Song: I Shall Believe by Sheryl Crow

November 2003

General Hospital: Cameron Lewis’s Office

Come to me now
And lay your hands over me

“When I was in the coma,” Carly Corinthos began hesitantly, “I had these…I guess you could say that they were dreams. But they felt…they felt so real.”

She glanced over at Dr. Cameron Lewis who just nodded and indicated she should continue. “I was with another man and I lived another life,” Carly continued. “It was almost like reliving memories. I remembered his touch, his kiss, the day he proposed, when I found out I was pregnant…” her breath hitched. “The day he died.”

“And when you woke up?” Cameron pressed.

“I still remembered those memories, those feelings but…” she hesitated again and stared at her hands. “I didn’t remember feelings from this life. The memories are there. But notthe feelings behind them.” She looked at her therapist. “What do you think that means?”

Elizabeth Webber’s Studio

Even if it’s a lie
Say it will be alright

Elizabeth Lansing sank slowly onto the old couch in her drafty studio, her lips pressed firmly together. Her eyes were trained on the white stick in her hands.

A plus sign.

This was bad, this was so bad. This was very, very bad.

Haye’s Landing House

And I shall believe

There was something about this life that called to Courtney Matthews-Morgan. Something about the certainty that when she woke up in her bedroom at the rented house with the knowledge that Brian Beck would be stopping by after breakfast.

It shouldn’t be an attractive idea but was it so wrong to like the idea that a man could have a normal schedule? That his life wasn’t tied to a cell phone? That he wouldn’t run away in the middle of the night with the option of him never coming home?

General Hospital: Cameron Lewis’s Office

I’m broken in two
And I know you’re on to me

“Well, it’s never easy to say, Carly,” Cameron answered. “Sometimes our dreams are pipelines into our subconscious and sometimes they’re just dreams. Fantasies.”

Carly sighed. “But my feelings…I have a husband. Two children. And I can’t…there’s nothing there. Isn’t there something wrong with that?”

Elizabeth Webber’s Studio

That I only come home
When I’m so all alone

Elizabeth started to pace, a hand braced over her flat abdomen. Pregnancy was…it was not a good thing. Not right now. Not when her life had been so out of control she’d slept with three men.

Her eyes closed as the thought she’d been avoiding finally surfaced. Three men. Three candidates.

She sank back onto the couch, fear in her eyes.

Haye’s Landing House

But I do believe

Courtney leaned her head against the glass window that looked out over the front yard of her little safe haven. Michael and Brian were on the lawn, playing catch. Michael was laughing like he hadn’t laughed in months.

Morgan’s soft cries caught her attention and she went to check on her nephew.

If she closed her eyes for just a moment, she could almost believe this was her life.

Normal. Safe.

General Hospital: Cameron Lewis’s Office

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be

“I don’t want to tell you there’s something wrong with you when I can’t possibly make that kind of diagnosis after one session,” Cameron told her. “But I do feel that there is something psychosomatic going on.”

“What do you mean by that?” Carly asked hesitantly.

“I know a bit about you,” Cameron replied. “I know about the high-risk pregnancy you went through, the stress you’re now dealing with after your coma and with your estranged husband imprisoned for your shooting. Your sister-in-law has taken your children to another town.”

“I should miss them,” Carly said. “I remember having the feelings of love for them both but I don’t have the actual feelings anymore. And I just can’t…Jason thinks I should call Courtney and tell her to bring them home but part of me thinks…” she paused and looked away. “Part of me thinks they’re better off where they are.”

Elizabeth Webber’s Studio

It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me

Elizabeth threw out the test and tugged on her red coat. There was no point in getting all upset about this…home pregnancies were notorious for being wrong.

She just had to go to the hospital and find out for sure.

And then she’d find out how far along she was and when she knew that…

Then she’d panic.

Haye’s Landing House

Please say honestly you won’t give up on me
And I shall believe

“Aunt Courtney!” Michael burst into the front room exuberantly. “Brian says that they get a lot of snow here and he says he can take me sledding!”

Courtney smiled and looked at the dark-haired man standing behind her nephew with a grin. “Well, when does it snow?”

“Should come any day now,” Brian remarked in that easy going tone she’d become accustomed to. His brown eyes sparkled. “I’d be more than happy to take the lady of the house sledding as well.”

“Yeah, Aunt Courtney, we could all go!” Michael said urgently. He grabbed her hand jumped up and down excitedly. “Please!”

“Well, if it means that much to you…” Courtney met Brian’s eyes and was startled to feel a slight flutter in her stomach.

That was not a good sign.

General Hospital: Cameron Lewis’s Office

And I shall believe

“Why do you say that?” Cameron asked curiously. “They’re your children. You remember loving them, you remember raising Michael at least.”

Carly sighed and crossed her legs at the ankle, trying to find a comfortable position. “But right now, there’s nothing there and Michael looks at me with all this love and the guilt…it overwhelms me because he expects–and he deserves for his mother to look at him the same way and right now I can’t. So he’s better off with someone who can.”

Elm Street Pier

Open the door
And show me your face tonight

Elizabeth hurried down the stairs and was in such a hurry to get to the other side of the docks that she almost didn’t hear Jason Morgan call out to her.

She stopped in her tracks and turned. “Hey.”

“You seem to be in a hurry,” he said quietly.

She nodded, licked her lips nervously, her eyes darting anywhere but his face. “It’s cold,” she said lamely.

Jason nodded and rubbed the back of his neck. “How are you?”

“I’m fine.” Elizabeth took a deep breath. “You?”

“Fine,” he answered. He knew she was lying and he thought she knew he was lying as well. But they’d been playing this polite game for a while and he wasn’t about to go back to where they’d once been.

It wasn’t their old friendship but it certainly wasn’t the blind hatred of the past year.

Haye’s Landing House

I know it’s true
No one heals me like you

Courtney handed Brian a steaming cup of hot chocolate. “I don’t have any coffee,” she told him.

He nodded and his eyes followed her across the room. “Did I do anything wrong?”

Frowning, she turned back to him. “Why would you ask that?”

“Because you won’t look me in the eyes.”

She flushed. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just…” Courtney sighed and looked at him, being careful to meet his gaze head on. “You make me feel things I shouldn’t.”

General Hospital: Cameron Lewis’s Office

And you hold the key

Cameron nodded. “That’s a very natural reaction and there’s truth to that. Your son has had a very emotional short life, the less upheaval, the better for him.” He set aside his note pad and peered at Carly closely. “Tell me about your marriage before the shooting.”

“We were separated,” Carly said flatly. “I remember that it wasn’t what I wanted but Sonny wanted his family safe.” She chucked bitterly. “I can’t tell you how often I’ve heard the phrase in the last four years.”

“And it bothers you that Sonny puts the safety above your happiness.”

“Yes,” Carly said. “You get it. Finally!” She stood and started to pace. “Maybe now that I don’t have the love for him…I can look at this situation objectively.”

“And maybe that’s why you can’t remember that love to begin with,” Cameron suggested.

Elm Street Pier

Never again
would I turn away from you

“How’s Carly?” Elizabeth inquired. She slid her hands in her pockets and kept her eyes on the wooden planks of the docks.

“She’s fine,” Jason answered.

He was fine, she was fine, Carly was fine. It made her want to scream because none of them were fine. Jason–newly married–was already separated from his wife. Carly couldn’t remember any emotions and Elizabeth was pregnant with…someone’s child.

He saw the flash of something in her eyes. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” Elizabeth said quickly. Too quickly and they both knew it. He narrowed his eyes and almost looked like he was going to press the issue. She cleared her throat nervously. “I have to go.”

Haye’s Landing House

I’m so heavy tonight
But your love is alright

The silence was almost unbearable and if there anything she hated, it was the silence. She was always talking, always trying to fill silences and it was something she knew annoyed Jason.

“Say something,” Courtney said softly. She tucked her hair behind her ears and crossed her arms, almost hugging herself.

“I’m not sure what I should say,” Brian said after a moment. “You–as you have told me so often–are a married woman and I respect the vows of marriage.”

She nodded. “Okay. Then we can just drop this subject.” She started past him but he caught her elbow.

“But you make me feel things I shouldn’t either,” he finished in a quiet voice, his stare unnerving her.

General Hospital: Cameron Lewis’s Office

And I do believe

Carly nodded. “You think this ties back into the psychosomatic thing from earlier. That I don’t want to remember how I feel about my family because it blinds me to the situation. That it makes me do things that aren’t right for me because I want to do what’s right for them.”

“It’s certainly something to be looked at,” Cameron agreed. “Tell me about yourself. Before the marriage. Before you were Sonny’s wife, who were you?”

Carly sank into her seat, her eyes sad. “I can hardly remember who I used to be.” She focused on her therapist. “That’s probably not a good thing, huh?”

General Hospital: Lynn Meadow’s Office

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be

Elizabeth pulled her sleeve down and looked at Dr. Meadows. “When will I have the results?”

Her obstetrician sighed. “I’ll put a rush on them. If you are pregnant again, we need to monitor it carefully.”

Elizabeth’s eyes widened in fear. “You said there was no damage from before.”

“There’s not. But we’d just like to be sure.” Dr. Meadows touched her arm. “Elizabeth, from the symptoms you’ve given, the time you’ve been late and the pregnancy positive…”

“You think I’m probably pregnant,” Elizabeth finished softly. “Yeah. I figured.”

Dr. Meadows handed her a stack of pamphlets. “You might still have some of these but there’s some things in there you might want to read about pregnancy after miscarriages and whatnot.”

Elizabeth nodded. “Thanks. You have my new number?”

The doctor nodded. “We’ll call you when we have the results.”

Haye’s Landing House

It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me

Courtney pulled away from Brian slowly and tore her eyes from him. “Brian–”

“But you are a married woman and my feelings really have no importance, do they?” he said. He stepped away from her.

“Don’t say that!” Courtney cried out, surprising them both. “They do. And so do mine. I just…don’t know what to think.”

“Why don’t you stop thinking and just trust the way you feel?” Brian asked.

“I can’t,” she whispered. She stepped away from him. “You’d better go.”

General Hospital: Cameron Lewis’s Office

Please say honestly
You won’t give up on me

“Your hour’s up,” Cameron said. He stood. “I feel like we’ve gotten a real good start here, Carly. I’d like you to come back.”

Carly nodded. “I will come back. Thank you, Dr. Lewis.”

She left his office and moved towards the elevators. Her head was down, digging through her purse for her car keys and she didn’t see Elizabeth coming towards her.

And I shall believe

Elizabeth was flipping through the stack of pamphlets, intending only to weed out those she didn’t already have. It worried her that Dr. Meadows wanted to monitor this pregnancy so closely–it had never occurred to her that her miscarriage might weigh negatively.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t see Carly.

They slammed into each other. Carly’s keys went flying and so did the pamphlets.

I shall believe

Elizabeth watched in horror as they fell to the ground almost in slow motion.

Carly stooped down and started to gather them. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t–” She broke off and looked up at the panic-stricken brunette. “Elizabeth…you’re pregnant?”

Elizabeth nodded slowly. “Yeah,” she whispered.

Carly stood up and handed the pamphlets to her. “It seems so…I don’t know how to ask this.” She took a deep breath. “Who is the father?”

“I don’t know,” Elizabeth admitted, terrified.

And I shall believe

+8

General Hospital: Tenth Floor Nurse’s Station

After a few moments of tense silence, Elizabeth abruptly whirled around and dashed for the elevator. Carly would have followed her but she was rooted to the floor.

Perfect, prissy Elizabeth Webber was pregnant and if Carly hadn’t been mistaken, the brunette had actually admitted she didn’t know the father.

She wondered if this signified the end of the world.

Port Charles County Jail: Visitor’s Center

Sonny tugged on the ends of his shirt and took a deep breath. “Look, how’s the bail issue coming?”

Jason shook his head. “Not well. You’re a flight risk.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “With Courtney out of town, they think you’ll head for her and then out of town. No one knows where she is.”

Sonny nodded. “Yeah, that’s for the best anyway. You any closer to getting this taken care of?”

“Sonny, we’ve talked about this,” Jason said, frustrated. “I can’t get this taken care of. You shot Carly. You shot Alcazar. This isn’t something we can explain away. You shot your wife while she was in labor.”

“What am I supposed to do?” Sonny demanded. “Wait for a trial?”

“Sonny, I don’t think you’re getting this. The lawyers all think you should make a deal,” Jason told him. “They don’t think they can win this. Every lawyer we’ve talked to says the same thing. There’s too much solid evidence, too much motive for you to shoot Alcazar. And even though he won’t press assault charges, it’s still a felony and you still shot Carly. It doesn’t matter that you weren’t aiming for her.” Jason leaned back and took a deep breath. “Look, I know that it’s not easy being in here but I can’t get you out. Not legally. Not for a long time.”

“So, what are you saying?” Sonny demanded. He lowered his voice. “That I need to…” he trailed off.

Jason nodded. “That’s the only option at this point.” He glanced at the clock on the wall. “I have to go. Carly’s done with her appointment.”

“How is she?” Sonny asked softly. “Has she remembered anything…?”

Jason shook his head. “No. She’s going to Cameron Lewis, hoping she might find out what’s going on.”

“And the boys? Are they okay with Courtney?”

“I have talked to them in a few days, but as far as I know, they’re all good.” Jason stood. “I’ll start working on the other thing.”

“Jason…I never meant to hurt Carly,” Sonny told him. “You know that right? I only wanted her to be safe.”

“Sometimes the more we try to protect people, the more we hurt them.” Jason shook his head. “I have to go.”

The Docks

“You shouldn’t be out here alone.”

Elizabeth closed her eyes and turned around. “Go away,” she said firmly.

Ric Lansing shook his head. “Elizabeth, you’ve been avoiding me for the past month. Since–”

“That was a mistake,” she said harshly. “And one I don’t intend to make again.” Even if she was pregnant and even if this child was Ric’s, she was never going to let him near it. He’d damaged her enough without being given access to a child.

He grimaced. “One day, you’re going to have to stop being so angry with me,” he warned her. “And you’re going to remember how much you love me.”

“Love was never the problem,” she hissed. She turned and crossed to the stairs, never turning back.

Haye’s Landing

“Aunt Courtney?” Michael asked as she helped him into a jacket to go and out play in the front yard. “Are we gonna live here forever?”

“No, of course not.” Courtney kneeled in front of her nephew. “Your mom is just not feeling well and it’s easier for her to get better if she’s not worried about you and Morgan.”

“What about Daddy?” Michael asked.

“Your father’s going through…” she hesitated. “A tough time.”

“Well…” Michael considered this. “I guess if we have to be somewhere other than home, this is okay. Brian is really awesome. I wish he lived in Port Charles.”

“Yeah, he’s great.” Courtney zipped the jacket up. “Okay, now go and play but don’t leave the front yard. I’m gonna go check on Morgan again.”

