But with you, you, you
I can see what I need
I can dream realistically
I knew that this was different from the start
And it seems that every time
We’re eye to eye
I can find another piece of you
That I don’t wanna lose
– Fine By Me, Andy Grammer

---

Saturday, May 7, 2005

Kelly’s: Courtyard

Carly sighed in relief as her sister-in-law took a seat across from her. She had been so worried she’d burned her bridges with Courtney the month before. She’d been frustrated, impatient, and angry and had moved too quickly.

Of course Courtney would not leap to break Jason’s heart. Why should she find it easy when Carly couldn’t bring herself to pull the trigger? She knew it would relatively simple—tell Sonny she knew, that she wanted Evie with them.

And maybe Jason would resist at first, but he’d see the rightness of it. He’d sign over guardianship and Sonny would be okay again. It’d be difficult for Jason, Carly wasn’t naive, but he was all but dating Elizabeth. She had a son. She would see Jason through it.

And Jason should want to help Carly in this, because a stable and conflict-free Sonny made everyone’s life better. Keeping Evie was just making the situation worse, but Carly did not blame her best friend.

Jason thought he was protecting Carly and the boys. Soon, she would let him off the hook. He shouldn’t be raising someone else’s child—not like this. Elizabeth’s bastard didn’t have a father. It was the perfect solution.

But the time was not yet ripe.

“Carly,” Courtney said, her voice, the set of her shoulders—everything about her screamed uncomfortable. “I wasn’t expecting you to ask me to lunch.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re here.” Carly spooned some sugar into her iced tea and stirred it. “Michael and Morgan are so excited to spend the afternoon with you—Rocco is bringing them by later. I wanted to…I wanted to apologize.”

“Okay.” Courtney set her tote down. “For what?”

“For the last time we spoke.” Carly bit her lip, trying to appear contrite. “I…I’ve just been frustrated and I haven’t really been listening to anyone else. I know you only have my best interests at heart. The boys’ best interest, even Sonny. Of course… the situation being what it is, it makes sense for Evie to stay where she is.”

Courtney frowned and Carly could see the other woman wasn’t buying it. Not all of it. “The truth is, Courtney, I know this is mostly my fault. I mean, yes, Sonny was wrong to lie to me, but I could…I could have made so many things easier last year.”

Which was partially true. If she had just waited until the paternity test results came in to tell Sonny she was going to rake him over the coals in divorce court, Jason wouldn’t have felt the need to step in. To help.

“Okay,” Courtney said. She glanced up as Georgie Jones emerged and asked for a soda and a plate of fries. “So…you’re not going to ask Jason to give up custody.”

“No, no.” Carly sighed. “It would solve so many problems in the short-term, but they would create them too. It certainly would not make Jason and Sonny’s relationship any better, Jason would probably resent the both of us. Particularly me, if he found out I never believed the lie.”

“And let him fall in love with another child you planned to take away.”

Carly narrowed her eyes at Courtney’s icy words and clenched her hands in her lap. “I suppose he may…consider it from that point of view,” she said, her teeth clenched. “But it was not my intention. It’s not like Sonny discussed any of this with me.”

“No.” Courtney’s shoulders sagged and she leaned back in her chair. “No. They both just…assumed your position would remain the same even once Sam had passed away. It should have been brought out into the open.”

“Exactly.” Carly nodded. “I’m just not sure what to do next. It can’t stay like this forever.”

“No.” Courtney sighed. “No, I don’t suppose it can. I just…don’t know what should happen. After all these months, Evie believes Jason is her father—”

This was the least of Carly’s worries. Evie was six months old. Michael had adjusted after over a year of having Jason in his life as a father. The little boy barely remembered those days, and as it was, Jason was barely a blip in Michael’s life now. Evie was not her concern. “I think that any change, honestly, has to come from Jason.”

Courtney blinked, surprise in her blue eyes. “You mean, Jason has to suggest changing things—to sign away his rights.”

“Yes. Sonny’s racked with guilt—in his less…stable moments, it’s about abandoning his daughter. When he’s in control? He knows what taking Evie away will do to Jason. What this tension is already doing. So, you know, he’s paralyzed.” She sipped her tea. “Jason’s going to have to make the first move.”

“I suppose…that makes sense,” Courtney murmured, “but what if he doesn’t? I mean, you don’t know what he and Sam discussed. Maybe Jason promised Sam he would keep Evie—”

Carly waved away that concern. “She’s dead. Who gives a crap what she wanted?” It was that little whore’s fault in the first place. “Jason loves Sonny like a brother. He’ll come around. He always does, you know that.”

“I do.” Courtney thanked Georgie as the waitress set her order down. “So, what should I do with Michael and Morgan this afternoon? Anything happening in Port Charles?”

“Well.” Carly sat back and smiled. Sometimes opportunities just fell into your lap. “It’s a beautiful day. Maybe you should take them to the park.”

Port Charles Park: Gazebo

Emily removed the plastic cover from a tray of pastries. “A gift from Cook,” she told Elizabeth as she set it on the picnic table.

“Mmmm, they look delicious.” Elizabeth looked over to where Lucas and Steven were hanging some streamers from the gazebo. “Not too much. He’s only one.”

“Yeah, more than three streamers is so passé,” Lucas told Steven with a straight face.

“Boys.” Maxie huffed as she set down her mother’s gift to Cameron. “Let me do this. I swear, if you want anything nice, you have to do it yourself.”

Elizabeth rolled her eyes as the blonde teenager took over the decorating duties. “I’m not sure why she cares. She only came for Bobbie.”

“It’s the principle,” Emily told her seriously. She glanced around. Georgie and Dillon were helping Felicia and Bobbie set up the rest of the food and beverages. Audrey was chatting with Monica near the gift table while Nikolas and Alexis were keeping an eye on Cameron and Kristina playing with toys. “It’s a nice gathering. Practically everyone you know.” She paused. “You’re missing some people.”

“I invited Lucky and Leyla but they’re in New York for the weekend,” Elizabeth replied blandly, setting down a blue paper plate.

“Webber.”

“Quartermaine.”

Emily huffed. “Whatever. I don’t even like you.” She held up the stuffed giraffe. “Where you do want the centerpiece?”

“Uh, duh, the center.” Maxie stepped up to them and grabbed said giraffe. “Honestly, Emily.”

“Hey, who died and made you party planner?” Georgie demanded, yanking the giraffe back. “You don’t even like kids.”

“Yes, but I like parties.” Maxie reached for the animal again.

“Just think, Elizabeth. One day you’ll have a teenager, too.” Felicia stepped between her daughters, retrieved the animal and handed it back to Emily. “To your corners.”

As both girls separated, Elizabeth smiled and shook her head. “They weren’t bothering me. And considering the placement of the decorations, it’s clear Maxie has a better eye than I do.”

“Still, you have to set boundaries or they’ll try to take over the world.” Felicia smiled and returned to Bobbie.

Emily set the giraffe in the middle of the table. “Anyway. Did you invite my brother?”

“Yes,” Elizabeth said, setting out the last plate. “He said he’d bring Evie, but she usually naps this time of the afternoon, so I’m sure he’s waiting until she’s awake.”

“You know when Evie naps?” Emily said.

“Don’t start.”

“That’s…it’s really cute.”

“I will ruin your life.”

“I mean, it’s sweet.”

“Go over there and annoy your fiancé.”

Garden Path Near the Playground

“Uncle Jason!”

At the sound of Michael’s voice, Jason straightened up from fastening Evie into her carriage. He exhaled slowly as he saw Michael running towards him and following behind, Courtney with Morgan in her arms.

“Hey, kiddo.” He knelt down to receive a hug from Michael. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s Aunt Courtney day,” the seven-year-old told him very seriously. “So we’re in the park to play. I’m gonna show Morgan the swings.”

“I’m…” Courtney set Morgan on his feet and watched the toddler follow on unsteady feet after Michael who darted towards the slide. “Michael, watch your brother!” Turning back to Jason, she twisted her fingers in front of her. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know…I guess I should have because Carly suggested I bring the boys here—” She coughed. “We can go—”

“I’m not…” Jason dipped his head and took a deep breath. “I’m not going to be at the playground. Elizabeth’s son Cameron is…he’s having a birthday party today.”

“Oh.” Her mouth closed, and Jason wondered why she looked hurt. “I…saw you two at the Christmas Party, and I guess…things are going well.”

And now he understood. He opened his mouth to deny it, but then stopped. Because he knew she wouldn’t believe it, and it wasn’t as if it weren’t partially true.

“And look at Evie,” Courtney said, stepping forward. “So much change since I saw her at Christmas. She looks…” Her voice faltered. “She looks so much like Sam,” she finished finally.

He stopped himself from saying that Elizabeth had remarked on that just a few days ago. He stood there, uncomfortable. This was the woman he had promised to love forever, had married.

And divorced.

Who thought he violated their marriage vows by conceiving the baby in the carriage between them.

“I’m sorry, this is weird, isn’t it?” Courtney said finally. “I’m not…” She hesitated. “I don’t want it to be weird, Jason. You…were very good to me and I… know things are difficult for you right now. I don’t want to be someone else who makes life difficult.”

He blinked at her and that something weird in her eyes—that reminded him of Carly—it was there when she looked back at him.

“You’re not,” he said finally. “I’m sorry for what happened last year. For…putting you through it.”

“I’m sure it seemed like a good idea at the time.” She glanced over at the playground where Michael was dumping sand on his brother. “I should be with the boys.” Still facing Jason, she stepped backwards toward the playground. “Jason, for what it’s worth, I want us both to be happy. I mean, it just…wasn’t right. I…I really am okay with it.”

“Okay.” Jason gripped the handle of Evie’s carriage. “Are…are you happy in New York?”

“I am.” Courtney nodded, glancing over her shoulder again to make sure the boys were okay. “I really, really am. The foundation is…helping so many people, and I’ve made some friends.” She smiled. “You should get to your party.”

“Yeah…” Jason waited another moment. “I’ll see you later.”

Port Charles Park: Gazebo

Cameron was sobbing by the time Elizabeth placed the small personal cake in front of him with a burning bright green candle in the shape of a number one. The crowd of people singing Happy Birthday was not going over well.

“They all do that,” Felicia said with a laugh and a pat on Elizabeth’s arm.

“Look, he doesn’t even know he’s supposed to make a mess.” Emily laughed and took one of Cameron’s arms to plop it into his cake. “C’mon, little man!”

“Maybe he just doesn’t want to make a mess,” Nikolas said dryly as he flicked an imaginary piece of lint from his linen shirt.

Elizabeth rolled her eyes and plopped Cameron’s other hand into the cake, smearing it a little. The boy looked at her with what could only be described as incredulous expression, then gingerly raised the cake covered fist to his mouth.

“Where does this caution come from?” Emily asked. “Your mother is the most impulsive woman I’ve ever met.” Elizabeth saw her glance at Jason, seated at the end of the picnic table. “Must be the company she keeps.”

The crowd gathered snickered while Jason just offered a bland stare.

“First, I cannot believe you think I’m more impulsive than you are,” Elizabeth said. “Second, I taught my kid manners. So bite me.”

“Anyway,” Bobbie drawled. “I remember that Lucas needed a bit of encouragement to start as well, and it looks like Cameron has the right idea.”

The newly minted one-year-old was demolishing the cake now, with pieces of frosting tangled in his brown curls. He grinned at his mother and held out a chunk of chocolate cake.

“No, thanks, baby.” Elizabeth batted it away and reached for a napkin. “Thanks so much for coming everyone, I know Cameron isn’t going to remember it, but I will. It means a lot.”

“Well, if you need a baby sitter,” Georgie began but her sister rolled her eyes.

“You are such a suck up.”

“Shut up, Maxie.”

“Quiet, heathens,” Felicia cut them both off. “Why don’t you help Lucas put some of those presents in Elizabeth’s car—”

“Oh, no, Felicia, it’s not necessary,” Elizabeth began, but the blonde woman just waved her away.

“You’ll learn soon enough, Elizabeth, that the only good thing about having teenagers is putting them to work.” Felicia stood up. “And then you can take down the decorations.”

“I feel like I’m being punished,” Maxie complained as her mother herded the trio towards the table of presents.

“I’m sorry if they’re a pain,” Bobbie began.

“No, no.” Elizabeth shook her head. “They’re good kids, and I know Georgie would be a great baby sitter.” She blinked as the flash from Emily’s camera all but blinded her. “Whoa, Em. What the—”

“Sorry, sorry. I forgot to switch it off.” Emily set the digital camera down. “Just wanted a few shots of my godson enjoying his first birthday cake.”

“Gram,” Steven said. “What do you say we take Cameron over to get cleaned up and he can play with Kristina and Evie a bit more.” He climbed out from the picnic table.

“All right. Bobbie?”

“Sure.” The redhead smiled at them and followed Steven and her grandmother to the table where Cameron’s bag was kept so they could fish out the wipes.

“I’ll get the streamers, Liz,” Nikolas told her. “Did you want to save any?”

“No.” Elizabeth narrowed her eyes as Emily followed her fiancé, leaving her alone at the table with Jason. “Do you ever think you’re the subject of a massive conspiracy?”

“No.” Jason sighed and slid down the table so he was across from her. “But I’m starting to. Wasn’t Alexis here earlier?”

“Mmm…” Elizabeth nodded as she started to pile the empty plates together. “But she was called in with one her clients before you got here.” She paused. “Thanks for coming, I know you hate this kind of thing.”

“I do,” Jason admitted. He slid out of the table, and reached for an open trash bag to help her clean up. “I’ve never really understood birthdays or the point of celebrating them especially when the kids are this young, but I guess it’s not really about that.”

“It’s about starting a tradition,” Elizabeth said. “I remember birthday parties as being one of the highlights in the Webber household. We used to go to amusement parks or really nice restaurants when we were a bit older.” She chuckled as she wrapped plastic around what was left of some hummus dip. “Of course, you had to behave to get those special meals, so I rarely got it.” She glanced over to where Cam was toddling after Kristina. “I want something different for my kids. I don’t want Cam to ever feel like he has to earn my love.”

