And I can’t see that thief that lives inside of your head
But I can be some courage at the side of your bed
And I don’t know what’s happening and I can’t pretend
It’s a long, long get away, it’s a long, long get away
Make it home again, make it home again
It’s a long, long get away, it’s a long, long get away
– Thief, Our Lady Peace

---

Tuesday, May 9, 2000

Spencer House: Living Room

Laura enveloped her into a tight hug, then stepped back to let Elizabeth get all the way into the house. “I didn’t mean to jump you as soon as you came in.”

“It’s okay. I missed you, too.” Elizabeth followed Laura into the kitchen. “Thank you so much for taking care of Gatsby.”

“It’s no trouble. Lulu’s been asking for a pet,” Laura added, “so this has been good practice. Do you want some tea or something else to drink?”

“Water is fine.” Elizabeth checked her watch. Jason hadn’t called her back last night, and he hadn’t picked up again this morning. She told herself it wasn’t a big deal. There was a three-hour time difference, and maybe the message hadn’t saved. Or something had happened to the phone. Maybe Jason didn’t even know—

If she didn’t hear from him today, she could always call the hotel—

“You all right?” Laura set a glass down and took a seat at the table. “You look a million miles away. Or maybe just three thousand?”

“Jason—we can’t seem to connect—by phone, I mean. He wanted me to call him last night, but it went to voicemail, and I still haven’t heard from him.”

“Oh, well, that could be a thousand things,” Laura said, squeezing her hand. “I’m sure it’s all right.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Your last few phone calls seemed happier,” Laura said. “You and Jason are on the same page now?”

“It was hard at first. Awkward, which you know—I was so scared and unsure of myself before we went out there, and then things were weird and strained for a while, but then Jason and I—we just found our old rhythm again. A better one,” Elizabeth corrected. “We made plans. Talked about the future. He bought a pregnancy book. I think he’s read more than I have.”

“I’m so glad.”  Laura paused. “You won’t have to worry about Nikolas,” she told Elizabeth. “He and I had a pretty bad argument after the scene he made—”

“I can’t believe—I don’t even know how he found out,” Elizabeth said. “Emily said he was angry because we were all lying to him.” She bit her lip. “I didn’t really want to get into it, but we had a huge fight in January. Like massive. He said some really cruel things, so I told him then I was done. I wanted to be civil for you and for Emily—” She sighed.

“He’s having a very hard time letting Lucky go,” Laura said. She sipped her tea. “They only had each other for a few months, so I think that’s made it even more difficult. When you factor in Katherine, I can certainly understand some of what he’s feeling, but to take it out on you the way he has—”

“He told me in November that he had feelings for me,” Elizabeth confessed. “He tried to kiss me, but I had to—I had to turn him down. I told him I wasn’t—I wasn’t ready. I wanted to let him down easy, Laura. I didn’t want him to feel bad.”

“Oh, honey—”

“But I guess he decided I was lying after he found Jason at my place — and maybe he overheard us talking that night at dinner.” She looked towards the door, then back at Laura. “He’s your son. I don’t want to make things hard for you—”

“You are part of my family, too. He just feels like I’ve picked you, and maybe he’s right.” Laura sat back. “It’s always been hard to connect with him. He’s never let me in. I can’t blame him for that, but—” She shook her head. “Either way, that isn’t your problem. Stefan called me yesterday — he suggested Nikolas go to Greece for a few months,” Laura continued. “To clear his head a bit.”

“Maybe being away from everything will help. I hope it does. And on that subject, Jason and I are staying in Portland for a while.”

“Oh?” Laura raised a brow. “But—”

“Jason needs more time before he comes back, and I need to get back to work. Plus, I need to think about prenatal care, so it just makes sense to put down some roots.” She hesitated. “So I actually need to know if you’ll keep Gatsby.”

“Of course. Lu adores him—” Laura forced herself to smile. “I’m happy you and Jason are on the same page, though I’ll miss you.”

“I hope you’ll come visit,” Elizabeth asked hesitantly. “You and Emily and Bobbie. And we’re going to make sure we come to see Lila, though we’ll have to do that under the radar. But I don’t…I don’t want to lose anyone I’ve found here. I just…I need to do this for a little while.”

“Of course,” Laura squeezed Elizabeth’s hand. “But when the baby comes, don’t hesitate to ask for help. You’ll both be tired. You know Bobbie and I will jump at the chance to fly out and give you a week or two every few months.”

“It’s not permanent,” Elizabeth said with a shake of her head. “It’s just—”

“It’s okay. Whatever you and Jason choose will be right for you.”

“Thank you.” Elizabeth smiled, then looked at her watch again. “I should get back to the house. Emily’s coming by, and I want to check my messages.”

“Call me if you need anything.” Laura hugged her tightly. “I’m so glad it all worked out.”

“So am I.”

Hardy House: Living Room

Elizabeth frowned at the answering machine. No messages. She’d left Portland twenty-four hours ago. How could there be nothing—She picked it up and dialed into the machine at the studio, but there weren’t any messages from Jason there either.

She held the phone to her chest for a long moment, jolting when the dial tone started to echo.

“Hey—” Emily knocked as she opened the door. “I’m not late, am I?”

“No, I just—” Elizabeth picked up the phone and dialed the cell again. “Hey, it’s me again. Um, I don’t know if something is wrong or the phone isn’t working, but—I need you to call me.”

“Liz?” Emily asked when Elizabeth set the phone down and then went over to her purse to start rummaging through it. “What’s wrong?”

“Probably nothing,” she admitted. She sighed. “I don’t have anything with the hotel number on it—” Elizabeth turned back to Emily. “It’s just—Jason hasn’t called me since I got here.”

He’d left a postcard for her, wanting to hear her voice. And yet—

“Well, maybe the cell broke or something. You know how they can be a pain to connect—especially if it’s roaming. Is it?” Emily asked.

“That’s what I thought—” She bit her lip. “That’s probably it. Luke gave it to us — maybe it’s running low on minutes, and he doesn’t realize it. He could be just as worried—” She picked up the phone, dialing the number for information. “Hello, can I have the number for the New Imperial Hotel in Portland, Oregon?” She repeated it slower for the automated service.  “Yes—” she said, agreeing to be connected directly.

“New Imperial Hotel,” someone chirped. “How many I direct your call?”

“Room 414,” Elizabeth said, folding one arm across her chest. She waited. The phone rang. And rang. Then rang again. Finally, she hung up. “He didn’t pick up in the room.”

“What time is it in Portland—” Emily checked the clock. “It’s like breakfast there, isn’t it? Maybe he ran out for coffee. He might not even realize anything’s wrong yet.”

“I know, I know.” She called information back, and this time wrote down the number for the hotel before calling it again. “Hello, can I leave a message for Room 414? Yes — tell him it’s Elizabeth, and that something’s wrong with our cell phone. It’s not connecting, so could he call me at my house? Not the studio, the house. As soon as possible.”

She set the phone back on the receiver. “He might not even ask the desk for his messages.” Elizabeth sat on the sofa, fighting the urge to call Sonny and get the jet in the air.

“He will,” Emily said patiently. “He’ll come back from getting coffee, realize he still hasn’t heard from you, and then he’ll call you or check with the desk. He might have thought you were just too tired when you got home and overslept. We’re three hours ahead, too—”

“Yeah, I guess. We did get to Port Charles pretty late—” Elizabeth managed a smile. “Thanks. I’m going back tomorrow anyway. Laura said she’d make sure my mail got put on hold.”

“And Jason will probably call you in an hour or so.” Emily dropped onto the sofa.

But Elizabeth couldn’t stop herself. She went back over to the phone and dialed the hotel again, adding the room number as an extension. No one picked up.

“Liz—”

“I know. I’m insane. But—” She thought again about the postcard. “If he thought I was too tired, he would have left me a message.”

“You seem really sure of him,” Emily murmured. “Even after he didn’t give you a way to contact him for months—”

“It’s—” Elizabeth whirled around but saw her friend’s face was only concerned. “It’s different now. He’s—it just is. He knows about the baby. We’re planning a future together.” She turned back to the phone, and this time, she dialed Sonny’s number.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Sonny. It’s me—”

“Is everything all right?”

