There’s something in the wind today
That’s good for everyone
Yes, faith is in our hearts today
We’re shining like the sun
And everyone can feel it, the feeling’s running deep
After all, there’s only one more sleep ’til Christmas
– One More Sleep ‘Til Christmas, Muppet Christmas Carol

---

Sunday, December 23, 2006

Quartermaine Estate: Family Room

AJ crouched down next to the crate, peering inside. “You know, if I had ever thought about what kind of dog you’d get, I don’t think this would have made the top ten.”

Jason grunted, flicked open the door, and waited for the puppy to come to him. He gently lifted it, then stood. “All the other breeds were too active,” he said, cradling him. “Cameron’s still not…he’s doing better than he was, but—”

“No, that makes sense. You don’t want a dog that will outrun him.” AJ folded his arms, scrutinized the dog. “He looks like a pile of wrinkles.”

“That’s what I thought.” Jason stroked the English bulldog puppy, who yipped, then licked Jason’s forearm. “Uh, listen, Carly told me you agreed to help Monica with him…I really, uh, appreciate it.”

“Yeah, sure.” AJ cleared his throat. “We’re okay, right? I mean, you and me. Not friends,” he added quickly when Jason eyed him. “But we’re done with the rest of it. Civil.”

“Yeah. We’re good.” Jason hooked the leash to the dog’s collar. “I’m gonna take him into the garden before I have to go.” He winced, already irritated that he’d decided to have this conversation. “Do you have a minute? There’s something I wanted to run past you.”

“Sure.” AJ snagged his coat, then followed Jason out towards Lila’s rose garden. “How’s Elizabeth feeling?” When Jason looked at him sharply, AJ lifted his brows. “I know, I’m not supposed to know. I overheard Mom and Em talking about it this morning.”

“Is there anyone who doesn’t?” Jason asked dryly. He set the puppy on the ground, held the leash in his hand, watched him sniff and consider the soil. “She’s good. We’re telling everyone tonight. Carly already knows,” he added, absently.

“I figured that. Congratulations.”

“Thanks.” Jason exhaled slowly. “Listen. There’s something I want to say to you, and I don’t want to have this conversation at all—” He met his brother’s curious eyes. “With anyone ever. So just let me say it, and don’t say anything back so it can be over.”

“Okay,” AJ drawled uncertainly.

“When you came back, you could have made it worse for Carly,” Jason said. He dropped his eyes to the ground, kept them on the puppy exploring the lengths of the leash. “You didn’t. I wasn’t really…I couldn’t be there for her. I know you were. And with Michael. I…I made choices back then. I wouldn’t—it’s hard to regret them,” he admitted, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Because of Michael. But I know I didn’t have a right to those months. I know that. But I can’t be sorry for them.”

“I’m not asking you to—”

“But he’s happy, and that’s all I ever really wanted for him. You could have made it harder. Pushed Carly for more time. You didn’t do any of that.”

“It seemed like the last thing she needed.” AJ folded his arms, his brow furrowed. “And I figured we’d work our way up. We did. What’s the reason for all this—”

“Carly’s been through a lot. You know that. And she’d be mad as hell if she knew I was saying any of this,” Jason muttered. He rubbed his brow. “But she’s having trouble forgiving herself for what happened. And don’t waste your breath telling me or her that she did nothing wrong with Sonny.” He grimaced. “I just—I hate this.”

“Look, I think maybe I know where you’re going with this,” AJ said, and Jason looked up, startled. “I’m not a complete idiot, Jase, though I understand if you don’t have a lot of evidence to support that. Carly matters to me. More than I thought she ever would,” he admitted. “And that’s been an adjustment, I’m sure, for both of us. I’m not looking to make her life more difficult. That’s all I can really promise.”

“That’s…that’s all I want. I…” Jason forced himself to continue. “It was bad for all of us,” he said finally. “But I walked away with everything I wanted. Elizabeth and Cam—they recovered. I don’t know if Carly can say the same. But I wish she could. So…that’s all I wanted to say.”

Spencer House: Living Room

“Hey, I’m back!” Lu called, shrugging out of her jacket. “Maxie’s mom said hi, by the way—”

“I’ll have to call her after the holidays.” Laura emerged from the kitchen, backing out with a tray of appetizers in her hands. She set them on the dining table by the stairs. “Did you—”

“Yes, I got the wine—” Lulu held up the bottle. “Do you need any other help? Where’s Dad?”

“Oh, he’s still at the club.” Laura returned to the kitchen, and Lulu followed. “He promised to be here before dinner—”

“Yeah, I guess people want to enjoy themselves on Christmas Eve. Honestly, kind of wish I were there.” Lulu made a face and sat at the dining table. “Not that I don’t love being with you and Dad. And everyone coming over later, but it’s just…you know, sometimes you’re in the mood for a lot of people. And sometimes you’re not.”

“And this is the first Christmas without Dante since you started dating,” Laura said. She brought her tea to the table, sat down. “Have you talked to him since you went to the funeral?”

“I didn’t even talk to him there,” Lulu muttered. She traced the wood grain of the table with the tip of her thumb. “Haven’t since I went to the station. He didn’t really want me there.”

“Honey—”

“Or maybe he did, and he didn’t want to want me there. Or whatever.” She bit her lip. “Mom, do you ever regret having kids?”

Laura considered the question carefully, leaning back in her chair. “There’s not a mother alive who doesn’t have random thoughts about it. Being a parent demands so much of your time and your energy. The idea of being alone — you lose that. And for women, it’s harder. Because society expects so much from you. More than they do from fathers, that’s for sure. So, yes, there were moments of regret. But, no, Lulu, I don’t regret any of my kids. Even Nikolas, though I’m sure he doubts me. I see him as a gift from a terrible time.”

“Do you think I’d be a good mother?”

“I think you have a lot of love to give. And when you do love someone, you’re relentless. Fearless.” Laura tipped her head. “Those are important qualities to be a parent. But you also have to give away a piece of yourself forever. So do I think you’d be a good mother? Of course. But that doesn’t mean you should be one.”

Lulu nodded. “Yeah, that’s kind of where I’m at on this. I think maybe one day, I could see myself doing it. You know, maybe just having one kid so there’s still room for me. But, um, I think maybe Dante wants more than that. And he wants it now. There’s so much I want to do. I still don’t really know what I want for my life. I thought maybe I’d want to take over Dad’s club one day, but he’ll die in that stupid place, and I don’t think I want to be in a bar anyway. Or right now.”

She sighed. “I’m finished college, so I did what you guys wanted. And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, you know? Like what’s the future? It’d be so easy to just…Dante has a plan. He knows what he wants tomorrow to look like, so maybe if I don’t know, I could just go with his. But it’s not what I want. I don’t know what I want, but I know it’s not getting married and having kids already.”

“You’re not obligated to have all the answers right now, honey. Sometimes it is enough to know what you don’t want.”

“Dante and I have been circling this thing for almost a year. Ever since I filed for graduation, and I started thinking about what was next. He wanted us to move in together, and I was okay with that. But then he started setting out this timetable. Like, maybe we could get married by our third anniversary, and then it was how many kids do you want, and it was just—” Lulu held up her hands. “Too much. And maybe too late. Maybe we should have talked about this before—”

“And maybe you talked about it when it made sense. Lu, you don’t have to feel guilty about not wanting the same things that Dante does. I hope he’s not making you feel that way—”

“No. At least he doesn’t mean to. I’m just…I’m sad.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I’m sad that we want something so completely different. It’s not like, well, he wants to eat at Eli’s and I want the Grille. It’s — he wants to produce tiny humans and dedicate the rest of his life to making them into good people, and I would rather eat glass.” She met her mother’s kind gaze. “We have to break up, don’t we?”

“I think so, honey. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, me, too. Um, is it okay if I dip out after dinner? I want to…I think I just want to deal with it tonight. I’ve put it off enough.”

Quartermaine Estate: Foyer

The front parlor with the Christmas tree and the presents wasn’t large enough to hold the entire Quartermaine family and its extended relatives, so the party spilled out into the foyer. For the last two Christmases, there had been too many people for a traditional sit-down meal in the dining room, so they’d organized a buffet table that was picked over through the late afternoon and evening.

Children were everywhere, Monica thought, stepping in from the study and smiling as Michael chased his younger brother around the table in the middle of the room, Morgan dodging his advances, clutching something in his hands. Likely the last cookie or brownie or something similar.

Kristina, who had just celebrated her fourth birthday, was clapping her hands and cheering Morgan on. Cameron, so rarely out from under his parents’ careful eyes, was following Michael, his favorite cousin, blocking Morgan from making an escape back into the parlor.

Spencer, the youngest and newest addition to the crew was barely mobile, though he could pull himself up without any help. He was in the parlor, his chubby hands gripping the side of the sofa, his big brown eyes looking at the richly decorated Christmas tree.

Monica stood in the double door entrance, just enjoying the murmurs of conversation around the room, the holiday music playing low in the background. Elizabeth was by the Christmas tree, adjusting ornaments so it would be perfect. She was chatting enthusiastically with Lois, probably about the free clinic that ELQ and GH were co-sponsoring. Knowing Lois, she’d probably convinced Ned to get the city involved with the grants.

Emily was watching Spencer, trying not to hover while Nikolas sat on the sofa, one hand on Spencer’s back but turned towards Edward and Alexis, talking about the latest hospital board meeting. Jason stood, somewhat uncomfortable by the windows, half listening to Carly and Bobbie, but his attention on Elizabeth, worried she was doing too much. AJ and Ned were arguing about an ELQ project — though Ned had stepped down after he’d been elected mayor, it had been difficult to stay out entirely.

The only members of their extended family missing were Justus and his wife, Tamika, though he’d been sure to stop by before heading down to Philadelphia for the holidays to see the rest of the Wards and Tamika’s family.

