Rate yourself and rake yourself,
Take all the courage you have left
Wasted on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head
But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn’t I, my dear?
– Little Lion Man, Mumford & Sons

Tuesday, October 8, 2002

Safe House: Living Room

 Jason tossed the cell phone aside and took a deep breath. “There was a shooting at the No Name tonight,” he told Johnny who swore and immediately turned on the television. He tuned it to WKPC, and for a moment, watched the coverage.

The reporter gave no names—no one was in custody. Three men were shot and sent to General Hospital. Johnny scowled, wishing for once the vultures in the media would have been more helpful in giving them some goddamn answers.

“That was Benny on the phone,” Jason said. “He was treated and released. Sonny and Max are still—he doesn’t know their condition. They’re not releasing it.”

“This wasn’t the goddamn plan, was it?” Johnny demanded. He gestured at the television. “Sonny laid up in the hospital, the top security guard out of commission, we’re stuck—” He frowned when he saw Jason had picked up the phone. Not his usual phone, but the burner Johnny had arranged for him.

“Hey.” His voice was a little bit quieter when he spoke. There was a moment of silence. “I—I know. I saw the reports. I don’t know anything. I just—I wanted to warn you. I need to—I’m coming back tonight. I don’t know how it’s going to work out—I’m calling Alexis to pave my way. I just can’t let things—okay.” Jason closed his eyes. “Yeah. You should go to the hospital. I’ll try to meet you there if I’m not arrested—”

He closed the phone, squeezed it in his fist for a minute. “This is ending tonight. Elizabeth is going to the hospital. Bobbie’s there, and it just makes sense. That’s where anyone would expect her to go.”

“Okay. How are we—”

Jason opened the phone again. “I’m calling Alexis. The official story is that I had to go out of town, and I got into a car accident. Get our people on the records. Call Stan, make it look good. I was out of commission. Couldn’t call anyone. I don’t know anything about a damn dead body.”

“No one is going to believe it—”

“It just has to work long enough to keep me out of jail,” Jason told him. “They’ll take me in, but I need something for the official records. I don’t know what Sonny had planned. Talk to Benny, see if anything was already set up.  I’ll go to the hospital first, that’s where Taggert will probably be.”

He dialed his lawyer’s phone number. “Alexis—it’s Jason.”

Gate House: Living Room

Alexis tapped the phone against her mouth and closed her eyes, praying for the patience she was going to need to get through the next few days. She’d made a deliberate choice last month to confide in Ned that she’d been hiding a pregnancy—that she’d become pregnant in April from a disastrous one-night stand with Sonny and had said nothing to the father of her child.

In a few weeks, she would be starting her third trimester, and thanks to the glory of large purses, bulky clothing, and infrequent meetings all summer, she’d been able to hide it.

Ned had stepped up and had immediately volunteered. He liked Jason just fine—but Sonny? Sonny was no kind of father. It wasn’t about the danger—Alexis wasn’t a hypocrite. She’d been born to an evil man, had venom in her blood. Danger followed Cassadines like the tides followed the moon.

She was no innocent. But she wasn’t selfish. She wasn’t cold. She wasn’t deliberately cruel.

And it was nights like this that reminded her that for all of Sonny’s good traits, he was, at heart, not the man with whom she wanted to bring a child into the world.

“Alexis?” Ned got to his feet, his brows furrowed in concern. “You sounded upset—”

“That was Jason.”

“J-Jason who?” When Alexis didn’t answer, his face leeched of color. Ned swore and strode towards her. “Alexis—”

“Morgan. Apparently, he went on a job for Sonny last month, got into a car accident, and was in a coma until earlier today.” Alexis looked at him, her lips pressed together in a grim smile. “Imagine his surprise when he woke up to find himself dead and buried and Sonny in the hospital with gun shot wounds.”

“Are you—” Ned held out a hand, braced the other against the wall of his living room. Closed his eyes. “He’s alive.”

“Yes.”

“Jesus Christ. The family—they mourned him. They buried him—”

“Yes.”

Ned looked at her, his eyes dark with worry, concern, and anger. Not at her. God bless him, he seemed to understand right away that she hadn’t been involved. That she never would have sanctioned this. “And he put my grandparents—he put Alan and Monica—Emily—and—”

“Elizabeth. Michael. AJ. All of them.” Alexis sank into the desk chair, her hands absently rubbing the child she protected within. “Do you think any of them knew?”

Ned hesitated. “I should hope he would have told Elizabeth, but I don’t know. I saw her when he was missing. And she came by after they pulled that body—if she knew, she’s a goddamn good actress.”

“I don’t think Jason did this,” Alexis murmured. “I wondered—I wondered why Sonny never moved to have the estate disposed of in probate. He has the business partnership—it would have been sensible. Jason left money to Elizabeth—guardianship of Michael. So many loose threads in his life—and Sonny waited. I called, and he said he wasn’t up to it.”

Alexis met Ned’s eyes. “I think Jason was shot that night. That he went into hiding, and something went wrong. Something didn’t happen the way it was supposed to. But Sonny did this.”

“It would make sense,” Ned allowed. He perched on the arm of the sofa. “Do you think Jason would tell you?”

“I think,” Alexis said slowly, “that as much as I genuinely like Jason and hope for good things with him—that this is a good time to start transferring work over to my new partner. I’ve been able to keep the baby from Sonny up until now, and I want to keep…avoiding the question. But I think I need to be done with Sonny. And that means walking away from Jason.” She sighed. Looked away. “I’ll give Ric a call. He’ll have to get used to the late nights.”

General Hospital: Emergency Room Entrance

Elizabeth stopped just short of the general entrance to the emergency room and took a deep breath. She looked to Gia, whose worried dark eyes mirrored her own anxiety. “This is your last chance,” she told her roommate. “Because Jason is probably almost here. And no one is going to believe I didn’t know.”

“You didn’t,” Gia insisted. “You worried when he was missing, you grieved when they found that damn body. You didn’t know when it counted. And anyone who thinks knowing for five minutes makes you the bad guy in this is going to get their ass firmly kicked.” She took Elizabeth’s arm and steered her through the doors. “Stop giving me outs. We’re in this together. I knew, too, and I didn’t tell my brother.”

“Okay.”

In the bustle of the room, Elizabeth quickly found the administrative desk and asked after Sonny. When she was informed in a rather clipped voice that there was no information released to anyone but family, Elizabeth scowled. Even as angry as she was with Sonny right now, she was the closest thing the man had to family.

“Elizabeth?”

She turned to find Bobbie embracing her with a hug. “Hey. I saw it on the news, and I just—I had to come and find out.”

Bobbie nodded, drew her away from the desk. “He’s in surgery. It’s…critical. He was wearing a vest, but a bullet went through his femoral artery and they’re trying to repair the damage. Trying to keep up with the blood loss and get ahead of it.”

Elizabeth pressed her fist to her mouth, with a stifled cry. Why…why had Sonny done this? He’d worn a vest to this meeting. He knew that danger was coming. Why—

“It’s so much, so close to losing Jason,” Bobbie murmured. “Monica is in there right now trying to save his life. To stabilize him for surgery.” She rubbed her hand down Elizabeth’s arm, then up to her shoulder. “I’m so sorry, baby.”

Elizabeth’s chest was so tight she could barely force a breath out. “Is he—what about the other injuries? The news said there were other people hurt—”

“Benny, their business manager, was treated and released,” Bobbie said. “One of their guards—Max, I think—he got a bullet to the shoulder.” The redhead shook her head. “I expect Taggert and the rest of the PCPD to descend on us any minute—maybe I should—”

Monica stepped out of the curtain, her green scrubs stained with blood—the fresh red and dried scarlet. Elizabeth stared at the splotches, her vision dimming. “Elizabeth. Have you talked to Courtney—?”

“She’s waiting for our call,” Gia said quietly. “But she’s not close with Sonny. Not like Elizabeth—” Gia tensed when Emily burst through the doors.

“Elizabeth.” Emily joined them with a brisk hug. “Hey. I saw it on the news, and I called the Brownstone—Lucas said you and Gia—”

“How is he, Monica?” Elizabeth cut her friend off. God, this was like a goddamn car crash in slow motion. All of these people who mattered to her—she respected Monica so much, Bobbie was like her mother, and Gia and Emily were her closest friends.

And in minutes, Jason would arrive. And all of this worry would turn into bitterness. Anger. Loathing. She didn’t know how to prepare for that, didn’t know what to do. Why did Monica and Emily have to be here? How could she get away from them?

Wouldn’t they know the minute—

Before Monica answered her question, Taggert swaggered into the room, followed by Andy Capelli. “Monica, tell me we’re going to get lucky and get rid of this bastard once and for all.”

“Marcus, you fucking tool,” Gia hissed as Elizabeth’s face whitened, and Monica’s expression turned into a scowl. No one loathed Sonny more than Monica, but damn it, she was a doctor who took her oath seriously.

“We’ve stabilized Sonny for surgery—”

“You should have let him die,” Capelli said with a smirk. “He’s going to wish he did when we’re through with him. We got a call from the station before we left the scene, Dr. Q. Looks like your kid ain’t dead after all. That bastard in there faked his death.”

Monica stared at him as if the words didn’t quite sink in. “What?”

Elizabeth sucked in a breath. Was this how it would be then? The news reaching them first—before the shock of seeing Jason—

Was any of this the plan?

Bobbie braced Monica with one hand as Emily’s hands fluttered in front of her face. “What did you just say?”

“Morgan’s lawyer called. Apparently, he went out of town on business, got in an accident, and only just woke from a coma.” Taggert scowled. “And this hospital confirmed that body to be his. He sure as shit was shocked to find out he was supposed to be dead.” He turned his burning eyes on Elizabeth. “You got some nerve, Webber.”

“W-what?” Elizabeth asked, her voice trembling. His anger—that deep down incinerating anger at Sonny and Jason—was focused on her now. It hit her like a physical wave. “What—I don’t know—what’s going on right now? Are you—” She shook her head. Looked at Monica. At Emily. Bobbie.

All three of them were staring at her. All with mixtures of worry, disbelief, and anger in their eyes.

No one….no one believed she hadn’t known.

“You better be goddamn sure of what you’re saying, brother of mine,” Gia said with a low growl. “You accusing her of something? In one breath you tell her Jason’s alive, and now…what? You’re saying she was in on it—”

“The only thing I know about Jason Morgan is that he would not to do that to her,” Taggert hissed at his sister. “Sonny? Yeah, that I’d expect. But not Morgan. He doesn’t have that streak of cruelty in him. Of course, she knew.”

And that would damn her, of course. Because Taggert was right. Jason never would have done that to her. He hadn’t done this.

“Tell them you didn’t know, Elizabeth,” Emily said with a pleading in her voice. “You grieved with us. You buried him. Of course, you didn’t know. I don’t understand. How is this happening?”

“I didn’t,” Elizabeth said, but her voice faded. She couldn’t make the words come out, couldn’t figure out how to defend herself. Couldn’t tell any of them the truth with Taggert and Capelli staring at her like that, ready to string her up just for existing.

“You never—you knew,” Monica breathed. “You knew at some point what was going on.” She squared her shoulders. “He was never out of town on business,” she snapped. “You were as worried as the rest of us—”

“Monica,” Bobbie murmured, touching her friend’s arm. “Don’t do this—”

“He’s alive,” Monica snarled, “and he played us all for fools. Just like you. I thought you were better than that.” Her voice broke. “I thought he loved us more than that.”

