Spent the better part of the afternoon moving over the rest of the series. Everything is here except Heliconia and Clam Chowda. I’m just tired, so I’ll do that tomorrow along with a few other stories, including:
– What Would Happen
– Rivalry
– Rest in Pieces
– Come Clean
– The Sisters
– These Small Hours
These stories are five chapters or fewer, so they shouldn’t take so long.
“Okay, I usually take the blame when it’s deserved–”
“Yeah, or the credit when it’s not.”
“–but I think Gia is unreasonable.”
“Has there ever been a fight between the two of you where she’s been reasonable and you’ve been at fault?”
“Yes.”
“Name one.”
“That’s not the point here.”
“It never is when I ask you to provide me an example of anything and you can’t back it up. You’re a idiot.”
“I am not. As the godfather of your children–”
“Just the one. It’s Nikolas’s turn.”
“I cannot believe you’d choose him over me! I got you guys together–”
“Yes, but you and Gia are Nicole’s godparents. It’s Nikolas and Emily’s turn.”
“He’s never going to let me live this down.”
“You’re being ridiculous. It’s not like being a god parent is of any use except you know…the actual ceremony.”
“But Nikolas is the Dark Prince, Lizzie. I mean, he’s not any more suitable than Patrick.”
“Patrick’s not suitable at all. He’s a horndog and I don’t want him giving Sebastian any bad habits.”
“Sebastian? Sebastian?”
“It’s a classy name.”
“It’s a stupid name.”
“Says the man called Lucky.”
“It’s a nickname.”
“Right.”
“It’s a variation of Lucas.”
“Uh huh.”
“You know, Elizabeth Imogene–”
“Hey, Imogene is a very classy name with strong roots in history. Lucky is a dog’s name.”
“Oh, that’s just a low blow.”
“Well, it is.”
“If it’s so classy, why didn’t you name Nicole that?”
“If your name is so fabulous, why didn’t you and Gia name your kid after you?”
“Markus is a family name.”
“And there’s only a thousand Lucases in your family.”
“We’re off topic here.”
“Funny how that happens when you know I’m right.”
“You’re not right. Markus a good name and so is Lucas and Lucky is a good name.”
“Uh huh.”
“Anyway, Gia is being unreasonable. She accused me wanting her to get fat.”
“…”
“Ha! No response?”
“Why in the world would she say something like that?”
“I have no idea. She asked me for doughnuts, I brought her doughnuts and then she burst into tears–”
“Oh.”
“Oh?”
“Oh.”
“What does that mean?”
“Mood swings, cravings, this doesn’t sound familiar?”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“Well, hell.”
“So I guess Nikolas and Emily are going to be godparents twice over.”
“Nah, it’s Robin’s turn. We promised her the next one when she found that flavor of ice cream Gia was craving.”
“Ha! So that means your kid gets the horndog for a godfather. Serves you right.”
“Hey, they are not a package set. She’s got time to come to her senses.”
“That’s what everyone said about Gia before your wedding.”
“You’re unnecessarily cruel.”
“Yeah, that’s me. Lizzie, the eater of puppies and children.”
“It would not surprise me.”
“Big baby.”
“Hey, you’re the one who said it. That’s why I gotta be careful with you, you’re unpredictable. I could say, okay, go kill someone–”
“And you’d think I’d do it? Real nice.”
“No, but you’d have a very wicked retort for me and somehow it would leave into a conversation about sexual positions and I just do not need to hear about that.”
“That’s fine. I’ll just stop giving Gia tips.”
“Well, let’s not be hasty.”
“You’re nasty.”
“Take that back!”
“I won’t. That’s a filthy habit.”
“From the girl who inflicts pain herself for beauty.”
“You’re still not over that?”
“I will never be over that, Lizzie. You were torturing yourself.”
“I was plucking my eyebrows, Lucky!”
“It’s unnecessary torture.”
“We’re off topic. You’re nasty and you know it.”
“This is not nasty–”
“Ew!! Watch where you’re clipping!”
“Well, get out of the way!”
“I can’t, those things are huge!”
“Well…then go home.”
“I can’t.”
“What did Jason do this time?”
“I hate when you say it like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you’re just asking me what I think Jason did this time but clearly he did nothing because I’m the hysterical female and I’m overreacting.”
