You’re here where you should be
Snow is falling as the carolers sing
It just wasn’t the same
Alone on Christmas day
Presents, what a beautiful sight
Don’t mean a thing if you ain’t holding me tight
You’re all that I need
Underneath the tree
– Underneath the Tree, Kelly Clarkson

---

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Morgan Penthouse: Master Bedroom

Jason stepped out of the shower, wrapped a towel around his waist, and grabbed another to dry his hair. “Two days in a row?”

Elizabeth spit out her toothpaste and met his eyes in the mirror with a smirk. “And you doubted me. I told you, all I needed was to get up early once—” She turned around, leaned against the counter, toothbrush still in hand. “Think of how much fun we could have had if you’d just let the alarm wake me up early.”

“I think,” he murmured, leaning in to brush his lips against her neck, just beneath her earlobe, “we did just fine without the extra hour.”

“Mmm, don’t distract me.” Elizabeth pulled away. “I have a thousand things to do before I head over to the house later with the gifts we’re letting Cam open tomorrow. And I’m meeting with Gail for breakfast about the free clinic project—” She set her toothbrush back in the holder, then reached for the bottle of pills that had been her constant companion since she’d nearly died from a pulmonary embolism. She tossed back two, chased it with water.

“Those look different,” Jason said, tossing the damp hair towel into the hamper.

“Yeah, Monica switched them after she found the clot. Not blood thinners, but, um, something to do with whatever the T stood for in CTEPH.” Elizabeth set the bottle back inside the medicine cabinet. “I told you she’s running another scan before the procedure. She’s hoping to break the clot up with meds. Avoid the procedure.”

“Thromboembolic,” Jason supplied. “The T,” he added when she frowned at him. “That’s it stood for.” He took the pills back from the cabinet, read the name. “Then this is a thrombolytic.”

“Sure.”

“Those are the ones that break up the clot. Your heparin was supposed to prevent them.”

She sighed. “You know, I haven’t missed these conversations at all.” She plucked the bottle from his grasp. “I’m only taking these until Tuesday. If they don’t work, Monica is doing the procedure and it’s back on the heparin until I die.” She wrinkled her nose. “Can we not talk about this? I feel fine. I’m not short of breath. I’m not tired. I barely even feel pregnant, except for, you know—” She rested her hand on the bulge beneath her sleep tank. “My clothes not fitting as well anymore.”

“You’re taking thrombolytics,” Jason said, grimly, taking the bottle back. “Did Monica talk to you about the risks?”

“No, because Monica just got out of med school, and I’m an idiot.” She snatched it back, and stalked into the bedroom, and Jason followed her. “Why don’t you just go and call her?”

“Why are you getting angry with me?” he asked. He yanked open a drawer, whipped out a pair of jeans. “I’m just asking about the medication. I wasn’t there when she prescribed it. I didn’t even know thrombolytics came in pill form. I thought they were all IV—”

“I don’t know. Monica said we were changing the medication to break up the clots, and I nodded. I don’t ask her a lot of questions. I’ve never needed to.” She shoved the pills into her purse. “These could be aspirin for all I know. I figure she likes me, she’d like to see our son born without problems, so I trust her to make the right calls. I mean, is there a reason I shouldn’t?”

“No. No.” Jason exhaled slowly. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight about this.”

“I don’t either.” She bit her lip. “I’m sorry, too. You usually do better with all the information, I know that. And it drives you crazy when I don’t ask for it. I just…want to ignore it.”

“Then we will.” Jason took her arms, wound them around his neck and drew her in close. “We will, I promise. It’s the last time I’ll bring it up.”

“Unless I’m not feeling well, and you’ll be the first person I tell.” She kissed him, lingering for a long moment before regretfully pulling back. “I need a shower. I have to get started on that long list, and you need to keep Cameron distracted while I get those gifts out of the closet downstairs.”

“Whatever you want.”

Kelly’s: Dining Room

Maxie dropped into her chair with a grunt. “No one should get up that early for a flight and deal with the airport, I don’t care if it’s faster than driving.” She peered blearily at her sister, standing over them with an order pad. “All the caffeine in the land. Chop chop.”

Georgie rolled her eyes, tapped her pencil against the pad. “Same for you, Lu?”

“Yeah, make mine a double.” Lu leaned back in her chair, stifled a yawn. “Did you get any sleep in the hotel?”

“No.” Maxie made a face. “I go all the way to New York City, and I end up in a Hilton. Those mattresses are like rocks. When I’m rich and famous, I will only sleep on feathers.”

Georgie returned with two mugs of coffee and a dish with containers of sugar and cream. “I guess I shouldn’t ask how the funeral was.”

“It was a funeral. It was sad.” Lulu scowled. “And his stupid family pissed me off. How could they let his mom sit all by herself at the end of the row? And you just know they wouldn’t let Dante sit with the rest of the family.”

“I hope his grandmother is burning in hell, saving a place for Vinnie and every other Falconieri who took his side,” Maxie muttered. She sipped her coffee, then closed her eyes. “Twenty minutes. I might feel human.”

“Why start now?” Lulu asked, and Maxie flicked the wrapper from her discarded cream container at her.