“I’m sure he already feels that,” Jason said. “You’re a good mother.”

“I’m trying to be.” She stacked what was left of the plastic cups on top of each other. “You seemed…quiet when you got here. Everything okay?”

“Yeah.” But he hesitated a moment. “I saw Courtney with the boys in the playground on my way here.”

“Oh.” Elizabeth stopped, her hands frozen around a dish of ambrosia. “I guess you don’t see her much.”

“No.” Jason tossed the last stack of plates into the trash. “Not since the Christmas party. She comes up a few times a month to see Michael and Morgan, but she usually takes them places. I make a conscious effort to avoid her. It’s…I don’t like bringing Evie around her.”

“Oh.” Elizabeth raised her eyebrows. “Is she…angry?”

“No, she’s…” Jason shook his head. “Like everyone else, apparently. Never really thought it was true, but I know it hurt her the way I did things. That Sam moved in with me, and even if people don’t think Evie is my daughter, they thought Sam and I…” he trailed off and shrugged, uncomfortable.

“I get it. I’ve…been in that position,” Elizabeth admitted. “Feeling stuck when it looks the other person has moved on, the whole world looking at you like you did something wrong, like you weren’t enough.” She blinked. “I’m not talking about you…with Courtney. I’m…when I came home last year for Lila’s funeral, I ran into Alexis and Ric in the park.”

“That must have been…difficult.” Jason leaned against the table and glanced over to see that Nikolas and Emily had joined the trio watching the children. Emily had Evie perched on her hip and gesturing widely with her other hand as she said something to Audrey and Bobbie.

“I guess. Our divorce was final by that point, so I don’t know why it felt so…fast. But they’re married now, so I guess maybe she’s able to give him something I just couldn’t. Anyway, I’m glad Courtney isn’t making this difficult.”

“She said she was happy in New York.”

Elizabeth took the garbage bag from him and tightened the twist tie around the top of it. “What about the boys? Was it good seeing them?”

“Yeah. Michael looks good. I—Sonny told me a few weeks ago there’s been some behavior issues, but he seemed okay today.” Jason stared at his hands. “He ran to me and hugged me.”

“You don’t see them much anymore, do you?”

“No,” he said. “To see them, I have to be around Sonny and Carly, and it just…seemed easier not to be.”

“I figured.” Elizabeth shook her head. “It seems unfair. You started this to protect them and now they’re not even in your life. You’re probably the only stable thing in their life—”

“Bobbie does what she can,” Jason said. “And they still have Leticia. She’s been there since they were babies. I know Morgan is closer to Courtney than maybe to his own mother, because she took care of him so much the first few months.” He glanced up at the blue sky. “They’ll be okay.”

“Maybe. As long as Sonny keeps it together.” She paused, because sometimes it felt like when she asked about Sonny, she was broaching territory that dealt with their business and the last thing she wanted was to be shut down because she wasn’t supposed to know.

“I know what you’re going to ask,” Jason said when she offered nothing more. The corner of his mouth lifted slightly. “And things are okay. This week,” he added almost as an afterthought. “It was a bad fight last week, which usually means Sonny draws back and gets things under control.”

“Is it a good thing that he seems to recognize when he’s gone too far?” Elizabeth asked. “That he’s able to control it?”

“I’m not sure. It’s never been like this before. The slide doesn’t last for months, usually weeks. He crashes, and then it’s…over. I’ve never…I’ve never seen him control it like this before, but I don’t know. The…breaks are coming closer together,” he admitted.

“Almost like a contraction,” she said. “Coming closer and closer together.”

“Yeah,” he confirmed after a moment. “It’s a lot like that. I just…I have to keep it together. Once he crashes, once he’s past that, I know I can make it better. I always do.”

If they had been anywhere but the middle of the park, with members of their families and friends gathered only twenty feet away, trying their best not to look in their direction very often, Elizabeth might have reached for his hand or rested her head on his shoulder—offered him some sort of physical comfort. But she did not want to give Emily any ammunition for her snarks.

And she knew that his belief that once Sonny had fallen over that dark edge, Jason could pull it all back together and cobble together a solution they could all live with—she knew that belief was keeping him from making a move at the moment. He wasn’t quite sticking his head in the sand, but it wasn’t far off.

“What are you doing later?” she asked, wanting to lighten the subject and bring some of the fun back to the day. “Are you busy?”

“No.” He eyed her. “You want to take a ride?”

She snorted. “Like you have to ask. Maybe I can hit Georgie up for that baby-sitting she was offering earlier.”

“That….sounds like a great idea.” And this time he reached for her hand, letting his fingers wrap around her palm.

Looking into his eyes at this moment, and knowing that he had sat through this afternoon despite the knowing looks and leading questions about the relationship, she could almost believe…

That this time would be different.

Something about you now
I can’t quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right
‘Cause it’s you and me and all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it’s you and me and all of the people
And I don’t know why I can’t keep my eyes off of you
– You and Me, Lifehouse

---

Friday, May 27, 2005

Wyndemere: Ballroom

This was the part Elizabeth had been looking forward to and dreading. The speech. Nothing like a room filled with Emily and Nikolas’s family, friends, and business colleagues to give a woman stage fright. As she listened to Lucky talk about his relationship with Nikolas and history with Emily, she glanced up from her notes to her grandmother’s table.

When Elizabeth had spied the seating arrangements, Emily had sheepishly admitted that putting Jason somewhere had been almost impossible but she thought he might not mind sitting with Audrey and Steve, as well as Steve’s date and a nurse from the hospital. It was jarring to see her grandmother smiling at Jason and pointing at a photo Jason was holding. Though Jason was not one for photographs, he did carry one of Evie because inevitably, he ran into Bobbie, Monica or someone else he actually liked who asked about her.

And he was sharing it with her grandmother.

At that moment, Jason glanced up and their eyes met. Feeling her cheeks flushed, Elizabeth returned the smile and looked back down at her notes. Since Cameron’s party earlier that month, she had all but abandoned any delusion that she and Jason were not traversing the same road they had a few years earlier. The only question that remained was the length of that journey and its final destination. She could not bring herself to hope for a happy ending.

And she could not stop herself from doing so.

She glanced over to find Lucky winding down his speech and raising his glass. After they had toasted and Lucky sat, she rose to her feet, flashing Emily a bright smile before looking at the crowd.

“What can I say about Emily Bowen-Quartermaine Cassadine?” Elizabeth began, raising her champagne glass. “We’ve been friends since high school and…well…” She arched a brow at the trio seated at the head table with her. “I suppose you could say Lucky and I know where all the dead bodies are buried.”

Laughter rang out in the large room, but Emily just rolled her eyes because she knew Elizabeth was talking about the actual dead body of Ted Wilson. In the audience, Jason just lightly shook his head. Elizabeth shrugged and continued. “I’ve known Nikolas about the same time as Emily, but he and I did not see eye to eye when I moved here.” She grinned at Nikolas. “I think…I may have given you some decent reasons to view me as your girlfriend’s bratty little sister.”

Nikolas coughed lightly with a word that sounded suspiciously like condoms and Lucky choked on his champagne.

“But despite the first impressions, I grew to love you both…” Her voice tightened. “So…much. When we thought Lucky had died, I could not have survived those first few months without the two of you. There’s not a word for what’s between us. It’s not just friendship, and it’s not just family. You…” She hesitated. “You’re my people, and I can’t…really think of a better way to say it.”

Emily reached over and took Elizabeth’s free hand in her own. “That works,” she said softly.

“I watched you almost two years ago, when we thought we’d lose you, Em. Thank God you pulled through.” A tear slid down Elizabeth’s cheek. “And even though the road was filled with so many obstacles, it seemed almost impossible to keep going. Here the two of you sit, living the fairy tale. Watching the two of you exchange vows today…it gives me hope for myself. For the rest of us. That maybe if we don’t give up, we can have the happy ending, too.”

She raised her glass higher. “To Nikolas and Emily,” she toasted. “And their happiness.”

As she sat down, she caught Jason’s eye and smiled.

Later, after dinner had been served and the dancing had begun, Emily sighed from the circle of her new husband’s arms, causing him to frown.

“That was not a happy sigh,” he admonished and spun her slightly so he could follow the line of her eyes. Unsurprisingly, he spied Jason and Elizabeth standing near the edge of the dance floor, Elizabeth with a glass of wine in her hand and Jason with a pint of beer. “What now?”

“Nothing. I suppose I just wish I could get them to dance, but…” She lightly lifted one shoulder. “C’est la vie. I’ve done all that I can, I suppose.”

“Elizabeth’s toast leaves me to believe that she is quite open to the next step,” Nikolas said. Other men might be annoyed with Emily’s concentration on her brother and best friend on their wedding day, but he saw it for what it was—the overflow of her own happiness driving her to want it for those she loved best. Rather than perceiving it as a distraction from their day, it was an extension of it. “Emily—”

“I know, I know. Worry about the things I can control. I guess I can’t help but wish I could create one more opportunity for them.” She peered at him curiously. “How’s your aim?”

And because he knew her so well, he lifted his eyes to the high ceiling of the ball room. “Considering I was fencing in Greece when other boys were learning to throw a ball, unspectacular. I suppose you intend to engineer a bouquet and garter opportunity. Emily, even if you could, they’d both hate it. Having to put a garter on her in front—”

“Oh, no, no.” Emily shook her head. “He would loathe it, and she’d be mortified. No, I thought…giving them a choice of a dance. They can stand next to each other all night and talk, but a dance? A waltz in the arms of your perfect person?” Emily’s fingertips danced on his shoulder. “That could be the crowning opportunity of my career, you know. I could bow out gracefully from their lives then.”

Nikolas pursed his lips and looked back over at his old friend. Elizabeth was resting her arm on Jason’s forearm with a smirk on her face, and Jason’s expression was open amusement. Even he, who had once detested the concept of their relationship, could see the spark. The potential.

And he wanted Elizabeth to be happy. Not to mention his own wife.

He looked back at Emily. “I can’t guarantee anything, but I will do what I can.”

“You are ridiculously fantastic.” Emily broke their dance pose to lean up on her toes and kissed him fervently. The ballroom exploded in laughter and cheers.

Elizabeth wrinkled her nose as she recognized the martial light in her friend’s eyes as Emily headed towards them. “I think your sister is about to throw the bouquet.”

“Which would explain why she’s coming over here.” Jason nodded and took Elizabeth’s wine glass from her. “She’s just going to start dragging you to the others,” he said when she arched a brow. “I don’t want you to spill the wine.”

“Not like I’ll be wearing this again.” She smoothed a hand down the short chiffon gown. “But I take your point.” She pointed a finger at him. “If I have to do this, you have to do the garter toss. It’s only fair.”

“I don’t see how.” Jason shook his head, his mouth curved into that half smile she just wanted to press her lips against.

She sniffed. “It just is.”

“Elizabeth! Time for all the single ladies!” Emily chirped. She grabbed Elizabeth’s hand, and as Jason had predicted, did not wait for an answer.

“If you aim at me, Emily, I’m going to make Nikolas a widower,” Elizabeth threatened as Emily deposited her next to Bobbie, Georgie and Maxie.

“Oh, don’t be a spoil sport,” Maxie chirped, her lithe body clad in a short black satin confection. “Just stand there and don’t move. I’ll take care of this.”

“Shut up, Maxie,” Georgie elbowed her. “Liz is going to get married before you ever find anyone deluded enough.” She flashed Elizabeth a shy smile. “Maxie’s a brat.”

“Bite me, Georgie,” the blonde snipped, tossing her blonde hair out of her eyes. “Let the professionals handle this—”

“I seem to remember,” Bobbie began with a smile, “Mac and Felicia’s wedding.” She looked at Elizabeth. “Do you?”

“Oh, God…” Elizabeth laughed, pressing a hand to her mouth. “I ended up with most of the flowers in my hair, but yes, I do. Wow, that…seems like another life.”

“All right!” Emily clapped her hands from the front of the room. “Let’s get this going. Ladies, try not to murder each other.” She cast one more long look at the group assembled, and Elizabeth saw her narrow her eyes at Elizabeth’s position. Little brat.

As soon as Emily had turned her back, Elizabeth took one long step to the left to avoid Emily’s aim.

Though why she was surprised when Emily released the bouquet of roses and tulips with a decidedly crooked curve towards her, she couldn’t say.

Emily had always known her better than anyone else.

Leaving a pouting Maxie and laughing Georgie behind with their aunt Bobbie to commiserate, Elizabeth returned to Jason’s side, the bridal bouquet tucked in the crook of her elbow. “I could learn to hate your sister.” She sniffed. “In fact, I’m going to ask you not to go for the garter. It’s about time we turned the tables on her. I am not some trained little puppy she can push around.”

Jason frowned and shook his head. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, please. Emily’s as transparent as the brain cells in Maxie Jones’ head.” Elizabeth huffed and glared at the bouquet in her arms. “How many times have we asked her to lay off? But does she? Nope. Just keeps pushing. We can’t let her keep having her way.”

“Okay,” he said, drawing out the word as if to indicate he had lost the thread of the conversation. And then he shifted his feet and his uncertain blue eyes met hers. “W-would it be so…bad?”

“Oh.” Elizabeth pressed her lips together. “No. No, that’s not—shoot.” Behind her, she saw Nikolas and Emily setting up for the garter toss, but she focused on the man in front of her, hoping she hadn’t, in her annoyance with Emily’s overbearing ways, derailed things between them. They had not really verbalized what was happening between them, but…she knew.

“No, I’m just…” She lifted the bouquet into the air slightly. “I don’t want you…to feel like you…” Her cheeks flushed and she looked away. “I mean, I just want it to…be our…choice.” Her tongue felt several sizes too big for her mouth and the mortification was rising from her cheeks to the top of her head. Christ, was this really the place for this conversation?

“It is,” Jason told her. He lifted his hand, perhaps to reach out for her and then a silky blue garter landed in his palm. They both stared down at it, and then turned towards the dance floor.

The group of single men had parted to give them a clear view of Nikolas throwing his triumphant fist in the air and Emily bouncing up and down like a five year old.

