I find the answers aren’t so clear
Wish I could find a way to disappear
All these thoughts they make no sense
I find bliss in ignorance
Nothing seems to go away
Over and over again
Just like before
– One Step Closer, Linkin Park

---

Friday, February 20, 2004

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Elizabeth gingerly stepped off the stairs, wincing at the tightness in her chest. She hadn’t really tackled steps in several weeks, and in the last twelve hours, she’d had to deal with them twice. Jason hadn’t been there. Monica had stayed until she’d gone to sleep, had walked with her up the stairs, but Elizabeth hadn’t wanted to ask the guard on duty to carry her. She’d wanted Jason.

The fact that she’d driven him away so hard that he hadn’t returned last night even to take her up the stairs had shaken her. Somehow, in the last six or seven months, she’d taken Jason’s presence for granted. She’d barely been able to sleep last night, listening for the familiar sound of his boots on the steps, the warmth of his body next to hers.

Her fingers shaking, Elizabeth reached out to take her cell phone from the charger and flipped it open to find two voicemails. One from Gail and the other from Jason. Cowardly, she clicked Gail’s first.

“Hello, Elizabeth. I got Monica’s message last night, and I wanted to let you know I made room in my schedule today. I hope ten will be all right. Please let me know if it isn’t. Otherwise, I’ll see you then.”

Elizabeth didn’t know if she was up to return to therapy, but maybe she’d left it too early. Maybe she should have stayed in the support group after all. It seemed almost arrogant now for her to have assumed she’d worked through her issues and could handle it on her own.

She could barely walk down the stairs.

For Jason, though, she knew she needed to do better. She needed to fix what was wrong with her so she could stop hurting him.

With that thought rattling in her brain, Elizabeth pressed his message.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call sooner. I’ve been at the warehouse all night. I’ll call if I won’t be home tonight.”

That was it. The entire message. She stared at her phone, blinking at it. He hadn’t asked about her or the baby. Hadn’t even acknowledged the message she’d left him.

He hadn’t told her he loved her. The first time since…

Since the hospital. In July.

Elizabeth tightened her fingers around her phone, squeezed her eyes shut. She’d hurt him so much, and it was her turn to reach out. To make it better. So she dialed his number and tried not to flinch when the phone rang three times—and went to voicemail.

He’d declined her call. It was five rings before voicemail came on automatically. Anything less than that meant he’d seen her name and hadn’t taken her call.

“Hey,” Elizabeth said, forcing a lightness to her tone. “I got your message. Thank you for letting me know. I—I was worried,” she admitted. “Um, I have—I’m going to see Gail today, but I’m okay. I mean, I tested myself this morning. I used the portable thing Monica gave us, and my levels are still at 94. That’s good. I wish it were higher, but you know—” She paused. “Please, if you can, come home. I’m sorry. I just—I’m sorry. I love you.”

She closed her phone, set it on the desk, then went over to the door. As she expected, Cody was on duty.

“Good morning, Mrs. Morgan.” He straightened immediately. “What can I get you?”

“Um, I have to be at the hospital at ten, but I want to stop on the way for some breakfast, so around nine?” she asked. “If that’s okay.”

“I’ll make sure the car is ready.” Cody paused, squinting. “Uh, Mr. Morgan isn’t here? I mean, the night guard said—”

“No, Sonny’s keeping him pretty busy right now,” Elizabeth said, laughing uneasily. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

She closed the door, leaned her forehead against the wood. Her eyes felt heavy, and it was a struggle to hold back the tears. She didn’t have the right to cry. She deserved this. She’d done nothing but push Jason away, and now he’d gone. It would serve her right if he didn’t bother coming back.

PCPD: Squad Room

Jason felt his phone vibrate. Elizabeth. His throat burned as he thought of her at home, alone. He knew Monica had gone home the night before—his mother had called him to say her condition was stable and that he was an idiot for not coming home.

Elizabeth alone in the penthouse meant she’d gone up the stairs last night herself and probably down them this morning. And he’d even warned he might not come home tonight. He slid his finger over her name again. Was she angry? Would she be upset if he listened to her message? Would she—

“Morgan.”

Jason’s head snapped up, and he saw Scott Baldwin outside the open door of the interrogation room. He slid the phone into his pocket and went to deal with something that he could actually handle.

“You got ten minutes, and then he’s back in lock-up,” Scott warned him. He sneered, and Jason felt almost comforted. Here was something that was normal. Baldwin had come to his wedding for Elizabeth, but with Ric long gone, and the rapist case wrapped up, the district attorney was back to loathing Sonny with Jason as collateral damage.

Jason liked when things were predictable, and the PCPD as an enemy felt right.

“Got it,” he said, then went into the room where Justus was standing, his arms folded. Sonny was handcuffed to the table, dressed in the familiar blue jumpsuit. There were deep circles under his eyes, purple gouges that stood in stark contrast to the red, bloodshot eyes. His disheveled curls hung limply over his forehead.

“Why am I still in here?” Sonny bit out. “What the hell are you assholes doing?”

Jason gritted his teeth, then glanced over at Justus, who looked as tired as Jason felt. They’d spent the entire time at the warehouse, going over every single Lansing sighting since the bastard had jumped bail and dissecting the people who had reported to them.

The only thing they were sure of was that someone inside the organization was screwing with them because they knew how out of control Sonny was. The last few sightings had been reported to Sonny directly.

It couldn’t be Lansing — or at least it wasn’t Lansing working alone — and the thought that they had a traitor working against them from within the organization was just one more thing Jason had to juggle.

“Sonny,” Justus said with his jaw clenched, “has refused to participate in a psychiatric evaluation and has refused to allow me to petition for it. I can’t do it without his consent. I can’t even ask the DA to do it for me—”

“I’m not fucking crazy—” Sonny tried to lung to his feet, but his hands and feet were chained to table and chair. He scowled. “You need to be calling the goddamn judge to get me out of here—”

“Even if you could convince a judge to sign off on the request,” Justus told Jason, ignoring Sonny, “it wouldn’t hold up if Sonny doesn’t want it. I’m out of options here.”

“The hell you are—”

Justus’s head whipped around, his eyes flashing. “Watch it, Sonny! I haven’t seen my family in more than thirty-six hours. Jason hasn’t been home for more than ten minutes with a sick, pregnant wife waiting for him—”

Jason flinched at that reminder.

“You are charged with four counts of assault—do you even remember the security guards you decked to get up to Alexis? Ned is throwing every single charge he can find at you—you broke into the mayor’s offices and attacked him—you’re facing at least six or seven felonies—what the hell do you think I’m going to be able to do when you already violated your bail by getting arrested within two hours of being released?”

Sonny seethed. “You don’t get to talk to me like that—”

“I’m not going to talk to you at all,” Justus shot back. “I’ve already filed notice that I’m withdrawing from your case. Find someone else to clean up this mess. I’m done.” He yanked open the interrogation room door and slammed it behind him.

“You need to get me another lawyer—”

“You need to shut the hell up,” Jason cut in sharply, and Sonny blinked at him. “Another lawyer isn’t going to get you out. I already called in favors to get you out on bail last night, Sonny! I tried to keep you out of lock up! And because of you—”

Because of Sonny, Elizabeth had gone to that damned appointment alone. None of this would be happening if Jason had been there. Maybe he could have even convinced her to check in—maybe she’d be in delivery right now and on the road to recovery—their son would be in the world—

But Sonny had lost control and had taken Jason’s life with it.

Because Jason had let it happen.

“I can’t do anything else for you,” Jason said roughly. “I’ll make some calls, I’ll get another lawyer, but no one is giving you bail. Not right now.”

Sonny stared at him, his eyes dark and burning. “I can’t go into lock-up—I can’t spend another night like that—”

“Then let Justus file for an evaluation,” Jason said, his tone all but begging. “We need to end this, Sonny. We need to make it over, all right? If we can get a doctor to tell the court—”

“You want me to admit I’m weak?” Sonny roared. “That I can’t control myself? To hell with you! I’m not weak—”

“You’ve been weak for months!” Jason slapped a hand on the table. “And you’ve made me weak, too, because I won’t do what everyone wants me to do!”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“I’ll get you another lawyer,” he bit out. “But you’re on your own after that, Sonny. I can’t do this anymore.”

Quartermaine Estate: Foyer

“Ned—”

He turned, pausing in the act of shrugging into his coat to find his mother stepping off the bottom stair. He hadn’t spoken to her since the terrible scene a few days earlier after the news had broken and she’d ripped into him.

“Mother. Can I help you?”

Tracy exhaled slowly. “I’d like a moment of your time. Please.”

Ned narrowed his eyes. He was unsure the last time he’d heard his mother utter that particular word, so just out of pure curiosity— “All right.”

Tracy stepped towards him. “After you left on Wednesday, Mother and I had a long talk. She was—” His mother shifted her eyes away. “A bit disappointed in the way I had reacted.”

That would put it mildly. Lila didn’t have to raise her voice to express disapproval, a skill Ned hoped he’d learn one day. “So was I—”

“Alexis dropped off a copy of the press statement for Father—” Tracy crossed over to a table and picked up a folder. “She also wanted to apologize—”

“She has nothing to apologize for—” Ned snapped, but his mother held up a hand.

“I know. And neither do you.” Tracy pressed her lips together, then looked down at the statement. “The family is putting out a statement of its own. I thought you might want to run it past Alexis and Lois to make sure it dovetails with your messaging.” She held it out.

Ned grimaced, then opened the folder. He skimmed the statement, then raised his eyes to his mother. “You wrote this?”

“Father and I drafted it together.”

“‘The Quartermaine family is deeply ashamed,” Ned began, “of any media publication that would capitalize on the grief of parents whose only crime is the loss of their child. The blood of Brooke Lynn Ashton stains their hands. They chose to publish the name of a rape victim, rejecting compassion to sell more papers. It is disappointing, but not surprising, to learn that the Port Charles Sun and Port Charles Herald continues to victimize the innocent by speculating on the paternity of a child, publishing her name and opening her parents to more grief and pain. The Quartermaine family, therefore, would like to remind Port Charles that we protect our own. Kristina Davis-Ashton is, and will always be, ours.” His throat tightened and he looked at his mother.

“I was terrified,” Tracy murmured as she took the statement back, “that it meant I’d lose another grandchild. I didn’t do enough for Brooke. I was—I was in a meeting with lawyers. Prepping our suit against the city and the media. That’s what I was doing when she took those pills.” She met her son’s eyes. “I never did enough for her. Or you. Or Dillon. Kristina—I thought she’d be another chance.”

“I know.” Ned cleared his throat. “I know. Mother—”

“What these papers did to you and Lois, what they did to Brooke—” Tracy shook her head. “We can’t let them get away with it, Ned. I understand why your statement was restrained, but we don’t have to be. Brooke was ours, too. Let us help you protect Kristina.”

“Thank you, Mother.” He drew her into a tentative embrace. “I’ll give this to Lois, but I don’t see anything wrong with it.”