“No.” Elizabeth shook her head.  “Monica, I swear to God, I didn’t know.” And Gia was right—she hadn’t known when it would have made a difference. She’d believed like all of them that he’d been murdered and dumped in the harbor. And the waves of grief crashed over her again as she tried to convince them. “Monica—Emily—”

“I was so angry at the reception,” Emily murmured. “So angry that Nikolas said those things—”

“I ought to arrest you for obstruction of justice,” Taggert said, jabbing a finger in her face. “You lied to us. You lied to me.”

“Stop it, Marcus—you came and told her he was dead, don’t you remember?” Gia said, shoving her brother back a step. “You told her his body was too decomposed to see. She believed he was dead.” She whirled on Monica and Emily. “And you damn well know her better than that. She killed herself with worry when he was missing. She cried herself—”

“Stop it, Gia,” Elizabeth said, voice almost a murmur. She didn’t need Gia to plead her case. To give them the truth. “Just—it’s not—” Her eyes burned.

She’d known it would be like this. That the people she loved most in the world would look at her like this. Even Bobbie with that mixture of disappointment and anger that Elizabeth’s mother had so carefully perfected over the years.

Looking at her, finding her wanting.

“You can’t even defend yourself,” Capelli said with a smirk. He removed a pair of handcuffs from his belt. “I think we should bring her down, Taggert—”

“If you lay a hand on her, I will have you brought up on charges of harassment so fast your head will spin.”

A smooth, urbane voice broke into the din and Elizabeth turned to find—

Jason.

He was standing next to the man who spoke. His facial expression was its usual mask of emptiness, but his eyes were apologetic. Worried.

And anyone who knew him—knew he was looking at her with an expression of guilt for having put her through this. No one would believe her now.

They would always think she was a liar.

With a cry, Elizabeth turned and fled down the hallway, away from Jason and away from everything.

Capelli hissed and moved after her, but the lawyer stopped him. Gia cast them all a dirty look and followed Elizabeth.

“Don’t even try it, Morgan,” Taggert said as Jason started to follow the cop’s sister. “You’re in enough trouble—”

“You don’t have a leg to stand on,” the lawyer snapped. “You can’t prove anything against my client, and if you try to use Elizabeth Webber to go after him, I will not only file harassment charges but bring you up on civil rights violations and bury your ass in paperwork until your grandchildren can’t dig you out—”

Taggert scowled and turned back to Monica. “Is Corinthos stable enough for questioning?”

“He’s still alive,” Monica said dryly, stepping aside. “Do what you want.”

The detectives disappeared behind the curtain, leaving Jason alone with his mother, sister, and…Bobbie.

“How could you do this?” Emily whispered. “How could you—what made you hate us all so much—how did you manage to convince Elizabeth—”

“She didn’t know the whole time,” Bobbie murmured. “Did she?” She tilted her head. “Did you?”

Jason hesitated. Looked at his lawyer. “I can’t tell you much right now. But no, I didn’t. And Elizabeth didn’t know.” He looked at Monica. “None of this was my idea, Monica. And it wasn’t hers—”

Monica exhaled slowly, closed her eyes. “I can’t do this right now. I have to go find the strength to save Sonny’s life and remember that I took a goddamn oath.”

“I have to go warn the family,” Emily said. She looked at her brother. “I want to be glad it was all a lie, but I can’t think that far ahead right now. You broke me, Jason. And if Elizabeth didn’t know—then shame on you and Sonny for letting this happen. For letting Sonny think he could do this to you.”

She stalked away, and Jason looked at Bobbie. “Bobbie, it would kill Elizabeth if—”

“Of course, she didn’t know right away,” Bobbie murmured. “Sonny never would have trusted her. And he kept you in isolation, away from the truth. She suspected you were shot, that you were laying low. Trusting Sonny to keep her in the loop. She didn’t know. But at some point, she did know.”

“Bobbie—”

“And if you think any of the anger I feel right now is directed towards her, then you don’t know me very well. You let this happen, Jason.” She shook her head. “At some point she knew. And you knew what Sonny had done to all of us. And you didn’t end it. You let her walk around lying to people she loves. You did that to her. We can blame Sonny, but I don’t expect much from him.”

And when she turned those dark, angry eyes on him, he wished like hell he was anywhere else. He hadn’t realized how much he valued Bobbie’s respect for him, her place in his life. “Bobbie—”

“’I expected better from you. I warned you she was delicate. That if you were going to be with her, then you’d have to take care of that fragile part of her that is still trying to figure out how not to be someone who wears a mask. You knew she spent years lying to herself and the world, Jason. And then you made her do it again.”

“Bobbie…” He turned to his lawyer, who had mercifully moved away towards Sonny’s curtain but had clearly overhead most of the conversation. “I never wanted any of this—I’ve talked to her about my reasons—”

“Do you think she could remember any of them tonight? With Frick and Frack threatening to arrest her? Monica and Emily going at her?” Bobbie smirked, a sadness twisted in the expression. “Go after her, Jason, before she has time to convince herself that she was right at the beginning not to take a chance on you. Before Taggert and Capelli figure out how to arrest you.”

General Hospital: Parking Lot

Elizabeth burst out of the hospital doors and into the chilly fall night air. Her knees buckled, and she dropped to them, clutching her arms at her middle.

Oh, God. It had been so much worse than she’d expected, so much more devastating—

To have her mask torn from her, to see the people in her life turn on her. To suspect her. To be so sure she was a liar.

Of course, she was. She’d always been a liar. They knew better than to trust her, to expect better from her.

“Elizabeth…” Gia murmured as she heard her friend behind her. “Hey. C’mon, let’s get out of here.”

“I thought I was ready for it,” she gasped, her chest rising and falling so fast that it burned to breathe. “I th-thought I knew how it would feel to have—but I can’t do it. I can’t do it.”

“Elizabeth…”

“Even if they believe me that I didn’t know at first—they’ll always know I was lying. Emily, Bobbie—they’ll never trust me again, and your brother will hate me for—”

“You don’t worry about Marcus. He’s an asshole who knows better, and he and I are gonna have words about this bullshit tonight.” Gia took Elizabeth’s arm and gently pulled her to her feet, directing her towards a stone column and helping her lean against it. “They’ll come around. They’re just so angry, and shocked, and surprised—it’s a fucking mess. And we would have been better off staying at home.”

“There’s a lot of things I would have been better off doing,” Elizabeth murmured. She closed her eyes, let the coolness of the stone seep into her bones. “Last year, after the wedding, we talked about leaving Port Charles. Why didn’t we do that?”

“You thought you had something to prove.” Gia tilted her head. “Is that what you want to do now? Toss in the towel?”

“Would you think less of me if I just said I wanted to disappear?” Elizabeth replied softly. “I can’t think right now. Every time I try to remember this wasn’t Jason’s idea, I can’t seem to make it matter. I want to be angry for him—to be so angry that Sonny played God with all of us but right now—”

“Because you’re a good person who sees through the bullshit. But, girl, you are allowed to take care of yourself first. Jason’s had it easy up until now. You’ve been bearing the brunt of it. You take care of you first. That’s where you go wrong, Elizabeth.” Gia scowled. “You think everyone else’s damage has to come before your own. Fuck them. And fuck Jason, too. I don’t care why he let this keep going. The point is that he did. And you get to be pissed about it. Stop trying to rationalize and reason it away.”

The doors swung open and Jason emerged. “Elizabeth—”

She looked at him, this man she loved more than anything in the world. Whom she wanted a life with.

And she couldn’t make herself care anymore. Couldn’t make herself want anything except to escape.

“Gia, can you go get the car?” Elizabeth said.

Gia scowled, turned to Jason. “You’re an asshole who deserves to burn in hell.”

Once she was gone, Jason stepped toward Elizabeth, stopped when she held a hand up. “I can’t do this right now. Please don’t—”

“I told them you didn’t know,” Jason said, his words tumbling around in an uncharacteristic rush. “And I’ll tell them it was Sonny’s idea—that I never did this on purpose—”

“But you did.” Tears slid down her cheeks, but she was past the point of noticing. “I know you had your reasons. I know you. I love you. But right now, I don’t care why. I can’t find the energy.”

“Elizabeth, can we just go somewhere—”

“Anger Boy,” Taggert declared as he and Capelli came through the exit doors, followed by Jason’s irritated lawyer. “We’re taking you in for questioning. Falsifying an insurance report.”

Jason scowled and did something he almost never did around the police. He spoke directly to them. “I didn’t do any goddamn thing—”

“Jason,” the lawyer said with an exhausted sigh. “I know you don’t have a reason to trust me, but there’s enough probable cause to bring you in for questioning. Let’s just—get it over with.” His dark eyes flicked past Jason toward Elizabeth. “Give everyone some space.”

Gia’s car pulled up, and she got out of the car long enough to give her brother the finger. “You’re an asshole, Marcus,” she called. “I hope you rot in hell.”

“You fake your death,” Taggert grumbled at Jason almost in commiseration, “and somehow, my sister thinks I’m the bad guy.”

“Elizabeth,” Jason said, looking back at her, but she was already moving toward the car. “Wait—”

Elizabeth stopped just before climbing into the passenger seat. “I’m going to go to AJ and Courtney’s,” she told him. “I want to check in with her.”

“Yeah, hopefully she’s still talking to you,” Gia said with another dirty look toward Jason.

Elizabeth tossed her an exasperated look as if to say, enough is enough. She turned back to Jason.  “I think you’re going to have your hands too full to worry about me anyway. Wouldn’t be the first time.”

She got into the car, and Gia drove away.

“So that last dig—” she said after a long moment. “Was that for my brother’s benefit?”

“Not entirely.” Elizabeth let her forehead rest against the window. “Let’s go to Courtney’s. If she’s gonna yell at me too, I’d rather get it over with tonight.”

“She won’t. I only said that to get at Jason.” Gia paused. “If my brother hadn’t showed up—”

“He wanted to go somewhere and talk.”

“Would you have gone?”

“No.” Elizabeth sighed. “No. I can’t—I don’t know what I would say to him. I’m so angry, Gia. So hurt. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be feeling. How I’m supposed—”

“Stop worrying about what you’re supposed to do, Liz. And just do what feels right. You want him to give you space while things settle? Then do that. You want him to get away from you because you won’t be able to look at him again? Then do that. But stop worrying about what you’re supposed to do.”

+3

Don’t think that I can take another empty moment
Don’t think that I can fake another hollow smile
It’s not enough just to be lonely
Don’t think that I could take another talk about it
– Bed of Lies, Matchbox Twenty

 Thursday, October 3, 2002

 Kelly’s: Courtyard

 Bobbie had told her this morning it was too early to come back to work, and even Gia who knew the truth thought she should take a few more days.

She’d already taken a week. Waited for the lie to end. Waited for Jason to come back from the dead. To release her from the hell she was living in.

Sonny had finally come to see her a few days earlier to admit that Jason now knew the truth, that he was livid, and that Sonny had only a few more days for this plan to work. He’d apologized. She’d let him. And then she had sent him away.

It didn’t change anything now that Jason knew the truth. She could see now that she had expected something to change once he knew. That…God, maybe he would have been so appalled, so heartbroken by the betrayal, he would have called her. That he would have ended it.