“Penny for your thoughts,” Alan murmured, sliding an arm around her waist. He pressed a kiss to her temple.

“Just watching everyone. All our kids are here. Their kids are here.” Tears stung her eyes. “But I miss your mother.”

“So do I. But look at the legacy’s she’s left behind. There were times when this family was held together by nothing more than Mother’s grace and some cheap glue. I think she held on long enough to be sure we’d be all right.”

“You may be right.” Monica caught Jason’s eye. “Oh, you’d better go get the puppy. And make sure the note is on his collar—”

“I’ll be right back.”

Monica crossed the room to Elizabeth, took her hand. “How are you feeling?”

“Good. I’m looking forward to tomorrow. Cameron’s going to be so excited—” Elizabeth stopped when Alan appeared in the doorway, holding a puppy. “Oh—”

“Cameron?” Alan called. The room quieted, and Alan repeated his grandson’s name. Cameron, who’d gone to his other grandmother, Bobbie, turned, and his eyes were very big as he looked towards the door and realized what was cradled in his grandfather’s arms.

“Puppy.” Cameron took a step towards the door. “That’s a doggy. You have doggy, Grampy?”

“Well, it’s the strangest thing,” Alan said, moving over to an armchair and sitting down. Cameron followed, his eyes not moving from the wrinkly English bulldog. “I found him in the foyer with your name on his collar.” He showed Cameron the little white tag attached to the puppy’s blue collar.

“That say me?” Cameron asked, touching the tag with his little finger.

“To Cameron, from Santa—”

Cameron’s eyes just widened even further, his mouth dropping. He pressed his hands to his face. “Santa bring me doggy? Mommy.” He twisted in search of his mother, and found Elizabeth who had moved to Alan’s side, her eyes shimmering. “Mommy, Santa bring me doggy.”  He turned the other direction to find his father. “Daddy, look what Santa bring.”

“I can see that.” Jason swept Cameron up to sit in Alan’s lap and the toddler reached out a tentative hand to the puppy who licked Cameron’s fingers. He giggled.

“Tickles. He my puppy? I get to take?”

“Well—” Jason crouched next to the chair, in Cameron’s sight line so that he didn’t have to look away from the dog. “I think maybe the puppy has to live here with Grampy and Grammy. That’s why Santa brought him here. At least until we can get him a backyard to run in.”

Cameron furrowed his brow, but his father’s logic seemed sound. If Santa wanted him to have a dog at home, he’d have brought it there. “When we get yard?”

“Soon,” Jason promised. “Until then, I’ll bring you here every day to visit with him. You’ll be able to walk him and feed him. And everyone here will take care of him, right?”

“Of course. We’ll look after him as if he were ours,” Alan pledged. He kissed the top of Cameron’s head. “We’re honored to help.”

“I play with puppy now?” Cameron asked. “Mikey, I gots puppy.”

Jason lowered Cameron to the floor and set him and the dog in a mostly empty corner where most of the children flocked to pet and cuddle with him.

“Thank you,” Jason said to his father. “For doing that—” He cleared his throat. “For all of it.”

“Of course. And I meant that Jason, I was honored to be asked. We’d do anything for Cameron.”

Jason turned to Elizabeth, whose tears were quietly streaming down her cheeks, as she held her clasped hands in front of her. The room was filled with conversations again, so he pulled her into the foyer to find a more quiet place. “I told you I’d find a way.”

“You did. You absolutely did. And you made it magical for him.” She beamed up at him, so he knew these were happy tears. He could handle those. “I know you don’t really get the Santa thing as much, but—”

“I do. He’d have loved the dog no matter who got it for him, but—” Jason looked back to the room to see Cameron lovingly stroking the little dog, with Monica hovering in case any of the kids got rough or the puppy seemed stressed. “Carly told me there’d be something special about watching him get a gift from Santa.”

“And making Alan part of it. It was just…it was perfect.” She leaned up, kissed him. “Just like I knew it would be—”

“Well, that’s only part of it. We need that backyard.” Jason went to the coat closet where their coats hung and retrieved a piece of paper. “That’s the name of a real estate agent. We have an appointment after New Year’s to start looking. And she’s put aside a few places for us to start.”

“I don’t know how you do it. I really—I just wish I had something nearly as good to give to you—”

“You give plenty. You always have.” He kissed her knuckles. “Do you want to go tell them before Emily can’t keep the secret anymore?”

“Yes.” Elizabeth grinned brightly, then tugged him back towards the parlor. “Um, if I can get everyone’s attention for just, like, two minutes?” When the room quieted, and eyes were on her, she continued, “Jason and I just wanted to announce that we’re having another baby. A little boy due in May.”

The room exploded in cheers and clapping, and Edward abandoned whomever he was talking to, and made a beeline for Elizabeth, taking her hand in his. “My dear, what wonderful news. Wonderful, wonderful.” His smile faltered for just a moment. “Lila would have been overjoyed for you.”

“I know.” She kissed his cheek. “But she’ll always be in our hearts, and you’ll be here to tell all the kids about her.” Elizabeth released him, then went to talk to Nikolas and Emily, leaving Jason with his grandfather.

“Congratulations, my boy,” Edward said gruffly. “You chose a shining jewel, though I don’t have to tell you that.”

“No,” Jason said, for once in complete agreement with his grandfather. He looked across the room to see Elizabeth had moved on and was hugging Carly. “No, you don’t have to tell me how lucky I am.”

Spencer House: Living Room

Across town, another home was filled nearly to the brim, especially as some latecomers moved from one holiday gathering to the next.

Bobbie beamed as Luke helped her out of her jacket. “You should have seen him, Luke! I don’t think I’ve seen a little boy so excited by a gift from Santa as Cameron.”

“Nice touch, leaving the dog at the mansion.” Luke tossed it over the hook. “Makes it easier to believe it’s from Santa. Jason’s crazy to take on a dog in a penthouse—”

“Oh, Elizabeth is already working on that, I’m sure.” Bobbie patted Luke’s chest, then went down into the living room proper where Lulu was watching Lucas show off a card trick while Felix refilled drinks — he never knew how to relax and be a guest, even after three Christmases. “Did I miss anything?”

“Well, Lucas and I are thinking about trying to get Daddy liquored up enough to do that old Nurse’s Ball performance. You know the one we did with Mary Mae.” Lucky handed her a drink. “Nikolas and Emily on their way?”

“They’ll be here for dessert. Elizabeth announced she was pregnant just before I had to leave, so I think they got a little distracted.” Bobbie was already turning away and didn’t notice how Kelsey’s smiled dimmed slightly, and Lucky touched her arm.

“Oh, Elizabeth’s having another baby? Is that safe?” Felix asked. “She had such a rough time with the little guy.” He sat on the arm of Lulu’s chair. “But good for her.”

“It’s like baby rabies around here lately,” Lulu muttered. “Is everyone obsessed with having one?”

“Not me,” Lucas said and she whacked his arm.

Laura brushed her hand against Kelsey’s back, gave her a warm smile. “Well, there’s nothing wrong with having or not having babies. As long as everyone is happy with how their lives turned out.” She sent Luke a meaningful look, and after all these years of marriage, he knew that she wanted him to distract everyone.

“You know what? I was thinking maybe the Cowboy has a point. Let’s break out the midnight train to Georgia. Anyone want to help out and do Mary Mae’s part? Barbara Jean?”

Quartermaine Estate: Foyer

Carly bent down to shove another scrap of wrapping paper into the large plastic bag in her hand. The evening had started to wind down after Elizabeth’s announcement, and the kids had dove into their presents. Her mother had headed to her uncle Luke’s, and Nikolas and Emily had followed a bit later with Spencer.

Jason and Elizabeth had torn Cameron away from his new dog — still unnamed as of yet — but not before Carly had taken some photos and set up his new digital photo frame. He’d been clutching it in his hands as his father had bundled him into his coat and carried him towards the door.

“The gifts are in the car—” AJ stopped, leaned against the frame of the double doorway. “You don’t have to do that.”

“My kids were half of the mess,” Carly reminded him. “Or a third. I don’t really know how the math works out.”

“Two-fifths, even though Spencer didn’t really do a lot of tearing. Next year, though, he’ll do his part.” AJ straightened. “The cars are packed up, and if we can drag the boys away from the dessert table in the dining room, we might be able to get them home before the sugar crash happens.”

Carly stopped for a second, closed her eyes, the words washing over her. If we can drag the boys…get them home…

Like they were a unit. A team.

She knew all the reasons it couldn’t happen. Why she could never, ever let it happen, but, oh, man, she needed to get out of here and stop dreaming. The holidays needed to be over so that the cold reality could hit.

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. Um, it’s really nice of everyone to look after Morgan the way they do.” Carly set the trash bag by the door, then held her hands behind her back. “I mean, I’m not surprised Jason and Elizabeth go all out for him, but I saw gifts from you, from Ned and Lois. And your parents. And Emily, too. They really don’t have to—”

“Morgan’s part of the family. He’s Michael’s brother. And he’s a great kid.” AJ tipped his head. “Just the way Bobbie goes all out for Cameron.”

“That’s—that’s different, right? Because Mama and Elizabeth are close. And she’s always had soft spot for Jason. Your family has no reason to do this — especially when I know they’ve been frustrated with how little time Michael spends here. It needs to be more,” Carly said. “I know that. And we should talk about it.”

“It’s hard, though,” AJ said, “because every night Michael’s here, he’s not with Morgan. And I know it’s important to you that they’re together. They’re brothers.”

She smiled faintly, folded her arms. “I don’t get to have that luxury. My boys have different fathers. You’re in Michael’s life, and that’s the way it should be. I don’t expect you to look after Morgan.”