“I would never say that!”
“Because you like your fingers where they are and not ripped off.”
“Well…so do most people.”
“And anyway, Jason didn’t do anything, but I don’t appreciate your tone. I never overreact. I–I’m always perfectly rational.”
“You’re sniffling.”
“I am not.”
“Good God, you’re going to cry. Jesus, Lizzie, Gia’s not here and I’m no good at this. Do not cry! That’s an order!”
“I’ll cry if I want to.”
“I know, I know. Okay, so why the tears?”
“I’m pregnant.”
“Again?”
“As opposed to…?”
“Okay, okay, stupid question. So is this a good thing? Is it a bad thing? I can’t tell.”
“I told Nicole and she started crying and she was upset and she doesn’t want a brother or a sister and I was so upset by that I came over here. Jason doesn’t know yet.”
“Oh. Well, you know, Nicole’s seven. She’s been an only child for so long. If we told Markus that Gia was pregnant, he’d have a heart attack after six years of going solo.”
“She was just so upset and I wasn’t prepared.”
“She’ll get prepared. You give her the same speech my parents gave me when Lu was born. You get to boss her around, tell her what to do, be the big sister, etc. It’s fun, kids eat it up.”
“I guess.”
“You do plan on telling Jason, right?”
“No, I thought I’d go for six months and see if he noticed the extra pounds.”
“See…that’s the thing with you, Lizzie. I’m never sure if you’re joking with me or not.”
“Ow! It hit me that time!”
“Sorry–”
“You have the biggest toenails in the universe, Lucky. Christ, I’m going to need a shower after this.”
“Hey, they’re clean.”
“I’m sorry, but I’m just not taking your word for it. Didn’t your mother teach you not to clip toenails in company?”
“You’re not company, Lizzie. You’re family.”
“That’s not at all comforting.”
“She threw a pie at me.”
“Understandably.”
“I mean–she just launched it at my face.”
“Well, when you insult a girl’s cooking, she’s liable to get violent.”
“It hit me in the face.”
“Since she aimed for her face, I’d assume so.”
“But it was like…lemon meringue.”
“Too bad she wasted it, that’s my favorite.”
“I don’t think you’re taking this very seriously, Liz.”
“I don’t think it’s something that needs to be taken seriously.”
“I nearly died–why are you laughing?”
“Lucky, it was a pie.”
“I almost suffocated from the meringue part of it!”
“It was a pie.”
“I couldn’t breathe!”
“Did you get it out of your nostrils? You know, use your hands for something other than–”
“Hey, we’re in a family establishment here.”
“Yeah, Chuck E. Cheese’s. Why am I here again?'”
“Because your kid loves it. Back to my near death experience.”
“Your near death experience?”
“You’re laughing again.”
“Are you even listening to yourself?”
“Why do you insist on ridiculing me?”
“Did you see a bright light? Because I’ve heard you’re supposed to stay away from the light.”
“You think you’re funny?”
“I think I’m hysterical.”
“Have you ever thrown a pie at Jason?”
“Not for him insulting me. We tend to use food for…other purposes.”
“Oh, ew. Forget I asked.”
“Lucky, come on, you know we have sex right? I mean we have the kid. Did you think it was immaculate conception?”
“Lalalala–I’m not listening.”
“Oh, for–take your fingers out of your ears and finish telling me about your near death experience.”
“Are you going to keep teasing me?”
“Hey, come on, Lucky, this is me. Lizzie. What do you think?”
“I think we should change the subject.”
“Sure. Hey, did you know that strawberries were natural aphrodisiacs?”
“Unless you caught that while watching television or something–I don’t want to know.”
“No, seriously, it was actually really innocent. We were having strawberry shortcake and I was trying to feed it to Nicole but she just kind of knocked the plate out of my hand and it landed on my face.”
“Ha, so you know what it’s like to have a near death by pastry!”
“You’ve lost it, you know that? Anyway, Jason was helping me clean it off my face and wow, the next thing I know, he’s insisting we plant the kid in front of the boob tube and lock ourselves in the kitchen because he wants to lick it–”
“Dude, Lizzie, we are in a family establishment. You want to stop this story now or what?”
“I’m just saying that food adds an interesting spice to your sex life. Not that my sex life wasn’t good before that–”
“Lalalala, I’m not listening.”