General Hospital: Hallway

Elizabeth blinked when she saw Emily waiting outside of Gail’s office, pacing. “Em—”

“Oh. Hey.” Emily’s expression was relieved as she came forward and hugged Elizabeth. “I talked to Mom earlier, and she said Jason never came home last night. I’m sorry—I didn’t think—”

“Don’t apologize.” Elizabeth managed a rueful smile. “We were both right. I shouldn’t have lied, and Jason really couldn’t take one more hit.”

“If Sonny hadn’t gone insane—again,” Emily muttered darkly, “then it wouldn’t be like this. He would have come home—”

“Maybe. But I made a choice to lie, Em, and I made a choice to make Jason feel like he didn’t get a say in what happens to me or the baby. I have to live with that—”

“He’ll come around. He will,” Emily insisted. “He loves you. You know that—”

“I do. And I’ve taken him for granted. Repeatedly. I’m not innocent, not even a little. He’s put up with a lot from me—” Elizabeth shook her head. “And I still don’t even know if I’m ready to change my mind.”

Emily pursed her lips. “Okay, but—just in case—” She handed Elizabeth a piece of paper with a name and time scrawled on it. “I called in a favor with a nurse I know in the NICU. She’s going to give you a tour.”

Elizabeth’s froze as she reached for the paper. “The NICU?”

“You need to see where Cameron might be, even if it’s for a few days. You need to see it, meet some of the people who will be there to care for him.” Emily opened Elizabeth’s hand, put the paper in her palm, then closed Elizabeth’s fingers around it. “Promise me you’ll go.”

Elizabeth exhaled slowly. “What if it makes it worse?” she asked softly.

“Trust me,” Emily said. “This will help. I love you. I want you and my nephew to have the world.” She hugged Elizabeth. “Call me when it’s done.”

Elizabeth sighed and watched as Emily left, then went into Gail’s office for her appointment.

Brownstone: Living Room

The last person Jason wanted to see when he got to the Brownstone after the PCPD was Luke, sitting next to Bobbie on the sofa while Carly stood pensively at the front window.

He did not need one more person who was going to give him crap about not taking action on Sonny sooner.

“What happened to your legendary security?” Luke demanded, getting to his feet. “Corinthos got past them and the security system—”

“Luke, I told you not to start—” Bobbie said, reaching for his elbow. “I told you—”

“It’s hard for them,” Carly said wearily, turning towards Jason. “It’s one thing to say you’ll go against Sonny, but another for them to do it. And maybe they didn’t realize he was going to break in until he did it.”

“That was their story,” Jason told her. “I’ve reassigned them, and—” He hesitated. “For now, with Sonny in lock up, the security system is enough. I let Francis choose the last set of guys, but I want to do it personally. I didn’t have time before,” he snapped as Luke opened his mouth. “I didn’t think it was necessary until the wedding—”

“It’s okay,” Carly told him. “You let Justus call Taggert, and he was here. Lucas and Felix were here. I was even grateful for Maxie. She kept Michael calm. He knew Sonny was here, but she distracted him.” She rubbed her arms. “How did it happen? Last night, I mean. You said you’d keep an eye on him.”

“How’d he get past you?” Luke put his hands at his waist. “What was the point of letting him out of lock up if you were just going to let him wander around—”

“I didn’t—” Jason stopped. He had meant to keep a closer eye on Sonny, make sure he was behind the doors of his own penthouse with guards. He’d brought Sonny over while they waited for Max to come on duty.

Then Elizabeth had looked at him and told him she lied, that her oxygen levels had dropped, and he’d simply snapped.

He hadn’t wanted to yell at her, hadn’t wanted to take the anger out on her. He’d simply left, and he hadn’t thought about Sonny again until Justus’s call.

“I didn’t ask you to blame you,” Carly told him softly. “I was just worried. I knew you’d meant to take care of things, which meant if you didn’t, something was wrong. That’s all.” Her eyes searched hers. “What’s going on? Something isn’t right.”

“Is it Elizabeth?” Bobbie asked sharply. “Is she okay?”

“She’s—” Jason paused. “She’s fine. Something came up, and I wasn’t—I didn’t—it just happened. Okay? Everyone is fine,” he said more sharply than he’d meant to, and Carly just stared at him. “It’s fine,” he repeated.

“I wish you trusted me,” Carly said in that same soft tone that felt more like a slap than anything Luke had said to him. “Things aren’t fine, Jason. You don’t want to talk about it, that’s one thing. But don’t lie to me. Don’t you ever lie to me when all I’m doing is making sure you’re okay. I didn’t ask you to take care of Sonny last night. I told you to leave him in jail even as hard as it was. You decided to take that on, so when it went wrong, I was legitimately worried about you.”

Jason exhaled slowly. He barely noticed as Bobbie put a hand on Luke’s arm and gestured for them to leave Jason and Carly alone. “You’re right, and I’m sorry. Things aren’t fine,” he added. “But it’s not anything you need to worry about.”

“I worry about everything, Jason. You just never let me help. You come in here to take care of me and my boys, and I’m grateful for it. I am. But I’m done being something on your list.” Carly folded her arms, her glare deepening. “We’re either friends, or we’re not, and right now, it doesn’t feel much like friendship. I am not your responsibility. I can handle my own security. I’ll hire private guards.”

“Carly—”

“You have enough to worry about with Sonny not taking anyone’s advice and with Elizabeth and the baby. I’m not interested in being one more thing on the list.”

Why was everyone talking to him about being on a list? There wasn’t any goddamn list, Jason thought bitterly. He didn’t have people numbered, and if he did, he sure as hell wouldn’t put his own wife at the end of it—

“Fine. You want to handle your own security, then do it. I have enough to worry about—”

“That’s exactly my point,” Carly said, stopping Jason as he turned to go. He tensed. “You walk around, trying to handle everyone, and then you get angry at anyone who tries to do the same to you. You want to handle my life, Elizabeth’s life, Sonny’s life—when the hell are you going handle your own?”

“You have a lot of nerve—” Jason snapped, then stopped, appalled at himself. “I’m sorry—”

“Don’t apologize when it’s the first honest piece of emotion you’ve shown,” Carly said. “You’re right. I have a lot of nerve telling you how to live your life when all I’ve ever done is mess up yours. Make things harder. Get mad at me, Jason. At least I’ll know you’re letting yourself feel something—”

“I can’t—” Jason paused, trying to gather himself. “I don’t have the time for that—”

“Then make the damn time. What happened last night? And why is it so hard for you just to say it—”

“Because I can’t,” Jason shot back. “Okay? What do you want me to say, Carly? I went home last night, and Elizabeth told me her oxygen levels are dropping, and the only reason I didn’t know it about twenty-four hours earlier is that we had a bomb drop on us with Kristina—why the hell didn’t you tell me about Kristina being Sonny’s kid?” he demanded. “I get not telling Sonny—but why would you let me be blindsided like that?”

“I didn’t—” Carly rubbed the side of her face. “I had no idea it would hit the papers. I still don’t know how—and it was just a suspicion, Jason. I said I was sorry—”

“I am sick of people lying to me about things I damn well should know!” Jason growled. “You knew Sonny was making threats to get the boys back in the penthouse, knowing he came here to take them himself—what did you think would happen when he found out about Kristina?”

“I honestly didn’t—”

“No, you didn’t think, Carly. That’s the problem. You never think further than ten feet in front of your own damn face—” Jason stopped abruptly, staring at his hands.

They were shaking.

“Jason—” Carly came forward and put her hands over his, stilling them. “Why aren’t you home with Elizabeth? What the hell is going on?”

“I think—” He closed his eyes. “She lied to me. She told me the appointment was fine, but it wasn’t, and the only reason she did that was that Sonny and Justus had just had a fight. A physical one,” he added. “She lied because she didn’t want to make things worse. She told me last night.”

“That’s why Sonny wasn’t being watched,” Carly murmured. “I’m so sorry. But that doesn’t answer my question. Why aren’t you home with her? Why aren’t you with her right now?”

“Because I can’t. I can’t look at her. I just want to shake her—” He couldn’t force any other words out. Couldn’t make himself speak. “She’s going to die, and I don’t know how to stop it, and I don’t want to be angry with her. It’s not her fault. It’s not. It’s just—”

“We’re all doing the best we can.” She squeezed his hands. “Why aren’t you with her right now?” she repeated for the third time. “Why are you dealing with Sonny and me and all this other stuff that doesn’t matter?”

“It does—”

“Not if Elizabeth doesn’t get through this.” Carly tipped her head. “Be selfish, Jason. I’m begging you. Let Sonny deal with this latest crap on his own—”

“I can’t.” Jason stepped back. “Not yet. I can’t handle it. Not anymore. Not without snapping.” He dragged a hand down his face. “She doesn’t need that from me. Okay? So—so, you can look into security, but I’ll still get someone, okay? I’ll do a better job this time—”

“You didn’t do a bad job last time—” Carly grimaced. “Jason—”

“I have to go.”

She watched him go, then went into the kitchen, where Luke and Bobbie were not doing a very good job at not pretending to listen.

“Should I call Elizabeth?” Bobbie wanted to know.

“No, Jason will have to go home sometime.” Carly sighed. “I hope he does snap. He needs to, and I think Elizabeth is the person who actually needs to hear it.”  She looked at Luke. “Can you drive me over to your place? I appreciate Laura looking after the boys, but I need my babies. Thinking about what Jason’s going through—what he and Elizabeth are facing—”

“I’ll get the keys,” Luke said, getting to his feet. “You did good, Caroline,” he assured her. “The best you could.”

“Just wish it was enough,” she murmured.

General Hospital NICU: Hallway

Elizabeth hesitated at the entrance to the NICU—the ward was behind a set of locked doors that could only be entered with a member of the staff, and she was early for her meeting. She looked at Cody. “Do you mind waiting back here?”

“Not a problem.” Cody gestured to the waiting room. “I’ll be here when you need me.”

A bright, perky blonde stepped out of the NICU doors and smiled. “Elizabeth Morgan?”

“Yes. Are you the neonatal nurse?”

“Yeah, hi! I’m Nadine Crowell.” She extended her hand, and Elizabeth shook it. “Come on back! I’ll give you a quick tour of what I can and answer any questions you have.”

Elizabeth followed the nurse behind the doors and folded her arms over her belly as they approached the first room. “It’s smaller than I thought it’d be,” she admitted. She stepped to the side as a few people brushed past her. “And busier.”

“Yeah, we don’t have a lot of NICU babies,” Nadine said, “but we have a lot of specialists in and out. Emily said you have CTEPH, which means you’ll be inducing early to avoid complications?” she asked. She stopped at a sink and washed her hands. “You need to wash your hands every time you come in,” she told her. “We’re obsessed with it here.”

“Of course.” Elizabeth washed her hands and accepted the towel Nadine handed her. Then Nadine helped her to put on a gown similar to the one she wore. “Yeah, I’m at thirty weeks. I was hoping to wait until thirty-five, but—” She sighed. “It’ll probably be more like thirty-two.”