“Yeah, but I like him, so—” AJ shrugged. “And my parents are easier with you, Carly. They just…they missed a lot of time. And with losing Grandmother this last summer—” His chest tightened, and he took another breath. “They’re just thinking about not losing more time. I get that. We don’t always have the time we expect, you know? We shouldn’t take any of it for granted.”

“Right.” Carly nodded, then started past him, intent on gathering up the boys and heading home, but AJ put a hand on her arm and stopped her. “What? Did I forget something?”

“Look up.” AJ lifted his eyes at the same time she did, and she bit her lip, her heart pounding.

Mistletoe. God damn Quartermaines.

“I didn’t notice that before.” Carly met his eyes briefly, before looking away. She brushed her lips against his cheek, then took two steps into the foyer.

“I don’t think so.” AJ took her elbow, swung her back and she fell into his arms—and he kissed her. Softly. Gently. His hands weren’t touching her anymore, not holding her in place, just raised in the air, caging her in all the same.

Carly went still, almost frozen beneath his lips, and she realized suddenly she couldn’t remember the last time someone had kissed her. When had she last been held? Her throat was tight, and she couldn’t breathe.

AJ drew back slightly. “Should I apologize?” he asked, his words little more than a murmur, his breath warm against her lips.

“No. I just—” She kept her eyes closed, wanted to stay just like this forever. The comfort of his warmth, the safety she felt in this moment. She clutched at his sleeves. “I just don’t know if this is a good idea. For you. I always mess things up for you.”

“I’m not worried about that.”

“That makes one of us.” Disconcerted by all of it, Carly stepped back, her eyes on his—surprised to see nothing but concern mixed with something a bit more—something she wasn’t ready to label. “We should get the boys, right? Before the crash.”

“Yeah. Let’s get them home.”

Dante & Cruz’s Apartment: Living Room

Olivia wagged her fork, flecks of cheesecake clinging to the tines, “I tell her, Lois, you don’t have to tell everyone it was my naked ass in the window. Can’t you keep anything to yourself?”

Lois, perched on the armchair, her own dessert in her hands, gasped. “Liv, you’re not even telling the story right! That’s not what I told anyone! I never told anyone it was your ass.” She smirked. “I said it was Connie’s.”

“Man, why do we always gotta end on a story about your misspent youth?” Dante asked with a shudder. “Ma. Can’t you tell any other kind of story?”

“Lois started it,” Olivia muttered.

“And Connie deserved it!” Lois said. But then she pressed her lips together with a nervous smile. Old stories about Bensonhurst were fun, but inevitably they brushed up against the uncomfortable truth about who Sonny’s father was. Connie was Olivia’s cousin, who had been the woman Sonny had cheated on Olivia with. She’d left Bensonhurst behind and moved to Manhattan with a fancy new name. She never came home anymore.

“Anyway.” Lois set aside her dessert, glanced over at Ned who had joined them for this outing. “We, ah, wanted you all to know—to be the first to know—” she added, “because you know, Ned’s got his family, but I got mine, right? And we called my ma yesterday—”

“Lois.” Olivia arched a brow. “Spit it out.”

“Right. Right. I’m just trying. Um, Ned and I are gonna get married again.” Her cheeks flushed and she tugged a ring from the purse by her side. She slid it on her finger.

Dante scowled. “Seriously?”

“When you get to our age,” Ned started, and was immediately elbowed by his ex-wife, new fiancée, “well, it’s not like we have a lot of time to waste.” He was perched on the arm of Lois’s chair. “And I think most people can say they saw this coming.”

Cruz grumbled and slipped a twenty to Olivia who beamed. “I won! I knew you wouldn’t make it to the end of the year without making it public. Dante, I’ll expect your portion of the pool as soon as possible. And you get the others on the line—”

“Yeah, yeah, Elizabeth is gonna be mad. She had February—and Maxie just missed it by like a week—”

Lois’s mouth gaped. “You are all impossible!”

Dante was still laughing when he headed to answer the door, thinking maybe Lucky and Kelsey had changed their minds about dessert. Instead, he found Lulu in the hallway, and swallowed hard.

“Um, hey. Oh, you’re busy. Of course you’re busy. It’s Christmas Eve.” Her cheeks were bright red. “This was stupid. It’s stupid—”

“No, Lu…” Dante stepped out into the hallway, pulling the door closed. “It’s not stupid. It’s weird not to have you around for this.”

“Yeah.” She crossed her arms, looked down the hallway. “I, um, came over because I think maybe we just need to do this. And I know it’s crazy to say it right now with the holiday and all, but, like, maybe we don’t need to keep drawing this out. There’s always a holiday or birthday, right? We could put this off for years if we use the calendar right.”

“Lu—”

“Because I think we know what’s happening. We just don’t want to say it.” Miserable, she looked at him. “I wish I could tell you that I want the life you want. I wish I could tell you I could want it in five years. Maybe I will, right? Things are weird. People change. But you don’t need to wait around for a maybe. That’s not fair. It’s just hard because I love you so much and this would be easier if you sucked. So maybe you could go cheat on me, and I could hate you.”

Dante smiled, because even now, at the end, with Lulu Spencer, there was laughter. “I love you. You know that, don’t you?”

“I do.”

“And if I thought it was just a few more years, maybe we could keep doing this. But I want the boring stuff, Lu. The family. The kids. The car and garage. I can’t wait for that. And you don’t want it. You never did. That’s okay. I want you to be happy. And domestication? That’s not my Lesley Lu. It never could be. You’d gnaw your leg off in, like, a year.”

She smiled, even as her beautiful eyes shimmered. “I would, probably. But I’d feel sorry about it. You loved me for me, you know? The parts of me that drove everyone else crazy. You liked them anyway. Once you got used to them. I think maybe I can’t see anyone else doing that.”

He drew her into his arms, and they stood there, foreheads pressed against each other. “You were the center of my world when everything else was falling apart. You kept me steady. You kept me sane. And you pushed me back into the work I love. I don’t have what I have today if you don’t stand by me back then.”

“I wanted to bite your ass, so it was worth it.”

He laughed, then kissed her through both of their tears. “I love you, Lu. You be happy, okay? Promise me that.”

“Well, it’s gonna be hard, you know, since you won’t be there. But yeah, I want that for you, too. You find that girl who deserves you. Who loves you even when you brood and doesn’t let you get down on yourself.” She brushed away the tear on his cheek, cupping his face one last time. “You deserve the best. Don’t settle for anything less.”

“You either.”

Brownstone: Carly’s Apartment

With the last stack of gifts perched against her hip, Carly slowly edged her front door closed, and smiled nervously at AJ by the Christmas tree putting the finishing touches on Michael’s new bike. “This is the last of it. I’m sure Lucas and Felix will be happy to get their living room back.”

AJ reached for the stack in her hands, and she jolted when his arm brushed hers. “Mix, Michael, or Morgan?”

“Mix.” Carly took the top three. “The bottom is for Morgan.” She set hers down by Michael’s side of the tree, and AJ found places for the rest. “I went overboard again.” She folded her arms, rubbing them absently. “I should work on that. All those Christmases growing up, you know? I, um, overcompensate.” She glanced over, found him looking at her, then quickly averted her eyes back to the tree. “I was thinking after the holidays, after Jason and Elizabeth figure out where they wanna move, maybe looking in that area. Morgan and Cam will start school together—”

“You know, you can breathe anytime,” AJ said, and she closed her mouth. “You’re nervous.” His lips curved into a slow smile. “I don’t mind that.”

“Oh, hell.” She bit her lip. “Damn it. Yes, you make me nervous. Because I haven’t—I always screw this up, and I don’t get it right. I haven’t even tried to do this in years, and the last new relationship I was in—” She squeezed her eyes shut. “I’ve never had a normal one. Not the way you see on TV. Just two people being interested in each other and—I really need to shut up.”

“It’s not like I’m a shining example at this either,” he pointed out. “First serious girlfriend let my dad pay her off. Then I tried to date my brother’s ex, and, well, you know the rest of it.”

“Yeah, you and Jase need to stop dating each other’s girlfriends,” Carly muttered. Keisha, Carly, Courtney.

“I don’t think I have to worry about that.” AJ sat on the arm of the sofa. “I think maybe he and Elizabeth are the real thing, you know? Not like my parents. They figured it out, but they divorced two or three times.” He squinted. “I lost count how many times they sat me and Jase down to tell us they’d always love us, but they didn’t love each other.”

“I forget that sometimes.” Carly sat in one of the armchairs. “They seem so together now. Stable. But it really wasn’t always like that.”

“Once Dad kicked the pill addiction, yeah, he and Mom finally stopped having affairs. I’m glad they ended up together, and they seem happy now, but it wasn’t fun growing up that way. But my grandparents—that’s different.”

“Didn’t Edward have illegitimate children?”

“Just the two. Bradley Ward — his mother, Mary Mae, was before my grandmother was born. And Jimmy Lee.” AJ wrinkled his nose. “Yeah, maybe not them either. Okay, either way, I don’t see Elizabeth being available in my lifetime.”

“Me, either.” Carly clasped her hands together in her lap. “Listen, AJ, we should just forget it. We worked really hard to be okay with each other. Michael deserves that from us. These last few years, it’s the most stable he’s been.”

“Yeah, it’s something to keep in mind, and he needs to be the number one priority for both of us. Which means I don’t burn down any warehouses and you don’t—” he hesitated.

“Jump into bed with someone else,” Carly said with a sigh. “The mess I made of my life back then.” She rubbed her head. “I don’t know what I was thinking. At any point. Sonny never really respected me. Maybe he loved me, but I’m not sure he ever liked me.”

“I like you. Not when we were married, so much,” AJ added. “But I liked you before, when we were friends.”

“Before I drugged you and made you think you were drinking. AJ, how can you possibly think—”

“One day, you should let me tell you about how my dad tried to kill my mom the first time.”