“Because, man, Jason is all about equal pleasuring. There’s got to be law against some of the stuff he’s suggested–”
“I think I’m gonna be sick.”
“Hey, Gia and I talk about your sex life all the time but she’s kind of forbidden me from talking about mine anymore.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because, well, she’s jealous.”
“She is not. I happen to be fabulous in bed.”
“Did you really just use the word fabulous?”
“She told me that once.”
“Well, I’m just trying to say if you want to add a little spice to your bedroom, try some strawberries. Ooh, and whipped cream. But not honey. It dries too fast and it can be a bitch to get off.”
“We are not having this conversation. I don’t even know how we got on this topic.”
“Something about death by pastry.”
“Hey, she nearly killed me. I could have her prosecuted for attempted murder.”
“Yeah, Lucky?”
“What?”
“She threw a pie at you, she didn’t give you cyanide or anything.”
“Wouldn’t put it past her.”
“It was a pastry. You did not almost die.”
“I couldn’t breathe.”
“You know what? I can’t believe we’re having this conversation either. I’d much rather being talking about this excellent position Jason suggested last night–”
“Lalala, I’m not listening.”
“Do you think I bought too much?”
“Oh, I don’t know, Lizzie, why don’t you go ask the owner of Wyndham’s, whom you’ve just put out of business?”
“It’s Nicole’s first Christmas and I just want it to be perfect.”
“Lizzie, she’s like ten months old. She’s not going to remember this Christmas.”
“But Jason and I will and we’re a family and families are supposed to have good Christmases and I don’t care if Jason doesn’t care–I’m not going to let his stupid job interfere this time.”
“I know that tone.”
“And what tone would that be?”
“Ooh…and that one too. The first one was Jason’s Done Something Stupid and You’re Going To Hear All About It. The second was Lucky Is About To Die.”
“How about you get another pie in the face?”
“Put that down, Elizabeth Imogene Morgan, I still have nightmares from the last attack.”
“Ha…you think a lemon meringue pie was bad, just wait for Boston Cream.”
“Lizzie–”
“And for your information, you aren’t going to hear about it. I don’t know why I bother with the male species. You’re all about yourselves anyway. Especially Sonny Corinthos.”
“Okay…let me…give me the pie, Elizabeth. That’s it…slowly now–ah, crap. Don’t cry. Gia! Are you home? Damn it all to hell.”
“Jason missed Thanksgiving. Did I tell you that?”
“Yes. With lots of colorful words and violent adjectives. I believe you were going to cut off something Sonny would miss.”
“Well, that self-centered son of a bitch is sending him to Puerto Rico this week.”
“But…Christmas is next week. Will he be back?”
“That’s just it. I don’t know. Damn it, Lucky, why did you set me up with him?”
“Because I was tired of watching him sit in Kelly’s and drool over you and you needed to be kissed properly. None of that matters. Jason’s not going to go is he?”
“Hell if I know. It’s business and therefore it’s not up for discussion. I’m scared Lucky. I mean…before Jason was just a partner in the coffee business but over the last year, he’s been taking on more and more responsibilities and he’s been…he’s been pulling away from me.”
“You think he’s getting involved in Sonny’s other business?”
“Yeah. I think so.”
“Well. That would suck.”
“Thank you, Lucky Spencer, King of the Understatement.”
“Did you ask him? Or was it more of it’s business, I can’t talk about it?”
“He can’t talk about it. And it’s been happening more and more. I don’t know why he’d do this, Lucky. I mean, before it was just us but we have Nicole now and that should mean something.”
“Right.”
“And I think he’s being stupid. Just because Sonny’s his friend, it doesn’t mean he has to do whatever he tells him to.”
“Right.”
“And if Jason misses Nicole’s first Christmas, I’m not going to be at home when he does get back.”
“Right–what?”
“You heard me. I can only put up with so much but he’s not going to miss our daughter’s first Christmas. Someone else can go. Someone who doesn’t have a family. And if it’s just for the coffee business, it can wait until after the holidays.”
“Are…are you at least going to warn him about this?”
“Oh don’t be stupid, Lucky. Do I look like I’d just leave him without warning?”
“Well–”
“Shut up. And yes, I’m going to tell him. I just…I’m not quite sure how to.”
