December 3, 2014

This entry is part 13 of 34 in the The Best Thing

Take my hand, I’ll teach you to dance.
I’ll spin you around, won’t let you fall down.
Would you let me lead? You can step on my feet
Give it a try, it’ll be alright

– All About Us, This Is We


June 7, 2005 

Warehouse: Sonny’s Office

Something had changed.

Sonny sat behind his desk and studied his partner, the man whom he still called friend though he had a feeling that was more of a label than a description.

And something was different about him.

Could he ask Jason? Had things been quiet, even stable between them long enough? The last blow up had been more than a month ago, the blow up about Johnny Zacchara’s surveillance. Sonny had continued making his lists to control his conversations and had taken to locking himself in the maid’s room at the penthouse when Carly was at the club and the kids were gone. In that room, he allowed himself to rant, to rave, to scream.

He let the emotions out, hoping that the release would control them. And they were, to a certain extent. He exerted complete control in the areas he could—he carved more time out to cook, concentrating on teaching Michael to eat healthier and spending more time with him in particular.

To keep control in his personal life, so he could keep his cool during business meetings.

He could do this.

Sonny cleared his throat and glanced at his list. Jason. Mickey. Trucks. He could do this. “Ah, your sister’s wedding went well, I guess.”

Jason nodded, his expression guarded. “It did, she and Nikolas are in Greece for the honeymoon.” He shifted, looking almost uncomfortable. “I haven’t been by since because—”

Sonny held up a hand. “If there was something to report, you’d tell me.” He laid his hands flat on the desk, because sometimes just that centered him. “Um, you doing okay? I mean…” He paused. “Elizabeth doing okay?”

Jason didn’t answer right away, but Sonny didn’t let the irritation rise, didn’t feel it crawl into his throat. Maybe it was going to be okay. He had worked hard the last few weeks to get himself under control.

Once he could control the dark moments, he could eliminate them.

‘She’s fine,” Jason answered finally. “We, decided, ah…” He glanced away, seemed to make some sort of internal decision before meeting Sonny’s eyes. “We’re seeing each other.”

This was not going to be a problem. Elizabeth was a good woman with a beautiful child. She had always cared for Jason, would be good to him. Would be good to Evie.

And Sonny, above all, knew that he wanted what was best for Evie.

He knew he wasn’t. Not until he could control himself.

“Good,” Sonny said finally, hoping it had not taken him too long to answer, but Jason seemed to understand that that extra pause was a good thing. He was thinking before he spoke, weighing his words. “Ah, it’s nothing I didn’t expect to hear, but it’s good, you know? I know you don’t believe me, but I always liked her.”

“I know. She…” Jason shifted again. “She said the same about you.”

“Good, good.” Sonny crossed Jason’s name off the list. “You haven’t reported in about the surveillance, so I figure we don’t know anything new.”

“No.” Jason shook his head, and now the frustration Sonny had been feeling filtered into his expression. “We’re not closer to figuring out who took the truck and took out Mickey. The Ruiz brothers are in Miami, no movement from them. No unexplained meetings or calls. I told Roscoe to stay on it, to see if I could move another man down there to cover one of the brothers.”

“And…the Zaccharas?” Sonny asked. He would make it through this. If Jason told him Johnny wasn’t involved, this time Sonny was determined to trust his judgment. Jason had no reason to protect Johnny, this man had met Elizabeth who was no longer just a friend.

Jason sighed. “I had Jimmy on Anthony. No movement there, but Anthony doesn’t leave Crimson Manor that often. People come to him. Nothing out of the ordinary, according to him, but it’s tough. Can’t tap his phones because there’s always someone there. He’s looking into ways to get more information. I told Stan to get some tech help, so Stan found someone to take on that work. I’ll know more in a week or so.”

He was quiet a moment. “I talked to our Johnny about Johnny Zacchara, and he recommended Francis. So I pulled him up from the island. He’s covered Zacchara, but mostly it’s galleries and restaurants when the kid is in the city. He’s in Port Charles often.”

“How often?” Sonny winced when he heard the sharp tone in his voice. No. Let him finish.

“A few nights a week,” Jason admitted. “His girlfriend has a place, Zacchara is there most of the time.” He stopped for a moment. “He goes to Luke’s a lot. And he was at Jake’s one night, playing pool.”

Something in his voice had shifted there. There was something Jason wasn’t saying. “And?” Sonny demanded. He didn’t notice that his hands were balled into fists.

“And he played a game of pool with a guy who used to work for Alcazar,” Jason admitted. “But Francis seemed to think Johnny didn’t know the guy. He came in late, his girlfriend was already there with some friends from work. He played the game to kill time and then he left with Nadine.”

“You didn’t think to lead with this?”

How the hell was he supposed to trust the bastard when Jason kept lying to him? And damn it if it wasn’t a lie to tell them they had nothing to go on.

“I didn’t…I know how you were going to look at it,” Jason said, but his tone was placating, Sonny could fucking hear that endless note of patience. Fucking Sonny is crazy again, just be calm, just be measured.

He wasn’t a damned child.

“You keep telling me this son of a bitch is innocent,” Sonny snarled. “Why the hell can’t you see it? He’s the only enemy running tame in my territory, he’s around when shipments go missing, when trucks get hijacked. He’s talking to Alcazar’s fucking men, and you’re telling me the little shit is innocent?”

He was out of his chair now, his balled fists on the desk as he leaned forward.

Jason dipped his head, and Sonny hated him in that moment because the bastard was just trying to think how to answer him, how to keep Sonny calm.

“What do I have to do to make you see I know what the hell I’m talking about?” Sonny continued, his voice rising. “Haven’t I made sacrifices to show you I’m in control, but you keep fucking treating me like I’m going to lose it, like I don’t know my own organization. Damn you, Jason, I gave you my daughter. When the fuck are you going to start trusting me?”

Jason raised his head but the placating expression was gone, his eyes were angry, his mouth tight. “You think you gave me Evie?” he retorted. He also got to his feet, his clenched fists at his side. “Is that what you think happened?”

Taken aback by the tone because Jason rarely confronted him, Sonny straightened. “What do you call it?” he snapped. “You have her, I don’t.”

“I call it cleaning up another one of your goddamn messes.” Jason stepped forward. “I shouldn’t have changed those results. I admit that was a mistake. But you kept it going. You decided that I was right, that Carly would destroy those boys in the divorce. You strung Sam along, making her feel like trash, making her feel like Evie would always be an afterthought to Michael and Morgan.”

“And you didn’t reassure her, did you?” His head was spinning, his blood spoiling. “You fucking took your chance to have your own family. Were you fucking her after all?”

Jason shook his head, the disgust on his face clear. “She died pleading with me to keep her daughter from you. And I promised her I would take care of Evie. But if you had wanted her that night, if you had asked me to sign over guardianship, I would have done that, Sonny.”

“Oh, but now it’s too late?” Sonny stalked around the side of his desk and jabbed his finger at Jason. “Is that what this is? You taking a stand, Jason?”

“What do you want me to say?” Jason spread his arms out wide. “You made the decision to let it stand. You chose to leave Evie with me. You didn’t give her to me, you just kept your life from blowing up.”

“This is payback for Michael isn’t it?” Sonny demanded. “For taking him in, for adopting him. He was yours—”

“He was never mine.” Jason’s hands fell to the side. “And Evie’s not mine. Not really. But she was Sam’s. What did we always say about Carly’s right to keep AJ out of Michael’s life?”

“Don’t you fucking turn this around on me—”

“I’m not. You want me to take a stand, Sonny? Fine. You used Sam and made her feel like nothing. You signed paperwork without reading it, and terminated your parental rights. And you chose to let that stand when you learned that I had guardianship and you were nothing to her.” Jason stepped forward. “Sam made her choice. And you made yours. You’re going to have to live with that.”

Before Sonny could say something—anything—Jason had slammed the door behind him.

Son a bitch.

Port Charles Municipal Building: Hallway

“Thank you again, Ms. Webber,” Mayor Garrett Floyd said as he walked her out of his office. “That painting is exactly what I wanted.”

“Well, I’ve never worked on commission before,” she admitted as they stopped in front of a bank of elevators. “But I was intrigued by your request. Just a lot of blue.” She readjusted her purse strap. “I’m glad you like it.”

“We’re very proud of you, Ms. Webber,” the mayor told her. “One of the new leading lights of the art world is a hometown sweetheart. I want to make sure everyone sees my Webber original.”

Because now he had amped up the charm, and his hand that been casually guiding her forward on her upper arm slid down to cup her elbow, Elizabeth sighed. Well, at least he paid first. She stepped back.

“It means a lot that so many in town have been supportive of my work,” she remarked. “Did I tell you that Jason Morgan was at my showing in New York?” She laughed, the sound almost artificial. “He should have known with our relationship, I would have just given him the painting.”

Floyd’s hand dropped to his side, his smile disappeared. “Your, ah, relationship.” One giant step back. “Ah, yes. I remember hearing something to that effect. Well, then.” He coughed. “I’ll just…have a nice day, Ms. Webber.”

“Sack of crap,” she muttered when he had turned the corner back to his office. She jabbed the down button.

“Nicely done, Elizabeth.”

It was the first time in more than a year she had heard his voice directed at her. She slowly turned to find Ric standing there, in a suit and carrying a briefcase.

“Ric,” her voice still flat from her conversation with the mayor.

“I’m sorry.” And now he shifted, seeming uncomfortable. “I know…that we had, I suppose, an unspoken agreement to just…co-exist without interaction—”

The doors slid open, but Elizabeth just stood there. Better to let him get this done so she could go home, feed Cameron, and then meet Jason at Jake’s.

That’s all she wanted to do right now, particularly after dealing with the oily mayor and now seeing her ex-husband.

“We did, and I was satisfied with how that was working out.” She switched her bag to her other shoulder, just to have something to do with her hands. “What’s changed your mind?”

“I, ah, didn’t want you to hear it from anyone but us, because I just…” Ric exhaled harshly. “I’ve never been good to you, Elizabeth. I didn’t know if you’d even care, but—”

“Spit it out, Ric. I have other things to do with my life.” She folded her arms in front of her, her heeled toe beginning to tap against the marble floor.

“Alexis and I are having a child,” Ric said quickly. “I just—”

Her hands fell to her side, her mouth parted. “Oh.” Her stomach twisted, but she couldn’t understand why. “Well, that’s nice.”

“I just…” His hand reached out, but dropped before he could finish extending it. “I wanted to…make amends. To make sure that…everything is okay.”

“That what is okay?” Elizabeth retorted. “What do you want from me, Ric?”

“I—” He looked away. “I just wanted you to be happy—Alexis mentioned that you were seeing Jason again—”

“What I do is none of your business,” Elizabeth cut in. “Do you want me to wish you happiness, Ric? Tell you all is forgiven? Is that what you need to hear?”

“Elizabeth—”

“How about this?” She hit the elevator button. “I don’t think about you much at all, Ric. You’re out of my life and that’s just the way I like it.”

Jake’s

Jason straightened and turned away from the pool table when he heard the outside door to the bar open. Elizabeth walked in, took in the empty room, dumped her purse on a chair and walked straight towards him. When she wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her head to his chest, his arms automatically slid around her shoulders.