“Um, fine. Listen, I got everything taken care of sooner than I thought I would. Can we leave earlier than noon tomorrow? Like a lot earlier?”

“Uh—sure. I’ll call you back with a time. Are you okay?” he asked again.

She wanted Emily to be right. She wanted to believe nothing was wrong and because she wanted that so much, Elizabeth didn’t say anything. Sonny would worry for nothing, and he might try to help—and the last thing she wanted was to create more problems because she was impatient and overreacting. “No, just eager to get back.”

“I get it. I’ll take care of it.”

“Thanks.” She turned back to Emily. “I need to get out of here for a little while. Do you want to go grab some lunch?”

Emily got to her feet. “What if you miss Jason’s call?”

“Well, then he’ll know what it’s like to wait on me,” Elizabeth muttered, irritated with herself. “Honestly, Em, if I sit here staring at this phone, I’m going to scream.”

“All right, all right. Let’s go. I guess Jason won’t ever miss a call from you again, huh?”

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

Sonny hung up with Elizabeth, keeping his finger pressed against the button longer than needed. Something wasn’t right.

“Sonny?”

He ignored Alexis in the background, released the button and waited to hear the dial tone in his ear. Then he dialed the number to the airfield. “Hey, Stu. It’s Sonny Corinthos. I need to know how early the jet can be ready for another trip to Portland. Yeah, just one passenger. Not me this time.” He leaned against his desk. “Thanks.”

“Elizabeth heading back earlier planned?” Alexis asked.

“Yeah, uh—” Sonny rubbed the back of his neck. “There was something in her voice,” he murmured. “She says everything is okay, but—” He exhaled slowly, then reached for the phone again, dialing the cell phone Jason had given him. It went to voicemail, and Sonny hung up without leaving a message.  He glanced at the card next to the base. “Room 414,” he told the receptionist when the line connected.

The phone continued to ring and ring, and finally Sonny hung up. “Jason didn’t answer either line,” he said after a long moment.

“He might be out,” Alexis pointed out. “It’s still early in Oregon, and Jason’s a morning person. If there was something wrong— really wrong—you know Elizabeth would tell you.”

“Yeah—”

“She came to you to find Jason, didn’t she?” Alexis reminded him. “Before she went to the Spencers.” She flipped through a contract. “She probably misses Jason and doesn’t see the point in wasting time here.”

“You’re right,” Sonny decided. It was as simple as that. Elizabeth was eager to start her new life with Jason and didn’t feel like hanging around her old one.

“I hope Laura took a minute to reassure her that Nikolas won’t be an issue,” Alexis said, waiting for Sonny to rejoin her at the table to continue reading over the contracts. “He’s been in Greece for over a week, and I don’t think Stefan expects him to return.”

“Good,” Sonny grunted, flashing back to the bitter, possessive angry man Jason had tried to beat into a bloody pulp at Christmas. “I’m sorry for you, but—”

“But he wasn’t happy here and was taking his misery out on all of us,” Alexis finished. “I want the best for my nephew.” She slid her reading glasses on. “Now, we need to finish this paperwork before the next meeting.”

Kelly’s: Courtyard

Bobbie beamed when she saw Elizabeth and Emily turn the corner into the courtyard. “I was hoping you would come by—” She stood to hug Elizabeth. “Can you stay for a while?”

“Yeah, we came for lunch.” Emily pulled out a chair and sat down. “And to keep Liz busy. Jason’s taking his sweet time to call her back—”

“Oh?’ Bobbie frowned as Elizabeth sat down, picked up a menu. “Is everything all right?”

“It’s fine. Luke gave me a phone when he was out there, and I guess it was either a burner or one that needs minutes added to it. Jason and I probably used them all and didn’t realize. We’re having trouble connecting.” Elizabeth forced herself to smile. “Um, speaking of Jason—”

“If you are going to apologize for not telling me—” Bobbie squeezed Elizabeth’s hand. “You just forget all about it. Laura told me you’d only just found out, and the priority was Jason. I’m just happy you found him.”

“Me, too.”

“And he was happy about the baby, wasn’t he?” Bobbie questioned.

“He started with stunned,” Elizabeth confessed with half a laugh. “We didn’t really know what to say to each other for a while, and it was a bit awkward. But then we just—” She flashed back to the postcards. To the way he’d looked at her when he’d come back into the room and saw her reading them — “We just figured it out. And it’s been great. We’ve been traveling down the Oregon coast.”

“It sounds like a lot of fun. And you’re heading right back, Laura said?”

“Um, yeah—” Elizabeth paused while they ordered something to eat. “Especially with the news being blown up like this. We’re going to stay around Portland for a while.” She fiddled the paper from the straw she’d put in her water. “I’m not sure when we’re coming back.”  She checked her watch.

“Why don’t you go use Kelly’s phone to check your machine?” Emily asked, gently. “Bobbie doesn’t mind, do you?”

“Of course not.”

Elizabeth was already out of her seat before Bobbie had answered. Emily watched her go inside, then sighed. “She’s really antsy about this. I keep telling her it’s fine, but I bet it’s just worry that he’ll leave again.”

“You think?” Bobbie twisted in her seat to watch Elizabeth through the window. “It sounds like Jason’s committed—”

“I didn’t say he’d leave, but you know how sometimes your mind can know something, but your heart is too scared to believe.” Emily jerked a shoulder. “I could kill my brother for not getting his own cell phone or using the room phone—”

“Well, you know, sometimes men don’t think these things through. I’m sure as soon as Jason realizes how worried she was, he won’t make this mistake again.”

Inside, Elizabeth listened as her machine reported no new messages. It had only been maybe twenty minutes since they’d left the house. There was still time.

She’d fly back, and he’d be there, and there’d be a reason for all this.

Wednesday, May 10, 2000

Portland International Airport: Arrivals Hall

True to Sonny’s word, they were wheels up by seven that morning. With the time difference, Elizabeth landed in Oregon around eleven. She’d left a message on the cell and with the hotel with her flight information.

But Jason wasn’t at the airport.

He wasn’t at the gate. Or at the baggage claim where she got help from one of the workers to put her suitcases onto a cart which she dragged towards arrival hall, sure that he’d be there, waiting.

But he wasn’t.

She wasn’t ready to admit something was wrong, so she started to tell herself stories — to construct perfectly rational explanation for why she’d been able to get in touch with Jason since she’d left Portland.

Maybe he’d gotten the messages, but not the flight time. Maybe he was at the airport and couldn’t find her, so she decided to stay in one place. She sat on a bench, with the luggage cart next to her. But he didn’t find her.

He’d have her paged, Elizabeth decided. So she went to the counter to wait for him to approach. But she never heard her name on the loudspeaker, and he never came near the counter.

He hadn’t received her messages yet. As soon as he did, he’d rush to the airport. She’d give him more time. It wasn’t fair of her to jump to conclusions or to start worrying about calling hospitals—No, she’d give him some time to get her messages.

So she went to get something to eat, and then she shopped on the concourse, checking her watch, continuing to listen for her name to be paged. Finally, around two, she went to a pay phone and called the hotel to leave another message—

Only to learn that Mr. Morgan hadn’t picked up any of her messages.

She’d been out of contact with him for two straight days. He’d never contacted her or Sonny, and he’d never checked with the desk. It was like he’d dropped off the face of the Earth. She could go to the hotel, start calling hospitals, but—

But somewhere inside, she finally accepted what had been whispering in the back of her mind for days. She picked it up again, and instead of putting more change in — she dialed 0 to start a collect call because thirty-five cents wouldn’t get her anywhere near New York. When the operator asked for her name, Elizabeth gave it, her brain already numb.

“Elizabeth? What’s going on?”

She swallowed hard. “Sonny, something’s wrong.”