“Did you and Dante have a chance to talk?” Georgie wanted to know.

“No. No. It wasn’t the time for that. We just went so he’d know…well, so he knew he wasn’t alone. And I don’t even know what to say to him anymore.” Lulu bit her lip. “Maybe I could have one kid, you know? They’re not terrible. Carly’s gremlins seem okay, and Liz’s son is kind of cute.”

“They’re not terrible,” Maxie repeated. She rested her chin on her first, her eyes sparkling. “What a ringing endorsement for motherhood. Remember the last pregnant person we were around?”

“Elizabeth is different. She was sick—”

“And look how much better she was when she stopped being pregnant. Baby just dragged her down. Sure, the little guy is cute,” Maxie said with shrug, “but I’m not putting anything in my body that might kill me. I don’t even smoke.”

“But you do drink,” Georgie pointed out, and Maxie sent her a dirty look. “What? I’m not allowed to point that out?”

“Plus, pregnancy just messes with your body. The stretch marks? I also heard that your feet size can change. There’s this little parasite growing inside of you. Absolutely not. I would never.” Maxie shuddered.

Georgie rolled her eyes. “Ignore her,” she told Lulu. “As the daughter of someone who liked the idea of being father much more than the actual practice of it, don’t have a kid just to make Dante happy. Do you really want to get pregnant, and then raise a baby? Because if the answer is no, it’s just no.”

“But if I don’t have a kid, Dante’s definitely going to break up with me—not that he made it like an ultimatum,” Lulu said, “but we can’t keep pretending this isn’t happening. I don’t want to lose him.”

Maxie jabbed a finger at her. “Ten years from now when your body is destroyed and your brain is fried from little Dante Junior, you’ll look back at this moment and you’ll wish I smacked you some sense into you. Do you want to have kids, Lu?”

Lulu stared down at her hands, then sighed. “No. I don’t.”

“Then that’s the end of it. There’s nothing wrong with it, by the way. Not everyone should be a parent. I can make you a long list of people who shot out kids that have no business putting their names on a birth certificate. It’s great for people who want it, but you don’t. Let Dante go start the next generation with someone else.”

“What if I regret it one day?” Lulu said. “What if I wake up five years from now, and he’s married to a perfect woman who gave him the kids he wanted, and I’ll wish it was me—”

“What if you wake up one day and regret being a mother? You can always have a kid later, Lu. But if you have one now, man, you don’t ever get to change your mind. Not without people thinking you’re an asshole.” Maxie lifted her brows. “So, which one are you going to be?”

Lucky & Kelsey’s Apartment: Living Room

Lucky dropped his duffel bag next to the sofa, and his keys on the table before making his way over to the kitchen and the coffee pot. He frowned when he realized there was already a full pot ready.

“I figured it would be your first stop when you got in, so I set the timer.”

He turned, saw Kelsey in the open doorway to their bedroom, her dark hair bundled on top of her head. She swore a long-sleeved gray top with a pair of pink cotton pants — clearly she’d only just woken.

“It’s early. You could get some more sleep.”

She smiled faintly, crossed the room to slide her arms around his waist and lean up for a kiss. Almost as if they hadn’t spent a month freezing each other out. He cupped her face in his hands, not letting her pull back. “I missed you,” he said softly, his eyes searching hers. “I wish you could have come.”

“Me, too. But I had to deal with work.” Kelsey pulled back and went to the cabinet for two mugs, and Lucky retrieved her favorite creamer from the fridge. “It’s stupid to ask how the funeral was, I guess.”

“Sad,” Lucky admitted. He slid onto one of the stools. “Dante never really talked about his grandmother. Even after he went back to work, and everything died down about Sonny and Vinnie.”

“I can’t imagine how he feels. Knowing there’s no chance of fixing everything. No reunion.” She wrapped her hands around her prepared coffee. “We could just…pretend the last few weeks didn’t happen. I, um, thought about doing that. Just avoiding the whole thing. Since we put up the tree the other night.” She flicked her eyes towards the corner of the living room, the lights twinkling.

“We could.” Lucky considered his coffee. “Is that what you want to do?”

“What I wanted to do was go to my mother’s in Buffalo while you were in New York.”

Lucky jolted at that, set the mug down, the coffee splashing over the edge to his fingers. “What?”

Kelsey sighed. “But I talked to your mother first, and well, that was a terrible idea. So I’m not going to do that.”

“Why—” He forced out the words. “Why—what did I do? Why do you want to leave me—”

“I don’t. God, Lucky, of course I don’t.” She came around the counter, and he turned, pulling her between his legs. “It’s just—I knew we’d have to talk about why it’s been so awful, and I didn’t want to do that. I still…” She touched his chest, picking at the fabric of his shirt, staring at it. “We didn’t plan this summer. We were going to wait.”

“I know.”

“When it…when it was over,” Kelsey said, biting her lip, flicking her eyes up to his, then quickly looking away, “it was awful. I don’t know how it can hurt so much to lose something that wasn’t even real.”

Lucky stroked her arms. “It was real to us,” he told her softly. “It was real.”