“I should think that’d be easy. Jason, if you go to that island, be prepared for an empty penthouse when you get back.”
“Just…lay it out like that?”
“Sure. Why not? You’ve never been a subtle person. I see no reason to start now.”
“How can you manage to insult me and give me advice at the same time?”
“It’s a gift. I think you taught me it.”
“Probably.”
“Anyhow, good news. My swimmers finally got some motivation.”
“Oh?”
“Gia’s pregnant. She’s due in the early summer.”
“Lucky, that’s incredible!”
“Yeah. Only, don’t tell her.”
“What’s this?”
“She doesn’t know.”
“I’m sorry…what?”
“Well…she thinks she might be but the doctor called when I was home and I’m saving it.”
“Lucky…she’s gonna notice. What did you say when I hadn’t told Jason after three months? Something about getting fat.”
“Oh, chill. Just saving it for a week. I’m wrapping the results and giving it to her as a Christmas present.”
“Wow, Lucky…that’s not a bad idea.”
“See…I’m not completely hopeless.”
“Now…I didn’t say that.”
“So if I asked you for garlic, would you think that’s weird?”
“Garlic? What kind of garlic?”
“Oh, the pink kind with the purple polka dots–you idiot–what kind of garlic–stupid question.”
“No need to get hostile, Liz. Geez, you’ve been in such a bad mood the last few days. And yesterday–you grossed me out.”
“Oh, you’re just being annoying now. There’s nothing wrong with ice cream.”
“Honey, you had chocolate marshmallow ice cream topped by some red hot chili peppers. That’s gross.”
“You know, their last album was really good. Did you hear it?”
“Yes. I like–stop changing the subject. What’s with the nasty moods and the weird cravings–ah, son of a bitch, Gia’s gonna kill you.”
“That’s all you can say? Gia’s gonna kill me? Some best friend you are.”
“She’s already irritated that you managed to get the guy to the altar first. If she finds out you’re…you know…she’s gonna knock your head off.”
“Can I help it if Jason’s swimmers are more motivated than yours?”
“Dude, I am not talking about Jason’s sperm. That’s gross.”
“Oh, for crying out loud–you have sperm too. Oh, ew.”
“You see what I mean? No more sperm talk. Besides, it’s not that they’re more motivated…they just have better timing.”
“Better timing? Maybe yours are as lazy as you are.”
“I am not lazy.”
“Ha!”
“I’m not. I just don’t feel like doing a lot of stuff.”
“Anyway, I haven’t told Jason yet. What do you think I should lead off with? The garlic bit? Speaking of which–do you have any garlic?”
“I repeat, what kind of garlic?”
“Lucky–”
“We’ve got powder and we’ve got the whole clove things. You want some garlic bread or something?”
“Ooh, yeah.”
“So how long have you known?”
“You promise not to yell?”
“No good can come from this.”
“No, Lucky. I’m serious. You really can’t yell at me.”
“The only way I might yell is if you already popped the kid out and have him in a closet.”
“Oh, God no.”
“So??”
“Threemonths.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t quite hear that. Believe it or not, when a person shoves a carrot in their mouth, takes a swig of juice and tries to speak all at the same time, it comes out kind of a garbled.”
“I said–three months.”
“I take back the non yelling agreement.”
“Lucky–”
“Dude, you haven’t told him and you’ve known for three months? Have you lost your mind? Eventually, you’re gonna get fat.”
“That’s real charming.”
“Whatever. Why the hell haven’t you said anything? And no, don’t shrug and give me those puppy eyes. I’m immune.”
“Look–we’ve been married for like five months. And we only got engaged because I think I accidentally guilted him into it. So excuse me for being slightly apprehensive about telling my husband he’s not a free man anymore.”
“Jason loves kids.”
“Yeah, and you know this how?”
“Well, it’s not like he’s ever told me but–come to think of it, I’ve never seen him around any kids–aw, hey, don’t moan like that. It’s not that bad.”
“I am so dead. I’m dead. I’m gonna tell him we’re having a baby and he’s just gonna look at me like I’m a horrible person.”
“How long have you been with Jason?”
“Eighteen months.”
“Jason loves you. He married you. He doesn’t do things he doesn’t want to do so even if you might have used a tiny guilt trip on him to get him to the altar, ultimately it wouldn’t have made a difference if he didn’t want to marry you.”