“Okay.” Michael dashed through the front door and Courtney moved to the back of the house. She wished Jason would call. They’d been here for two weeks now and he’d been there once and had called twice. They’d spent most of their first month married apart and Courtney was pretty much convinced that was the reason for her attraction to Brian.

After all, Brian was fast proving to be the anti-Jason. He came by a few times a day, he held a steady job and in a town like Haye’s Landing, the crime rate was so low, there was no danger in what he did. He was willing to talk to her which was more than Courtney could say for her new husband at this point.

Sometimes Jason shut down and she wasn’t sure how to deal with that. She’d tried to bring him out of it, tried to draw him into conversation but it never worked and it’d been happening more and more since this summer–since she’d doubted him about Ric, since she’d deliberately put herself and their baby in danger, since she’d take painkillers and hit Elizabeth. He’d go inside himself and nothing she could do could change that.

Courtney made sure Morgan was sleeping before taking the baby monitor and going into the kitchen to wash the dishes. She wasn’t going to lie to herself–she liked the quiet little life here. Liked the tree-lined streets, the small shops, the little white house with the big front yard and the back yard that stretched into the woods.

She’d miss this place when it was time go back to Port Charles. She’d never really had a home of her own. She’d gone from living with Janine to living with AJ to living with Jason. All of her homes had been paid for by someone else and this…while Jason was paying the rent, she was taking care of it. She was buying the groceries, cooking the meals, doing the housecleaning and when she went outside, she didn’t have to make five different calls to inform everyone. She just…went outside.

She was up to her elbows in the soapy dish water when the idea that she might actually resent Jason started to creep in. It was silly to resent him, she told herself. He’d warned her all along that life with him would be difficult and she’d thought she knew that. She’d thought she understood that his life was dangerous but as long as he loved her, it didn’t matter.

There was a knock on the back door and she knew who it was before she even looked. She forced down the fluttery feeling inside and reached for the dish towel.

“Come in,” she called.

Brian pulled open the screen door before pushing open the inside door. “Hey. I just…” He ran a hand through his hair. “When you told me your last name was Morgan, it didn’t occur to me that your new husband was Jason Morgan.”

By now she was used to this kind of conversation and she turned back to the dishes. “Yes. He’s my husband. Sonny Corinthos is my brother. Why?”

“I guess it’s pointless to point out that they both break the law on a daily basis.”

She closed her eyes. She could hear the disappointment in his voice and once, it would have pissed her off. How dare someone judge her for the decisions she’d made? How dare they judge Jason or Sonny before they knew them?

But now she was just resigned. “They’ve never been convicted,” she said lamely placing a plate in the drying rack.

“Because they’re damn good at what they do.” He strode towards her. “I pulled your file.”

She turned to look at him suspiciously. “I have a file?”

“Yeah. You’ve been arrested a few times. Prostitution, vehicular assault–two counts…” He shook his head. “You’re not exactly who I thought you were.”

“If you read my file,” Courtney began carefully, “then you’d know that I’ve never been convicted either. The prostitution charge was filed after cops raided a strip club I was working at it. The first count of vehicular assault was dropped because it was proved I wasn’t at fault and the second…”

The second  she’d been guilty of and it ate her. No matter that Elizabeth had forgiven her. No matter that Jason had, too. Or that Lorenzo Alcazar had ensured that she wouldn’t be prosecuted. She still felt guilty for every second Elizabeth couldn’t see–for every moment she’d spent in the hospital.

“The second?” Brian prompted.

“I hit a woman named Elizabeth Lansing,” Courtney began in a quiet voice. “I had had a miscarriage a few weeks beforehand and I’d found out that I wasn’t able to conceive again.” She closed her eyes. “I was attacked on the docks a few days before the accident and I was prescribed hydrocodone for the injuries. And I was…all I could feel was pain. Anger. Hurt. I was so angry with myself because I hadn’t told Jason about the baby and at first I wasn’t even going to tell him.”

“Why not?” Brian asked. “Weren’t you engaged by this time?”

“We were.” She hesitated and set the last plate in the drying rack. “Jason and I were talking about kids–he didn’t know I was pregnant and he didn’t think it was a good time to start a family. He said it was a good thing that we hadn’t yet…so I just…I decided I was going to put off telling him. And then I had the miscarriage and I didn’t…I didn’t think I should put him through it. So I kept it to myself.” She closed her eyes. “But every time I saw him, it was tearing me up inside and he knew something was wrong. But I just…I took the painkillers to hide it.”

“And you were high when you hit the woman?” Brian pressed.

“Yes. I didn’t need the painkillers by then–I had told Jason about the baby but…” Courtney shook her head. “Elizabeth Lansing…I knew her. She’d dated Jason before me and it was one of those relationships that…even people who don’t know them know they’re in love and I don’t…I’m not sure what went wrong. I know what he says and I know what she says but I don’t think it matters except that he was in love with her for a long time and we got together soon after they ended.”

Brian sat at the kitchen table while she talked, getting some insight into her relationship with her husband. “I was dealing the end of my first marriage to his half-brother AJ and we just…I guess maybe it started as a rebound thing. For me, anyway. But I did love him–do love him, I do,” Courtney corrected in a hurry. “But he’s got a history with Elizabeth Lansing and I saw them together one night and I was sure he was going back to her.”

“Together how?”

“Jason’s sister was sick and Elizabeth is best friends with her,” Courtney explained. “They were comforting each other. A week later, we’d just had a huge fight and Ric Lansing–Elizabeth’s husband, they’re separated…he told me that he’d seen them together and I guess…I just…I lost it. I took some pills, I got into the car and I hit her.”

She sat down across from him, her eyes downcast. “I didn’t mean to and even now I don’t remember much of it but she just…she came out of nowhere.” Courtney licked her lips nervously. “I got home somehow and Jason and I went on vacation after that. I didn’t remember it but someone knew–Carly, my sister-in-law–she tried to cover it up. But when I got back and I realized…” Her hands were shaking so bad she laid them flat on the table. She’d never spoken about this to anyone and somehow it seemed so wrong to tell Brian before anyone else but she had to say something.

“Elizabeth is an artist, has been for years,” she told him. “But the accident rendered her blind temporarily and God…that just…I couldn’t deal with it. I still can’t. If she’d never gotten her sight back, I don’t think I could have lived with myself.”

“If you were guilty and arrested, why weren’t you put on trial?” Brian asked bluntly.

And for the first time, Courtney told someone exactly why she was never formally charged. “Because Lorenzo Alcazar was in love with Carly and he thought arranging for a cover-up would look good in her eyes. I went to turn myself in and it was already taken care of.” She shook her head. “Sometimes, I wish he hadn’t. Because I deserved to go to jail for what I did to her.”

Carly’s Home

Lorenzo Alcazar was standing on her front steps when Carly pulled into her drive way. She couldn’t hide the smile and wasn’t even sure she wanted to.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, clearly pleased to see him. She unlocked the front door and ushered him inside.

Lorenzo shrugged. “I knew you were having your first session today and I wanted to see how it went.”

“It went okay,” Carly told him. She closed the door and hung her coat and purse up. “We just really scratched the surface but he thinks I don’t remember my emotions because now I can see the situation a little more objectively.”

He followed her into the kitchen and watched as she made herself a sandwich. She offered to make him one but he declined. “Which situation is that?” he asked finally.

“My marriage.” Carly sighed. “I remember thinking that as long as we loved each other, the rest of it didn’t have to matter.”

She sat down and shook her head. “But that’s not right at all. I should have seen it. The old me would have realized what was going on. The girl who sauntered into town and destroyed pretty much ever one she touched…” Carly nodded. “She would have seen that I was in a hopeless situation.”

“I doubt you destroyed every life,” Lorenzo remarked with a smile.

She flushed and bit into her sandwich. When she’d swallowed, she shrugged. “It doesn’t matter–that’s what I’d set out to do. Pay my biological mother back for abandoning me. I decided that I was going to steal her husband and make her life a living hell. I did for a while…but when I got pregnant with Michael, things changed for me.”

“Like what?”

“I won’t say it changed me for the better–not right away,” Carly admitted. “But I stopped worrying about my mother and more about myself. I don’t…I don’t really feel like psycho analyzing myself anymore.” She pushed her half-eaten sandwich aside. “How’s your niece doing?”

Lorenzo chuckled. “Sage? She’s wreaking havoc on everyone she meets. Nothing new. I am glad to have her here. It’s nice to have some family in town.”

“You should…” Carly hesitated. “I’d like to get to know her better. Maybe you could bring her over for dinner.”

Lorenzo raised his eyebrows. “Can you cook?”

“I’m a little out of practice,” Carly admitted. “But I could probably do something.” She took a deep breath. “And I’m going to ask Courtney to bring the kids in the same night. I think if I’m going to try and get…to get some of the emotions back, I need to spend time with them.”

“It must be hard to look at the people you once loved and not be able to feel those things but yet remember that you once did,” Lorenzo said.

“It is,” Carly said. She flushed. He didn’t know about the dreams–or about the fact that the only thing she did still feel was the way she had in those dreams. “But you’ve been so good to me, Lorenzo. A very good friend and I’m lucky to have you in my life.”

He squeezed her hand. “I’m the lucky one,” he said quietly. He could deal with gratitude and friendship. His schemes to get into her life hadn’t worked and maybe that was for the best. If he gained her love and trust this way…

Maybe they could make it after all.

Jason’s Penthouse

He pushed open the door and flicked on the light. The top floor of Harborview Towers was eerily silent.

There was a red blinking light on his answering machine so Jason pressed play and pulled off his leather jacket.

“Jase? It’s Carly. The therapy session went fine. Give me a call.”

“Hey…it’s me…” He paused and turned when he heard Courtney’s tired voice. “I guess I missed you. Um…things are okay here. Michael likes it and well, Morgan’s still crying all night but I guess that’s something to expected. Call me…”

“Jason…it’s me…Elizabeth. There’s…we need to talk.”

He stared at the answering machine and pressed replay for the third message.

…need to talk.

He couldn’t imagine what it was but maybe it had something to do with why she wouldn’t look him in the eye earlier today.

Studio

“Okay…” Elizabeth nodded and sighed. “Okay. Yeah, I’ll make an appointment. Is there a reason I didn’t realize until now? Okay…yeah, that makes sense. Thanks, Dr. Meadows.”

Elizabeth hung up and chewed on her lip. She was seven weeks pregnant. Not long enough to be either Ric or Zander’s…

Her eyes filled with tears and she sank to the ground.

“Oh, God,” she whispered painfully.

+10

Haye’s Landing

Courtney shifted the phone to the crook of her neck as she folded a light blanket and put it over the back of the couch. “I’m glad your first session went well, Carly. When are you going back?”

“I’m actually in the waiting room now.” Carly sat back and crossed her ankles. “Listen, I want the boys to come in this weekend. To stay at the house. I want to start slowly, you know? I’m finding out that the more time I spend around people, the more I feel.”

Courtney nodded. “Sure. I’ll drive back Friday morning. Carly, there’s something I wanted to run by you. Michael’s already been out of school for two weeks. He really needs to go back.”

Carly chewed on her lip. “Yeah. I understand that. Well…we can talk about it when you come this weekend.”

“Okay.” Courtney sighed. “How’s Jason? And Sonny?”

“Sonny’s…I haven’t seen him,” Carly admitted. “And Jason…” she hesitated. “He’s okay,” she said finally. “A little stressed but fine.”

“Well…soon this will be over and we can be together–go on a honeymoon or something I guess.” Courtney bit her lip. “Carly, can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” Carly replied a little hesitantly.

“Do you think I’m a bad person?” she asked bluntly. “I mean…you say you can’t remember your feelings, your emotions so I’m hoping that you can give me an objective opinion.”

“I don’t think you’re a bad person,” Carly replied, surprised. “Why?”

“Never–never mind.” She sighed. “I’ll see you on Friday. Tell Jason I love him.”

“Will do. See ya.”

Courtney hung up the phone and wandered to the window where Michael was standing out on the lawn, his face tilted up to let the first snow fall of season fall over his face. Brian was standing behind him, his hands in the pockets of his jeans, his usual sheriff’s jacket zipped up.

He looked up and met her eyes through the window. She didn’t look away even though her instincts told her so. There was nothing wrong with physical attraction as long as she didn’t act on it.

And she didn’t intend to. She’d fought hard for her relationship and her marriage. Sure she and Jason had had tough times but she knew people who’d gotten through worse. She wasn’t going to be one of those women who gave up when the going got rough.

It wasn’t going to be like her marriage to AJ. A year later, she could look last fall a little differently. Look at AJ’s motives rather than his actions. After all, the thing he’d feared the most had ended up being true. She’d left him for his brother.

She watched as Brian left Michael in the snow and walked to the front door. He knocked on it but she made no move to open it.

After a moment, he pushed it open and stepped inside. “I wanted to apologize.”

Courtney crossed her arms. “Okay.”

“You’re right, I only know what’s in the file. Jason Morgan could be a great guy.”

“He is,” Courtney said quickly and a little too forcefully. “He is,” she repeated in a quieter voice. “We went through a lot this last year and I love him. So…whatever this is…it has to stop.”

Brian nodded. “Right.”

“I’m taking the boys to see their mother this Friday and if it goes the way I think it will, we’ll probably go home next week,” she said quietly. “And I know you have more important things to be doing than just…hanging around here, looking after the house.”

“It’s a pretty quiet town,” Brian remarked. “Not much happens here.”

“It’s a nice place but Port Charles is my home.”

“I should get back to the station. I’ll see you later, Courtney.”

General Hospital: Cameron Lewis’s Office

“So, how are we feeling today?” Cameron asked. He adjusted his notepad on his thigh and studied his patient.

“Fine. A little more clear on things,” Carly answered. “I, ah, just got off the phone with Courtney and she’s bringing the boys in this weekend for a few days.” Carly tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “The more time I’ve spent with Jason, the more my feelings for him, the affection, the love…the more that’s all returned so I’m going to experiment with that this weekend.”

She stared at her hands. “I took my wedding and engagement rings off. I haven’t taken them off since Sonny put them on my fingers.”

“Why do you think you were able to do it this time instead of other separations?”

“Before I never really accepted it,” she admitted. “Even when we were divorced…I was still so in love with him. I didn’t move on at all. I just…I couldn’t do it.”

“What if you get your feelings for him back?” Cameron pressed.

“My marriage has been in trouble for a long time,” Carly admitted. “I didn’t…I didn’t see it because I found ways to excuse it. He was just having a bad day, he was going through a rough time…etc. So when he’d say…when he would treat me like a child, I rationalized it.”

“How would he treat you like a child?”

“He’d…he’d question my every move, my every thought. Nothing I did ever…it was like he felt that I wasn’t…that I wasn’t smart enough to take care of myself.” She cracked her knuckles nervously. “I used to just think it was part of…he’s always gone through these periods…dark times when he’d question everything. He’d question me, question Jason, anyone in his life, you know? He’d get overly paranoid and I just…I accepted it because it was part of him and I loved him.”