She closed her eyes, nodded. “The thing is — you just…you talked about trying for another baby like it…like it was nothing. Like it was…”

“Replacing what we lost,” Lucky said. She didn’t answer but he saw it in her eyes. “I’m sorry. I never meant to make you feel that way.”

“I know. I know. I told myself that, but I just—I still want kids. I want a family. With you,” she added. “I just…want to wait. A little longer.”

“Sure. Whatever you need. I just need you. The rest of that can wait.”

She smiled, and this time it reached her eyes. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I love you. This—” He leaned in, kissed her briefly. “You? It’s all I want.”

Brownstone: Hallway

Lucas stepped into the hallway, pulled the door shut, then twisted the knob to be sure he’d locked it behind him. Before he could head down the stairs, he heard footsteps and a voice. He glanced down from the landing to see his sister leave his mother’s apartment, and head towards the stairs.

“No, that’s a great idea. I’m sure Monica can keep them distracted long enough—yeah, I can ask him but I’m sure—” Carly glanced up, met Lucas’s gaze. “Oh, give me a minute, he’s standing right here.” She pressed the phone against her chest. “Lucas, AJ was wondering if we can stash the presents in your place so we can move them into my living room without waking up the boys.”

“Yeah, sure. Grab the spare key from Mom.”

“You’re the best.” Carly refocused on the call. “Yeah, he’s okay with it. It’ll make it easier. I’ll see you then.” She slid the phone into her purse and climbed the last few steps. “Thanks. I think we could have managed the smaller stuff, but Michael’s bikes would be impossible, I think.”

“AJ’s coming over to help with the presents?” Lucas lifted a brow. “That’s interesting. Don’t you guys usually do separate Christmases?”

“This year, um, we’re experimenting with…combining, I guess.” Carly hesitated. “He’s going to spend the night in one of Mama’s guest rooms and be up here for the morning. Instead of waiting to see him, AJ will get to have him first thing, but this way Michael can still be with Morgan.”

“Well, that’ll be nice.” Lucas smirked. “One big happy family.”

Carly narrowed her eyes, then twisted on her heel, making a beeline towards her apartment door across the hall. “Don’t start.”

“What? Every time I turn around the last few weeks, AJ is hanging around.” Lucas leaned against his door. “Very friendly for a pair of exes.”

“I worked very hard at being able to co-parent with AJ. Very hard,” Carly repeated. “We’ve come a long way, and, you know, we’re putting Michael first.”

“Uh huh. How was the movie the other night? The one with the dancing penguins?”

Carly pursed her lips. “It was fine.”

“And Chinese food last night?”

“Lucas—”

“Kind of feels like you’ve been dating your ex-husband.” He shrugged, turned towards the stairs. “But hey, what do I know, right?”

“It can’t happen.”

Her voice was quiet, different and Lucas turned back to her, to his sister. A few years ago, the word wouldn’t have come easily to his mind. But just like AJ, Lucas and Carly had worked hard to build that relationship, and it mattered to him. She looked small, standing in the doorway, key in hand, and he didn’t like it.

“I’m just teasing, Carly—”

“No, I know, but it can’t—” She bit her lip. “It can’t. Michael’s too important. I’ve messed up his life so many times, and I finally fixed it, you know? He has the life he deserves and I’m fine just the way I am. I always screw it up when I try to reach too high. This is more than I ever thought I’d have.”

Lucas furrowed his brow. “What does that mean?”

“I have a family. I have Mama, and the boys, and you. And Jason. I have enough. I’m okay, just the way it is. I don’t need more. I don’t…I don’t need it.”

He stepped towards her. “You don’t need it, or you don’t deserve it?”

She looked down, stared hard at the palms of her hand. “I spent a lot of years bringing nothing but pain to people, Lucas. You know that. I hurt you and Mama, and Tony. And Jason. And AJ. Michael. My adoptive mother, Virginia. I did a lot of damage.”

“We forgave you—”

She lifted her eyes, tears shimmering. “Sure. I know. But um, maybe that was because you felt sorry for me. AJ does. I, um, was really messed up a few years ago, and I’m not…I mean, I’m better, but I still have some bad moments, you know? I couldn’t have handled any of that without you. And Mama. But AJ — he was really there at the end of it all, and I just—I have what I have because of what happened to me.”

“You think because you still have panic attacks every once in a while, that’s why I’m nice to you? Why AJ’s coming around so much?”

“No. No. Of course not. But it’s—this is so stupid—” Carly brushed at the tears on her cheeks. “Don’t pay any attention to me, okay? I just get ridiculous around this time of year.”

Lucas considered his next words carefully. “You didn’t deserve what happened to you. You know that right?”

Carly stared at him, stunned. Shaken. “No. I mean, yes, of course, I know that.”

“The panic room, what Sonny put you through, Ric—that wasn’t the universe punishing you for the affair with my dad and lying about Michael. Or whatever you do did to AJ. That wasn’t punishment. That’s not how karma works.”

“I-I know that.” She cleared her throat. “I do. I just—I don’t see the point in pushing my luck that’s all. Not when things are going well.”

