 11 of 16 in the Flash Fiction: Not Knowing When

Written in 55 minutes. Time for a spell check not but reread.

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

By the time Brenda got across the hall to tell Sonny what had happened, he was already downstairs and on the phone with Diane. He waved Brenda in as he continued to speak. “Yeah, yeah, I don’t know anything, but get to the PCPD—okay—okay. Thanks.” He set the phone down on the receiver, then focused on Brenda. “What happened?”

“I was downstairs and they just came in—they had a warrant—” Brenda grimaced as Carly sauntered down the stairs, running her fingers through her hair and yawning. “They wouldn’t even let her get dressed—they dragged her out in cuffs—”

“What’s going on?” Carly asked, furrowing her brow. “Sonny—what was Wally calling about—”

“Elizabeth just got arrested for murder,” Sonny muttered. “Diane’s on her way—where’s Jason—”

“He grabbed some clothes for Elizabeth and was, like, ten seconds behind the cops.” Brenda folded her arms. “I thought you and Jason said this was under control—that she wasn’t in any danger—”

“Clearly I underestimated them,” Sonny said, his teeth clenched. “Look, just go across the hall. I’ve got it handled—”

“No, I’m going down to the PCPD—”

“Neither of us are going anywhere,” Sonny snapped. “Jason and Diane will handle this. We’ll just make things worse—” He turned to Carly who was opening her mouth. “That goes for you—”

“I was just offering to help Brenda find the door,” Carly said sweetly. Sonny rolled his eyes as Brenda scowled.

She yanked the door open and stormed out. She knew Sonny was right, that there was nothing she could do at the police department, but damn it—Brenda was tired of sitting back waiting for things to happen.

This was all happening because of her. She should be able to fix it.

PCPD: Interrogation Room

“Just tell me how Morgan managed it,” Taggert said, leaning in. “And I’ll get something for you to wear.”

“Lawyer,” Elizabeth said. She took a deep breath, trying to keep from shuddering. The room was freezing cold and she was wearing one of Jason’s t-shirts and a pair of panties. Her legs were bare from the mid-thigh to her toes—they hadn’t even let her grab shoes—

“Elizabeth—”

“Lawyer—”

“You and me, we go way back—”

“Let me spell it,” Elizabeth said, narrowing her eyes. “L-A-W—”

“Have it your way.” Taggert shoved away from the table and stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind him. She closed her eyes and finally gave into the urge to shiver—her teeth chattering. They’d handcuffed her to the table so she couldn’t even rub her arms—

She could hear some sort of commotion in the squad room and raised voices—then the door opened again to reveal a woman with bright red hair cut in a stylish crop and an elegant suit. Behind her, Jason hovered—and she almost wept in relief to see the jeans over his arm with a pair of sneakers in his hands.

“You already searched the damn clothes!” the woman called over her shoulder. “Now shut up and let me meet with my client.” She turned to look at Elizabeth, then hissed. “Come get these cuffs off of her. Now—”

“Not with Morgan in the room—” Taggert began, but Mac moved past the detective with a roll of his eyes.

“You’re determined to get us sued, aren’t you?” Mac demanded as he slid a key into Elizabeth’s cuffs. “There. I’m sorry, Elizabeth. They should have let you get changed—”

“Oh, it’s going into the lawsuit I’m preparing. Leave us.”

Mac made a face, but then closed the door behind him. Jason came around the table to give Elizabeth the clothes as the lawyer set her briefcase on the table.

“Diane Miller,” the redhead said as Elizabeth shimmied into the jeans Jason had brought, then sat back down to pull on the socks and shoes. “You didn’t say anything did you?”

“Just the word lawyer. I said it in Spanish a few times, too,” Elizabeth said. “I started to spell it, too.”

“Oh, good. I like a smart client.” Diane flipped through her copy of the arrest warrant with a sigh. “All right, they have you in the area at the time of the murder with a history of knowing the victim. It’s flimsy, but the video of you fleeing the scene shortly after the gunshots will probably be enough to bind you over for a trial.”