“Oh, that’s good. Thirty-two is a good time,” Nadine told her. She stopped in front of a room where an empty incubator sat. “This is where your baby would spend probably about two months,” she told Elizabeth. “At thirty-two weeks, depending on the baby’s own weight and development, they’re in the NICU for six-eight weeks.”

“And my husband and I— we can visit?” Elizabeth murmured. “Dr. Lee said we could.”

“Yes. One of you can be in here twenty-four-seven, and a lot of the time you can be here together, which is good for building the family bond. A lot of parents like that—they can help us wash and change the babies as they get older, and we really encourage skin-to-skin as often as possible—”

Elizabeth blinked, looked at her. “I can hold—we can hold him?”

“Oh, yeah! Babies who get skin-to-skin do just amazing with it. We have a lot of specialists to make sure he gets the best care.” Nadine tipped her head. “It’s not often we get a mom in here before the delivery.”

“Don’t do a lot of tours?”

“Honestly, no, but you’re the chief of staff’s daughter-in-law,” Nadine told her. “And most of the time, parents don’t know they’re going to be in the NICU until it happens.”

“I’m—I’m trying to be okay with inducing early,” Elizabeth admitted. “I’m not sure I’m there yet.”

“It’s scary,” Nadine said. “For parents and sometimes for us. But we’ve come a long way, and there’s a lot we can do to make sure your little guy goes home safe and sound. But at thirty-two weeks, you know—he won’t look like what you’re expecting. His skin might be thinner, he’ll be much smaller—”

“Kelly showed me some pictures.” Elizabeth took a deep breath. “I’m not sure if I can do this,” she murmured. She looked at the incubator, tried to picture herself sitting near it.

“It’s scary,” Nadine repeated. “GH has one of the best staff in the country—and they’ve really invested in the NICU. I know it might be terrifying to think of your son in there, with all the wires and tubes, but Mrs. Morgan?”

Elizabeth looked at her, at the kindness and understanding. “Yeah?”

“He’ll be in good hands here. We’ll love him, take care of him, and I promise you, we will do everything we can to make sure you have a healthy boy to take home.” She paused. “I can schedule an appointment for you to meet with a neonatologist if that might help. He can walk you through the treatment and even talk to you about some complications.”

Elizabeth felt Cameron kick her and smiled. “Yeah, let’s—I’d like to get a better idea of what Cameron will be going through. Can I call you? I want to check with my husband and make sure he can go.” If he was even speaking to her after all of this.

Elizabeth looked around the ward again, seeing it with new eyes. It didn’t seem too small or too busy now. There were so many people here who knew exactly how to help her son. She looked at Nadine again. “Thank you for taking some time to show me one of the rooms and answer my questions. I know it’s special treatment, but I still appreciate it.”

“Honestly, I’d give every parent a tour if we knew in advance,” Nadine said as they walked back towards the ward’s doors. “You’re lucky to be able to plan it, to get the chance to learn to everything.”

Elizabeth smiled at her again and took the card Nadine gave her. “Thanks. I’ll call for that appointment.”

Port Charles Municipal Building: Mayor’s Office

“Well—” Lois set that day’s papers on his desk with a wry smile. “At least Dante and Kristina are out of the headlines.”

Ned grimaced as he read over the Herald and Sun‘s take on the assault and arrest the day before. “For now.”

She sobered and sat across from him. “Your mother’s press statement from the family will help. It meant a lot that she mentioned Brooke. That she connected it.” Lois pressed a fist to her chest. “She said what we couldn’t.”

“I know.”

She cleared her throat. “We could still hold a press conference. Have you reconsidered taking questions?”

“No. I’d have to talk about Alexis and Kristina, and it would get into her representation of Sonny.” Ned shook his head. “I’m trying to avoid it. Let’s see how the statements shake out.” He set the papers aside. “Have you been able to talk to Dante?”

“Not yet. He’s not talking to anyone,” Lois admitted. “He’s left his apartment, and his roommate won’t tell us where he is. Liv thinks he’s at Kelly’s—he’s been sort of seeing Lulu Spencer, and there are rooms there.”

“He’ll understand, Lois—”

“Will he?” Lois sighed. “It’s a miracle that Liv and Alexis are forgiving me. But they get it. They’re mothers. Dante—he’s been through so much, Ned. With Brooke and Vinnie—now this—”

“I talked to Anna and Taggert. They’re looking after him the best they can,” Ned assured her. “And he’s met the right kind of friends here. Lucky and Lulu—they’re loyal. He’s got people who care about him. Even if he’s angry now—”

“It’s just—I hung up on Brooke, and I never had the chance to make up for it. Dante—he’s just a little bit mine. All I have left,” Lois murmured, “and I’ve hurt him so much—”

“You didn’t hurt him,” Ned retorted. “That damn reporter did—”

“We never should have had that argument at the office—”

“I should have left it alone. If he wants to blame anyone, it should be me—”

“But I’m the one who had hate in my heart. I hated you so much for still having Kristina when I had no one, and now I’ve taken that from you—I never wanted that—”

“Alexis has made it clear that I’m still Kristina’s father, and she hasn’t changed her mind about Sonny. Especially after this.” Ned rose from his desk. “Dante will forgive you, Lois. He’s a good kid. He might need time, but I know he will.”

“I hope you’re right.” Lois stood and reached for the papers. “I’ll toss these in the shredder and get back to work. I don’t want to look at them anymore.”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Elizabeth closed her eyes in relief when she finally heard voices outside, in the hallway — quiet, muffled ones which told her that Jason had finally come. It was nearly nine, and she was exhausted from the lack of sleep the night before and the long day, but she’d been determined to wait for him. He hadn’t called to say he wouldn’t be home there, and she didn’t want to miss his call again.

But he wasn’t alone. Justus filed in behind him, his eyes flashing regret when they met hers. She swallowed hard, realizing that Jason hadn’t wanted to be alone with her.

Would she be able to fix any of this? Even if she agreed to check in tomorrow if that’s what he wanted from her—would Jason ever be able to truly forgive her?

“I didn’t think you’d be up,” Jason said as their eyes met for a brief minute. He closed the door behind him. “Justus and I have work to do, but I’ll take you upstairs first—”

“I know you’ve got a lot on your plate,” Elizabeth began, “but I really need to talk to you first—”

“I’ll go,” Justus offered.

“Can it wait until tomorrow?” Jason asked. “I haven’t slept in nearly two days, and I don’t want to deal with this right now. I came home because I need to sleep.”

Elizabeth flinched, and he grimaced. “I didn’t mean it that way, I just—”

“You’re angry with me—”

“I’m going,” Justus interrupted. “I don’t—”

“No,” Jason told him. “We need to go over a few more things, and—”

“I just need to apologize, okay? Didn’t you get any of my messages?” Elizabeth cut in, her voice faltering. “You didn’t—you didn’t call.”

“I got the messages, but—” Jason scrubbed his hands over his face, then let them fall to his side. “Fine, let’s get this over with. You went to Gail, she didn’t change your mind. You’re really sorry, but you’re going to wait until the last minute to induce labor, and you don’t care if you die and leave me alone to raise Cameron. Anything else?” he snapped.

God, keep my head above water
Don’t let me drown, it gets harder
I’ll meet you there at the altar
As I fall down to my knees
Don’t let me drown, drown, drown
Don’t let me, don’t let me, don’t let me drown
– Head Above Water, Avril Lavigne

---

Thursday, February 19, 2004

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

The room was deadly silent after Jason had stormed out. Elizabeth stared at the frame on the floor, the jagged shards of glass scattered. Her hands were trembling as she moved slowly across the room—

“Let me,” Sonny said, roughly but his touch was gentle as he held up a hand. He knelt down and picked up the frame, kicking the glass into a pile. He got to his feet and looked at her, his eyes still red.

“I’ll get a broom.” Justus went towards the kitchen.

Elizabeth didn’t really hear either of them. She just looked at the glass on the floor, then the frame Sonny was holding out to her, a long, jagged piece of glass still tucked in the frame.

“He’s upset,” Sonny told her. “Not about you—”

“It’s me,” she said softly. “He was handling things until I lied—” Her voice broke. “I lied to him.”

Sonny set the frame on the desk. “I can’t make it stop. Can’t make it over. It just needs to be done.” His eyes found hers, the desperation and fear evident. “It all needs to be over. You know that, you get that, don’t you?”

“I do.” She curled her hand into a fist and held it against her chest as a hot tear slid down her cheek. Another followed. “I wish I’d let you kill him months ago. You were right. Better that it’s over. It should have been. It’s my fault. All of it.”

“I wish—” Sonny looked past her, shook his head. “No, she’s wrong.”

Elizabeth blinked at him. “She? What—Carly?”

“No, no. Not her fault. Not all of it. You can’t say it. It’s not mine, either. It’s hers. It’s theirs.”

“Sonny—” Elizabeth began, but Justus returned then with a broom and a dustpan. “I can do that—”

“Don’t,” Justus said with a shake of his head. “I dumped a lot of crap on Jason earlier today,” he told her. “You couldn’t have known that. And—”

“I got arrested,” Sonny muttered. “If Carly would just listen to me—”

“If you’d listen to her—” Justus began heatedly.

“If we just listened to each other,” Elizabeth murmured, but neither man heard her. She turned back to wander towards the sofa, letting them argue. She was so tired. So exhausted of all from all of it.

Why did it have to be so hard? Why did every day feel worse than the one before it?

Why couldn’t it ever just…stop?

“I don’t need to hear this shit from you,” Sonny bit out. “I have things to do, and they know you’re nothing, too!”

“They who?” Justus demanded, but Sonny pushed past the lawyer, yanking the door open and stalking out.

He left the door hanging open, so Cody hesitantly stepped to the threshold. “Uh, do you need anything, Mrs. Morgan?” he asked. He reached out grasped the doorknob. “Can I—”

“I know you’re usually off shift by now,” Justus said, setting the broom aside, the dustpan of glass in his hand. “We’ll need someone on the door tonight. Just to be safe.”

“I can stay—” Cody began.

“No,” Elizabeth said softly. “No. You’ve been here for so long, Cody.” She finally looked over at him. “Thank you. But you need to rest.”

“All right,” the guard said doubtfully. “I’ll call down for a replacement.” He closed the door, leaving Justus alone with Elizabeth.

“I never should have lied to him,” Elizabeth said. She stared down at her hand, then twisted her wedding ring around her finger. “He didn’t deserve that.”

“Neither of you deserves what’s going on,” Justus told her. He sat in the armchair. “You came home last night, Elizabeth, to chaos. And in that moment, you made a mistake. Because you just wanted to make things better. He’ll remember that. He just—he couldn’t absorb one more hit today. And this is the one that hurts.”

“I—”

“That’s not blaming you,” he added. “It’s just acknowledging the truth. Nothing about this is fair. For any of us. He needs some time. He can hold it together when it’s Sonny or Carly or the business.” He waited for Elizabeth to look at him. “But not with you. You know that. You know why.”

“I guess.”

“Elizabeth.”

“No, I—” A sob crawled up her throat, but she swallowed it. “I know. I just can’t stand to hurt him, and it’s all I do.”