“Hey. Bad day?”

She nodded, and some of his own anger and frustration slid away in response to hers. How often in the last few weeks had she listened to him talk about his problems with Sonny and Carly without asking for anything in return?

He slid his fingertips down the soft, thin material of her light purple sun dress. “What happened?” he asked.

“God.” Her voice was muffled. “The world.”

“Okay.” He released her for a moment in order to set his pool cue awkwardly behind him on the table, before tilting her chin up to look at him. “I thought you were dropping a painting at the mayor’s.”

“I did.” She glanced away. “That was fine. I mean, he hit on me afterward, but—”

Jason scowled and stood up straight, dislodging her temporarily. “What?”

“Don’t worry, that was just…a minor annoyance.” She waved a hand. “I only had to mention your name before he turned as white as a sheet and hurried away.” Her hands slid from his back to the belt loops of his jeans. “I don’t think I’ll be hearing from Floyd again.”

Setting that aside, Jason nodded. “So what happened?” he asked again.

Elizabeth tilted her head back, her hair falling like a waterfall down her back. “Ric was there.”

Stupid little piece of scum. This world would have been a lot better if Jason had been allowed to wipe him from the planet years ago. “What did he do?” he demanded. “I can take care of Ric—”

“It’s not him so much as…” She pursed her lips. “He wanted to tell me that Alexis is pregnant, because he thought it would bother me if I heard it from someone else, like I’d be blindsided.” She rolled her eyes. “God. As if I spend my time thinking about him and his new wife.”

“Okay,” Jason drawled, tilting his head. “So if the pregnancy doesn’t bother you…”

“It’s just…” She shook her head and looked down. “I hate seeing him. I hate remembering who I was when I was with him—” Elizabeth wrapped one arm around her waist and used the other to cover her eyes. “How little I must have valued myself to swallow his lies, to believe in him—”

“Hey.” He reached for the hand over her eyes and took it between both of his own. “Hey. Don’t do this to yourself.”

“It makes me angry, Jason.” Now with her chin tilted up, her eyes flashing . “How could I do that to myself? To let myself be degraded that way? I let myself believe that I deserved to be used, that I couldn’t do better—”

“But you don’t believe that anymore.” His chest burning, he gripped her hand more tightly. He hated watching her do this to herself, to castigate herself for a mistake that she’d already fixed. “You told me that yourself, remember?”

“I know.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I know. I just…sometimes I forget. I was standing there, listening to him talk about amends and how he wants me to be happy—” She rolled her eyes. “And I just…don’t know how I let that happen to me.”

“You have to forgive yourself,” he told her. “You said it was easier when you and Ric just ignored each other’s existence, but it’s clear that’s not going to be an option.” Unless Ric did something that warranted him being tossed from a moving car. “So you’re going to have to forgive yourself.”

“I…” She pressed her lips together. “I did, Jason. I-I told you that I was in therapy last year, that I realized why I was with him—”

“Knowing the reasons why is different from forgiving yourself. Elizabeth, you did the best you could. You saw it was wrong, and you got out.” The back of his hand slid down the soft skin of her cheek before sliding into her hair. “You started a new life. You told me that you had finally stopped seeing yourself as broken.”

“I know.” She swiped at her eyes. “God. I know. Maybe I left therapy too soon. It’s so easy to say I’m past it all when Ric’s not in my life. But it’s arrogant to pretend five months of therapy can solve years of unhealthy choices.” Her smile was shaky but genuine, so the tightness in his chest eased.

“I just…wish you could see you the way I do.” He brushed his lips lightly against hers, feeling some of the tension bleed away from her shoulders. “You’re so strong.”

She huffed and looked away, but her cheeks flushed slightly. “Jason—”

“It would have been so easy to stay in California. You were making a good life for yourself there. I know Port Charles holds a lot of bad memories, you didn’t have to come back and face them.” He tilted his head a bit, trying to meet her eyes. “Elizabeth, I know it’s…going to take more time, but you can’t keep looking at Ric Lansing and blaming yourself. You’re better than that, and you deserve more than that.”

“I know.” She nodded. “I do know that. I came home to get my life back, because staying away would be like running away. And I’m so glad I did.” Her fingers gripped the material of his shirt. “Because I found you. And this…being with you, has been worth it. I’m not just talking about the last week or so, but since the minute I sat down on the bench last winter…” Raising herself up on her tips of her toes, she pressed her lips to his.

“I’m glad,” he murmured.

She drew back after a moment and glanced around the bar. “Where is everyone anyway?”

“I…paid Coleman to close the place for the night.” Jason gestured towards the table where she had dumped her purse. “Do you want a beer?”

Elizabeth frowned and eyed the vodka bottle next to the open bottle of beer, with a few shot glasses next to it. She looked back at him, her arms sliding away from his waist. “Did…did something happen today?” she asked. “It’s…not like you to close the place. You…like the atmosphere here. You told me no one bothers you here.”

“I just…didn’t want to be around people,” he said after a moment, but he already knew he was going to tell her what had happened earlier. It was too important not to, but he’d hoped to wait a little longer. Their relationship could never be normal, but he’d hoped for something resembling it tonight.

“Okay.” She drew in her bottom lip. “I…did you want to talk about it?”

He sighed and reached for the pool cue. “Not really. Do you want to play?”

“I’d rather watch you.”

As he lined up a shot, Elizabeth took one of the empty shot glasses, filled it with vodka, and tossed it back like it was water.

“Do you remember the last time we were in here?” she asked after he had taken the shot and sent two balls into the corner pocket. He glanced up to find her leaning over the table slightly.

“Uh…yeah.” He stood and rounded the table for another shot. “The last time I came home.”

“Mmmhmm…” Elizabeth walked towards him, her fingers drifting over the cheap wood the table. “You taught me to play.”

“I tried.” Jason straightened and turned as she approached him, setting the cue on the table. “You weren’t really paying attention.” And they’d been interrupted, but he wasn’t going to say that. That was before, and it didn’t matter now.

“Well, I was very distracted.” She stepped in front of him, and turned so that her back was pressed against his front. She reached for his hands and pulled them around her waist. “You had your arms around me…” She tilted her head back and he leaned down, brushing his lips on the soft skin just behind her ear. “I could feel your breath on my skin…”

“I wanted to kiss you,” he admitted, his thumbs sliding across the soft cotton, her skin almost burning beneath his skin.

“You have no idea how many dreams…” Elizabeth turned in his arms, her lips a breath away. “How many times I fantasized about that moment, about being in your room…that day you washed my makeup away…” Her fingers brushed over his cheek. “I had this one dream about you and my little black dress…peeling it off with your teeth…”

He was tired of the teasing, of the images of she’d created in his mind. For too many years, Elizabeth herself had been a fantasy, a vision he could not bring himself to trust, to hope for. He remembered that dress, remembered the gloves she had left in his room. He could still smell the scent of her perfume, the way her skin felt beneath his fingers as he watched his face.

Still remember the almost mocking vision of her in his room, smiling at him.

He closed his mouth over hers, his hands sliding to her waist, gripping her hips tightly, dragging her closer to him. Her fists were tangled in his shirt, one of her legs sliding around his waist, trying to get closer.

He drew back. “Elizabeth—”

“Is upstairs empty?” she asked, her hands tangled in his hair. She nipped at his lip. “Maybe your old room?”

Jake’s: Upstairs Room

“When do you have to be home?”

Elizabeth raised her head from Jason’s chest, blinking at him. “Hmm? Oh. No special time. Gram put Cameron to bed for me.”

His fingertips resumed the light stroking of her spine, her toes almost curling from the shivers. This moment…the last hour or so…had been everything she’d dreamed about and more.

“I’ve been trying so hard not to see all of this as a second chance,” she murmured. “Because I don’t really think we ever had a proper first one.”

“Oh?” His hand slid all the way up her back and into her hair.

Elizabeth propped herself up on her elbows to peer more closely at him in the dim light offered by the moon filtering through the old blinds. “I mean, we had chances but…you know, I just…don’t think either of us were ready.” She smiled faintly. “But maybe we were supposed to find each other this time.”

“I don’t know about any of that,” he said after a moment. “I just know the day I looked up and saw you standing at the bottom of the stairs at the docks…” He hesitated. “I don’t know how to explain it. It was like…finding something you didn’t even know you were looking for or was lost.”

She closed her eyes, her smile spreading. “I know exactly what you mean. I came home to raise my little boy, to be with my family. I told myself I was done with love, with romance because there wasn’t room for it. But Emily was right.”

He laughed, turning flat on his back. “Don’t ever tell her that.”

“Believe me, I’ll save that for when we have a really big fight.” She bit her lip. “She asked me not to walk away from it if I found it again, and I’m so glad I listened to her, Jason.”

“She told me the same thing.” His finger slid over her brow, as if tracing her features, and then fell away. He slid up the back board a bit, so he was sitting up. “I should tell you what happened earlier today.”

Elizabeth drew her legs up, so she was sitting across from him, tugging the sheet over her body. “Another fight with Sonny?”

“Yeah.” He leaned over and switched on the bedside light. He looked weary. “But it was…it was different.” Jason was quiet for a moment. “I know I always tell you there are things you can’t know—”

“And I really get that,” Elizabeth began, but he held up a hand.

“But there’s also things I should tell you because it’s…” He lifted a shoulder. “It’s different now.”

“Like when Johnny Zacchara introduced his girlfriend to us but hadn’t told her anything.”

“Right.” He reached for her hand. “I need you to know the people involved. Your guard will know people by sight, but I want you to be aware.”

“Okay.” Elizabeth nodded. “Whatever you need.”

Jason exhaled slowly. “Without going into detail, there’s been trouble lately. You know that because I put Milo on you a few months ago, but even before that, he was just…I asked him to be around.”

“I figured when I saw him at Kelly’s every time I was there and had never seen him before.” She squeezed his hand.

“Right. Well, we don’t know where the trouble is coming from which makes it difficult because we have to keep our eyes on everyone.”

“And you and Sonny disagree on who to keep your eye on?” Elizabeth tilted her head. “But…hasn’t that sort of thing always been your strength? What Sonny expects from you?”

“Yeah.” He dipped his head. “There’s…one person in particularly. Sonny is convinced he’s the guilty party, but I don’t…I just don’t see it. I put a guy on him anyway.” He sighed. “And this idiot just…does things that doesn’t help his situation. Makes him look guilty. And I can’t not tell Sonny these things because then it’ll make him think I’m keeping things from him.”

“And that’s what happened today?” Elizabeth asked. “Jason—”

“That’s how it started,” he told her. “But it…he said that I should trust him, trust his instincts, that he’d been trying to prove that I should by giving me Evie.”

“Giving?” she repeated, frowning. “That’s…not what happened.”

“No,” he agreed. “And I told him so. He accused me of sleeping with Sam—” He stopped and met her eyes. “Which never happened, Elizabeth. I promise—”

“I know that,” she murmured. She’d heard some snickers, wisps of rumors that she’d been a rebound. While most of the town had never accepted Evie’s paternity, they had assumed Jason and Sam were sleeping together.