“No, no, see, I don’t really think Jason’s all that fond of being married to me. I think before, he was okay with the whole living together thing because he had, you know, an escape clause. But now the only way out is a divorce and that means alimony and hell, now it means child support.”
“Elizabeth?”
“Yeah?”
“You on drugs?”
“No.”
“What would give you the idea he wants an escape clause? Hey, no mumbling.”
“Because I sort of think he might have kind of–look can we just not talk about it? I’m pissed off about it and now I’m pregnant and I really just want my stupid garlic bread so I can curl up with it and cry.”
“Aw, hell, what do you think Jason did this time?”
“You always take his side. Why does it always have to be me that misinterpreting it?”
“Oh, shit. Lizzie, don’t cry. I didn’t–ah, crap, where’s Gia when you need a sensitive person?”
“Because I really did catch him kissing the magnificent whore at Jake’s last week and he wouldn’t have kissed her if he liked being married to me and I really think that I should have just left things well enough alone without having to shove engagement rings at him and drop hints about you thinking of proposing to Gia–”
“Whoa, whoa, let’s back up a second. Was he kissing her or was she kissing him?”
“I don’t know. I saw and I left. I’m not a glutton for punishment, y’know.”
“Couldn’t it be possible the magnificent whore kissed him? It’s not like it’s the first time.”
“Yeah, but why didn’t he just tell me?”
“Oh, I don’t know…because you tend to try and commit murder whenever her name is mentioned?”
“So he’s still protecting her. See, this is why I never should have gone out with him in the first place.”
“Aw, come on, he loves you.”
“Ha.”
“Lizzie, don’t make me beat you. Listen, go home. Talk to Jason about the blonde thing. When he explains it–and I have every faith that he will–tell him about the baby.”
“I don’t wanna.”
“Lizzie.”
“Well, seriously what if he does love me but he doesn’t want kids yet?”
“Then you should have been careful. You know, condoms and stuff. Kept his little swimmers out.”
“Good point. He’s gotta realize there’s a penalty right?”
“God help him.”
“So, about that garlic bread?”
“All right. Here’s the plan.”
“Oh, boy. Here we go.”
“Lizzie, you’re such a negative person.”
“Yeah? Well, Lucky, you’re biased. You keep forgetting–your plans never work.”
“That’s so not true. They work plenty of times.”
“Name one.”
“We don’t have time for this game.”
“Ha! You can’t think of one.”
“All right, smart ass. Think of one time when it didn’t go well.”
“Well, let’s see. Your anniversary with Gia?”
“We don’t have to bring that up.”
“Oh, no, no. You asked. You remember that night? I helped you set up a romantic dinner with candlelight, one of Sonny’s dinners and how do you repay me?”
“Lizzie?”
“You forget to show up. I have never met someone who sleeps through two alarm clocks, sixteen calls and someone pounding on the door. My god, you’re insane.”
“Look, Gia brings up that up every single time. You don’t need to do it, too.”
“And then there was the time where you tried to get rid of that guy.”
“Hey, that worked!”
“Worked? Worked? You must be on drugs.”
“I got rid of him didn’t I?”
“Right. And I think he just got out of the hospital.”
“How’s that my fault?”
“Who’s bright idea was it to tell that guy that Jason was single and wanted a date?”
“Hey! He kept hitting on me!”
“That doesn’t mean you give him Jason’s number! Jesus, Lucky. He kept hitting on Jason!”
“Well, you didn’t have to hit him.”
“I still maintain he kicked himself in the balls.”
“Ha! Likely story. Can we please get back to the point?”
“Which is?”
“The plan, Elizabeth. The plan!”
“I don’t know if it’s a good idea to let you help.”
“I am a very intelligent and sneaky person when I need to be.”
“Right. You also worship yourself.”
“Hey, nothing wrong with having your own religion.”
“There is when you’re the only one who practices it.”
“You’re not being fair. And we’re getting off topic.”
“Lucky, for the last time–you’re not planning my bachelorette party!”
“Give me one good reason why not.”
“You’re a guy.”
“Yeah? That has what to do with it?”
“If you need me to tell you, you’ve got much bigger problems than I thought.”
“Hey, I’m the reason you’re getting married.”