“We’ve been double-teamed!” Elizabeth gasped, indignantly.

Emily swanned her way over to them, her hands clasped behind her back, with an innocent smile. “So. That happened.”

“Emily Paige Bowen-Quartermaine,” Elizabeth began, “if you think I am sitting on the chair and letting Jason feel me up in front of a hundred people—”

“Wait, what?” Jason interrupted. “Em—”

“Relax.” Emily waved a dismissive hand. “I have the sense God gave a mule—”

“I’ve seen no indication of this—” Elizabeth shot back.

“I have decided to alter that particular tradition,” Emily sniffed. “Instead, I just ask that you join the rest of the world on the dance floor for one dance.”

“Em, can we talk for a minute—”

Emily cut her off with another wave of the hand. “Listen, I’ve decided to bow out of my position as opportunity creator for you guys since you don’t need me—”

“—never needed—”

“Opportunity creator?” Jason repeated at the same time.

But Emily ignored them both. “You don’t need to thank me, just…enjoy what I’ve given you.” She flashed a smile. “Now, it’s my wedding day, I’m the bride, and you do what I say. Dance.” She took the garter and bouquet from them. “I’ll make sure you get these back, but—”

Elizabeth narrowed her eyes, but rather than give into the desire to poke her best friend, she merely sniffed and turned to Jason. “If she’s really going to retire from constantly butting in—”

“Ha!”

“—then we might as well do this.”

Jason sighed and looked at his sister. “Emily.”

She stared at him, blandly. “It’s my wedding day,” she repeated. She pointed at herself. “Bride.”

He held out a hand to Elizabeth. “She’s right.”

And Elizabeth had decided to stop protesting because she wanted to dance with Jason after all. They’d only danced once before and it barely qualified as she’d been pretending he was Lucky.

Used to be that I believed in something
Used to be that I believed in love

They stood in front of one another for a moment before Elizabeth raised her hands to his shoulders and he gingerly grasped her waist, the heat of his hands burning through the thin layers of chiffon to her skin.

Trying to ignore the fact that she knew people were staring at them, she pitched her voice low. “Jason, I just…don’t want you to feel forced into anything. Emily thinks she knows best, but she doesn’t—”

“Forget about Emily,” Jason responded, his voice low and almost raspy. “It’s just you and me here.”

“Right.” And just like that, Elizabeth did forget about the rest of world. She slid one hand closer to his neck, lacing her fingers through the short blond hair at his nap, the other hand resting just above his heart. “That’s usually the way it works best,” she murmured, her eyes catching his.

It’s been a long time since I’ve had that feeling

He exhaled slowly, and drew her closer. “Elizabeth—”

I could love someone

“No, I’m sorry.” She shook her head, not wanting to disrupt the status quo, realizing too late that this was why she had procrastinated in moving to the next step.

I could trust someone

Admitting they wanted more had been the stumbling block for years, tripping up their friendship and derailing any chance of that intangible something more. She wanted his friendship almost as much as she wanted more. And if they tried for that next step and failed again…

She just knew it would be the last time they would be in this place.

I said I’d never let nobody near my heart again darlin’

“We…have to talk,” Jason said, his thumb moving along the base of her spine. “There…are things I want to say to you. Things you deserve to hear.”

I said I’d never let nobody in

She bit her lip and dropped her eyes to look at the collar of his tuxedo. “I…want to hear them,” she confessed, her heart pounding so loudly that she could barely hear the strains of the ballad to which they danced. “I’m…just…I’m scared, Jason.”

But if you asked me to

“I know.” And though his voice was uncertain, his grip remained strong. He pressed lips together for a moment. “Let’s…do you know the garden? Is there some place…”

“Yeah.” Feeling as though her heart had climbed into her throat, she nodded and gestured towards the doors that opened onto the terrace. “Let’s…go…out there.”

Wyndemere: Gardens

Neither spoke as Elizabeth silently led him through the vast and elaborate English-styled gardens of Nikolas’s estate. She stopped in front of bench tucked into the shadows, away from the light and sounds of other guests in the gardens, the strains of music just barely audible from the house.

Was he ready to do this? To take that next step? It would be a major change, and to his chagrin, Jason couldn’t remember the last time he’d set out to do something with deliberation and thought.

I just might change my mind

For weeks now, he had weight the possibility of asking for more, asking her to stand by him but his troubles with Sonny and the pressures of his life choices had continued to hold him back.

And let you in my life forever

But tonight, he had seen the uncertainty in her beautiful eyes and he knew that the more he held back, the less sure she was of how he felt, and for the first time in years, he wanted to tell her what she meant to him.

To try to put into words her place in his life and the way she lit it up.

If you asked me to

“Elizabeth…” And then he faltered. Because one thing had remained the same despite the passage of nearly five years.

He still didn’t have the words.

She smiled hesitantly and turned slightly on the bench. Her shoulders shook, and belatedly he realized that her short strapless dress did not offer much protection against the chilly spring night of upstate New York. He drew off his tuxedo jacket and tucked it around her shoulders. “Is that better?”

“Thanks.” Twisting her fingers in her lap, she cleared her throat. “It’s…so hard to know what to say, isn’t it?” she confessed, her voice barely above a whisper.

I just might give my heart

“These last few months…” Jason hesitated again. “You…with Sonny and Evie…” He shook his head, frustrated, wishing for the first time in his life he was more like other people with charm and smooth words. She deserved those pretty words, deserved them from someone who meant them. “I don’t know where I’d be without you.”

“All I did was listen,” she murmured. Her eyes left her lap, but he couldn’t quite see them in the shadows.

“Not just that…” He looked away then, towards the garden path. “I don’t know how it’s going to work out…with Evie. With my job.”

He looked back at her. “And sometimes…it seems unfair to ask…to even think about asking you…with everything that’s going on.” Again, he shook his head. He used to be a man of few words, used to saying what he thought, going after what he wanted.

When had that changed?

And stay here in your arms forever

“Jason…” She leaned forward and covered his hand with her own, her cold fingers wrapping around his larger ones. “None of that matters to me. I mean, yes, it does in that sense that I hate that you have to go through it, but it would never be a reason I would step back.”
If you asked me to

“I know.” And he did—he knew the reasons he would hesitate to step forward would not matter to her, but for the first time, he wondered if she harbored any doubts, if the uncertainty he felt was his alone.

“Jason…” As if reading his mind, she squared her shoulders. “I know that our…that…I’m an issue for Sonny.” Her tongue swept across her top lip before she drew the bottom one to nibble it on. “If I…agitate Sonny, and I suppose Carly by extension…what does that mean when things…are different?”

If you asked me to

He shook his head. “I-I don’t know what you mean. And you don’t…agitate Sonny.” Jason hesitated. “It’s not even you. It’s just…he resents anyone in Evie’s life that isn’t him. He just…when he gets into one of those moods, when he’s not in control, when he wants to lash out at me, he uses you. Because he knows it’s…” He shifted. “It’s the best way to get a rise out of me.”

“I suppose that wouldn’t change even if we didn’t…” She looked down again. “Sonny and Carly have always been at the center of your life, Jason. And I would be lying if I didn’t wonder…if we were reconnecting because they’re not in your life the way they were.”

“I…don’t know the answer to that.” After a moment, he continued. “Would that matter? They’re…not in my life. We’re not close anymore.”

Somehow ever since I’ve been around you

“But you’ve been on the outs with Sonny before,” Elizabeth continued. “I don’t want to wake up one day and…” A tear slid down her cheek. “And be alone. Like I was every day in the penthouse. You chose Sonny’s stability before. I understand why,” she said quickly when he opened his mouth to protest. “It was a dangerous time, and I don’t…I want you to know that I understood. I even accept it. But…I can’t pretend I don’t worry about it happening again.”

Can’t go back to being on my own

He dipped his head, because he didn’t know what to tell her. He had deliberately chosen to lie to her in order to preserve Sonny’s sense of peace, in order to prove his loyalty.

Could he really promise he wouldn’t do that again?

Can’t help feeling darling since I’ve found you

“You won’t have to because I already chose you,” he said finally. She frowned and shook her head, and he knew he would have to admit just how damaged his relationship with Sonny was.

That I’ve found my home

“Jason—”

“Sonny has made it clear during those bad moments that he believes I’m not loyal to him, that I would rather have you in my life than placate him.” He hesitated, because it felt unfair to his partner to paint in him that light. “But in his clearer moments, Elizabeth, when he’s the Sonny I remember, he doesn’t see it that way. He worried for your protection when he found out Johnny Zacchara was at your showing.”

That I’m finally home

“I know that something isn’t right with Sonny,” Elizabeth murmured. “And I know how difficult it must be for you, even for Carly and the boys, when he hasn’t been stable in months. I suppose…I just…” She sighed, her breath shaky, as she turned her eyes away and looked towards the garden path.

“I spent most of last year putting myself back together after several terrible years of bad choices and devastation,” Elizabeth said. “And while I won’t lie to you and tell you I didn’t love Ric…it wasn’t…” She pursed her lips. “He didn’t…it’s not like it is with you.” She slid closer. “You and I have been in each other’s lives so much longer than we’ve been friends. We have a history, Jason, and we’ve already…lost each other more than once. I’m afraid that if open myself up…I’ll just lose again. Like I always do.”
I said I’d never let nobody get too close to me darling

Jason opened his mouth, but then closed it because he didn’t know what to say. How could he promise her anything concrete when he didn’t know what would happen? He had also experienced a bad marriage, had buried a friend and his grandmother, watched two of his most important friendships crumble in front of his eyes.

Nothing was guaranteed.

“But,” Elizabeth continued, “I know that we would never be sitting in this moment if you didn’t…” Her fingers tightened around his. “Things have been difficult with Sonny for months, and even though it would be easier for you to step back, you didn’t. So I have to trust that. It’s just…it’s hard, Jason, to open that door when I can’t be sure what’s on the other side.”

“I know it is, and I can’t promise I won’t ever hurt you. I can try not to, but—”

“Life happens.” She was closer now, and though her eyes were wet with tears, they were shining. Her lips were curved into a small smile. “We can…we can promise to try.”

And he recognized the old words from the last time they had been in this moment.

I said I needed, needed to be free

 “I can promise that,” he murmured, cupping her cheek gently.

“You know, we keep ending up in this moment,” she murmured, their lips mere inches apart. “If I believed in fate, I’d say it’s trying to tell us something.”

If you asked me to

“What do you think that is?” he asked, his thumb brushing her bottom lip.

Her smile broadened and in her eyes, something lit up.

I give you my world

“To stop talking,” she said, fisting her hand in his tuxedo shirt and closing the distance between their mouths.

Everything, everything

Her lips were warm and sweet against his. Jason slid his hand into her loose curls, pressing her closer. His tongue traced the fullness of her lip before dipping inside to deepen the kiss and finally taste her the way he had wanted to for years.

If you asked me to

He drew back slightly after a long moment, her breath heavy against his lips. “I never thought we could be back here,” he murmured. “Thank you for coming home last year.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, nipping at his lower lip. “For giving me a ride home five years ago.”

Just ask me to

Take my hand, I’ll teach you to dance.
I’ll spin you around, won’t let you fall down.
Would you let me lead? You can step on my feet
Give it a try, it’ll be alright
– All About Us, This Is We

---

June 7, 2005 

Warehouse: Sonny’s Office

Something had changed.

Sonny sat behind his desk and studied his partner, the man whom he still called friend though he had a feeling that was more of a label than a description.

And something was different about him.

Could he ask Jason? Had things been quiet, even stable between them long enough? The last blow up had been more than a month ago, the blow up about Johnny Zacchara’s surveillance. Sonny had continued making his lists to control his conversations and had taken to locking himself in the maid’s room at the penthouse when Carly was at the club and the kids were gone. In that room, he allowed himself to rant, to rave, to scream.

He let the emotions out, hoping that the release would control them. And they were, to a certain extent. He exerted complete control in the areas he could—he carved more time out to cook, concentrating on teaching Michael to eat healthier and spending more time with him in particular.

To keep control in his personal life, so he could keep his cool during business meetings.

He could do this.

Sonny cleared his throat and glanced at his list. Jason. Mickey. Trucks. He could do this. “Ah, your sister’s wedding went well, I guess.”

Jason nodded, his expression guarded. “It did, she and Nikolas are in Greece for the honeymoon.” He shifted, looking almost uncomfortable. “I haven’t been by since because—”

Sonny held up a hand. “If there was something to report, you’d tell me.” He laid his hands flat on the desk, because sometimes just that centered him. “Um, you doing okay? I mean…” He paused. “Elizabeth doing okay?”

Jason didn’t answer right away, but Sonny didn’t let the irritation rise, didn’t feel it crawl into his throat. Maybe it was going to be okay. He had worked hard the last few weeks to get himself under control.

Once he could control the dark moments, he could eliminate them.

‘She’s fine,” Jason answered finally. “We, decided, ah…” He glanced away, seemed to make some sort of internal decision before meeting Sonny’s eyes. “We’re seeing each other.”

This was not going to be a problem. Elizabeth was a good woman with a beautiful child. She had always cared for Jason, would be good to him. Would be good to Evie.

And Sonny, above all, knew that he wanted what was best for Evie.

He knew he wasn’t. Not until he could control himself.

“Good,” Sonny said finally, hoping it had not taken him too long to answer, but Jason seemed to understand that that extra pause was a good thing. He was thinking before he spoke, weighing his words. “Ah, it’s nothing I didn’t expect to hear, but it’s good, you know? I know you don’t believe me, but I always liked her.”

“I know. She…” Jason shifted again. “She said the same about you.”

“Good, good.” Sonny crossed Jason’s name off the list. “You haven’t reported in about the surveillance, so I figure we don’t know anything new.”

“No.” Jason shook his head, and now the frustration Sonny had been feeling filtered into his expression. “We’re not closer to figuring out who took the truck and took out Mickey. The Ruiz brothers are in Miami, no movement from them. No unexplained meetings or calls. I told Roscoe to stay on it, to see if I could move another man down there to cover one of the brothers.”