“It just…he threw Michael in my face, wanting to know if keeping Evie was payback for his adoption…and I told him that he’d made the choice to let Sam’s con stand when Evie was born.” He closed his eyes. “And he asked me if that meant it was too late for him to change his mind.”

She knew how the conversation must have ended for Jason to have waited all night to discuss this but her heart broke all the same. “What did you tell him?”

“That I was choosing my promise to Sam, the way I chose to protect Carly from AJ. I—I had never told him before…about Sam’s last request. About her pleas to keep him away. I told him we’d all made our choices.”

“You told him you were keeping Evie.”

“Not in those words, but he knew that’s what I meant.” He shook his head. “I didn’t even know I was going to say it until it happened. I know we talked about it, about refusing to sign over guardianship. I really didn’t know what I was going to do until it happened.”

“What made you decide?” she asked softly.

“I thought about what you said at Christmas. About Evie and her best interests. That’s…it’s what Sam wanted me to do, to protect her daughter. And I don’t…trust Sonny. Not the way he is now.” Jason drew her closer, his arm around her, her head tucked into his chest. “The thought of putting Evie into Sonny and Carly’s care…I can’t do it. If Sonny would just…let himself crash so we could dig him back out, maybe.”

“But as long as he holds himself in check, you’ll maintain the status quo?” Elizabeth asked. “Jason, what if he calls your bluff? What if he tells Carly?”

“He’d have to sue me for custody,” Jason told her. “He’d have to win in court to force my hand. I-I didn’t want it be like this. I thought maybe it would be temporary.”

Maybe. Or maybe he’d just put his head down and avoided thinking about it, but Elizabeth knew he’d hoped deep down that somehow, some miracle could be wrought to fix the damage. “I know,” she murmured. “But you’re right. Evie should come first. And you know if Sonny were the man he used to be, he’d see that, too. He went back to Carly for Michael and Morgan, didn’t he?”

“He did, but I wish he hadn’t.” He was quiet for a long moment. “You don’t think I should wait for Sonny to make the next move.”

“I think…” Elizabeth drawled, “that you probably have enough on your plate without making the situation worse. If you’re having business troubles, that should be the focus. I’m sure Sonny, in his more stable moments, feels the same. Find out who’s giving you issues. If Sonny wants to push this, if he wants to make an unstable and possibly dangerous situation worse, well then, that’s his prerogative.” She looked up at him. “I wish I could do more, Jason. I feel like listening isn’t enough.”

“It’s…everything.” He leaned down to brush his lips against hers.

Later, as they both reluctantly dressed to return to their respective homes and children, Jason put a hand on Elizabeth’s upper arm. “Would you…tomorrow night. I…” He shook his head slightly. “Would you come over tomorrow and spend the night?”

She wanted to. After tonight, she wanted to spend every night with him, but… “I don’t know, Jason. Cam is pretty good about my grandmother or my brother putting him to sleep, but he likes having me there in the morning—”

“No, I mean…” He drew her closer. “You said you wanted me to be important to Cam. To be part of his life.”

“I do.”

“I want you to be in Evie’s life. To be important to her.” He hesitated. “So I want you to bring Cam over. For you both to be there. I-I can give Nora the night off, she’s already off on Mondays.”

“Oh.” Her cheeks were burning, her heart pounding. She knew what an important step this was, even if Jason couldn’t quite articulate it. It was the start of blending their two lives together. Of their children becoming part of what was happening between them.

Did she want to take that risk? To open her heart to Evie, to let Jason be so much a part of Cam’s life?

“Of course. I can’t wait.” She kissed him firmly to show him her hesitation was unimportant. They had a chance to really make a life together and she couldn’t wait to find out where it was going.

December 2, 2014

So I’m about go write the last part of this story so I can send it off to Cora, and decided, eh, I don’t want to wait any longer to post. I have amazing issues. I’ll be posting the next part Sunday (maybe Saturday, haven’t quite decided yet).  So here’s the kick off for Christmas:  All I Want For Christmas, Part One.

I also added another article in the Fanfiction 101 series: The Peaks and Perils of Pantsing.

I’ll be back tomorrow with The Best Thing, Chapter 13.

This entry is part 1 of 9 in the All I Want For Christmas

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Soon the bells will start
And the thing that will make them ring
Is the carol that you sing
Right within your heart

It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas, Michael Buble


December 1

ELQ: Jason Morgan’s Office

The moment his younger sister waltzed into his office with a bright smile, Jason Morgan should have known she was up to something.

“My wonderful brother!”

Jason rose to his feet. “Emily, I’m kind of in the middle of something, so if you need something—”

Emily draped herself elegantly in the white chair in front of his desk and waved him away. “This won’t take more than a minute. I have the most incredible news!”

“Your Christmas parties aren’t going to cost this company a single cent?” Jason cautiously resumed his seat and set aside the projected quarterly earnings. “Because that would be news.”

“My parties, as you so generously term them, are the reason people work at ELQ, the reason why we have such an amazing public reputation. At a time when huge corporations are seen as the Anti-Christ, ELQ is—”

“Yeah, yeah.” Not in the mood to deal with his sister’s impassioned defense of her position as the event planner for ELQ, Jason leaned back. “What’s the news?”

“I’ll be spending the entire month in Greece,” she declared, clasping her hands to her chest with a dreamy sigh. “White beaches, cabanas, a private island—”

Jason set down his pen. “This month?” he asked. “You’re going to Greece this month?”

She blinked her caramel colored eyes with a practiced innocence he did not believe for a minute. “It’s the best time, you know—”

“This month,” he repeated. “December. The month in which ELQ is committed to throwing no less than five ridiculous events in the span of two weeks.”

“Well, yes, I do feel bad about that,” Emily said. “But so much work has already been done that I feel completely confident leaving those details in your hands.”

“In my hands—” Jason stopped and took a deep breath. His sister was a wonderful, warm, and witty person, but unfortunately, she was also a bit ditzy. “Emily, did you happen to notice the paperwork on my desk?”

She blinked at it. “You always have paperwork on your desk.”

“What about the title on the damn door?”

Emily actually twisted in her seat to look. “Jason Morgan, Chief Financial Officer. So? It’s not like you’re totally in charge. You, AJ, Ned are all kind of the boss. They thought it was a fantastic idea.”

His half-brother and cousin would absolutely find this hysterical, but Jason wasn’t in the mood for their jokes. “Emily, this is the busiest time of the year for me. End of the year earnings, projected earnings for the next year—and that’s not even the majority of what I do—”

“I’m not leaving you completely by yourself.” Emily rolled her eyes. “Honestly, Jason. You have no eye for design. I have an assistant, you know. She’ll do quite a bit, but you’re best suited to approve and sign off on contracts.”

“Your assistant.” Jason exhaled slowly. “And that’s still Elizabeth?”

“See, I knew you’d remember meeting her. She’s only been with me since Labor Day, but my God, she is an incredible designer, with such an attention to detail. She’s—”

“Fantastic,” Jason finished dryly. “I remember her.” Particularly at the company Halloween party when she’d been costumed as Helen of Troy.

And afterward, when she’d been costumed in quite a bit less.

“I knew you’d understand.” Emily rose to her feet. “I’m already late meeting Nikolas at the airstrip, and Elizabeth is waiting outside to go over the details—”

“Right now?” Jason demanded. “Emily, you cannot do this.”

“Are you going to tell me I can’t take a vacation?” Emily planted a hand on her hip and arched a brow. “Jason, when was the last time I took time off?”

Jason pressed his lips together. Never. Emily threw not only the lavish events that garnered them such public attention, but smaller events at their subsidiaries all over the world. At any given moment, she’d be zipping off to throw charity events or even plan retirement parties for long-time employees.

His sister, while flighty and occasionally ditzy, worked her ass off.

“If I do this, you have to promise you will never do this again without warning. I’m talking like a thirty days notice.”

“You are fantastic.” When Jason rounded the desk to walk her out into reception, she pressed a kiss to his cheek. “The best of brothers.”

“Don’t let AJ hear you say that.”

Emily waved that away as they emerged from Jason’s office where his executive assistant was behind his desk and Elizabeth Webber was perched in a chair, a slim leather portfolio in her hands.

“It’s all settled, Elizabeth. Have an amazing holiday!”

With another wave, Emily had disappeared into the elevator. Once the doors closed, Jason turned his attention to her assistant. “Ah, Elizabeth, do you want to come in?”

“Sure.” The petite brunette rose. “I suppose she didn’t tell you anything about her grand vacation until five minutes ago?”

“That would be correct.” He gestured for her to head into the office. “Did you want something to drink? Coffee?”

“Oh, no.” Elizabeth stood there, the folder in her arms acting almost as a barrier between them. They stood there, just inside his office, for nearly a full minute before she cleared her throat. “So maybe we should go over the basics or did you…” She shifted. “I mean, I can technically handle the majority of this—”

“No, no.” Jason indicated that she should take a seat. “Listen, I promised my sister I would do this, and the holiday season is pretty important to the company, so…”

“Right.” She waited for him to take his seat before flipping open her folder. “Well, there are five events planned at the moment. There are two Christmas parties, one for the shareholders and their friends and families on the twenty-third. Another for the local Port Charles society, the usual—that’s on the twenty-fourth. There’s also the Christmas party ELQ sponsors on Christmas Eve for General Hospital and Mercy Hospital during the day. And then New Year’s Eve gala, for shareholders and Port Charles society alike.”

“That doesn’t…seem like a lot.” Jason reached for a pen. “What’s been done so far?”

“Well, the venues have all been secured and the hospitals have signed the contracts. I need to develop themes for all the parties, which Emily tells me is usually done that last moment for…” Elizabeth wrinkled her nose. “I suppose that’s for spontaneity.”

“Christ.” Jason shook his head. “I’m no good at any of that—”

“No, I mean, I can deal with all of that. Honestly, I’ll mostly just need you to sign paperwork and contracts with the various vendors.” Elizabeth pursed her lips and looked down. “Emily manages to juggle all of this all the time. I can do it once.”

“Right.” Jason cleared his throat. “So, um, how about we set up a daily meeting to go over the details. To stay on top of things. Emily’s reputation as an event planner is important to her, so I don’t want to damage that.” Even if she did decide to abandon him during their busiest and most high profile season.

Leaving him alone with her assistant.

Whom he had not spoken with in four weeks.

Since the morning after Halloween.

“Daily meetings,” Elizabeth repeated. “That—that sounds fine.” She closed her portfolio. “Um, Emily signed the contracts for the venues before she left, but should I have them sent over?”

“Uh, yeah, just so I’m familiar with the clauses in case it becomes important.”

When she stood, he followed suit. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said as she moved towards the door.

“Right.” He coughed lightly. “Ah, Elizabeth, is there anything else maybe we should talk about?”

She blinked at him, much the way his sister had earlier. “No. Nothing I can think of.”

She closed the door behind him, and he sat back down.

This was going to be a long month.

The Loft: Living Room

Elizabeth collapsed on the sofa with her hand covering her eyes. “Oh, my God.”