“Yes. That’s right. You did set me up with Jason.”
“See?”
“Well, Lucky, go ask him if you can plan his bachelor–you know what? I changed my mind.”
“No, hey, that’s a great idea!”
“I just thought of what your kind of bachelor party would entail. You’re not planning his party either. You’d end up hiring Courtney as the stripper and then you’d stop breathing.”
“Yeah. If I saw her naked, any man would stop breathing. Man, she’s got a large–”
“No–because I’d kill you.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“You know–maybe I should stick to photography.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
“Okay, this is what I’ve decided.”
“You actually made a decision?”
“Yes.”
“Don’t be so testy, Lizzie. I was just asking.”
“Well it was a stupid question, Lucky. Since I said I decided, I obviously decided.”
“Okay.”
“Okay, what?”
“What?”
“You’re giving me the look.”
“Look?”
“Lucky, you have that look. Where you have more to say but you fear for your life if you do say it.”
“Oh. Well…”
“What?”
“You’ve made the decision five other times. Quite frankly, Gia needs an answer.”
“Why do I care what Gia needs?”
“Because Gia’s your maid of honor and in order to get fitted for the dress, you have to pick the color. And the design. You haven’t done that yet. You haven’t actually even looked for a dress yourself.”
“I’ve got time.”
“You’ve got six weeks. I think you’re worrying the groom.”
“The groom can go stick it in his ass.”
“I know that tone.”
“Tone? Listen, buddy–”
“What did my poor unwitting friend do this time?”
“He suggested that I take on another bridesmaid.”
“So? You’ve only got Georgie Jones and Emily. Jason’s got three groomsmen. You could use one more.”
“He suggested Carly.”
“Oh. Oh.”
“Yeah, oh. At this rate, Jason’s gonna be really lucky I show up to marry him. The absolute nerve of that jackass–”
“I forget. Why do we hate Carly?”
“How does Gia put up with you?”
“I’m good in bed.”
“Yeah. Right.”
“You shouldn’t scoff like that. You’ve never slept with me.”
“And I thank God every day for that miracle.”
“Why am I friends with you again?”
“Because you adore me.”
“Ha!”
“Okay, so fill me in on Carly again. I really did forget.”
“It’s the same reason I didn’t want to invite her to the housewarming last month and why I didn’t invite her to the wedding shower next week and why we never go out with her and Sonny.”
“…Which is?”
“Honestly, Lucky, you really need to see someone about this memory lapse you seem to be suffering from. Carly Corinthos is the bane of my existence and my own best friend doesn’t remember why! The absolute nerve!”
“Oh…you know, suddenly, it’s coming back to me.”
“I’ll bet it is.”
“Something about her telling Courtney that Jason had dumped you and she should give him a special surprise on his birthday.”
“Yeah, something about suggesting that surprise me having me and Jason walk in on her in his bedroom sprawled out on the bed. Naked.”
“Naked, huh? You know, you never did tell me what she looked like. Is she really as big as–Ow! Damn it, that hurt!”
“Serves you right. You know, nothing spoils the mood of wanting to have sex than seeing your fiancé’s ex-girlfriend naked in his room. I nearly killed him before he managed to get out that he had no idea why she was there.”
“You should trust him more.”
“I don’t care how much someone trusts their boyfriend. When you see a naked chick on their bed looking like a present, you will always try to kill them first.”
“Okay. So what did you say to Jason when he suggested the atrocity of having his best friend be your bridesmaid?”
“I told him to go to hell.”
“You know, he and Carly go way back. They’ve been friends for like forever. You know he’s like a godfather to Michael and the kid thinks he walks on water. You know that Carly also didn’t tell Courtney to be a whore.”
“Carly hates me.”
“She hates that she’s losing Jason to you.”
“You know, her insecurities are not my problem.”
“Do you love Jason?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you want to marry him?”
“Occasionally.”
“Then her insecurities are your problem. His baggage is your baggage just like your uncontrollable lust for me is his baggage.”
“You’ve been smoking pot again haven’t you?”
“You know you can’t control yourself around me, Lizzie.”
“Yeah. It’s really hard to resist your animal magnetism.”
“Don’t think I don’t know sarcasm when I hear it. I know it.”
“You should.”