“It’s not. I’ll stay until he comes back—”

“You don’t have to do that—”

“I do. He’s my cousin and my family. I came here to be closer to my family,” Justus reminded. “Not just so Mikki and Kimi could know Lila and Edward, but so that I could be here for Jason—and you. We’ll get through this. One day at a time. I’ll call Mikki and let her know I won’t be home for a while.”

Elm Street Pier

Jason was nearly at Bannister’s Wharf and the warehouse parking lot when he heard someone calling his name. If it had been anyone else, he would have ignored it.

But it was his sister.

Jason turned back to see Emily jogging down the steps, a parka pulled over her scrubs. “I thought you were working—”

“I am, and I have to go back, but I got someone to cover for me.” Emily folded her arms. “I was going to head over to the warehouse. Elizabeth called.”

Jason shook his head, turning back towards the wharf. “I don’t want to do this—”

Emily reached out to his elbow. “Hey, just let me talk for a minute, okay?”

“She told you what was going on and not me?” Jason demanded, betrayal washing over him as if someone had dumped a pot of scalding water over his head. “What the hell—”

“Can you blame her?”

Jason’s mouth nearly dropped open at that. “What the hell are you talking about? Of course I can blame her! She lied about her health! Again! How many times does she have to put herself at risk before I get to be angry—”

“I didn’t say you couldn’t be pissed,” Emily snapped. “I asked if you could blame her. You should have been at that appointment! She’s high-risk, facing fatal complications, and you were babysitting your boss again. Sonny’s a fucking adult.”

Jason fisted his hands at his side, but he had nothing to say to that. Emily was absolutely right. If he’d been at the appointment, supporting Elizabeth, then she wouldn’t have been able to lie to him. Wouldn’t haven’t felt the need to.

“She still shouldn’t—”

“No, she shouldn’t have. But what did she come home to, huh? In what world would Elizabeth have told you what was going on? And have you even been home today for her to talk to?”

“No, but—”

“She absolutely should have told you the truth, and she knows it. But she didn’t want to hurt you, Jason. She made a mistake.” Emily folded her arms. “I made her tell you, you know. I didn’t expect you to walk out on her, making her feel even more like shit.”

“I—” His throat closed, and he couldn’t say a word. He’d left her. He hadn’t even asked her if she was okay or what was going on. What was next.

He’d just left. She’d told him the oxygen levels were still bad, and his brain had simply shut down.

“You need to tell her how scared you are,” Emily said, her tone softer now. More gentle. “You’re trying to make her feel okay with the decision she’s making, and that’s not working anymore. Because you aren’t talking to her about how you really feel, and she’s just trying to make things easier for you. She thinks she’s one more thing on the list of shit making your life difficult.”

“I’ve told her she’s the most important—”

“I know. And part of her knows that, Jase. But—” Emily looked away, out over the dark, swirling waters of Lake Ontario. “Last year, neither of us could convince her to leave that house. She risked her life to help find Carly. I think it’s because she didn’t really think her life was worth saving. Not that she’s suicidal,” she added hastily, “but I just—that miscarriage last year. It broke her, and I don’t think she’s all the way back. Even without what happened in that panic room with Ric—” She shrugged a shoulder. “I just think that maybe we’re not giving enough room for any of that. She wasn’t in a good place for a long time, and we both know that this pregnancy was not the plan.”

“Em—”

“We all love this baby, and we all want him to be healthy,” Emily said, cutting off his protest. “But there’s no shame in admitting that it would have been better if Elizabeth had never gotten pregnant. She probably should have had an abortion.”

Emily had said one thing that Jason never would have said out loud. Could never have admitted. He swallowed hard. “I can’t say that to her.”

“No, and I can’t either. But we can say it to each other. Because we love her, and we both know that if she hadn’t had that miscarriage, she probably would have terminated,” Emily told him. “But she thinks it’s her fault that the first baby didn’t make it, and I don’t know if we will ever be able to convince her it wasn’t. It does not make either of us a bad person to say Elizabeth is not healthy enough to bring a baby into this world full-term. It’s just honesty. She literally can’t make it to forty weeks.”

Jason dragged his hands through his hair, moving from his forehead to the nape of his neck. “How does saying it change anything?”

“It doesn’t. I just think you and I will handle this better if we’re honest with each other. We are both terrified that she won’t survive this pregnancy. That she will kill herself to bring this baby into the world. I love that little boy.” Emily’s voice broke. “I’ve felt him kick, I’ve seen him on that ultrasound, and I want him to be here with us. He’s real to me now, and we can’t go back. You and I would give our lives to protect him, so when we try to convince Elizabeth that she shouldn’t do the same—can you blame her for not believing us?”

“No.” He hesitated. “I didn’t—she didn’t tell me anything other than the levels dropped. What’s—what did Monica say? How bad is that?”

“She’s okay for now. Mom’s going to be sticking to her like white on rice,” Emily told him. “She’s increasing the oxygen, and if they’re not back to 95 when Mom comes to check on her tomorrow, then Elizabeth promised to induce.”

Jason exhaled in a whoosh, some of the tension and tightness in his chest dissipating. “I can’t keep doing this.”

“You need to talk to her,” Emily said again. “She knows you love her, but I think sometimes…I don’t know. It’s like she can’t believe she could possibly be more important than Sonny. Or the business. Or Carly and the kids. She keeps putting herself at the end of the list.”

Because Jason had put her there the year before, and she’d never fully believed it was different now. He’d known she was in danger from Ric, and he’d let her stay in that damn house. If he’d forced her out—if he’d made her leave, would she believe him now that she came first?

Was he ever going to be able to undo all the damage he’d done with Courtney? Or that her own family had done? That Lucky and the Spencers had done by guilting her into fighting the Cassadines and risking her own life to fix Lucky?

Jason didn’t know the answer to that. Was he supposed to spend the rest of his life apologizing for a mistake he’d made almost two years ago and had repeatedly tried to make amends for?

His phone vibrated in his pocket, and he pulled it out, wincing when he saw Justus’s name.

“What?” he asked. “Is Elizabeth—”

“She’s fine. I was going to stick until you came back, but Max just came over—Sonny’s gone. We thought he went to the penthouse, but he was gone by the time Max came on duty. I don’t know where the hell he is.”

Municipal Building: City Attorney’s Office

“You’re going to want to avoid my mother for a while,” Ned told Alexis with an air of exhaustion as he slumped into a chair.

“Of course the news would break while she was in Port Charles,” Alexis muttered. She folded her arms, leaned against her desk. “She never liked me.”

“I’m not her favorite person either.” Ned cleared his throat. “The thing is—finding out Kristina isn’t my daughter—”

“Ned—”

“It’s hit the family hard,” he forced out. “Because we lost…”

Because they’d lost Brooke barely six months earlier, and the Quartermaines loved fiercely. They rivaled only the Cassadines in their devotion to protecting each other from outsiders—or destroying themselves from within.

“I can understand if with all the press—” Alexis bit her lip. “The scandal, I mean, if you want to pull back from her. If you want me to resign—”

Ned’s head snapped up, and he rose quickly. “Absolutely not. What kind of hypocrite would I be? I knew she wasn’t mine. And if it hadn’t been for you, for Jax—” He shook his head. “I wouldn’t accept Lois’s resignation, and I’m not interested in yours. And—” He paused. “I love Kristina. I don’t—” He looked past her to the window overlooking the streets. “I always knew one day the truth would come out, but I thought it would be years. I thought I would have more time.”

“Ned, I don’t—” Alexis reached for his hand. “I don’t want Kristina to lose you. I asked you to be her father. I never meant it just for the lie, to keep her safe. I meant it forever. You’ll just have to adopt her or something. I don’t know. Legally, you’re on her birth certificate, so Sonny will have to—”

Her words were cut off when Ned dragged her into a tight hug. She drew back, then laid a hand on his cheek. “If you still want her, then we’re in this together. No one has to lose anything.”

“Thank you. I didn’t know how I was going to ask, but—thank you.” He stepped back.

“Now, if we’re done with the dramatics,” she said briskly, “we need to talk about the press statement I’m planning.” She handed him a draft. “Lois will want the final say, but I wanted to take a crack at it.”

“It’s hard to admit it,” Ned said, as he skimmed it, “but Sonny getting arrested again might actually help swing this back our way.” He set the statement down. “Thank you, by the way, for forgiving Lois—”

“She didn’t do it on purpose,” Alexis interrupted with a shake of her head. “And I meant what I said. She had a bad moment, and some damned vulture was right there. When we get through with the Herald and the Sun, they’re going to regret ever running those stories—”

They both turned as they heard shouts and something crashed outside her office. “The whole world has gone mad,” Ned muttered, but the blood iced over in her veins as she heard someone demanding access to that bitch.

She knew that voice.

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

“I’m sorry,” Elizabeth said, wrinkling her nose as her mother-in-law came in. “Justus didn’t want me to be alone, and—”

“And Sonny’s off making a nuisance of himself again,” Monica muttered. She set down her black doctor bag. “Well, I wanted to come over tomorrow and check your levels, so—”

“I can’t—I can’t do anything until Jason comes home,” Elizabeth said, her heartbeat increasing as Monica took out the pulse oximeter. “If they’re not where you want them—” She squeezed her eyes shut. “I never told him. Not until tonight.”

Monica paused, then sat down on the sofa next to him. “You didn’t?” she repeated.

“I was going to, I promise. But I came home, and things were just—” She twisted her fingers in her lap. “It was bad. Sonny and Justus were arguing, and I couldn’t—I couldn’t tell him. I couldn’t. So lied. Then I told him tonight, and he walked out.”

Monica absorbed that, then nodded. “All right.” She reached for Elizabeth’s hand to start the reading, but Elizabeth frowned at her, fisting her hand in her lap.

“Is that all you’re going to say?”

“About Jason? Yes. I’m not surprised,” Monica told her. “Disappointed, but not surprised. You’ve always struggled to tell Jason about your health, and he’s always been too protective of you.” She paused. “You’re not seeing Gail anymore, are you?”

“No. I—we were pretty regular for a few months, but we tapered off after Vinnie was arrested. Um, I was doing those support groups, and I don’t know. Gail was in Arizona over the winter with Lee. Is—is she back?”

“She and Lee got home while you were gone.” Monica tipped her head. “You’ve got a lot of people who love you, Elizabeth. I think that’s hard for you to accept because the people who should love you the most aren’t here.”

Elizabeth shook her head. “I don’t care about that—”

“I used to be married to your father,” Monica reminded her. “He’s a great doctor, but he was a terrible husband. Not that I was all that much better at being his wife,” she admitted. “I’ve met your mother a time or two, you know. They’re together because they’re both obsessed with their careers. Steve and Sarah made sense to them, your grandfather used to tell me. But you never did. It was easier for them to stop trying.”

“I was a pain in the ass—”

“I wasn’t some great mother either,” Monica said. “Jason doesn’t remember just how terrible Alan and I were when they were growing up, but AJ does. We’ve done better with Emily. We learned so much, but the damage we did to our boys—it’s part of the reason Jason felt like he had to get in that car to stop AJ from hurting himself. He decided long ago he was the only one who could save AJ, and we let him. Because it was easier.”