“And now?”

“Now I think that I sheltered him,” Carly admitted. “I made excuses when I should have gotten him help. And I let him get away with treating me so badly because I didn’t want to face the idea I couldn’t give him that help.”

“Okay, now let’s talk about your dreams, about the man in them. Is the man part of your life now?” Cameron asked, switching topics.

Carly nodded. “Yeah. He is.” She flushed a little and looked down. “It’s hard to be around him though. Because I feel this way and I’m not sure it’s real and I know…he’s made it very clear how he feels about me.”

“And how does he feel?”

“He’s in love with me,” Carly admitted. “And I don’t want to tell him that I feel the same because if that changes in the future, I don’t want to hurt him. He means…he means a lot to me. He’s been there for me when I’ve needed him so I just…I want to be careful.”

“That makes sense. It’s clear this man was important to you before the shooting.”

Carly nodded. “He was there for me when I moved into the new house, he was at my side when I nearly lost Morgan–he told the doctors not to deliver the baby even though my life might be in danger. Lorenzo’s been good to me and I want to make sure I don’t hurt him.” She cleared her throat. “I invited him and his niece over for dinner this week. It was a spur of the moment thing and I still…I don’t know why. Sage–his niece–is the only family he has left and I guess I wanted to…” she bit her lip and frowned a little. “I want to know more about him–see him around the people he loves.”

“You want to be part of his life,” Cameron clarified.

“Yes,” Carly agreed. “I also…” she blew out a deep breath. “I’m thinking of going to see Sonny this week but I think it hurts him that I don’t love him anymore and I also…I’m not sure if I’m ready.”

“Why wouldn’t you be?” he asked.

“Because…he did shoot me,” Carly remarked. “I was in labor with our child and he shot at Lorenzo who was helping me and I ended up with a bullet in my head and in a coma for two weeks. I was extremely lucky that there wasn’t a lot of damage done so I think it’s understandable that in addition to my loss of emotions, there’s anger there.”

Cameron nodded. “It is understandable and it doesn’t surprise me. If Sonny is convicted and sent to jail, what do you think will happen?’

“I’m not sure.” She took a deep breath. “I know that Jason broached the lawyers about doing some kind of mental defect defense and I’m in favor of it if it means that Sonny will get the help he needs.”

“So while the love is gone, it sounds like there’s still a lot of concern for him.”

“Of course,” Carly replied. “He’s a claustrophobic paranoid man locked up in a jail cell. I am concerned for him but that doesn’t mean I’m going to run around trying to get him released.”

“So what do you think would happen if you were to go see him?”

“I’m not sure I could separate my anger from everything else and he doesn’t need that right now–I don’t need it right now,” Carly corrected. “I’m trying to get to a place in my life where I’m okay with who I am and where I’m going and it’s becoming clear that a marriage to Sonny isn’t part of that. At least…not until I’m a little more…settled in my life. I need to get back to running my club, to being with my boys–I’ve never been a particularly good mother–I can admit that now. I put Sonny above that and I can’t do that anymore.”

“Sounds like you’re on the right track, Carly. You’re making good progress,” Cameron told her. “To be honest, when your mother first told me you were coming to see me, I wasn’t sure what would happen because doctors were sure that it was brain damage but the more I talk to you, the more I think what you’re going through is psychosomatic. The mind is very powerful but it’s also vulnerable and it goes to great lengths to protect itself. When people repress memories, their mind is protecting them.”

“You think I’m trying to protect myself from something?” Carly asked, slightly confused.

“No, but I think part of you subconsciously realized that you were going to stay locked in this hurtful limbo your marriage turned into and it needed to find a way to change the situation.”

“So you think it shut down my feelings in order for me to realize what was going on,” Carly said slowly. “I think…I think that might be right. Do people who experience these things remember eventually?”

“Repressed memories usually come back, yes and what you’re experiencing is a type of repression. You’re repressing your emotions in order to look at your life. And when you are more ready to deal with things, it’s altogether possible those memories could come back. Those emotions.”

“That sounds so much better than what some of the doctors were telling me,” Carly sighed. She smiled at him. “I’m really glad I decided to do this.”

Kelly’s: Kitchen

Jason stared at her for a moment, still trying to process the idea. She was pregnant and the child was his. Elizabeth was pregnant and she was apparently very pissed at him.

“Why are you mad at me?” he asked finally.

“I’m mad at myself more,” she scowled. She turned her back and gripped the sides of the stove. “I made this stupid mistake. And I’m just…God, Jason, you’re married. Do you have any idea what this looks like?”

“How do you think I feel?” he hissed. “I never told Courtney about that night.”

She whirled around. “You said you were going to–”

“I just…with everything that was going on, there was never a right time and then she just…the wedding just came together and look, it’s not the easiest–” he swore under his breath. “Elizabeth–”

“I know this is a bad situation for you and I want you to know that I’m prepared to take care of it, okay? I don’t need your help.” She shoved her hair out of her face and took a deep breath. “Oh and just for some clarification, I don’t intend on having an abortion. I was willing to have my psycho ex-husband’s child, I think I can deal with having a married man’s baby. I mean people are already laughing behind by back, now they’ll just laugh in my face–” her voice broke and she turned away from him, closing her eyes.

“Elizabeth…people are going to realize that the child was conceived before the wedding,” he tried to assure her.

“You were still engaged and technically I’m still married so you know what? This looks really bad. God, I went from a hit man to a psycho straight back to the hit man.” She thumped her closed fist against her forehead. “When will I learn?” she muttered.

His face darkened. “This isn’t exactly my idea of good news either,” Jason bit out. “I’m already dealing with enough–”

“Oh and I’m not?” she snapped, her eyes flying open. “I’m in the middle of a very bitter divorce, I have to work double shifts and I live in a studio that wouldn’t know heat if it bit it in the ass so I really don’t want to hear about what a horrible life you’re living with all the money in the world and a luxurious penthouse, okay?” She glanced out into the dining room to see a few curious customers looking her way as well as the sympathetic eyes of Nikolas and Lucky. Shit, shit, shit.

“Can we just do this somewhere else?” she continued, a touch of desperation in her voice.

He exhaled slowly. “Yeah. Fine. When are you done work?”

“Eight tonight,” she told him. “Just…ah, come to the studio I guess. We can…we can deal with this then. I need to finish Nikolas’s order.”

“Elizabeth, this is going to be okay,” he tried to tell her.

She snorted and looked away, her eyes teary. “You don’t really believe that do you?” she scoffed.

He took a deep breath. “I have to. I’ll see you tonight.”

He left through the back door instead of the font door and she took a few moments to collect herself before starting Nikolas’s food.

“Elizabeth?”

She turned at the sound of Lucky’s voice. “Hey. Did…did you, ah, need something?”

“I’m getting ready to head out. Uh, that conversation looked intense. Are you okay?”

Elizabeth closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “No, Lucky, honestly I’m not but this is a conversation that you really don’t have time for.”

“Elizabeth–”

“Seriously, Lucky, it’s nothing I can talk about right now.” She managed a fake smile. “Go to work. I’ll call you tonight.”

“Okay.” He looked at her suspiciously but left. She turned back to the stove and fought tears.

General Hospital: Waiting Room

+11

Chapter Four

Elizabeth’s Studio

Elizabeth bit her lip and glanced at the clock sitting on her table. 8:30.She glanced back at the book she’d dug out of her luggage from the house. She’d bought a pregnancy book back when she and Ric were trying to conceive again–wanting to be prepared.

And even after the marriage had crumbled, she’d kept the book. She was glad she had now–she wouldn’t have to fork over some of her hard-earned savings for one.

Even as she tried to concentrate on the paragraph about the changes taking place inside her body during the second month of pregnancy, her eyes kept straying towards the clock.

8:32. 8:33. 8:34.

She sighed and stood to stretch her legs. Was it really too much to hope that he’d be on time for once? That maybe what was going on with her would take precedence over something else? One would think he’d want to get this taken care of as soon as possible.

As annoyed as she was with Carly for spilling the beans about this, she was also sort of grateful. God only knew when Elizabeth would have worked up the courage.

Seven weeks along. Her hand strayed to her abdomen. If she pressed down, she could feel something a little hard there. Her book said that she wouldn’t really notice a very big difference until the beginning of the fourth month.

To be honest, she wanted as much time as possible to go by before she started to show. She needed to come up with explanations–what would she say to her grandmother, to Emily…Oh, God, she could only imagine how much worse this divorce proceeding was going to go once Ric found out about this.

The knock on her heavy steel door jarred her from her mournful thoughts and she crossed to open it. He was about forty minutes late but since she remembered all too well the nights he never showed at all, so she let it go.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “I got held up in a meeting with Sonny’s lawyer.”

Elizabeth nodded and returned to the table where she bookmarked her page and closed the book. “It’s fine. I was just reading anyway.”

“Elizabeth…” he took a deep breath. “I’m not really sure what to say and I know that I don’t want to piss you off but I’d really rather that right now we were honest with each other.”

“Okay. Honesty’s probably the best way to start.” She crossed her arms and leaned against the table. “I’m almost a month behind on my rent and my electric is about to be shut off. I also have some medical bills to pay off from when I was in the hospital for the accident and also for the embolism. How’s that for honesty?”

“If you need money, I can give it you,” he told her. “I know how hard you work but–”

“Yeah, I know I’m going to have to cut back at Kelly’s. I’ve been working double shifts constantly since I got my vision back.” Elizabeth arched her eyebrow. “So, what exactly are you looking to get out of this?”

He frowned. “Get out of this?” he replied.

“Well, I’m not really sure what you want from me. If you’re going to sue me for full custody so you and Courtney can raise the child or–”

He sliced his hand through the air. “I’d never do that to you. Come on–you should know me better than that, Elizabeth.”

“Have you told her yet?” she asked pointedly.

Jason shook his head. “No, I wanted…it’s going to be hard enough to tell her about that night and now I have to tell her you’re pregnant when…” he hesitated and looked away. “Courtney’s miscarriage…it damaged her…she can’t conceive.”

“Oh.” Well, now Elizabeth could feel some sympathy for the other woman. Not only had her fiancé cheated on her, but he’d conceived a child with that woman–a child she herself couldn’t give him. “I’m sorry.”

“So, it’s going to be difficult to tell her that. I thought I’d wait until we’d settled this between us. There’s so much up in the air–I just…I wanted to wait.”

“Fine. That part of it isn’t really any of my business anyway.” She lifted herself up onto the table to sit on the edge. “Regardless of what’s happened between us, Jason, I know you’d be a good father and I’m hoping you want to be in the child’s life.”

Jason nodded firmly. “There was never a doubt in my mind. I…I won’t deny that part of me is happy about this, Elizabeth. You know how much Michael meant to me and the idea of having another child…” he exhaled slowly. “No matter what the situation is, I want this child to feel loved and wanted.”

Her eyes teared and she cursed her hormones. “So do I. And I want this child–and part of me is happy, too. I wasn’t sure if you would be, too.”

“I’m not denying this isn’t going to be messy,” he warned her. “Because I still have to tell Courtney and while Carly knows, Sonny doesn’t. And you have…your grandmother and Ric to deal with and something tells me that neither of them is going to be very happy about it.”

“Ric can go jump off a cliff for all I care,” she remarked coolly. “We’re in the middle of the divorce now and he’s dragging it along. I’m hoping to get that settled before I have to tell him anything.”

“I want to be involved in the pregnancy, too,” he told her. “Go to doctor’s appointments and…all of that. Will you let me?”

“I…” She hesitated. “I think you should wait to make that decision until you talk to Courtney. As much as I don’t want her to have a say in any of this…you are married to her and her reaction and opinion are going to matter.”

“But will you let me?” he pressed.

“If that’s what you want.” She crossed her legs and took a deep breath. “I’m going to start looking for another job–one where I can work better hours and make some more money. I don’t want to ask you for more than I absolutely have to.”

“Anything you need, Elizabeth, I want you to be able to come to me for it. I can…” Jason hesitated. “You’re going to say no and get really pissed at me for offering this, but I want you know that I can arrange for you to have an apartment at the Towers, rent free.”

She arched an eyebrow. “You want me to live in the same building as you and your wife?”

“Sonny and I own the Towers,” he tried to explain. “And right now Courtney’s out of town with the boys. We don’t know when she’ll bring them back. Probably not until the trial is over.”

“I still don’t think it’s a good idea. I mean…providing Courtney doesn’t try to kill you, it wouldn’t be fair for her to have me in the same building.”

Jason nodded. “And asking you to let me pay for rent and utilities on any other apartment is out of the question, I’m guessing.”

“Absolutely,” she told him. “The only thing I’d consider letting you pay for is Dr. Meadows as my obstetrician. She’s the best at the hospital but she’s also expensive.”

“Then just tell her office to bill me.” He stepped closer to her. “Elizabeth, this is probably the easiest this is gonna be. You know that I’m gonna have to…” he hesitated. “I’ll probably have to put a guard on you.”

“Why?” she demanded. “I…that doesn’t make sense. I’m not Courtney. I’m not Carly. I don’t need a guard.”

“To keep you safe,” he told her. “Elizabeth, come on, you know that I’m not just being paranoid about this. The last time I ignored the trouble and left you alone, you were kidnapped. And then you were shot. So…just trust me for once.”

“I also don’t want a guard,” Elizabeth said stubbornly. “It’s restricting and they don’t let you walk anywhere. You have to take a stupid car.”

He dropped his head into his chest and took a deep breath. “Okay, let’s compromise. You don’t…you don’t have to have one at all times but you’ll let me put one on you at night when you’re in the studio or when you move to another apartment.”

“Just at night?” she asked hesitantly. “I don’t…I don’t see what you’re worried about. Courtney’s your wife. I’m just–”

“–pregnant with my child and Elizabeth, I’m not sure if you’re aware of this or not but…” Jason paused, trying to think of the best to explain this. “Sonny’s out of the business. I’m the one in charge now.”

She stared at him, a little surprised. “But once he gets out of jail–”

“He turned it over to me before he shot Carly,” Jason informed her. He ran a hand through his hair. “And the way things are going, it doesn’t look like he’ll be coming home soon.”

“So…you’re…in charge.” Elizabeth blinked. “I’m…I’m not sure what to say to that. As long as I’ve known you, you’ve just been…Jason and now–”

“That hasn’t changed,” he said quickly turning around to stop her. “I’m still the same person but I just have a different job now.”

She nodded slowly. “Okay. But you wouldn’t have brought it up if you didn’t think it was something I should know.”

“I just…things are different now. It’s not like it was a year ago when we were…” He broke off, trying to find the right words. “My role is different–it’s higher now and the people around me are in more–”

She rolled her eyes. “Danger,” Elizabeth remarked flatly. “Gee, there’s a word I haven’t heard before.”