“Anyway, what are you going to do about this situation? Are you just going to lie down and take it? You going to bail on Jason?”
“No. We already put the deposit on the reception hall.”
“Lizzie.”
“No. Because I’ve already accepted he’s not going to ditch Carly. And I wouldn’t ask him too. But I just wish he’d tell her to butt the hell out of our lives. It’s freaking Courtney all over again! How many women do I have to deal with?”
“Look. Once you two are married, what does it matter what Courtney or Carly does? You already beat them. You get the guy.”
“Yeah. I guess.”
“Do you think it would mean a lot to Jason if you held the olive branch out to Carly?”
“Probably.”
“And isn’t the objective of marriage trying to make the other person happy?”
“I hate you.”
“You hate when I’m right.”
“That, too.”
“You going to do it or what?”
“I’ll do it.”
“Good. Hey…who’s planning the bachelor party?”
“No. Lucky.”
“Because I got this great idea–”
“No.”
“Lizzie–”
“No.”
“Did you know that a hammer is not something you want to cracked over the head with?”
“I’m not entirely sure I want to know how you learned that.”
“It was an accident.”
“Yes. Just like the time Gia’s hairbrush accidentally collided with your head. Or the time you accidentally walked into the deep end of the pool at Nikolas’s house. The empty deep end. You are very accident prone.”
“There’s no need to mock.”
“Oh…there’s every need to mock.”
“I think I had a point here somewhere.”
“The hammer met your head. You were about to explain why.”
“Right. So I was in the garage at the house–Mom wanted me to fix the sink.”
“You were the only one there, weren’t you?”
“Hey, I am not useless. I can fix stuff.”
“A sandwich does not count.”
“I was in the garage, trying to find the tool box. Apparently, Dad’s hid it for some reason when he’s out of town.”
“Maybe it’s to keep you from fixing things.”
“Do you want to hear this or not?”
“Do I have a choice?”
“So I’m reaching on this shelf and this hammer comes crashing down on my head. And I think I saw stars. So, yes, a hammer hurts. Don’t use it on Jason.”
“Unlike Gia, I don’t have to resort to physical violence. I just kind of mutter under my breath, storm around the penthouse for a few days. He gets the message. Jason, unlike some people, can take a hint.”
“You’re mocking my pain.”
“Oh, I’m mocking something.”
“So, you’re not ticked at Jason?”
“Nope. Surprisingly, not this time. But this could coincide with Sonny taking his family on a vacation. With Carly and Courtney gone, life’s downright peachy.”
“Are you still harping on Big Boobs Matthews? Look, I wouldn’t touch that…that for all the money in the world.”
“Gia would cut your hand off.”
“That’s hardly the point.”
“Anyway, so long as the girl is showing up in our bed without any clothing on–”
“Jesus, Lizzie, I just ate!”
“–or sticking her tongue in Jason’s ear–”
“There goes the French fries too.”
“–or worse–”
“How can there be an ‘or worse’?”
“–straddling him in public.”
“I didn’t really want that burger anyway.”
“So long as she’s being a skank, then I get to harp on it, got it?”
“At the expense of my lunch, yeah, I got it.”
“Elizabeth. You cannot become a nun.”
“You wanna bet? I bet if I were a nun I wouldn’t get dumped for not putting out.”
“Elizabeth. You’d have to give up like everything.”
“Define everything.”
“Kissing.”
“It’s overrated.”
“You’ve never been kissed properly. Sly Eckert in the eighth does not count.”
“I’ve been kissed since then!”
. “Name one person. And that truth or dare thing sophomore year does not count.”
“The hell it doesn’t!”
“You’re only upset because that rules out your only other kiss. Anyway, that’s not the only thing you’d have to give up. You’d have to give up stuff like ice cream and all other kinds of junk food.”
“You’re not a very good Catholic, are you Lucky?”
“Nah, I’m a more of Luckyist.”
“A Luckyist? You worship yourself.”
“Yeah. You want to join?”
“No. You can stay a religion of one.”
“Very funny. Anyway, besides, there’s a guy who’s going to come along and he’s not going to want your body.”
“That’s reassuring.”
“No, no that’s not what I meant! I mean that’s not the only thing he’s going to want. He’ll want to get to know you–”
“Yeah, so he can get in my pants and then not call.”
“You’re such a pessimist.”