“I sense a disturbance in the force,” one of her roommates murmured to the other. Shuffling ensued as Robin Scorpio and Nadine Crowell crowded around her.

“I hate the world.”

“Boys?” Nadine said to Robin, who nodded sagely. “I’ll get the Rocky Road.”

Elizabeth propped herself up on her elbows. “No…this calls for the Godiva.”

“Whoa…” Nadine halted in her steps. “That is quite the disturbance.”

Robin sat on the end of the sofa, raising Elizabeth’s legs to place them in her lap. “Spill it, sister.”

“Not until I have passed out the goodies.” Nadine closed the drawer where they kept the emergency chocolate, handed one bar to each woman before sitting cross-legged on the sturdy wooden coffee table.

“Now that we’ve assumed our positions.” Elizabeth sat up and drew her legs underneath her body as she unwrapped the dark chocolate raspberry bar. “Remember Halloween?”

“Ooh, with Hottie McHotster and the Night of Passion.”

“Oh, hell…” Robin blinked. “You’re pregnant.”

“What?” Elizabeth shuddered. “God, no. This is worse.”

“There’s something worse than children?” Nadine asked Robin. “Like what? Death?”

“You’re a pediatric nurse,” Robin said. “Try and act like it.”

“Other people’s children are fine. I just don’t want any of my own. They stink. They’re smelly—”

“If we could,” Elizabeth said, annoyed. “I’m not pregnant. You know my boss Emily?”

She’s Hottie McHotster?” Nadine gasped.

Robin and Elizabeth both stared at her until the blonde flushed. “What? It’s a reasonable question.”

“She took off for the entire month, putting all the holiday parties in my hands.” Elizabeth sighed. “And her brother’s.”

Nadine hesitated. “Which…one? I don’t want to leap to another conclusion.”

“You slept with Jason Morgan,” Robin said, her eyes wide. “The CFO of ELQ. Holy crap, Elizabeth. Don’t you think this should have been covered with a bottle of wine weeks ago?”

“Yeah. Talk about hot. He practically sizzles.” Nadine sighed, her blue eyes dreamy. “And those eyes. That smile.”

“Because it’s ridiculous.” Elizabeth pressed her hands to her face. “I mean, God. It was just…a moment of insanity.”

“Only a moment?” Nadine’s face fell. “Because I would have pegged him for more than a—”

“Nadine.” Robin rolled her eyes. “This is more than a Godiva.” She pursed her lips. “Liz, this is a Mount Eden moment.”

“Really? I would have thought it rated at least Elsa Bianchi.” Nadine got to her to feet. “Ooh, what about the Iron Horse? We were saving it for Christmas Eve, but—”

“Do you hear this? This is exactly what’s wrong with all of this. Do you think Jason Morgan and his family have to weigh every moment to make sure they’re worthy of expensive wine?” With a huff, Elizabeth fell back on the sofa. “And I want the Mount Eden.”

“Oh, well that’s a pile of phooey.” Nadine tugged the requested bottle from the wine rack in the kitchen and returned to the coffee table, clutching three wine-glasses by the stems.

“Seriously,” Robin agreed as she took her glass from Nadine. “I grew up in Port Charles, and the Q’s are not—” She pursed her lips. “Okay, this generation is nothing like the rest of them. Emily went to public school with me. I was like two years behind Jason. He’s a good guy. Money is incidental to him.”

“Wait, wait, before we dissect Elizabeth’s nonsense, I want all the details she left out of the Halloween story.” Nadine resumed her position on the table. “Let me recap for the audience. Elizabeth takes my fantastic advice and dresses up like Helen of Troy.”

“Didn’t Jason just go as a CFO?” Robin wrinkled her nose. “I can’t remember anymore. He hates to dress up.”

“He was in a Hugo Boss tuxedo, I pretended he was James Bond,” Elizabeth said. “So, after the Irish Trash Can cocktail Nadine dared me to drink—”

“Because you’re five and can’t turn down a dare,” Robin cut in.

“I may have slid up to him and…” Elizabeth moaned and bowed her head. “Listen. You have to understand. Emily’s department is on the same floor as his. I arrive at the same time sometimes. And I just…he’s so gorgeous. And nice. Ugh. I’ve wanted to jump him since day one.”

“And I helped,” Nadine said proudly, raising her glass in the air. “I rock.”

“So you hit on him first?” Robin asked. “Because I love that. Women should take charge of their sexuality.”

“Well, no. I approached him, and he said something about gladly launching a thousand ships if it meant I’d smile at him.”

“Oh, that’s so dorky. I love it. Fantastic opening line.” Nadine sighed. “You’re a lucky bitch.”

“And then you jumped him.” Robin said. “Because I saw you walk across the room and then I didn’t see you again until you did the walk of shame the next morning.”

“Well, I might have told him that I’d smile at him any time, anywhere, any place if he would just say my name again.” She closed her eyes. “He always drops his voice just slightly, like an octave. It makes me tingly.”

“I’m confused.” Nadine leaned forward. “Was the sex, like, bad? Because at the moment, I’d sleep with him.”

“No, the sex was fantastic. Ridiculous. Life-ruining.” Elizabeth took a hasty gulp. “I woke up the next morning and realized I’d nailed my boss—”

“Well, you technically nailed your boss’s brother—”

“Shut it you.” Elizabeth pointed her finger at Nadine. “Don’t help.”

“What did you say the next morning then?” Robin asked. “What did he say?”

“Um, I told him this was insane, completely unprofessional and that I was sorry. Then I booked it.”

Robin reached for the wine glass. “You’re a moron, you don’t deserve the Mount Eden.” To Nadine, she said, “Go get her the Arbor Mist.”

“Whoa, Robin is pissed. That’s a serious downgrade.” Nadine wiggled her eyebrows. “But you’re going to be working with Hottie McHotster, so you know…potential.”

“He has not said one word to me in the last four weeks,” Elizabeth said. “He’s moved on.”

“Because you ran.” Robin leaned forward. “Elizabeth, if he gives you the green light, I’m begging you as a single woman, have sex with that man.”

“Yeah, if we can’t, you should be.” Nadine nodded. “Agree you’ll go for it, and Robin will give back your wine.”

Elizabeth narrowed her eyes. “Do I have to list all the reasons why this is a bad idea?”

“Nope, just remember the one reason it’s a great idea.” Robin held out her wine. “Great sex with gorgeous, nice guys comes along twice, maybe three times in a lifetime, Liz. Throw it away once, you may not get it again.”

“Well, when you put it that way, how can I say no?”

December 1, 2014

I have the new layout ready, but the colors aren’t quite there. I’m still playing with it, getting to know the CSS file that came with my theme. I hope to have it all ironed out by the end of the week.  I know it’s the second theme in a row that deals with old-school Liason from 1999, but that’s the only time they celebrated Christmas.

If you can’t see it, or are seeing a mismash of the new colors, old colors and the old image, please either right click and hit refresh or clean out your temporary files.

I updated the In Progress and Coming Soon pages with some status change. Life For Rent and All We Are have been removed from Coming Soon. Life For Rent is technically in progress as the first part of the story (Choose Your Moment) is completed and the rest of the story is storyboarded, I just haven’t written it yet.

As for All We Are, I’m putting the final touches on the scene breakdowns, but I’ve started to write it in preparation to post it simultaneously with The Best Thing after the New Year, so once I start writing, it gets moved over to keep me honest.

There are several other stories on the In Progress page that I hope to have ready for you after the holidays (Turning Points, Come On Eileen, Inside Your Fear) so they’re not posted there for shits and giggles.

I’ll be back Wednesday morning with the first part of All I Want for Christmas and Chapter 13 of The Best Thing 🙂


 

Update: So I won’t be playing with the colors any more than I already have, mostly because I have discovered how much I don’t like the way this theme is designed. It’s overly complicated, oy. So once I change layouts in January to a non holiday one, I’m going to teach myself to write my own WordPress theme if it kills me. I prefer streamline coding and I actually miss doing this.

This is not important to you, per se. Just an FYI: these colors will be staying, though I might change the background back to white.

November 28, 2014

This entry is part 2 of 6 in the Fanfiction 101

Note: If you have not read either I Shall Believe or The Witness (see Complete: History), reading this page is going to give you some spoilers for both.

 

How’s that for alliteration my friends?

So first, what is pantsing? It’s the term writers use when we sit down and write without plotting. We just let the story go where it’s going to go. Fanfiction is known for that — the chapter by chapter nature of posting, the instant feedback from readers shaping the writing.  I began as a pantser, though just once very early in my career as a writer, I wrote out a story sketch, broke it down scene by scene, wrote key scenes, and then filled in the linking material. That was Jaded, which is probably why, of all my early 2002 stories, feels different. At least, it does to me.

I’d hate to pretend that there aren’t good things about pantsing, because it totally works and one of my favorite stories I’ve ever written was written in that fashion: The Witness. But another story of mine that is relatively popular, I Shall Believe, has some definite pitfalls from having been unplotted.

So, I’ll talk about how each developed as a concept and then break down what worked and what didn’t.

Concept: I Shall Believe

I Shall Believe began as a reaction to the Sonny shooting Carly in the head story. I was so angry he was going to get away with it, like it never happened. I think the reasoning was: He shot Lorenzo in self-defense, because he thought Lorenzo was hurting Carly, and Carly was an accident. Anyway, I wanted to work with that.

Of course I added in Jason/Elizabeth because that’s what I do, and you can’t tell a Sonny/Carly story without Jason. I’ve ranted before about the way GH writers often take the easier way out when it comes to developing conflict. Rebecca Herbst’s real life pregnancy in 2003 would have been so much more interesting if Zander were not the father. They had barely written for the character of Zander, and what they had written wasn’t that great.  I would have preferred the baby’s father be Ric, but since I’m a Liason fan, I went with Jason.

Which of course drew in Courtney, her new marriage to Jason and the relationship she was developing with Brian Beck (and what a travesty that turned into). I decided to try to really develop her as a main character. A lot of Liason fanfiction at that point kept making her the annoying, stupid, ditzy idiot or the straight villain. (I did this sometimes, too, guilty!) But I wanted to see if I could something more with her, the way I’m doing in The Best Thing.

Sage was added almost as an afterthought when I realized I was going to pair Carly and Lorenzo. If I could rewrite ISB (and I promise, I’m not going to), I would shift the earlier chapters to better deal with her character. But, ah, c’est la vie.

So that where I was before I sat down to write ISB. I knew nothing except the following things: Elizabeth was going to get knocked by up Jason, Courtney was going find out and divorce Jason, and Carly was going to get some damn spark back.

The Witness as a Concept

So The Witness was a challenge story — I was given a title by IsisIzabel and had to write a story based on that. Looking back, I can’t remember if  I thought much about it before I started to write the first chapter.  I think I’d had a vague concept of having Lucky go after Patrick and Elizabeth due to an affair, and then shooting Robin by accident. I just…wrote and somehow that story came out.

So yeah, it’s not much of a concept I just…wrote and wrote and wrote, haha. And it kept growing and getting out of hand in some ways. But as a concept, it was very simple. For the longest time, I didn’t even know if I would be able to use the title correctly. I knew nothing about the story until it appeared on screen. In fact, (spoiler alert!) for about eight chapters or so, I really intended Lucky to be the shooter.