“Monica—”

“Jason loves too hard,” Monica cut in, and Elizabeth fell silent. “And so do you. You want so badly to protect him that you’ve hurt him to do it. And I’ve seen him do the same to you.” She took Elizabeth’s hand, wrapping it between both of hers. “You matter, Elizabeth. I’m sorry that Jeff and Carolyn don’t want to take the time to love you. That has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. I want you to stop thinking about them as anyone who should matter in your life, and remember the people right in front of you who love you.”

“I know that I’m not doing any of this right,” Elizabeth said, “but—”

“There is no right, and there is no wrong. There’s only the way that works for you. I think you should talk to Gail,” Monica said. “You’ll feel better if you can talk it out with someone who doesn’t have power over you, who isn’t someone who you want to protect and take care of. Or someone whose love and respect you’re trying to keep.”

Elizabeth’s vision blurred with tears. “That’s not….”

Monica brushed a piece of hair out of Elizabeth’s eyes. “I love you so very much. Not just because somehow you’ve brought Jason closer to us, but because of who you are. I want you to be okay. Will you think about it?”

“Yes.” Elizabeth nodded. “I’ll—I’ll call Gail in the morning.”

“Good. Now—” Monica reached for her hand. “Let’s see how you’re doing after some extra oxygen.”

Elizabeth watched Monica’s eyes very carefully as the doctor focused on the meter. “Is it better?”

“You’re not at 95,” Monica said, and Elizabeth’s heart sank. “But you’ve gone up to 94. That’s good. I wasn’t going to check until tomorrow, so we’ll do it again and see if we’re back at 95.” She smiled at Elizabeth, squeezing her hand. “We both deserved a little bit of good news. Why don’t you call Jason?”

“He’s dealing with Sonny—” Elizabeth wrinkled her nose when Monica just raised a brow. “Yeah, okay.” She reached for her phone, then got his voicemail. She sighed. “Hey. I just wanted to tell you Monica came over to sit with me, and she checked my levels. I’m not at 95, but it’s back to 94. If you don’t believe me—and I don’t blame you—you can call her. I’m sorry,” she added softly. “I just—I’m sorry. I love you.”

Municipal Building: City Attorney’s Office

Sonny stalked in, charging in her direction with Alexis’s secretary and two security guards behind him. Ned managed to step in front of Alexis just as Sonny reached her, his face so flushed Alexis thought he might actually pass out from anger.

Could someone be so angry they died?

“Get him out of here!” Ned snarled to the security guards, who tried to grab Sonny under the arms and drag him back.

“You lying bitch! You stole my daughter! I’ll make you pay!” Sonny screamed, and her eyes bulged—she’d never, ever seen him like this—

Alexis had heard what happened at the Brownstone, had seen Sonny angry before—but this was a level of furious that she just—

She was terrified.

“Call 911!” Ned told the secretary, who rushed away. He shoved Sonny back when the other man broke loose of the security guards and grabbed his jacket to shake him.

“You stole my daughter! You piece of shit!” Sonny swung at Ned, and Ned didn’t duck—he let Sonny’s punch land, sending him flying backward into Alexis. They both stumbled back, and Alexis tripped over her desk chair.

“The police are coming!” the secretary cried, wringing her hands. More security guards flooded into the room, and Sonny was finally dragged away.

Alexis pulled herself to her feet, swallowing hard as her heart pounded in her ears. She’d always known that if the truth came out, Sonny would lose his mind—but she couldn’t quite make herself accept this was actually happening.

“About fucking time,” Ned snarled as two officers came in. “Did you crawl across the fucking street?” he demanded. “I want him arrested for trespassing and assault—”

“Let me go!” Sonny shoved the security guards forward, but one of the officers managed to get the cuffs on him. Between the guards and the cops, he was dragged out of the office and towards the elevators.

Alexis closed her eyes and put her hands on her face, struggling to find her breath. “Oh my God,” she moaned.

“Are you okay?”

“I—” She looked at him. “I don’t know—” She swallowed hard. “You’re bleeding.”

Ned touched his lip, then scowled. “Figures. Let’s go across the street and sign our statements. They won’t let him out of lockup again. Not after his second assault in a matter of hours. He’s lost his fucking mind.”

Brownstone: Kitchen

Carly slowly placed the phone back on the receiver, then sat down at the table and put her head in her hands.

“Carly?” Bobbie’s hand dropped on her shoulder. “What’s wrong? Who was that?”

“I spent the last eight hours,” Carly murmured, “down at the PCPD making statements, talking to the ADA, talking to Jason and Justus, talking to Michael—Sonny has occupied every waking thought and moment of my life for months.”

“Carly—”

“I just want a single minute when it’s just me. Is that so hard to ask? Just me and the boys.”

“Of course not. What happened? Who was—”

“Taggert. He was calling from the station.” Carly leaned back. “Jason was supposed to take Sonny home and keep him under wraps until he was completely calmed down, but he got away. He went to Alexis’s office and attacked Ned.”

Bobbie sat down, her eyes wide. “Sonny attacked Ned? What? How? Is—”

“He’s fine. Sonny got in a punch, so that’s another assault charge—” Carly put her head down, folding her arms underneath it. “They’re not going to let him out.”

“No, they won’t.”

“He’ll be locked up. In the dark. No windows. A small space.” Carly raised her head, tears streaming down her face. “He’ll be so scared, and it’ll be worse. Oh, God, Mama. He hates the dark. He hates it so much. I know how much he hates it.”

“Baby—”

“I don’t know how to make this stop. Why can’t I make him get help? Why aren’t the boys and I enough to make it happen? He said he loves me, but—”

“Mental illness,” Bobbie said, “is a terrible thing to suffer from. Your own mind is your enemy, and you can’t trust your own thoughts. While I believe that some of what Sonny has done these last few months is completely under his control, I can also accept that even when he appears lucid to all of us, he might be fighting a war inside his own mind he can’t win.”

“He’s such a good man. Such a good father and it kills me to see this, you know?” Carly swiped at her tears. “He’d hate himself for what he’s doing to us. To Jason. But he can’t see it, and I’m so afraid that if none of this has been enough—Mama—”

“The only way we’re ever going to be able to force him to get help is if he hurts someone,” Bobbie told her. “And I don’t know if Taggert and Ned are enough to convince anyone that Sonny needs help. I hope so.” She paused. “You said Sonny got past Jason?”

“Oh, God.” Carly got to her feet and crossed back to the phone. “I hope everything’s okay.”

PCPD: Squad Room

Jason had spent way too much time in this room today and in the last eight months. He entered the room just as he finished reassuring Carly he was fine. When he ended the call, he saw a missed call and voicemail from Elizabeth. His finger slid over it, but he finally just closed the phone and put it in his pocket.

Justus was waiting for him, leaving Taggert at the desk and striding over to meet him. “Hey. Sonny’s being booked—”

“I already know that we can’t get him out tonight,” Jason said. “I just wanted to know how bad—”

“Bad,” Justus said grimly. “Scott’s taking point on the case since it involves the mayor. Sonny got past security by decking a few people downstairs and made it all the way into Alexis’s office before security was able to stop him. He’s being charged with assault on public officials and all the kind of crap that comes with it.”

“Christ.”

“It’s bad,” Justus repeated. “And Scott made it clear — he’s not in the mood to negotiate. Ned’s got a PR mess on his hands with the Kristina stuff, and Sonny doing this makes him look better, but I also think—”

“Scott’s been talking to Bobbie,” Jason said. “He already hates Sonny, so he’s not going to do us any favors.”

“We can’t do anything tonight. Sonny’s stuck in here, and I don’t think he’s going to be allowed out on bail.” Justus paused. “I want to push for a psychiatric evaluation. I think this is our best chance to make it happen.”

Jason looked towards the interrogation room. How many hours had passed since he’d been here over another assault charge? “Find out which judge is overseeing the hearing,” he said finally.

“Got it.” Justus paused. “About earlier—”

“I don’t want to talk about it—”

“Then don’t say anything. You should go home,” Justus told him. “Because Elizabeth needs you—”

“And I need to not be angry when I see her,” Jason bit out. “I understand what she did and why she did it. That doesn’t mean I’m not still—” He paused. “I can only deal with one thing at a time, and I just—I can’t right now. You said on the phone Monica was with her, didn’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. She will call if anything happens.”

Justus opened his mouth but then shook his head. “All right. Let me go see if they’re ready to finish this.”

Jason watched Justus return to Taggert, then reached for his phone. He looked at the voicemail again, and this time he let it play.

“…it’s back to 94. If you don’t believe me—and I don’t blame you—you can call her. I’m sorry. I just—I’m sorry. I love you.”

He let the words wash over him, the relief that she’d improved a little, and the shame that he did want to call Monica and confirm. Then he put the phone back in his pocket and waited for Justus.

He knew what he could handle right now and what he couldn’t—and going home to Elizabeth, to have that conversation that he knew needed to happen—

He wasn’t ready for it, and he didn’t think Elizabeth was either. Maybe in the morning.

But I’m a fire and I’ll keep your brittle heart warm
If your cascade ocean wave blues come
All these people think love’s for show
But I would die for you in secret
The devil’s in the details, but you got a friend in me
Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?
– peace, Taylor Swift

---

Thursday, February 19, 2004

PCPD: Locker Room

One step in front of the other. That was how he was going to handle this. He was back at work, starting a shift just like nothing had changed.

And he was going to ignore every other cop in the room staring at him with side eyes—so what if they thought he was a dirty cop? They were lazy pieces of shit—

“Hey—”

Dante jerked away at the hand on his shoulder and nearly slammed into the lockers, his heart racing. Then he realized it was just Lucky and caught his breath. “Sorry—”

“I’m sorry—” Lucky began at the same time, then cleared his throat. “I didn’t mean to startle you. I was just—I was worried.” He set a duffel bag on the bench. “Cruz said you were staying somewhere else to get the press off your trail—”

“Yeah. They were outside our building, too,” Dante slammed his locker door shut. “They’re still at my ma’s. Trying to get to Lois or Alexis, I think. Ma’s not really rating any interviews. She’s just the teenager that Sonny knocked—” He stopped. “I’m fine.”

“You don’t have to tell me,” Lucky said after a moment. “I just—I wanted you to know if you need anything, I’m here.”

“I don’t—I just need everyone to pretend they don’t know.” Dante grunted as he fastened the last button on his shirt. “That’s not happening.”

“No, I guess not.” Lucky tipped his head. “Do they know how it leaked?”

He grimaced. “No. Not yet. No one was supposed to know. Me, my ma, and some family back in Bensonhurst. That was it.” He paused. “I told Lu the other day, but she didn’t say anything.”

“You told my sister.” Lucky squinted. “Uh, so I guess you cleared things up there.”