“But you can get me out on bail, can’t you?” Elizabeth asked. “I mean—”

“They’ll set the bail pretty high,” Diane murmured. “And there’s a slight chance they’ll decide you’re a flight risk, so we’ll see.” She hesitated. “They might deny bail at the hearing in the morning. I’ll appeal — and most of the time, they overturn those decisions particularly when there’s no physical evidence, a clean record, and no danger to the community. But—” She slid her eyes to Jason.

“But I’m a problem,” he muttered.

“You are. I’m good at this, but Port Charles does not like you. Or your partner. And many of the judges in the criminal division would love a shot at you,” Diane told him. She glanced out the window. “Baldwin’s out there. I’m going to make sure he’s put this on the docket for the morning so you’ll only be here for the night. I’ll be back.”

When their lawyer had left and closed the door, Jason dragged his hands through his hair. “I’m sorry. I told you this wouldn’t happen—”

“I know.” Elizabeth bit her lip. “But I knew you didn’t believe that even when you said it. The PCPD is always looking for a way to get to you. Taggert still thinks you did this. He wanted me to tell him how you managed it even though he knows you couldn’t have.”

“I’m sorry.” Jason sat across from her. “I’ll make this go away. Somehow.”

“I know.” Elizabeth stared at her hands, then flexed her fingers. “I’ll be okay—”

“This is my fault,” he interrupted. “They’re coming after you because of me—”

“No, they’re coming after me because of me,” she told him. “You have an alibi, Jason. You did not do this. I’m the one that—” She took a deep breath. “I didn’t trust you. I didn’t listen to you. And I wasn’t paying attention. I was reckless, and I walked right out onto that pier. This is my fault. And the only reason they can hold me is motive. Because of what happened this summer.” Her voice faltered. “All of this—this is my fault, Jason. I put myself in this position, and I wish like hell I knew how to get out of it—”

“Elizabeth—”

“Yeah, they’re going to offer me a deal to testify against you or Sonny or something, but that doesn’t change the fact that if I had done a thousand things differently these last few months, I would not be here right now.”

“I could have done things differently, too,” he insisted. “We both made mistakes—”

“Not like me.” She closed her eyes. “You told me one lie. How many ways did I hurt you?”

“What I did—” He paused. “It wasn’t just one lie. It was weeks of lying to you. Don’t let me off the hook. I don’t deserve that. I lied to you, I didn’t trust you to keep Sonny’s secret, and then instead of trying to make you understand, instead of apologizing, I nearly married another woman.”

“You didn’t want to marry her,” Elizabeth said with half a smile. He reached across the table to take her hands in his.

“No, but I nearly did. I was standing at the altar, and I realized—” Jason waited for her to look up, to meet his eyes. “I realized that the only person I wanted to make promises to was you, and there was no way I could ever get you to listen to me if I came back to Port Charles with Brenda as my wife. I promise you, I was going to stop it before you and Sonny showed up.”

“Really?” Elizabeth asked. “I mean—”

“I hate that Sonny lied to you, I hate that you were hurt, but I’m glad you were there. That I could get you to listen. You deserve more than that stupid chapel,” he continued, “but I don’t regret any of it.”

“Me either.” She waited a beat. “I’ll be okay in here,” she promised him. “You and Sonny—you only hire the best. Even if she loses tomorrow—”

“She won’t—”

“But if she does,” Elizabeth continued, “I’ll be okay. I know you and Sonny will get me out.”

“Count on that,” he promised. He got to his feet and came around the table to pull her into his arms. She sank into his embrace, burying her face in his chest, his strength chasing the last bit of chill.

“I love you,” she said softly. Elizabeth tilted her head up to meet his eyes.

“I love you, too.” He leaned down and kissed her.

“Enough of that—”

They both jumped when the door opened and Taggert’s voice barked out the command. “Anger Boy, you’re done. She’s heading to booking and lock up.”

Elizabeth could feel Jason’s muscles tensing beneath her fingers. “I’ll be okay,” she reminded him. “And I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Let’s go,” Taggert said. He reached for Elizabeth’s arm. “Now—”

“You know, I used to respect you,” she snapped as she followed him into the squad room.

“Yeah, well, I used to think you were a good person,” he retorted. “I guess we’re both disappointed.”

Jason followed them out of the interrogation room, but wasn’t able to go any farther when Taggert took her into another room—to be fingerprinted and have her mugshot taken.