“The first time—” Distracted, Carly let AJ pull her to her feet. “I thought we weren’t going to be like your parents. Or your grandparents.” He tugged her into his arms, and she didn’t stop him. She didn’t want to.

“We already did that part. You know, I think I had it wrong. We are like them. We’re just not going to keep making the same mistakes. We had the first bad marriage where we hurt each other—”

“I hurt you,” Carly said dully. “I drew the first blood.”

“Yeah. But I shouldn’t have married you. We didn’t love each other.”

Carly bit her lip. “Do you think we could…I mean, could that—”

“I think I like who I grew up to be,” AJ said softly, their eyes meeting. She smiled faintly. “And I like who you are. So, yeah. Neither of us are quite who we were seven years ago, Carly.”

“No, we’re not.” She squeezed her eyes closed. “I don’t know how to do this part. I never started anything normally.”

“Well, first—” AJ dipped his head, captured her mouth into another kiss, and this time she responded, sliding her arms up his chest, twining around his neck. He pulled back, his voice not quite steady. “And then I go downstairs to the guest room. Because we’re going to do this right. Not fast. New Year’s. Renaissance Room. Let’s go on a date.”

“Okay.” She smiled tremulously. “Yeah, okay. I’d love to.”

Morgan Penthouse: Master Bedroom

Elizabeth bit her lip and snuck another look over her shoulder towards the stairs. “I feel like we’re forgetting something.”

“We’re not.” Jason steered her away from the door and closed it. “And you don’t need to check on Cameron again. That’s what the baby monitor is for.”

“I’m working on the hovering, I promise.” Elizabeth sat at the vanity table to remove her necklace. “Oh, I was able to find someone for New Year’s. It was hard because literally everyone is going, including Maxie and Georgie. But you remember Renee?”

Jason sat on the bed, removed his shoes. “From your group?” The youngest of Vinnie Esposito’s survivors, she’d been just sixteen the night he’d attacked her in the park. The same age as Elizabeth had been. “I thought she was at college.”

“She came home for break. Anyway, she’s studying to be a preschool teacher with special education certification. I know she’s only a year and a half in, but—” Elizabeth twisted on the stool. “We won’t stay forever. I know you hate crowds.”

“I don’t hate them. I just don’t like the people.” Jason tipped his head. “But you like them, and as long as there’s beer, I can deal with it.”

She bit her lip. “We don’t have to go, you know. We could stay home. Watch the ball drop from the sofa. That could be fun—”

“We do that every year, and you’re asleep by twelve-thirty because you’re so bored.” Jason tugged her up and into his arms. “This year, you wanted to go to the party. I know you want to go. You bought the dress already.”

“How did you—”

“It’s in the closet. Wrapped in special plastic. It’s new, and you’ve talked about this for a month.” He kissed the tip of her nose, then went to the dresser to change.

“Yeah, but—” Elizabeth made a face. “I hate that you do so much just because I want to. You go to the Quartermaines because my family sucks. And the dog, and the house—”

“I like both those ideas. And your family does suck. Mine doesn’t. Which is as weird for you as it is for me, so don’t make me say it again.” Jason sighed, turned her with his sweatpants in hand. “Is this about last night? Saying no?”

“Maybe. I know, I know, you like to make me happy, and that makes you happy, but I just—ugh. Never mind. I’m just going to accept that you’re telling me the truth and suck it up. There are worst things than a husband who always says yes. Like a neurotic wife who finds something to worry about because life is too perfect. I have to create problems.”

Jason smiled, because that was the truth of course. He didn’t know why it bothered her so much. He wasn’t hard to please, and if he wanted something, he got it for himself. And he had pretty much everything he wanted. As long as the baby was born healthy, and Elizabeth didn’t get sick again—and Cameron kept progressing—what else could he really want?

Elizabeth went to her closet, pushing open the door, the plastic wrapped around the new dress crinkling. She came out with a square package, wrapped in blue paper with white snowflakes. “Here. I wanted you to open this one tonight. It’s not as good as the dog or the house—”

“I gave you the number for a real estate agent,” Jason reminded her patiently. “I didn’t buy the house.”

“Yeah, but you will. So here.” She held out the package, and he took it, and sat on the bed. He carefully stripped the paper away to reveal two frames, one stacked on the other. On top—

His breath caught, and he stared at the photograph encased in the white matte backdrop. It was black and white, but he could see the colors if he thought about it hard enough. “This is last summer.”

“The last time we saw Lila.” Elizabeth sat next to him. “We put Cameron in her lap, and he cuddled with her. You knelt beside the chair, and you were both smiling at Cam while he laughed—I wanted that moment forever. I knew it wouldn’t be much longer.”

It hadn’t been, Jason thought. The call had come maybe a week after they’d brought Cam for his last weekly tea with Lila, always in her rose garden when the weather was nice. He’d adored his great-grandmother. AJ had made the call — Alan couldn’t compose himself, and Monica had been sitting with Edward. She’d died peacefully in her sleep.

“She was the best of us. It was the one thing the old man and I ever agreed on. The first thing, anyway.” They’d found more in common in the years since Cameron’s birth. Becoming a father—truly a father—had changed the way Jason thought about his entire family. Including that gruff pain in the ass, Edward.

“She’s always in you. I look at you, and I see her eyes. Cameron has them, too. And I hope this baby does. So we’ll always have her.”

Jason exhaled slowly, then carefully set the photograph aside for the second frame beneath it.

“I wasn’t as sure about this one—”

It wasn’t a photograph this time, but a painting. Elizabeth hadn’t spent a lot of time painting these days — but she’d kept her studio prepped for inspiration.

“It’s me and Cameron,” Jason said. She blinked at him. “You’ve been telling me paintings for years. And Cameron has explained every crayon scrawl for six months. I recognize the colors you use for people. The peach for skin and the gold for the hair…” He studied the painting, wanting to understand it without her explanation.

It could have been a deal breaker for some women — a man who would never be able to understand what she drew, something Elizabeth held close to her heart. But not for her. She’d simply help him to see the vision she’d laid out. But he wanted her to know he’d been listening all these years, and he could understand better now. Because of her.

He thought he recognized the colors — the whites and greens — the linens at the hospital. “The NICU?”

Elizabeth beamed, her eyes shining. “Yes! It’s from this picture.” She went over to her dresser and brought it back to him. Now that Jason could compare it, he could pick out the details better. “This was the day he was able to regulate his own temperature and he could get a real bed. No more incubator. I really started to believe he’d be all right. You always insisted I hold him longer, but I convinced you to take at least half the time that day. It’s one of my favorite pictures of you with him.”

“I remember the first time I held him. I, uh, it was that night. The first one. I hadn’t slept in maybe eighteen hours. You were still on the ventilator.” Jason set the photo aside, picked up the painting again. “That was the first time Alan felt like my father.”

“You never told me that.”

“Yeah. He was there when I got upstairs. I didn’t want you or Cameron to be alone, and I couldn’t be everywhere. Not everyone could get into the NICU, so when Edward had to leave, Alan stayed. He was reading to him. He told me that parents try to arrange the world so that nothing ever hurts their kids, and I could understand that. For the first time, I could actually understand how you could go so far down a road thinking you’re doing the right thing for someone you love, and have it go completely wrong. I wasn’t ready to see it with Michael, and I don’t think Alan was either. But I was that night.”

Elizabeth leaned against his shoulder. “I’m glad you had someone. That you had him.”

“That’s something you gave me, you know. Another view of who the Quartermaines are. Ned coming to tell you about being the pressure Floyd used to hide your case, the way Edward reacted to finding that out—Monica being on your case. Being there every step of the way. I had more time with Lila because of that. More time with all of them.”

“You let yourself open that door,” Elizabeth said, shaking her head. “I couldn’t take credit—”

“I saw the way your family treated you. That Christmas card? They didn’t come to the hospital during the summer. After Vinnie. When Cameron was born. Even your sister. She called you because she could use you. And have you heard from her since she didn’t take the fellowship at Mercy?”

“No.” Elizabeth sighed. “But I don’t miss them.”

“I know. There are worse things in the world than a family who loves you too hard. I set boundaries with them, and they mostly respect it, but I could that because of you.” He held up the painting. “So when you think you don’t give me anything—don’t. I’d buy you a thousand houses and it still wouldn’t equal what you’ve brought to my life.”

“I love you.” She stroked his cheek. “It feels so wrong to say I love you more now than I did at the beginning, because I don’t know how it’s possible.”

“I love you better than I did then,” Jason said and she smiled again. “Because I know you now in ways I didn’t. And I’ll find a way to love you even better tomorrow.”

“How do you always know what to say? I’ll love you better tomorrow, too.”

You’re here where you should be
Snow is falling as the carolers sing
It just wasn’t the same
Alone on Christmas day
Presents, what a beautiful sight
Don’t mean a thing if you ain’t holding me tight
You’re all that I need
Underneath the tree
– Underneath the Tree, Kelly Clarkson

---

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Morgan Penthouse: Master Bedroom

Jason stepped out of the shower, wrapped a towel around his waist, and grabbed another to dry his hair. “Two days in a row?”

Elizabeth spit out her toothpaste and met his eyes in the mirror with a smirk. “And you doubted me. I told you, all I needed was to get up early once—” She turned around, leaned against the counter, toothbrush still in hand. “Think of how much fun we could have had if you’d just let the alarm wake me up early.”

“I think,” he murmured, leaning in to brush his lips against her neck, just beneath her earlobe, “we did just fine without the extra hour.”

“Mmm, don’t distract me.” Elizabeth pulled away. “I have a thousand things to do before I head over to the house later with the gifts we’re letting Cam open tomorrow. And I’m meeting with Gail for breakfast about the free clinic project—” She set her toothbrush back in the holder, then reached for the bottle of pills that had been her constant companion since she’d nearly died from a pulmonary embolism. She tossed back two, chased it with water.