But the plan came first. The business came first. Jason was letting the lie stand for just a little longer, Sonny told her, his dark eyes full of worry.

Not regret. She knew even now that Sonny might be sorry that everyone was so upset, that it had gone so far—but he still believed he’d been right.

And part of Jason…God, Jason must agree with Sonny, right? Because why else was it still happening? And how the hell was she supposed to deal with that?

And since these were the thoughts swirling in her head sitting alone in her apartment pretending to study, sitting like a zombie through her classes, Elizabeth had thought taking just the lunch shift would give her something else to think about.

And it had. She’d lost herself in the mundanity of taking orders, grabbing food, filling drinks, busing tables—back to the real world and life she’d built before Jason had come back.

Until the rush had cleared, and she had stepped out into the courtyard to find Carly sitting at the table, perusing a menu.

Like nothing had ever happened.

She knew that AJ had worked out some sort of deal with Carly—Courtney had sheepishly admitted it to her, trying to warn her. Elizabeth had merely nodded—it made sense. AJ was trying to move forward, trying to do right by his son.

She hadn’t really let herself think about what it meant.

Carly now had her life back. She’d heard rumors that Jax had released her share of the club, and she was returning to management. She would now at least have visitation with Michael.

And she had probably already put another deposit down on a fast car with a bright, shiny paint job.

Back to normal.

Waiting for the next disaster. Waiting for Carly to be Carly and destroy them all again.

Elizabeth wasn’t sure how long she stood there before Carly lifted her eyes, saw her. The blonde cleared her throat, put the menu aside. “Elizabeth. I, ah, I didn’t know you were back at work.”

“It’s my first day since…” Elizabeth closed her eyes. The words froze in her throat. “What can I get you—”

“Oh. I’m not ready to order yet.” She waited. “I’m waiting for AJ to bring Michael. We’re having lunch.”

Elizabeth pressed her lips together, fought back the bitter bile and venom that suddenly crawled up the back of her throat. “Must be nice.” And before she could stop the words— “It’s a shame Jason can’t be here to see it.”

Carly flinched but shook her head. “Don’t. Let’s not do this, okay? Listen, I know you’re dealing with a lot. We all miss Jason—”

And all of the ugliness she’d kept inside for weeks exploded out of her.

“Shut up.” Elizabeth slapped the notepad down on the table. “Don’t speak his name. You don’t get to pretend this isn’t your fault.”

Carly shot to her feet. “How dare you—”

“Do you really think I don’t know exactly why Jason was at that warehouse?” Elizabeth shot back. At that, Carly’s face lost some of her pallor and she stumbled back a step. “Yeah, I’m not an idiot, Carly. Even if I hadn’t figured it out for myself, Sonny told me.”

“He—he wouldn’t—” Carly said faintly. “It’s business—”

“It’s Jason. And he’s gone because of you!”

Why wasn’t Carly ever made to suffer? Jason was putting everyone he loved through hell—there was no way Emily and Lila wouldn’t be heartbroken by this deceit, that Bobbie wouldn’t be devastated. Even if Jason hadn’t started it—he was allowing it to continue.

And Carly got to go back to her fucking life like she hadn’t destroyed everything?

Not this time.

This time, Elizabeth wanted Carly to be the one bleeding and broken in the snow.

“That’s not—” Carly swallowed. “It’s complicated—”

“You’ve been destroying Jason’s life over and over again for years,” Elizabeth hissed. “And you always come out stronger. You got a rich husband twice after you destroyed him. Who’s on deck this time, Carly? AJ looking good again with his trust fund? Or is someone else the target?”

“You have no right to talk to me like this—”

“I have every right! Jason was supposed to be the man I spent the rest of my life with!” Her voice broke even as the anger poured out. “He was supposed to be here. Building a life with me. But you destroyed that. You destroyed him—”

“If Sonny told you what happened that night, then you know what I went through!” Carly snapped back. “You don’t think that was bad? That I didn’t suffer—”

“I would have had a hell of a lot more sympathy for you if you hadn’t rolled back into town like you were the only one wronged. Maybe you got to be pissed initially, but you should have known Jason better than that. You wanted to prove to the world that Jason would always pick you.” The tears were hot as they slid down her cheeks. “Well, congratulations. He picked you. And now look where we are.”

“I know that!” Carly growled. “Why do you think I tried to make peace with AJ? It’s what Jason would have wanted—”

“What Jason wanted was for you to put Michael first. He shouldn’t have had to get shot to make that happen. You are a selfish, hypocritical—”

“Elizabeth.”

AJ’s quiet voice had Elizabeth spinning on her heel to find Michael standing with his father. The little boy’s face was scrunched up as he took in his mother and one of his favorite people.

“Why you crying, Mommy? ‘Lizabeth?” Michael asked with worry. “What’s wrong?”

Elizabeth just shook her head. “I’m fine, Michael. I’m just—I’m sad. It’s fine.” She cleared her throat. “I’ll get someone to take care of you—”

She went into the diner and passed her section to Penny, who saw the tears and said nothing. Elizabeth went out to the alley and slid down until she was sitting on the cold concrete.

How was she supposed to do this?

The door opened next to her, and AJ stepped out. She didn’t look at him, even as he sat in front of her, crossing his legs.

“You have every right to feel like Courtney and I have betrayed you. Betrayed Jason,” he said with a sigh. “Because I feel it, too. She told me it was her fault somehow, and I didn’t want the details. I was afraid what I would do with that knowledge. I had to put Michael first—”

“It’s not that.” Elizabeth shook her head. “Michael missed his mother. Of course, you had to figure out something with Carly. It’s just…” She let her head fall back against the brick. “I loved him.”

“I know—”

“No, I mean—” She closed her eyes. “When Lucky was in that fire, I couldn’t see my future without him. I just thought it was going to be this long, empty life. That I had died with him. I was young, and I just couldn’t imagine loving someone else.”

“And you can now?” AJ said with confusion. “Elizabeth—”

“Because that’s how it works. You grieve. And you grieve. And then one day, you wake up, and you’ve grieved a little less. And your heart starts to wake up. To want that love again. And you fall in love again. I know that it’s probably in my future. I want a family. I want children. I just—” She shook her head. “I want that with Jason—wanted that.”

“Jason would want that for you,” AJ told her. “He loved you so much, Elizabeth. I could see it in him—half the reason he settled Michael’s custody with me was because he didn’t want you to be unhappy. And I didn’t want Courtney to be unhappy. So, we found something that worked, and I’m glad my brother had that in his life. But he would want you to love again.”

“I know that.” Elizabeth weighed her next words carefully. “I know that Jason loved me. I know that like I know my own name. But he’s gone because of Carly.”

AJ hesitated, then grimaced. “I guess this is related to something Sonny told you about what happened. I don’t know—”

“You shouldn’t feel guilty about putting Michael first.  I just—I think I have to figure out how to deal with Carly. Because I see her, and I see all the things I don’t have. All the things Jason doesn’t have. And I can’t stop.”

AJ rose to his feet and held out a hand to Elizabeth. She let him pull her up. “We’ll go somewhere else for lunch, and I won’t use Kelly’s as a meeting place. I get it, Liz. And I’ll do what I can to make this easier for you.”

“Don’t—” Elizabeth took a deep breath.  “Don’t do that. Avoiding it isn’t going to change anything. I just have to figure out how to breathe. I’m still working on that.”

Brownstone: Front Steps

Somehow, she went back to her shift and finished it in Penny’s section. She got through the day, worked on the books for Kelly’s—

And when it came time to close, Penny had told her to go ahead. That she and Don would close up—that Elizabeth had worked hard but needed a break.

She’d agreed because the sympathy in her eyes wasn’t different from everyone else’s. Poor Elizabeth. Mourning another dead boyfriend. Broken hearted again.

Always left.

Always alone.

Gia wasn’t home—she’d stopped by the diner during the dinner rush to let her know her mother had asked Gia to come down to Buffalo for a few days, so Elizabeth had the place to herself for the first time since…

Since everything.

When she got home, there was a package waiting on the front step, her name scrawled across the front in messy black marker. A thick manila envelope with no address, no return, no postage—just her name.

She picked it up—it was relatively lightweight. She fought the urge to open it out front—anyone could be watching her, she knew that. Knew that somewhere, Sonny’s men lurked. She’d turned down a personal escort but had agreed to someone following her.

She tucked it under her arm and reached for the front door.

Upstairs, she dropped everything else on the ground and ripped the package open. A small, black flip phone dropped in her hand. Attached to it was a fluorescent yellow Post-it note.

Midnight.

Elizabeth wrinkled her nose, looked at her watch, and sighed. Forty-five minutes to kill.

She busied herself with things she’d been putting off—putting away laundry Gia had brought home from the laundromat and left folded neatly in her room. She cleaned off the dining table where she and Gia always dumped their textbooks.

She had only a handful of classes this semester and was barely managing to get through them, but it filled her days and thoughts.

And still, even when all the little things were done—there was still ten minutes to wait. Elizabeth made sure her front door was locked, and then went into her room.

The bedroom was next to the living room and overlooked Elm Street. From her window, she could see the harbor and the warehouse district—where the Corinthos Morgan warehouse was still undergoing repairs from the explosion earlier that year.

It felt like a memory from another life when she and Jason had sat in this apartment talking about the secrets and danger that came with his profession. She’d scoffed then at worrying about Jason keeping secrets. She’d never thought it would come to this—

After all, hadn’t Jason and Sonny had front row seats to the last time Elizabeth had grieved for a man not actually dead?

The phone in her hand finally rang, and Elizabeth hesitantly flipped it open and brought it to her ear. “Hello?”

“Elizabeth.”

Oh, God. She pressed a fist to her mouth, tears sliding down her cheeks. She hadn’t realized until this moment that a piece of her—

That somehow, she’d worried she’d hallucinated. That Jason was really dead, and this was all some kind of insane break from reality.

But there it was, his voice. Saying her name the way only Jason did.

“Elizabeth?” he repeated, his voice a bit sharper.

“I’m here,” she said quickly. “I’m sorry—I just—” She sucked in a deep breath. “Is this safe? Sonny said you couldn’t—”

“Sonny doesn’t know,” Jason said, interrupting her. “I just—” There was a long pause. “I am so sorry—”

“You’re sorry—” Elizabeth choked. “I—I should have told you. I wanted to—”

“Elizabeth—”

“I just…” She leaned back against her headboard, drew her knees under her chin. “There was so much going on in my head, and Sonny was worried—”

“He was worried I’d blow the plan up if I knew what he’d done.” The words held heat, irritation. Annoyance. “I wanted to. I still do. I just—”

“I know you can’t tell me,” Elizabeth said dully. “It’s business—”

“It’s not that. I just—I hate this. I hate that you’re doing this. Going through it. Dealing with the lie. I hate that Sonny did this.” He was quiet for a moment. “I wanted to stop it,” he repeated. “But there are people involved that—they’re dangerous, Elizabeth. I’m afraid of what might happen if we don’t see it through. If we don’t give Sonny a chance to figure it out.”

Okay. She could understand that. They’d come this far. It would be an insane waste if nothing came of it. “How long?” she murmured. “How long do I have to keep pretending?”

“Tuesday,” Jason said. “Which is still too long, I know. Things are happening on Monday—they should be done by Tuesday. I—” He waited. “I need you to stay in on Tuesday. Can you do that? People are going to be in town. I don’t want them near you.”