‘Cause it’s you and me
And all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it’s you and me
And all of the people
And I don’t know why
I can’t keep my eyes off of you
– You and Me, Lifehouse

---

Sunday, May 7, 2000

Brasserie Montmartre: Dining Room

Sonny tossed down his napkin and watched as Elizabeth disappeared down the hallway to the restrooms. He met Jason’s eyes across the table. “Maybe we should get the check and go back to the hotel. I’ll fly back tomorrow, and we can forget all of this.”

Jason grimaced, pushed his dinner around the plate. They’d avoided Sonny all day, but for some reason, Elizabeth had wanted to keep their plans for dinner. Maybe she’d hoped for a miracle.

“Elizabeth told you about this morning, didn’t she?” Sonny wanted to know. “Because we were fine before—”

“We weren’t fine.” Jason set his fork down with a clatter. “I just wasn’t saying anything. And yeah, she told me. Because she felt like she’d made things worse—” He clenched his hands into his fists when Sonny just lifted a brow. “She just made things clearer. You’ll never understand the real problem, and until you do, there’s no point in pretending. Thanks for coming out.” Jason reached for his beer. “At least now we know—”

“The real problem? Because I tried to help—”

“Because you can’t stand to be powerless.” The Rolling Rock hit the table with a thud, harder than Jason meant to, drawing stairs from some of the surrounding tables. He shook his head. “You meant well with the prenup and threats to Carly. But you couldn’t just let me forgive you in my own time. You had to push.”

“Is this about reminding you if that night doesn’t happen—” Sonny growled. “You’d still be trailing after Carly—”

“I’d still have hope of getting Michael back,” Jason said quietly, and Sonny closed his mouth. “That’s what you killed that night. The only way I’d be his father again would be to keep Carly in my life. I already cared about Elizabeth. No, if I don’t stay in her studio for a few weeks, we’re not here today. But that has nothing to do with you.”

Sonny took a deep breath. “Okay, fine, but—”

“Until you get it, until you understand that I make my own choices, my own mistakes—I’m not coming back. I can’t take orders from a man I don’t trust. I didn’t forgive you right away after you thought you solved my Carly problem, and you turned it around so that you were the one telling me to stay away. Making it your decision. It’s mine.”

“It’s Elizabeth’s—you told me—”

“It’s ours,” Jason corrected, “and we’ll make it together. That’s the part you can’t seem to understand because you wouldn’t be able to give anyone control over you. You never could.”

Sonny stroked his chin, leaned back in his chair. “There’s a truth to that,” he admitted roughly. “And maybe I was impatient. Maybe I wanted you to forgive me faster than you were ready to. But that doesn’t make me a bad person—”

“I never said it did.” Jason sipped his beer again. “I just said I’m not ready to take orders from you. We’re staying out here for a while. Elizabeth’s going to get a doctor, we’re getting a place.”

“I’m sorry.” Sonny exhaled slowly. “It feels like I’ve pushed you further away, and that was the last thing I wanted. I just—” His voice caught, and he looked away, quickly clearing this throat. “I wanted it to be okay. I’m sorry. You’re right. I can’t stand not being able to fix it. So I tried to force it. I need the control. The power. I always have.”

Jason hadn’t really expected him to admit it so quickly and wasn’t sure what to say in response. Before he could, Elizabeth emerged from the bathroom and slid back into the chair next to Jason, her eyes darting nervously between them.

“I’m sorry for this morning,” Sonny told her. “You were upset—rightly so. I was being arrogant to take credit for how things ended up.”

Her brows raised and she looked back at Jason for a moment, confused, then focused on Sonny. “It’s okay—”

“No. It’s not. You were trying to take care of Jason, and you were the only one listening to him. I guess—I thought if he could see what happened as having a silver lining—” Sonny looked at Jason. “You might be able to let it go sooner.”

Jason reached for Elizabeth’s hand and drew it into his lap. “I am letting it go. But that doesn’t mean I can go back to my life the way it was before. I don’t want to. What I have now is better. We’re staying out here for a few more months. Maybe longer, I don’t know. But our family is still in New York, so we’ll come back eventually.”

“I can make that enough for now.”

Jason nodded, then looked at Elizabeth before returning his attention to Sonny. “When you go back tomorrow, Elizabeth is going with you. She needs to get a few things and fly back.”

“I wasn’t really preparing to move here temporarily when I packed a few weeks ago,” Elizabeth said, her cheeks flushing — she hadn’t known Jason was actually going to ask Sonny take care of the transportation. “I can get a flight if it’s too much trouble—”

“No, no—” Sonny waved away her concern. “Of course.”

“Oh. Thanks. I appreciate that. Really—” Elizabeth waited for Sonny to meet her eyes. “Thank you.”

“Anything I can do, I will.”

New Imperial Hotel: Jason & Elizabeth’s Room

Elizabeth leaned against the bathroom door and watched Jason tug back the comforter. “Do you think Sonny gets it this time?”

He hesitated, then jerked a shoulder. “Maybe. More than before, I think.” He sat the on the edge of the bed, his back to her. “I should have asked if you wanted to go back with Sonny. If you’d rather fly back without him—”

“I can handle Sonny. And it would be more comfortable on a private jet,” she admitted. Elizabeth leaned in so that their shoulders brushed. “Are you sure you’re okay with me flying back with him? After the last few days—”

“It’s not an issue,” Jason said with a shake of his head. “It’s good that he came out and we talked. I couldn’t do that back in Port Charles, not really.” He met her eyes. “I’m not angry with him anymore. Or upset about what happened. I don’t need to be. You’re here, and the baby—it just wiped all of that clean.”

“But?” she prompted.

“I tried to stay in Port Charles to make the job work because after Michael, it was all that I had. But it’s not anymore. And I don’t need it the way I used to.” He leaned in, kissed her softly, stroking his thumb across her chin. “So we can wait until I’m ready to trust Sonny again.” He hesitated. “Are you sure you’re okay with not going back?”

“After you left that last time…” Elizabeth laced her fingers through his. “I was still so sure that Port Charles was what I needed. I wanted a home, to belong somewhere the way I never had growing up. I found it for a while with Lucky, and when he died, I promised myself I’d never let a person be everything to me again. I wouldn’t wrap my entire existence around theirs. Home had to be a place. Something that couldn’t be taken away.” Their lips brushed again, and she smiled, the tips of her fingers touching his jaw. “But you can’t belong to a house or a city. You have to belong to someone.”

His brows drew together, and he shook his head. “But—”

“You have to belong to yourself,” she corrected, and his expression smoothed out. “You told me that once about Michael. About wanting him to be safe and protected until he could make his own choices. Because the Quartermaines would see him as a possession, and he deserved to belong to himself. That’s what I realized after you left. I needed to be able to be okay on my own. To trust myself. I couldn’t do that before. And maybe I never would have if you hadn’t left. So to answer your question,” she said, “I’m just fine with not going back. I have everything I need right here.”

Monday, May 8, 2000

Portland International Airport: Gate 45

Staying in Portland to make plans for the next few months made sense, but Jason began to have second thoughts as he walked with Elizabeth and Sonny through the airport to the gate where the private jet would leave, then waited as Sonny checked in with the pilot and flight attendant. She’d been back in his life for a few weeks, and now he had to watch her fly away—

“I’ll be back before you know it.” Elizabeth quieted his thoughts by leaning up to kiss him. He rested his hands on her hips, keeping her close to him. “I’ll be back Wednesday. Thursday at the latest.”

“Call me when you land,” he told her. He tucked a piece of hair behind her ears, trailing his knuckles down her cheek. “And when you get to the house—”

“I promise.” He kissed her forehead. “It’s not like the last time,” Elizabeth said. “We’re not saying goodbye.”

“I know.” He just liked his life better when she was right beside him. “I’ll miss you.”

“You’ll love all the silence,” she teased. She kissed him again, then stepped back, started to walk away but he caught her hand. She turned to look at him. He wanted to say something—but he didn’t. He let her hand go, and she smiled once more, then followed Sonny through the door to the boarding bridge—and back to Port Charles.

He waited, watching as the plane rolled away from the gate and towards the runaway. It was nearly ten more minutes until they were cleared for takeoff. Then Jason headed back through the airport for a taxi back to the hotel.