“Those look different,” Jason said, tossing the damp hair towel into the hamper.

“Yeah, Monica switched them after she found the clot. Not blood thinners, but, um, something to do with whatever the T stood for in CTEPH.” Elizabeth set the bottle back inside the medicine cabinet. “I told you she’s running another scan before the procedure. She’s hoping to break the clot up with meds. Avoid the procedure.”

“Thromboembolic,” Jason supplied. “The T,” he added when she frowned at him. “That’s it stood for.” He took the pills back from the cabinet, read the name. “Then this is a thrombolytic.”

“Sure.”

“Those are the ones that break up the clot. Your heparin was supposed to prevent them.”

She sighed. “You know, I haven’t missed these conversations at all.” She plucked the bottle from his grasp. “I’m only taking these until Tuesday. If they don’t work, Monica is doing the procedure and it’s back on the heparin until I die.” She wrinkled her nose. “Can we not talk about this? I feel fine. I’m not short of breath. I’m not tired. I barely even feel pregnant, except for, you know—” She rested her hand on the bulge beneath her sleep tank. “My clothes not fitting as well anymore.”

“You’re taking thrombolytics,” Jason said, grimly, taking the bottle back. “Did Monica talk to you about the risks?”

“No, because Monica just got out of med school, and I’m an idiot.” She snatched it back, and stalked into the bedroom, and Jason followed her. “Why don’t you just go and call her?”

“Why are you getting angry with me?” he asked. He yanked open a drawer, whipped out a pair of jeans. “I’m just asking about the medication. I wasn’t there when she prescribed it. I didn’t even know thrombolytics came in pill form. I thought they were all IV—”

“I don’t know. Monica said we were changing the medication to break up the clots, and I nodded. I don’t ask her a lot of questions. I’ve never needed to.” She shoved the pills into her purse. “These could be aspirin for all I know. I figure she likes me, she’d like to see our son born without problems, so I trust her to make the right calls. I mean, is there a reason I shouldn’t?”

“No. No.” Jason exhaled slowly. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight about this.”

“I don’t either.” She bit her lip. “I’m sorry, too. You usually do better with all the information, I know that. And it drives you crazy when I don’t ask for it. I just…want to ignore it.”

“Then we will.” Jason took her arms, wound them around his neck and drew her in close. “We will, I promise. It’s the last time I’ll bring it up.”

“Unless I’m not feeling well, and you’ll be the first person I tell.” She kissed him, lingering for a long moment before regretfully pulling back. “I need a shower. I have to get started on that long list, and you need to keep Cameron distracted while I get those gifts out of the closet downstairs.”

“Whatever you want.”

Kelly’s: Dining Room

Maxie dropped into her chair with a grunt. “No one should get up that early for a flight and deal with the airport, I don’t care if it’s faster than driving.” She peered blearily at her sister, standing over them with an order pad. “All the caffeine in the land. Chop chop.”

Georgie rolled her eyes, tapped her pencil against the pad. “Same for you, Lu?”

“Yeah, make mine a double.” Lu leaned back in her chair, stifled a yawn. “Did you get any sleep in the hotel?”

“No.” Maxie made a face. “I go all the way to New York City, and I end up in a Hilton. Those mattresses are like rocks. When I’m rich and famous, I will only sleep on feathers.”

Georgie returned with two mugs of coffee and a dish with containers of sugar and cream. “I guess I shouldn’t ask how the funeral was.”

“It was a funeral. It was sad.” Lulu scowled. “And his stupid family pissed me off. How could they let his mom sit all by herself at the end of the row? And you just know they wouldn’t let Dante sit with the rest of the family.”

“I hope his grandmother is burning in hell, saving a place for Vinnie and every other Falconieri who took his side,” Maxie muttered. She sipped her coffee, then closed her eyes. “Twenty minutes. I might feel human.”

“Why start now?” Lulu asked, and Maxie flicked the wrapper from her discarded cream container at her.

“Did you and Dante have a chance to talk?” Georgie wanted to know.

“No. No. It wasn’t the time for that. We just went so he’d know…well, so he knew he wasn’t alone. And I don’t even know what to say to him anymore.” Lulu bit her lip. “Maybe I could have one kid, you know? They’re not terrible. Carly’s gremlins seem okay, and Liz’s son is kind of cute.”

“They’re not terrible,” Maxie repeated. She rested her chin on her first, her eyes sparkling. “What a ringing endorsement for motherhood. Remember the last pregnant person we were around?”

“Elizabeth is different. She was sick—”

“And look how much better she was when she stopped being pregnant. Baby just dragged her down. Sure, the little guy is cute,” Maxie said with shrug, “but I’m not putting anything in my body that might kill me. I don’t even smoke.”

“But you do drink,” Georgie pointed out, and Maxie sent her a dirty look. “What? I’m not allowed to point that out?”

“Plus, pregnancy just messes with your body. The stretch marks? I also heard that your feet size can change. There’s this little parasite growing inside of you. Absolutely not. I would never.” Maxie shuddered.

Georgie rolled her eyes. “Ignore her,” she told Lulu. “As the daughter of someone who liked the idea of being father much more than the actual practice of it, don’t have a kid just to make Dante happy. Do you really want to get pregnant, and then raise a baby? Because if the answer is no, it’s just no.”

“But if I don’t have a kid, Dante’s definitely going to break up with me—not that he made it like an ultimatum,” Lulu said, “but we can’t keep pretending this isn’t happening. I don’t want to lose him.”

Maxie jabbed a finger at her. “Ten years from now when your body is destroyed and your brain is fried from little Dante Junior, you’ll look back at this moment and you’ll wish I smacked you some sense into you. Do you want to have kids, Lu?”

Lulu stared down at her hands, then sighed. “No. I don’t.”

“Then that’s the end of it. There’s nothing wrong with it, by the way. Not everyone should be a parent. I can make you a long list of people who shot out kids that have no business putting their names on a birth certificate. It’s great for people who want it, but you don’t. Let Dante go start the next generation with someone else.”

“What if I regret it one day?” Lulu said. “What if I wake up five years from now, and he’s married to a perfect woman who gave him the kids he wanted, and I’ll wish it was me—”

“What if you wake up one day and regret being a mother? You can always have a kid later, Lu. But if you have one now, man, you don’t ever get to change your mind. Not without people thinking you’re an asshole.” Maxie lifted her brows. “So, which one are you going to be?”

Lucky & Kelsey’s Apartment: Living Room

Lucky dropped his duffel bag next to the sofa, and his keys on the table before making his way over to the kitchen and the coffee pot. He frowned when he realized there was already a full pot ready.

“I figured it would be your first stop when you got in, so I set the timer.”

He turned, saw Kelsey in the open doorway to their bedroom, her dark hair bundled on top of her head. She swore a long-sleeved gray top with a pair of pink cotton pants — clearly she’d only just woken.

“It’s early. You could get some more sleep.”

She smiled faintly, crossed the room to slide her arms around his waist and lean up for a kiss. Almost as if they hadn’t spent a month freezing each other out. He cupped her face in his hands, not letting her pull back. “I missed you,” he said softly, his eyes searching hers. “I wish you could have come.”

“Me, too. But I had to deal with work.” Kelsey pulled back and went to the cabinet for two mugs, and Lucky retrieved her favorite creamer from the fridge. “It’s stupid to ask how the funeral was, I guess.”

“Sad,” Lucky admitted. He slid onto one of the stools. “Dante never really talked about his grandmother. Even after he went back to work, and everything died down about Sonny and Vinnie.”

“I can’t imagine how he feels. Knowing there’s no chance of fixing everything. No reunion.” She wrapped her hands around her prepared coffee. “We could just…pretend the last few weeks didn’t happen. I, um, thought about doing that. Just avoiding the whole thing. Since we put up the tree the other night.” She flicked her eyes towards the corner of the living room, the lights twinkling.

“We could.” Lucky considered his coffee. “Is that what you want to do?”

“What I wanted to do was go to my mother’s in Buffalo while you were in New York.”

Lucky jolted at that, set the mug down, the coffee splashing over the edge to his fingers. “What?”

Kelsey sighed. “But I talked to your mother first, and well, that was a terrible idea. So I’m not going to do that.”

“Why—” He forced out the words. “Why—what did I do? Why do you want to leave me—”

“I don’t. God, Lucky, of course I don’t.” She came around the counter, and he turned, pulling her between his legs. “It’s just—I knew we’d have to talk about why it’s been so awful, and I didn’t want to do that. I still…” She touched his chest, picking at the fabric of his shirt, staring at it. “We didn’t plan this summer. We were going to wait.”

“I know.”

“When it…when it was over,” Kelsey said, biting her lip, flicking her eyes up to his, then quickly looking away, “it was awful. I don’t know how it can hurt so much to lose something that wasn’t even real.”

Lucky stroked her arms. “It was real to us,” he told her softly. “It was real.”

She closed her eyes, nodded. “The thing is — you just…you talked about trying for another baby like it…like it was nothing. Like it was…”

“Replacing what we lost,” Lucky said. She didn’t answer but he saw it in her eyes. “I’m sorry. I never meant to make you feel that way.”

“I know. I know. I told myself that, but I just—I still want kids. I want a family. With you,” she added. “I just…want to wait. A little longer.”

“Sure. Whatever you need. I just need you. The rest of that can wait.”

She smiled, and this time it reached her eyes. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I love you. This—” He leaned in, kissed her briefly. “You? It’s all I want.”

Brownstone: Hallway

Lucas stepped into the hallway, pulled the door shut, then twisted the knob to be sure he’d locked it behind him. Before he could head down the stairs, he heard footsteps and a voice. He glanced down from the landing to see his sister leave his mother’s apartment, and head towards the stairs.