Perils and Peaks

So why do I think The Witness turned out better than I Shall Believe, despite having a similar method of writing? Mostly the story structure, which I can point to in two ways.

1. The Use of Central Event and/or Theme

They are, of course, very different stories. ISB is a story driven by emotions and characters at crossroads, making choices. The Witness is a two-day action story with twists, cliffhangers, and red herrings. However, they both deal with a large cast of characters interacting with one another, with subplots and diverging points of view..

In ISB, I deal with the following stories:

– Jason and Courtney’s marriages collapses because she’s learned she wants different things
– Elizabeth is pregnant with Jason’s child.
– Carly, by not remembering her emotions, finds herself drifting towards Lorenzo.
– The fallout of Sonny shooting Carly and Lorenzo affects most of the cast
– Lorenzo’s niece Sage bonds with Carly and settles into Port Charles and the other teens.

Not a lot right? But it’s so muddled–I should have tied the story to the fallout of the shooting, rather having it as a side story. With the fallout being the main aspect, I could have explored Jason’s character more. Why did he agree to marry Courtney despite a one-night stand with Elizabeth? What does it mean for his loyalty to Sonny to take Carly’s side initially and to take over the business?  His marriage to Courtney? How does Carly deal with losing her emotions, but still knowing the history. There should have been more tug and pull over Sonny. Sonny should have been a larger part of the story.

With a central theme, the affected characters become more clear and interactions feel much less forced. (And God, the more I think about it, the more I want to rewrite it. Bad, Lissie, bad!)

With The Witness, while I deal with Robin’s shooting, the following stories are also addressed:

– Patrick and Robin’s relationship
– Carly and Robin’s rivalry
– The Spencer/Cassadine feud
– Dillon/Georgie/Lulu
– Maxie knowing the paternity of the baby
– Elizabeth and Lucky’s marriage collapses; his drug addiction
– Sam’s recovery after the surgery

And that’s just off the top of my head. I think there are several smaller things addressed: Sonny’s concerned for Robin as a callback to their history, Jason and Elizabeth’s friendship, the remnants of Sonny and Carly’s relationship, the old Jax/Sonny rivalry, Brenda and Robin, etc.

So there’s a ton going on in The Witness, but (at least in my opinion) at no point does it ever overwhelm the story because they all come back to this main event: How does Robin’s shooting affect the people in her life? Since Robin is a central character in PC because of her history, I could pull in most of the cast in one aspect or another and make their ongoing stories part of the larger picture. This was not possible with ISB, so some of the interaction feels forced (particularly in the Jason/Elizabeth section of the story)

2. No Inciting Incident Weakens Story Opening

What do I mean by structure? I generally write my stories using a Three Act Structure with an inciting incident, two turning points, a midpoint, a climax and a resolution. It ensures that a story is relatively well-paced.

The Witness

Act One, Inciting Incident:  Robin is shot. (Prologue-Chapter 1)

Act One, Turning Point One: Elizabeth learns that Lucky picked up Cameron hours ago. (Chapter 3)

Act Two, Midpoint: Carly is shot (Chapter 6)

Act Two, Turning Point Two: Luke confronts Stefan at Wyndemere (Chapter 10)

Act Three, Climax: Luke confronts Helena and Stefan with Dillon and Lulu in tow (Chapter 14)

Resolution: The epilogue in which Robin leaves the hospital and Lulu realizes they’ve left something unsolved.

 

I’m not even sure I can do the same thing for ISB because when I try to determine an inciting incident, it doesn’t really work. Why? It goes back to the definition of that term. An inciting incident is supposed to kick off the story–something that sets everything into motion. That’s not what happens in ISB.

Possible inciting incidents: Elizabeth discovers she’s pregnant. Why doesn’t this work? Let’s forget the fact that I wrote in the possibility of the kid being fathered by Ric, Zander, or Jason (yes, Virginia, I made my girl a Carly) and then promptly wrote it out in about five seconds.

The real reason this sucks as inciting incident is because it does nothing to affect Carly’s story. Yes, it does effect the Jason/Courtney arc, but it’s barely a blip on Carly’s radar.

What about Carly starting therapy with Cameron Lewis?  Does that work? It’s her inciting incident, so that’s why they’re both in the prologue. But it only affects one of characters

So the problems with story structure go back to point one. I had no central event to tie it together, so without that as an inciting event, the rest of the story falls apart.

ISB has pacing problems — entire characters disappear for some time, storylines stall for several chapters. I could go into a chapter-by-chapter, scene by scene break down on why it doesn’t work. I’m not going to do that here, but you can certainly see some of the points in the story where I’m just meandering.

3. Fanfiction in the Soap Opera Fandom

This is less about the pantsing aspect and more about the overal fandom and conept of fanfiction. I’m sure some people think: Well, you’re overthinking this. Soap operas don’t have general themes. There are always unrelated storylines happening, why does it matter if ISB doesn’t have a central arc?

This is the major difference between watching a soap opera on television and writing fanfiction for it. The written page has to capture your interest in a way the visuals don’t. You’ll watch day after day because of the performances.

The written word doesn’t have the advantage of Jason Thompson’s gorgeous dimples or Rebecca Herbst’s flawless delivery. I have to get your interest in the first chapter and keep it until the final words. You do that by writing a tightly-structured, well-paced story that doesn’t make you feel like you’re wasting your time.

We’ve all read books or fanfictions that meander, that drift from the point, that don’t hold our attention. Fanfiction has to be different than a soap opera, so you either write a concentrated story about one set of characters (A Few Words Too Many is a decent example of this) or you write an ensemble story that’s based around a central theme or event. If it doesn’t start that way, you have to have it emerge within the first few chapters.

Think GH’s large sweeps stories during November and February–the ones that really worked. The February 2006 virus storyline is a particular favorite of mine. They were able to kill off characters, deepen relationships, continue the introduction of new characters, provide jump off points for future stories, and it worked because they had one story to wrap it all around. Ensemble fanfictions should take the format of a sweeps story: a major event that effects a big group of characters.

Conclusion

So what can you learn about writing without a plan by looking at The Witness and I Shall Believe?

(1) Keep story structure in mind. You have to have something happen every few chapters to keep the story moving forward.

(2) You either have to have one major story and one set of characters or a large ensemble cast tied to a central theme/event.

A Few Words is an example of the first type. The main story is Ric as a threat to Elizabeth and her child. Because Sonny is Ric’s brother and Jason is Elizabeth’s love interest, you can draw in the characters related to them, particularly Carly, Emily, Audrey, Courtney, and Nadine (whom I added in this).  Though Ric’s threat is the main story, the use of these characters allows for subplots that all tie into the major story.  One main throughline with subplots, all of which affect a small set of characters. The Best Thing also falls into this category. Jason has custody of Sam and Sonny’s daughter. How does this affect the people around him? 

Daughters is a close approximation of the second type, though it’s certainly not perfect. It has both an inciting incident (Robin returns to Port Charles after years of radio silence) and a central theme of family and relationships. I have four women: Robin, Elizabeth, Emily and Lulu, who are all intimately involved in one another’s lives. Even though they each have their own tragedy and story, they link together through their relationship to one another and their family.

So this is turned out to be less about pantsing, ha, because when you really break down the process of writing these two stories, their successes and pitfalls have nothing to do with the fact I didn’t know what the hell I was writing about from chapter to chapter, but that I forgot the cardinal rule of writing with ISB: Story Structure is king.

It’s also important to note that ISB was written in 2003-04, and The Witness in 2006-07, so that’s anothe factor in why the latter is better than the former. I had learned–from writing Mad World and ISB badly–to avoid similar mistakes.

Future Articles

With all my emphasis on story structure here, I suppose that would be a natural next story topic, probably with A Few Words Too Many as my case study. I was also considering some more on characterization. How to utilize a character’s history and biography to inform their actions, some resouces to do so. Thoughts? Requests?

This entry is part 1 of 6 in the Fanfiction 101

Introduction to Series: After many moons of writing fanfiction, I’ve learned what works for me and what doesn’t.  I thought, since I’ve been doing this for sixteen years, I could ramble about my process for a while and offer some insights. If anyone cares. Possibly, they don’t.

This is the only time I’ll publish this in the site news section as well. Once I’ve written another one, I’ll create a page for them. I hope they’re useful. I get bored.

Inspiration 

So I’ve written a lot of stories. I plan to write a lot more. Why? Because I keep getting ideas. It’s an issue. Where they come from? God. I wish I knew.

Seriously, they often come when I’m watching the show. I find myself thinking — what if that character had said this or did that? What would it take for this concept to work? What if instead of doing that, they had done this?  So it’s basically either a What If or a How Can I approach, which is why I mostly work in Alternate History.

For example, I’m currently working on The Best Thing, which as I remark on the story page, began as a completely different concept. Shortly after Lila Quartermaine’s death in the summer of 2004, I found myself wondering how GH would handle that? Or how should they? Would her family members return? So once you start with that aspect, you have to think about where to set it. For me, I didn’t want it so close to Lila’s death, so I picked the spring of 2005, which meant I had to fill in the background for the characters during the intervening ten months.

Which is where the concept of Sam’s death and Jason assuming custody of her daughter came from. At the time I began the development of the story, Jason had assumed the paternity of the baby. I suppose GH had always intended to kill the kid off and there was never any chance Kelly Monaco’s Sam character would be eliminated (though, wow, imagine the fun that would have been). But at that point, it was still in the future. So I opened the story in May 2005, with Jason and Elizabeth engaged and raising Cam and Sam’s daughter, who in that story was named Lila.

I wrote about six chapters back then, all of which were unposted for some reason. I had Sarah and Steven back in town, a large storyline planned for Elizabeth’s parents. Audrey’s biological son, Tom Hardy, would return with his son TJ and his ex-wife Simone, etc.  I had just started exploring the concept of Sonny and Carly looking to regain custody of the baby when my computer crashed.

So Rule #1: Always back up. Use Dropbox. Email your stories. Work from a thumb drive. Whatever has to happen for your stories to stay secure.

I let the story linger for a while, always kind of intending to return to it, but then I had my six year absence so all my stories fell off the radar.

When I returned, I found the old banner image I had once created for The Best Thing.

bestthing

So as you can see, I had intended for the story to be based on the Webbers. However, when I began to develop a new plan for it, I realized how much I had changed as a writer. I had never really tackled the hows and why of Jason having custody of the baby, which I knew would have to be in the story.

Characterization

Once I began to explore that, I began to see this as less of Elizabeth’s story and more of Jason’s journey. I think I can really count on one had how often I really put Jason at the forefront of my stories. Mostly, because I feel like I have the most trouble explaining him as a character. For a character to work on the page, you have to explain their motivations. Characters like Carly and Elizabeth are relatively easy to do this with. Carly is very different in The Best Thing than she is in A Few Words Too Many or even other stories on my site, because of the starting point on the show.

What drives Elizabeth? Why does she continually end up in relationships that are unequal? Why would she stay with Lucky so long or remarry Ric? Why would she have an affair with Nikolas? For me, explaining away these things goes back to her rape and that year with Lucky, where she started to piece herself back together only to shatter all over with Lucky. She’s based on that–never feeling quite right, always a bit damaged. Looking to save someone because it might save her.