“And…the Zaccharas?” Sonny asked. He would make it through this. If Jason told him Johnny wasn’t involved, this time Sonny was determined to trust his judgment. Jason had no reason to protect Johnny, this man had met Elizabeth who was no longer just a friend.

Jason sighed. “I had Jimmy on Anthony. No movement there, but Anthony doesn’t leave Crimson Manor that often. People come to him. Nothing out of the ordinary, according to him, but it’s tough. Can’t tap his phones because there’s always someone there. He’s looking into ways to get more information. I told Stan to get some tech help, so Stan found someone to take on that work. I’ll know more in a week or so.”

He was quiet a moment. “I talked to our Johnny about Johnny Zacchara, and he recommended Francis. So I pulled him up from the island. He’s covered Zacchara, but mostly it’s galleries and restaurants when the kid is in the city. He’s in Port Charles often.”

“How often?” Sonny winced when he heard the sharp tone in his voice. No. Let him finish.

“A few nights a week,” Jason admitted. “His girlfriend has a place, Zacchara is there most of the time.” He stopped for a moment. “He goes to Luke’s a lot. And he was at Jake’s one night, playing pool.”

Something in his voice had shifted there. There was something Jason wasn’t saying. “And?” Sonny demanded. He didn’t notice that his hands were balled into fists.

“And he played a game of pool with a guy who used to work for Alcazar,” Jason admitted. “But Francis seemed to think Johnny didn’t know the guy. He came in late, his girlfriend was already there with some friends from work. He played the game to kill time and then he left with Nadine.”

“You didn’t think to lead with this?”

How the hell was he supposed to trust the bastard when Jason kept lying to him? And damn it if it wasn’t a lie to tell them they had nothing to go on.

“I didn’t…I know how you were going to look at it,” Jason said, but his tone was placating, Sonny could fucking hear that endless note of patience. Fucking Sonny is crazy again, just be calm, just be measured.

He wasn’t a damned child.

“You keep telling me this son of a bitch is innocent,” Sonny snarled. “Why the hell can’t you see it? He’s the only enemy running tame in my territory, he’s around when shipments go missing, when trucks get hijacked. He’s talking to Alcazar’s fucking men, and you’re telling me the little shit is innocent?”

He was out of his chair now, his balled fists on the desk as he leaned forward.

Jason dipped his head, and Sonny hated him in that moment because the bastard was just trying to think how to answer him, how to keep Sonny calm.

“What do I have to do to make you see I know what the hell I’m talking about?” Sonny continued, his voice rising. “Haven’t I made sacrifices to show you I’m in control, but you keep fucking treating me like I’m going to lose it, like I don’t know my own organization. Damn you, Jason, I gave you my daughter. When the fuck are you going to start trusting me?”

Jason raised his head but the placating expression was gone, his eyes were angry, his mouth tight. “You think you gave me Evie?” he retorted. He also got to his feet, his clenched fists at his side. “Is that what you think happened?”

Taken aback by the tone because Jason rarely confronted him, Sonny straightened. “What do you call it?” he snapped. “You have her, I don’t.”

“I call it cleaning up another one of your goddamn messes.” Jason stepped forward. “I shouldn’t have changed those results. I admit that was a mistake. But you kept it going. You decided that I was right, that Carly would destroy those boys in the divorce. You strung Sam along, making her feel like trash, making her feel like Evie would always be an afterthought to Michael and Morgan.”

“And you didn’t reassure her, did you?” His head was spinning, his blood spoiling. “You fucking took your chance to have your own family. Were you fucking her after all?”

Jason shook his head, the disgust on his face clear. “She died pleading with me to keep her daughter from you. And I promised her I would take care of Evie. But if you had wanted her that night, if you had asked me to sign over guardianship, I would have done that, Sonny.”

“Oh, but now it’s too late?” Sonny stalked around the side of his desk and jabbed his finger at Jason. “Is that what this is? You taking a stand, Jason?”

“What do you want me to say?” Jason spread his arms out wide. “You made the decision to let it stand. You chose to leave Evie with me. You didn’t give her to me, you just kept your life from blowing up.”

“This is payback for Michael isn’t it?” Sonny demanded. “For taking him in, for adopting him. He was yours—”

“He was never mine.” Jason’s hands fell to the side. “And Evie’s not mine. Not really. But she was Sam’s. What did we always say about Carly’s right to keep AJ out of Michael’s life?”

“Don’t you fucking turn this around on me—”

“I’m not. You want me to take a stand, Sonny? Fine. You used Sam and made her feel like nothing. You signed paperwork without reading it, and terminated your parental rights. And you chose to let that stand when you learned that I had guardianship and you were nothing to her.” Jason stepped forward. “Sam made her choice. And you made yours. You’re going to have to live with that.”

Before Sonny could say something—anything—Jason had slammed the door behind him.

Son a bitch.

Port Charles Municipal Building: Hallway

“Thank you again, Ms. Webber,” Mayor Garrett Floyd said as he walked her out of his office. “That painting is exactly what I wanted.”

“Well, I’ve never worked on commission before,” she admitted as they stopped in front of a bank of elevators. “But I was intrigued by your request. Just a lot of blue.” She readjusted her purse strap. “I’m glad you like it.”

“We’re very proud of you, Ms. Webber,” the mayor told her. “One of the new leading lights of the art world is a hometown sweetheart. I want to make sure everyone sees my Webber original.”

Because now he had amped up the charm, and his hand that been casually guiding her forward on her upper arm slid down to cup her elbow, Elizabeth sighed. Well, at least he paid first. She stepped back.

“It means a lot that so many in town have been supportive of my work,” she remarked. “Did I tell you that Jason Morgan was at my showing in New York?” She laughed, the sound almost artificial. “He should have known with our relationship, I would have just given him the painting.”

Floyd’s hand dropped to his side, his smile disappeared. “Your, ah, relationship.” One giant step back. “Ah, yes. I remember hearing something to that effect. Well, then.” He coughed. “I’ll just…have a nice day, Ms. Webber.”

“Sack of crap,” she muttered when he had turned the corner back to his office. She jabbed the down button.

“Nicely done, Elizabeth.”

It was the first time in more than a year she had heard his voice directed at her. She slowly turned to find Ric standing there, in a suit and carrying a briefcase.

“Ric,” her voice still flat from her conversation with the mayor.

“I’m sorry.” And now he shifted, seeming uncomfortable. “I know…that we had, I suppose, an unspoken agreement to just…co-exist without interaction—”

The doors slid open, but Elizabeth just stood there. Better to let him get this done so she could go home, feed Cameron, and then meet Jason at Jake’s.

That’s all she wanted to do right now, particularly after dealing with the oily mayor and now seeing her ex-husband.

“We did, and I was satisfied with how that was working out.” She switched her bag to her other shoulder, just to have something to do with her hands. “What’s changed your mind?”

“I, ah, didn’t want you to hear it from anyone but us, because I just…” Ric exhaled harshly. “I’ve never been good to you, Elizabeth. I didn’t know if you’d even care, but—”

“Spit it out, Ric. I have other things to do with my life.” She folded her arms in front of her, her heeled toe beginning to tap against the marble floor.

“Alexis and I are having a child,” Ric said quickly. “I just—”

Her hands fell to her side, her mouth parted. “Oh.” Her stomach twisted, but she couldn’t understand why. “Well, that’s nice.”

“I just…” His hand reached out, but dropped before he could finish extending it. “I wanted to…make amends. To make sure that…everything is okay.”

“That what is okay?” Elizabeth retorted. “What do you want from me, Ric?”

“I—” He looked away. “I just wanted you to be happy—Alexis mentioned that you were seeing Jason again—”

“What I do is none of your business,” Elizabeth cut in. “Do you want me to wish you happiness, Ric? Tell you all is forgiven? Is that what you need to hear?”

“Elizabeth—”

“How about this?” She hit the elevator button. “I don’t think about you much at all, Ric. You’re out of my life and that’s just the way I like it.”

Jake’s

Jason straightened and turned away from the pool table when he heard the outside door to the bar open. Elizabeth walked in, took in the empty room, dumped her purse on a chair and walked straight towards him. When she wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her head to his chest, his arms automatically slid around her shoulders.

“Hey. Bad day?”

She nodded, and some of his own anger and frustration slid away in response to hers. How often in the last few weeks had she listened to him talk about his problems with Sonny and Carly without asking for anything in return?

He slid his fingertips down the soft, thin material of her light purple sun dress. “What happened?” he asked.

“God.” Her voice was muffled. “The world.”

“Okay.” He released her for a moment in order to set his pool cue awkwardly behind him on the table, before tilting her chin up to look at him. “I thought you were dropping a painting at the mayor’s.”

“I did.” She glanced away. “That was fine. I mean, he hit on me afterward, but—”

Jason scowled and stood up straight, dislodging her temporarily. “What?”

“Don’t worry, that was just…a minor annoyance.” She waved a hand. “I only had to mention your name before he turned as white as a sheet and hurried away.” Her hands slid from his back to the belt loops of his jeans. “I don’t think I’ll be hearing from Floyd again.”

Setting that aside, Jason nodded. “So what happened?” he asked again.

Elizabeth tilted her head back, her hair falling like a waterfall down her back. “Ric was there.”

Stupid little piece of scum. This world would have been a lot better if Jason had been allowed to wipe him from the planet years ago. “What did he do?” he demanded. “I can take care of Ric—”

“It’s not him so much as…” She pursed her lips. “He wanted to tell me that Alexis is pregnant, because he thought it would bother me if I heard it from someone else, like I’d be blindsided.” She rolled her eyes. “God. As if I spend my time thinking about him and his new wife.”

“Okay,” Jason drawled, tilting his head. “So if the pregnancy doesn’t bother you…”

“It’s just…” She shook her head and looked down. “I hate seeing him. I hate remembering who I was when I was with him—” Elizabeth wrapped one arm around her waist and used the other to cover her eyes. “How little I must have valued myself to swallow his lies, to believe in him—”

“Hey.” He reached for the hand over her eyes and took it between both of his own. “Hey. Don’t do this to yourself.”

“It makes me angry, Jason.” Now with her chin tilted up, her eyes flashing . “How could I do that to myself? To let myself be degraded that way? I let myself believe that I deserved to be used, that I couldn’t do better—”

“But you don’t believe that anymore.” His chest burning, he gripped her hand more tightly. He hated watching her do this to herself, to castigate herself for a mistake that she’d already fixed. “You told me that yourself, remember?”

“I know.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I know. I just…sometimes I forget. I was standing there, listening to him talk about amends and how he wants me to be happy—” She rolled her eyes. “And I just…don’t know how I let that happen to me.”

“You have to forgive yourself,” he told her. “You said it was easier when you and Ric just ignored each other’s existence, but it’s clear that’s not going to be an option.” Unless Ric did something that warranted him being tossed from a moving car. “So you’re going to have to forgive yourself.”

“I…” She pressed her lips together. “I did, Jason. I-I told you that I was in therapy last year, that I realized why I was with him—”

“Knowing the reasons why is different from forgiving yourself. Elizabeth, you did the best you could. You saw it was wrong, and you got out.” The back of his hand slid down the soft skin of her cheek before sliding into her hair. “You started a new life. You told me that you had finally stopped seeing yourself as broken.”

“I know.” She swiped at her eyes. “God. I know. Maybe I left therapy too soon. It’s so easy to say I’m past it all when Ric’s not in my life. But it’s arrogant to pretend five months of therapy can solve years of unhealthy choices.” Her smile was shaky but genuine, so the tightness in his chest eased.

“I just…wish you could see you the way I do.” He brushed his lips lightly against hers, feeling some of the tension bleed away from her shoulders. “You’re so strong.”

She huffed and looked away, but her cheeks flushed slightly. “Jason—”

“It would have been so easy to stay in California. You were making a good life for yourself there. I know Port Charles holds a lot of bad memories, you didn’t have to come back and face them.” He tilted his head a bit, trying to meet her eyes. “Elizabeth, I know it’s…going to take more time, but you can’t keep looking at Ric Lansing and blaming yourself. You’re better than that, and you deserve more than that.”

“I know.” She nodded. “I do know that. I came home to get my life back, because staying away would be like running away. And I’m so glad I did.” Her fingers gripped the material of his shirt. “Because I found you. And this…being with you, has been worth it. I’m not just talking about the last week or so, but since the minute I sat down on the bench last winter…” Raising herself up on her tips of her toes, she pressed her lips to his.

“I’m glad,” he murmured.

She drew back after a moment and glanced around the bar. “Where is everyone anyway?”

“I…paid Coleman to close the place for the night.” Jason gestured towards the table where she had dumped her purse. “Do you want a beer?”

Elizabeth frowned and eyed the vodka bottle next to the open bottle of beer, with a few shot glasses next to it. She looked back at him, her arms sliding away from his waist. “Did…did something happen today?” she asked. “It’s…not like you to close the place. You…like the atmosphere here. You told me no one bothers you here.”

“I just…didn’t want to be around people,” he said after a moment, but he already knew he was going to tell her what had happened earlier. It was too important not to, but he’d hoped to wait a little longer. Their relationship could never be normal, but he’d hoped for something resembling it tonight.

“Okay.” She drew in her bottom lip. “I…did you want to talk about it?”

He sighed and reached for the pool cue. “Not really. Do you want to play?”

“I’d rather watch you.”

As he lined up a shot, Elizabeth took one of the empty shot glasses, filled it with vodka, and tossed it back like it was water.

“Do you remember the last time we were in here?” she asked after he had taken the shot and sent two balls into the corner pocket. He glanced up to find her leaning over the table slightly.

“Uh…yeah.” He stood and rounded the table for another shot. “The last time I came home.”

“Mmmhmm…” Elizabeth walked towards him, her fingers drifting over the cheap wood the table. “You taught me to play.”

“I tried.” Jason straightened and turned as she approached him, setting the cue on the table. “You weren’t really paying attention.” And they’d been interrupted, but he wasn’t going to say that. That was before, and it didn’t matter now.