“All right.” He’d said what he needed to say, and that would have to be enough. “Don’t forget to grab the spare key for my place. I’m late to meet Felix and some friends for a movie.”

Quartermaine Estate: Front Parlor

Elizabeth stepped back and studied the pile of gifts she’d stashed under the tree with Emily’s help. “We overdid it, didn’t we?”

Emily made a face, folded her arms. “Look, we got like four kids under the age of ten who still believe in Santa—and don’t start with me, Spencer totally believes.”

“I would never argue about that.” Elizabeth shoved up the sleeves of her sweater, then crouched down to readjust a few things. “Maybe I can run out grab another gift or two. I feel like Morgan’s pile isn’t as good as it should be.” She tried to get back them, then sighed and sat back on her heels. “I can’t get up.”

Emily rolled her eyes and reached out to haul Elizabeth to her feet. She stumbled slightly, falling into Emily, whose eyes widened. “Uh, what is that?” Her sister-in-law pressed a hand to Elizabeth’s belly, the curve hidden by the bulk of her sweater. “Elizabeth Imogene. What are you not telling us?”

“Oh, shoot—” Elizabeth bit her lip, but couldn’t hide her smile. “We’re telling everyone tomorrow.” She smoothed her hands around her belly, flattening her sweater so that it was more evident. “Sixteen weeks along.”

“Oh my God!” Emily did a dance in place, then clapped her hands together. “Oh, this is amazing! I had no idea! You and Jason, you little stinkers! You didn’t say a word!”

“No, I wanted to wait until I was out of the third trimester to tell anyone.” Elizabeth made a face. “The miscarriage risk was really high early on because of, well, everything. And Monica knew, so don’t be mad at her.”

“I would never. Of course Mom had to know, right? And that sucks for the risk, but you’re good now, right? I mean, you and Jason wouldn’t have planned this if you weren’t, and I know how insane he takes this kind of thing.”

Elizabeth opened her mouth, then closed it, considering her next words carefully. “There’s a small blood clot,” she said, and Emily’s smile faded. “There’s no reason to be worried. Monica’s on it, and I’m checking in on Tuesday to deal with it. I literally feel amazing. Better than I did at any point before I was pregnant with Cameron. I promise.”

“Oh. Well, if that’s under control, then—” Emily hesitated. “You did plan this, right? It’s not like Cam?”

“We planned it, yeah.” Looking for something to do with her hands, Elizabeth balled up one of the trash bags she’d used to transport the gifts, plucking at the black plastic with her fingers. “I had my pulmonary test in June, two-year anniversary, and it was perfect. No damage to my heart or lungs. Everything was great. And I was thinking this would be the best time if I wanted to have another baby, you know? My classes would be over before I got into the second trimester, and maybe I could deliver just after graduation, before I start looking for a job—”

“No, other than being pregnant during your last year at grad school, it all sounds great. And clearly, it worked out.” Emily tipped her head. “It did, right? Just the way you wanted?”

“The way I wanted, yeah.” Elizabeth wrinkled her nose. “I told you Cameron wants a dog, right? Well, insanely, I suggested to Jason we think about moving even though the next few months are going to be crazy. And he—”

“Didn’t say no and is already working on how to make it happen. My brother has absolutely no interest in saying no to you, so I’m not surprised—” Emily stopped. “Uh, that’s a good thing, Elizabeth. Your husband worships you. We should all be so lucky.”

“You’re married to a literal prince,” Elizabeth reminded Emily with a roll of her eyes. “And he spoils you shamelessly, so I don’t want to hear it.”

“Well, I did deliver the heir to the throne and everything,” Emily said, preening and pretending to buff her nails. “But you know what I mean. Jason loves saying yes to you—”

“Because I almost died a few times,” Elizabeth muttered, sitting on the sofa with a huff. “He said it, you know. I can’t say no to you, even though it is the height of insanity to suggest a dog and a new house when we have a toddler who has special needs and a new baby on the way, plus I’ll be starting a new job — like how much stress do I need to put on Jason?”

Emily sat next to her. “You almost died a lot,” she reminded Elizabeth who just made a face. “So, yeah, okay, Jason still has a little bit of trauma related to that. Just a little. But I honestly think it makes him happy to give you what you want. He knows if he really wants to, he can say no.”

“It’s just…we were doing okay with it all until the clot happened,” Elizabeth said. “I’ve been feeling great. But then Monica gave me the results, and it came back like a wave crashing over me. Everyone keeps telling me not to worry, and I’m telling Jason not to worry, and I’m trying not to, but we’re fighting about the same things. My medication. Monica changed it and I didn’t say anything to Jason. Not because I was keeping it from him, but because we don’t talk about that kind of thing anymore. But since the clot…”

“Back to the old pattern of Jason worrying you’re downplaying the condition, so he won’t worry.” Emily nodded. “It makes sense, Elizabeth, but you guys are in such a different place now—”

“I just…I don’t know. I started to think back, and it was my idea to ask Monica about getting pregnant. My idea to stop using protection. It was my idea,” Elizabeth said, and Emily looked at her. “To put us through this again. Just like it was my idea to go through with it the last time. I’m not saying Jason doesn’t want this baby, and I know how much he loves Cameron. And we talked about having kids before I got pregnant the first time. I know we both wanted it. It’s just…I wonder if maybe when he says he can’t say no to me, he means it.”