Private Jet: Cabin

Elizabeth glanced out the window at the fluffy clouds that passed. Two hours into the flight, and she and Sonny had managed to avoid speaking to each other. Only five more hours, give or take the time for landing.

She set aside the sketchpad and focused on the man sitting on a chair that matched the sofa where she sat. Sonny was perusing a contract — the same paperwork he’d taken out shortly after the pilot had switched off the seatbelt signs. Was he really reading or avoiding her, too?

“Thank you.”

Sonny jolted, his head jerking up to stare at her. “What?”

“For coming out to see Jason. For the ride back to Port Charles,” Elizabeth added. “I know…I know it didn’t turn out the way you hoped it would, but—”

Sonny set aside the contract and rubbed his eyes. “After that night,” he said slowly, “Jason couldn’t look me in the eye, and he didn’t trust me anymore. He questioned everything and shut down every time we were in the same room.”

Elizabeth waited, unsure what to say to any of that. It must have hurt for Sonny to go through, but she wasn’t much concerned with someone who had brought on his own problems.

“I didn’t think Jason would give me the time of day,” Sonny continued. “But I knew he was better when I got off that plane. When I saw you two together in the airport.” He met her eyes. “Our friendship will never be the same again, but maybe it’s a good thing. Maybe Carly wasn’t the only lie that he had to stop living. He had me on a pedestal, which I never asked for—” He smiled thinly. “But I loved it. I soaked up his loyalty and repeatedly asked him for more than I had any right to. We weren’t equal before.”

He was quiet for a moment. “You saved his life that night, Elizabeth. And you’ve kept on saving him—”

“He saved himself—”

“And you healed yourself after losing Lucky,” Sonny said. “But that doesn’t mean you didn’t need Jason to help you do it. Just like he needed you.” He nodded. “You’re good for each other. Not that my opinion matters, but I’ll offer it all the same.”

“Thank you.”

“You don’t need to get a ticket for a return flight,” he continued. “I heard you and Jason talking about it on the way to the gate. The jet will be at your disposal so you can come back as soon as you’re ready.”

She nearly turned him down, but flights between Portland and Port Charles often had a layover — she wanted to be back with Jason as soon as possible. “Thanks. I’ll call as soon as I’m ready to go back.”

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

Alexis found Sonny already pouring himself a bourbon when she stepped inside the penthouse. “You left a message for me to come over?”

“Yeah.” Sonny turned to her, then set down the tumbler. “I need to update my will.” He scratched his temple. “Just who gets the money. The business stays the same.”

“You want to update your will at almost ten—” Alexis glanced at her watch. “Did something happen on the plane? You were due in a few hours ago—”

“Had to circle the airport a few times, and no. Nothing happened. Just…don’t see the point in waiting.” Sonny leaned against the back of the sofa. “I want to set up a trust fund for Jason’s child. Children,” he corrected. “Divided equally. I don’t think they’ll stop at one.”

“So it went well,” Alexis said, slowly. “If you’re leaving money to Jason’s kid—”

“It went as well as I deserved.” Sonny jerked a shoulder. “They’re not coming back. He doesn’t trust me and tossing threats at Carly was a bad idea.” He lifted his brows at her. “Which you told me.”

“I’m confused,” Alexis said. “What’s going on?”

“The consequences of my actions,” Sonny said dryly. “I tried to control one too many things, and Jason decided he couldn’t come back. That’s why I was out there — so he could prove to Elizabeth he’d be fine here, back at the job.” He picked up the tumbler again. “He doesn’t trust me,” Sonny murmured. “And I don’t know how to fix that.”

“So you’re going to leave your money to their kids?” Alexis asked skeptically. “How does that help anything?”

“It doesn’t. I just don’t have any other family, and the money, as it stands now, goes to Jason right now anyway.” He finished the bourbon and went back for another pour. “We’re fine. As long as there’s three thousand miles between us. They’re getting a place out there. He says they’ll be back eventually, but I doubt it. Why would he come back here?”

“For his sister and grandmother? It’s his home, Sonny.” She sighed. “No, you can’t control and manipulate a person into forgiving you. Believe me, I’ve tried. But that doesn’t mean he won’t ever get there. He asked you to go see him. You stayed a few days.” She folded her arms. “That’s progress. You just need to have patience—”

“It’s funny,” Sonny murmured. “I always thought he needed me more than I needed him. That I was the one with all the power.” He looked at her. “Hell of way to find out I’m the one who needs him.”

Hardy House: Elizabeth’s Bedroom

Elizabeth trudged back into her bedroom, dumping the carry-on the floor next to the bed and collapsing onto the mattress. The flight had felt so long, and then they’d had to circle the airport a few times—

Now she was back in Port Charles. Alone.

Elizabeth sat up, looked at the bed, and sighed. It had made sense for to come back on her own for this short trip, but she was really going to miss having Jason with her. She’d become addicted to spending every minute with him over the last few weeks, but—

She was an adult who had to do adult things. Including dumping out her dirty clothing into the laundry basket. She upended the duffel on the bed so that everything fell out—

And then a postcard fluttered out, resting on top of her jeans. Elizabeth stared at it, wondering if it was an old one that had been mixed in—

But it was new. From their hotel in Portland. She picked it up, then turned it over. There was no address this time, just a message.

I don’t want to go sleep without hearing your voice.

She smiled, running her fingers over the writing. She went to the phone on her nightstand, picked up the receiver and dialed the cell phone, marveling at how easy it would be to talk to him while they were separated. So unlike the last time—

And then it clicked to voicemail. Elizabeth hung up, confused for a moment before redialing. Voicemail again.

“Uh, hey. I’m sorry I missed you, I guess you’re out to eat or something. Our flight circled the airport, so by the time we landed, I just came straight to the house—but I’m here. Safe. Call me back, okay? I miss you already.”

She set the phone down, then went to take care of the laundry before grabbing dinner.

But he never called back.

This is a way
This is a way
That I’m learning to breathe
I’m learning to crawl
I’m finding that you and you alone can break my fall
I’m living again
Awake and alive
I’m dying to breathe in these abundant skies
— Learning to Breathe, Switchfoot

---

Saturday, May 6, 2000

New Imperial Hotel: Jason & Elizabeth’s Room

Elizabeth sat at the table, towel drying her hair and watching Jason scribble something in the pregnancy book. “You’re studying more than I did in college,” she said, and he glanced up, distracted. “Sorry—”

“Uh, no, it’s fine—” Jason slid the pen into the book to mark his place and closed it. “Just making a list of questions. For a doctor. We should be thinking about making an appointment. You could call Bobbie to set something up—”

Elizabeth dropped the towel into her lap, the damp strands brushing her shoulders. “Things going that well with Sonny, then?”

Jason sat back in the chair. When he looked away, she nodded. “Yeah, I got the feeling that things were a little tense.” And they hadn’t been before she’d left them alone at the table to go see the Weather Machine sculpture. “Jason, if we go back to Port Charles…wouldn’t you have to go back to working for Sonny?”

“I could fight it,” Jason said. “Maybe I’d be able to steer clear, but there’s always going to be someone who thinks I’m involved. Or that I know something.” He brushed his thumb against his eyebrow. “It’s fine. I can make it work.”

She bit her lip. “That doesn’t sound that enthusiastic—”

Jason put a hand out. “I can do it. You want to be in Port Charles. You made that clear from the beginning. All of this—” He gestured at the room around them. “Being on the road—you don’t want this for the baby—”

“I hear a lot about what I want,” Elizabeth told him. “What do you want—”

“I want you to be happy, the baby to be healthy—”

“Why is it okay for me to want something so selfish?” she cut in, and he stopped talking, staring at her. “Being in Port Charles isn’t good for you. At least not yet.”