“Well, I was very distracted.” She stepped in front of him, and turned so that her back was pressed against his front. She reached for his hands and pulled them around her waist. “You had your arms around me…” She tilted her head back and he leaned down, brushing his lips on the soft skin just behind her ear. “I could feel your breath on my skin…”

“I wanted to kiss you,” he admitted, his thumbs sliding across the soft cotton, her skin almost burning beneath his skin.

“You have no idea how many dreams…” Elizabeth turned in his arms, her lips a breath away. “How many times I fantasized about that moment, about being in your room…that day you washed my makeup away…” Her fingers brushed over his cheek. “I had this one dream about you and my little black dress…peeling it off with your teeth…”

He was tired of the teasing, of the images of she’d created in his mind. For too many years, Elizabeth herself had been a fantasy, a vision he could not bring himself to trust, to hope for. He remembered that dress, remembered the gloves she had left in his room. He could still smell the scent of her perfume, the way her skin felt beneath his fingers as he watched his face.

Still remember the almost mocking vision of her in his room, smiling at him.

He closed his mouth over hers, his hands sliding to her waist, gripping her hips tightly, dragging her closer to him. Her fists were tangled in his shirt, one of her legs sliding around his waist, trying to get closer.

He drew back. “Elizabeth—”

“Is upstairs empty?” she asked, her hands tangled in his hair. She nipped at his lip. “Maybe your old room?”

Jake’s: Upstairs Room

“When do you have to be home?”

Elizabeth raised her head from Jason’s chest, blinking at him. “Hmm? Oh. No special time. Gram put Cameron to bed for me.”

His fingertips resumed the light stroking of her spine, her toes almost curling from the shivers. This moment…the last hour or so…had been everything she’d dreamed about and more.

“I’ve been trying so hard not to see all of this as a second chance,” she murmured. “Because I don’t really think we ever had a proper first one.”

“Oh?” His hand slid all the way up her back and into her hair.

Elizabeth propped herself up on her elbows to peer more closely at him in the dim light offered by the moon filtering through the old blinds. “I mean, we had chances but…you know, I just…don’t think either of us were ready.” She smiled faintly. “But maybe we were supposed to find each other this time.”

“I don’t know about any of that,” he said after a moment. “I just know the day I looked up and saw you standing at the bottom of the stairs at the docks…” He hesitated. “I don’t know how to explain it. It was like…finding something you didn’t even know you were looking for or was lost.”

She closed her eyes, her smile spreading. “I know exactly what you mean. I came home to raise my little boy, to be with my family. I told myself I was done with love, with romance because there wasn’t room for it. But Emily was right.”

He laughed, turning flat on his back. “Don’t ever tell her that.”

“Believe me, I’ll save that for when we have a really big fight.” She bit her lip. “She asked me not to walk away from it if I found it again, and I’m so glad I listened to her, Jason.”

“She told me the same thing.” His finger slid over her brow, as if tracing her features, and then fell away. He slid up the back board a bit, so he was sitting up. “I should tell you what happened earlier today.”

Elizabeth drew her legs up, so she was sitting across from him, tugging the sheet over her body. “Another fight with Sonny?”

“Yeah.” He leaned over and switched on the bedside light. He looked weary. “But it was…it was different.” Jason was quiet for a moment. “I know I always tell you there are things you can’t know—”

“And I really get that,” Elizabeth began, but he held up a hand.

“But there’s also things I should tell you because it’s…” He lifted a shoulder. “It’s different now.”

“Like when Johnny Zacchara introduced his girlfriend to us but hadn’t told her anything.”

“Right.” He reached for her hand. “I need you to know the people involved. Your guard will know people by sight, but I want you to be aware.”

“Okay.” Elizabeth nodded. “Whatever you need.”

Jason exhaled slowly. “Without going into detail, there’s been trouble lately. You know that because I put Milo on you a few months ago, but even before that, he was just…I asked him to be around.”

“I figured when I saw him at Kelly’s every time I was there and had never seen him before.” She squeezed his hand.

“Right. Well, we don’t know where the trouble is coming from which makes it difficult because we have to keep our eyes on everyone.”

“And you and Sonny disagree on who to keep your eye on?” Elizabeth tilted her head. “But…hasn’t that sort of thing always been your strength? What Sonny expects from you?”

“Yeah.” He dipped his head. “There’s…one person in particularly. Sonny is convinced he’s the guilty party, but I don’t…I just don’t see it. I put a guy on him anyway.” He sighed. “And this idiot just…does things that doesn’t help his situation. Makes him look guilty. And I can’t not tell Sonny these things because then it’ll make him think I’m keeping things from him.”

“And that’s what happened today?” Elizabeth asked. “Jason—”

“That’s how it started,” he told her. “But it…he said that I should trust him, trust his instincts, that he’d been trying to prove that I should by giving me Evie.”

“Giving?” she repeated, frowning. “That’s…not what happened.”

“No,” he agreed. “And I told him so. He accused me of sleeping with Sam—” He stopped and met her eyes. “Which never happened, Elizabeth. I promise—”

“I know that,” she murmured. She’d heard some snickers, wisps of rumors that she’d been a rebound. While most of the town had never accepted Evie’s paternity, they had assumed Jason and Sam were sleeping together.

“It just…he threw Michael in my face, wanting to know if keeping Evie was payback for his adoption…and I told him that he’d made the choice to let Sam’s con stand when Evie was born.” He closed his eyes. “And he asked me if that meant it was too late for him to change his mind.”

She knew how the conversation must have ended for Jason to have waited all night to discuss this but her heart broke all the same. “What did you tell him?”

“That I was choosing my promise to Sam, the way I chose to protect Carly from AJ. I—I had never told him before…about Sam’s last request. About her pleas to keep him away. I told him we’d all made our choices.”

“You told him you were keeping Evie.”

“Not in those words, but he knew that’s what I meant.” He shook his head. “I didn’t even know I was going to say it until it happened. I know we talked about it, about refusing to sign over guardianship. I really didn’t know what I was going to do until it happened.”

“What made you decide?” she asked softly.

“I thought about what you said at Christmas. About Evie and her best interests. That’s…it’s what Sam wanted me to do, to protect her daughter. And I don’t…trust Sonny. Not the way he is now.” Jason drew her closer, his arm around her, her head tucked into his chest. “The thought of putting Evie into Sonny and Carly’s care…I can’t do it. If Sonny would just…let himself crash so we could dig him back out, maybe.”

“But as long as he holds himself in check, you’ll maintain the status quo?” Elizabeth asked. “Jason, what if he calls your bluff? What if he tells Carly?”

“He’d have to sue me for custody,” Jason told her. “He’d have to win in court to force my hand. I-I didn’t want it be like this. I thought maybe it would be temporary.”

Maybe. Or maybe he’d just put his head down and avoided thinking about it, but Elizabeth knew he’d hoped deep down that somehow, some miracle could be wrought to fix the damage. “I know,” she murmured. “But you’re right. Evie should come first. And you know if Sonny were the man he used to be, he’d see that, too. He went back to Carly for Michael and Morgan, didn’t he?”

“He did, but I wish he hadn’t.” He was quiet for a long moment. “You don’t think I should wait for Sonny to make the next move.”

“I think…” Elizabeth drawled, “that you probably have enough on your plate without making the situation worse. If you’re having business troubles, that should be the focus. I’m sure Sonny, in his more stable moments, feels the same. Find out who’s giving you issues. If Sonny wants to push this, if he wants to make an unstable and possibly dangerous situation worse, well then, that’s his prerogative.” She looked up at him. “I wish I could do more, Jason. I feel like listening isn’t enough.”

“It’s…everything.” He leaned down to brush his lips against hers.

Later, as they both reluctantly dressed to return to their respective homes and children, Jason put a hand on Elizabeth’s upper arm. “Would you…tomorrow night. I…” He shook his head slightly. “Would you come over tomorrow and spend the night?”

She wanted to. After tonight, she wanted to spend every night with him, but… “I don’t know, Jason. Cam is pretty good about my grandmother or my brother putting him to sleep, but he likes having me there in the morning—”

“No, I mean…” He drew her closer. “You said you wanted me to be important to Cam. To be part of his life.”

“I do.”

“I want you to be in Evie’s life. To be important to her.” He hesitated. “So I want you to bring Cam over. For you both to be there. I-I can give Nora the night off, she’s already off on Mondays.”

“Oh.” Her cheeks were burning, her heart pounding. She knew what an important step this was, even if Jason couldn’t quite articulate it. It was the start of blending their two lives together. Of their children becoming part of what was happening between them.

Did she want to take that risk? To open her heart to Evie, to let Jason be so much a part of Cam’s life?

“Of course. I can’t wait.” She kissed him firmly to show him her hesitation was unimportant. They had a chance to really make a life together and she couldn’t wait to find out where it was going.

When the cloud in the sky starts to pour
And your life is just a storm you’re braving
Don’t tell yourself you can’t lean on someone else
Cause we all need saving sometimes
– We All Need Saving, Jon McLaughlin

---

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Elizabeth glanced at the clock on the mantel and winced. She fastened her earring as she slid her feet into her heels. “I’m going to be so late.”

Nora set Evie on the playmat behind the armchair then straightened. “I thought your meeting with your agent wasn’t for another hour.”

“Yeah…” Elizabeth crossed the room and retrieved her portfolio where she’d stowed it the night before in Jason’s office. “But I still have to pack up Cam, drop him at my grandmother’s before I can meet him at the Grille.”

Nora pursed her lips. “Ms. Webber, did I do something to annoy you?”

“What?” Elizabeth blinked. She set the portfolio on the ground. “Why?”

Nora gestured towards the mat where Cam sat, tugging toys from the basket she kept there. “He can stay with me, Ms. Webber. I’m here with Evie anyway.”

Elizabeth wrinkled her nose. “But you’re her nanny, I mean I know you watched him in New York—”

“But you’ve refused to let me since you and Mr. Morgan started dating.” Nora crossed her arms. “You’re always dropping him with your brother or grandmother. Did…did I do something wrong? I mean, if you don’t like me—”

“Nora, if I had a problem with you watching my son, why would you think I wouldn’t say anything to Jason?” Elizabeth tilted her head. “You’re fantastic with Evie. But I don’t pay you, Jason does. I don’t want you or him to think I’d take advantage of that arrangement. Cam and I…we’ve got our own thing—”

“Ms. Webber, if I could be real for a second here.” Nora held up a hand. “Mr. Morgan pays me an insane amount to hang out with Evie the few hours a day he’s not here. In fact, I’ve been praising the heavens you guys are together since he actually leaves the house at night. I mean, I barely earn the money I make, which is fine, but seriously. One more kid, who’s as awesome as Cam, is not taking advantage.” She shrugged. “Plus, you’re here so much—”

“I mean, I guess it hadn’t really occurred to me,” Elizabeth said. “I…just…I don’t know. I guess in my head, it’s one thing for Jason to hire a nanny, but…” She lifted a shoulder.

“It’s a mom thing.” Nora nodded. “You don’t work full-time like Mr. Morgan, so why would you bother with a nanny instead of baby-sitters as needed. Totally get it. We talked about this kind of stuff in my gender studies class all the time—”

At Elizabeth’s blank look, she explained. “I’m a part-time college student, that’s why I had Mondays off last semester. Anyway, it’s like this societal pressure on a mother. Gender stereotypes.”

“Um. I guess.” Elizabeth scratched her brow. “I mean I guess we could talk about it, but—”

“Let me make your life easier today by keeping Cam.” Nora shrugged. “We can work out any particulars later, but I can assure you I’m already basically overpaid.”

“Hmmm…” Elizabeth rested her hands on her hips. Nora might not realize it, but Jason overpaid her to ensure loyalty and to compensate for guards and security inconveniences.

Still, Nora was already here and Cam liked her. What could it hurt to allow the woman to watch him?

“All right.” She leaned down to brush a kiss on Cameron’s head. “Bye, baby. Be good for Nora.” She paused and then brushed a kiss to Evie’s cheek. “I’ll see you both later.”

Evie grinned at her, and held out a red truck with both her chubby hands. Elizabeth laughed and pressed the button to make the sirens wail. She giggled and then threw the truck.

“Thanks, Nora,” Elizabeth hefted the portfolio in her hand and left.

If she’d waited five minutes longer, she could have avoided the blonde woman waiting for the elevator. She turned to Milo who just shrugged and joined his brother Max who stood next to Carly.

Carly glanced at her as the doors opened. “Elizabeth,” she said stiffly. She glanced at the portfolio. “An art thing?”

The almost pleasant tone took Elizabeth aback for a minute, so she was slow to step onto the elevator. “Oh, yeah. A meeting with my agent.”

Carly nodded and folded her arms. They were both quiet as the elevator slipped from the fifteenth floor to the thirteenth. Carly cleared her throat. “So I guess things are good with Jason.”

Elizabeth glanced at her from the corner of her eyes. “They’re okay,” she drawled. “Why?”

“I mean you and your son are here all the time.” Carly shrugged. “That’s good. I mean, I want Jason to be happy.”

Remembering Jason’s suspicions, Elizabeth just nodded. “Well, we make each other happy.” Maybe she was baiting the harpy, but a pleasant Carly was a plotting Carly.

And a plotting Carly did no one any good.

“I figured.” The elevator slid to the fifth floor. Elizabeth had never wanted to see the parking garage more than anything else in her whole life. “It doesn’t bother you, about Evie, I mean?”

“What about Evie?” Elizabeth turned slightly, surprised Carly would address the situation so directly. “She’s a beautiful little girl.”

“I’m sure she is, but you know, people are talking about it all.” Carly shrugged. “But I guess if you don’t mind being known as the rebound—”

Elizabeth rolled her eyes as the door slid open and they both stepped into the parking garage. Milo stepped away to talk to the guard to bring around both cars. “Carly—”

“I mean, he was screwing that whore all of last year. They were planning a family together. It doesn’t bother you that Jason’s dumped you in her place?” She arched a brow. “He went and found himself a mother for his bastard.”

What the goddamn hell? Elizabeth stepped towards the other woman. “Are you serious? You’re coming at me because Jason and I are together more than six months after Evie’s mother died? What about you? How fast did you spin between Tony, Jason, AJ, and Sonny?” She narrowed her eyes. “And we can’t forget Lorenzo Alcazar.”