“No, that’s a great idea. I’m sure Monica can keep them distracted long enough—yeah, I can ask him but I’m sure—” Carly glanced up, met Lucas’s gaze. “Oh, give me a minute, he’s standing right here.” She pressed the phone against her chest. “Lucas, AJ was wondering if we can stash the presents in your place so we can move them into my living room without waking up the boys.”

“Yeah, sure. Grab the spare key from Mom.”

“You’re the best.” Carly refocused on the call. “Yeah, he’s okay with it. It’ll make it easier. I’ll see you then.” She slid the phone into her purse and climbed the last few steps. “Thanks. I think we could have managed the smaller stuff, but Michael’s bikes would be impossible, I think.”

“AJ’s coming over to help with the presents?” Lucas lifted a brow. “That’s interesting. Don’t you guys usually do separate Christmases?”

“This year, um, we’re experimenting with…combining, I guess.” Carly hesitated. “He’s going to spend the night in one of Mama’s guest rooms and be up here for the morning. Instead of waiting to see him, AJ will get to have him first thing, but this way Michael can still be with Morgan.”

“Well, that’ll be nice.” Lucas smirked. “One big happy family.”

Carly narrowed her eyes, then twisted on her heel, making a beeline towards her apartment door across the hall. “Don’t start.”

“What? Every time I turn around the last few weeks, AJ is hanging around.” Lucas leaned against his door. “Very friendly for a pair of exes.”

“I worked very hard at being able to co-parent with AJ. Very hard,” Carly repeated. “We’ve come a long way, and, you know, we’re putting Michael first.”

“Uh huh. How was the movie the other night? The one with the dancing penguins?”

Carly pursed her lips. “It was fine.”

“And Chinese food last night?”

“Lucas—”

“Kind of feels like you’ve been dating your ex-husband.” He shrugged, turned towards the stairs. “But hey, what do I know, right?”

“It can’t happen.”

Her voice was quiet, different and Lucas turned back to her, to his sister. A few years ago, the word wouldn’t have come easily to his mind. But just like AJ, Lucas and Carly had worked hard to build that relationship, and it mattered to him. She looked small, standing in the doorway, key in hand, and he didn’t like it.

“I’m just teasing, Carly—”

“No, I know, but it can’t—” She bit her lip. “It can’t. Michael’s too important. I’ve messed up his life so many times, and I finally fixed it, you know? He has the life he deserves and I’m fine just the way I am. I always screw it up when I try to reach too high. This is more than I ever thought I’d have.”

Lucas furrowed his brow. “What does that mean?”

“I have a family. I have Mama, and the boys, and you. And Jason. I have enough. I’m okay, just the way it is. I don’t need more. I don’t…I don’t need it.”

He stepped towards her. “You don’t need it, or you don’t deserve it?”

She looked down, stared hard at the palms of her hand. “I spent a lot of years bringing nothing but pain to people, Lucas. You know that. I hurt you and Mama, and Tony. And Jason. And AJ. Michael. My adoptive mother, Virginia. I did a lot of damage.”

“We forgave you—”

She lifted her eyes, tears shimmering. “Sure. I know. But um, maybe that was because you felt sorry for me. AJ does. I, um, was really messed up a few years ago, and I’m not…I mean, I’m better, but I still have some bad moments, you know? I couldn’t have handled any of that without you. And Mama. But AJ — he was really there at the end of it all, and I just—I have what I have because of what happened to me.”

“You think because you still have panic attacks every once in a while, that’s why I’m nice to you? Why AJ’s coming around so much?”

“No. No. Of course not. But it’s—this is so stupid—” Carly brushed at the tears on her cheeks. “Don’t pay any attention to me, okay? I just get ridiculous around this time of year.”

Lucas considered his next words carefully. “You didn’t deserve what happened to you. You know that right?”

Carly stared at him, stunned. Shaken. “No. I mean, yes, of course, I know that.”

“The panic room, what Sonny put you through, Ric—that wasn’t the universe punishing you for the affair with my dad and lying about Michael. Or whatever you did to AJ. That wasn’t punishment. That’s not how karma works.”

“I-I know that.” She cleared her throat. “I do. I just—I don’t see the point in pushing my luck that’s all. Not when things are going well.”

“All right.” He’d said what he needed to say, and that would have to be enough. “Don’t forget to grab the spare key for my place. I’m late to meet Felix and some friends for a movie.”

Quartermaine Estate: Front Parlor

Elizabeth stepped back and studied the pile of gifts she’d stashed under the tree with Emily’s help. “We overdid it, didn’t we?”

Emily made a face, folded her arms. “Look, we got like four kids under the age of ten who still believe in Santa—and don’t start with me, Spencer totally believes.”

“I would never argue about that.” Elizabeth shoved up the sleeves of her sweater, then crouched down to readjust a few things. “Maybe I can run out grab another gift or two. I feel like Morgan’s pile isn’t as good as it should be.” She tried to get back them, then sighed and sat back on her heels. “I can’t get up.”

Emily rolled her eyes and reached out to haul Elizabeth to her feet. She stumbled slightly, falling into Emily, whose eyes widened. “Uh, what is that?” Her sister-in-law pressed a hand to Elizabeth’s belly, the curve hidden by the bulk of her sweater. “Elizabeth Imogene. What are you not telling us?”

“Oh, shoot—” Elizabeth bit her lip, but couldn’t hide her smile. “We’re telling everyone tomorrow.” She smoothed her hands around her belly, flattening her sweater so that it was more evident. “Sixteen weeks along.”

“Oh my God!” Emily did a dance in place, then clapped her hands together. “Oh, this is amazing! I had no idea! You and Jason, you little stinkers! You didn’t say a word!”

“No, I wanted to wait until I was out of the first trimester to tell anyone.” Elizabeth made a face. “The miscarriage risk was really high early on because of, well, everything. And Monica knew, so don’t be mad at her.”

“I would never. Of course Mom had to know, right? And that sucks for the risk, but you’re good now, right? I mean, you and Jason wouldn’t have planned this if you weren’t, and I know how insane he takes this kind of thing.”

Elizabeth opened her mouth, then closed it, considering her next words carefully. “There’s a small blood clot,” she said, and Emily’s smile faded. “There’s no reason to be worried. Monica’s on it, and I’m checking in on Tuesday to deal with it. I literally feel amazing. Better than I did at any point before I was pregnant with Cameron. I promise.”

“Oh. Well, if that’s under control, then—” Emily hesitated. “You did plan this, right? It’s not like Cam?”

“We planned it, yeah.” Looking for something to do with her hands, Elizabeth balled up one of the trash bags she’d used to transport the gifts, plucking at the black plastic with her fingers. “I had my pulmonary test in June, two-year anniversary, and it was perfect. No damage to my heart or lungs. Everything was great. And I was thinking this would be the best time if I wanted to have another baby, you know? My classes would be over before I got into the second trimester, and maybe I could deliver just after graduation, before I start looking for a job—”

“No, other than being pregnant during your last year at grad school, it all sounds great. And clearly, it worked out.” Emily tipped her head. “It did, right? Just the way you wanted?”

“The way I wanted, yeah.” Elizabeth wrinkled her nose. “I told you Cameron wants a dog, right? Well, insanely, I suggested to Jason we think about moving even though the next few months are going to be crazy. And he—”

“Didn’t say no and is already working on how to make it happen. My brother has absolutely no interest in saying no to you, so I’m not surprised—” Emily stopped. “Uh, that’s a good thing, Elizabeth. Your husband worships you. We should all be so lucky.”

“You’re married to a literal prince,” Elizabeth reminded Emily with a roll of her eyes. “And he spoils you shamelessly, so I don’t want to hear it.”

“Well, I did deliver the heir to the throne and everything,” Emily said, preening and pretending to buff her nails. “But you know what I mean. Jason loves saying yes to you—”

“Because I almost died a few times,” Elizabeth muttered, sitting on the sofa with a huff. “He said it, you know. I can’t say no to you, even though it is the height of insanity to suggest a dog and a new house when we have a toddler who has special needs and a new baby on the way, plus I’ll be starting a new job — like how much stress do I need to put on Jason?”

Emily sat next to her. “You almost died a lot,” she reminded Elizabeth who just made a face. “So, yeah, okay, Jason still has a little bit of trauma related to that. Just a little. But I honestly think it makes him happy to give you what you want. He knows if he really wants to, he can say no.”

“It’s just…we were doing okay with it all until the clot happened,” Elizabeth said. “I’ve been feeling great. But then Monica gave me the results, and it came back like a wave crashing over me. Everyone keeps telling me not to worry, and I’m telling Jason not to worry, and I’m trying not to, but we’re fighting about the same things. My medication. Monica changed it and I didn’t say anything to Jason. Not because I was keeping it from him, but because we don’t talk about that kind of thing anymore. But since the clot…”

“Back to the old pattern of Jason worrying you’re downplaying the condition, so he won’t worry.” Emily nodded. “It makes sense, Elizabeth, but you guys are in such a different place now—”

“I just…I don’t know. I started to think back, and it was my idea to ask Monica about getting pregnant. My idea to stop using protection. It was my idea,” Elizabeth said, and Emily looked at her. “To put us through this again. Just like it was my idea to go through with it the last time. I’m not saying Jason doesn’t want this baby, and I know how much he loves Cameron. And we talked about having kids before I got pregnant the first time. I know we both wanted it. It’s just…I wonder if maybe when he says he can’t say no to me, he means it.”

“I think you’re obsessing about this so you can focus on that instead of worrying about your health,” Emily said. “If you’re really worried about whether or not Jason was fully on board with having another baby, just ask him.”

“Oh, okay. Thanks. It’s so easy.” She rolled her eyes, got to her feet. “I have to run to Wyndham’s. There’s got to be something else we can get for Morgan, so his pile looks the same as the others.”