“Elizabeth–”

“I think there’s something we have to get straight. If you’re going to be in the baby’s life, then you need to be in it. None of this it’s too dangerous bullshit that you always spewed at me, okay? You don’t get to pick and choose. Either you’re in it or not. Is that understood?”

He took a deep breath. “I wasn’t trying to…okay, it’s understood. I’m just trying to explain why I want a guard on you.”

“I get it. You’re the big boss now and the people around you are even bigger targets.” She shrugged. “Message received. So they might come at you through your illegitimate child and the one-night stand carrying it–fine. I’ll take the guard at night–”

“You are not just a one-night stand to me,” Jason interrupted.

“What? Are we friends?” she challenged.

“I was hoping for that at least,” he told her. “Elizabeth, are we going to spend the next seven months arguing?”

She sighed and looked away. “Okay. I don’t really want to argue about this either. I’m going to get enough shit from the other people in my life–it would be nice if I didn’t have to deal with it here.”

“Courtney’s bringing the boys in for the weekend,” Jason told her. “I’m going…I’m going to tell her then.”

“Okay.” She pushed her hair behind her ears. “I think…I think that’s enough for tonight.”

Instead of leaving, he reached past her and picked up the book she’d been reading. “Is this helpful?”

Frowning, she nodded. “Yeah, I guess. Why?”

“I thought I might…get a copy of it,” he told her. “Just…to understand what you’re going through.”

She smiled then and looked down at the book. “You know you don’t have to do that right?”

“I want to know. I can’t…I can’t be here all of the time–I meant it when I said I wanted to be part of this in every way possible.”

“What if Courtney doesn’t…what if she fights you on that?” Elizabeth asked.

“I don’t know how she’s going to react,” Jason replied hesitantly. “I know it’s going to hurt her and…I don’t want to do that.”

“Okay. I just want you to know that it’s okay if you don’t…I know how important she is to you and if she forgives you, she’s not going to want to be constantly reminded of this situation either.”

“Yeah.” Jason took a deep breath. “I should go. I’ve got…I’ve got some things to do. I’ll talk to you later?”

She nodded. “Okay.”

November 17, 2003

Carly’s House: Kitchen

Carly cursed when her sauce stuck to the side of the pot. She tried to save some of it, but it was hopelessly burned.

What the hell had made her think she could do this?

The phone rang, cutting off her thoughts and she reached out to pick it up. “Hello?” she said distracted.

“Carly?”

Her fingers clenched around the phone instinctively. “Sonny.”

“I…how are you?”

“I’m doing okay,” she murmured. She turned the stove off and dumped the pot in the sink. “You?”

He exhaled slowly. “I could be better. I just…I just got finished a meeting with Dara. She’s my new lawyer, did you know that?”

“No, I didn’t.” Carly rooted around in the refrigerator, looking for something edible to eat. Lorenzo and Sage would be here in two hours.

“Jason, he, ah, convinced me to go with the new defense.” She closed her eyes. She could picture him standing against a wall in the country jail, dressed in prison blues, scratching his chin. “I wanted to see what you think.”

“I think that it’s a good idea,” Carly said softly. “I think that you could benefit from the help.”

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re probably right. I…it occurred to me that I haven’t…I haven’t apologized. And I don’t know why. I mean, I have been stuck in here and you haven’t come to see me–a-and I’m not trying to make you feel guilty. I know what I did was wrong. And I’m sorry, Carly.”

She sighed and blinked her eyes, surprised at the sudden sting of tears. “Sonny, I want you to get out, believe me. No one knows more than I do that you…I know you can’t be in there and I just…it’s okay. All of it, I mean. It’ll be okay if you just…promise me you’ll cooperate,” she whispered. She pushed her hair out of her face and took a deep breath. “Promise me that you won’t argue with Dara–she’s a good lawyer and if she took your case, she believes in you and that has to matter.”

“I promise. Carly…I want to see you. Eventually, I mean. I don’t–I don’t want to push you. I know you’re doing good with your therapy and I just…I want to see you. I haven’t seen you since that night and I know you’re doing okay–that you’re alive but there’s…there’s this tight feeling in my chest and I just don’t think it’s gonna go away until I see you.”

Carly nodded. “Okay. I’ll come out this week. With Jason. Is Dara going to reopen the bail issue?”

“Yeah. She’s gonna, ah, volunteer to do the ankle tracking thing. I’m gonna surrender my passport and all of that stuff. But if Baldwin goes for the deal, it won’t matter. I’ll be at Ferncliffe.”

“Will Scott go for it?”

“Probably not. You know how he loves to make a splash. Ah, Carly, they’re giving me the signal. I gotta go. I…I love you.”

Wishing desperately that she could give him that back–that he could take it with him back to the cell and it could comfort him, she fought back tears. “Goodbye, Sonny.”
She hung the phone up and looked back at the fridge. Maybe Sage and Lorenzo wouldn’t mind pizza.

Haye’s Landing

“Are we really gonna see Mommy?” Michael asked, bouncing up and down as Courtney tried to zip up his winter jacket. The snow that had started to fall last night had continued to fall all night and most of the morning and had only stopped this afternoon.

“Yep. We’re leaving Friday afternoon and it’ll take three hours for us to get there but we’re going to see Mommy and Uncle Jason, too.” She yanked his hat over his red hair. “Okay, you’re ready to go.”

“Brian’s not here,” Michael observed, disappointed. “He promised to take me sledding and he’s not here.”

“Well, honey, Brian is the sheriff of this whole town. It’s a really important job and he has to concentrate on that.”

He pursed his lips. “He’s a cop?” Michael asked. “I thought all cops were mean like Taggart.”

“No, not all cops are mean,” Courtney sighed, disappointed that Michael was being brought up to distrust authority figures. “Taggart didn’t like your father and your uncle. But there are some good ones. You remember Mac Scorpio?”

Michael nodded. “Yeah. Is he a good cop?”

“He is. He’s fair and he’s someone you can trust. He’s the commissioner of the police which is kind of like a sheriff except Haye’s Landing is smaller than Port Charles and doesn’t need a commissioner.”

“So Brian’s a good guy too?” Michael asked. He pulled on his mittens.

“Yes,” Courtney answered. There was a knock on the door then and Michael ran to yank it open.

“Brian!” he announced excitedly. He looked past the taller man to see the sled sitting in the front yard. “We’re gonna go?”

Brian nodded. “I’m gonna take you out to the biggest hill in town.”

“Can I go, Aunt Courtney?” Michael asked exuberantly.

Courtney nodded. “Sure, just be careful.” She tugged on her ear. “Hey, Brian.”

“Hey Courtney,” he remarked. “You ready to go, big man?”

Michael darted past him and went into the yard and Brian laughed. “Okay, wait for me!” he called. He pulled the door shut behind him and Courtney sighed.

It wasn’t until a few minutes later that she realized he’d barely spoken to her and the thought depressed her a little.

+7

Chapter Five

Limousine

Sage Alcazar examined the polish of her freshly done nails. “Where are we going again?”

“Dinner,” her uncle remarked.

“Uh huh. With who?” she asked in a bored tone. She fished through her purse and removed her compact. She flipped it open and peered into the small mirror to check her makeup. She was planning on taking off after the food and tracking down the scrumptious Dillon.

“Sage.”

She knew that tone. Her father had had that tone. She snapped the compact shut and turned a bright smile on her uncle. “Come on, Uncle Zo. I appreciate the fact you’re trying to get in good with the woman but do I really have to be here?”

“She asked to meet you. Sage, Carly is very important to me. And she wants to…look, this is progress. She wants to be part of my life and since you are the only family I have, she wants to meet you.”

“You really like her don’t you?” Sage said quietly.

“Yes. So if you could maybe wait to showcase your usual sparkling personality for the next meeting?” he asked.

“Sure. If I can have a late curfew,” Sage negotiated. She grinned. “Come on, Uncle Zo. I have a date.”

“A date?” Lorenzo asked amused. “Does the boy know?”

“Not yet.”

Kelly’s

Elizabeth nodded. “Right, Dr. Meadows. Uh huh. I want to make an appointment for next week. Yeah…I’ve been reading the material you gave me. Will the father be there? Um…let’s just play that by ear okay?”

She hung it up after confirming the time and turned around to see a stricken Zander. “Elizabeth–”

“Hey, Zander, what’s wrong?” she asked, worried. She stepped forward. “Are you okay?”

“I…you’re pregnant,” he fumbled. She paled. “Elizabeth, I want you to know that no matter what–”

“Oh, Zander, no no…” She took a deep breath and shook her head. “You have nothing to worry about, I promise.”

He hesitated and remembered something she’d told him a few weeks ago. “Are you going to tell him?”

She frowned. “Tell who?”

He leaned forward and lowered his voice. “You know…Ric. You told me about that night at Jake’s when you two were–”

“Oh, God, no,” she felt her stomach lurch at the memory. “That was a big mistake. Huge. Enormous. Massive. And he doesn’t have anything to do with this.”

Zander raised his eyebrows. “What? Was it the immaculate conception or something?”

Elizabeth chewed on her lip. She knew she could trust Zander but she still wanted to keep this to herself–at least until Jason had a chance to tell Courtney. “Could you ask me that next week?”

“Yeah. Elizabeth, you and me…we’re friends right?” Zander told her. “You can trust me.”

“I know. But this news…someone else has to know before I can tell anyone else and even then…I want to keep it to myself for as long as possible.”

“That bad, huh?” Zander nodded. “Well, unless you could make my day and have it be Nikolas…” he trailed off with a fake hopeful look.

“Sorry. Maybe next time.” She tied her apron back on and fished out her order pad. “Did you want anything?”

“Actually, a cup of coffee would be good.”

Carly’s House

Sage wrinkled her nose at the plate of cheese pizza Carly placed in front of her. “Well, I hope you have other skills,” she muttered under her breath.

Lorenzo kicked her under the table and she glared at him. Carly flushed a little. “My…husband did the cooking,” she told her. She pressed her lips together firmly, determined not to let the girl’s obvious acidic attitude bother her. She was important to Lorenzo and Lorenzo was important to her. She frowned. Lorenzo was friend. There, that sounded better.

“So, where is your hus–OW!” Sage yelped. “Damn it, Uncle Zo.” She glared at him. “Will you quit it?”

“I’m sorry, Carly. Sage tends to come on strong.”

“She’s blunt,” Carly said dryly. “My husband is in jail for trying to kill your uncle and shooting me. Any other questions?”

“You got kids?” Sage asked. “Because I don’t do sisters.” She moved her legs out of the way before her uncle could give her shins another beating.

“I have two boys,” Carly said, ignoring the sisters comment. Because sisters would indicate that there something that was going to happen between herself and Lorenzo and right now, she couldn’t think about that. “Michael is almost seven and Morgan is…three weeks old.”

“Where are they? Are they ugly?” Sage inquired. She folded her legs underneath her as to completely escape a beating.

“They’re out of town with their aunt. We thought it might be a little tough on Michael with his father being on trial so we’re trying to spare him.”

“So a friend of mine told me that you couldn’t remember anything after your coma,” Sage said with a bright conversational tone.

Carly was now highly amused. This girl didn’t pull any punches and had an attitude to boot. She smiled. “Not exactly. I remember people, places, things but there’s no connection to them. It’s like…looking at pictures of other people’s lives.”

Sage nodded. “That’s gotta suck.” She chewed on a bite of pizza and drank some soda. “So–”

“Sage, why don’t you eat your dinner for a while?” Lorenzo said with a charming smile.

Sage rolled her eyes. “You know, for an international criminal, you’re awfully uptight,” she observed. She shifted her legs–they were starting to fall asleep underneath her. “I mean, it’s not like the woman doesn’t know you’re gone over her–OW! Son of a bitch,” she yelped. “Stop kicking me!”

Carly laughed then. “Lorenzo, don’t kick her anymore. She’s not bothering me. And it’s not like you haven’t told me how you feel.” She flushed and looked away.

Sage grinned. “Okay. I’ve passed the test. She likes me. Can I go stalk Dillon now?”

Carly raised an eyebrow and looked at him. “Stalk Dillon? As in Quartermaine? As in the boyfriend of the commissioner’s daughter?”

“It’s negotiable,” Sage sighed. “We’re at a deadlock though right now. I do not understand what men see in little whiny waifs. I mean, he could have a real women like me.”

“Sage,” Lorenzo warned. “How old are you again?”

“Seventeen,” Sage remarked without batting an eye. “And he’s eighteen. What’s the ish?”

“Some men like a girl they can take care of,” Carly confided. “One of my worst enemies ever was Robin Scorpio–the commissioner’s niece. You think Georgie is a whiny waif? She snorted. “You never met Saint Robin.”

Her eyes lit up and she looked at Lorenzo. “Oh my God. I just…wow, when I thought about Robin, I felt the irritation. I remember how much I hate her and…” she pressed a hand to her chest. “I can feel it.”

He reached over and squeezed her other hand. “That’s great. You’re starting to get it back.”

Sage nodded. “Right. Great. Can we get back to me? I wanna go.”

“Sure, go ahead. Just be back at the apartment by eleven.”

“Uncle Zo,” Sage whined.

“Midnight and no later,” Lorenzo relented. Sage jumped and hugged her uncle.

“Night. See ya, Carly, it was nice to meet you.” She was out the door before anyone could say anything.

Carly stood and started to clean the paper plates. “I’m sorry about the pizza. I tried to make pasta but I burned the sauce.”

Lorenzo followed her into the kitchen. “Carly, you didn’t have to do this at all. We could have gone out.”

She threw out the plates and set the glasses in the sink. “No, I–I wanted to do this. I met with Dr. Lewis today and we were talking about my life before Port Charles.” She turned around and leaned against the sink. “I used to be the equivalent of trailer trash,” she said without shame. “But I used to be able to take care of myself. I was never the world’s best cook but I could…I was independent. And Sage reminds me a lot of who I used to be.”

“Who you are now isn’t so bad either,” Lorenzo pointed out.

“No,” Carly allowed. “But who am I now is the estranged wife of a mob kingpin. I have a club I barely manage, a son that I let a nanny raise, another son I haven’t even seen…I don’t like my life, Lorenzo and I want to work on that before…” she took a deep breath. “Before I throw myself into anything new, you know?”

He nodded. “I’m not in any hurry, Carly.” He brushed her hair behind her, his fingers lingering on her shoulder, the touch sending tingles down her spine. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes–Marcella being the biggest one. And I’d like…I think I’d like a new start too.”

Carly smiled. “That sounds just fine to me.”

Kelly’s

“Excuse me–has Dillon Quartermaine been in here tonight?”

Elizabeth glanced up from the pot of coffee she was making to see a pretty brunette sitting at the counter. “Who’s asking?”

“Sage…Sage Alcazar,” the girl said. “Why?”