“I’ll get the fingerprints thrown out,” Diane murmured. “And the mugshot destroyed. There won’t be a record of this when we’re done.”

Jason gritted his teeth, then stalked out of the PCPD, irritated at the idea of Elizabeth spending the night in lock up. If Diane couldn’t get her out of here legally, Jason would get her out any other way he could.

She wasn’t going to spend a minute longer behind bars than necessary.

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Brenda jumped off the sofa and Sonny turned away from the terrace window when Jason came in. “Is she okay?” the brunette asked. “I wanted to come down—”

“Better you stay away,” Jason muttered, dropping his keys on the table. He glared at Sonny. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see if there was anything I could do,” Sonny began. “Jason, we both knew there was a chance—”

“When she came to you after being shot at, why didn’t you take care of it?” Jason demanded.

“I did—I sent men down to the docks—”

“If she’d had Marco—if she’d had the guard I gave her, he never would have let her go down to that pier—” Jason growled. “He told you he was working on a job for me, but it didn’t matter to you, didn’t it?’

“Listen—” Sonny bristled. “If you hadn’t screwed up with her in the first place or just asked Marco—”

“Okay, okay—” Brenda stepped between them as Jason fisted his hands at his side. “This isn’t helping anyone. We need to focus because Luis is going to hear about this, and he’s going to know you’re distracted,” she told Jason. “Which means he’ll come after Sonny —and me. So while Diane is getting Elizabeth out—”

“Alcazar is your problem,” Jason told Sonny. “Take care of it yourself. Elizabeth is the only thing I’m worried about.”

“But—” Brenda began.

“I’ll take care of it,” Sonny said stiffly. “Make sure Elizabeth has what she needs.” He stalked out of the penthouse, slamming the door behind him.

Brenda wrinkled her nose, putting her hands on her hips. “Well, this was productive—”

“Go to bed,” Jason muttered as he went over to the sofa.

“What about you? You need some sleep, too—”

“Go to bed,” he repeated, turning back to face the other woman. “Please.”

“All right.” She hesitated. “Jason, you’ll get her out. I know you—”

“Brenda—”

“I’m going. Good night.”

Jason waited until he heard the door upstairs shut before he sank onto the sofa and put his head in his hands. Even if he could sleep tonight, he wasn’t going upstairs to sleep. Even after only a few nights, he knew that the room and the bed would feel empty without her.

PCPD: Jail

“Last chance,” Taggert said as he pulled the cell closed behind her and slid a key into the lock. Elizabeth looked around at the small space, with the cot in the corner. She was the only prisoner in this part of the jail tonight—the only woman in lockup.

She turned to face him. “Good night, Detective.”

He scowled, then stalked out. A few minutes later, the lights in the lockup went out — the cell was now pitch black.

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and felt her way towards the cot. It wasn’t the crypt. It wasn’t the same. She was safe.

She found the cot, laid down, and curled up in a ball. It wasn’t the same, she reminded herself again. Jason was going to get her out. Just like he had before.

But she still didn’t sleep.

First, thanks so much for your warmth and understanding last night. Sarah, I had completely forgotten I owned a diffuser, so I dug it out and found my peppermint oil. Thanks for that reminder! That actually helped a lot last night and I’m using it this morning as well. I went out this morning to get Excedrin Migraine because that has helped in the past, but I had ran out of it and didn’t have the energy to get yesterday. I feel a lot better this morning, which I had hoped for.

What follows is a little bit of explanation about my history with TMJ so you can see why it flaring up like this is a cause for concern. If you want to skip to the part about FMT, feel free to do so.

My TMJ

Last night, I canceled Flash Fiction Friday because I had a screaming migraine — something that indicated to me my TMJ was back in full force.  I knew my TMJ was creating issues thanks to the diagnosis from my specialist on Thursday on what’s causing my ear problems, but I was really hoping that some of the worst parts would spare me this time.

When I was a sophomore in college back in fall 2010, I took six classes, including two foreign languages classes, and had to write 16 papers in 15 weeks. By the end of the semester, I had these pains in my jaw and could barely sleep. I went to the doctor, then to a specialist and spent about a year on a variety of meds that barely controlled the pain. I was on low-grade anti depressants and taking a combination of like six pills a day, including pills to help me sleep.