“Don’t tell me what’s good for me.” Jason shoved away from the table, the chair siding so hard it smacked against the opposite wall. “I’m sick of being telling me what I feel—” He clenched his hand into a fist. “I get to make my own choices. My own mistakes. And if going back ends up being a mistake, fine. But it’s mine to make—” He turned back to glare at her. “I’m not going to run away from you or the baby. Or leave you like your parents did. So drop it. We’re going back—”

Elizabeth exhaled slowly, a bit unsettled. “I’m sorry. You’re right. You get to make your own choices. Your own mistakes. I didn’t mean to—”

“I’m sorry—” Jason winced.

“But I get to do that, too, don’t I?” Her throat tightened as she stared up at him. “I get to do what’s right for me. And going home right now isn’t. So go back if you want. But I’m fine right here.”

“Elizabeth—” He sat on the edge of the bed. “Listen—”

“Wanting to stay in Port Charles didn’t have anything to do with the place. Okay? I was scared to leave with you. I didn’t know who I was without Lucky, and I was terrified I’d wrap my identity up in being with you, and when you got tired or bored—” She shook her head. “I’d have nothing to come back to. And now I’m afraid you’ll come back for the same reasons. You’ll come back for me. For the baby. And no, you’d never resent the baby. You’re a better father than that. But you would end up hating me—”

“No, I wouldn’t—”

“You were already on your way before you left.” He flinched. “You jumped down my throat for being in a room with Sonny. You said it yourself. You could manage it for a while, but you were afraid it would get worse. That I wouldn’t be enough—”

“I didn’t mean it like—” Jason grimaced, looked away. “It’s different now—”

“Because we’re not there, we’re here. We’re thousands of miles away. I’m not telling you how to feel. Or what to think. Or even what to do. I’m telling you that I didn’t like the way you treated me that day. And I don’t like that you refuse to be honest with me now.”

“I’m not lying—”

“Are you ready to go back to Port Charles and everything else that it would mean?” Elizabeth challenged. “Forget me. Forget what I told you I wanted. You asked Sonny to come out here to see if things were better. Are they?”

He was quiet so long she almost thought he wouldn’t answer. “No.” Jason dragged his hands through his hair. “No. I tried to—I wanted to be. But—” He shook his head. “No. They’re better. But I don’t trust him.” He closed his eyes. “I never thought I’d say that. That’d I feel that way. But I don’t trust Sonny. Because he will always think he knows better. He did it with Carly. And today—” Jason scowled. “He told me he didn’t want me back if I wasn’t ready to trust him.”

Elizabeth’s cheeks heated, but she kept her expression blank. “He said that.” Arrogant son of a bitch—

“I want to be ready.” Jason met her eyes and she wanted to weep at the anguish. “I know how much you love Laura and Bobbie. I want my grandmother and my sister to be part of all this. But I made choices a long time ago that I can’t ever take back. Not if I want to be there.”

“Then we’re not going back.” Elizabeth folded her arms. “We can pick somewhere out here to stay. I can find a doctor here. You’re right. We should make an appointment.”

“Elizabeth—”

“Laura can come visit. And so can Emily and Bobbie.” She bit her lip. “But we’ll have to visit Lila. We can do that quietly. I can call my agency and figure that out, too—”

“Elizabeth, you don’t have to—”

Elizabeth sat on the bed next to him, took his hand in hers, lacing their fingers together. “I made a choice for myself months ago—” Their eyes met. “After that day in my studio. I could either try to make you happy in Port Charles — or I could encourage you to leave. It was hard, and you should know how tempted I was to be selfish and hold you there.”

“You could have,” Jason admitted. “Elizabeth—”

“It was one of the hardest things ever I did — going to the penthouse and telling you to go. Not begging you to stay or take me with you. But that’s not how you show someone that you care about them.”

His eyes softened. “Elizabeth—”

“You would have kept giving and giving, to me, to Sonny, even to Carly, because that’s who you are. You keep telling me you’ll go back for me. Why is it so hard for you to understand that I want to stay away for you?”

Jason laced his fingers through her hair and kissed her. “We’ll wait a little longer,” he murmured against her mouth. “Maybe in a few more weeks—”

Elizabeth rolled her eyes, planted her hands against his shoulders and pushed until he lay flat on his back, then swung a leg over his body to straddle him. “We’ll wait as long as we need to. I’m not in any hurry to share you with the rest of the world.”

He drew her down to kiss her again. “Me either.”

Sunday, May 7, 2000

Harborview Towers: Davis Penthouse

Alexis curled up on the sofa with a mug of coffee and a remote. She was going to take the entire day off, since Sonny was out of town and couldn’t get arrested, it was possible. He wouldn’t be around to be arrested.

She was halfway through a rerun of the Golden Girls when the phone rang. She sighed, set down the coffee and leaned over to the side table for the cordless. “Hello?”

“Alexis.”

She straightened at the stiff sound of her brother’s voice. “Stefan,” Alexis said, cautiously. Though their relationship was starting to thaw out, it was still rare for him to seek her out, especially at home. “Uh, good morning.”

“Good morning.” There was a brief pause, and Alexis furrowed her brows. Had he forgotten that he’d called her? “I wanted to inform you that I’ve convinced Nikolas to retreat to the island for a while.”

“Nikolas is going to Greece?” Alexis dragged her hand through her hair, considered the idea. “I didn’t…I wasn’t expecting that.”

“I’m not certain we had any other options. After the scene in Kelly’s, Nikolas has few allies left in Port Charles. His mother was quite disappointed.” And from Stefan’s icy tone, Alexis knew her brother wasn’t happy with Laura’s choices. “And, of course, Emily Quartermaine was unhappy.”

“I know neither of us wanted to see Nikolas sink so low,” Alexis said. “Perhaps some time away will offer some perspective. He’s too close to all the memories here.”

“Yes. Well, I’ll be going there myself in a week or so after he’s settled-”

“Oh, he’s already gone?”

“He left for the airport this morning. I thought you ought to know as the hospital’s attorney.”

As the hospital’s attorney. Not as Nikolas’s aunt or Stefan’s sister. She cleared her throat. “Thank you for keeping me informed. I hope you’ll let me know how Nikolas is.”

“I will. Goodbye.”

“Goodbye.” She hung up the phone and left it in her lap, thinking about the conversation, about the horror of the last year. How had it all gone so wrong?

New Imperial Hotel: Sonny’s Room

It was probably a mistake, Elizabeth told herself, but she knocked briskly on the door next to theirs. Sonny smiled when he saw her, but it faded when he read her expression. “Uh, is everything all right? Where’s Jason?”

“Getting breakfast. Can I come in?” She didn’t wait for him to answer but squeezed past him. He sighed, closed the door, then turned to face her.

“Can I do something for you? You look unhappy—”

“I don’t know how to have this conversation without doing the same thing I’m angry with you about,” Elizabeth admitted. “I don’t want to meddle in Jason’s life—”

“I’m not—”

“But I’m so angry with you right now I’m willing to risk it,” she bit out, and he closed his mouth. “Do you even know what you’ve done?”

“I—”

“And I’m not talking about Carly. I’m talking about manipulating Jason into feeling like he owes you anything for where he and I ended up—” And that was how she’d thread this needle. If Jason owed Sonny for their relationship, for the baby, then Elizabeth did, too. “And don’t tell me you didn’t,” she said when he started to talk. “You think if you don’t screw Carly back in December, I don’t end up pregnant.”

Sonny pressed his lips together, took a deep breath. “There’s truth to that—”

“You do not get to take a terrible thing you did to Jason and slap some silver lining on it. Because we don’t owe you anything. How dare you try to use me to get Jason back into your life? Do you understand the level of arrogance you have to possess to think the choices I made—that he made—have anything to do with you?” She jabbed a finger at him. “You blew up Jason’s entire world. I used to think you at least had the grace to step back, but now I see it was just another manipulation. You watched him shove Carly out of his life because she wouldn’t stop—because she kept pushing. Then you kept your distance. But it didn’t work. So you tried to use me—”

“Elizabeth—”

“That day, at your penthouse, when Jason got so upset—you wanted to use me for information—or worse, maybe to keep Jason happy. Because I think you knew Jason was at the end of his rope. You used me, and you’re doing it again. You destroyed his life, and now you’re going to turn around and make Jason feel like he owes you everything, like I owe you something.” Her blood boiled as the truth of that sank in. “The absolute fucking audacity and arrogance is almost breath taking—”

Sonny shook his head. “That’s not what I meant by any of that—I just wanted to point out—”

“I am not a pawn for you to use. If Jason forgives you, that’s his choice, and I’ll support him. But you do not ever get to use me or our child against him Do you understand me?”