“Doesn’t really matter anymore, but yeah. I don’t know how the papers found out, but someone decided to destroy my life.” Dante stared at his badge for a long moment before pinning to his shirt. He wasn’t sure how much longer he’d be able to keep doing this job. Some were already looking at him weird after he’d testified against Vinnie, now—

It was just a matter of time before the job he loved was taken from him, just like everything else in his life. Brooke, his family—

The job was all he had left, and now the clock was ticking on that. Who the hell hated him that much?

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

“Grandfather hit the roof when the papers were published,” Emily said as she handed Elizabeth a glass of water and sat next to her. “He’s threatening to sue the Herald and the Sun for putting Kristina in danger—”

“Maybe we should do a class action suit,” Elizabeth muttered. She rubbed her forehead. “It’s crazy. Jason spent most of yesterday trying to keep Sonny from flipping out—and he’s at the warehouse now because I think Sonny is trying to get a lawyer to go after visitation—”

“Christ. He doesn’t wait long.” Emily shuddered. “Justus won’t do it?”

“Justus—” Elizabeth paused. “He quit last night. Sonny was flipping out, and he—” She sipped her water, the guilt swimming in her stomach. “Justus doesn’t want to deal with it,” she said finally, uncomfortable telling Emily about the violent scene she’d witnessed the night before.

“Can’t blame him, but it sucks for you and Jason. Justus is a great lawyer.” Emily twirled her fork in her pasta salad. “How did your appointment go?”

Elizabeth opened her mouth to tell Emily the same thing she’d told Jason but then closed it. “Not well,” she said finally. “The glucose test went fine,” she said, “but…my oxygen levels aren’t getting better.”

Emily set down the fork and stared at Elizabeth. “Are they getting worse?”

“They dropped another point. I’m still a few points above where we need to worry, but—”

“But it could change at any minute.” Emily’s shoulders were tense as she leaned forward. “What did Mom say?”

“The same thing she did last month. And last week. She wants me to check in as soon as possible. Yesterday, even.” Elizabeth’s fingers suddenly felt limp, and she set down the glass on the coffee table with a thud. “But I’m—there’s still—there’s time—”

“Elizabeth.”

“There’s not as much as I wanted, but every day I can make it—it gives Cameron a better chance. I can’t stand the idea of him struggling in the NICU, Em, or ending up with a long-term complication. I mean, we’re talking about the difference between some vision issues and something like cerebral palsy or severe learning problems—”

“We’re talking about your life!”

Elizabeth closed her eyes. “Em—”

“You have the best medical care that money can buy. Between your husband and our family, Elizabeth, any complication Cameron has—we can handle it. We can get him tutors and doctors and treatments—”

“I know that—”

“But we can’t get another you.”

Elizabeth looked at her best friend, her sister-in-law, and tried to speak. The words refused to form as she processed Emily’s statement. “Em—”

“What happens if there’s a crisis and you deliver tomorrow?” Emily demanded. “If you have something happen at home and we have to rush you in, and by the time we get there—there’s no chance for you, just for Cameron? You want Jason to have to deal with that?”

“No, but—”

“You want us to raise this little boy without you?”

“No!”

“Then why are you refusing to remember that you come first?” Emily continued, almost ruthlessly. “Your body has to come first. You can’t help Cameron if you don’t help yourself.”

“I can’t—” Her throat closed, and Elizabeth’s chest tightened. Her lungs started to burn, the familiarity of the sensation so fucking frustrating—

She wanted to breathe. Why was it so hard to just breathe?

Without another word, Emily leaned down to the side table. She removed the oxygen tank they kept there and helped Elizabeth fit the mask over her face. She sat next to her, holding Elizabeth’s hand as the cool, sweet air flooded into her nose and mouth, and gradually, her chest eased.

“I’m sorry,” Emily said. “But I told you that we’d have this argument when your health started to change.”

Elizabeth kept her eyes closed as she pulled the mask down, letting it rest on her belly. “Do you think I want it this way?” she murmured.

“No, of course not—”

“I didn’t want to spend my pregnancy being scared all the time. I didn’t want to spend my life this way. I’ve spent too much time being afraid of taking chances. Of reaching for what I really want. I couldn’t get out of my own way long enough to be happy.”

“Elizabeth—”

“I understand that what I’ve—that the way I’ve handled things so far is unreasonable. Do you think I don’t?” she demanded.

“No, but—”

“And it’s so easy for everyone to tell me to put myself first.” Elizabeth shoved the mask aside and pushed herself to her feet, her body protesting the movement. “So easy for you and Jason and Monica to look at me like I’m insane—”

“No one thinks that—”

“What was I supposed to do?” Elizabeth demanded. “Deliver my baby at twenty-eight weeks and give him the worst possible start to life when my vitals were relatively healthy?”

“Of course not—”

“My oxygen levels dropped two points to 92. I’ve read the stupid papers Monica gave me. Below 90 is a concern, not at 92.”

“Yeah—”

“Every single day I manage to stay pregnant is one more chance for Cameron to be healthy.” She rubbed her belly, feeling her son press his tiny feet against her hand, reminding her why she was struggling so hard. “You know better than anyone what it’s like to lay in a hospital bed, gasping for breath. After your accident—”

“I never said I didn’t—”

“I’ve spent six months not being able to trust my body. Not being able to trust that I’ll be able to breathe without oxygen nearby. I don’t want my son to spend a single day in the NICU longer than he has to. That’s what I’m fighting for.”

“I understand all of that.” Emily got to her feet. “And I’m on your side. We all are—this isn’t a battle. We’re not at war, Elizabeth. You’re at thirty weeks. It’s so much safer now—”

“And it’ll be even safer if I get to thirty-two—”

“Elizabeth—your condition could change overnight. You know that! You could—you could go to sleep tonight and not wake up—” She scowled. “What did Jason say? I know he’s not happy about any of this, not that he’ll say so.”

Elizabeth bristled. “What does that mean?”

“Don’t pretend you don’t know that Jason has spent the last two months biting his tongue,” Emily retorted. “We all decided not to argue about this until we have to. Since he clearly didn’t get you to check in yesterday, I guess he didn’t win—”

“He didn’t—” Elizabeth paused. “He doesn’t know.”

“He doesn’t—” Emily’s eyes widened. “What do you mean he doesn’t know?”

“I mean, that the papers hit right before we were supposed to leave,” Elizabeth said. “So Jason stayed to deal with Sonny. When I got home from the appointment—” She fisted her hand and rubbed it against her chest. “Sonny was here screaming at Jason, and Justus was angry. Sonny shoved Justus into the wall—”

“What—”

“And Justus quit. After everything going on with Ric and Sonny and Carly—and there are other problems I’m not supposed to know about—the last thing Jason needed was for me to dump one more thing on him—”

“You are not one more thing, Elizabeth. You are his wife—”

Elizabeth shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. He didn’t need this last night—”

“And when is it going to be a good time?” Emily demanded. “Before or after your vitals crash and Mom has to explain to Jason what the hell is going on—”

“I—”

“Look, I’m sorry for Carly and everyone dealing with Sonny. I am. And I know that’s Jason’s problem, too. But at the end of the day, do you think Jason is going to be happy you didn’t tell him this then? What did you tell him about the appointment?”

Elizabeth shifted her eyes. “That everything was fine, which is technically true, but I know he thought I meant my oxygen levels were better, or at least the same. Don’t look at me that way, Em. You didn’t see him. He needed someone to give him a break, okay? He needed me not to be something he has to worry about—”

“And that’d be great if it weren’t a lie.” Emily turned and went towards her purse on the desk. “I’m calling him—”

“Emily—”

“If you’re not going to tell him there’s a problem with his family—”

“Don’t—”

“Then you tell him the next time you see him.” Emily arched a brow. “Or I will.”

Warehouse: Jason’s Office

“I’m sorry, Jason, I really am. Mikki and I talked it over,” Justus continued, “and I just can’t keep doing this—”

Jason rubbed the back of his neck, then looked out the window that overlooked the waterfront. “I know.” How could he ask his cousin for one more thing after the man had uprooted his entire family to move to Port Charles only to be attacked?

Jason had known Sonny was on the edge of the darkness he’d spent most of his life fighting. He slipped over it a few times, but Jason had always been able to drag him back. But since December, since that terrible night in the penthouse, Jason just hadn’t been able to reach him. Was it too late? Had Sonny slipped too far?

He turned back to Justus. “I can’t ask you to stay on. I knew you were only sticking because of Elizabeth and the baby—”

“And you,” Justus cut in. “I didn’t want to leave you with all of this going on.” He paused. “I still don’t. There’s something really weird going on with all this Ric stuff. I know you’re overloaded between the crap Sonny is pulling, the problems Tommy and Luke are warning you about—and all of that has nothing on what’s happening with Elizabeth and the baby.” He grimaced. “I just can’t pretend I can represent Sonny anymore. Especially after yesterday.”

“I know,” Jason repeated. He put his hands at his waist, dipped his head, and took a deep breath. “Okay. Okay. What if I get Sonny another lawyer? You won’t have to deal with him anymore.”

Justus squinted. “Jason—”

“I can explain that to him,” Jason said. “You’re needed here. At the warehouse. Concentrating on Ric. Sonny should have someone who can just focus on his family.”

“Do you really want him to have a lawyer that does nothing but focus on Carly and the kids? On Alexis?” Justus asked doubtfully. “You can probably convince him to leave the Falconieri kid alone because he’s a cop, but—”

“I want it all to go away,” Jason said flatly. “But that’s not an option on the table, so we’re going to go with what we have. Bernie can’t handle everything, and your biggest problem is dealing with Sonny. I can’t—” He shook his head. “If you really need to go, if you really can’t stay, then okay. I can handle that. But I’m asking you for more time. Just a few more weeks. I need someone I can trust. Bernie’s been good for us these last six months, it’s not the same. I know you,” he told Justus. “I trust you.”

Justus exhaled slowly, scrubbed a hand over his face, then remained silent for a long moment. “You’re not dealing with this, Jason. You’re just making Sonny someone else’s problem—”

“He’ll snap out of this—”

“He won’t.” Justus got to his feet. “Since the day I came to Port Charles to help you last summer, Sonny hasn’t been someone I reported to. He’s a figurehead, Jason. You’ve done your job and his—you’ve been taking care of his family and yours. You can’t do it all. I’d stay if I thought this was temporary, but it’s not. If Elizabeth delivers in a few weeks, you’ll have a premature baby in the NICU to worry about. You’ll be distracted even more than you are now.”

Jason swallowed hard. “What you’re asking me to do, I can’t—”

“I’m not asking you to do anything. The time is past for that. You’re weak, Jason,” Justus said, his tone gentle. “Because you’re not doing what needs to be done. You’re sticking your head in the sand, and you’re putting all of us—including Elizabeth—in more danger. The other reason I can’t stay on as Sonny’s lawyer is that I agree with Carly. She’s taking her boys and making a run for it.”

Jason said nothing. What could he say? Justus was right, after all. So were Luke and Tommy and everyone else.

But what the hell were they asking him to do? Exile him to the island and hope he didn’t come back—

What did they expect from him? To kill Sonny?