For Carly, it’s all about insecurity about being abandoned and a belief that she is fundamentally entitled to more than what she has. It’s what drove her to seduce Tony, to drug AJ, to sleep with Sonny and even turn him into Feds. Straight up until her cover up of AJ’s murder. Carly, in her own head, will always be a trailer trash nobody who has to spend her entire life hoping no one sees that in her. But she trips up — she looks to protect herself before anyone else. And she always thinks about the short-game, not the long-game.

But Jason? The show hasn’t done as well keeping his character arc intact. Change in a character is fine. You want your character to change, to grow. It’s what allows soap operas to thrive for generations. But when Jason returned to the show in 2002, this began to falter. Initially, Jason’s accident left him with a clean slate. Emotions, looking to the future, basic human interactions, were all a myster to him and they had to be relearned. He once prased this beautifully in a conversation with Elizabeth in 1999 that I have referenced in several stories because it, to me, is what makes Jason essentially who is.

He tells Elizabeth that half of what he learned, he learned from Robin, and the rest from Sonny. He grew up in Sonny’s eyes, but not in Robin’s, which is why their relationship couldn’t work anymore. And it was such a fantastic expression of what went wrong with the J/R storyline. Robin, because she had always been in the role of teacher with Jason, believed she knew better and told the truth about Michael to AJ. She wanted to stop Carly from using Michael like a weapon. Jason never forgave her for that, not really. When they would share scenes together later after Robin’s return, their friendship was there, but Jason never saw her as anything more again. The pain was too fresh.

Jason’s character was a simple man — he didn’t lie about every day things, he didn’t see the point. He really only told the one lie about Michael’s paternity and his reasoning always seemed so right to me. I really believe had that situtation occured later in Jason’s life, in his development, with more distance from the Quartermaines to begin to see their true selves of being selfish yet incredibily loyal and loving as he would in later years–I can’t see him making those same choices.

But Michael’s paternity comes up at a time when the Quartermaines have done nothing but treat him as a brain damaged pale version of a man they loved so much more than Jason Morgan. Though most of the Qs came to value JM later in life, in those early years, there was such a deep desire to have JQ back that they drove Jason away. And Jason watched them torture each other the way they’re wont to do without understanding the core love they have for one another. (They can mess with each other, but an outsider better step off)  He tells Robin during that heartbreaking conversation regarding her telling the truth that he wanted Michael to belong to himself, to grow up and make his own choices about the Quartermaines.

So Jason, like Elizabeth and Carly, has this fundamental event that shapes who he is and how he responds to sitation. Not the accident itself, but rather what came after. The way he was treated by others. He shied away from anyone who saw him as less than whole, so the Qs and Keesha were out the door. Robin would eventually be discarded because she couldn’t see him for he thought he was. He never grew up for her–he would aways be a damaged man she had to take care of. This core of his character helps me understand why he’s so fiercely loyal to Sonny and Carly, despite all reasons not to be. And even why he gravitated towards Courtney in some ways. They look to him to fix their problems. Jason was never a damaged entity to them, but someone who could be relied upon. Someone they could trust.

Which is the characterization I come to for The Best Thing. I work with that concept in my head — that Jason has always been a caretaker. Before the accident, he cared for AJ to his own detriment. Early on, Audrey refers to a conversation with Lila about Jason Morgan inheriting the worse of Jason Q’s traits — that he’ll look out for Sonny until it leads to his own destruction.

So when I started to redevelop TBT last spring, I began with why would Jason take on this responsibility? This heartbreak of raising another child who isn’t his? After the pain of Michael, it would have to be something really big to make that work. And once you ask that question, there’s a logical follow up. Why would Sonny allow it? So it has to go back to this caretaking role. Jason claimed paternity to protect Michael and Morgan, to protect Sonny and Carly. He kept it going because he wanted to take care of Sam and her wishes. And he’ll do it until he’s destroyed to take care of Evie.

So it’s not enough to have a good idea. You have to make it work for the characters. I read ideas for Liason stories all the time that I don’t feel speak to who these people are as characters. Deeply flawed and complex characters. They often come off as so one-note and superficial. And Jasn is a constant battle — so many stories have him saying and doing things without explaining why.

The most important principle of writing fanfiction is that with soap operas, you can do anything. The audience will suspend their belief. They will accept a lot of things. But you have to keep it in character. You can twist motivations to do a lot of things, but you have to begin with the core of that character and take them on a journey. Otherwise, it feels false.

Development

The Best Thing, in its original form–even in its secondary form–looks nothing like the story I’ve been writing for the last six months. There are lot of reasons why that happened. I had an initial vision of the story–one that ultized the 2004 concept. Elizabeth was a student nurse, Jason was a harried single father. She moves in for a while to help him out and their relationship developed from there.

I had planned to keep the opening in May 2005 with Audrey’s funeral, but I tend to write out the backstories for characters so I can have it fully visualized as I write. As I wrote the backstory, I realized that I had to tell the story of Sonny and Carly as well.  And how could I ignore them as part of the backstory? So the more I developed this aspect, the less it worked for me to keep that initial idea of opening it in May. So, it got moved back to December, to shortly after Evie’s birth.

I really wish I had retained the earlier plot sketches but they’ve been discarded. I had kept the Webbers in the story, plannig to have them as a complication to add conflict to Jason and Elizabeth’s relationship. Her mother would be suffering from an illness, Elizabeth would be guilted for not paying enough attention. I kept that for a while, but I couldn’t make a timeline work, and then I realized that I didn’t need a conflcit in the Liason relationship. It would be superficial and I couldn’t think of way to break it down by scene. It’s one thing to have an idea, it’s another to make it work on the screen.

So I eliminated the Webbers, and had to track back. I realized I didn’t want to kill off Audrey after all. I wanted her as a sounding board for Elizabeth. I also didn’t really like the concept of Elizabeth playing surrogate mother and nanny to Jason and Evie. I thought it would devalue Elizabeth as a character. So I had to rebuild her storyline. Which is how you get her, coming home from California after so many months to be with her grandmother and brother, to raise Cam among family.

And once I put Elizabeth in that position, it became blindingly obvious how I should tell the Liason story against the backdrop of Jason’s struggles with Sonny and Carly. They should meet at the crossroads in their lives and fall in love the way they did once before, back in 1999.

After that, I had completed an initial plot sketch which I sent to Cora, who serves as my beta reader and my savior. If you’re at all enjoying the Carly and Courtney aspects of this story (and by enjoying, I mean you find them useful and good additions to the story), she’s the reason. I realized that I had kept Courtney out as a service to myself because I was never much of a fan, but I had ignored the crucial aspect she could provide — to explain Carly’s motivations in a way that wouldn’t be a ton of info dump POV scenes. And her presence adds a great layer to the overall story because I can give closure to an aspect of Jason’s life, and even honor the budding friendship Elizabeth and Courtney once enjoyed.

And that’s how The Best Thing was inspired, characterized and developed as a story. I used that story as a case study for how I approach all my stories now. I used to be pantser — I Shall Believe was written without much forethought and man you can see it.

Why is it a good thing to know where you’re going in a story? To know the end of the journey? What are the detriments when you don’t? Maybe that should be the next article. The Perils and Peaks of Pantsing, using I Shall Believe and The Witness as case studies. If anyone actually reads this and wants to read more of my rambling.

November 27, 2014

So before I head over to my sister’s to spend this holiday with my family, I wanted to say thanks to everyone who visits this site or reads my stories on any site I post. I was away for a very long time (six years) but the fact that when I returned, people not only remembered me, but actually remembered my stories and looked forward to reading more, I was blown away.  I hope the second year of CG’s resurgence is as good as the first.

I had a great writing day yesterday — not only did I creep closer to my NaNoWriMo goal (and today, I made it to 46,685. Only 3300 words to go!), but I also wrote a ton of fanfiction. I completed The Best Thing Chapter Fifteen, All I Want For Christmas Part 3 and the first part of All We Are, my next posting project when TBT is closer to completion. All in all, it was about 10,000 words. Not a bad day at all.

So I’m taking today off to read some books that have piled up and to enjoy my holiday. If you’re interested, I have an old Thanksgiving story, Lizzie Does Thanksgiving, written and set in 2002.

Have a fantastic holday and I’ll see you guys December 1 with a new layout 🙂

 

November 26, 2014

I decided to post The Best Thing, Chapter 12 before I went to bed tonight because this process can often take almost a half hour (because I post simultaneously across four sites) and I want to get up tomorrow, take a shower and then write. I have NaNo to get caught up tomorrow because I’ve skipped the past two days, and I need to work on TBT and All I Want to stay on track.

So, yes, TBT is up and it’s probably the most important chapter so far for me, for those characters and I had a such a great time writing it so I hope you guys like it, too.

In other story news: All I Want For Christmas has an official posting schedule, which you can view using the new-spanking new Upcoming Schedule page. The link is located under “Readers” and the widget to the right on the sidebar shows my next three planned updates. So, All I Want will be simultaneously posted with TBT next Wednesday. Normally, I wouldn’t do that, but I wanted to end the story on December 31, and I worked backywards to post once every three or four days to keep the chapters regular.

In other news, I posted a new Story Status which gives you an idea where my stories on the coming soon page are in development. A story not yet on my Coming Soon page because it was not titled is actually likely to be posted after TBT is done — it’s the marriage of conveniece story which is a relatively straightforward story. By posting that (which ought to be written much more quickly) will give me some breathing room to continue developing the more complex stories. Also, it has a title now! All We Are, which means it’ll have a graphic soon. Because I suck.

This entry is part 12 of 34 in the The Best Thing

Something about you now
I can’t quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right
‘Cause it’s you and me and all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it’s you and me and all of the people
And I don’t know why I can’t keep my eyes off of you
– You and Me, Lifehouse


Friday, May 27, 2005

Wyndemere: Ballroom

This was the part Elizabeth had been looking forward to and dreading. The speech. Nothing like a room filled with Emily and Nikolas’s family, friends, and business colleagues to give a woman stage fright. As she listened to Lucky talk about his relationship with Nikolas and history with Emily, she glanced up from her notes to her grandmother’s table.

When Elizabeth had spied the seating arrangements, Emily had sheepishly admitted that putting Jason somewhere had been almost impossible but she thought he might not mind sitting with Audrey and Steve, as well as Steve’s date and a nurse from the hospital. It was jarring to see her grandmother smiling at Jason and pointing at a photo Jason was holding. Though Jason was not one for photographs, he did carry one of Evie because inevitably, he ran into Bobbie, Monica or someone else he actually liked who asked about her.

And he was sharing it with her grandmother.

At that moment, Jason glanced up and their eyes met. Feeling her cheeks flushed, Elizabeth returned the smile and looked back down at her notes. Since Cameron’s party earlier that month, she had all but abandoned any delusion that she and Jason were not traversing the same road they had a few years earlier. The only question that remained was the length of that journey and its final destination. She could not bring herself to hope for a happy ending.

And she could not stop herself from doing so.