“I—”

“Do you understand?” she repeated.

“Do I get to talk now?” Sonny asked almost pleasantly. “Because I think you’re misunderstanding what I said to Jason—”

“You told him if it wasn’t for that night, maybe Jason and I aren’t out here together. Which means if you don’t decide to have sex with Carly and Jason doesn’t find out, I’m not pregnant. Did I misunderstand that?”

“Well, no, but—”

“I found him. Me!” She flattened her hand against her chest, her eyes burning. “And I made the choice not to give up on him. Just like he made the choice to let me help him. Everything we have—we built together. And it had nothing to do with you! We’ve worked too hard for you to come here and take credit for any of it. You wanted Jason to be in your debt. You wanted to have the power again. Because you have to be in control.”

Sonny’s face lost some of its color as he stared at her. “What?”

“That’s what this is, isn’t it? The power is in Jason’s hands. He doesn’t forgive you, he doesn’t come back to Port Charles. And you have to live with the knowledge that you’re the one that drove him away. You don’t get to come into our lives and take control. To write the narrative. Jason decides when he goes home—”

“Really? Because I thought you were deciding that?” he retorted scathingly. “He said you were the one keeping him here—he wanted to come back, but maybe you’re the scared one. Maybe you think he’ll go back to Carly—”

“If Jason wants to go back today, we’ll get on a plane. I’ve told him that. Jason gets to decide what he’s ready for. Not you. And not me.” She lifted her chin. “You’re not in control, Sonny. Not anymore. Get used to it.”

She stormed past him, slamming the door on her way out.

Kelly’s: Courtyard

Bobbie pressed her napkin to her mouth, then set it aside. “I hope Stefan is right,” she murmured. “That Nikolas finds some peace in Greece.”

“He grew up there,” Laura offered. “And I know his childhood was relatively happy—” Though he was quick to forget that when he wanted to guilt Laura for leaving him. She’d made the best choice for herself and would have to live with it for the rest of her of her life. She pushed her salad around her plate. “I may not have fond memories of my time there, but I can hope better for him.”

“Everyone grieves in their own ways.” Bobbie sat back. “And as I told Emily, it really is better that the news broke while Elizabeth and Jason are gone. The interest died down very quickly.” She hesitated. “I’ve been fighting a little resentment,” she admitted, and Laura frowned at her. “Elizabeth and I have always been close. And I tell myself that I’m glad she had you. That she could talk to someone—”

“You wish it had been you.”

“Yes.” Bobbie’s smile was small. “It’s a terrible thing to feel, and I would never bring this up to her. But I knew she tried to distance herself from me for a while, and I suspect Carly was part of it.”

“I can’t tell you why she told me and not you,” Laura told her sister-in-law. “Only that I suspect it was related to Lucky. She found out that weekend. I was just…I was there, Bobbie.”

“I know. I know.” Bobbie shook her head. “It’s not a fair way to feel. I just…I think you and I both let Elizabeth fill a bit of the missing space in our lives. I love Carly, I do. But Elizabeth…she’s special to me. And being part of her life, for the big moments—she’s not much older than BJ would be.” Bobbie closed her eyes. “My baby. She’d be fourteen this year.”

“I’m so sorry,” Laura said, leaving over to squeeze Bobbie’s hand.

“It’s silly to feel hurt. Elizabeth must have been so worried, so scared—” Bobbie flicked her eyes to Laura’s phone. “It was nice to hear from her. From both of them. They sounded all right. Happy.”

“I’m glad. It seemed tense when we were there—or maybe awkward is a better word. They needed some time alone—” Laura set down her fork. “Though now I’m worried for a new reason. What if they don’t come back?”

Bobbie exhaled slowly. “I’m not sure I’d blame them if they stayed away. What do they really have to look forward to here?”

New Imperial Hotel: Jason & Elizabeth’s Room

Jason set down the take out bag on the table where Elizabeth sat, furiously sketching. He stripped off his jacket and hung it on the back of the chair. “What’s wrong?” he wanted to know. He sat, unpacked breakfast.

Elizabeth sighed, set aside the sketch pad. “I’m irritated at myself,” she admitted. “And you’ll probably be irritated with me in a minute when I tell you I went to see Sonny.”

Jason paused in the act of lifting out a Styrofoam container. “You talked to Sonny?”

“I was just…I didn’t go to talk to him for you or anything. I wouldn’t do that,” she hurried to assure him. “It’s just—I’m angry that he was using me to manipulate you, using the baby—”

“Elizabeth—”

“The day at the penthouse, Sonny was trying to get me to talk about you. He used me then,” Elizabeth added and Jason sighed. “And then he tried to take credit for all of this, so you’d forgive him. I’m angry. And I just—I don’t know, I needed to tell him. But we started arguing, and it got away from me—” She slumped in her chair. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize—”

“I do. How you handle Sonny is your business, and I don’t want to be in the middle of it—”

“Hey.” Jason reached for her hand, waited for her to look at him. “It’s okay—”

“It’s not.” She drew her hand back, swiped at her tears. “Because I could see what he was doing, and it made me so angry—if I thought he was just desperate and wanted you to forgive him, I could deal with it, but I think he just hates not being in control. He can’t make you forgive him, so he needs you to owe him. He tried to guilt-trip you and it’s not fair—”

“I know—”

“I tried to tell him that you were the one who got to make the decisions—you’d go home when you were ready—and he—” The tears were sliding down her cheeks faster now, and Jason wanted to punch something. She swiped angrily. “We’ve had the same stupid fight, and I know you’d have already gone back if it wasn’t for me, so maybe he’s right. Maybe I’m doing it, too—”

“You’re not—” Jason got to his feet, then pulled her up and into his arms, pressing her against his chest. He kissed the top of her head. “We’re not fighting about it anymore. You just wanted me to be sure—”

“But I don’t get to decide that—”

“You didn’t.” Jason gently pushed her away, framing her face with his hands. “You didn’t. You listened to me. You knew even when I couldn’t say it out loud. I’m not ready to go back to work for Sonny. Until I am, I can’t go back. ”

“But—”

“I’m not ready to take orders from him.” He kissed her forehead. “I’m sorry he upset you. I’ll take care of it—”

“I brought it on myself. I shouldn’t have talked to him—” Elizabeth stepped back, still brushing tears from her face. “I just…I was angry. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He rubbed her arm. “Come on. Let’s eat.” He waited for her to take a seat and passed over her food. “It’s really okay,” he assured her, and she smiled wanly. “Sonny’s going back tomorrow, and we’ll be fine. We’ll look for a place. Do you want to stay in Portland?”

She sighed, took a deep breath. “I like it here,” she said, a bit more focused. “And we can drive to the coast in a few hours. Plus, I know you’ll be happy to be close to a lot of doctors. Um…” She sat back. “I was thinking maybe I should make a quick trip back to Port Charles. For clothes. And to arrange for some of my supplies to be shipped out, close down the house.” She held up a hand when he opened his mouth. “I know I can buy it out here, but some of my paints will go bad and there’s no point in wasting the money.”

“I wasn’t going to say that,” Jason told her. “Just that it’s a good idea. We could fly back with Sonny—”

“That’s the last thing I want to do,” Elizabeth muttered, wrinkling her nose. “There’s no point in both of us going. Maybe you can start looking for a place while I’m gone. Plus, I need somewhere to send the supplies, so if you check out of the hotel—”

“Yeah, that makes sense.” And he hadn’t really wanted to fly back with Sonny. Right now, he didn’t want to set eyes on his former business partner. All the progress Jason thought he’d made felt like it had slipped away. “I’ll find a rental agent. And maybe some doctors for you to think about?”