“He was in earlier with his girlfriend but he left about a half hour ago.” Elizabeth arched an eyebrow. “You’re Lorenzo Alcazar’s niece right?”

“Yes,” Sage remarked coolly. “And you are?”

“Elizabeth Lansing,” Elizabeth replied.

“Ah…the psycho’s ex-wife,” Sage nodded knowingly. “You still using his last name?”

“Only until the divorce is final.”

“Well, if Dillon comes in, let him know I was looking for him.”

“Yeah. Sure.”

Sage sauntered out and Elizabeth finished the coffee. The diner was empty but she was still an hour away from closing so she sat at the counter and pulled the pregnancy book from her apron.

A few minutes later, she heard the door swing open and she hastily shoved the book back in her apron. “What do you want?” she asked Ric.

“A cup of coffee.”

She rounded the counter and got it for him. “Here.”

“Elizabeth, you know I’ve been doing a good job as the ADA,” he began, taking a seat at the counter. She rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, so?”

“So…I’m changing. I’m reorganizing my life. And I’m serious. I want to make you a priority.”

She sighed. “Ric, we’re in the middle of the divorce. Just sign the papers and leave me alone.”

“Look, marriage is tough and a lot of couples have trouble in the first year–”

“A lot of new wives don’t find a woman chained to a wall inside a secret room,” Elizabeth observed. “A lot of wives don’t nearly die from a pulmonary embolism caused by an overdose of the birth control their husband is drugging them with so they don’t conceive. Tell me, Ric, is there something I’m missing here?”

She moved out from behind the counter and started to put chairs on top of tables.

“I’m not denying any of those things. What I did was unforgivable and I’m not asking to be forgiven, Elizabeth. I know better.” He caught her elbow. “You are the only person who’s ever loved me, Elizabeth.”

“Ric…” Elizabeth sighed.

“I just…I want a chance to prove to you how much I love you. How much I’ve changed. I know you still love me, Elizabeth. You’d wouldn’t have made love with me last month if you didn’t still feel the same way.”

“I told you. Love isn’t the problem. And that was a mistake,” she told him. “I was having a bad night and we’d both been drinking. It shouldn’t have happened.”

“Okay, so why can’t we just try and take this slow?” he asked her. He slid her hair away from her face. “I love you so much. I just…I want another chance.”

She could feel herself weakening so she took a step back. “Ric, you should go.”

He saw the book poking out from her apron and he reached for it. He recognized it–and his heart lifted when he realized he was right. His eyes lit up and he looked at her with a bright smile. “Elizabeth–you’re pregnant.”

She snatched the book back from him. “Leave now.”

He followed her across the room. “Why didn’t you say something? Elizabeth, this is what I’m talking about. We can be a family–we can have another chance–”

“Ric, just leave me alone, okay?” she demanded. She continued the process of closing the diner.

“Elizabeth, why are you pushing me away when you need me the most?” he demanded. “We’re having a baby–”

“I’m having a baby,” she said, knowing he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. “Please leave.”

He took her by the elbow. “This is my child, too–”

“Get your damn hands off of her.” Jason jerked Ric away and he was halfway across the room in a second. “You don’t put your hands on her.”

“Jason, I’m fine,” Elizabeth said, extremely glad to see him. “Really.”

“Jason, this isn’t any of your business,” Ric seethed. “This is between me and my wife.”

“I’m not your wife,” Elizabeth shot back. “This has nothing to do with you–”

“Elizabeth, you’re pregnant–you need me–”

“I don’t need anyone,” she retorted.

“You don’t get to decide this–that’s my child–”

“The hell it is!” Jason interrupted. He glared at Elizabeth and she just glared right back. “Why didn’t you just tell him?”

“Well, excuse me for not wanting to shout from the rooftops,” she said scathingly.

Ric frowned. “What in the hell is going on here?”

“Nothing,” Elizabeth said. “Just get out.”

“If you think you’re getting a divorce now, you’ve got another thing coming,” Ric challenged. “If you’re going to shut me out of this, I’m going to sue for full custody–”

“Good luck doing that when it’s my baby!” Jason shot back. Elizabeth gaped at him.

Ric blinked. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me. It’s not your kid, it’s mine.”

+11

Chapter Six

Kelly’s

Of all of the worst possible things Jason could have said at that moment, telling Ric the baby’s paternity was definitely at the top of the list.

Elizabeth could see the moment the truth sunk into Ric’s eyes. The bitter disappointment. And then the anger.

“You cheated on me?” he asked scathingly. He took a step towards her but Jason stepped in front of her.

“Back off.”

“We are separated, Ric, I can screw whoever I want!” Elizabeth shot back. “I notice our marriage vows didn’t exactly stop you from committing various felonies.”

“He’s only going to hurt you, Elizabeth, he doesn’t care about anyone but Sonny.”

“Funny, I thought that was you,” she tossed back. “Get out. We’re closed.”

“No–”

Jason grabbed Ric’s elbow and propelled him towards the door. With one swift move, Ric was thrown out and landed on his ass in the courtyard.

When Jason had shut and locked the front door, she slugged him in the arm. “What the hell is wrong with you?” she exploded.

He glared at her. “He was sitting here yelling at you and making demands and all you had to do was tell him the truth–”

“So he can go tell everyone what a home wrecking slut I am?” Elizabeth yelled. “Damn it, Jason, the first person he’s going to head for is Courtney.”

“He doesn’t know where she is and you’re not a slut or a home wrecker.” Jason dragged a hand through his hair. “Courtney and I were having a lot of problems. We were constantly fighting–”

“That’s no excuse. I wasn’t fighting with her and I knew you were engaged.” She put a hand on her hip and the other on her forehead. “God, how am I supposed to look people in the eye now? I was giving myself time–I wanted to tell people slowly, you know, but no, you obviously have no common sense!” she seethed. She smacked him in the arm again. “Ric is the worst person to have this kind of information.”

“Elizabeth, people were going to find out whether we tell them or Ric does,” Jason tried to assure her but she was already across the room, muttering.

“I have to call Emily–she’ll never forgive me for this, I swear. Oh, God and Lucky. And my grandmother–” she groaned. “God damn it, Jason.”

“I’m sorry,” he tried to apologize. “Maybe you should calm down a little. I don’t think stress–”

“Oh, don’t you tell me to calm down,” Elizabeth retorted. She snatched up the phone, glaring at him all the while. “Stupid jerk, getting all possessive.” She punched in a number and slapped the phone to her ear, still glaring at Jason. “Hey, Em? Call me when you get this message and do not, I repeat, do not talk to Ric. Just walk away when you see him, smack him, shoot him, I don’t care. Just don’t talk to him. I need to be the one to tell you, not him.”

She hung it up and started to dial another number but he took the phone from her grasp and hung it up. “Elizabeth, you’re overreacting.”

“Hardly,” she snorted. “Your sister happens to be friends with your wife or did you miss that? I just want to make sure the people in my life hear it from me and not my psychotic jealous husband, if that’s okay with you.” But she didn’t pick the phone up again.

“I’m not sure when I can tell Sonny,” Jason told her. “He’s getting together his defense and I don’t think this is something that I should…tell him right away.”

“Look, that…I understand that. I didn’t exactly expect you to run and tell anyone. It’s a little more tricky for you. I’ll just get a bad reputation, you might end up…” She broke off abruptly. “Anyway, I’ll just…I’ll tell Emily tomorrow and call my grandmother. That should take care of Ric’s targets.”

Docks

Fuming, Ric strode towards his apartment, his hands jammed in the pockets of his coat. He’d been making progress with her–he could sense it. That night at Jake’s, all of their subsequent meetings.

When the hell had she slept with Jason Morgan and more importantly, why?

Jason was married but it was common knowledge that Courtney was out of town and had been since Carly’s shooting. They hadn’t made a concentrated effort to find her because she hadn’t been a witness and she had no real testimony to offer.

But maybe it was time they found Sonny’s sister.

Haye’s Landing

“And then I fell into the snow but Brian picked me up and then I fell again but we finally got the sled all the way up the big hill and man, Aunt Courtney, we went so fast, all the snow and the trees were passing by in a huge blur–”

Courtney was only half listening to Michael as he chattered on and on about his afternoon of sledding. She hadn’t heard him this excited in a long time. He hadn’t had a lot to be happy about what with the kidnapping and all of the problems Sonny and Carly had been having.

She knew he liked the little town and so did she but she was going to tell Jason and Carly she wanted to come home. The longer she spent away from Jason, the more she thought about their problems and she didn’t want to concentrate on that anymore.

She didn’t want to see Brian Beck and have him make her feel all these strange feelings. She was a married woman and it was just…it was the distance that was making her feel this way. She knew Jason’s life–knew the limitations, knew that there were things she didn’t like but couldn’t change. She knew all of this.

So why was it bothering her now?

“Aunt Courtney, can Brian come to dinner before we leave?” Michael asked. He tugged on her shirt sleeve. “Aunt Courtney?”

“Sorry, Michael, what did you say?” Courtney asked. She folded her legs underneath her and twisted on the couch.

“I asked if Brian could come to dinner before we leave. I told him we was leaving on Friday and that I’d really miss him but then he said we’d be back and then I told him we were moving back home.” Michael shook his head. “He seemed kind of sad about that so I invited him to dinner and he said it was okay as long as it was okay with you.” He bounced up and down. “So is it okay?”

“Sure,” Courtney replied. She tousled his hair. “Now don’t you think it’s a little late for you to be up big guy?”

Michael yawned. “I am tired. I wanna go sledding again.” His face fell. “I probably won’t be able to go anymore, huh?”

“There are hills in Port Charles,” Courtney told him. “Jason can take you.”

Michael wrinkled his nose. “Jason’s busy all the time now.”

“But he’ll make time for you,” Courtney promised. She stood and tugged him off the couch. “Come on, we’ll check on your brother and then you can help me lock up for the night.”

“Because I’m the man of the house right?” Michael asked as he followed his aunt up the stairs.

“Right,” Courtney replied, amused. “Did Jason tell you that when he called earlier?”

“Nope. Brian told me. He said that I’m the man of the house and I have to protect you and Morgan because that’s when men do. They protect the people they love.” Michael threw his arms around his aunt unexpectedly. “I love you, Aunt Courtney.”

Courtney wrapped her arms around her nephew. “I love you, too, Michael.”

November 18, 2003

— Port Charles County Jail —

Carly twisted her hands nervously as she waited for a guard to bring Sonny into the room to see her.

She hadn’t seen him since that night and even that it was a blur. She’d been in the coma for almost a week and as far as she knew, Sonny had been arrested the night of the shooting and he’d been here ever since.

Except for that one phone call, there’d been no contact between them. She felt that she was ready to see him though. She’d made good progress this week with Cameron. He’d been amused that her first emotions were her irritation towards Robin Scorpio and he’d encouraged to her to meet with Sonny.

And now, here she sat. She heard some shuffling feet and then Sonny sat in front of her, in prison blues, his hands handcuffed.

She took a deep breath. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Sonny shifted. “You look…you look good.”

“I wish I could say the same.” Carly pushed her hair behind her ear. “The boys are coming into town tomorrow. I haven’t…I haven’t seen Morgan yet so I’m looking forward to that.”

“How…Jason mentioned you were seeing someone about…how is that going?” Sonny asked, slightly uncomfortable.

“It’s…it’s going okay. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, a lot of talking about who I used to be, who I am now and who I want to be.”

“Has Alcazar been bothering you?” Sonny demanded, sitting up straight. “Every time I try to ask Jason, he brushes me off–”

“Lorenzo is not bothering me. I…he’s a friend, Sonny. And he’s been good to me. I won’t–I won’t apologize for that.” She pressed a hand to her chest. “Sonny, I can’t keep living my life with your rules. Yes, he was your enemy but you left the business and Lorenzo…he’s not pushing for it. Jason supports me.”

“What is he to you?” Sonny demanded. “Why do you defend him so much?”

“I fight for the people I care about,” Carly replied. “That’s Jason, that’s the boys, that’s Courtney, that’s you and yes, that’s Lorenzo.”

“I thought you didn’t feel a connection to anyone,” Sonny accused. “What? You just magically got it back?”

Carly exhaled forcefully. “Sonny, I don’t wanna do this with you. I just…I want to make this right for everyone but I’m beginning to think that’s impossible. I am trying so hard not to hurt you, or hurt Lorenzo but I’m the one who needs to matter here. So, I am through protecting everyone.”

“Don’t you want to work this out?” he demanded. “We have a family, Carly–”

“You abandoned us,” Carly said flatly. “I don’t need my emotions to remember that. We were supposed to be a family but that didn’t matter to you. What? Now that I might not love you anymore, you suddenly want it back? Don’t insult me, Sonny.”

She stood. “I hope you get the help you’re looking for, because it’s glaringly obvious that I can’t provide it.” She yanked her coat on. “You don’t get to have it both ways.”

“Wait, Carly–” Sonny rose. “Just–I’m sorry–”

She ignored it and made her escape. Once she was outside the visitor’s room, she leaned against the wall and took in a deep shaky breath.

Carly squeezed her eyes shut against the onslaught of tears. She’d wanted to touch him for a moment–to see if maybe it would bring something back. But the longer she was numb towards him, the more and more she was beginning to think she didn’t want to bring it back.

Kelly’s

Emily shook her head. “I still can’t believe this, Elizabeth. This…it’s unreal.”

Elizabeth refilled Emily’s coffee and sighed. “You sure you’re not mad?”

Emily reached over and squeezed her hand. “You are my friend. Not Courtney. You are the one that I want to be okay with this. Am I disappointed in Jason? Yes. But I know part of him is happy to be having another child and I get to be happy for that part.”

“I just…I wish I knew what I was doing here. I’m waiting around for Jason to tell Courtney and part of me…I just feel so bad for her. I know it’s like to be the one who gets cheated on and it’s so much worse for her…I mean…they were engaged and now they’re married–”

“You know she can’t conceive right?” Emily asked, careful to keep her voice quiet. “Because of the miscarriage.”

“Yeah.” Elizabeth shifted uncomfortably. “Jason told me.”

“So…if she goes off on you, you might…just let her. She’s gonna be mad and she’s gonna pissed, but honey, she has a right to be, okay?”

“I know.”

“But I’m on your side and so will Nikolas and Lucky as soon as you tell them.”

“It’s not them I’m worried about. I haven’t…” Elizabeth hesitated. “I haven’t told my grandmother yet. I don’t know how. She’s going…she’s going to be really disappointed in me.”

“Aww, honey…” Emily sighed. “It’s going to be okay.”

“I somehow doubt that.”

Haye’s Landing

Michael tugged on Brian’s hand and pulled him inside the house. Brian hesitated just inside, his eyes taking in the various suitcases and boxes scattered around the living room.

“I thought it was a visit,” he said to Courtney who entered the living room through the kitchen.