“I’m saying,” Carly said, her teeth clenched. “I’m surprised you don’t resent being a replacement for Jason’s whore. You know she screwed Sonny, Jason and Jax in about a five minute span—”

“That would be Sam’s business, not mine.” Elizabeth tossed her hair over her shoulder. “You know, Carly, for someone who says they want Jason to be happy, you sure spend a lot of time attacking Jason’s choices.” Lowering her voice, she continued, “Maybe this is a concept you don’t understand but Evie is not Sam, and to paint the daughter with the alleged sins of her mother is so goddamn reprehensible, I can’t even begin to see why Jason bothers with you.”

“Please, little Miss Mary Sunshine. I live in the real world.” Carly stepped towards her. “I know what Jason has done for me in my life. I am well-aware of the fact that everything I have — my marriage and my boys — is because Jason made that happen. He has protected me for years. You think I’m not grateful?”

“You’ve got a funny way of showing it,” Elizabeth snapped. “Attacking me, attacking Sam, attacking Evie…what the hell is wrong with you, Carly? You’ve got your precious marriage, your penthouse, your club, and your gorgeous boys. Why the hell are you so unhappy?”

Carly laughed then, a bitter and nearly twisted sound. “Please. Don’t throw stones at a glass house, honey. You and I both know what’s making me miserable.”

Her car drew up then. “I hate the way Jason and Sonny are around each other now,” Carly said. “You know how close they were once. How much Jason depended on Sonny, loved him, looked up to him.”

“I do.”

“That’s all gone now.” Carly pursed her lips. “Maybe it’s gone because Jason…” She paused. “Because Jason took Sam away under Sonny’s nose, but we all know when it started. We all know who’s to blame for this.”

Elizabeth drew her brows together. “Carly—”

“You think because I’m a narcissistic, self-absorbed bitch I can’t see what’s right in front of my face?” Carly demanded. She stalked to the car, where an impassive Max stood with the door open. “I started it. The night I slept with Sonny. When I let Sonny adopt Michael. I’d even bet money that Jason went after Sam to get her away from Sonny, so I wouldn’t destroy him in court over the boys.” She shook her head. “Nothing I’ve tried so far has fixed it. I don’t even know if I can. So here’s my piece of advice to you, Sunshine.”

Elizabeth pressed her lips together and remained silent, because Carly’s behavior was more troubling than she’d expected.

“Make Jason as happy as you can for as long as you can. He deserves it after the bullshit Sonny and I have put him through.” She stopped. “Will continue to put him through. He’s too good for both of us, and you know we’ll destroy him sooner or later. Make him see that. Because the only one who can make this stop now is Jason.”

Carly stopped and closed her eyes. “God, I really am a selfish bitch.”

And with that, she slid into the car and Max closed the door. His dark eyes met Elizabeth’s. “You all right, Miss Webber?”

“No,” Elizabeth admitted. “I never know what to think about Carly.”

“Join the club,” the older guard murmured as he slid into the passenger seat.

After Carly’s car had driven out of the garage, her car drew in front of the guard’s station. Milo hurried forward to open the door for her. “Miss Webber?”

She sighed and handed him her portfolio to place in the trunk. “Is this what if feels like when someone declares war?”

“I wouldn’t…know, Miss Webber.” Uncomfortable now, the young man shifted. “But I bet it’s not far off.”

General Hospital: Cafeteria

“Would you mind if I took a seat?”

Audrey glanced up and smiled warmly at her old friend. “Of course, Monica. Join me.” Monica set down her lunch tray as Audrey moved a set of charts to the side. “How are you?”

“Good.” Monica tore open a sugar packet and dumped the contents into her Styrofoam cup. “And…you? Your family?”

Audrey smiled, and took pity on Monica because she knew exactly what the point of this little meeting was. “Elizabeth and Cam are doing quite well.”

Monica’s cheeks were stained with red as the younger woman looked away. “I shouldn’t…but since Lila died last year, I’ve been so concerned for Jason. I’ve hoped he would find some sort of happiness, and…I’ve seen them around.” She held up a hand. “Not that I’ve been looking, but they’re at Kelly’s sometimes or…”

“It’s perfectly fine.” Audrey sipped her tea. “There isn’t much detail I can offer, to be honest. Elizabeth plays her cards quite close to her chest. I suppose that’s due to the last few years.” She tapped her fingernails against the porcelain mug in her hands. “I wasn’t always as supportive as I could have been.”

“Do you know how long they’ve been seeing each other?” Monica asked.

“I’d say seriously since Emily’s wedding.” Audrey smiled. “Your daughter is quite the Quartermaine, engineering that bouquet and garter nonsense. But they’ve been…” She pursed her lips. “I know Emily would call it circling one another for months. Meeting for talks, I’ve watched Cam a few times while she’s gone on that motorcycle.”

“What would you call it?” Monica asked.

“Finding one another again.” Audrey leaned back in the uncomfortable hospital chair, her mug in one hand, her other arm across her waist. “Learning who one another is after all this time. They were both…gun shy, I would say.”

“Hard not to be after what they’ve been through. Bad marriages, in particular.” Monica sipped her coffee. “I always liked Elizabeth, you know. I remember the first time I became aware…that there was something there. Something more than just Emily’s brother and her friend.” She tilted her head. “It was the summer he came home, and Elizabeth was in trouble. Jason allowed Edward to blackmail him in order to get help.”

“Well, I knew they were friends. After Lucky died, I was concerned about that.” Audrey glanced down at her cup, feeling that sick sense of shame spreading through her. “I judged her harshly. Him as well. I didn’t see what he could possibly bring to her life after all the loss and hurt she’d suffered. I couldn’t see how he had already helped her. The sparkle was back. The rebellious side that had been all but lost after her…”

“Her rape,” Monica murmured. “I…remember her outcry at Tom Baker’s trial.”

Audrey nodded. “She curled up inside herself for months, only letting Lucky in. Occasionally myself and her sister, but only Lucky really broke through that tough exterior. Then, she lost him and I truly thought I would never see my granddaughter shine again.” She closed her eyes and bit her lip. “Until I saw her getting off your son’s motorcycle that fall.” Opening her eyes, Audrey looked at Monica. “I encouraged her this time to take a chance if it was there to be taken.”

“I’m glad. Because we both know the road ahead for my son is…not so easy.” Monica glanced across the cafeteria where Bobbie was laughing with Amy Vining. “This…business with Evie is going to come to a head.”

“Sooner rather than later, I should think.” Audrey pursed her lips. “But I think Elizabeth will provide him the strength he needs to get through it.” She leaned forward. “I can tell you that in the last month, my granddaughter and her son have only spent a handful of nights at home.”

Monica lifted her eyebrows. “Oh? It’s…that serious? Her son is spending time at the penthouse?”

“She comes by to pick up clothes, spends the night sometimes for show but…” Audrey lifted a shoulder. “I wouldn’t be surprised if the situation changed soon. If perhaps something more permanent might be in the cards.”

“Oh, I wonder if they’d get married,” Monica mused. “Do you…think he would invite me?”

“I would think Elizabeth would encourage it,” Audrey said after a moment. “Jason’s not as close with Sonny and Carly as he once was. He may be more open to a relationship. As long as you didn’t push.”

“I wouldn’t.” Monica held up a hand. “I really…I try to take my cues from Jason.”

“Anyhow, I don’t know about marriage. I think Elizabeth is still quite…apprehensive on the subject, with her failed wedding to Lucky, then that disaster of a marriage to Ric.” Audrey frowned. “And Jason’s own experience hasn’t been much better. But maybe for the sake of the children, they would consider it. It’s hard, I suppose. Things are so different than when I was their age.”

“Marriage is not always the endgame,” Monica agreed. “But yet, they’re still quick to jump to it, as if it’s some sort of sport.”

“I wish I could have been smarter at Elizabeth’s age,” Audrey said. “To learn how lucky I was with Steve, how I should have cherished our life together. I can see things I could have done differently, things he might have done, even little things.”

“Well, Alan and I managed to stay together,” Monica mused, “but I wonder if I had to live it again, if I would have done it so much more differently.” She paused. “Then again, I wouldn’t have Jason if not for the troubles in our marriage”

“True. I often forget he’s not your biological son, you loved him so well.” Audrey reached out and touched her hand. “He’s coming back to you, Monica. Little steps. He’s not the same man who woke from that coma or kept Michael from you.”

“I hope that’s true, but I’m content to see that he’s happy.” Monica paused. “And while he is not a man who wears his heart on his sleeve, I can see that he is with Elizabeth. I just hope it can stay that way.”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Jason was already home when Elizabeth arrived later that afternoon. She set down the black portfolio and curled up to him on the sofa where he was reading through some files. “Ugh.”

He gathered her into his side and pressed her lips to her hair. “Bad day.”

“Long day.” She snuggled into him. “Where are the kids?”

“Nora took them to the park for a bit. There’s some sort of kid activity she said they’d love but that involved balloons and face painting.” He grimaced. “I decided to skip that.” He stroked her hair, his fingers sliding through the silky strands. “Did your meeting with your agent go badly?”

“No. He’s just exhausting.” She drew back. “He wants to schedule another, smaller show for this winter.” She rolled her eyes. “An intimate one. No big deal, right? Except he thinks we should hold it at a gallery in Port Charles.”

Jason hesitated. “Do we have an art gallery here?”

“Yes. But it’s kind of low-class, according to Luther—that’s my agent.” She sighed. “And I made the mistake of mentioning how much easier my life would be if I could deal with a gallery closer than New York, which started the argument we had last year. When I told Luther I was coming back here, he wanted me to move to the city because it’d be better for my art.”

He didn’t like thinking about her not coming home last winter, knowing the only reason they were together was her love for her grandmother pulling her back. “Where did things end up?”

“He wants to talk to some of his contacts in New York, to see if anyone is interested in opening a branch up here, with my show as their launching pad.” She wrinkled her nose. “He’s hot to schedule another show as soon as possible.”

Jason didn’t really care one way or the other, but he knew how much it meant to her to make a living from her art, so he nodded. “Is there a reason for that? Do artists do that normally?”

“No, it’s usually a lot longer between shows, but I’ve been really prolific and…” Elizabeth looked down, her fingers tracing a pattern on his jeans. “He wants to capitalize on the changes in my life.”

“The changes…” Jason repeated, not following her.

“Oh…” Elizabeth huffed. “Apparently my personal relationship with you is driving up the prices on the few pieces that remained unsold from my showing, as well as pushing in commissions.”

“Your…” Jason closed his eyes. “Because I’m a high profile alleged criminal.” Was there any part of her life his choices wouldn’t corrupt eventually?

“I know, people are insane. They’re willing to pay above market value because I have a connection to you.” She bit her lip. “This doesn’t bother you, does it?”

“Doesn’t it bother you?” he responded. “People should buy your wok because it’s good, because it speaks to them. Not because of what I may or may not do as a career.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry, Elizabeth, I didn’t think about it—”

“Hey…” She pressed a finger to his chest. “What did you tell me about that red shoe painting I sold? When I was hung up with the idea that I’d made money of it. What did you say to me?”

Jason frowned. “That other people put the price on it, you just painted it.”

“Exactly. First, let me make this very clear to you. The fact that morons are willing to pay more money for one of my paintings because we’re dating says more about them than it does about you,” Elizabeth said. “Second, being with you has only made my art better. Luther looked at some of the photos I took of the pieces in my studio that I’ve been working on since April, and he says they show an emotional arc that people will eat up.” She smirked. “Apparently, the darkness, loneliness and isolation of my first show is going be completely eclipsed by the newfound hope for the future I’ve found.”

Jason scowled. “What darkness?”

She laughed, which eased the tightness in his chest. “It’s just art speak. Luther loves the new stuff, thinks it’ll sell even better than the last show. To show emotional growth, it’ll just engage the art world, make them part of the story.”

“I…” He blinked. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah, neither do I. I just paint what I feel.” She shrugged and kicked off her heels. “That was actually the highlight of the meeting for me, even though I knew it would bother you a bit. The downside is this gallery idea — Luther wants me to partner in with whoever opens the branch. To lend my name will apparently give it credibility and popularity.” Her eyes were wide now. “I mean, do you hear those words? My name will lend credibility. Because I have a name in the art world.”

“That’s a good thing, right?” he asked, unsure. This was so out of his realm of comfort, he couldn’t begin to know the right thing to say.

“It’s weird.” She pursed her lips. “Jason, a year ago, no one had heard of me. I was in therapy, mostly feeling like a complete failure except for my beautiful little boy. And now, I’m…” She sighed and closed her eyes. “Now, I’m the toast of the art world, I have my amazing family and friends standing behind me…” Her eyes drifted open and they were sparkling. “I have you. I have Cameron and Evie. God, Jason, I am so ridiculously happy that I’m pretty sure I’ll screw it up any moment now. I’m really good at it.”

He leaned forward to capture her mouth in a soft kiss. “I know what you mean.”

“And I’m going to screw it right up now,” she said on a sigh when she drew away.

“What?” Jason frowned. “Elizabeth—”

“I ran into Carly when I was leaving earlier,” she said. “Jason…I think I know what she wants from you.”

Jason sighed, disentangled himself from Elizabeth, and crossed to the window to look out over the harbor. “To sign my guardianship of Evie over to Sonny.”

“Yeah…”

He heard the rustling as she stood. “Jason,” she continued, her voice drawing closer. “I don’t know how much longer we can put off making a decision.”

He turned to face her. “I thought I had. I told Sonny I wasn’t going to—”

“I know what you told him,” Elizabeth interrupted. “But Carly remains the wild card. Jason, I want…” She hesitated. “I want to build a life with you. That’s what all these months have been about. I have always understood how matters came to this point, but I don’t understand why…” She dipped her head. “Why we don’t get Sonny some help.”

“You say that like it’s so easy.” Jason folded his arms, feeling uncharacteristically annoyed with her, even though he knew she was right. “You think it’s the first time that’s been suggested?”