“I think you’re obsessing about this so you can focus on that instead of worrying about your health,” Emily said. “If you’re really worried about whether or not Jason was fully on board with having another baby, just ask him.”

“Oh, okay. Thanks. It’s so easy.” She rolled her eyes, got to her feet. “I have to run to Wyndham’s. There’s got to be something else we can get for Morgan, so his pile looks the same as the others.”

“We’ll split the difference, and each pick up something.” Emily followed her to the door. “You’ll talk to Jason, won’t you?”

“Yes,” Elizabeth muttered. “I hate you.”

“You love me,” Emily sang, winding her arm through Elizabeth’s. “Don’t try to fight it.”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

“Hey.” Carly kissed his cheek as she passed Jason at the door, then made a beeline for Cameron. “Where’s my favorite nephew?”

“Aunt Car!” Cameron abandoned his crayons and executed a running leap into his aunt’s arms. “Hi. Hi. Santa come. Morgan. Mikey. Where?”

“They’re with Uncle AJ because Aunt Car forgot a few things at the office.” Carly squeezed him tight, kissed his cheek, then set him down.

“I draw you picture,” Cameron said, returning to his sketchpad and crayons. He stuck his tongue out of the corner of his mouth, considered his collection of colors, then plucked one up.

“What bring you by?” Jason asked.

Carly held up a bag, rustled it. “Let’s talk in the kitchen,” she said, and he nodded.

“Cam, we’ll be in the kitchen. Don’t touch anything.”

“Busy, Daddy. I no touch.”

“I wanted to run a gift idea past you. For Cam, from me. And AJ, I guess,” she added, her cheeks flushing. “As soon as you told me your plan for the dog, I had the best idea and wanted to run it past you.” She pulled out a photo frame. “And I already talked to AJ — he said he’ll help from his end. This is a digital photo frame. They’ll take photos every day, even if Cameron is over there, and then you can swap it out every week. I thought we could load the first photos in tomorrow when you tell him, so he can take his puppy home. Even though he can’t do it yet.” She bit her lip. “Or is it a terrible idea?”

Jason took the frame from Carly. “A digital photo frame,” he said slowly.

“Yeah, AJ gave Monica a digital camera for her birthday, so they already have one at the house. It’ll be faster than developing photos, and the photos rotate. This way, even though the puppy won’t live with Cameron, he’ll be able to sort of see him every day. I know it’ll be hard when you tell him the dog has to live at his grandmother’s house for a while, so I thought—”

“This is a really, really good idea. I, uh, didn’t know you knew about the dog,” Jason said. “Elizabeth doesn’t, does she?”

“Oh, no, no. Monica just asked for AJ’s help looking after it, and I was with him finishing up the last of the Christmas stuff, so it just made sense. But we were sworn to secrecy because I know it’s for Elizabeth, too.” Carly beamed. “I had a good idea, huh? That almost never happens.”

“No, we should mark the day.” Jason put the frame back in the bag, and she whacked him playfully in the shoulder. “Uh, thank you. For telling me to talk to Elizabeth yesterday. You were…right.”

Carly lifted her brows. “I was right and a good idea, all on one day? I should play the lottery.” Her smile faded slightly. “Things are going too good, aren’t they? Something terrible is going to happen.”

Jason opened his mouth, mystified, but Carly sat at the table, the color fading from her face. “It’s all good,” she repeated. “Perfect, you know. My boys are amazing, and they just get even better all the time. Mama is really close to admitting she and Scotty have been dating for three years, so that’s perfect. Lucas and Felix, they’re really happy, you know. And you—you and Elizabeth—Cam is literally a superhero with how far he’s come this year, and now you’re going to have another perfect baby, and a house, and a dog—and it’s just all perfect, and that’s how I know it’s going to fall apart.”

“Okay, I was with you until the end.” Jason pulled out a chair, sat down. “Carly.”

“It was like this before.” Her knuckles were bone white as she gripped her knees. “Before the panic room. Sonny and me. It was perfect. I mean, there were things in the distance—Ric was still out there, but I just—I was so happy. Michael was happy, and Sonny loved me. He trusted me. And you! You and I were so close, I thought, you know? I was the reason you were happy, because you were getting married, and it was all my idea—and everything was great, and then it just stopped. It was over, and it was all terrible. It all went so wrong—”

“Okay, you need to take a breath.” Jason took Carly’s hand, pressed two fingers to her wrist. “Your pulse is racing, and your pupils are dilating. Let me remind you that yes, Courtney was your idea, and it was a bad idea. Remember? I actually wasn’t happy. And that was your fault. Sort of.”

Carly blinked, looked at him. “What?”

“If you’re going to take credit for putting us together, then you also take the blame,” he said, and some color returned to her cheeks. “In fact, you knew it was a mistake, remember? Everything was not perfect back then, Carly. And you were thinking of objecting to the wedding.”