“We…I’m tired of being away from home,” Courtney said faintly. “You made me realize that I’ve been doing too much for my sister-in-law and not for myself. Thank you.”

“Not exactly the reaction I was hoping for,” Brian said. He looked at Michael. “You excited about going home, big guy?”

“Yeah, I miss my mommy and my uncle Jason but I’m gonna miss you. I wish you lived in Port Charles,” Michael pouted. He pulled Brian over to the television that still had his Xbox hooked up to it. “Come play with me.”

“You can always come back to visit,” Brian told him. “I’m gonna miss you too.” He took the paddle Michael was offering him but looked at Courtney. “Do you need any help with dinner?”

Courtney shook her head. “It’s about done. I’m just going to go make sure Morgan’s still asleep and then we can eat so…don’t get too involved with the game.”

She moved past them and started up the stairs.

The game screen was just loading when someone knocked on the door. “You set the options, I’ll get it,” Brian told Michael. He stood and set the paddle down before crossing to the door.

A well-dressed dark-haired man was standing on the doorstep. He frowned at Brian. “Who are you?”

“I think that’s my line,” Brian remarked. “Michael, do you know this man?”

Michael scrambled to his feet and bounded over to Brian’s side. He immediately stepped behind him. “That’s Ric,” he said in a tiny voice.

Not liking Michael’s reaction, Brian scowled. “What are you doing here?”

“I need to speak with Courtney,” Ric remarked. “I’m Ric Lansing. Who are you?”

“Lansing, huh?” Brian nodded, having come across that name in his research. “What do you want with her?”

“It’s about her husband,” Ric replied. “Could you just get her?”

Not taking his eyes off Ric, Brian called. “Courtney, you better get down here.”

A few moments later, Courtney came down the steps and joined Brian at the door, her eyes immediately going flat. “Michael, go upstairs now.”

“But–”

“Go,” Courtney ordered. Michael reluctantly left the room and Ric waited until he heard a door shut upstairs.

“There’s something you need to know–”

“What the hell are you doing here and how did you find me?” Courtney demanded.

“Can I come in?” Ric asked.

She wouldn’t normally but Brian was here and reassured her. She stepped back. “Five minutes.”

“I had the pleasure of speaking with your husband Monday night,” Ric began. He slid his jacket off and folded it over his arm. “My wife was there as well.”

Courtney tensed at the idea, but took a deep breath. “They’re friends. Everyone knows that.”

“Friends don’t usually claim paternity of each other’s child either,” Ric said coolly.

Courtney blinked and swallowed hard. “What the hell does that mean?”

Ric snorted. “Do I really have to spell it out for you? It means that your wonderful loving and perfect husband slept with my wife and now she’s pregnant.”

+10

Song: Fairy Tales and Castles (Lifehouse)

Haye’s Landing

He says he looks in the mirror
And he can’t tell anymore
Who he really is and who they believe him to be

Courtney’s hands were shaking. She crossed them tightly over her chest in an attempt to hide it.

“Did you really drive all the way here to tell me some vicious lie?” she demanded harshly.

Ric shook his head. “You believe me. You know you do. I can see it in your eyes.”

Brian stepped in between them. “Okay. I think you’d better leave.”

“I don’t remember asking your opinion,” Ric replied coolly. “This is between me and her, so back away.”

And he says he walks a thin line
Between what is and what could be

“Why would you say something so horrible?” Courtney demanded. “Because you know I’ll just pick up the phone and call your wife. Why in the world would she take you back after spreading these lies?”

“Go ahead. Call her,” Ric taunted.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Her breathing hitched but she kept the panic hidden. “You’re working some angle here. I doubt you’d come all the way here and not get something out of it.”

“Oh, I’m getting something all right.” Ric stripped off his gloves and stepped towards her. “I’m getting the pleasure of telling Jason’s wife before he can.”

He’s getting closer
To something he can’t understand

Tears stung her eyes but she resolutely kept them from falling. This was a lie. This was a lie and she knew it. She knew Jason–and Elizabeth…as much as they didn’t get along, Elizabeth wouldn’t do this to her.

“You’re a twisted psychopath,” she spat out. “What? Elizabeth finally kick you to the curb for good and now you’re trying to destroy her life?”

“Oh, if only it were that simple,” Ric sighed.

Brian could see Courtney was slowly unraveling and decide it was time this conversation ended. “Okay, I think it’s time you left.”

Cause there’s a crack in his plastic crown
And his throne of ice is melting

“No,” Ric said firmly. He jabbed a finger at Courtney. “Not until she admits it’s true. Not until I know she believes it.”

“I love Jason–he’d never betray me like that,” she retorted. But her voice was unsure and she winced.

“She’s pregnant,” Ric taunted. “With the child you could never give him. I wouldn’t be surprised if he up and left you now. I mean– what would he want with you now that he’s got my wife?” A twisted smile crossed his lips. “After all, you and I both know he was with you because he couldn’t have her.”

He climbed his ladder
There was nothing there
And now it’s a long way down

“Jason loves me,” Courtney whispered. She looked away and both men knew she believed Ric’s words. From the news of the pregnancy to the accusation Jason had wanted Elizabeth all along–she believed them.

Brian grabbed Ric’s arm and shoved him towards the door. “Get out,” he snarled. He yanked the door open and threw the well-dressed lawyer out onto the snow-covered ground. “Get out of here–if I find you in this town again, I’ll have you arrested.”

He slammed the door shut and turned to see Courtney frozen in the same spot she’d been since Ric had entered. “Courtney–”

Cause on and on and on he goes
Dancing on the grave
Of what he thought was still alive, hey

“He’s right you know,” she said softly. “Part of me always knew it but I ignored it. Jason–he loves children. He’s so good with Michael and he deserves to have children and I can’t give him–”

“Hey, hey…” Brian gripped her shoulders and forced her to sit down. “If this is true…and I’m not saying it is…you not being able to have children…that doesn’t give him the right to break his vows. This isn’t your fault.”

“It’s not true.” Courtney shook her head–her eyes glazed. “It can’t be. I mean…he could have gone back to her if he wanted to. But he proposed to me…he married me.” She licked her lips and met his eyes. “That’s what really matters right?”

“Right,” Brian agreed, even though he had his doubts. He’d seen the way the news had slammed into Courtney–had seen the doubt in her eyes. She thought it was possible. She thought it was possible that her husband had gotten his ex-girlfriend pregnant.

On and on and on he goes
Dancing in mansions made of twigs
And castles made of sand

“What if…what if it is true?” she asked softly. “What if I go home tomorrow and I ask him and he says yes. Yes, he cheated on me and he slept with Elizabeth Webber and now she’s pregnant. What…what do I do then?”

“I really don’t think I can answer that,” he told her. He kneeled in front of her. “Courtney, none of this is your fault. And no matter what you choose to do…I’ll be here for you. You know that right?”

“Okay.” She cleared her throat. “I’m just…I’m not going to think about this. Why don’t…why don’t you go get Michael and I’ll finish dinner.”

“Courtney–”

“Please…I can’t deal with this right now.” She stood up and disappeared into the kitchen. She leaned against the door and slowly slid to the ground, tears soundless slipping down her cheeks.

November 21, 2003

Cameron’s Office

He says his head is filled with
Cartoons and fairy tales

“Do you think this means I’ll get more of my emotions back? Like I did with Robin?” Carly asked.

Cameron shrugged. “Difficult to tell. You’ve told me that the more time you spend around Jason, the more affection you feel. The stronger the friendship feels.”

Carly nodded. “I’m trying to be a good friend to him. You know, he’s been so supportive of me these last few weeks and he’s…” she hesitated. “He’s in a difficult place right now and I’m so worried about him.”

And he’s trapped inside a dungeon of dolls
With smiles on their faces

“What do you mean a difficult place?” Cameron asked. He set aside his notebook. “I only ask because I feel that Jason is your strongest connection to anyone–except for Lorenzo. You talk of Jason almost as often as Lorenzo and I think his life affects yours a great deal.”

Carly nodded. “He’s married to my sister-in-law Courtney. She’s in Haye’s Landing with my boys. She’s my best friend except I don’t…I feel more loyalty to Jason and I guess that’s normal since Jason’s been the best friend I’ve ever had and I’ve only known Courtney for about a year.”

“And is there a reason you feel the need to give him your loyalty over hers?”

He’s built a pretty cage
His shows on a beautiful stage
With candy coated prison bars
And chains that look like jewelry

Carly took a deep breath. “Because Jason cheated on her with his ex-girlfriend and now Elizabeth is pregnant.”

Cameron exhaled slowly. “Well. That certainly puts you in a rough place doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Carly sighed. “You have no idea. She’s gonna come to me looking for sympathy and support and I don’t know if I can give it…and mean it.”

Penthouse

Cause there’s a crack in his plastic crown
And his throne of ice is melting

Jason hung up the phone and rubbed his temples. Everything was closing in around him–he could feel it. Sonny’s trial would start in a week or so. Carly was spending a lot of time with Lorenzo Alcazar and while he’d never say it to her, that bothered him.

He had to deal with the warehouse and the rest of the business. Faith was forgetting her place–making deals on their piers, trying to use their network to move drugs.

And somehow in between all of that, he had to find a way to explain to his wife that his ex-girlfriend was pregnant with his child.

He climbed his ladder
There was nothing there
And now it’s a long way down

It felt like he couldn’t win. One thing after another in his life and all he really wanted was a few moments to himself when he could just…be.

He opened his desk drawer and pulled out the pregnancy book he’d found at the store the previous day. It was the match to Elizabeth’s and he felt almost guilty for having it in the penthouse where he lived with his wife.

He’d meant what he’d said. He wanted to be a father to his child–in every way possible.

But would Courtney let him? Was he ready to sacrifice his marriage for his child?

Studio

Cause on and on and on he goes
Dancing on the grave
Of what he thought was still alive, hey

Elizabeth stood outside the heavy steel door, exhausted after an early morning shift. She stared at the notice pinned to her door and only managed a sad sigh.

An eviction notice. Her building had been condemned.

“Guess being late on that rent isn’t going to matter,” she murmured. She fished her key out of her purse and slipped it into the lock.

She just couldn’t win.

On and on and on he goes
Dancing in mansions made of twigs
And castles made of sand

She dropped her things on the work table and collapsed onto the couch, pulling a blanket over her and curling into a ball. All she wanted to was sleep.

She’d deal with this later.

Haye’s Landing

Cause he lives inside
A fairy tale sand castle now

Brian loaded the last suitcase into the back of Courtney’s car. “Are you sure you want to take it all before…before you’re sure?” he asked.

Courtney shook her head. “It’s not true. Brian…you don’t know Jason. He wouldn’t do this to me. Ric’s lying. That’s what he does. He lies to everyone.”

“Courtney…” he sighed and looked away, his hands on his hips. “I just…I’m sorry that you even have to doubt him for a second. That’s not fair to you.”

“No,” Courtney agreed. “It’s not.”

And there’s room inside
For false expectations and illusions

She took a deep breath and looked towards the front of the car where Michael and Morgan were already belted into the backseat.

“I appreciate the way you’ve been…treating me,” she told him. “You’ve been a good friend and…you’ve been good to Michael. It means a lot to me and I wanted to thank you.”

“If you need me…I’m here.” He stepped towards her and kissed her on the cheek.

“Goodbye,” she said faintly.

Carly’s House

Cause there’s a crack in his plastic crown
And his throne of ice is melting

Jason sipped his beer and watched as Carly straightened one of the pillows on the couches. “It looks fine.”

“Yeah. I’m just…I’m nervous. I so want to look at my children and feel the love I remember.” She sat down and took a deep breath. “But if it doesn’t happen, I refuse to be disappointed. Cameron thinks I’m making good progress. We talked about my visit with Sonny, about the feelings about Robin…about you.”

He climbed his ladder
There was nothing there
And now it’s a long way down

“About me?” Jason echoed. “What about me?”

“We talked about how worried I am about you. I know…I know you’re telling her tonight,” Carly told him quietly.

“I have to. Elizabeth has a doctor appointment next week and I want…I want to be there.” He stood and shoved his hands in his pockets. “When I went to talk to her about all of this, she was reading a book about pregnancy and I bought the same one.”

“Oh…Jase…” Carly sighed.

Cause on and on and on he goes
Dancing on the grave
Of what he thought was still alive, hey

“I told her that I want to be there for her–throughout the pregnancy and afterwards. I want to be in the baby’s life. She’s worried about Courtney and I can understand that. Courtney’s going to be angry and she might…she might not want me to be as involved as I want to be.”

“And if that happens?” Carly prompts.

“I just have to know how far I’m going to go in order to do that. I made a mistake, Carly. It was a mistake and we both know that. But this child should not have to pay for that.”

On and on and on he goes
Dancing in mansions made of twigs
And castles made of sand

The door burst open then and an exuberant Michael flew over the doorstep and into his mother’s arms. “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!”

Carly squeezed him tight and closed her eyes. “Hey, baby.” Her fingers threaded through his shaggy red hair and tears sprang into her eyes.

“I missed you so much, Mommy. Are you feeling better?” Michael asked.

Carly pulled away and kissed his forehead. “So much better now that you’re here.”

Cause on and on and on he goes
Dancing on the grave
Of what he thought was still alive, hey

Jason stood as Courtney gingerly stepped over the doorstep, Morgan cradled in her arms. She managed a weak smile before handing the baby to his weeping mother.

Not even noticing Carly’s tearful reaction to her children, she stepped towards her husband. “I have to talk to you,” she said softly.

He nodded. “Yeah, I have to talk to you, too.” He pulled her into the kitchen.

On and on and on he goes
Dancing in mansions made of twigs
And castles made of sand

Carly cradled Morgan tightly, unable to stop the flow of tears streaming down her cheeks. There it was. She was so scared that it wouldn’t come back that she hadn’t really prepared herself for the possibility it would.

She loved her boys. Her sweet Michael, good-natured and well-adjusted despite his tough life. And her tiny little Morgan, with his cherubic face and tiny hands.

His hand wrapped around her pinky finger and his eyes opened–clear brown eyes so like his father’s. “Hey, it’s Mommy,” she whispered. “Mommy.”

Cause on and on and on he goes
Dancing on the grave
Of what he thought was still alive, hey

Courtney wrapped her arms around herself and stared out the back window. The drive had been long–both the boys had napped and she’d only had her thoughts to keep her company.

“Ric came to Haye’s Landing Wednesday night,” she said softly.

Jason froze–just as he was opening his mouth to tell her about Elizabeth. “What?”

On and on and on he goes
Dancing in mansions made of twigs
And castles made of sand

“I was making dinner for Michael and Brian Beck–you met him the one time you came to see us,” she continued in the same quiet tone. “Michael really likes Brian–he took him sledding and played video games with him.”