“I’m saying that I understand that the situation is difficult,” Elizabeth drew out the words. “That it’s not just about Sonny’s mental well-being. I know if any sign of weakness becomes apparent to the people who aren’t loyal to Sonny, it’ll create problems. You told me you’ve spent years placating him in these moods. I don’t know if that’s going to work this time—”

“I can’t force him to get help.” He shook his head. “Short of that, all I can do is minimize the damage—” He stopped. “What exactly did Carly say to you?”

“She’s so angry inside, Jason. She tells me how much you’ve protected her, she even told me that she knows Sam was part of a plan to continue that protection, to protect that boys.” Elizabeth shook her head. “I think she’s still trying to play as if she doesn’t know anything, but I don’t buy it. Her anger towards Sam is so fresh, but Jason…I’m scared for you.”

“For me?” Jason shook his head. “Carly isn’t a danger to me—”

“Really?” Elizabeth asked, tilting her head. “All the while she’s talking to me about knowing the damage she’s done, I only see the way her eyes look when she talks about you. And it’s not the way it used to be. Right now, she blames Sam. She blames herself. But we both know Carly isn’t going to play the martyr for long. It’s not a skin she fits in well.”

Jason sighed and rubbed his face. “You think she’ll blame me.”

“I think she’s halfway there even if she doesn’t recognize it.” Elizabeth stepped towards him. “You’ve told me yourself—in his good moments, Sonny seems to recognize his reasons for letting the situation stand, but in his worst moments, he blames you. Do you think Carly doesn’t see that? She’s so used to you fixing things. If you don’t come through for her, if you let Sonny crash and her world collapses with him, do you think she won’t find a way to blame you?”

“So, what do I do? Sign her away, give Sam’s daughter to Carly and Sonny?” Jason shook his head. “I-I can’t do that. Elizabeth, I can’t believe you’re asking me—”

“I’m not asking you to do anything,” Elizabeth said. “I love Evie, too. And I have a great deal of respect for Sam and her wishes, because I know what it’s like to feel disposable, to be desperate to protect yourself and your child from a man who’ll just ruin it all. I was married to Sonny’s brother, Jason. Do you think I don’t know the darkness that runs in their family? I want to keep her as far away from Sonny and Carly as possible. Unless Sonny gets some help, he’ll never be a fit father.”

He had never considered that Ric’s brand of insanity might be in anyway related to Sonny’s, but again he’d disregarded Elizabeth’s own experiences in this. She knew what it was like to be surrounded by someone who was sinking, refusing to see it, refusing to ask for help.

“So what do I do?” Jason asked.

Elizabeth closed her eyes. “I can’t…I can’t tell you that, Jason. This isn’t my world. I don’t know the ramifications in your business—”

“Forget that for a minute.” Jason shook his head. “Just…if I go to Sonny, lay this all out, tell him Carly knows, and has known for months, and still refuse to give up guardianship, do you really think he’d get help?”

“Or it might make matters worse,” Elizabeth said softly. “I know that. And God, Jason, the last thing I want to do is make this worse for you, but I…” She pressed her lips together. “Jason, I love you. And it kills me to see you like this. I’ve never known you to be paralyzed like this.”

He walked past her and sat on the arm of the sofa. “I love you, too,” he said, finally. “And you’re right. We can’t build a life together unless we start making decisions.”

Elizabeth’s eyes softened. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her forehead to his. “I would take this all away for you if I could.” Her fingers slid through his hair, and he closed his eyes.

She was right. He’d been living like this for nearly a year, waiting for Sonny to change his mind, waiting for Carly to walk out. Waiting for the situation to explode. He wanted something different in his life. He wanted to have Elizabeth with him, to be with Cam and Evie, to have a family, even if he didn’t truly deserve it.

He’d spent too many years walking away from that.

It was time to walk towards something.

“I’ll talk to Sonny,” he said finally. “But…I can’t—I have to wait, make sure he’s in control. It’s the only way to make sure he listens to me.” His hands slid down to her waist, tracing the lines of her body, the feel of her skin beneath soft fabric of her dress. “I’ll make it clear. It’s time Carly knew the truth, and more importantly, that he needs to get help. Or…”

He paused. “I can pursue adoption for Evie after a year. That’s in November. If he hasn’t gotten help by then, he never will, and I’m not going to put my life on hold anymore hoping he will.”

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

It was late in the evening when Carly returned home, annoyed with herself for the confrontation with Elizabeth in the garage. She had tried so hard to keep her cool, to show Elizabeth that she was welcome at Harborview. That she and her son were a good thing in Jason’s life.

And instead, the vitriol poured out like it always did. Why couldn’t she control herself anymore? She’d blurted out the truth to Courtney all those months ago and it was only because her sister-in-law wanted to preserve the status quo that she’d refrained from telling Jason.

Carly kicked off her heels and lowered herself into the armchair adjacent to the sofa, her head throbbing. She was so tired. To the bone and even the deep tissues of her muscles tired. That kind of soul-shattering exhaustion she remembered when she’d been pregnant with Michael and trying like hell to keep the house of cards from caving in.

Jason must suspect that Carly knew more than she was telling. If he hadn’t before now, Elizabeth would surely tell him about the parking garage where she’d almost overplayed her hand.

Behind her, Sonny came in. Her husband murmured something to the guard on the door before walking to the mini bar to pour himself a bourbon. “Where are the boys?”

“At my mother’s,” Carly replied. She slowly straightened and drew her legs underneath her. “How was your day?”

“Fine.” Sonny tossed back the alcohol. “Didn’t fight with Jason, so that’s something.”

And Carly wanted to believe it meant something that it had been nearly a month since Sonny’s last violent mood swing, but she knew it didn’t. He still hadn’t had that crash. They were in a holding pattern, just waiting for the next storm.

And she was so close to tossing in her hand and walking away.

No. She could still do this. She’d meant what she said to Elizabeth earlier. Carly had started the damage between Jason and Sonny, and she knew that she’d played a heavy role in the events of the year before.

Jason couldn’t keep Evie. It couldn’t happen if Sonny was ever going to be the man he was before. Her husband was drowning in guilt, in anger and hatred for himself. Soon enough, that distaste would turn to her because it was her fault.

And Jason would ultimately be the one to end this stand-off, because he held guardianship. He’d have to sign it over for Sonny to start the road back to something normal.

But Carly knew she could change the game, and maybe it was time for a fresh hand.

“Sonny.”

He glanced at her over his shoulder, his eyes dark and weary. “What?”

“I know Evie is your daughter.”

Catch the wheel that breaks the butterfly
I cried the rain that fills the ocean wide
I tried to talk with God to no avail
Calling Him in and out of nowhere
Said if You won’t save me, please don’t waste my time
— Falling Down, Oasis

---

Thursday, July 7, 2005

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

Sonny’s hand tightened around the tumbler in his fingers. “Say that again,” he said softly.

“Sonny, I know Evie is your daughter.”

Yes, those were the words but somehow, he still couldn’t quite understand them. Couldn’t make them register in his brain. Carly knew Evie was his daughter.

“What—” His tongue felt too thick, the words wouldn’t form. Sonny turned to look at his wife, at the mother of his children, for whom he had sacrificed so much.

Her face was blank, but her eyes were dark. “I’ve always known.”

His chest clenched, and Sonny set down the tumbler, terrified he might throw it.

“I was content to let the situation stand,” Carly continued, standing so utterly still he scarcely recognized her. “I didn’t want any reminders of that time in our home, and that’s all Evie would be. Before Sam died, it just…it made sense to keep it going. Jason is an amazing father—” She pursed her lips and broke eye contact. “And after Sam died, when you still did nothing to change it, I said nothing. Because it was for the best.”

God. God. Everything he’d done to protect her from the knowledge had been for nothing. He’d moved her back into his home, had abandoned Sam and the feelings he’d felt for her—so that he could protect Carly and the boys.

And it had been for nothing.

“And now?” Sonny managed to say.

“You’re…so unhappy, Sonny.” Carly clasped her fingers in front of her. “I know it’s the guilt over Evie. And I know Jason wouldn’t even consider changing the arrangement as long as he believed that I was in the dark.”

“So what, you think it’s that simple?” Sonny choked off a bitter chuckle and tossed down the entire tumbler of bourbon. “Hey, Jason, that little girl you’ve raised for eight months as your daughter? I want her back now. Forget all the things we said, the promises. Carly has decided it’s okay.”

Carly pressed her lips together and took a moment to respond. “I’m…not blind to Jason’s difficulty. And that it’s particularly painful considering the position I put him in with Michael all those years ago, but I…did not ask him to do this.”

“Didn’t you?” Sonny bit out. He stalked away from her, towards the kitchen. Towards the window. Towards anywhere that wasn’t Carly. “Every time you called him, every time you begged him to fix your problems, you don’t think you trained him to jump? You didn’t even have to ask.”

“He was protecting the boys, and I’m ashamed of that, Sonny.” Carly planted her hands on her hips, her eyes accusing now. “But I’m not the one who started this. You moved that whore into our home and then moved her across the hall. Jason just stepped in where you wouldn’t. No one forced you to continue the lie. The slut is dead, Sonny, and still you left your daughter across the hall. You’re going to blame that entirely on me?”

No. And wasn’t that the fucking tragedy? He’d loved to cast the blame entirely at Carly’s feet. But he’d been just culpable. He had driven Sam to such desperate measures.

Bitch. Tricked him. Played right into Jason’s hands—

No. Sonny dipped his head. No. He had told Sam over and over again in every way except words that she and their daughter were not as important as his family with Carly.

Sam believed him, so she’d found someone who would love Evie the way she deserved.

“Sonny, we can’t let this continue,” Carly said. “If you are ever going to be in your daughter’s life, now is the time to step up. Yes, this is going to be horrible for Jason, and I am truly sorry. But I never told him to do this. I waited, didn’t I? I waited until he wasn’t alone—”

“You’re a fucking calculating bitch, you mean.” Sonny whirled to face her. “You mean you waited until Elizabeth looked like she was going to stick around this time. Her and her son. That’s the bullshit you were spouting a few months ago. You think that her kid can replace Evie.”

Carly huffed and looked away, but that was it, wasn’t it? In her head, Jason had planned a family with Sam and Evie, so Elizabeth and Cam were almost the same thing.

“You think people are replaceable?” he snarled. “You think making sure Jason had another kid in his life would make up for losing one?”

God, what a terrifying thing to learn about the woman to whom you’d sworn yourself to. What kind of life would Evie have with her? Would she ever be more than Sam’s daughter?

He’d known all long that he’d have to choose between a marriage to Carly and a life as Evie’s father, but it was so much more complicated than that. If he walked away from Carly, he ran the risk of losing Michael and Morgan. Morgan he could fight for, but maybe Carly would keep Michael from him. They would always be in the middle, and Evie would grow up, maybe blaming herself.

No, to protect Michael and Morgan, to do right by Evie, he had to walk away.

His guilt didn’t change things. Carly’s knowledge just made the situation…less complicated.

“Do you think I’d bring that little girl into a home with you?” Sonny said, his voice almost conversational. “Do you think I’d subject her to that?”

Carly’s nostrils flared. “What the hell does that mean?”

“It means exactly that. You’re a decent enough mother to Michael and Morgan, but that’s because they’re yours.” He shrugged and turned towards the window, looking out over the Port Charles skyline. “I don’t know if you could ever love Evie that way.”

“I could,” Carly said. “I-I wasn’t sure at first, but I know I could. You just…you never gave me a chance, Sonny. You lied to me over and over again.”

“I had to.”

“To hell with that!” Her voice rose. “To hell with that, Sonny Corinthos! You never gave me a chance! Never! You shot me in the fucking head and then were surprised when I didn’t immediately leap back into your life!”

He turned back to her. “Carly—”

“You’ve been punishing me for years now,” she seethed. “I was kidnapped, held hostage, electrocuted, shot in the goddamn head during delivery and you think I should have calmly accepted your affair with that piece of trash? Calmly accepted your bastard child? You’re so goddamn delusional.” Her chest was heaving now, her face flushed. “But I could have. I could have calmed down. I could have done so much if you’d given me the chance, but instead you wrote me off. And now you’re angry because I never fucking believed your lie?”

Sonny hesitated. There was something in her words that dug at him, because they were true, and he could see them. He could feel her desperation, her own unhappiness. “Carly—”

She shook her head. “For better or worse, Sonny. That’s what marriage is. I’m not walking away because it’s hard right now. We have two children together. We can do better.”

He stepped towards her. “I don’t know if that’s true—”

“I do.” Carly swiped at a tear with her thumb. “We just…have to resolve this situation with Evie. Jason—he should know that I know the truth. You know he’ll do what he can to help. That’s why he did all this, isn’t it?”

Sonny nodded and looked away. “I’ll tell him you know, but anything else…that’s between Jason and me.”

She nodded. “All right.” She stopped at the bottom of the stairs and looked at him. “For what it’s worth, I’m glad this is in the open now, Sonny. We…we can only get better from here.”

As Carly ascended the stairs, Sonny shook his head. He’d kept his temper, had not felt the walls caving in, but that didn’t mean anything. Arguing with Carly rarely…invited the darkness. Carly rarely expected him to be anyone than the man in front of her.

It was the rest of the world he couldn’t control.

Friday, July 8, 2005

Kelly’s: Courtyard

Emily dropped her tote on the ground and took the seat across from Elizabeth. “It should not have taken us nearly a month to meet without boys around,” she complained, reaching across to steal a fry from Elizabeth’s plate.

Elizabeth sighed and leaned back. “I know. Between your summer schedule at the hospital, the kids, painting…”

“And Jason,” Emily responded with a beaming smile. “I’m totally cool with you taking time to get that relationship grounded. You guys needed some solo time…Georgie! Just the girl I’ve been dying to see. I need a BLT, fries and the largest soda you can get me. Stat.”

“You’ll get it when Don finishes it and not a minute sooner,” Georgie said, scrawling the order on her pad. “You’re not in the hospital.” She glanced at Elizabeth. “You need a refill?”

“Please.” Once Georgie had left, Elizabeth leaned forward. “So…Jason’s going to try to talk to Sonny today.”

Emily paused, another fry in her fingers. “About Evie?”