“The very thing that makes you the best right-hand man in the game,” Justus continued, “is what is making everything worse. Your loyalty to Sonny is admirable, and it’s what’s giving you the time you’ve been given. Tommy has a lot of power, and if he wanted it, he could have taken things months ago. But he respects you too much to do it now. You know he’s the threat he’s talking about. He didn’t go after Sonny when Smith went down, and he didn’t go to Moreno or Sorel because he thought Sonny was the right guy to follow. He doesn’t think so anymore.”

Jason sat down, stared hard at the surface of the desk. “I know all of this,” he admitted. “I just don’t see a way out of it. Not right now.”

The room was quiet as Jason’s words hung in the air. Finally, Justus sighed. “I’ll stay on,” he said. “Because I love and respect you, Jason. And if Mikki was going through what Elizabeth is, I’m not sure I’d be able to handle it either. Kimi is my whole world, and I want you to have that. I don’t want to deal with Sonny unless I have to, but we’re not going to maintain the status quo. Something is going to have to change.”

“I know,” Jason said again, but before he could continue, Bernie shoved the door open. His face was flushed, and he was breathing hard.

“We got a problem. Just got a call from our contact in Baltimore.”

Jason closed his eyes. “Ric?” he asked.

“Yeah.” Bernie scowled. “It gets worse. Big Bobby said he called Sonny—”

“What—” Jason’s eyes flew open as he gaped at his adviser. “What the hell—”

“And I called the Towers—Sonny took off. They called him ten minutes before us—”

“Damn it,” Jason swore. He looked at Justus, who was pulling out his phone. “Who are—”

“I’m calling the Brownstone—” He paused and met Jason’s eyes. “And I’m calling Taggert. We might already be too late.”

Port Charles Municipal Building: Mayor’s Office

“Edward wants to sue,” Alexis told Ned as Lois slipped into the office, “and I’m almost tempted. What the hell was the Herald thinking? I understand the Sun, but—”

“It’s the connection to the PCPD,” Ned said. He rubbed the side of his face, the weariness bleeding through every word. He sat behind his desk, then dragged his hands through his hair. “They couldn’t resist it. Local godfather has connections to the mayor’s office and the PCPD—all the scandals this last year—”

“But Dante’s a good cop,” Olivia said, her eyes flashing. “He’s clean! They torpedoed him—”

“It’s my fault.”

Alexis and Olivia looked at Lois while Ned just sighed. “What do you mean?” Alexis asked. “How is this—”

“You didn’t even know,” Olivia said at the same time.

“I did,” Lois said miserably. “I overheard you and Ned a few days ago talking about Dante and Kristina, and I just—” She stopped, her hands shaking, her entire body shivering and tingling. She didn’t quite feel like she was even in the room. Everything was happening around her, and she was floating.

“I was so angry,” she forced out. “I thought—if Ned wasn’t—” She pressed a fist to her mouth, wrapping her other arm around her waist.

Olivia was still blinking at her in confusion, but Alexis exhaled in a rush. “You thought if Ned hadn’t been lying about Kristina, he would have had more time for Brooke.”

Lois squeezed her eyes closed, nodding. She couldn’t bear to look at them, couldn’t bear to say anything.

“I don’t understand. I don’t—” Olivia’s voice sounded far away. “Did you call the papers?”

“Of course not,” Ned snapped. “Lois would never—” He cleared his throat. “We argued after hours,” he admitted. “But it was—at the office. Someone could have overheard.”

“I never wanted—” Lois’s breath caught on a sob. “I would never hurt your babies. I would never—” Her knees felt weak. “I just—I want my daughter back, and I can’t have it. I can’t ever have it, and it keeps hitting me over and over again—I’m so sorry.”

She pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes so hard that she saw stars. Still not able to look at them, keeping her eyes closed, Lois said, “I’ll resign.”

“I won’t accept it,” Ned bit out. “This is my fault—”

Lois snapped her eyes open to glare at her ex-husband. “It’s mine! I did this! I made this about me and I—”

“I didn’t do enough for Brooke. It’s my fault she’s gone.”

“It’s not—I asked him to lie,” Alexis said, quickly stepping in front of Ned, who just scowled at her. “Lois—”

“No, I won’t let you—” Ned put a hand on Alexis’s arm. “Yes, it was your idea, but I agreed. But that’s not what happened last summer. You had custody of Kristina. I was—it wasn’t Kristina distracting me.” He focused on Lois. “It wasn’t. I couldn’t reach Brooke. I couldn’t make her listen. I couldn’t make her see, and so I didn’t—I didn’t try enough.”

“Ned—” Lois shook her head. “I sent her away—”  She looked at Olivia, who had said nothing so far. “I never—in my life— would have hurt Dante. I love him like my own. You know that, Livvie. You have to know that.”

“I—” Olivia cleared her throat. “I do know that. You were there when he was a baby. We raised our babies together. They were—” She closed her eyes, struggling for the words. “I just—he’s been hit over and over again. Vinnie, my ma and her bullshit—she told him about Sonny, and that’s been bad—but this—everyone knowing—”

“I’m sorry—” The guilt and shame flooded Lois with a hot flush that crawled up her neck and into her cheeks. “I’m so goddamn sorry, Liv—”

“But I get to wake up every day and have my kid. If I lost him, I’d be a wild woman. Losing Brooke almost broke me, and she wasn’t even mine.” Olivia went to her best friend, took her hands in hers, her dark eyes damp with tears. “I love you. I forgive you.”

“What—”

“You lost a child,” Alexis interrupted, her voice soft. “When my sister died, I—well, we know what I did,” she muttered. “And then that man nearly cost me my baby. I made him pay. Lois, Brooke was a beautiful young woman who deserved better from all of us.”

“Alexis—”

“You didn’t do this,” she continued. “You had a weak moment, and someone saw it. They took your grief and used it. They made a profit off it.” Her tone grew more confident as she turned to Ned. “And that’s how we’re going to come back from this. This is seen as corruption? As a scandal? To hell with that! We’re mothers, and we were protecting our kids. Lois lost her daughter because of that corruption! You both lost her,” she added, “but—”

“But if we stand together as mothers,” Olivia cut in, “who were protecting their kids—just like Carly is doing now, then we can make the public understand. This doesn’t have to be a scandal. We can’t—we can’t really do much for Dante at the PCPD,” she admitted painfully. She squeezed Lois, smiling at her through her tears. “But I’m not letting the papers take your grieving and use it to hurt you. Or Ned. Or our kids. What can I do to help?” she asked Alexis.

“I love you,” Lois said, her voice faltering. “Both of you. All of you,” she corrected as she reached out her other hand to Alexis. “And I will do whatever I can to protect your kids. You’re right. The press wants to pretend those secrets were kept to get you into office? Bull-fucking shit. Let’s remind everyone that they knew about the serial rapist, and they held the story, too. They want to say that you did something wrong?” she said to Ned. “Let’s remind them that everyone has blood on their hands.”

Brownstone: Foyer

Taggert sprinted down the steps and grimaced as he saw the double doors to Bobbie’s apartment open. In the living room, he could see Michael sprawled out on his stomach, his head propped up on his chin watching video games. Behind him, Lucas and Felix had controllers in their hands. On the opposite sofa, Maxie Jones was talking on a cell phone.

“Hey.” He stopped in the doorway. “Bobbie or Carly around?”

“Nah, Carly’s at the Cellar, and Mom’s at work.” Lucas paused the game, frowning at him. “What’s up?”

“Maxie, can you do me a favor?” he said. The blonde looked up, furrowing her brow. “Can you take Michael to his room? Just for a few minutes.”

“Uh, okay.” Maxie got to her feet. “Kyle, I’ll call you back, okay? No, things are fine, I just need to do something.” To Michael, she said. “Come on, kid. Let’s check on Morgan. See if he’s awake from his nap yet.”

Michael looked at Taggert for a long moment before climbing to his feet. “Is my daddy coming?” he asked in a small voice.

“I don’t know,” Taggert said, not wanting to lie. “But maybe. And I think it’d be better if you were in your room.”

“Yeah, come on. We’ll steal Lucas’s Game Boy, and you can play on that, okay?” Maxie put a hand on Michael’s shoulder. “Lucas?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” Lucas saved the game and turned it off. He grabbed his Game Boy from the nearby table and tossed it to Maxie. “You call my sister?” he asked Taggert when Michael and Maxie were out of earshot.

“No, I didn’t want to worry her. If he shows up, then we’ll call. But I just wanted you to be on your toes. Justus Ward called me—”

“Why would Sonny’s lawyer call you?” Felix asked with a frown. “Isn’t that against the law?”

“Not if Justus thinks his client is about to commit a crime,” Lucas said, his eyes on Taggert. “Right? If he has knowledge of a future crime?”

“Violent crime, yeah. And considering what happened here earlier this week—” Taggert held up a hand. “Let me back up. Justus said that Sonny got news that Ric Lansing might be in Baltimore.”

“Damn,” Lucas muttered. To Felix, he said, “That’s a lot fucking closer than Atlanta.”

They heard a car squeal to a stop in front of the house. Felix leaned over to peer out the window. “Yep, that’s him. Hey, he’s driving himself. That’s new—”

“Probably couldn’t convince anyone to come with him,” Lucas muttered. He closed the doors that separated the living room from the kitchen. “I’m so over this shit, I’m calling Carly—”

He had just connected with her when Sonny banged on the door. “Carly—”

“Is Michael okay?” Carly asked. “What’s wrong?”

“Sonny’s here. Taggert got a call from Justus—I—” Lucas hesitated. “You know what? Stay put for right now, okay? I don’t want you walking into the middle of this—”

“Carly! Let me in!” Sonny thundered as the banging continued. “Let me in right now! Those are my kids!”

“Lucas—”

“Tell her to stay at the club,” Taggert said. He pulled out his phone. “I’m gonna have a patrol car head over. If he leaves here, I don’t want him going straight there. Tell her it’s under control.”

“Lucas—” Carly said again. “I’m getting my coat—”

“No, Taggert is sending you a patrol car. Sonny sounds—” Lucas blinked at something crashed through the glass window — a rock maybe.

Taggert winced. “Damn it, I’m gonna have to arrest him this time. Stay back—”

Sonny’s hand came through the window, brushing the glass aside, fumbling for the locks. Taggert growled as he stood in the foyer, his handcuffs in his hands. He’d wanted to arrest Sonny Corinthos for years, but this hadn’t been the way he’d planned it with a terrified little boy down the hall and a crazy ass mobster trying to break into his wife’s home—

“You idiot,” Taggert muttered as Sonny shoved the door open. “Sonny Corinthos, you’re under arrest for breaking and entering—”

“Where are my kids?” Sonny demanded, shoving Taggert back, moving past him into the living room where Lucas and Felix were blocking the way.

“I’m pressing charges,” Lucas told Taggert, who had already called for backup. “I can do that. I’m babysitting, and he didn’t have my permission—”

“I got all that, thanks —” Taggert grabbed Sonny’s arm and clapped a handcuff on him. “No, no, don’t help—” he ordered Lucas and Felix when they started forward. “You’ll make it worse—” He grunted as Sonny shifted and struggled.