“Yeah.” She smiled again, and this time it looked warmer. More genuine. “Yeah, you do that. And when I come back, we’ll make an appointment.” Elizabeth set her hand against her belly. “I really want to hear the heartbeat.”

He couldn’t wait for that moment, so he grinned, and her own smile widened. “Then we’ve got a plan.”

If it makes you happy
It can’t be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad?
If it makes you happy
It can’t be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad?
– If It Makes You Happy, Sheryl Crow

---

Friday, May 5, 2000

New Imperial Hotel: Balcony

Early the next morning, with the sun still rising in the horizon, Jason stepped out onto the small balcony their adjoining rooms shared. He sipped his black coffee and scanned the area around them, including downtown Portland and the Willamette River in the background.

It was the largest city he’d stayed a few days in since Dallas. If there had been a better view of the water, it might have reminded him of the view from the penthouse.

“It’s a great city.”

Jason glanced to his left, finding Sonny stepping through the sliding door, his own cup of coffee in hand. “Haven’t really spent any time here,” he said.

“I did. That year I was gone. I went a lot of places,” Sonny continued. “Stayed on the move for that first six months, and up here—seemed like a good place. Not a lot of organized crime. I spent—” He squinted. “Maybe a week here.” He took a seat in one of the chairs, continued drinking his coffee. “Elizabeth still asleep?”

“Yeah.” Jason glanced over his shoulder. He could just make out the slender pale arm dangling over the edge of the bed. “Alexis call you back?”

“Yeah, I had a message after we got back from dinner.” Sonny shifted. “She was at the mansion to see Ned. Carly and AJ were arguing—she’s not too happy.”

Jason made a face, looked back out over the city. “I really don’t care.”

“No, I guess not. But maybe it’s not the worst that she has time to deal with it before you come back.” He waited, but Jason didn’t say anything. “Is that still the, uh, plan?”

“Eventually.” Jason exhaled slowly, stared down into his coffee. “You decided I was better off without Carly, and you made sure it happened.”

“I didn’t plan it, Jase. It just—” Sonny considered his words. “She was angry—hurt—at the thought you might be moving on with someone else, and it just—I was angry with her. She’d created this situation, hadn’t she? She married AJ to keep Michael, but she wanted to keep you hanging around—” His mouth was pinched. “I didn’t like it.”

“It wasn’t—”

“No, it wasn’t my place to like it. Not my place to do anything about it.” Sonny nodded. “All of that’s true, Jason. But in the moment, I was too angry to think of it. Too self-destructive. She was never going to stop hurting you. And I thought—if she saw you with someone else—I wanted that for you. I liked Elizabeth. I wanted her happy, too. So—” he got to his feet. “She made me angry at a moment when I was feeling low and angry with myself. I can tell you I’m sorry, and I am. But at the same time—” Sonny looked through the glass door, and Jason followed his gaze. Elizabeth had turned over, and now her face was visible. “That night doesn’t happen, Jase, maybe Elizabeth isn’t in that room. Maybe there’s no baby. Maybe you’re still in Port Charles, hanging on for a glimmer of hope to get Michael back.”

He took a deep breath. “I didn’t want Carly to be the reason you don’t come back, so a few weeks ago, I dug up her prenuptial agreement, got security photos of her at the Towers that night. From the camera at my door. If you come home and she makes trouble, they get sent directly to AJ.”

“Her prenuptial—” Jason shook his head. “I don’t understand—”

“Infidelity clause. She’s caught cheating, she walks away without a cent. And AJ gets custody of Michael. She might be able to fight that part in court, but she’d need money.” Sonny stared down at his coffee. “Can’t say she won’t take the risk, but I just—I don’t know. I wanted to do something.”

Jason clenched his jaw. He wasn’t sure how to feel about the fact that Sonny was still trying to manipulate things, to control Jason’s life, even if there was a slight relief that Carly might not make a lot of trouble. But it wasn’t Sonny’s job to do any of it—

“I need to be able to make my own decisions,” Jason said tightly. “And yeah—my own mistakes. Robin didn’t respect that, either. She still saw me as someone who needed to be taught a lesson. I thought you saw me as an equal—”

“I did. I do. But I also saw you as my family.” Sonny finished his coffee. “You always had my back. Always let me make the choices, even when you didn’t agree. Brenda—you hated everything I made you do. Jilting her, making her think I didn’t want her—” Sonny squeezed his eyes closed. “She died thinking it.”

“It was your relationship. None of my business—” Jason exhaled slowly. “But you’re right. If I don’t end up in the snow—if Elizabeth doesn’t save my life—” He opened the door to step back inside. “I’m not where I am today.”

“Will we be okay?” Sonny asked when Jason said nothing else.

“I don’t know.” Jason left him out on the balcony and went to the electric tea kettle to start the water. By the time Elizabeth stirred and sat up, grimacing as the morning sickness hit, he had tea and crackers waiting, with a glass of ginger ale.

Cassadine Estate: Conservatory

Stefan peered over the top of the newspaper he wasn’t actually reading and considered the sullen young man sitting across from him, glaring at a bowl of oatmeal as if it had committed a crime. Laura’s brief visit to the stables hadn’t improved matters at all, and Stefan was honestly at a loss to reach his son.

He cleared his throat, then folded the Herald and set it aside. “I’ve been thinking that you might benefit from a change of a scenery.”

Nikolas looked up, frowned. “What?”

“It’s difficult for you here,” Stefan said. “Surrounded by unhappy memories.” From the shooting and the difficult recovery that had followed, to the loss of his brother, and all the trauma that Katherine had caused— “It’s no wonder that you’ve been unable to move past—”

“No one understands,” Nikolas muttered. His gaze drifted away, out the window that looked over the garden. “My brother was murdered, and the men responsible are going on, living their lives like nothing happened. And no one seems to be angry that another innocent life is going to be at risk—”

Stefan dabbed a napkin at his lips. “No matter how many times you shake your fists at the sky, no one is listening,” he told Nikolas gently. “And it’s only causing you more grief. You feel as the very people who ought to be guarding Lucky’s memory and looking for justice are betraying him.”

“Yes!” Nikolas tossed down his spoon. “Yes! My mother is so desperate to cling to any piece of Lucky that she’s going to let Elizabeth do whatever she wants.” Disgusted, he shook his head. “And she keeps talking about proof! I don’t need any more proof — my brother was alive until he went to sleep in that garage. He was safe until Sonny Corinthos came back. They refuse to see it—”

“You’ve done all you can do,” Stefan said, and Nikolas fell silent. “Perhaps you should consider spending a few weeks in Greece. Gain some perspective on how best to approach this problem.”

Nikolas exhaled slowly. “If I could just find a way to break this hold Jason Morgan has over Elizabeth,” he muttered to himself. “To prove that he’ll cause her nothing but pain—then we can turn our attention to making him pay.” He looked at Stefan. “You’re right. I can do nothing else in Port Charles.”

Stefan hesitated. That wasn’t precisely the view that he’d hoped Nikolas would reach, but if the result was useful — Nikolas taking some time to rest away from Port Charles— then perhaps, it was satisfactory. “Yes. You can think of the next step when your mind is clear of these distractions. If you like, I’ll call the estate and have them prepare for your arrival in the next week or so—”

“Why wait?” Nikolas got to his feet, threw down his napkin. “I’ll go now.”

New Imperial Hotel: Bedroom

Elizabeth left the bathroom, towel drying her hair. “I feel human again,” she declared. “Three days in a row of this,” she continued. “When does morning sickness end?”

“Uh—” Jason reached across the bed for the book on the nightstand. She grinned at that—he’d taken her question seriously and was researching the answer. Pretty soon, he’d have memorized the book. “It should get better after—” he winced.

“What? Never? It’s never, isn’t it?” she sat next to him, peering over his shoulder.

“By the end of the first trimester.”

“Ugh. I still have like six weeks to go.” She flopped back on the bed, feeling sorry for herself for just a moment. But maybe it would be okay. Jason always got up earlier than she did, and he’d had those crackers ready. That had helped—

Elizabeth propped herself up on her elbows. “I heard you out on the balcony earlier. Were you talking to Sonny?”