“With my history, wouldn’t you be?”
“You know what? I think I ought to fix you up.”
“Oh, no you don’t. I know the type of guys you do and believe me I’m not interested.”
“Not even…Jason?”
“Jason? Jason Morgan? Are you on drugs?”
“No. Why is that so unbelievable? He’s a great guy.”
“I’m sure he is. He’s also five years older than me and completely out of my league. Plus he’s got a girlfriend.”
“Oh. Right. Her. Look, Courtney’s no competition for you.”
“Yeah…blonde and busty. No competition. I got that.”
“No, no–Jason’s not like that, honestly. He’s into a girl’s personality.”
“And he’s still dating Courtney Matthews?”
“You’ve got a point. Listen, just let me set up a date. Come on. You know you’re gonna like him.”
“He doesn’t seem to be the type to go for blind dates.”
“He owes me a favor.”
“Oh. Gee. Thanks.”
“That’s not what I meant, Elizabeth.”
“I’m going to be a nun. That’s just the way it’s going to work. And why would I want to date someone who’d cheat on their girlfriend for a blind date?”
“I don’t think that’s really the way it is with Jason and Courtney. Seriously. She is so not his type. She’s so clingy?”
“I bet he gets a kick out of the victim routine.”
“Have you ever properly met Jason Morgan? Because you’d understand why I don’t think it’s serious between him and the blonde. She’s dumber than a doornail and I think Jason at least like conversation.”
“Wow. I don’t really see him a conversationalist.”
“He’s not. But–you know you’re protesting too much. Come on–let me set up date. Just one.”
“You just don’t want to become a nun. This is a selfish thing. Because if I’m a nun, I can’t help you with your girl problems. Or pretend to be your girlfriend when a girl doesn’t get the point.”
“Well–yeah–all that’s true. But I don’t want to become a nun because I think you have a lot to offer a guy.”
“Yeah? Someone should tell the guys that.”
“Very funny. So, you’re gonna let me call Jason?”
“Sure. Go wild.”
—–
“So? How’d it go?”
“You’re right.”
“I’m what?”
“You’re right. God, don’t make me repeat that again.”
“I kind of like the sound of it. So, what exactly was I right about?”
“I’ve never been kissed properly.”
“Wow–so does that mean–”
“Yeah–it means that.”
“So, you kissed him? On the first date? It was just the first date right–because there’ll be more–”
“Why? Did he say something about me?”
“Might have. So, how was it?”
“What? The kiss or the date?”
“Both. Either one. Doesn’t matter.”
“If I tell you, will you tell me what he said?”
“Sure thing.”
“It was amazing Lucky. Sly and Zander should definitely take lessons from Jason. Wow.”
“He’s that good, huh? So was that about the date or the kiss?”
“Did you know he has a motorcycle?”
“Yes. I take it you rode it?”
“It was incredible! The stars just seemed to pop out of the sky and the wind was just rushing by. Wow.”
“I take it Jason made a good impression.”
“He did.”
“Did he explain the Courtney thing?”
“Yep. Just a job.”
“Good. I didn’t think he was actually interested in her.”
“So…what did he say about me?”
“Nothing.”
“Lucky!”
“Okay…he might have thanked me for introducing the two you.”
“That’s it?”
“There might have been something about you being pretty.”
“Really?”
“I think the word was actually beautiful, but I can’t be sure. So, there’ll be a second date you think?”
“Well…he said he’d call. But guys never mean that…”
“If Jason said it, he meant it.”
“Really? You promise?”
“I promise. Hey, just think…if I’d let you become a nun, you’d never have gone out with him.”
“You knew I wasn’t going to become a nun.”
“You know what this means.”
“Oh, no.”
“You owe me.”
“Lucky?”
“And Jason still owes me. This is great. I hook up two of my best friends and manage to garner two favors. I am so good.”
“I’d hate to interrupt your self-loving session, but your cell phone is ringing.”
“‘Ello? Hey, Jason. What? Oh–that makes sense. It’s 856-3454. Yeah. See ya later.”
“What? That was Jason? What did he want?”
“He wanted to call you.”
“Well, why didn’t he?”
“Well–he didn’t have your number.”
“Shit! I gotta get home before he calls!”
“Hey, remember, Lizzie! You owe me!”