“I have to keep them safe!” Sonny shouted as he twisted, trying to get away from Taggert. “They’re not safe here!”

“He’s gone crazy,” Lucas murmured, watching his sister’s husband fight Taggert, trying to stop him from snapping the other hand into the cuffs. The usually slick mobster was a mess—his dark curls disheveled, his eyes bloodshot, face red. “Damn it—”

“Stop resisting,” Taggert ordered. “Or I—” He fell back as Sonny managed to free himself and punched him in the jaw with his one free hand. “Goddamn it!”

Behind him, Cruz and Lucky came through the door. Lucky sighed as he came onto the scene, and Sonny barreled right into him, the handcuff dangling from one of his wrists. Lucky pushed him back, and Cruz managed to get the other cuff on him. Sonny twisted and shoved, trying to get away from them.

“Just stop!” Lucky said. “Sonny!”

“What do we do?” Lucas asked. “Taggert—”

Taggert waved them off as he strode forward. “Get him into the car,” he told the officers. “I’ll be there in a second.” He turned back to them. “Make sure Maxie is okay with the kids, and then you two can come down to sign statements. I’m not doing this shit anymore. He’s being booked for breaking and entering, for resisting, and for fucking assault on an officer—” He rubbed his jaw. “Damn it.”

Between the three of them, they dragged Sonny down the steps and into the car, Sonny fighting every step of the way.

Taggert picked up his phone and dialed. When Justus picked up, he said, “You better get down to the PCPD and if you can get in touch with Morgan—”

He heard Justus sigh. “Yeah, okay. I’ll take care of it. Was Carly there—”

“No, and Michael didn’t see anything.”

“Good. Thanks.”

PCPD: Squad Room

Jason strode through the double doors of the department, Justus and Bernie on his heels. How the hell could this day get any worse, he wondered, as he found Taggert by a desk, an ice pack against his jaw.

Sonny had literally broken into the Brownstone while Michael was home, assaulted Taggert of all people—

Near Taggert, Lucas and his boyfriend were talking with Lucky. The boyfriend—Felix—bent down and scribbled something. Jason closed his eyes. A statement. Charges were being pressed.

“This might be for the best,” Justus murmured. “If he’s in lock-up, we get a chance to breathe, Jase—”

“And then we got cops looking at us even harder,” Jason muttered. “We don’t need this.” He didn’t believe for a second that organizations in other cities were helping them by reporting Ric Lansing sightings. More likely, the rumors were going around that Sonny was unstable, and that every mention of his psycho half-brother made things worse.

Someone out there was trying to destroy them by making them focus entirely on Sonny—and Jason didn’t even know where to start with that prospect. And what if some of the sightings were real? Where the hell was Lansing?

“I don’t think we’re getting Sonny out of this,” Justus said. “But—”

“Justus.”

Taggert had noticed them and was striding forward. “Thanks for the heads up,” he told him. “We got Michael out of the room just in time.”

“Thank you,” Jason found himself telling the lieutenant. “He didn’t see anything?”

“No. Carly’s on her way down,” Taggert continued, “but the charges are going to stick. Lucas and Felix are pressing them, even if Carly and Bobbie don’t want to.” He paused. “And we’re adding resisting and assault.”

“I figured.” Justus grimaced. “I guess I need to talk to my client.”

“He’s in the room, waiting.”

Justus shook his head and went past them, heading for the interrogation room. Taggert turned back to Jason. “You’re not going in?”

Jason really wanted to go back to a world where he didn’t have conversations with the PCPD, but at the moment, Taggert had been more of an ally in recent months than Jason’s own business partner. “No. I’m here if Carly needs me, but—” He paused. “Sonny got a warning the last time. He knew what might happen if he did this again.”

“Yeah, I didn’t—” Taggert looked towards the room, through the window with the blinds down. “This definitely wasn’t the way I wanted this to go down,” he muttered. “I tried to get away from all of this.” He shifted the ice pack, wincing. “I don’t want those kids in the middle of this.”

“None of us do.” Jason left Taggert then, walking towards Lucas and Felix. “You guys okay?”

“Yeah, Taggert got nailed this time,” Lucas said. “It’s bad, Jason.” He exchanged a glance with his boyfriend. “He’s completely lost it. He broke a window. And your guys didn’t even stop him.”

“No.” And that burned at his gut like acid. He’d picked men who were supposed to be loyal to him, but it hadn’t worked. “No, they didn’t. We need—we need to do something else. Carly and the kids are supposed—they need to be safe.”

“If they lock him up this time, they will be,” Felix pointed out, echoing Justus’s earlier statement.

Locking Sonny up in a cell with no windows, no control over his own freedom? If Sonny was already teetering on the edge of lucidity, that might shove him over. Could Jason let that happen just so he could give himself a bit of space?

What if Sonny hurt himself to get free—he’d injured himself in those dark moments before and others. How could Jason live with himself if Sonny got hurt? He had to believe there was still a chance for Sonny.

Justus was right. So were Luke and Tommy. Jason needed to make a decision about Sonny and the business—but this wasn’t just business.

This was real life, and it was personal. Sonny was broken inside, and Jason was the only one left who could—or would—help him.

“I know,” Jason said finally, “but lock up is the last retort.”

Lucas narrowed his eyes. “Maybe you need to see what the hell he did to my mother’s home or talk to Michael about how scared he was—”

“I know all of that,” Jason snapped, and the younger man fell silent, his lips forming a stubborn line. “I know,” he repeated, his tone gentler.. “And I’m going to change the security. I’ll fix it. But I know Sonny better than anyone, and lock-up will only make all of this worse. We need to make sure that can’t happen.”

“It can get worse?” Felix asked doubtfully. Jason met his eyes. “I mean, I’m new here, but this is pretty bad.”

“I know,” Jason admitted, hating that he had to do this. That he had to have this conversation with anyone, but it was necessary. He didn’t know Felix DuBois, but the man had stood in front of Michael more than once, and he’d been there for Carly and Elizabeth. “So when I say it can get worse, I need you to believe me.”

“All right,” Lucas said. “You do what you gotta do. But I’m still pressing charges, and if one more thing happens to my nephew—” His expression was pained. “Or my sister,” he muttered, “that’s the last straw. Sonny doesn’t get another chance to terrorize them.”

“He won’t,” Jason said, wishing he felt as confident as his words sounded. He had to make this stop. At any cost.

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

The sun had sunk behind the buildings of the Port Charles skyline while Elizabeth waited in the penthouse. Jason had called to tell her he was handling the Sonny situation and that he didn’t know when he’d be home.

She was relieved—shamefully—that she had a respite from having to tell Jason the truth, and if Jason didn’t come home until after she’d gone to bed, then maybe she’d just…not have to tell him. Monica was supposed to come over the next day, and just maybe her oxygen levels would improve.

Maybe Elizabeth would never have to tell him that she’d lied to him.

Then around five, Elizabeth got a tense voicemail from her best friend.

I went on break and heard what happened with Sonny. This sucks hard, and I know you don’t want to make things worse for Jason. But if God forbid something happened overnight, and he doesn’t know what’s going on, he would never forgive himself. I don’t want to be that person, but someone has to. I love you. I love my brother. I love my nephew. Please tell him. Sonny and his bullshit are not more important than you. I haven’t changed my mind. If you don’t tell him tonight, I will call him in the morning.

Elizabeth had listened to the message three times, trying to find the argument, the loophole that would release her from having to tell Jason one more piece of bad news. He was juggling so many things, and Elizabeth was just trying to protect him from worrying about something else he couldn’t fix—

But Emily wasn’t bluffing, and Elizabeth knew it would be so much worse if he heard it from someone else. Jason didn’t deserve that, and there were so many ways she wasn’t being fair to him.

Emily was right. Jason had been biting his tongue for weeks over all of this, and it was time that it stopped.

Around eight, Cody knocked on the door to let her know that the limo had just pulled into the parking garage downstairs. The limo. Which meant that, against all odds, Jason had managed to get Sonny released.

Elizabeth picked up the phone and called Emily. When her best friend picked up, Elizabeth blinked in surprise. “Oh, I thought I’d get your voicemail.”

“I’m on dinner break. What’s up? Did you—”

“He’s on his way up from the parking garage. Em—Sonny’s with him. I’m just—”

“Yeah, I know. The timing sucks.” Emily paused. “You need to tell him. There will never, ever be a good time. And you will always find a reason not to. I know you’re trying to protect him. Did you like it when he made decisions for you? When he tried to protect you?”

Elizabeth scowled. “I really hate you,” she muttered. She sighed. “No. It was terrible, but—”

“You are not one more thing to him or to anyone. Sonny is his friend, and he’s important, but you are his wife, and that is his child, too. I love you all, but you know I’m right.”

“I know. I just—” Elizabeth closed her eyes. “I hate this. I hate all of this so much, and I just want it to stop. Why can’t we get a break?”

“I don’t know, and I’m sorry. If I thought you were right, I’d be on your side. I just want you to be okay. I feel like shit that I’m doing this, but—”

“But you’re right,” Elizabeth managed. “You’re right, and I know you’re right. I guess—I don’t want to look at him and do this. It’s bad enough I have to live with it, but I can’t stand hurting him, and it’s going to hurt him—”

“Then you’ll hurt together. Until you’re honest that can’t happen. I love you,” Emily repeated. “Let him be there for you, and you can be there for him.”

The door opened then, and Jason strode in, his eyes exhausted, and mouth pinched. Justus came in after him, then Sonny stormed in. His hair was disheveled, his eyes bloodshot, and his skin mottled with splotches of red.

“You’re right,” Elizabeth said. “I love you, and I’ll call you later.”

“Okay.”

“Hey,” Jason said as Elizabeth closed her phone and set it on the table. “I’ll take you to bed, but I still need to deal with some things—”

“You need to get them all out of here!” Sonny ordered. He stabbed a finger at Jason, his finger shaking. “Ric will come for them, too!”

Jason ignored him, looking back at Elizabeth, extending his hand to help her get to her feet. “I’m sorry,” he told her. “But I don’t know when I’ll be back tonight—”

Elizabeth nearly agreed. Nearly let it go, but remembered Emily’s words and their arguments. And the look on Jason’s face more than six months ago when she hadn’t told him about the oxygen tank, and she’d had an attack the first time they’d made love.

He’d watched her struggle for air and die twice. He deserved better from her.

Emily was right. There would never be a good time.

“I lied,” she blurted out in a rush. “About my doctor’s appointment.”

Jason stared at her, his expression blank. His hand, still touching her elbow as he’d helped her to stand, fell to his side. “What do you mean?”

“My glucose test was fine,” she said in a rush, “but my oxygen levels—they’re not normal. Or stable. They dropped two points.”

“They—” Jason just stared at her. “They dropped.”

“What the hell is going on?” Sonny demanded.

“I’m sorry,” Elizabeth began, taking a step towards him, but then Jason did something she didn’t see coming.

Jason stalked towards the door, yanked it open, revealing Cody’s confused and startled face.

Then he left, slamming it behind him so hard that the framed picture from their wedding next to the door fell and shattered.