“Courtney, I–”

“Ric came to the door and I think he scared Michael a little because you know, he saw him kidnap Carly last summer. So I sent him upstairs and I told Ric he had five minutes and then he had to leave.”

Cause on and on and on he goes
Dancing on the grave
Of what he thought was still alive, hey

Courtney turned slowly. She wanted to look into his eyes when she said this. She wanted to see his immediate reaction.

She needed to know.

“And he told me that you had slept with Elizabeth and that she was pregnant.”

Oh, God. Oh, God. Her lower lip trembled and she saw the way he swallowed and looked away.

“It’s true, isn’t it?” she asked, almost inaudibly.

On and on and on he goes
Dancing in mansions made of twigs

“Yeah,” he said hoarsely. “It’s true.”

And castles made of sand

+9

Carly’s House

Michael curled up next to his mother and leaned his head against her shoulder. “I really missed you, Mommy. When can we come home?”

“Soon, honey. Daddy’s sick right now and it’s better if you’re away with Aunt Courtney so you don’t have to see that.” Carly shifted Morgan in her arms. “But I’m feeling much better now and I’m going to come to Haye’s Landing to visit you–”

“Aunt Courtney said we were coming home,” Michael told her. “She said she misses Uncle Jason.”

“Oh.” Carly wouldn’t begrudge her sister-in-law from being with her new husband but what with Carly knew Jason was telling her…she wasn’t so sure if that would work now.

The kitchen door flew open and Courtney rushed out. She was almost a blur as she rushed past them towards the door. Jason was hot on her heels.

“Courtney, just let me explain–”

She was already in the car and pulling out of the driveway by the time he reached her.

“I guess it didn’t go well.”

Jason turned to see Carly walking down the path towards him with Morgan securely in her arms.

“She already knew,” he said quietly. “The other night, I went to Kelly’s and Ric was harassing Elizabeth. He’d found out about the pregnancy and assumed the baby was his.”

“And you set him straight, I imagine,” Carly murmured. “And he tracked down Courtney and told her?”

“Damn it, Carly, what am I supposed to do now?” he demanded. “She’s taken off–I don’t know where she’s going and she has every right to just…” He looked away. “I asked her to marry me, to share my life with me and after everything we’ve been through, I sleep with Elizabeth and now she’s pregnant. What the hell was I thinking?”

“Come inside,” Carly said. “Say hello to Michael, have some dinner. She might come back and…maybe she just needs time to go through this. Work it out in her mind.”

“Yeah. Okay.” He sighed and followed her back into the house.

Studio

Elizabeth reached for the shrill ringing phone and put the receiver to her ear. “Hello?”

“It’s me,” Emily chirped. “I just got off the phone with Lucky. He’s trying to pin down next week’s dinner guests for his aunt. Luke’s even coming. Are you?”

“I don’t know yet,” Elizabeth sighed. She rolled onto her back and stared the ceiling. “So I got evicted today.”

After a moment of silence, Emily responded. “How’d you manage that?”

“The city condemned my building. I knew it was only a matter of time. I was already looking for a new place because…well, let’s face it, this place smells like turpentine and it’s always drafty. I can’t raise a baby here.”

Emily hesitated. “Jason would give you the money in a heartbeat.”

“I’m not going to use Jason. I got myself into this mess, I’ll get myself out of it. I’m the one who–who slept with an almost married man, my psycho ex-husband and one of my friends. I have been wracking my brains trying to figure out how to pay rent on a better place but the truth is, Em, I am barely making ends meet now.”

As if on cue, her lights flickered and then shut off completely.

“Perfect,” she muttered. “Correction, Em, I’m not making ends meet at all.”

“Honey, what happened?”

“My lights just went out. I haven’t…I didn’t pay my electric this month.” She sat up and started to cry. “I can’t do this, Emily. I c-can’t take care of a baby, I can’t even take care of myself–”

“Shit,” Emily took the phone from her ear and looked at Nikolas. “How soon can the launch get me to the mainland?” she asked.

“It’s down for the night. I can’t afford to keep the launch master on during the night. Why?”

“Okay, Elizabeth, honey, you can’t stay there tonight. You have to go to Lucky’s place or Bobbie’s.”

“I have to go…I can’t even remember if I paid my phone bill this month. I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” Elizabeth whispered brokenly. She hung up and hugged her knees to her chest.

Wyndemere

Nikolas came up behind Emily who was staring at the phone with tears in her eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“Elizabeth.” Emily looked at him. “I…I was going to tell you but I knew she wanted to keep it kind of low key for a while but she’s pregnant.”

“Pregnant,” Nikolas repeated. “I thought she and Ric–”

“It’s Jason’s baby,” Emily told him. She bit on her lip. “Her building just condemned and while we were talking, her electricity went out. She sounded so upset.”

“Whoa…Jason’s the father?” Nikolas asked. “That’s…wow. That’s a bad situation on many levels. Well…why doesn’t Jason help her with rent on a better place? Or at least her bills now?”

Emily sighed. “You know Elizabeth. She’s so independent–she’s paid for that studio all by herself for four years. Her salary at Kelly’s always took care of everything because…well she works double shifts, triple shifts…”

“But with all the medical bills and the lawyer’s fee with the divorce, she’s broke,” Nikolas concluded. “Well, she’s got to bend, Emily. If she’s pregnant, she can’t work those kind of hours and no one is going to hire her with her about to go on maternity leave.”

“Look, I can’t…she can’t be alone right now. I’m going to call Lucky to go…pick her up and force her to stay with him. If he has to arrest her, I don’t care. She can’t be alone.” She snatched the phone up but Nikolas stopped her.

“Call Jason,” he advised. “She needs his help and honestly, Em, he’s the one that got her in this position in the first place.”

“It takes two,” Emily reminded him.

“And she needs him. Look, I know he would at least want to know that the mother of his child is currently residing in a studio apartment with no heat or electricity. If Jason is anything like the man I think he is…he won’t need to be told to go to her.”

She sighed. “You’re right. I’ll call him.”

Carly’s House

“Are we sleeping here tonight?” Michael asked, handing his mother his plate so she could put it in the dishwasher.

“Yep. You still have clothes here from when we first moved in.” She smoothed his hair away from his face. “Maybe we can even make this a permanent gig after all. What do you think?”

His eyes lit up. “Yeah! I want to come home!” He wrapped his arms around his mother’s waist. “I miss you so much, Mommy.”

“I’ve missed you, too baby.” She met Jason’s eyes in the doorway. “Why don’t you go and put Morgan down for sleep while Michael and I get all caught up?”

“Sure.” Jason lifted Morgan into his arms and carefully made his way up the stairs. The baby was so tiny, tinier than Michael had been.

In a few months, he’d be holding his own child. As he entered the nursery, he wondered for the first time what the baby would look like. More like Elizabeth? Like him?

Morgan barely woke up as Jason put him to sleep and no sooner was the baby out of his arms than his cell phone rang. He ducked into the hallway so the baby wouldn’t be disturbed.

“Hello?”

“Jason?” Emily said hesitantly. “We have a problem.”

Haye’s Landing

Brian pulled his car to a stop and frowned when he noticed lights on in the house. Courtney and the kids had left only hours ago and he hadn’t been expecting them to come back.

He parked the car and went up the walkway, noting her car had returned to its normal place in the driveway.

He got a sick feeling in his stomach, knowing she was going to confront her husband as soon as he got home.

The door was slightly ajar and Brian pushed it open to see Courtney curled up on the couch.

“Hey.”

She looked over at him, her eyes wet and swollen. “It’s true,” she whispered. “She’s pregnant.”

He closed the door quickly and went to her side. “Jesus, I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry…I know I said I wouldn’t be back…b-but I-I didn’t have anywhere to go.”

“C’mere,” he tugged her into his arms and tucked her head under his chin. “I told you that I’d be here if you needed me.”

“How could he do this to me?” she said softly. “I…I gave up so much to be with him. I knew what people were saying behind my back–because of the way my last marriage ended. But I loved him. I…” her voice broke and she started to cry harder.

He smoothed his hand up and down her back. “I’m so sorry, Courtney.”

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do,” she sniffled. “Carly is obviously on his side. He’s got this whole supportive family with his sister and her boyfriend. I don’t…I don’t have anyone.”

“You have me,” Brian told her. “You’ll always have me.”

Studio

Elizabeth stared into the darkness and studiously ignored the knocks on her door. She knew it was Jason and she’d ream Emily out tomorrow for calling him.

She didn’t need him. She didn’t need anyone.

The knocks stopped and Elizabeth sighed, grateful that he’d given up. But just as soon as she’d decided that, the door swung up and he stood, sliding his lock picking tools into his coat pocket.

“She shouldn’t have called you,” Elizabeth murmured.

Jason sighed and closed the door behind him. It was pitch black in the studio but he managed to feel his way to the couch and sit next to her. “You can’t really think you can stay here tonight.”

“This is my home,” she replied. “Of course I’m staying here.” She tugged a folded comforter from the back of the couch and wrapped it around her.

He took a deep breath. “You were right…about Ric. He went straight for Courtney.”

He could feel her eyes on him. “She knows?”

“She came home with the boys tonight and told me that Ric had been by to tell her. I don’t think she wanted to believe it but…I told her and then she ran from the house. She’s gone, I think she went back to Haye’s Landing.”

“I’m so sorry,” Elizabeth sighed. Her eyes burned with tears. “We’ve really made a mess of this haven’t we?”

“Yeah,” he paused, “but Elizabeth…I’m serious. It’s almost December, it’s freezing in here, there’s no electricity. Let me do something. Let me help.”

“This isn’t your problem,” Elizabeth replied stubbornly.

“Even if you weren’t pregnant, I would want to help you. But the fact remains is that you are pregnant and this is not a good environment–”

“You think I don’t know that?” she demanded scathingly. “I’m the one who has to live like this–I’m the one who blew her savings by going back to school last year. If I hadn’t done that, I’d be fine.”

“But you have your degree now,” Jason argued.

“What the hell does that matter?” she retorted. “I’m still a waitress at Kelly’s.” She blew out a large exasperated breath. “I can’t get a better job–with the baby, I won’t even be able to work.” The tears slid down her cheek, little paths of warmth on her icy skin. “I can’t do this Jason, I can’t.”

“Not alone,” he agreed. He took her hands in his and swore–they were ice cold. “Elizabeth, you can do this–you are strong and I know you’re capable of making it. But you’re not just taking care of yourself now. The baby needs you to take care of yourself and you can’t do that by sitting alone in a cold dark studio.”

Elizabeth pulled her hands from his and wiped her eyes with the corner of the comforter. “You’re right. Of course you’re right. What do you want me to do?”

“For starters…I want you to…” he hesitated. He couldn’t take her back to the penthouse, that would be wrong a few different levels. Carly. He could take her there. “We’re going to go to Carly’s for the night. We can talk about everything else tomorrow.”

Carly’s House

Carly shut her bedroom door and moved towards the phone on her nightstand.

She dialed the now familiar number and waited for him to answer.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s me,” Carly said. “You’ll never believe what just happened to me.”

Lorenzo leaned back on his couch and smiled widely. “Hey, Carly. How’s the visit with the boys?”

“Amazing, incredible–I remember!” she declared. She sat down on the bed. “I have such a huge smile on my face, it’s just…Michael ran into my arms and I was just hit with this huge emotion. I love him so much, Lorenzo, he’s my little boy.”

While the news made her ecstatic, Lorenzo wasn’t as happy. Not that he was begrudging Carly’s boys anything. He was happy she remembered that particular emotion but it was plain to see that it was coming back to her. She’d remembered Jason’s friendship, her hatred for Robin Scorpio, her love for her boys.

All the remained essentially was her love for Sonny. He couldn’t compete against that and he knew that.

“I’m delighted, that means they’re coming home doesn’t it?” Lorenzo replied.

Carly nodded. “I was going to have them go back because of Sonny’s trial but I can’t bear to let them go. Besides, Courtney–she needs to be in Port Charles. She and Jason are going through this thing a-and I can’t ask her to keep putting her life on hold like this.”

“You need your family around you right now–with Sonny’s trial starting next week. That’s going to be a tough time for you even without those feelings.”

Carly bit her lip. “I thought…aren’t you going to be there with me?” she asked softly.

Lorenzo hesitated. “I have some business in Central America that came up. I was going to call you tomorrow to let you know that.”

“Oh. Well…that’s okay. I mean…I don’t know what I was thinking…you’ve got more important things than going with me to my estranged husband’s trial.” Feeling really stupid, she sighed. “I probably interrupted something so I’m going to just say goodbye–”

“Carly.”

“What?”

“I’m glad you called,” he told her sincerely. “I’ve even more glad that you remember your love for the boys. I care about you and them and you are important to me. Nothing short of an emergency would tear me away at a time like this,” he assured her.

Her spirits picked up considerably, she smiled. “Is Sage going with you?”

“Normally, she wouldn’t but I don’t trust her here by herself.”

“Why doesn’t she stay with me?” Carly blurted out.

Lorenzo paused and she could hear the amusement in his voice. “Are you really serious?”

“Sure. I…I like her, I do. And I think we understand each other.” Carly curled her legs underneath her. “I could use the company.”

“What about Courtney?” Lorenzo asked.

Carly sighed. “She’s upset about this thing with Jason and I think she’s going to see me as on his side so things aren’t going to be the same between us.” She laughed a little bitterly. “Not that they’re any good now.”

“Carly…I’m sorry. I know how much she means to you.”

“Well…at least one of us does,” Carly remarked a little sadly. She glanced at the clock. “I should…I should go. Morgan probably doesn’t sleep through the night yet and I’m going to need all the rest I can get this weekend.”

“If you were really serious about Sage, I’ll talk to her about it,” Lorenzo told her.

“I am,” Carly assured him. “I’ll…talk to you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, Carly.”

“Goodnight, Lorenzo.”

+7

Carly’s House

She’d just finished showering and changing for bed when she heard a hesitant knock on her bedroom door.

Assuming it was Michael, she got into bed and pulled the comforter over her legs. “Come in.”

Jason pushed the door open. “Hey…sorry to bother you so late.”

Carly sat up. “No, it’s okay. What’s wrong? Where did you go earlier? Was it about Courtney?”

Jason sat down on the edge of her bed. “I don’t ask you for a lot of things, you know and I know you don’t get along with her–or at least you didn’t but I really need to ask you a favor.”

“Oh, it’s about Elizabeth. What do you need?”

“I got a call from Emily who had just talked to Elizabeth. Apparently, her building was condemned and her electricity went out. The heat’s never really worked correctly in her apartment so she can’t stay there tonight.”

“And for obvious reasons, she can’t go to the penthouse.” Carly folded her hands in her lap. “She’s downstairs isn’t she?”

“It’s just temporary,” Jason assured her. “It’s almost December and I just…I couldn’t leave her there.”