She exhaled slowly. “If it will make it easier for you, then yeah. I’ll stay out of sight those few days. Will you be able to tell me more when this is over?”

“When this is over, I’ll tell you anything you want to know,” he promised. Another moment passed. “I love you, Elizabeth.”

She closed her eyes. “I love you, too.”

Monday, October 7, 2002

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

Sonny scrubbed his hands over his face and waited as Benny finished his phone call. It was nearly midnight. It was almost Tuesday.

And Sonny just…he needed to know that his sources had come through.

He needed to know that one goddamn thing would go right. That the people who were coming to the city today had arrived—that Nico’s men had moved positions.

That anything was going the way it supposed to.

Sonny just needed a sign that he hadn’t destroyed his partner, his best friend, his brother’s life for nothing.

Benny nodded, then placed the receiver back on the hook. He turned to Sonny, his expression grave. “Roscoe met with Nico at the pier tonight. And then Lenny picked the Miami arrivals up at the airport. We’re following them now, Boss. Something is going to break. The minute they make a move—”

“We need to give them a target.” Sonny picked up his half-empty tumbler and tossed the rest of the contents down his throat, the liquid scalding. “I need to give them a reason.”

“Sonny—”

“We got vests. We got things to protect me.” Sonny grimaced. “Call a meeting of the Families. We’ll hold it at the restaurant—”

“With less than twenty-four hours’ notice, Sonny?” Benny shook his head. “They’ll never go for it—”

“If Ruiz is in on it, he’ll jump at the chance to have me in the open. And once Ruiz agrees, everyone else will be too scared to turn him down.” He shrugged. “We’ll call Nico about the meeting. Invite him to talk about Las Vegas.”

Benny waited a moment. “Don’t put yourself in danger to prove something to anyone, Sonny. No one’s looking for any martyrs.”

“I promised Jason this would be over tomorrow. I promised Elizabeth.” Sonny looked at his adviser, his smile grim. “Don’t you think I’ve lied enough?”

Tuesday, October 8, 2002

Elizabeth & Gia’s Apartment: Living Room

The days passed slowly between the phone call on Thursday night and Tuesday. Jason didn’t call again, though Elizabeth kept the phone with her at all times. Today, it sat under the lamp next to her on the couch as she stood by the door with Bobbie, trying like hell to get rid of the kind-hearted nurse whose compassion was just too much.

She took the dish of lasagna from Bobbie with a tired smile. “You didn’t have to—”

“I wanted to make sure you were eating.” Bobbie touched her cheek. “You look tired. Thinner.” She sighed. “I’m glad you didn’t…let this hold you back from your studies, but don’t let them drown you either.”

“I’m just…using them as a distraction.” Elizabeth handed the dish to Gia who took it into the kitchen to preheat the oven. “Gia and I have really been killing ourselves with this semester. I want to graduate and get on with my life.” She hesitated. “Bobbie, about Kelly’s—”

Her landlord smiled and nodded. “It’s not your place. I never thought it would be.”

“I just—I needed it. You gave me a lifeline this year, Bobbie. And I don’t think I’ve told you what that meant to me. What it still means to me.”

“Oh, Elizabeth—”

“Same goes for me, Bobbie.” Gia stepped up to Elizabeth. “You didn’t much like me, but you gave us both a fresh start. I know we’re not paying market rate for the rent, but you gave us a place to start over.”

“The minute you stood up for Elizabeth, I changed my mind about you,” Bobbie said. “And I’ve never regretted it.” She sighed. “I just wish the world would leave you alone.”  She looked at her watch. “I have to go in for the overnight shift. You girls staying in?”

“Taking the night off before midterms start next week,” Gia told her. “We’re gonna drink wine, eat lots of lasagna, and watch bad television. Distraction is the word of the day.”

“Trying anyway.” Elizabeth hugged Bobbie once more before she left.

When the door closed behind her, Elizabeth collapsed on the sofa and put her head in her hands. “I’m so scared, Gia.”

“Yeah. I get that.” Gia put the lasagna in the oven and came out to the living room, a bottle of wine and two glasses in her hands. “But this is Operation Distraction. So, let’s think about something else. What’s on the schedule tonight?”

“Oh.” Elizabeth reached for the TV Guide. “Well, we can watch the bad sitcoms on ABC. Or the bad sitcoms on FOX.”

“Choices, choices.”

“Oh, wait—Buffy’s on tonight. I haven’t been able to watch it this year, and it’s supposed to be the last season—” Elizabeth sighed, because just for a moment—she’d forgotten everything else. “You want to?”

“Sure. I figure it’ll cheer us up.” Gia sat down and poured the wine. “After all, your boyfriend isn’t trapped in a hell dimension.”

“No. But he might as well be for all the good it does me.” She pressed the button on the remote to change the channel and tried to put it away. “Gia—”

“You’re thinking about breaking it off with him when he comes back from the dead, aren’t you?” her friend said with a sigh. “I’m not an idiot. I can read between the lines.”

“I’m just…this isn’t the life I wanted.” Elizabeth bit her lip. “And this won’t be the last time I have to lie. You know that—” She paused. “I don’t know. I’m tired. And I’m doing something I hate because it’s what Jason needs. Is that love? He and Sonny…they made me go back.”

“I know, but it wasn’t Jason’s idea—”

“No. But he’s letting it happen. I know he said he had his reasons, and I believe that. But—” she sighed. “How is this different than Lucky? Because I’m in love with Jason? What about me? Don’t I matter?”

“You do—”

“I’ve lied for Jason before. This shouldn’t be different. But—” She sighed. “It just is. I can’t make it come out right in my head. I love him so much. Thinking he was actually dead…you’d think I’d be happier it was a lie—”

“Why?” Gia asked with an arched brow. “Death, at least you can understand that. You know the life Jason leads. The odds that he’ll die in his sleep from natural causes are minimal at best. You know this. Losing him sucked. And you were gonna grieve. But you would have got past it. One day.”

Elizabeth closed her eyes. “Gia—”

“But he’s not dead. And not only is he not dead, he got shot because of Carly. A woman you literally think is the worst human on the planet. A woman who, apparently, has made it her mission in life to destroy anything Jason gives a damn about. And then his best friend, who damn well should have known better, lied to you. And put you through hell.”

“I don’t need a history lesson—”

“The problem with you, Liz, is that you always think you’re supposed to have the answers. Sometimes there just aren’t any.” Gia flipped her hair over her shoulder and turned her attention to the episode.

Elizabeth sighed and watched as Willow walked out of the gate of an airport and couldn’t find her friends. “Wasn’t she evil at the end of last season?”

“You missed the finale. Xander saved the world,” Gia said as she lifted her wine to her lips. “He reminded her that he’s had her back since kindergarten, and that he’d love her even if she destroyed everything.”

Elizabeth eyed Gia skeptically. “Is that supposed to mean something?”

Gia hesitated. “You’re mad because he destroyed your world. Yeah, Sonny started it and did the actual lying, but Jason is the one who is letting it continue, and he did it because Sonny convinced him. And you’re thinking you should cut ties now before something like this happens again. You’re just…he’s not done destroying the world yet, Liz. Let them do what they’re going to do tonight, let him come home. Let the chips fall. Give him a chance to make it right.”

“Yeah. Yeah, okay. I just…I wish I knew what they were doing. Maybe it would be easier. But I guess that’s just something else I don’t get to know.”

No Name Restaurant: Front Entrance

It was just after eight when the limo pulled up in front of the entrance to the No Name which had served as the neutral meeting place for those in the East Coast syndicate for the last fifteen years. It was in Sonny’s territory mostly because the syndicate worked out of New England, the Canadian border in Port Charles was the most lucrative, and Miami hadn’t really complained.

This would be one of the first times that the Families would meet after some power plays over the last five years, with Sammy Tagliatti taking power in Philadelphia, Daniel Vega consolidating the greater part of Boston, and Anthony Zacchara expanding into Manhattan after the fall of the Gambinos.

And Hector Ruiz would be making one of his rare visits north with one of his sons. Sonny hadn’t learned which one, but somehow, he doubted it was the priest.

He stepped out of the limo and buttoned his overcoat. Behind him, Benny and Max also climbed out. Max closed the door and tapped the top of it to let the chauffeur know he could take the car to the parking lot.

Sonny gestured for Benny and Max to go ahead of him a few steps, to secure the entrance and check on the party inside. He turned back to scan the road before going into the restaurant—

He saw the car driving slowly—the window beginning to slide down. He ducked away, moving fast towards the valet booth that had been left empty for the evening, but before he could make it to safety, the night exploded with gunfire.

Pop! Pop! Pop!

Sonny gritted as lead dug into his shoulder, the metal burning its way through skin. Another in his leg.

But the gunfire didn’t stop—bullets kept slamming into the brick façade of the No Name—

And then everything went black.

+3

Our memories
Well, they can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry
– Don’t Speak, No Doubt

Monday, September 30, 2002

General Hospital: Nurse’s Station

Bobbie’s stomach clenched as she watched her daughter step off the elevator. Carly met her eyes and then walked toward her.

She could count on one hand how many times she had been in the same room with her daughter since the horrible night in August when Carly had shown up on the steps of the Brownstone with blood in her eye and anger in her heart.

All of that energy, as destructive as it seemed, had drained from Carly in the weeks since Jason had gone missing, since his body had been found. Carly had avoided everyone as far as Bobbie could see, and Bobbie was ashamed to admit she was relieved.

There was some truth to Carly’s accusations—that Bobbie had considered Jason family, that Elizabeth held a special place in her heart as an honorary daughter. Carly could never understand that loving others didn’t take away from Bobbie’s love for her daughter.

Bobbie could understand that—hadn’t she lived that truth? Hadn’t she always tried to be competitive? Schemed, lied, cheated to get what she thought was hers?

It grieved her to see her daughter making the same mistakes Bobbie had made, that she was unable to stop her.

“Mama.” Carly wrapped her hand tightly around the strap of her purse. “I was hoping maybe we could talk. Just for a second. I know—I know how busy you are.” She flicked her eyes at one of Bobbie’s floor nurses. “Maybe someone could cover for you?”

Against her better judgment, Bobbie turned to the woman next to her trying really hard not to eavesdrop. “Epiphany—”

“Not a problem, Bobbie. You go and take care of your business.”

Bobbie gestured for Carly to move over to the waiting area. “I haven’t seen you in a few weeks, other than at the memorial.”

“Well, I’ve been trying to get myself together. I had to hire a lawyer to fix my estate. I’ve been trying to talk Jax into giving me control of the club again—” Carly rubbed her temple. “When I go to court for Michael, I need to convince the judge I’ve got my act together—”

“Mmm-hmm…” Bobbie tilted her head. “The judge is going to ask where you’ve been. Do you plan to tell him what you told me?”

“That an enemy of my ex-husband kidnapped me?” Carly said dryly. “That wouldn’t convince anyone Michael was safe with me.” She sighed, set her purse in her lap. “The truth is, Mama, I’m not sure a judge is going to give me custody. I found out that…shortly before he—” Her lip trembled. “I guess Elizabeth or Sonny finally signed the papers or did something because Alexis told me Jason signed a new will just before—” She was quiet for a moment. “He left some money to Michael, but most of it went to her. And guardianship—he gave my son to AJ. Which is all AJ needed. He has his parental rights, he’ll have guardianship—”

“Jason did that this summer before you came back,” Bobbie said. “It was not a punishment to you. He knew if anything happened to him, the Quartermaines might go after Michael. He signed a will in May that gave guardianship to Elizabeth, and then changed it to AJ after the custody agreement was signed.” She braced herself, but Carly didn’t explode.