“Yeah.”

He didn’t say anything else, and she considered whether to prod or push him for more. She sat upright, curling her legs beneath her. “Okay. I was thinking of where to go while Sonny’s here—”

“He apologized again for December,” Jason said and she fell silent. “But he doesn’t get it. He’s still—” He rubbed the side of his face. “He’s trying to fix things. He threatened Carly to stay away from me when we go back—he found something to use against her in her prenup—”

“Oh.” Elizabeth drew her brows together because that didn’t sound so terrible, but then again it wasn’t her life that was being meddled with.

“He still doesn’t trust me to deal with Carly,” Jason said, and Elizabeth sighed. “Does he think I’m stupid? That I can’t do anything—” He shook his head, looked away.

“I think,” Elizabeth said carefully, “that he’s feeling guilty. And he misses you.” Jason met her eyes. “That doesn’t mean you have to forgive him. Or go back to work for him. You don’t owe him anything because he came here.”

“He pointed out that if…” Jason hesitated. “That if that night didn’t happen, I wouldn’t have ended up at the boxcar. At the studio. With you.” He jerked a shoulder. “He’s right.”

Her eyes narrowed. “And I guess that means without all of that, we’re not here right now. And I’m not pregnant.” Asshole, she thought, then sighed. “He doesn’t get the credit for any of that, Jason. Because I made choices, too, didn’t I?” She slid over the bed until she was tucked up against his side. “You tried to tell me to go away, that everything was under control. But I didn’t listen. I went to get Bobbie, and I came back. And you made choices. You didn’t have to come with me. Or stay.”

Jason picked up her hand and traced the lines of her palm. “You could have kicked me out when your grandmother wanted you to.”

“And you could have stayed when Bobbie told you it was time to go.” Jason met her eyes again. “Bobbie told me about it. Everything seemed fine, and then I came back, and you were packing.”

“I told her what Nikolas said at the Christmas party wasn’t true. I told Emily that, too,” Jason admitted. “Because it wasn’t. Except that I—I knew things were changing. And I didn’t know—” He paused. “I could have stayed. I wanted to.”

“Bobbie said she could see how we felt about each other, but that it was like we were in a bubble. A safe, little world we’d created just for ourselves.” She rested her head against his shoulder. “Just like right now. When it’s just you and me, I feel like we can do anything. It’s everyone else that’s the problem.” She paused. “Sonny isn’t the reason we’re here. He made a choice—he and Carly made their choices. And then you and I made ours. You don’t owe him for that or for anything else Forgive him and go home because it’s what you want to do. When you’re ready for it. That’s all you owe anyone.”

Saturday, May 6, 2000

General Hospital: Nurse’s Station

Bobbie sighed when she saw Carly step off the elevator and head straight for the nurse’s station. She’d been waiting for this visit, but that didn’t mean she was looking forward to it.

“Mama, you didn’t call me back—” Carly began. Bobbie stepped out of the nurse’s station and took her daughter by the elbow to steer her over to the waiting area. “I called you three times—”

“I was busy—”

“Did you know?” Carly demanded, yanking her arm out of Bobbie’s grasp. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“No, I didn’t know,” Bobbie said, “but even if I had, I wouldn’t told you. You and that stunt you pulled with Michael in January are the reason Jason left town in the first place—”

“There’s no way that it’s true,” Carly shot back. “I just saw that little twit a few weeks ago, and she looks just like a damn twig — Jason left months ago!”

“This is none of my business and it’s not yours, either. You made your bed, Carly. Don’t be angry when the world expects you to lie in it—” Bobbie folded her arms. “He’s moved on. You’re the only one still hung up—”

Carly closed her eyes. “If I had known, I could have done better yesterday. I just—it was a surprise, and it was upsetting, and now AJ—he’s mad at me.”

“Shocking.”

“Mama—” Carly’s lip trembled. “Why are you like this—”

“Because it’s been a year. Longer,” Bobbie said, gentling her tone. “And AJ has every right to be angry that you made a scene at Kelly’s. What Nikolas did was bad enough. You have a husband who is determined to put up with you, though you’ve given him no reason to—and you have a beautiful little boy who loves his father—”

“Jason’s—”

“Jason is not his father. You’re not doing Michael any favors, either. Jason is having a family of his own. He deserves that, Carly. He was a good father to Michael when you needed him. But you have to let him go. For all our sakes.”

Pioneer Courthouse Square

Sonny narrowed his eyes as he sipped the coffee, then peered at the cup suspiciously. “It’s not better than mine,” he declared, setting it on the table. “Alexis thinks we won’t be able to compete,” he continued to Jason. “But I think she’s wrong.”

Curious now, Jason lifted his own coffee to his lips. “Did they open in Port Charles since I’ve been gone?”

“No, but they’re already in the state. It won’t be—” Sonny paused when Elizabeth stifled a giggle then ducked her head down, suddenly very absorbed in the sandwich she’d bought from one of the food carts. “Are you laughing at me?”

“It’s just—” Elizabeth looked up to see them both looking at her. “That’s the third Starbucks you’ve dragged us to since you got here,” she told him. “No one listening to this conversation would ever believe what people say about you back home.”

Sonny scowled. “I take my coffee seriously. You’re not going to tell me you like this—” He flicked his elegant fingers at the white cardboard cup with its green logo, “better than mine.”

“I wouldn’t know. I don’t like coffee, but their hot chocolate is pretty good—”

“Doesn’t like coffee,” Sonny muttered. He shook his head and looked at Jason. “Who doesn’t like coffee?”

“Jason drinks enough for the both of us. I think it runs through his veins—” She checked her watch. “It’s almost noon. I’m gonna go over there for a better view—” She got to her feet, picking up her drink.

“We’ll all move—” Jason offered, but she shook her head.

“It’s only for a few minutes. Be right back.”

They watched her cross the square to a tall, thin sculpture made from bronze. “She’s leaving us alone every chance she gets,” Sonny observed, and Jason looked back at him.

“She’s…” Jason hesitated. “She’s worried that I’ll decide to go home for her. For the baby. Not because I’m ready.” Sonny said nothing, only picked up his coffee. “She wants to have the baby in Port Charles. With Laura, Emily, and Bobbie. They’re her family. I need to make that happen—”

“I don’t hear you saying you’re ready to come back,” Sonny said. “If you were—”

“What does it mean to be ready?” Jason broke in. “How do I even know—” He shook his head. Looked over at Elizabeth, a few dozen yards away, her hands clasped in front of her with a grin on her face. They could hear the trumpets playing, kicking off the two-minute presentation in which the daily weather was reported. “I did a lot of stupid things to be a good father to Michael,” he said. “I always knew he wasn’t mine. I just didn’t care.” He looked back at Sonny. “I’m going to do what’s right for me. And that’s making sure Elizabeth has the life she deserves—”

“It seems like Elizabeth wants the same for you. She told me months ago that you needed to leave. The fact that you’re not already back in Port Charles means she hasn’t changed her mind.”

“That’s why you’re here. So I can prove to her that I’m fine.”

“You’re fine here. Three thousand miles away from Port Charles,” Sonny said, and Jason closed his mouth. “What if you come back, and you can’t do the job? Before you left, you couldn’t take orders from me. You didn’t trust me anymore. You can be out, if that’s what you want. But then you can’t come back to the city.”

Jason grimaced. “I know. But—” He exhaled slowly. “A few months ago, I couldn’t even look at you.” He met Sonny’s eyes. “I’ll make it work—”

“I don’t want you back if you’re not all the way there,” Sonny broke in. “There’s no place for you in the organization if you don’t trust me. Can you honestly tell me that’s changed?”

Jason shook his head. “No,” he admitted. “I can’t. But—”

“You’re not ready to come back,” Sonny told him. “And that’s fine. I deserve that. But don’t tell Elizabeth you can give her something you can’t. Otherwise, in a few months, we’ll find ourselves right back where we were in January. And you won’t be able to run away.”