“Of course not. But surely, there’s other people she could go to. Emily, Nikolas, or Lucky…Jason, if you want to work this out with Courtney, you can’t go running to Elizabeth’s rescue all the time.”

“What am I supposed to do?” Jason demanded. “Leave her in a freezing studio? Emily and Nikolas are on the island with no way to get to the mainland at night and Lucky’s on night patrol. I already covered this with Emily.” He stood. “I had to argue with her just to accept my help. I thought I could come to you for help, but I guess I was wrong. I’ll just take her to a hotel.”

“Jason, wait, I didn’t say she couldn’t stay,” Carly argued. She swung her legs to the floor and stood. “I’m just asking you to be realistic. Your marriage is in serious trouble and if you want to make it work, you cannot go running to help Elizabeth every time she needs you–”

“She’s pregnant, Carly. We slept together and now she’s the one who’s got to deal with it. She’s the one whose entire life has to change–who has to face this hypocritical town. You of all people should know what she’s going through. Of course I’m going to be there when Elizabeth needs me. Because not only is she the mother of my child, but she’s my friend and that’s what friends do, Carly. They help each other out.”

“Look, she can stay in the guest room,” Carly sighed. “I just don’t think you’re thinking of Courtney’s feelings.” She frowned and pressed a hand to her chest much like she’d done the night she’d remembered her hatred for Robin. “She must be devastated and you didn’t even try to find her. You just ran to Elizabeth like you always did, completely disregarding your own wife.”

Jason narrowed his eyes. “You told me to give her time. You told me that she needed to work it out. What’s changed?”

“She loves you so much,” Carly argued, ignoring his question. “And what kind of sister-in-law would I be if I let the woman who’s wrecking her marriage stay in my home?”

“I guess you’re beginning to feel your connection to Courtney,” Jason said stiffly. “This was a mistake. I should have just taken her to a hotel.”

“Jason, I’m sorry–I want to support you but I did just…it’s coming back now,” Carly told him, tears in her eyes. “I can feel it and I refuse to ignore it. Things are coming back so fast for me I can hardly breathe. I remembered Robin, the boys, Courtney and I think some of the irritation I’ve always felt towards Elizabeth is coming back. Maybe I’m not being a really good friend to you right now but I can’t help it. I have to put myself first for once. I am through putting Sonny and you first. No, she can’t stay here.”

He exhaled slowly. “You’ve never put me first, Carly,” he said quietly. “You put Sonny first. You put Courtney and the kids first. But you have never put me first.”

“Jason, that’s just not true–”

“I have stood by you throughout our entire friendship–even when I knew I should turn you away. Even when I knew all you’d do is hurt me.” Jason put his hands on his waist and looked down. “You’ve screwed over just about everyone in your life at one time or another Carly, I think I’m just one of your favorite targets.”

Tears were sliding down her cheeks rapidly and she reached for him. “Jason, I love you. You’re my best friend–I don’t know who I am if you’re not in my life–”

“I have to go. It’s late and if I want to get a room for her at any hotel, I have to go now.”

He turned and walked out of her bedroom door without once looking back. “Jason!” she called. “Jason, please!”

Downstairs

Elizabeth was standing at the door when he came down the steps. She’d heard most of the argument upstairs and she felt just sick for him–Carly had shown her true colors once again and not for the first time, she wondered how Jason could put up with her.

She was destroying his life, Elizabeth realized as she watched Jason come towards her. Not Carly, but her. Telling him the truth about the baby had probably destroyed his marriage but apparently was causing strain in his other friendships.

The last thing she wanted to do was hurt him but how could she really fix this? How could she go back in time and make this right?

“I think we could probably still get you a room at the PC Hotel,” Jason told her, pulling the front door open.

“I’m sorry,” she told him as she followed him out the door to where his bike was parked in the driveway. “I heard parts of…what happened upstairs.”

Jason shook his head and fished out his car keys. “It’s just Carly being Carly. I thought…since she couldn’t feel the same about Courtney or you…that this would work but I was wrong.”

“But it’s good that she’s remembering,” Elizabeth tried to tell him. “I remember when Lucky was trying so hard to remember his love for me…how just…sad it was looking into his eyes and not seeing it anymore.”

He handed her a helmet. “Lucky and Carly’s situations are completely different. Carly couldn’t remember anyone and all Lucky didn’t remember was…” he trailed off, not wanting to bring it up further.

“Lucky just didn’t remember me,” Elizabeth finished. “That doesn’t make it any less painful for the people involved.” She tugged the helmet over her head and slid onto the back of the back. “I’m sure Carly didn’t mean to hurt you–it must be so confusing when emotions just swamp you suddenly.”

“Yeah.” He said nothing more and just started the bike. She wrapped her arms around his waist.

She’d made her decision. She knew what she had to do now.

— Port Charles Hotel —

Jason set her bag just inside the door. “Until we figure out what’s next, you can just stay here. I’m going to set you up with that night guard we talked about.”

Elizabeth sighed and pushed the heavy curtains back to see the view of the harbor. “I can’t do this anymore,” she said quietly.

He frowned and stepped towards her. “What are you talking about?”

She took a deep breath. “I mean, I can’t keep…keep lying.”

Jason frowned. “Who’re you lying to?”

“You.” She wouldn’t look at him–couldn’t do this if she were looking at him. All she had to do was tell him that she’d lied, he’d go back to his marriage because surely Courtney would forgive him if she weren’t pregnant. And Elizabeth would…she’d figure out something.

She always did.

“I lied,” Elizabeth said firmly. She cleared her throat. “I told you the baby was yours because that’s what I wanted it to be.”

His throat dry all of sudden. Very dry. He almost couldn’t breathe. “Excuse me?”

“It was stupid a-a-and it was wrong. But I knew you’d be the best father. But I can’t keep lying anymore. It’s…too much.” She blinked back tears. This was the right decision.

“You wouldn’t do that,” Jason said quietly. “You wouldn’t tell me something like that and not mean it. You wouldn’t lie about something like that.”

“I’m not perfect, Jason. I just…I wanted to create a good life for my child and I really thought I could do it. But it’s…too much. It’s costing you too much and it’s costing me. I’m sorry, Jason.”

She was lying. He knew her well enough to recognize that. It was in her tense shoulders–the ways she refused to look at him. The baby was his–he was sure of that. She’d never deliberately lie about this. Not when it would be too easy to prove.

So it just left him to wonder what her motivations were for actually trying this. Was she trying to pull away from the life again? Or was she trying to protect him after hearing about Courtney’s reaction and overhearing his argument with Carly?

“Elizabeth, I know what you’re trying to do and it won’t work. If you’re going to continue to deny this, then we’ll just have to get a paternity test,” Jason told her firmly. “You can do those during pregnancy now.”

“Jason, come on…” she turned suddenly, her eyes red and swollen, her cheeks stained with tears. “I’m giving you an out here. Take it.”

“I won’t,” he refused. “I won’t be a coward and walk away from you and the baby just because it’s causing problems in my life. Carly and I will work it out. We always do. And Courtney and I…you don’t have to worry about that.”

“Yes, I do,” she sighed. “Jason…I lied to you. That’s the end of it! Why can’t you just take it for what it’s worth and go?” she demanded.

“Because the only lie I’m hearing is the one you’re telling me right now.” He stepped towards her. “Elizabeth, you can’t…you can’t take this away from me. Not when I’ve gotten used to the idea of being a father again–of having a child that no one can take from me.”

She sank onto the nearby sofa and put her head in her hands. “I’m sorry, Jason. I’m just trying to do the right thing.”

He kneeled in front of her. “I know. I know you are but the only person you can do right by is yourself.”

“I can’t stay here forever. And once I scale back my shifts at Kelly’s…I won’t be able to meet even half the rent on a good enough apartment. And when I have to stop working–”

“We don’t have to think about any of that right now,” Jason told her. “Just…for once…let me take care of this.”

“I don’t like depending on people,” she told him. “I learned the hard way not to do that so I’m sorry if I seem stubborn sometimes.”

He stood. “I should get going. I have to be at the warehouse early. If you need anything, you’ve got my number right?”

“Yeah. I have a shift at Kelly’s anyway. Thanks, Jason. I’m sorry…about before.”

He shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. I know what you were trying to do and I even appreciate it. I’ll stop by after your shift tomorrow and we can try and talk about this.”

She nodded. “Okay.”

November 22, 2003

Haye’s Landing

Brian set a coffee cup in front of her and then sat down at the adjacent seat at the kitchen table. “Are you sure you don’t want something to eat?”

Courtney shook her head. “I don’t think I’d be able to keep it down.” She rubbed her forehead. “I just took off when he told me. I have the kids’ luggage still in my car for Christ’s sake. I just couldn’t deal with it.”

“You will have to…deal with it, that is,” Brian told her. “I mean, I don’t mind having you here. You’re a good tenant and all, but you can’t hide here forever.”

“I thought I might call Carly. Just to gauge the situation. He didn’t even come after me.” She bit her lip. “I want to know if he did it before the wedding.”

“What can that possibly matter?” Brian questioned. “Either way, he cheated on you.”

“Yes, but if he slept with her and then took his vows…it means he kind of chose me,” Courtney said, “and maybe then we could work through this–”

“Don’t. Don’t do that. Don’t make this okay for him just because he went back to you,” Brian argued immediately. “That’s what cheaters do. They go back to the relationship. But he did it once. He’ll do it again.”

“I just wish…I wish it had been anyone but Elizabeth. I might have understood someone else. We were having a lot of problems this fall and late summer…if it’d been some nameless woman in a bar…I could have dealt with it.”

“But it wasn’t. It was a woman that you’ve said yourself–he loved her once. And just because you were having problems–that doesn’t give him an excuse. Did he ever cheat on Elizabeth?”

“No. Not that I’m aware of,” Courtney murmured. “They have this huge history, Brian. A very long one, a very close one. She saved his life once. More than once. They’ve known each other since she was at least fifteen. She’s his little sister’s best friend. How can I possibly compete with something like that?”

“You shouldn’t have to. Okay, long history for them. Doesn’t matter. He proposed to you. He married you. He didn’t marry her so he doesn’t get an out because they were together for a long time.”

“No, they were actually together for a very short time,” Courtney protested. “He was in love with her for three years. He says he wasn’t but I know. I saw him that summer. She was kidnapped and I don’t think he ate or slept the whole time she was gone. She was shot–grazed really in the arm–and he freaked out so bad he tried to push her away. You didn’t see him, Brian. He practically pined after her that summer and I’m sure it started longer before that.”

“Still doesn’t matter,” Brian said, shaking his head. “Stop trying to give yourself excuses to forgive him. Work it out, get past it but don’t let him think for one minute it’s okay because he slept with an old girlfriend.”

“I just…I don’t know I’m supposed to handle this,” she said softly. “I mean…is there some kind of code or plan one has to follow? I mean…he didn’t just cheat on me…she’s pregnant and Jason…he’s not someone who runs from confrontations or mistakes. He’ll be a father to that child and I don’t know if I can handle that.”

“The beauty of the situation is that you don’t have to,” Brian replied. “You have the control in this right now.”

“But I love him, Brian. And he’s talked a little about the pain he felt when he lost custody of Michael–he raised him for the first year of his life, did I tell you that?”

Brian shook his head. “No. Is he Jason’s son?”

“No, he’s actually AJ’s son but Sonny adopted him. Anyway, I wasn’t in Port Charles when he lost custody, but it’s still such a painful subject for him. How can I tell him that he has to walk away from his own child just because he cheated on me?”

He stared at her. “Courtney, you’ve got to be kidding me. He cheated on you. So what if the girl’s pregnant? That does not negate what he did to you.”

“I just…” She ran her hands through her hair. “The reason I wanted to go home–the real reason–was because this life was becoming something I wanted and I needed to get away from that.”

Brian frowned and leaned forward. “What do you mean by that?”

“I mean, that living in Haye’s Landing, in this house…being around you…it was starting to sound good to me and I just couldn’t deal with that.” She sipped her now lukewarm coffee. “I live in a bullet proof penthouse in Port Charles. Most of the time, I get driven around by a guard whose name I don’t know and I can’t go out unless I tell at least three different people where I’m going.”

“Sounds restrictive,” Brian said.

“The other day when I was getting Michael ready to go sledding, I told him you were a cop and he was disappointed.” Courtney shook her head. “Most kids would that thought that was cool but he’s been brought up not to trust the police. I mean…can you believe that?”

“Well…with the line of work your brother and husband are in…trusting the police is probably but a good thing.”

“But Michael’s just a little boy, Brian. He’s not part of that life and he deserves to have a normal childhood.”

“It sounds like it’s not a life you’re happy in,” he said.

She hesitated. “It’s not that I’m not happy. I love my brother and Carly and god, of course I love Jason. I just wish…” She chewed on her lip. “I wish they were just coffee importers.”

“Maybe you just need some more time,” Brian told her. “You don’t need to figure it out right this minute.”

“I just…I need to ask him why. I have to know why. If I know why, then I can go from there. I have to know.”

“Then ask him.”

Warehouse

Carly knocked hesitantly on Jason’s ajar office door. He glanced up and sighed. “What is it, Carly?”

She entered and shut it behind her. “I came to apologize for last night. I…the emotions about Courtney and Elizabeth came back so quickly–so unexpectedly, they were just swirling around in my head and I couldn’t think.”

He nodded. “Fine. Is that it?”

“No, it’s not it,” Carly argued. She sat down. “Look…you were right. I don’t put you first and I’m going to try to be a better friend. You don’t ask me for favors and last night you did and I wish I’d been in a better frame of mind but Jason, you have to realize the position you were putting me in. Courtney is my sister-in-law and my best friend. Even without the connection, she feels that way about me and I am trying so hard not to hurt anyone. How could I agree to let Elizabeth stay there?”

“It doesn’t matter. I took her to a hotel.” Jason shoved some files aside and sighed. “She overheard the argument and she already knew Courtney’s reaction. I guess she felt guilty because the next thing I know, she’s telling me that she lied to me about the baby.”

Carly frowned. “What?”

“She was lying then of course. Not about me being the father but about me not being the father. It is my child, Carly, but she felt so guilty about what I was going through, she tried to give me an out. So I want you to know that. Just because you don’t like her, I’m not going to hide my friendship with her. I don’t argue with you about Alcazar, don’t argue with me on this. Just…be my friend for once and not Courtney’s sister-in-law.”

“Okay, okay. I just…I feel sorry for Courtney. Because I know what she’s going through a little. After I saw Sonny kiss Brenda last winter–” Carly broke off abruptly and frowned. “I was devastated,” she said softly. “I thought…I thought he was going to leave me for her–and from the moment I found out she was alive, I thought that’s what he’d do. I mean…Brenda…she was so important to him–so much of his life…how could I ever compete with that?”

“Carly?” Jason frowned. “Are…are you remembering Sonny?”

Carly looked at him, her eyes wide in her face. “Yeah. I-I think I am.”

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