“Elizabeth told me what happened—how AJ—” Carly closed her eyes. “I thought signing away his rights was the end of it. I always figured if something happened to me, then Michael should go to Jason. That it would be my way of making it right.”

“Jason was never going to win in court, and it weighed on him for some time. Did Elizabeth tell you that? That it was weeks before Jason could admit that to himself. If he hadn’t negotiated with AJ—”

“Then Jason wouldn’t be able to do anything if AJ started to drink again.” Carly nodded. “Yeah, Elizabeth told me that much. And I’ve been thinking about it. AJ didn’t have to sign an agreement either. I—I asked my lawyer to get me a copy of it. Jason…still had total control over visitation.”

“AJ knew Jason was scared, and he wanted Jason to be at peace with it. Dragging Michael in court—he would have won, but everyone would have lost. No, AJ didn’t have to agree. But he did. They both put Michael first, Carly.”

“Jason was always better at doing that than I was,” Carly murmured. “Do you think AJ has it in him to be the same? I need my son, Mama. And I think…. I think the only way I’m gonna get him is if AJ lets me.”

“That’s probably true. You’re going to have to ask him and find out.”

Carly exhaled slowly. “And hope he’s a better person than I am. Because I was never going to give him a chance to be Michael’s father. He knows that. If it were me—”

“But it’s not.”

“You know…” Carly said, a tear sliding down her cheek. “You know, it’s not like I wake up in the morning planning to be a horrible a person. I just…I get scared sometimes. And I just—I react before I can think. Jason knew that about me.  He loved me anyway.”

Still making excuses, Bobbie thought as Carly got to her feet, but at least her daughter was finally being realistic about her future.

She just wished that Jason hadn’t had to die to make it happen.

Safe House: Living Room

Jason scowled over some paperwork, his face pinched in pain. Unsurprisingly, the enforcer had refused any pain medication, and Johnny didn’t blame him.

First, Jason had been drugged out of his mind for a week, then he’d woken up to find his world ripped into pieces, and as if Sonny wasn’t satisfied with that, the remnants of that world had been stomped into the ground, crushed into ashes.

Sure, Jason was alive. And sure, his girlfriend knew it. But no one else did. Johnny didn’t know Elizabeth Webber all that well, but he knew enough about women to figure that no woman relished being tortured for weeks with a missing boyfriend, only to bury a false body—

Yeah, knowing the truth wouldn’t have solved that problem. Only created new ones.

“You want some Tylenol?” Johnny said after another wince had Johnny clutching his own healing shoulder. They were both chafing at being restricted to the property and the week Sonny had asked them to commit to had just turned into two weeks that morning with a phone call.

People were moving around, Sonny had told them. Flights had been purchased for Monday. Could he just have until Tuesday? Tuesday it would all be over.

Jason had agreed but had remained silent since. He hadn’t asked to speak to Elizabeth, hadn’t asked for any of the details. Tuesday would be the final deadline.

And even if Jason didn’t agree, well, Johnny was just going to go back and take out a full-page announcement. This plan had been doomed from the start, but then again, anything involving the boss’s ex-wife was usually a disaster. Came with the territory.

“No, I’m good.”

They returned to their silence, but Johnny grew bored with the Yankees game and finally switched off the television. He tapped his fingers on the armchair.

“You got somethin’ to say, Johnny?” Jason asked after a few minutes.

“No.” Johnny scowled. “Yes.” He shoved himself to his feet, gritting his teeth as his shoulder sang out in pain. “Why did you agree to Tuesday? Why are we going to be stuck in this damn house for another week while the rest of Port Charles thinks you’re dead?”

Jason stared down at the paperwork in front him. Said nothing. His face was set in that empty expression Johnny had always hated and envied at the same time. How the hell did a man just shut down like that? Wipe everything from the surface?

“You don’t have to explain anything to me, all right? You don’t care that Sonny is destroying your life, that’s on you. But you didn’t even bother to check with me to make sure I didn’t mind being stuck here. I work for you, Morgan. You and Sonny don’t own my ass.”

Jason hesitated, sat back in his chair, then looked at Johnny. After a long exhale, Jason nodded. “Yeah. Yeah. I didn’t ask. I should have. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, well…” Johnny shrugged, uncomfortable now. “Tuesday’s it. This plan—if it even counts as a plan—it isn’t working, and I’m not doing jackshit here locked up with you. Someone’s coming at us, Jase, and we’re out of the loop. Why doesn’t that piss you off?”

“You think it doesn’t?” Jason demanded, but his voice remained empty. Cold. “You think because I didn’t pull the plug that I’m okay with this—”

“You think your girl doesn’t think that?” Johnny retorted. “Have you even talked to Elizabeth since she left? She walked in this house, and she didn’t know you were alive. That’s what Sonny did to her. She came from your fucking funeral, and he used her guilt, her worry about you to keep you in the dark. Every day you’re here. Every day you don’t talk to her about this—”

“Don’t talk to me about Elizabeth.” Jason rose to his feet, the blue in his eyes hard as flint. “You don’t know what you’re talking about—”

“I was in this room when he told her the truth. When she went to see you, I saw her. I talked to her. Don’t tell me I don’t know. Sonny did that to her. And you’re letting him get away with it—”

Jason exhaled. Closed his eyes. “I’m not. And if anyone but the goddamn Ruiz family was involved, this would already be over, but—” He looked away. “Sonny said some guys were waiting to grab Elizabeth at her studio. To bring me out of hiding, they went after her—”

“And Sonny got them—”

“If they had been connected to Javier or Manny…if they took her…” Jason swallowed. “We’ve heard the stories, Johnny. We know what they to do to women. The next time, it might be Manny.”

“Okay, but—”

“The flights from Miami Sonny told me about? It’s Hector’s men coming up on Monday. The Ruizes aren’t predictable. They don’t follow the rules. They make Zacchara look right in the head.”

“I know—”

“I don’t know what’s going to happen with Elizabeth when this is over.” Jason swallowed hard, his eyes cast aside. An uncharacteristic show of weakness. “I can’t think about that. She can be pissed at me. She can walk away from me. But I need her alive to do that.”

“Okay,” Johnny repeated. He waited a moment. “You don’t have to justify it to me, Jase. That’s not what I’m trying to say—”

“Sonny crossed a line with this. With all of this.” Jason hesitated. “But I’m not thinking about that yet. I can’t.”

Johnny nodded. “Look, it’s not like you’d ever ask me for advice, but…. you need to talk to Elizabeth.”

“Johnny—”

“I can get some burner cells, and if you give me a few days, I can make it untraceable. But you haven’t spoken to her since you found out, and while I want to believe Sonny is keeping her in the loop—”

“Yeah.” Jason met his eyes. “Yeah. Get me a phone.”

Wednesday, October 2, 2002

Kelly’s: Courtyard

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Courtney folded her arms and had pitched her voice a bit lower so that Michael would remain at the counter, carefully finishing his math homework. “Michael,” she said, a bit louder, “make sure you count the apples before you write the number.”

“No, I’m not sure,” AJ said, rubbing the back of his neck. “But with Jason gone, everything is different.” He paused.  “I knew he’d updated his will, I just…I don’t want to push Elizabeth into going to probate court about his estate. I know Alexis has told Carly about the guardianship. I can’t sit back and wait.”

“I just…” Courtney dipped her head. “I can’t stop myself from blaming her. Everything was fine until she came back. We were all happy. You and Jason were going to be brothers. I could see it happening, even if it was just so Liz and I could hang out, you know? And she came in like a one woman wrecking crew, and…now Jason’s dead. My best friend is miserable. And Carly gets her kid back? I mean, come on—”

“If I don’t do something to make the court see I’m trying to do right by Michael, then I look like the petty asshole. She’s going to go after me legally. I didn’t want to drag Michael into court last spring, Courtney. I really don’t want to do it now—”

“I get it,” she said flatly. “I just don’t have to like it.” She nodded to the doorway, where a hesitant Carly was hovering outside the door. “She’s here. Go see what deal you can make.”

AJ ruffled Michael’s hair and then reached out to squeeze Courtney’s hand. “I love you, you know. I wish like hell I could make this different.”

“You can’t, so I guess we just have to figure out how to live with what we’ve got.”

He sighed, and then joined his ex-wife in the courtyard, making sure that Courtney had distracted Michael at the counter.

“AJ.” Carly looked tired—and somehow worse than the last time he’d seen her at Jason’s memorial service. Her eyes were still swollen, her face pale. She wore no makeup and dressed in a simple sweater and jeans with a pair of black boots.

“Thanks for meeting me.” AJ gestured for her to sit, and when she did, he sat across from her. “By now…Alexis has told you about Jason’s will.”

“She has.” Carly pressed her lips together. “But it’s not in effect yet, she said. Sonny and Elizabeth haven’t gone to probate court yet.” She looked away, folding her arms. “I don’t know what they’re waiting for. It’s not like it’ll bring him back—” Her voice broke. “Are you going to tell me I’ll never get my son back? Do to me what I did to you?”

AJ waited a moment. “I thought about it. We both know I could probably win permanent custody if it came to that. Or that we could spend the rest of our lives dragging each other and Michael into court. I don’t want that, Carly. Jason wouldn’t want that.”

“Oh, you speak for Jason now?” Her brown eyes lit now with fury. “You know him so goddamn well? He was my best friend and I—”

“Jason and I talked a lot about Michael when you were gone,” AJ said gently. “About our dreams for him. How much he meant to both of us. I used to resent the way Jason loved him. I thought that I was the only one supposed to love him like a father. I was consumed by jealousy, Carly. You know that.”

“Yeah.” Carly exhaled slowly, closing her eyes. “Yeah, I know. And that’s my fault. I’ve been…” She looked at him. “I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about that—about what you said the day you came to see me at the hotel. I did go out of my way to cut you out of Michael’s life. And in the beginning, it was…” Carly sighed. “I don’t know. I was scared all the damn time back then. I wanted to love Tony. Life would have been easier if I did. But I just didn’t. But I didn’t want to be alone with the baby. And I wanted Jason. That night, I just figured you looked enough like him, if I got drunk enough—” She shrugged.

“I wasn’t a good candidate to be his father back then. Even sober,” AJ admitted. “I wasn’t ready to be sober for myself. I didn’t drink when we were married—until you left. But I didn’t drink because of Michael. It’s not a bad reason, but it’s just—it’s not enough. I have to be sober for me.”

“You showed me a chip.” Carly bit her lip. “A year.”

“Yeah. I got it in July.” He drew it out. Set it on the table. “They work on an honor system, Carly, so I get that you don’t trust it. I didn’t push you, Carly, but that doesn’t change my part in what happened.”

She shook her head. “Can’t—I can’t talk about that. I won’t—”

“We have to deal with it, Carly.” AJ leaned forward. “Because I know we both love Michael. I don’t know where you were for five months, Carly. But I know you love him. I love him. I want to give him a good life. And he’s been asking about you. I need you to see him. I need for him to see you.”

Her dark eyes were wet, and she licked her lips. “Is he—did you bring him?” She shot up from her chair, but before she could get to the doorway, AJ stopped her.