She glanced over to find Lucky winding down his speech and raising his glass. After they had toasted and Lucky sat, she rose to her feet, flashing Emily a bright smile before looking at the crowd.

“What can I say about Emily Bowen-Quartermaine Cassadine?” Elizabeth began, raising her champagne glass. “We’ve been friends since high school and…well…” She arched a brow at the trio seated at the head table with her. “I suppose you could say Lucky and I know where all the dead bodies are buried.”

Laughter rang out in the large room, but Emily just rolled her eyes because she knew Elizabeth was talking about the actual dead body of Ted Wilson. In the audience, Jason just lightly shook his head. Elizabeth shrugged and continued. “I’ve known Nikolas about the same time as Emily, but he and I did not see eye to eye when I moved here.” She grinned at Nikolas. “I think…I may have given you some decent reasons to view me as your girlfriend’s bratty little sister.”

Nikolas coughed lightly with a word that sounded suspiciously like condoms and Lucky choked on his champagne.

“But despite the first impressions, I grew to love you both…” Her voice tightened. “So…much. When we thought Lucky had died, I could not have survived those first few months without the two of you. There’s not a word for what’s between us. It’s not just friendship, and it’s not just family. You…” She hesitated. “You’re my people, and I can’t…really think of a better way to say it.”

Emily reached over and took Elizabeth’s free hand in her own. “That works,” she said softly.

“I watched you almost two years ago, when we thought we’d lose you, Em. Thank God you pulled through.” A tear slid down Elizabeth’s cheek. “And even though the road was filled with so many obstacles, it seemed almost impossible to keep going. Here the two of you sit, living the fairy tale. Watching the two of you exchange vows today…it gives me hope for myself. For the rest of us. That maybe if we don’t give up, we can have the happy ending, too.”

She raised her glass higher. “To Nikolas and Emily,” she toasted. “And their happiness.”

As she sat down, she caught Jason’s eye and smiled.

Later, after dinner had been served and the dancing had begun, Emily sighed from the circle of her new husband’s arms, causing him to frown.

“That was not a happy sigh,” he admonished and spun her slightly so he could follow the line of her eyes. Unsurprisingly, he spied Jason and Elizabeth standing near the edge of the dance floor, Elizabeth with a glass of wine in her hand and Jason with a pint of beer. “What now?”

“Nothing. I suppose I just wish I could get them to dance, but…” She lightly lifted one shoulder. “C’est la vie. I’ve done all that I can, I suppose.”

“Elizabeth’s toast leaves me to believe that she is quite open to the next step,” Nikolas said. Other men might be annoyed with Emily’s concentration on her brother and best friend on their wedding day, but he saw it for what it was—the overflow of her own happiness driving her to want it for those she loved best. Rather than perceiving it as a distraction from their day, it was an extension of it. “Emily—”

“I know, I know. Worry about the things I can control. I guess I can’t help but wish I could create one more opportunity for them.” She peered at him curiously. “How’s your aim?”

And because he knew her so well, he lifted his eyes to the high ceiling of the ball room. “Considering I was fencing in Greece when other boys were learning to throw a ball, unspectacular. I suppose you intend to engineer a bouquet and garter opportunity. Emily, even if you could, they’d both hate it. Having to put a garter on her in front—”

“Oh, no, no.” Emily shook her head. “He would loathe it, and she’d be mortified. No, I thought…giving them a choice of a dance. They can stand next to each other all night and talk, but a dance? A waltz in the arms of your perfect person?” Emily’s fingertips danced on his shoulder. “That could be the crowning opportunity of my career, you know. I could bow out gracefully from their lives then.”

Nikolas pursed his lips and looked back over at his old friend. Elizabeth was resting her arm on Jason’s forearm with a smirk on her face, and Jason’s expression was open amusement. Even he, who had once detested the concept of their relationship, could see the spark. The potential.

And he wanted Elizabeth to be happy. Not to mention his own wife.

He looked back at Emily. “I can’t guarantee anything, but I will do what I can.”

“You are ridiculously fantastic.” Emily broke their dance pose to lean up on her toes and kissed him fervently. The ballroom exploded in laughter and cheers.

Elizabeth wrinkled her nose as she recognized the martial light in her friend’s eyes as Emily headed towards them. “I think your sister is about to throw the bouquet.”

“Which would explain why she’s coming over here.” Jason nodded and took Elizabeth’s wine glass from her. “She’s just going to start dragging you to the others,” he said when she arched a brow. “I don’t want you to spill the wine.”

“Not like I’ll be wearing this again.” She smoothed a hand down the short chiffon gown. “But I take your point.” She pointed a finger at him. “If I have to do this, you have to do the garter toss. It’s only fair.”

“I don’t see how.” Jason shook his head, his mouth curved into that half smile she just wanted to press her lips against.

She sniffed. “It just is.”

“Elizabeth! Time for all the single ladies!” Emily chirped. She grabbed Elizabeth’s hand, and as Jason had predicted, did not wait for an answer.

“If you aim at me, Emily, I’m going to make Nikolas a widower,” Elizabeth threatened as Emily deposited her next to Bobbie, Georgie and Maxie.

“Oh, don’t be a spoil sport,” Maxie chirped, her lithe body clad in a short black satin confection. “Just stand there and don’t move. I’ll take care of this.”

“Shut up, Maxie,” Georgie elbowed her. “Liz is going to get married before you ever find anyone deluded enough.” She flashed Elizabeth a shy smile. “Maxie’s a brat.”

“Bite me, Georgie,” the blonde snipped, tossing her blonde hair out of her eyes. “Let the professionals handle this—”

“I seem to remember,” Bobbie began with a smile, “Mac and Felicia’s wedding.” She looked at Elizabeth. “Do you?”

“Oh, God…” Elizabeth laughed, pressing a hand to her mouth. “I ended up with most of the flowers in my hair, but yes, I do. Wow, that…seems like another life.”

“All right!” Emily clapped her hands from the front of the room. “Let’s get this going. Ladies, try not to murder each other.” She cast one more long look at the group assembled, and Elizabeth saw her narrow her eyes at Elizabeth’s position. Little brat.

As soon as Emily had turned her back, Elizabeth took one long step to the left to avoid Emily’s aim.

Though why she was surprised when Emily released the bouquet of roses and tulips with a decidedly crooked curve towards her, she couldn’t say.

Emily had always known her better than anyone else.

Leaving a pouting Maxie and laughing Georgie behind with their aunt Bobbie to commiserate, Elizabeth returned to Jason’s side, the bridal bouquet tucked in the crook of her elbow. “I could learn to hate your sister.” She sniffed. “In fact, I’m going to ask you not to go for the garter. It’s about time we turned the tables on her. I am not some trained little puppy she can push around.”

Jason frowned and shook his head. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, please. Emily’s as transparent as the brain cells in Maxie Jones’ head.” Elizabeth huffed and glared at the bouquet in her arms. “How many times have we asked her to lay off? But does she? Nope. Just keeps pushing. We can’t let her keep having her way.”

“Okay,” he said, drawing out the word as if to indicate he had lost the thread of the conversation. And then he shifted his feet and his uncertain blue eyes met hers. “W-would it be so…bad?”

“Oh.” Elizabeth pressed her lips together. “No. No, that’s not—shoot.” Behind her, she saw Nikolas and Emily setting up for the garter toss, but she focused on the man in front of her, hoping she hadn’t, in her annoyance with Emily’s overbearing ways, derailed things between them. They had not really verbalized what was happening between them, but…she knew.

“No, I’m just…” She lifted the bouquet into the air slightly. “I don’t want you…to feel like you…” Her cheeks flushed and she looked away. “I mean, I just want it to…be our…choice.” Her tongue felt several sizes too big for her mouth and the mortification was rising from her cheeks to the top of her head. Christ, was this really the place for this conversation?

“It is,” Jason told her. He lifted his hand, perhaps to reach out for her and then a silky blue garter landed in his palm. They both stared down at it, and then turned towards the dance floor.

The group of single men had parted to give them a clear view of Nikolas throwing his triumphant fist in the air and Emily bouncing up and down like a five year old.

“We’ve been double-teamed!” Elizabeth gasped, indignantly.

Emily swanned her way over to them, her hands clasped behind her back, with an innocent smile. “So. That happened.”

“Emily Paige Bowen-Quartermaine,” Elizabeth began, “if you think I am sitting on the chair and letting Jason feel me up in front of a hundred people—”

“Wait, what?” Jason interrupted. “Em—”

“Relax.” Emily waved a dismissive hand. “I have the sense God gave a mule—”

“I’ve seen no indication of this—” Elizabeth shot back.

“I have decided to alter that particular tradition,” Emily sniffed. “Instead, I just ask that you join the rest of the world on the dance floor for one dance.”

“Em, can we talk for a minute—”

Emily cut her off with another wave of the hand. “Listen, I’ve decided to bow out of my position as opportunity creator for you guys since you don’t need me—”

“—never needed—”

“Opportunity creator?” Jason repeated at the same time.

But Emily ignored them both. “You don’t need to thank me, just…enjoy what I’ve given you.” She flashed a smile. “Now, it’s my wedding day, I’m the bride, and you do what I say. Dance.” She took the garter and bouquet from them. “I’ll make sure you get these back, but—”

Elizabeth narrowed her eyes, but rather than give into the desire to poke her best friend, she merely sniffed and turned to Jason. “If she’s really going to retire from constantly butting in—”

“Ha!”

“—then we might as well do this.”

Jason sighed and looked at his sister. “Emily.”

She stared at him, blandly. “It’s my wedding day,” she repeated. She pointed at herself. “Bride.”

He held out a hand to Elizabeth. “She’s right.”

And Elizabeth had decided to stop protesting because she wanted to dance with Jason after all. They’d only danced once before and it barely qualified as she’d been pretending he was Lucky.

Used to be that I believed in something
Used to be that I believed in love

They stood in front of one another for a moment before Elizabeth raised her hands to his shoulders and he gingerly grasped her waist, the heat of his hands burning through the thin layers of chiffon to her skin.

Trying to ignore the fact that she knew people were staring at them, she pitched her voice low. “Jason, I just…don’t want you to feel forced into anything. Emily thinks she knows best, but she doesn’t—”

“Forget about Emily,” Jason responded, his voice low and almost raspy. “It’s just you and me here.”

“Right.” And just like that, Elizabeth did forget about the rest of world. She slid one hand closer to his neck, lacing her fingers through the short blond hair at his nap, the other hand resting just above his heart. “That’s usually the way it works best,” she murmured, her eyes catching his.

It’s been a long time since I’ve had that feeling

He exhaled slowly, and drew her closer. “Elizabeth—”

I could love someone

“No, I’m sorry.” She shook her head, not wanting to disrupt the status quo, realizing too late that this was why she had procrastinated in moving to the next step.

I could trust someone

Admitting they wanted more had been the stumbling block for years, tripping up their friendship and derailing any chance of that intangible something more. She wanted his friendship almost as much as she wanted more. And if they tried for that next step and failed again…

She just knew it would be the last time they would be in this place.