“We’ll split the difference, and each pick up something.” Emily followed her to the door. “You’ll talk to Jason, won’t you?”

“Yes,” Elizabeth muttered. “I hate you.”

“You love me,” Emily sang, winding her arm through Elizabeth’s. “Don’t try to fight it.”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

“Hey.” Carly kissed his cheek as she passed Jason at the door, then made a beeline for Cameron. “Where’s my favorite nephew?”

“Aunt Car!” Cameron abandoned his crayons and executed a running leap into his aunt’s arms. “Hi. Hi. Santa come. Morgan. Mikey. Where?”

“They’re with Uncle AJ because Aunt Car forgot a few things at the office.” Carly squeezed him tight, kissed his cheek, then set him down.

“I draw you picture,” Cameron said, returning to his sketchpad and crayons. He stuck his tongue out of the corner of his mouth, considered his collection of colors, then plucked one up.

“What brings you by?” Jason asked.

Carly held up a bag, rustled it. “Let’s talk in the kitchen,” she said, and he nodded.

“Cam, we’ll be in the kitchen. Don’t touch anything.”

“Busy, Daddy. I no touch.”

“I wanted to run a gift idea past you. For Cam, from me. And AJ, I guess,” she added, her cheeks flushing. “As soon as you told me your plan for the dog, I had this idea.” She pulled out a photo frame. “And I already talked to AJ — he said he’ll help from his end. This is a digital photo frame. They’ll take photos every day, even if Cameron is over there, and then you can swap it out every week. I thought we could load the first photos in tomorrow when you tell him, so he can sort of take his puppy home. Even though he can’t do it physically yet.” She bit her lip. “Or is it a terrible idea?”

Jason took the frame from Carly. “A digital photo frame,” he said slowly.

“Yeah, AJ gave Monica a digital camera for her birthday, so they already have one at the house. It’ll be faster than developing photos, and the photos rotate. This way, even though the puppy won’t live with Cameron, he’ll be able to sort of see him every day. I know it’ll be hard when you tell him the dog has to live at his grandmother’s house for a while, so I thought—”

“This is a really, really good idea. I, uh, didn’t know you knew about the dog,” Jason said. “Elizabeth doesn’t, does she?”

“Oh, no, no. Monica just asked for AJ’s help looking after it, and I was with him finishing up the last of the Christmas stuff, so it just made sense. But we were sworn to secrecy because I know it’s for Elizabeth, too.” Carly beamed. “I had a good idea, huh? That almost never happens.”

“No, we should mark the day.” Jason put the frame back in the bag, and she whacked him playfully in the shoulder. “Uh, thank you. For telling me to talk to Elizabeth yesterday. You were…right.”

Carly lifted her brows. “I was right and a good idea, all on one day? I should play the lottery.” Her smile faded slightly. “Things are going too good, aren’t they? Something terrible is going to happen.”

Jason opened his mouth, mystified, but Carly sat at the table, the color fading from her face. “It’s all good,” she repeated. “Perfect, you know. My boys are amazing, and they just get even better all the time. Mama is really close to admitting she and Scotty have been dating for three years, so that’s perfect. Lucas and Felix, they’re really happy, you know. And you—you and Elizabeth—Cam is literally a superhero with how far he’s come this year, and now you’re going to have another perfect baby, and a house, and a dog—and it’s just all perfect, and that’s how I know it’s going to fall apart.”

“Okay, I was with you until the end.” Jason pulled out a chair, sat down. “Carly.”

“It was like this before.” Her knuckles were bone white as she gripped her knees. “Before the panic room. Sonny and me. It was perfect. I mean, there were things in the distance—Ric was still out there, but I just—I was so happy. Michael was happy, and Sonny loved me. He trusted me. And you! You and I were so close, I thought, you know? I was the reason you were happy, because you were getting married, and it was all my idea—and everything was great, and then it just stopped. It was over, and it was all terrible. It all went so wrong—”

“Okay, you need to take a breath.” Jason took Carly’s hand, pressed two fingers to her wrist. “Your pulse is racing, and your pupils are dilating. Let me remind you that yes, Courtney was your idea, and it was a bad idea. Remember? I actually wasn’t happy. And that was your fault. Sort of.”

Carly blinked, looked at him. “What?”

“If you’re going to take credit for putting us together, then you also take the blame,” he said, and some color returned to her cheeks. “In fact, you knew it was a mistake, remember? Everything was not perfect back then, Carly. And you were thinking of objecting to the wedding.”

Carly closed her eyes. “Right. Right.” Her free hand came up to her throat. “Okay. You’re right. It wasn’t perfect.”

“Things are good right now,” he told her softly. “For both of us. And it’s because we worked hard to get there. But they’re not perfect. Elizabeth and I had a fight about her medication this morning, so there’s that. And you’re still having panic attacks.”

“I wish they’d stop. I want them to stop. I’m just—I’m afraid,” she confessed in a quiet voice. “Because we did work really hard. I worked so hard to be a good person. A better one. Someone you can rely on, and who can be trusted, and who you don’t run screaming from when you have a problem—” She looked away. “But Lucas was teasing me today, and I just had this thought—before my brain just froze — I had a thought.”

“What was it?” he asked. He pushed over the tissues that had been sitting at the center of the table. Handed one to her.

“Oh, he was just teasing me about AJ. You know, Christmas — this year, we’ve done it together. We didn’t before, but it was different this year. We shopped together, and then he asked to have Michael for this year, and I was really okay with it. Horrified that maybe I was still not giving him enough time, but then he asked to spend the night so Michael could still be with Morgan, and that was really the nicest thing—I don’t deserve that kind of niceness, you know—”

“We’ll agree to disagree about that,” Jason said dryly, and she sighed.

“We went out to the movies with the boys. And he’s been over for dinner. And Lucas — he didn’t mean anything. He just…he said it was kind of like I was dating my ex-husband, and I thought — oh, God — this is so embarrassing,” she muttered.

“Carly.”

“Oh, I wish. That’s what popped in my head when Lucas said it was like we were dating. I thought, oh, I wish.” She squeezed her eyes closed. “That’s how it starts, you know. I decide I want something, and I break apart the world to get it.” She cleared her throat, swiped at her eyes. “So if I don’t want it, I can’t hurt anyone.”

Jason exhaled slowly, sat up. “You didn’t do all your damage by yourself, Carly. Tony had the affair, too. And I agreed to lie.”

“And what did AJ do?” she asked him, miserable. “What did he do deserve the way I treated him, huh? Oh, okay, he pushed me down the stairs—oh, wait, no, he didn’t. I shoved the engagement ring in his face, and he knocked it away—I lost my balance. That’s what happened that day, and my baby died because of me. But I couldn’t blame myself. No, why do that when AJ was right there, already blaming himself—” She shook her head. “Sonny ended up in prison after I was done with him, AJ had to leave town, and you almost married Courtney. And Tony? Good God. I broke him into little pieces, and I couldn’t bring myself to apologize to him for years, and I have the nerve to daydream about dragging AJ back into that—”

She shoved herself to her feet. “No. No. I’m not doing it. I’m fine the way things are.”

“I think,” Jason said, rising. “You don’t give yourself enough credit. All those crimes you keep listing? Are any of them recent? Are you still making the same mistakes—”

“No. No. But that’s because I’m alone. I’m not trying to be happier than I deserve, okay?” She went to the sink, splashed cold water on her face, then took a deep breath before facing him. “I have everything I need. And after Christmas, after Michael’s birthday, I’ll get back to my normal life, and it won’t matter. This will just be a mortifying memory. Okay?”

“Carly.”

She snatched up the digital frame, shoved it in the bag. “I’ll take this home a-and you let me know what time I can take the first photo tomorrow, okay? I love you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She fled the kitchen, and Jason stared after her, unhappy that he couldn’t fix any of this.

Dante & Cruz’s Apartment: Living Room

It was nearly just before eight that night when Dante finally dropped his mother off at her apartment and headed home. Exhausted from the trip and the turmoil of returning to Bensonhurst, Dante slid his key into the lock, shoved open the door, and was halfway to his room before he realized he wasn’t alone in the apartment.

Lucky and Cruz were lounging on the sofa, each with a beer in hand, with a hockey game on the television.

“That’s such a shitty call,” Cruz complained as Tampa Bay player was sent to the penalty box.

“You’ve lived in New York for four years,” Lucky retorted, with a roll of his eyes. “How can you still root for Tampa Bay?”

“Some things are in the blood.” Cruz glanced over at Dante. “Hey, you’re back. How was the rest of the trip?”

“Since I went back to the hotel after the service and didn’t bother going to the house? Fine.” Dante dropped his duffel and went to get a beer of his own. He wouldn’t mind relaxing with a few beers and some sports with his best friends. Anything to get his mind off what was going on in his life. “You ready for my Rangers to humiliate you?”

Cruz snorted. “Yeah, okay. Dream on. Who’s the defending NHL Champion? Not you.”

“Everyone knows the Oilers are going to kick everyone’s ass this year.” Lucky reached for his cell phone. “We’re going to need pizza. And wings.”

“Toss in some cheese fries,” Dante suggested. Lucky nodded and headed into the kitchen to make the call. When Dante was sure Lucky was out of earshot, he looked at Cruz. “He’s not here avoiding Kelsey again, is he?”

“No. He said they talked. Didn’t get into the details, but it looks like that’s all sorted out. Which is good because I was gonna sic Maxie on him next,” Cruz said.

When Lucky came back, they settled into the game, and Dante found himself enjoying the night more than he’d thought — especially since the Rangers were kicking Tampa’s ass, 3-0 when the food came just before the second intermission.

“Just wait,” Cruz muttered, grabbing a slice from the box resting on top of the stove. “They’ll be back. They’re just settling in.”