“I brought him. Because I think we can work this out. But we have to find a way to deal with each other. You don’t ever have to forgive me for that night, Carly. I don’t even know if I’ve forgiven myself. I had to put it away, so I could look—”

“You didn’t push me,” Carly said softly. She stepped back. Met his eyes. “I—I know that. I couldn’t—I had to blame you, AJ.”

AJ just stared at her. “Carly—”

“I was…” Carly shook her head, turned away. She wrapped her arms around herself. “A few weeks ago, I went to see Elizabeth. I wanted to understand why Jason…why you had Michael. And she said something…” She hesitated. “She said I needed it to be you. And I hated her for it. But she was right. Because if it wasn’t you, then it was me. But that’s not…”

She turned back around. “We were being hateful. The way we always were. And I was digging at you, trying to make you angry.  I don’t know why it seemed so important. And you were going right back at me.”

Carly spread her hands out. Looked at her fingers. “And I shoved my hand in your face. I shoved Sonny in your face. Told you he was a better man. A better father. And you—you grabbed my hand.”

“You pulled away.” AJ’s throat was raw. “I should have walked away, Carly. I just—I wanted to hurt you.”

“Because I had hurt you first. You didn’t—” She swallowed hard. “You didn’t deserve what I did to you. I married you, but it was a lie. I never even tried to make a life with you. I think about it sometimes. If I had just…trusted you. If I had just trusted Jason, would he still be alive?”

“Carly—”

“I was kidnapped,” she said flatly. “By someone who wanted to do something to Sonny and Jason. I don’t know why. They faked a car accident, and they drugged me until sometime in August. I didn’t even know I was supposed to be dead. And then they showed me pictures. Everyone was so happy. Like I was the only one holding everyone back and with me gone—” Carly closed her eyes. “And you know me. Destroy first. Ask questions when the dust settles.”

AJ exhaled slowly. “You were kidnapped by one of their enemies.”

“Yeah, well, whatever.” She shrugged. “I came home. I made it all worse. And Jason’s dead because of me. We’re all caught up.”

“Carly—”

“I want to see Michael,” she said with a wave of her hand. “We can do everything else later. I just…I need to see him. Please.”

“Yeah.” AJ shook his head, trying to clear it. “Yeah, okay.”

He opened the door to Kelly’s. “Michael, your mom’s out here—”

But the words weren’t out of AJ’s mouth before his son was already halfway across the diner. Like a bolt of lightning, the little boy hurtled past him at his mother.

Carly wrapped her arms around him and lifted Michael into a fierce hug. “Hey, Mr. Man. I missed you, baby.”

“I missed you, too, Mommy.” Michael pulled back. “Daddy said they was wrong about you bein’ in heaven, but that you was real sick. Now you’re better, right?” He turned back to AJ. “Right, Daddy? I can go stay with Mommy at Grammy’s Brownstone.”

AJ’s heart ached. “Sure, buddy. I’m sure your mother and grandmother would love that.”

“But I gotta spend time with Daddy, too, Mommy.” Michael looked at his mother. “I got a room there. It’s really nice. And a backyard. Daddy and Courtney got me a swing set. It’s really cool. You should come see it.”

“I’d like that.” Carly met AJ’s eyes, and then Courtney’s who had followed Michael to the door. “I’d like to see your room and swing set. If that’s okay.”

“Yeah.” AJ nodded slowly. “Yeah, I think we can make that happen.”

Brownstone: Front Steps

Elizabeth sighed when she found Nikolas standing on the front step. “I was just on my way out—and I’m really not—”

“I need to apologize to you,” Nikolas said as she started past him. He reached out as if to grab her elbow, but let his hand fall back to his side when she stopped at the bottom of the steps. “Elizabeth—”

“You should apologize to Emily. She still gives a damn,” she bit out, but then closed her eyes. This wasn’t who she was. Wasn’t who she wanted to be.

She just didn’t want Nikolas to have some sort of epiphany about their friendship when she was lying to everyone. Any ground they might regain right now—it would only be lost when the truth came out.

But that wasn’t Nikolas’s fault.

“I tried,” Nikolas said when Elizabeth said nothing else. “But she was still too angry at me. Lucky’s not thrilled with me either.” He exhaled slowly. “After you left, Emily looked at me and—” He looked away, in the direction of the waterfront and piers. “I always knew Emily had a crush on me, you know? I never felt that way about her, so I tried so hard to be careful around her. I never wanted to hurt her.”

“Nikolas—”

“But when she looked at me, I could actually see that love and affection—the respect she’d had for me? It was gone. I didn’t lose it when I slept with Katherine Bell—” Nikolas grimaced at that memory. “And I didn’t lose it when I started to date Gia, even though Gia had done so much to hurt her.”

Elizabeth sighed, looked down at the sidewalk. “I know. It’s been hard to explain to Emily why Gia and I are friends now, so—”

“But going after you, going after her brother on the day we buried him—” Nikolas shook his head. “That was the last straw for her. And I didn’t know…I didn’t understand how important it was to me that Emily respected me. Until it was gone.”

“She’s too nice to hold it against you for long,” Elizabeth said after a moment. “So, if that’s what—”

“I never—I never looked too hard at myself after everything happened. It was…that entire year—” He waited a moment. “It feels like I was somewhere else. An affair with Katherine? Losing my brother. Losing my uncle.” His voice roughened. “Katherine’s death, the lie about the baby—I kept doing and saying things, and I just couldn’t understand them.”

Against her better judgment, Elizabeth nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I know what that’s like—”

“I clung to you after Katherine—that night at your party—I thought I felt something for you.” He swallowed hard, his eyes dark. “I thought it was love. But it was loneliness. It was grief. It was trying to make something make sense. And you didn’t need me. I didn’t see it that way. I saw Jason taking you away from me.”

“Nikolas—”

“You weren’t my property, but that’s how I treated you.” He scrubbed his hands over his face. “And I kept getting angry because nothing was turning out the way I thought it would. My uncle was this stranger, and then Lucky came home—and God, all that pain was my fault. Helena brainwashed him to use him yes, but she tortured him about you because of me. She stole his love for you, forced him to say things I know must have hurt him—”

“Nikolas.” Elizabeth held out her hand. “Hey. None of that is your fault. What Helena did to Lucky? That’s on her. Don’t take that on.”

He nodded, exhaled with an angry short breath. “Yeah. Well, the crap I did when Jason was back in town—not correcting Lucky. He never believed you about Jason because of me—”

“That’s probably a little true,” Elizabeth said slowly. “Your suspicion didn’t help, but Lucky could see it in my eyes. He and I both lied to each other for years, Nikolas. Lucky knew how I felt about Jason long before I was strong enough to admit it to myself.”

“I’m sorry for what part I played in all of that. And—and I’m sorry for lying last year. I thought it was for the best. I thought Lucky would remember, that you’d both be happy—but—” Nikolas shook his head. “I saw you this summer with Jason. I know you were happy with him. I hate that you’re doing this again.”

Pressure built behind her eyes, and she had to close them. Oh, God, and she had suffered for nothing. Again. Grieving a loved one who hadn’t died—being tricked and lied to—How was she supposed to keep going like this?

“Elizabeth—”

Tears slid down her cheeks as she finally opened her eyes again and looked at him. “It sucks,” she said flatly. “I’m tired of it.”

“I just—I’m sorry if I added to it last week. I’m sorry that it’s happening. And I’m sorry I couldn’t look past my own pride to be the friend you needed. That I couldn’t put Lucky aside to be a friend to you last year.” He hesitated. “I know it will never be the same again, but I just—I don’t want to feel like I have to avoid you. I will if you—”

“I don’t know where we go from here,” Elizabeth said slowly. “If we can ever be friends like we were, but you will always be important to Emily. We can start there.” She managed a smile. “I really do have to go to work now.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure. Thanks for hearing me out.” He stepped aside as she went to her car. She got inside and just took a minute to lay her forehead against the steering wheel. She wasn’t going to work but it was the only way to make Nikolas go away. To leave her alone. To get away from the sympathy, the kind eyes. The hints that the Nikolas she’d once considered closer than her actual family still lurked inside.

Another lie. She was beginning to choke on them.

She was tired of lying. Of being a liar, of being lied to—

She just wanted it to stop.

+3

I would swallow my pride
I would choke on the rhymes
But the lack thereof would leave me empty inside
I would swallow my doubt, turn it inside out
Find nothing but faith in nothing
Want to put my tender
Heart in a blender
Watch it spin round to a beautiful oblivion
Rendezvous, then I’m through with you
– Inside Out, Eve

Friday, September 27, 2002

Safe House: Living Room

Jason carefully edged his way down the hall, wincing at the pain in his side. Ripping his stitches the other day had probably set him back in his recovery—not to mention the week or so Sonny and the doctor had kept him drugged into oblivion.

He had been unable to sleep after Elizabeth had left that morning, and he couldn’t quite kick the idea that something was bothering her—something more drastic than Sonny lying to her and her worry over his condition. She had assumed he was hurt somewhere and Sonny was just not giving her the details, but her eyes had shifted away when she spoke.

He was missing something.

The front door opened, and Johnny strode in with a paper bag and a tray of coffees. It had been deemed relatively safe enough for Johnny to venture into the outskirts of Port Charles to replenish their supplies.

The single bag did not look as though it was enough to feed them for a day much less the weekend Jason had promised Sonny he would wait.

Johnny handed Jason a coffee and then set the bag down before fishing out a newspaper. “I take orders from Sonny,” the warehouse manager said. “I’ve worked for him longer than you have, you know.”

“I know,” Jason said, squinting. “Johnny—”

“And I was only a little irritated when you were promoted over guys who’d been here longer,” the other man continued. “You were younger. Less experienced. And there was a lot of grumbling. You know that.”

“I do—”

“Five minutes of working for you changed that. Even when you turned things over to Moreno, most of us knew why. And knew you’d be back. You were the right guy for the job at the wrong time.”

“Okay, but—

“When Sonny came back, and we went after the territory to get it back, that was fine by me. I respected you both—”

“Johnny, I get it. You followed orders.” Jason shook his head. “My problem isn’t with you—”

Johnny dropped the newspaper on the table in front of Jason as he spoke, and Jason abruptly closed his mouth, silenced by the headline. By the large color photographs. He had never been all that great at photographs, but these were easy to understand.

“’Morgan Memorial, No Suspects in Killing.’” Everything inside Jason seized as he unfolded the paper to read the caption beneath the grainy color photograph of Elizabeth, dressed in black, stepping out of a car with a similarly clad Bobbie at her side.  “’Jason Morgan’s grieving girlfriend’—” He stopped. “What the hell is going on?”

“I didn’t know until Elizabeth came here yesterday.” Johnny’s mouth twisted. “And Sonny…he gave her a royal guilt trip, so she’d lie to you about it. Didn’t want to set back your recovery or put you in danger—”

Jason skimmed the article that recapped some of the events. He’d been missing for two weeks, presumed to be in hiding—until a decomposed body was pulled from the harbor the week before. Testing had later positively identified—next of kin—

“She thought I was dead,” Jason said flatly. “And Sonny waited until yesterday to tell her.” Because Jason had left him no choice. How the hell—Sonny knew what she’d been through in the last few years—knew better than anyone how much she had struggled after Lucky—

“Give me a phone. Now.”