In early 2012, I was on a trip to London with friends, and I was so tired and worn out from the flu that I wasn’t paying attention to my meds. Instead of taking the anti-depressants (in low dosages treats TMJ), I took five of the sleeping pills. I realized almost immediately what I’d done, but my best friend and I were freaking out, and I had to force myself to throw up — but I was TERRIFIED to sleep, and so was Lauren.

It was at that point that I knew I didn’t want to control TMJ through medication anymore.  For my last year in class (I graduated in 2013), I really focused on learning to relax and manage stress better, and that mostly worked. I’ve had some flare-ups, mostly during the 2018 semester at grad school when I was doing two grad classes, full time student teaching, working a part-time job, and then lost my grandmother in April.

As you might imagine, this last year really tested my stress levels. I live alone, a lot of my best friends live more than ten minutes away, so we didn’t form a quarantine pod with one another. I’ve struggled in my new job, and the world around us has just made it harder to concentrate on self-care even when I know knew it was important.

To find out that the ear problems I’ve been having is just another symptom of this stress condition I’ve dealt with for ten years — it was kind of my wake up call that I need to take a good look at the things that cause my stress and do what I can to manage, reduce, or even eliminate the stress.

FMT & Stress

I really love the idea of writing and releasing an entire novel at once, then moving on to the next project, but I also have to accept it’s not going to happen with Fool Me Twice. And it’s so disappointing because of all my projects, this should have been the story that made that system work.

Zero percent of my problems have been with the story itself. It’s not like Broken Girl which I had to start three times or Mad World which needed a reset and additional chapters (and a whole extra book). I did a complete discovery for Fool Me Twice, wrote the alpha draft in ten weeks despite working a full-time job, and the edits are not insane. They’re typical — strengthening beats, rewriting/adding a few scenes, and cleaning up inconsistencies. My schedule should have worked. But between the world, my job, and my physical health, it’s just been impossible to keep a schedule with this project. Basically, what this boils down to is that I spent some time thinking about what is creating the stress with FMT and how can I deal with that.

Writing is, unfortunately, the one place in my world, where I have complete control. I have to go to my job, I have to pay my bills, and I need to clean my house and do basic stuff to be a functional adult. In the past, when life has overwhelmed me, when I’ve been in grad school and juggling two jobs, I put writing off. I didn’t write a lot between 2016-2018, I’m sure you guys remember.

But writing is also one of the few spaces that gives me joy. Writing, reading, and my students. These are the things that make the stress worth living through.  Sometimes I thrive on deadlines, and sometimes they make me miserable. Right now, it’s making me miserable.

I don’t want to delay releasing Fool Me Twice to the general public. I love this story. I am so proud of it. I don’t want to wait 2-3 months to publish just so I can drop it in one or two parts.

FMT – Release Updates

Feb 16 – I was originally going to publish the first chapter as a preview before dropping 2-20 on Feb 23. What I’ll publish is the opening scene as an excerpt.

Feb 23 – Chapter 1

Feb 25 – Chapter 2

And then I’ll be publishing on Tues & Thurs for the next few weeks. I have my notes for the first ten chapters and it’s just a clean up situation on those chapters which I can actually finish in a few days. I anticipate having those full ten chapters complete cleaned up and scheduled by this Friday, if not earlier.

That gives me five weeks to get more chapters together. At the end of that five weeks, I’ll reassess. If I’ve finished the full 38 chapter edit after the first five weeks, I’ll drop the whole book. If I don’t, I’ll keep the 2 a week until that full edit is done. I think that’s the best way forward to give me space and time to relax, to focus, and to put out quality work.

Thank you so much for your continued support and understanding. I generally thrive under deadlines, but I have to reset the deadlines right now so I can concentrate on my real life, my health, and still maintaining the parts of writing that gives me joy. I love the creation of my stories, and I love watching you guys read it.

Flash Fiction

At the moment, I plan to be back tonight with Not Knowing When, and back tomorrow with King’s Command. I have Monday off from work, and I’m contemplating doing A King’s Command that evening, but I am not committing to that at this point. I’m going to be relaxing this weekend, and getting ready to return to the building on Feb 16, so I’ve got a lot on my plate this weekend. I also anticipate maintaining my Weekend schedule with Flash Fiction as long as my health improves.