Carly closed her eyes. “Right. Right.” Her free hand came up to her throat. “Okay. You’re right. It wasn’t perfect.”

“Things are good right now,” he told her softly. “For both of us. And it’s because we worked hard to get there. But they’re not perfect. Elizabeth and I had a fight about her medication this morning, so there’s that. And you’re still having panic attacks.”

“I wish they’d stop. I want them to stop. I’m just—I’m afraid,” she confessed in a quiet voice. “Because we did work really hard. I worked so hard to be a good person. A better one. Someone you can rely on, and who can be trusted, and who you don’t run screaming from when you have a problem—” She looked away. “But Lucas was teasing me today, and I just had this thought—before my brain just froze — I had a thought.”

“What was it?” he asked. He pushed over the tissues that had been sitting at the center of the table. Handed one to her.

“Oh, he was just teasing me about AJ. You know, Christmas — this year, we’ve done it together. We didn’t before, but it was different this year. We shopped together, and then he asked to have Michael for this year, and I was really okay with it. Horrified that maybe I was still not giving him enough time, but then he asked to spend the night so Michael could still be with Morgan, and that was really the nicest thing—I don’t deserve that kind of niceness, you know—”

“We’ll agree to disagree about that,” Jason said dryly, and she sighed.

“We went out to the movies with the boys. And he’s been over for dinner. And Lucas — he didn’t mean anything. He just…he said it was kind of like I was dating my ex-husband, and I thought — oh, God — this is so embarrassing,” she muttered.

“Carly.”

“Oh, I wish. That’s what popped in my head when Lucas said it was like we were dating. I thought, oh, I wish.” She squeezed her eyes closed. “That’s how it starts, you know. I decide I want something, and I break apart the world to get it.” She cleared her throat, swiped at her eyes. “So if I don’t want it, I can’t hurt anyone.”

Jason exhaled slowly, sat up. “You didn’t do all your damage by yourself, Carly. Tony had the affair, too. And I agreed to lie.”

“And what did AJ do?” she asked him, miserable. “What did he do deserve the way I treated him, huh? Oh, okay, he pushed me down the stairs—oh, wait, no, he didn’t. I shoved the engagement ring in his face, and he knocked it away—I lost my balance. That’s what happened that day, and my baby died because of me. But I couldn’t blame myself. No, why do that when AJ was right there, already blaming himself—” She shook her head. “Sonny ended up in prison after I was done with him, AJ had to leave town, and you almost married Courtney. And Tony? Good God. I broke him into little pieces, and I couldn’t bring myself to apologize to him for years, and I have the nerve to daydream about dragging AJ back into that—”

She shoved herself to her feet. “No. No. I’m not doing it. I’m fine the way things are.”

“I think,” Jason said, rising. “You don’t give yourself enough credit. All those crimes you keep listing? Are any of them recent? Are you still making the same mistakes—”

“No. No. But that’s because I’m alone. I’m not trying to be happier than I deserve, okay?” She went to the sink, splashed cold water on her face, then took a deep breath before facing him. “I have everything I need. And after Christmas, after Michael’s birthday, I’ll get back to my normal life, and it won’t matter. This will just be a mortifying memory. Okay?”

“Carly.”

She snatched up the digital frame, shoved it in the bag. “I’ll take this home a-and you let me know what time I can take the first photo tomorrow, okay? I love you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She fled the kitchen, and Jason stared after her, unhappy that he couldn’t fix any of this.

Dante & Cruz’s Apartment: Living Room

It was nearly just before eight that night when Dante finally dropped his mother off at her apartment and headed home. Exhausted from the trip and the turmoil of returning to Bensonhurst, Dante slid his key into the lock, shoved open the door, and was halfway to his room before he realized he wasn’t alone in the apartment.

Lucky and Cruz were lounging on the sofa, each with a beer in hand, with a hockey game on the television.

“That’s such a shitty call,” Cruz complained as Tampa Bay player was sent to the penalty box.

“You’ve lived in New York for four years,” Lucky retorted, with a roll of his eyes. “How can you still root for Tampa Bay?”

“Some things are in the blood.” Cruz glanced over at Dante. “Hey, you’re back. How was the rest of the trip?”

“Since I went back to the hotel after the service and didn’t bother going to the house? Fine.” Dante dropped his duffel and went to get a beer of his own. He wouldn’t mind relaxing with a few beers and some sports with his best friends. Anything to get his mind off what was going on in his life. “You ready for my Rangers to humiliate you?”

Cruz snorted. “Yeah, okay. Dream on. Who’s the defending NHL Champion? Not you.”

“Everyone knows the Oilers are going to kick everyone’s ass this year.” Lucky reached for his cell phone. “We’re going to need pizza. And wings.”

“Toss in some cheese fries,” Dante suggested. Lucky nodded and headed into the kitchen to make the call. When Dante was sure Lucky was out of earshot, he looked at Cruz. “He’s not here avoiding Kelsey again, is he?”

“No. He said they talked. Didn’t get into the details, but it looks like that’s all sorted out. Which is good because I was gonna sic Maxie on him next,” Cruz said.