I said I’d never let nobody near my heart again darlin’

“We…have to talk,” Jason said, his thumb moving along the base of her spine. “There…are things I want to say to you. Things you deserve to hear.”

I said I’d never let nobody in

She bit her lip and dropped her eyes to look at the collar of his tuxedo. “I…want to hear them,” she confessed, her heart pounding so loudly that she could barely hear the strains of the ballad to which they danced. “I’m…just…I’m scared, Jason.”

But if you asked me to

“I know.” And though his voice was uncertain, his grip remained strong. He pressed lips together for a moment. “Let’s…do you know the garden? Is there some place…”

“Yeah.” Feeling as though her heart had climbed into her throat, she nodded and gestured towards the doors that opened onto the terrace. “Let’s…go…out there.”

Wyndemere: Gardens

Neither spoke as Elizabeth silently led him through the vast and elaborate English-styled gardens of Nikolas’s estate. She stopped in front of bench tucked into the shadows, away from the light and sounds of other guests in the gardens, the strains of music just barely audible from the house.

Was he ready to do this? To take that next step? It would be a major change, and to his chagrin, Jason couldn’t remember the last time he’d set out to do something with deliberation and thought.

I just might change my mind

For weeks now, he had weight the possibility of asking for more, asking her to stand by him but his troubles with Sonny and the pressures of his life choices had continued to hold him back.

And let you in my life forever

But tonight, he had seen the uncertainty in her beautiful eyes and he knew that the more he held back, the less sure she was of how he felt, and for the first time in years, he wanted to tell her what she meant to him.

To try to put into words her place in his life and the way she lit it up.

If you asked me to

“Elizabeth…” And then he faltered. Because one thing had remained the same despite the passage of nearly five years.

He still didn’t have the words.

She smiled hesitantly and turned slightly on the bench. Her shoulders shook, and belatedly he realized that her short strapless dress did not offer much protection against the chilly spring night of upstate New York. He drew off his tuxedo jacket and tucked it around her shoulders. “Is that better?”

“Thanks.” Twisting her fingers in her lap, she cleared her throat. “It’s…so hard to know what to say, isn’t it?” she confessed, her voice barely above a whisper.

I just might give my heart

“These last few months…” Jason hesitated again. “You…with Sonny and Evie…” He shook his head, frustrated, wishing for the first time in his life he was more like other people with charm and smooth words. She deserved those pretty words, deserved them from someone who meant them. “I don’t know where I’d be without you.”

“All I did was listen,” she murmured. Her eyes left her lap, but he couldn’t quite see them in the shadows.

“Not just that…” He looked away then, towards the garden path. “I don’t know how it’s going to work out…with Evie. With my job.”

He looked back at her. “And sometimes…it seems unfair to ask…to even think about asking you…with everything that’s going on.” Again, he shook his head. He used to be a man of few words, used to saying what he thought, going after what he wanted.

When had that changed?

And stay here in your arms forever

“Jason…” She leaned forward and covered his hand with her own, her cold fingers wrapping around his larger ones. “None of that matters to me. I mean, yes, it does in that sense that I hate that you have to go through it, but it would never be a reason I would step back.”
If you asked me to

“I know.” And he did—he knew the reasons he would hesitate to step forward would not matter to her, but for the first time, he wondered if she harbored any doubts, if the uncertainty he felt was his alone.

“Jason…” As if reading his mind, she squared her shoulders. “I know that our…that…I’m an issue for Sonny.” Her tongue swept across her top lip before she drew the bottom one to nibble it on. “If I…agitate Sonny, and I suppose Carly by extension…what does that mean when things…are different?”

If you asked me to

He shook his head. “I-I don’t know what you mean. And you don’t…agitate Sonny.” Jason hesitated. “It’s not even you. It’s just…he resents anyone in Evie’s life that isn’t him. He just…when he gets into one of those moods, when he’s not in control, when he wants to lash out at me, he uses you. Because he knows it’s…” He shifted. “It’s the best way to get a rise out of me.”

“I suppose that wouldn’t change even if we didn’t…” She looked down again. “Sonny and Carly have always been at the center of your life, Jason. And I would be lying if I didn’t wonder…if we were reconnecting because they’re not in your life the way they were.”

“I…don’t know the answer to that.” After a moment, he continued. “Would that matter? They’re…not in my life. We’re not close anymore.”

Somehow ever since I’ve been around you

“But you’ve been on the outs with Sonny before,” Elizabeth continued. “I don’t want to wake up one day and…” A tear slid down her cheek. “And be alone. Like I was every day in the penthouse. You chose Sonny’s stability before. I understand why,” she said quickly when he opened his mouth to protest. “It was a dangerous time, and I don’t…I want you to know that I understood. I even accept it. But…I can’t pretend I don’t worry about it happening again.”

Can’t go back to being on my own

He dipped his head, because he didn’t know what to tell her. He had deliberately chosen to lie to her in order to preserve Sonny’s sense of peace, in order to prove his loyalty.

Could he really promise he wouldn’t do that again?

Can’t help feeling darling since I’ve found you

“You won’t have to because I already chose you,” he said finally. She frowned and shook her head, and he knew he would have to admit just how damaged his relationship with Sonny was.

That I’ve found my home

“Jason—”

“Sonny has made it clear during those bad moments that he believes I’m not loyal to him, that I would rather have you in my life than placate him.” He hesitated, because it felt unfair to his partner to paint in him that light. “But in his clearer moments, Elizabeth, when he’s the Sonny I remember, he doesn’t see it that way. He worried for your protection when he found out Johnny Zacchara was at your showing.”

That I’m finally home

“I know that something isn’t right with Sonny,” Elizabeth murmured. “And I know how difficult it must be for you, even for Carly and the boys, when he hasn’t been stable in months. I suppose…I just…” She sighed, her breath shaky, as she turned her eyes away and looked towards the garden path.

“I spent most of last year putting myself back together after several terrible years of bad choices and devastation,” Elizabeth said. “And while I won’t lie to you and tell you I didn’t love Ric…it wasn’t…” She pursed her lips. “He didn’t…it’s not like it is with you.” She slid closer. “You and I have been in each other’s lives so much longer than we’ve been friends. We have a history, Jason, and we’ve already…lost each other more than once. I’m afraid that if open myself up…I’ll just lose again. Like I always do.”
I said I’d never let nobody get too close to me darling

Jason opened his mouth, but then closed it because he didn’t know what to say. How could he promise her anything concrete when he didn’t know what would happen? He had also experienced a bad marriage, had buried a friend and his grandmother, watched two of his most important friendships crumble in front of his eyes.

Nothing was guaranteed.

“But,” Elizabeth continued, “I know that we would never be sitting in this moment if you didn’t…” Her fingers tightened around his. “Things have been difficult with Sonny for months, and even though it would be easier for you to step back, you didn’t. So I have to trust that. It’s just…it’s hard, Jason, to open that door when I can’t be sure what’s on the other side.”

“I know it is, and I can’t promise I won’t ever hurt you. I can try not to, but—”

“Life happens.” She was closer now, and though her eyes were wet with tears, they were shining. Her lips were curved into a small smile. “We can…we can promise to try.”

And he recognized the old words from the last time they had been in this moment.

I said I needed, needed to be free

 “I can promise that,” he murmured, cupping her cheek gently.

“You know, we keep ending up in this moment,” she murmured, their lips mere inches apart. “If I believed in fate, I’d say it’s trying to tell us something.”

If you asked me to

“What do you think that is?” he asked, his thumb brushing her bottom lip.

Her smile broadened and in her eyes, something lit up.

I give you my world

“To stop talking,” she said, fisting her hand in his tuxedo shirt and closing the distance between their mouths.

Everything, everything

Her lips were warm and sweet against his. Jason slid his hand into her loose curls, pressing her closer. His tongue traced the fullness of her lip before dipping inside to deepen the kiss and finally taste her the way he had wanted to for years.

If you asked me to

He drew back slightly after a long moment, her breath heavy against his lips. “I never thought we could be back here,” he murmured. “Thank you for coming home last year.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, nipping at his lower lip. “For giving me a ride home five years ago.”

Just ask me to

November 25, 2014

Another month, anothe set of priorities. This post is organized by where the stories are listed

In Progress Stories

1. The Best Thing – We’re finally rolling forward on this. Part 2 ends after Chapter 19 about half through January. I’m really hoping to pick up on the writing at that point so that by January, I’m posting two chapters a week. However, I’m also trying to get my next story to post ready. Not completely positive which will that will be, as I have several in the works regarding outlines.

2. All I Want For Christmas – Posting schedule set up to begin December 3 and finish up December 31, the small story kinks are mostly worked out. I really like the story world I’ve built for this alternate universe, so if there’s a demand for it, I’d write a sequel.  I’m about halfway through the story now.

3. Turning Points – I’m playing around with the next part, but it’s a whenever I get around to it type of story. I’ll be looking to wrap it up relatively soon.

4. Life For Rent – A recent addition to the in progress page. The second and third entries in this story were plotted in 2006, so I’ll be looking at these soon to either update or adjust.

5. Inside Your Fear – A short story that’s a rewrite of something I wrote in 2003. I’ve changed the story so it’s a Courtney POV. I play with every once in a while, but it never quite hits me. Eventually, I get the right mood in my head to finish it up.

6. Come On Eileen – Really planning to finish this off before the end of the year.

Coming Soon Stories (organized chronological order)

1. Counting Stars – I had this storyboarded and ready to go, but I realized some of the angles were a bit superficial. I’m revisiting it to deepen it, and still playing with the timeline.

2. Mad World – I have most of the story plotted, but  it’s going to deal with a serial rapist. I want it to be part mystery, part drama so I want to get the details just right.

3. Fallen From Grace – Revisiting the outline soon,  but it’s low on my list of priorities.

4. For the Broken Girl – Still in the outlining stages as it deals with drug abuse and domestic violence, so like most of my planned stories, trying to get the details and emotions just right. Also, while the middle of the story is relatively solid in my head, the beginning and the end are still a little murky.

5. Collision – Ah. The story that stays in my head, but has never made it far. I still play with it occasionally and I’m reluctant to eliminate it because the main plot is so good, but it was supposed to be a huge ensemble story which is always tricky.

6. Burn in Heaven – I started playing with the outline a bit, have some good ideas on how to play it out, but the details are still getting stuck in my head.

7. These Small Hours – I made a major story shift change. It used to be more Johnny/Nadine in nature, but Jason/Elizabeth’s side of it needed to be more in focus since Sonny ends up living. I have the outline somewhat figured out, but there’s gaps and whatnot to work with.

8. Slide – Though I am still planning to write it and have some vague ideas on what to do. I honestly haven’t looked at it more than that, though I should soon since it’s been ten years since the original.

9. Heaven Forbid — Permanently shelved. The original plan for the story has been discarded, but I’d like to do a Jason return storyline at some point.

10. Illusions – the Alternate Universe. I like what I wrote so far, so I’d like to do more, but it’s just not happening for me at the moment.

11. Untitled Marriage of Convenience Story – Likely to be my next project if I can just manage to give it a title.

12. Feels Like Home (Tangled rewrite) – Played with a bit over the weekend. Will shuffle it into my writing schedule as I can.