Dante snorted. “You wish.” He popped the top from his third beer. “Uh, thanks by the way,” he said almost on a mutter. He looked at Lucky. “I wasn’t expecting anyone, much less both of you. And Lu and Maxie.”

“I’d like to take credit for the idea,” Lucky said, leaning against the fridge with a small plate piled high with wings. “But you know it was Maxie. She thought someone should be there. And she knew Lulu wouldn’t go alone.”

“Still. It, uh, mattered.” Dante cleared his throat. “Ma took it hard, you know. Being back with the family and them not really welcoming her. I think maybe me being there made it harder, so I made myself scarce afterward. I went to some of the old places today before we headed to the airport, but it’s not home anymore. I already knew that, I think, but I guess I had to see it again to be sure.”

He looked at Lucky. “I’m sorry, man, for spacing out the last few weeks. I didn’t want to put you in the middle of things with Lu, so I just…dipped. You didn’t deserve that.”

“I knew what was going on.” Lucky shrugged. He tossed the remains of some of wings to the trash, occupied himself with wiping his fingers with a napkin, his eyes averted. “I was avoiding my own thing. Like I told, Cruz, it’s all good now. Me and Kelse, we’re back on track.”

“Good. Good.”

“Yeah. We just needed to be in our heads for a little, but it’s sorted now.” Lucky looked back at Dante. “But here’s the thing. You and Lu, it’s still out there. Whatever ends up happening, you’re my best friend, and that’s not changing. But she’s my little sister. I just need you to be fair to her.”

“I know. I will be. She deserves it.”

“Game’s back on,” Cruz said, snagging another beer. “Time for my Lightning to come back and rock your world, Falconieri.”

“I bet you fifty my guys finish the shutout,” Dante said, following him back to the living room, his good mood restored. Even knowing he’d have to talk to Lu in a few days and put the period on their relationship, it had been an amazing three years. He never would have made it this far without her. He wouldn’t change it for the world.

But he did end up wishing that he hadn’t made the bet with Cruz because Tampa Bay came back and tied the game within the first six minutes of the third period — and ended up winning.

“Son of a bitch.”

Cruz held out his hands, wiggled with a grin. “Pay up.”

Morgan Penthouse: Master Bedroom

“Oh. I cannot wait for Christmas to be over.” Elizabeth flopped onto the bed, throwing one arm over her eyes. “I never want to move from here.”

Jason dumped the damp towels from Cameron’s nighttime bath into the hamper. “I told you I’d do the bath and the story tonight,” he reminded her.

“No, no. If we’re both home, we both do it. That’s just how it is.” She felt the weight of the mattress dip as he stretched out next to her, both of them laying atop the comforter. “I know where I went wrong. Wyndham’s. Emily and I braved the madness of it because Morgan’s pile was just a little too small. People are insane this time of year. Some lady elbowed Emily because she was reaching for this stupid Darth Vader voice changer, and I thought Em was going to pummel her.”

“Maybe we need to bring back full-time bodyguards,” Jason said, only half-joking. They hadn’t needed that level of security in a few years which was nice, but sometimes he missed the comfort of knowing the most important people in his life were being protected twenty-four seven.

“Don’t joke. Next year, I’m siccing Cody on them.” Elizabeth sat up, wincing and rubbed her shoulder. Without thinking, Jason sat up and began to rub them. “You really spoil me too much,” she grumbled, but rolled her head to the side as he massaged out a knot. “Emily, um, accidentally found out about the baby. The sweater didn’t hide him as much today,” she said, pressing a hand to the bulge beneath her pink cotton sleep shirt.

“I’m surprised we kept it as quiet as long as we did.” He leaned down, brushed his lips against her neck. “But I’m sure she was happy.”

“She was.” Elizabeth twisted, tucking one of her legs beneath his. “Um, I have a question. The other night, when I brought up the dog and moving, and you said you can’t say no to me—”

“You’re going to have to wait until tomorrow to find out how I managed both of those,” he interrupted with a smile. But instead of smiling back, her eyes filled with tears and her face crumbled. “Did you change your mind? Because I didn’t do anything yet. Well, except the dog. That’s kind of a done deal, and if you—”

“You did mean it, didn’t you—” She sniffled, yanked a tissue from the box on the night table. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to cry. It just—they’re always right there these days.”

“Hey—” Already exhausted by the fight that morning and the scene with Carly, Jason was ready to promise Elizabeth whatever she wanted if she just stopped crying. “Hey. Whatever it is, I can fix it. Just tell me—”

“I don’t need you to fix it—” She sucked in a shaky breath. “You meant it, you can’t say no to me, can you?”

“Uh—” Bewildered, Jason sat back on his heels, not sure if he should touch her. Would it make it worse? “Is that a bad thing?”

“No. No. God, I’m such a ridiculous sight right now.” She shoved herself off the bed, headed for the bathroom, and Jason decided to remain where he was on the bed, though he slid to the edge and let his legs fall over the side, listening as she washed her face, and took a minute to herself.

Elizabeth returned, closing the door to the master behind her, and leaned against it. “I’m going to ask you a question, okay, and I need to you answer it honestly. I know you don’t lie to me, but sometimes you look for a kind or nice way to tell me things you think I won’t like, and I don’t want you to worry about that. Just answer me, okay?”

“Uh, okay.” Jason scratched the corner of his eye. He’d forgotten how the mood swings of pregnancy, he thought. “What’s the question?”

“Did I push you into having a second child? I mean, this was my idea. We know that. But did you feel like you could say no once I brought it up?”

Jason just stared at her, his mind completely blank. He had no idea where that thought could have come from or what he was supposed to do with that question. “Uh—”

“Because it was just a joke, I thought, when we teased each other about how much you spoil me. But it’s not. Because I made an absolutely ridiculous request to get our toddler a dog when we live in a penthouse, and then told you I wanted to move—you know all the reasons this is a terrible idea, but you’re doing it anyway. Because you feel like you can’t say no to me.”

“Okay. Uh, let’s start with that, okay, because that’s easier to answer,” Jason decided, and she sighed, looked down at her toes, curling into the carpet. “If I want to say no to you, I absolutely would. And could. But if you want something, and I can get it for you, I’ll do that. These are not the same things. And you didn’t ask about a dog out of nowhere. Cameron asked for one. And we both know we have an equal problem spoiling him. We need to work on that,” he admitted, “but it’s hard because well…he’s Cameron. But he asked for a dog, and we don’t want to say no. So you did what I do — you found a way to make it viable. A dog needs a backyard. So why not move. It’s logical, Elizabeth. And, let’s face it, we don’t have to make moving stressful. I can pay people to pack this place up and unpack it somewhere else, and you never have to lift a finger. So it’s not nearly as ridiculous as you think it is.”

“Okay. Okay, maybe, but—”

“But if you’re asking me if I ever would have asked you to have another child — for you to get pregnant and put yourself through it, no. I wouldn’t have.”

She picked at her nails, didn’t look up at him. Jason crossed to stand in front of her, reaching for the hand she was abusing. “Can you look at me?”

Elizabeth did, raising her chin. Her eyes were still swimming with tears. “So I did push you into this.”

“No. That’s different. If I didn’t want more kids, I’d tell you. I would,” he promised. He pressed the hand he held against his heart. “I love Cameron. I love being his father. And I love watching you be his mother. The two of you, what we have together, it’s more than I ever thought it would be. But I never would have asked you to go through this again. You nearly killed yourself to bring Cameron into this world. And you fought hard to get healthy again. I don’t feel like I could ever ask you to risk any of this again because I want more kids.”

Elizabeth bit her lip, tipped her head to the side. “But you do want more?”

“Sure. I think we’re good at this. But it’s your body, Elizabeth, and you get to decide when and if you want to carry more babies.” He rested his hand over the curve of their child, knowing that they were still weeks away from feeling the baby kick. “Maybe if we do this again, you might want a surrogate. Or adoption. There’s other options out there if you want more kids after this one, and you don’t want to worry about the risk.”

“I didn’t really think—” She sighed, leaned forward, resting her forehead against his chest. His arms encircled her. “I didn’t think about that part of it. I should have. Of course you wouldn’t bring it up first.”

“I love you. There’s nothing that makes me happier than coming home to you, and to Cameron, and in a few months, we’ll have this baby, too.”

“I just sometimes wish I felt like it wasn’t always so…” Elizabeth leaned back slightly, wrinkling her nose. “One-sided. You know, everyone always talks about how you spoil me, but they should be able to say that about me, right? They don’t. I should be giving to you, too.”

“Are you kidding—”

“And don’t talk about giving you Cameron and the baby. That’s—you did that, too, you know. I wasn’t alone over there—” She tipped her head to the bed behind her, and he grinned, thinking of it. Her cheeks flushed. “But that’s something we give to each other. I just…I want you to feel as loved and special as I do, you know? But all I do is drive you crazy—”

“You give me dreams,” Jason interrupted softly, and she blinked, looked at him with bewilderment. “I don’t have them, remember? But you give them to me, and I make them real. I can’t do that without you. I can’t do any of it without you.”

“I’m sorry I’m so insane.” She wrapped her arms around his waist, and he held her close, rocking her a bit.

“It’s never boring,” he admitted, and he felt her chuckle more than he heard it. “Actually, if we’re talking about something I need right now, I have a problem I don’t know how to fix. Maybe you have an idea.”

“Well, I can’t get any more pregnant,” she said, and he rolled his eyes, taking her by the hand to lead her over to the bed.

“No, not that,” he said, “but hold on that one, okay? It’s Carly. I want to help her, but I don’t know what to do.”

---

Special thanks to Steve Holley on Twitter who helped me out with the hockey game Dante, Lucky, and Cruz were watching. He tracked down the time for me so I could accurately place it on the right time. That was a real game that aired on December 23, 2006 with Tampa coming back from a 3-0 deficit, lol.