When Lucky came back, they settled into the game, and Dante found himself enjoying the night more than he’d thought — especially since the Rangers were kicking Tampa’s ass, 3-0 when the food came just before the second intermission.

“Just wait,” Cruz muttered, grabbing a slice from the box resting on top of the stove. “They’ll be back. They’re just settling in.”

Dante snorted. “You wish.” He popped the top from his third beer. “Uh, thanks by the way,” he said almost on a mutter. He looked at Lucky. “I wasn’t expecting anyone, much less both of you. And Lu and Maxie.”

“I’d like to take credit for the idea,” Lucky said, leaning against the fridge with a small plate piled high with wings. “But you know it was Maxie. She thought someone should be there. And she knew Lulu wouldn’t go alone.”

“Still. It, uh, mattered.” Dante cleared his throat. “Ma took it hard, you know. Being back with the family and them not really welcoming her. I think maybe me being there made it harder, so I made myself scarce afterward. I went to some of the old places today before we headed to the airport, but it’s not home anymore. I already knew that, I think, but I guess I had to see it again to be sure.”

He looked at Lucky. “I’m sorry, man, for spacing out the last few weeks. I didn’t want to put you in the middle of things with Lu, so I just…dipped. You didn’t deserve that.”

“I knew what was going on.” Lucky shrugged. He tossed the remains of some of wings to the trash, occupied himself with wiping his fingers with a napkin, his eyes averted. “I was avoiding my own thing. Like I told, Cruz, it’s all good now. Me and Kelse, we’re back on track.”

“Good. Good.”

“Yeah. We just needed to be in our heads for a little, but it’s sorted now.” Lucky looked back at Dante. “But here’s the thing. You and Lu, it’s still out there. Whatever ends up happening, you’re my best friend, and that’s not changing. But she’s my little sister. I just need you to be fair to her.”

“I know. I will be. She deserves it.”

“Game’s back on,” Cruz said, snagging another beer. “Time for my Lightning to come back and rock your world, Falconieri.”

“I bet you fifty my guys finish the shutout,” Dante said, following him back to the living room, his good mood restored. Even knowing he’d have to talk to Lu in a few days and put the period on their relationship, it had been an amazing three years. He never would have made it this far without her. He wouldn’t change it for the world.

But he did end up wishing that he hadn’t made the bet with Cruz because Tampa Bay came back and tied the game within the first six minutes of the third period — and ended up winning.

“Son of a bitch.”

Cruz held out his hands, wiggled with a grin. “Pay up.”

Morgan Penthouse: Master Bedroom

“Oh. I cannot wait for Christmas to be over.” Elizabeth flopped onto the bed, throwing one arm over her eyes. “I never want to move from here.”

Jason dumped the damp towels from Cameron’s nighttime bath into the hamper. “I told you I’d do the bath and the story tonight,” he reminded her.

“No, no. If we’re both home, we both do it. That’s just how it is.” She felt the weight of the mattress dip as he stretched out next to her, both of them laying atop the comforter. “I know where I went wrong. Wyndham’s. Emily and I braved the madness of it because Morgan’s pile was just a little too small. People are insane this time of year. Some lady elbowed Emily because she was reaching for this stupid Darth Vader voice changer, and I thought Em was going to pummel her.”

“Maybe we need to bring back full-time bodyguards,” Jason said, only half-joking. They hadn’t needed that level of security in a few years which was nice, but sometimes he missed the comfort of knowing the most important people in his life were being protected twenty-four seven.

“Don’t joke. Next year, I’m siccing Cody on them.” Elizabeth sat up, wincing and rubbed her shoulder. Without thinking, Jason sat up and began to rub them. “You really spoil me too much,” she grumbled, but rolled her head to the side as he massaged out a knot. “Emily, um, accidentally found out about the baby. The sweater didn’t hide him as much today,” she said, pressing a hand to the bulge beneath her pink cotton sleep shirt.

“I’m surprised we kept it as quiet as long as we did.” He leaned down, brushed his lips against her neck. “But I’m sure she was happy.”

“She was.” Elizabeth twisted, tucking one of her legs beneath his. “Um, I have a question. The other night, when I brought up the dog and moving, and you said you can’t say no to me—”

“You’re going to have to wait until tomorrow to find out how I managed both of those,” he interrupted with a smile. But instead of smiling back, her eyes filled with tears and her face crumbled. “Did you change your mind? Because I didn’t do anything yet. Well, except the dog. That’s kind of a done deal, and if you—”

“You did mean it, didn’t you—” She sniffled, yanked a tissue from the box on the night table. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to cry. It just—they’re always right there these days.”

“Hey—” Already exhausted by the fight that morning and the scene with Carly, Jason was ready to promise Elizabeth whatever she wanted if she just stopped crying. “Hey. Whatever it is, I can fix it. Just tell me—”

“I don’t need you to fix it—” She sucked in a shaky breath. “You meant it, you can’t say no to me, can you?”

“Uh—” Bewildered, Jason sat back on his heels, not sure if he should touch her. Would it make it worse? “Is that a bad thing?”

“No. No. God, I’m such a ridiculous sight right now.” She shoved herself off the bed, headed for the bathroom, and Jason decided to remain where he was on the bed, though he slid to the edge and let his legs fall over the side, listening as she washed her face, and took a minute to herself.