Queen of Angels: Cemetery

It was a cold, dreary, gray afternoon the day they put his little brother in the ground. AJ stood with his wife’s hand firmly in his, next to his mother and father. Emily leaning hard on Ned, with Alexis next to her, an arm around her shoulder.  Just a few paces away, on the other side of Courtney, stood Elizabeth, Gia and Bobbie.

Elizabeth’s face was pale. Blank. And he worried about her. He wanted to look after her because maybe it was the thing you were supposed to do when your brother was murdered. You should look after his family. And Elizabeth was his family.

But it was all AJ could do to get through the day.

He had been one of his brother’s pallbearers. Elizabeth had quietly asked him earlier that week, had asked Sonny if it would be okay. Sonny and some of the men who worked with Jason had also agreed, but Elizabeth wanted AJ to be there too.

To honor the relationship AJ and Jason had managed to create over the last few months.

He had carried his brother’s coffin from the church the day before and loaded it into the hearse. Had taken it from the hearse and carried it to the graveside.

And now he watched as the coffin was slowly lowered.

Soon his little brother would be alone. Beneath cold, dark dirt with nothing but a tombstone marking his place and time on this earth.

His grandparents left first, then his parents. Courtney drove back with Elizabeth and Emily. Slowly, one by one, the mourners at the grave left.

But AJ couldn’t bring himself to walk away.

“Junior?”

AJ turned to his cousin. “Oh. Hey. You’re still here—”

“I keep thinking about that last Christmas,” Ned murmured. “When he was Jason Quartermaine. I can’t even remember the last time I saw Jason Morgan. Now they’re both gone.” He put an arm around AJ’s shoulders. “I hate it. I knew he’d never get his memories back but if he was here—we could still hope.”

AJ closed his eyes, but the overwhelming guilt he normally felt—the knowledge that he had stolen that young man from his life and family—it wasn’t as sharp. It wasn’t his fault Jason was dead.

“I called Alexis yesterday because…I wasn’t sure what would happen with Jason gone,” AJ murmured. “I didn’t know what to do about the guardianship. Carly hasn’t said anything—”

“She can’t take him from you, can she?” Ned asked. His dark eyes glittered with anger. “After everything—”

“I asked Alexis, and—he left everything not related to the business to Elizabeth. Except guardianship. He left that to me. She just—she doesn’t know it yet.” He sighed. “So, I think I’m probably okay. Carly still would have to go to court to establish legal custody, and…”

AJ was quiet for a minute. Let the world settle around him. “All my life I tried to live up to him, to be a better man. And when I failed, I used it as an excuse to destroy my life. I’m looking at his grave, and I can’t—I wasted so much time trying to outdo him. I just…I want him back.” AJ’s eyes burned.

“But I don’t want a drink. So that’s good, right? I don’t want to drown myself in alcohol to lose the grief. I want to hold on to it. Because I finally got to know my brother this summer, and I don’t want to lose that.”

Ned’s arm around AJ’s shoulders tightened into a one-armed hug. “Hey, you want some good news? I’m going to tell the family tonight.”

“Yeah?”

“Alexis is pregnant.” Ned managed a half-smile. “We’re having a baby.”

AJ grinned—and for the first time in a week, felt lightness in his heart. “That’s incredible! Congratulations!” He hugged his cousin more tightly. “Michael’s gonna love having a younger cousin.”

“Let’s go back to the house so Alexis and I can tell the family.” Ned’s smile was a bit more genuine. “We could all use the boost.”

Quartermaine Mansion: Terrace

Emily rubbed her arms as she stepped out of the family room and smiled when she found Lucky standing there, with Nikolas at his side. “My guys.”

“Hey, Em.” Lucky kissed her cheek. “We were just coming back in—”

“It’s fine.” Emily shook her head. “It’s…this reception isn’t really for Jason—it’s for my family, and I know the Quartermaines are a lot to take in.” She turned and through the window, she could see Elizabeth sitting on the sofa, looking down at her lap. Next to her, AJ’s wife, Courtney, touched her shoulder.

She had returned to find that her best friend had…become someone else. Not that Elizabeth still wasn’t her best friend—but she could see the intimacy between Elizabeth and Courtney—the trust. And…with Gia.

“What happened last year?” Emily asked quietly. “Why is Elizabeth so distant—” She looked back at them and was surprised to catch guilty looks being exchanged. “All I knew was that everyone had broken up and that Liz was living with Gia—but I didn’t understand.”

“It’s complicated,” Nikolas began, but Lucky shook his head.

“The why is complicated, but the what isn’t. Nikolas and I lied to them. We lied to Gia for months. And then I lied to Elizabeth. And…” Lucky offered a light shrug. “We weren’t in love anymore. She just…had the courage to walk away first.” He nodded at Nikolas. “And he and Gia realized they brought out the worst in each other.”

“She also saw it first,” his brother said with a dry tone.

Emily bit her lip. “I guess it was naive of me to hope the four of us would be family forever,” she murmured.

“You don’t always have to like your family,” Lucky said, tipping her chin up and offering her a smile. “Sometimes you hate them. You fight. You walk away. And you come back better. We’re still family, Em. We’re just…estranged.” He nodded towards the window. “Elizabeth is still your best friend. When you come home next spring, when you graduate—she’ll be here. So will me and Nikolas.”

“You’re in New York—”

“At the moment,” Lucky said with a nod.  “I went there for space. To do an internship with a photographer my mother knew. I needed to figure out who I wanted to be. Because the guy I was going to be here? He was a selfish asshole who hurt people.”

“Lucky—”

“It’s better now,” Lucky said simply. “I know what I want from life, and I’ve finally…I’ve finally stopped hating myself for not being the guy everyone wanted me to be—” He held up a hand at Emily’s anguished expression. “The guy I thought everyone wanted me to be. And Nikolas and Gia stopped trying to outdo each other to be the most selfish. Elizabeth—”

The trio looked again at the window, at the brunette who had finished the foursome as she flashed a sad smile at Emily’s grandmother.

“And Elizabeth will get through this,” Lucky finished.

Emily turned back to him with a sigh. Had she spent the last few years completely blind to the people around her? Lucky seemed so different from the boy she’d left behind a year ago—but he seemed so at peace, so much…lighter. Nikolas looked unhappy, with lines at the corners of his mouth no one in their mid-twenties should have.

She didn’t know them anymore, didn’t know the ins and outs of their lives or why they had changed. She didn’t know how her brother and Elizabeth had fallen in love—only knew that Jason had seemed happy when they’d last spoken—that Elizabeth’s phone calls had been more frequent and joyful over the last summer—

It was so unfair that all that promise was gone—that Emily would never be able to see what her brother and best friend were like together—that they wouldn’t get to have that life together.

“C’mon, let’s go in and give Elizabeth a break from having to be strong for everyone else,” Emily suggested, linking arms with her friends.

Quartermaine Mansion: Foyer

Bobbie slid her pager back into her bag and touched Monica’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry—I got called in and—”

“Oh.” Monica shook her head. “Thank you for coming—does—does Elizabeth have a way home? I thought she came with you to the cemetery—” Her voice faltered as she said the final words.

“She drove with me, but Gia’s here, so—can you let her know I had to leave?” Bobbie paused as the door to the family room opened, and Edward found them.

She had not seen the Quartermaine patriarch since their tense and bitter dispute at Carly’s will reading in May, and they had not spoken after Bobbie found out Edward had visited Michael’s school.

“Bobbie. I was hoping to find you—”

“I was just on my way out—”

“This won’t take long.” Edward stepped towards her, and then touched Monica’s arm. “Is everything all right?”

“I was just…going to tell Elizabeth that Bobbie had to go—” Monica flashed a smile at Bobbie. “I’ll make sure she gets back to the Brownstone.” She disappeared into the family room.

Edward sighed, looking after her. “It seems so final,” he murmured. “I didn’t realize I had held out hope he could still…come back to us until…” He trailed off, then focused on Bobbie. “I wanted to—I realize I was—I was not—after Carly—”

“Be good to AJ,” Bobbie said. “He’s worked hard, and he deserves your trust. I—” She hesitated. “I always understood your anger, Edward. And I know what happened with Michael wasn’t about me.”

“Still. I thought I knew best, and I could have ruined AJ’s chances. I just—I should trust him more. He’s earned it this summer.” His voice became even more gruff. “You look out for Elizabeth. Take care of her. She’s been good to this family, and we all worry about her.”

“She won’t be alone,” Bobbie said. “I really do have to get to the hospital. Take care of yourself, Edward, and Lila. My prayers are with you.”

“And ours with you.”

Quartermaine: Living Room

Most of the mourners had gravitated towards the family room where the terrace opened out into the garden, so when Emily drew Elizabeth away from the others, she took her to the front foyer. She had also invited Gia and Courtney, and AJ had followed them. She wanted Elizabeth to feel comfortable, to have her support system around her.

But Emily also wanted to find a way to still be part of Elizabeth’s life—not just because she had been so close to her once, but Elizabeth…was the last link to her brother.

“How long are you staying?” Lucky asked as a slightly awkward silence fell on the group. “Do you have to go back right away?”

Emily sighed. “I could only get a few days this week, but I have a break coming up in a few weeks—I’m coming back for about a week in early October. I moved some things around, talked to some professors—I wanted to stay longer—” She shook her head. “I wish like hell I hadn’t gone to UCLA after my rehab finished. I just want to be home.”

“But you’re doing okay out there, right?” Gia asked with a forced casual smile. “You like it?”

“Oh. Yeah. It’s a great program. And I’ll be able to finish my degree in half the amount of time, so—yeah.” She exhaled slowly.

Another silence fell on the group, but Lucky broke it after a moment. “Do you remember when I introduced you to Jason?” he said to Elizabeth. “I think you’d met him before, but it was that day in the boxcar—”

“Oh.” Elizabeth grimaced. “When he came to tell you he was…changing jobs and I embarrassed myself.” She rolled her eyes. “God, I was such a kid—”

“I thought it was funny.” Lucky looked at the others. “She asked if, like, his enemies were gonna come after me—”

“Oh, come on, I did not say it that way—” Elizabeth bit her lip and winced. “Oh, God. But that’s what I meant, and he knew it. He was laughing at me. You know how he does that—he doesn’t actually laugh—” She stopped, as if realizing she was still talking about him as if he were alive. A shadow started to creep back into her expression.

“But you could see it in the way he responded that he was enjoying himself at your expense on the inside,” AJ said quickly with a wry grin. “Yeah. I remember. Obviously, he didn’t think you were too ridiculous.”

“He was a good guy,” Lucky said. “I didn’t always remember that, but it’s easier now. He gave me a job, gave me a way to support myself when I left home. Gave me a home. I should have—” He shook his head. “I should have remembered that before.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Nikolas said with a stubborn glare at Elizabeth who returned his scowl.

“It wasn’t his,” Lucky said easily, and Emily squinted at him. He’d only left Port Charles in May. Could three months away really have given him this kind of peace of mind?

“It was both of ours,” Elizabeth murmured. “But we stopped it.”

“Hey, the first time I met Jason, I totally tried to get him into bed,” Gia said, with a brash grin. Nikolas turned his irritation on her and she just shrugged. “What? I hated Elizabeth, and she clearly wanted him, so it seemed like a good idea.” Elizabeth rolled her eyes—it obviously wasn’t the first time she’d heard that story, so Emily tried to smile at it.

“The first time I met Jason, I got shot,” Nikolas muttered.