Elizabeth returned, closing the door to the master behind her, and leaned against it. “I’m going to ask you a question, okay, and I need to you answer it honestly. I know you don’t lie to me, but sometimes you look for a kind or nice way to tell me things you think I won’t like, and I don’t want you to worry about that. Just answer me, okay?”

“Uh, okay.” Jason scratched the corner of his eye. He’d forgotten how the mood swings of pregnancy, he thought. “What’s the question?”

“Did I push you into having a second child? I mean, this was my idea. We know that. But did you feel like you could say no once I brought it up?”

Jason just stared at her, his mind completely blank. He had no idea where that thought could have come from or what he was supposed to do with that question. “Uh—”

“Because it was just a joke, I thought, when we teased each other about how much you spoil me. But it’s not. Because I made an absolutely ridiculous request to get our toddler a dog when we live in a penthouse, and then told you I wanted to move—you know all the reasons this is a terrible idea, but you’re doing it anyway. Because you feel like you can’t say no to me.”

“Okay. Uh, let’s start with that, okay, because that’s easier to answer,” Jason decided, and she sighed, looked down at her toes, curling into the carpet. “If I want to say no to you, I absolutely would. And could. But if you want something, and I can get it for you, I’ll do that. These are not the same things. And you didn’t ask about a dog out of nowhere. Cameron asked for one. And we both know we have an equal problem spoiling him. We need to work on that,” he admitted, “but it’s hard because well…he’s Cameron. But he asked for a dog, and we don’t want to say no. So you did what I do — you found a way to make it viable. A dog needs a backyard. So why not move. It’s logical, Elizabeth. And, let’s face it, we don’t have to make moving stressful. I can pay people to pack this place up and unpack it somewhere else, and you never have to lift a finger. So it’s not nearly as ridiculous as you think it is.”

“Okay. Okay, maybe, but—”

“But if you’re asking me if I ever would have asked you to have another child — for you to get pregnant and put yourself through it, no. I wouldn’t have.”

She picked at her nails, didn’t look up at him. Jason crossed to stand in front of her, reaching for the hand she was abusing. “Can you look at me?”

Elizabeth did, raising her chin. Her eyes were still swimming with tears. “So I did push you into this.”

“No. That’s different. If I didn’t want more kids, I’d tell you. I would,” he promised. He pressed the hand he held against his heart. “I love Cameron. I love being his father. And I love watching you be his mother. The two of you, what we have together, it’s more than I ever thought it would be. But I never would have asked you to go through this again. You nearly killed yourself to bring Cameron into this world. And you fought hard to get healthy again. I don’t feel like I could ever ask you to risk any of this again because I want more kids.”

Elizabeth bit her lip, tipped her head to the side. “But you do want more?”

“Sure. I think we’re good at this. But it’s your body, Elizabeth, and you get to decide when and if you want to carry more babies.” He rested his hand over the curve of their child, knowing that they were still weeks away from feeling the baby kick. “Maybe if we do this again, you might want a surrogate. Or adoption. There’s other options out there if you want more kids after this one, and you don’t want to worry about the risk.”

“I didn’t really think—” She sighed, leaned forward, resting her forehead against his chest. His arms encircled her. “I didn’t think about that part of it. I should have. Of course you wouldn’t bring it up first.”

“I love you. There’s nothing that makes me happier than coming home to you, and to Cameron, and in a few months, we’ll have this baby, too.”

“I just sometimes wish I felt like it wasn’t always so…” Elizabeth leaned back slightly, wrinkling her nose. “One-sided. You know, everyone always talks about how you spoil me, but they should be able to say that about me, right? They don’t. I should be giving to you, too.”

“Are you kidding—”

“And don’t talk about giving you Cameron and the baby. That’s—you did that, too, you know. I wasn’t alone over there—” She tipped her head to the bed behind her, and he grinned, thinking of it. Her cheeks flushed. “But that’s something we give to each other. I just…I want you to feel as loved and special as I do, you know? But all I do is drive you crazy—”

“You give me dreams,” Jason interrupted softly, and she blinked, looked at him with bewilderment. “I don’t have them, remember? But you give them to me, and I make them real. I can’t do that without you. I can’t do any of it without you.”

“I’m sorry I’m so insane.” She wrapped her arms around his waist, and he held her close, rocking her a bit.

“It’s never boring,” he admitted, and he felt her chuckle more than he heard it. “Actually, if we’re talking about something I need right now, I have a problem I don’t know how to fix. Maybe you have an idea.”

“Well, I can’t get any more pregnant,” she said, and he rolled his eyes, taking her by the hand to lead her over to the bed.

“No, not that,” he said, “but hold on that one, okay? It’s Carly. I want to help her, but I don’t know what to do.”

---

Special thanks to Steve Holley on Twitter who helped me out with the hockey game Dante, Lucky, and Cruz were watching. He tracked down the time for me so I could accurately place it on the right time. That was a real game that aired on December 23, 2006 with Tampa coming back from a 3-0 deficit, lol. 

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