“And he saved your life,” Elizabeth shot back. She got to her feet. “I’m going to go—”

“No.” Emily rose. “Nikolas, c’mon—”

“What? We’re sitting around eulogizing the guy like he didn’t get himself killed. People around him die—”

“What about you?” Elizabeth demanded. “You’re a Cassadine. How many people have died around you?”

“Hey, I don’t invite the danger,” Nikolas retorted.

“Really?” Elizabeth snorted. “Pretty sure last year was entirely your idiotic idea—”

“Guys—”

“And it worked,” Nikolas said flatly. “Stavros is dead. Lucky is free. And Helena is locked away. The danger is over for me, but you don’t even see that this is the best thing that could have happened to you—”

“Nikolas!” Emily growled. “That’s my brother you’re talking about—”

“Whatever. You stay, Liz. Clearly, I’m the only person here who lives in reality—”

Elizabeth stopped him as he started to stand. “Don’t talk to me about reality, Nikolas. All I have ever done is support you. You wanted to marry Katherine Bell? I stood by you even though everyone of us knew you were insane—”

“Katherine Bell?” Lucky said with a frown.

“That’s not fair—”

“You wanted to date the woman who blackmailed Emily—”

“Hey—” Gia said with a scowl.

“And I stood by you even though she was literally the worst—”

“I mean, that’s some strong language,” Gia muttered. “I’m not that bad—”

“And every time you told me that I just had to stick it out, that if I walked away from Lucky, he’d be lost forever, I let you punish me. I let you guilt me into staying. Don’t—” She broke off, shook her head. “You don’t have some high moral ground here, Nikolas. You have been punishing me for years—”

“Punishing you for what?” Nikolas demanded.

“Don’t make me—” Elizabeth huffed. “Don’t make me say this in front of them.”

“No, say it—”

“You don’t like Jason because I fell in love with him, and not with you when we thought Lucky was dead,” Elizabeth snarled. “That’s where this started, and you damn well know it. You tried to kiss me the night of my birthday party, and I pushed you away. And you have never forgiven me for turning to someone else.”

Nikolas’s face stilled as he swallowed. “That is not true—”

“And when you thought I had moved on, you threw Lucky in my face. You used him against me, tried to make me feel guilty like I was supposed to be alone forever—”

Lucky squinted. “Is that why Helena made me say you belonged with Nikolas all the goddamn time? Because you wanted Elizabeth—”

“This is fascinating,” Gia murmured to Courtney who smacked her in the arm. “Ow, what? I’m not supposed to be entertained?”

“You can throw Jason’s life in my face all you want, but we both know the truth.” She looked to Gia. “I want to leave. Can you—Bobbie was my ride—”

“Yeah, yeah. Even though I’m literally the worst.” Gia got to her feet and shook her head at her former fiancé. “Man, you should have just let it go. You really are a dink.”

Elizabeth looked at Emily’s stricken face. “I’ll call you later. We’ll—we’ll talk.”

And then she left the room, Gia hurrying after her.

“Is that true?” Emily asked softly. “Did you—kiss her—and then throw Lucky—”

“She makes it sound simple,” Nikolas muttered as he scrubbed his hands over his face. “It wasn’t like that.”

“Except it was.” Lucky tilted his head. “Carly told me that they were sleeping together, and I went to you. And you…you had to know the truth by then. Except—you didn’t tell me. You told me that Jason was a bad influence on her, that he’d nearly gotten her killed. You never told me they weren’t together.” He rose to his feet. “And you know, I didn’t…I didn’t believe her when she said nothing happened. Because you were my brother, and I thought she was trying to spare my feelings.”

“Lucky—” Nikolas paused. “I don’t know what you want from me.”

“Well, this has been fun,” Emily said with some irritation. “Now I remember why I went to school in California. I just wanted to sit here with people I loved and mourn my brother. I wanted Elizabeth to feel safe here. And you had to make it about you,” she said with derision towards the man she had loved once so fiercely. Nikolas grimaced.

“Em—”

“You can show yourself out,” she said with a snarl and stalked from the room.

Gia’s Car

“I didn’t mean it.”

Gia shrugged as she maneuvered down the Quartermaine’s long driveway towards Harborview Road. “I literally was the worst, so it’s okay.”

“Yeah, but—”

“Hey, let me tell you how much fun it was to see you finally let loose on my idiot ex-fiancé.” Gia made a left and turned towards the waterfront. “He’s the only one who didn’t get to hear your wrath when it all went down, so I was wondering if you’d get around to him.”

“I just— I can’t believe he did that. That he made it all about him. Emily just wanted to talk about her brother. To be with her friends. And Lucky was trying so hard—”

“It was nice, hearing him talk about Jason without violence in his eyes.” Gia glanced at her. “Look, you’re already dealing with the guilt of having to bury a casket with a fake body, and then mourn with his family. Don’t take on Nikolas’s idiocy with that.”

“He’s just—” Elizabeth closed her mouth. “He hasn’t been right since Stefan faked his death that summer after we lost Lucky. And then Katherine Bell lied about being pregnant—he wasn’t in love with me, Gia. I was just…safe. A link to Lucky. And I don’t know, maybe if I hadn’t…found Jason. Hadn’t already started to work through my grief—maybe I would have been—” She stopped. “But I can’t make excuses for him. He had no right to do that to Emily. And for all he knows, I’m actually grieving Jason.”

She looked at the window as they left behind the ritzy neighborhood of the Quartermaines. “And I’m already irritated with myself for lying to Jason. It didn’t take a lot to set me off today.”

“Jason will understand.”

“I just…” Elizabeth was quiet for a moment. “When this is over, everything will change. You weren’t here when Jason found out about Sonny and Carly, but it was—he wouldn’t tell me exactly what happened. He’s always held things close to the chest, but I knew they’d done something. He cut them both out, but he just seemed so uncertain, and God, that’s the one thing Jason just never—he was never uncertain. He always knew what he was doing. Where he was going. What he was thinking. They stole that from him.”

Gia pulled up to a red light and flicked on her blinker to turn onto Elm Street. “And now, Sonny has forced the people who love Jason to mourn him. To memorialize and bury him. He’s stolen Jason’s entire life this time.”

“He couldn’t figure out how to do his job after what happened with Carly. He tried for a little, but it was part of the reason he left. Sonny isn’t just his partner, Gia. Not just his friend. He’s—he’s a brother—”

“He’s a father figure,” Gia corrected. “Brothers get to mess up. Father figures get put on pedestals. When they mess up, it screws with the whole order of things.” She was quiet for a moment. “I know what it’s like for the man you think of as your father to destroy your entire world.”

Elizabeth frowned at her. Gia didn’t often speak of the time before she’d arrived in Port Charles, of her life after her brother had left home and Elizabeth had never pushed her. “Gia—”

“Anyway. It’s a mess no matter how you look at it. You’re pissed at Sonny, pissed at yourself for being in the position of having to grieve at all—just because Jason wasn’t actually dead, as far as you were concerned, he was. And you gotta deal with that. Plus, Sonny lied to Jason. And Jason’s gonna find out. How are you supposed to protect yourself when all you wanna do right now is protect him?”

“Can I even do both?” she asked softly. “Should I even try? I’m…I’m just tired of pretending to be something I’m not. Someone I’m not. I really thought this part of my life was over.”

Safe House: Living Room

Sonny had thought he might have more time before Jason discovered the truth. A few more days—there were hints that a hit was being planned, some rumors that someone was shopping out for a hired gun. Nothing tangible, nothing Sonny could use to find out who was involved—

But he thought he might be close.

And then Jason’s phone call had come that morning.

He’d always known Jason would never have agreed to this plan if he’d known—if Sonny had given him the choice. He’d known that Jason would be angry. That it would strain the bonds of friendship—

But Jason didn’t want to hear Sonny’s reasons, didn’t care that Sonny had seen it as a choice between hurting Elizabeth and his family for a little while to protect them from something worse happening. Something more permanent.

“They all think I’m dead, Sonny.” Jason threw the newspaper at him, his face set in that empty expression Sonny knew so well. Jason only retreated like this when he was too angry or too hurt to deal with the emotions.

“I know.” Sonny picked the paper up from the floor and smoothed his hand over the photo of Elizabeth and Bobbie at the funeral. “I told you. They were going to try something to drag you out of hiding—we were lucky to intercept those guys before they grabbed Elizabeth at her studio. She was almost kidnapped—”

“Then you tell me. And we deal with it. You don’t fake my death, Sonny!” Jason shot back. “And you let Elizabeth think I was dead—and then you convinced her to lie about it. What the hell did you think you were going to prove?”

“I—” Sonny hesitated. Sat down. “I knew that the second they confirmed the identity, Taggert would go straight for her. To tell her. To test her reaction. If the cops didn’t believe it, if Elizabeth didn’t believe it—”

“Bullshit,” Jason said quietly. “You deliberately lied to Elizabeth. You know she could have done this. She’s lied before. She lied to me, and I almost bought it. She could have done this. But you cut her out.” He looked away. “Everyone who matters the most to me in the world, Sonny—they think I’m dead. My grandmother. My sister.” He swallowed. “Michael. My parents. Bobbie.”

“I—” Sonny exhaled slowly. “I keep underestimating the people doing this. I keep thinking that if we do this one thing, then we’ll find them. If you go to the warehouse, we’ll get answers. If I keep you out of sight, if I fake your death—I can’t get ahead of them, Jason. Maybe I lied to Elizabeth for other reasons, but I’m not lying about the danger she was in—”

“How long do you expect me to wait?” Jason demanded roughly. “To put my family through this?”

At his side, Benny cleared his throat. “We’ve had some rumors about some men moving around. We know Roscoe’s behind Carly’s disappearance. Nico’s involved—he’s been seen meeting with Roscoe, but we got some evidence that Zander Smith might still be a factor.”

“Zander—”

“Which means Hector Ruiz might be the mastermind,” Sonny cut off Jason’s surprised reply. “We confirmed Zander’s running a crew down there. But he was in Port Charles a few days ago—and he made it a point to seek out Elizabeth. He was testing her reaction. She got angry at him, went after him—and he got on a plane shortly afterwards. He never tried to see Emily or anyone else.”

Jason waited a moment. “Hector Ruiz. Those men moving around—”

“Are his men. And wherever Hector goes—”

“Javier and Manny do, too.” Jason looked away. Swallowed hard. And Sonny knew he had him.  “Okay. What’s the plan?”

“They wanted you out of the way, Jason, to get at Sonny,” Benny said. “That’s another reason we think Zander is involved. There aren’t many people who would know that taking out Sonny can’t be the endgame if you’re still in play. He came to see Elizabeth—because Zander probably knows you wouldn’t lie to her. And nothing would draw you out of hiding like going after Elizabeth. He’s the inside track.”

Jason scrubbed his hands over his face. “I’m not hearing a goddamn plan, Benny.”

“We’re still working that out,” Sonny admitted. “A week, Jase. No longer. I promise.”

Jason looked at him with that same empty expression. “That’s all you get. But the lying to Elizabeth stops now. Do you get that? I trusted—” He stopped. Shook his head. “It just stops now.”

“Yeah.” Sonny stepped back, set the newspaper he still held on the back of the sofa. “Yeah, okay. A week, and this will all be over.”

But the words felt empty even as he said them. He’d made his choices. He would defend them to his last breath.

And ultimately, Sonny would have to live with them.

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