“Yeah.” Elizabeth bit her lip. “I had an odd conversation with Carly, and I just…I have such a bad feeling, Em. You know that Jason and I have suspected she’s known the truth for months.”

“I know, which never bodes well for my brother.” Emily wrinkled her nose. “I wonder what she’s up to. I’ve been doing some reading on the symptoms I’ve noticed in Sonny—” She paused as Georgie set down their drinks.

“What do you think?”

“Oh, it’s likely bipolar, I mean there’s nothing surprising there, but it’s all about which kind, you know?” Emily sipped soda. “So I talked to a psychiatrist at the hospital, Lainey Winters. I told her about the lightning quick mood changes, the long periods of calm mixed with huge explosions. I also suggested some paranoid tendencies because knowing Sonny as long as I have, he definitely leans that way.”

“What did Lainey say?” Elizabeth asked, swirling her chili in her bowl. “Does she have any ideas what we should do?”

“Well, she suggested that the subject in question may be suffering from mixed bipolar disorder, which is like experiencing the symptoms rapidly. It explains that scene at the hospital, where Sonny was calm, even embarrassed by Carly one minute, and then lost it on you the next.” Emily dumped some ketchup on her plate. “Lainey suggested I get my friend into treatment ASAP to correctly diagnose him and offer medication.”

“Well, that’s what Jason is going to talk to him about.” Elizabeth tucked a loose piece of hair behind her ear. “If Sonny doesn’t seek treatment by the time Evie turns one, Jason will go ahead and petition for adoption.”

Emily pursed her lips. “He’s giving Sonny an ultimatum? I—I’m not sure if that’s the best idea, Liz. I mean, the thing about Sonny is he’s super paranoid and controlling on a normal basis. Any challenge to that, if he’s even close to a breaking point in the cycle could be bad.”

“Well, what are we supposed to do, Emily?” Elizabeth sighed, pushing her plate aside. “We can’t live like this. How can we put a future together? Evie needs stability, and if Jason is her father, then I—” She stopped and looked away.

“I get it. You and Jason are blending your lives together. You’ve got a son without a father, he’s technically got a daughter without a mother. Anyone who doesn’t know the circumstances, you just adopt each other’s kids and move on.” Emily shrugged. “But you guys are paralyzed, because I don’t know if Jason ever really saw himself adopting Evie. Or having a relationship where he’d be planning for permanence.”

“Well, I don’t know about permanence,” Elizabeth said, twisting her fingers in her lap. “I didn’t say anything about that. I mean, it’s just—I spend a lot of time with her, and I know it’s going to break my heart if we lose—I mean, if Jason loses custody—not to mention what it will do to him—”

“Elizabeth, it’s me you’re talking to. And you know it stays between us.”

“Em…” Elizabeth closed her eyes. “I’m terrified. For Jason. For myself. For Evie. And even Sonny. What if…what if Carly never believed it?”

“You mean, what if Carly’s been manipulating the situation from the getgo?” Emily leaned back in her chair and waited a moment. “Well, then we’re all fucked. Because if Carly’s dropping hints—”

“It’s more than that. I think…I think she’s starting to blame Jason for not finding a better way to fix this,” Elizabeth admitted. “Like, she was okay with it as long as it looked like her marriage would be okay. And I don’t know, if Sam hadn’t died, it would be different. Maybe the grief and guilt Sonny has wouldn’t be feeding into this problem he has. But now that it’s destroying Sonny, I think she looks at Evie as a solution.”

“A solution that Jason should be offering,” Emily finished. “And the longer he puts off fixing this situation, the more desperate she’ll get. Christ, Elizabeth. What do you think she’s capable of if she turns against Jason?”

“I don’t know. She’s never come this close before. I mean, yeah, she’s destroyed his life with Michael and Robin, then sleeping with Sonny.” Elizabeth bit her lip. “But Jason was collateral damage in those situations. If Carly decides Jason is the enemy?” She shook her head. “I don’t know. The last time she declared war like that was Robin.”

“And before that, her mother. Carly’s capable of a lot of destruction when she wants something.” Emily hesitated. “Have you talked to Jason about this?”

“Yeah. I’m not sure how much he buys my theory. You know, despite it all, he still has such a blind spot for Sonny and Carly. I mean, Sonny, I get that. He…” Elizabeth paused. “He told me once that Sonny taught him half of everything he knows, and that Robin taught him the rest of it. That’s who Sonny is to Jason. No matter what happens, Jason will always look for that in him.”

“That loyalty has never been deserved,” Emily muttered.

“But I don’t understand the blindness for Carly. I get that she’s Michael’s mother, but at some point…when does that stop being an excuse?” Elizabeth huffed. “I mean, how much damage does Carly have to do before Jason gets it? Carly’s out for Carly. Why doesn’t he see that?”

“I guess you’d have to be around during the accident,” Emily said after a long moment. She bit into her burger and swallowed. “When Jason woke up, the doctors told us his brain damage meant he’d never be normal. Everyone looked at him like some kind of…damaged person. He’d never be Jason Quartermaine again. They saw him as something that needed to be fixed. Something broken, not capable of real human emotion.” Her voice thickened. “And it used to make me so mad when they’d just describe him as brain damaged, like he wasn’t worth it.”

“I know, I used to see the way Taggart went after him,” Elizabeth murmured. “Talked down to him, like he was a child who didn’t get it. I hated it. I used to flip on Taggart for it.”

“Carly—she never saw him that way, you know?” Emily tilted her head. “She always saw him as a man. Even more, someone capable of fixing her problems. Even Robin, as much as I adored her and know how good she was for Jason for a long time, she never got past the part where Jason didn’t need constant lessons. Carly—for all her faults—never saw him as a student.”

“I guess. But still. I just…I don’t know. Could Carly turn Sonny against Jason?” Elizabeth asked. “I’d like to believe that even in the worst of his moods, Sonny would see that Jason cares for him, would do anything for him.”

“I know, Liz.” Emily set her burger down. “But the thing is? If Sonny does have this disorder, when he’s in the deepest, darkest part of this cycle, he might not see Jason as a friend, but rather someone challenging him. If Sonny doesn’t get treatment, if Carly decides this is all Jason’s fault, I don’t like where we’re going with this.”

“So should Jason not talk to Sonny?” Elizabeth asked. “Because it’s my fault. I pushed him to do something—”

“I can’t answer that. I can say that I think Evie’s better off where she is. I think you guys should go ahead and adopt her, or at least Jason should.” Emily tapped her fingers against her scrub-clad thigh. “Carly’s toxic. She’ll always be in Sonny’s life because of the boys. The further away Evie is, the better we all are. Jason told me about Sam, about the way she pleaded with him.”

“I think that’s what really holds him back. He could have found a different resolution months ago. Could have challenged Carly on her knowledge.” Elizabeth reached for her iced tea. “But he knew what Sam wanted for her daughter.”

“And Sam’s wishes should count for something. Sonny only wants Evie on his terms. She’s just a baby, Elizabeth, and she deserves the best the world can give her. I don’t see that being Sonny or Carly.”

“I just…can’t see an end point to this.” Elizabeth sighed. “But I also refuse to let it rule my life. I’m going to go forward. I love being with Jason, I love my career. There’s a lot going right. I just…one day at a time.”

“Not sure what else you can do.”

Hardy Home: Living Room

Steven knelt on the floor and reached under the sofa. “Gram, what does the other shoe look like?”

“Honestly.” Audrey sighed from across the room. “It’s a white flat. This is not difficult—” She stopped as Steven drew back, a pill bottle in his hand. “What…what is that?”

“Heart medication.” Steven looked at her. “In your name, Gram. What’s…going on?”

“I’m sure I don’t know how that got under there.” She strode forward and reached for it, but Steven held it back.

“Gram. I know this medication.” Steven rose to his feet. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing—” Audrey stopped and closed her eyes. “Okay. I have a minor heart condition, but it’s treatable. I’ve been in good health since I was diagnosed in January—”

“January?” Steven repeated. He handed her the medication. “What is this minor condition and why don’t I know about it?”

“I didn’t want to worry anyone. It’s mitral stenosis—just an issue with my heart valve,” she explained. “And I just knew you and your sister would be worried when it’s really not your concern—”

“So Elizabeth doesn’t know either?” Steven nodded. “Well, that’s going to change.” He reached for his cell phone, but Audrey reached out to grab his hand. “Gram—”

“No, I don’t…want to burden her. She’s been so happy these last few weeks, Steven. Please.”

“Are you never going to tell her?” Steven demanded. “She would be heartbroken if you said nothing—”

“I’ll tell her, but it’s just…I like seeing her happy.” Audrey took his hand in hers. “Don’t you?”

“No, Gram, don’t pull that on me—” But Steven sighed and nodded. “Fine. For now. But don’t keep pushing this, Gram. Elizabeth will handle this. She’s a strong woman, and she’s got Jason to /back her up now.”

“Soon, Steven, I promise.” Audrey paused. “Now, if you don’t mind, could you find my other shoe?”

Warehouse: Sonny’s Office

Jason hesitated just over the threshold of the office, waiting for his partner to raise his eyes from some paperwork and notice him.

It was a conversation almost a year in the making, but Jason still wasn’t sure how to go about it. But he knew that putting it off would just add to the tension shadowing his life. It had crept into his relationship with Elizabeth—not in a way that would damage it, he knew. But her worry and her concern for him would only increase the longer they drew this out.

“Jason.” Sonny leaned back. “I wasn’t expecting you today.”

The other man’s eyes looked relatively clear, but Jason knew that was deceptive. Even if he was in control this moment, there was no guarantee it would last.

“Yeah, I know, there’s just something we have to talk about.” Jason closed the door behind him and took a seat in front of Sonny. “Sonny, I think Carly knows the truth. About Evie.”

Sonny stared at for a long moment and then nodded. “I…was going to call you later when I knew how to—she admitted it last night.”

Jason frowned. “What? Why?”

“She said she was tired of the lies. We had a pretty bad argument.” Sonny sighed. “And she made me see how little credit I gave her. That I took her at her word about how she’d react to Evie, and started to lie. She wanted a clean slate.”

“O-Okay,” Jason said after a pause. “I was contacted by family services earlier this month.” He rubbed his hands on his denim-clad thighs. “After a year of guardianship, I’m eligible to adopt Evie. They wanted to ask about a possible petition.”

Sonny merely blinked, but his breathing picked up. “I—I don’t know what to do with that, Jason. You’ve admitted you have no intention of signing custody back to me. I-I’m not even sure doing so would be a good idea at this point.” He closed his eyes. “At the same time, knowing that I abandoned my flesh and blood…it doesn’t sit right with me.”

“I know.” Jason waited. “It was never my intention to deprive you of having Evie. But…it just happened that way. You—you weren’t stepping up. And Sam…she was terrified of the way Carly would treat Evie. I…didn’t have a choice, Sonny.”

Sonny slowly shook his head. “You always had a choice, Jason. Don’t pretend differently. You could have insisted I take custody—leave you out of it. You chose not to.”

Which was technically true, but something in Jason rebelled at having to force a man to take care of his own child. Being with Evie, with Cameron now…he couldn’t imagine giving them up. Didn’t Evie deserve better than that? So yeah, Jason had had a choice, and he couldn’t quite bring himself to regret the one he’d made.

“If you want to change the situation now,” Sonny continued, “we can discuss the best way to do so. Maybe Carly can spend time with Evie—”

“I—” Jason closed his mouth. “No, that’s not…Sonny, I’m not signing over the guardianship. Not now anyway.”

Sonny furrowed his brow, his lips thinned. “Excuse me?”

“You need…you need to talk to someone,” Jason told him. “You’ve been riding on the edge for months now, maybe a lot longer that. We both know it’s getting worse. You’ve gone after Elizabeth, after me—because you think we’re replacing you in Evie’s life. I can’t…I love her, Sonny.”

“Who, Elizabeth?” Sonny licked his lips. “So? I’ll knock it off. Jason—”

“Yes, Elizabeth, but I meant Evie. I can’t…let her go into a situation where I’m not sure she’ll be okay. And right now, Sonny, I can’t do it.”

Sonny just stared at him. “So that’s it? You’re keeping my daughter.”

“If you haven’t worked on this, if you haven’t gone for treatment by the time Evie turns one…” Jason rose to his feet. “I’ll petition for adoption. I can’t put her life on hold, and I won’t put mine on hold anymore—”

“I don’t see you doing much waiting around,” Sonny returned blandly. “You managed to convince Elizabeth to give you another chance. What life have you put on hold for me?”

“The one where I’m comfortable asking Elizabeth for something more permanent. It’s bad enough I might lose Evie, but I won’t let her fall in love with Evie as her mother only to watch someone take her away.”

“But if I got help,” Sonny said, adding stress on the word help that told Jason everything he needed to know about his feeling on the subject, “You’d be willing to change the custody arrangement.”

“Because it’s the right thing to do for everyone,” Jason said. “You know it couldn’t go on forever the way we were doing it. Now…it’s on the table.”

“I’ll take your suggestion under advisement,” the other man retorted. “Is that everything?”

“Yeah.” Jason nodded. “Yeah.”

He left, but hadn’t made it more than a few steps before he heard glass crashing in the room he’d just vacated.

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
– Brave, Sara Bareilles

---

Monday, July 11, 2005

Kelly’s: Courtyard

“There’s my brother.” Emily kissed the top of his head as she moved past him to sit across the table. “It feels like ages since I saw you.”

“Two weeks,” Jason said absently as he opened a bag of small cereal puffs and dumped it on the tray of Evie’s booster seat. “We had lunch.”

Emily dismissed that with a wave of her hand. “I meant one on one brother sister time. We’re always around other people. I can’t bug you the way I want to.” She pouted. “You ordered without me.”

Jason looked at her with some impatience. “You’re a half hour late. I was hungry.”

“I practically had to sneak out to take my lunch break. I wish I could skip the intern part and go straight through to the doctoring part.” She perused the lunch menu. “So, how’s things? Where’s Cam and Elizabeth today?”

“Elizabeth’s at her studio, so Steven took Cameron for the day.” Jason shifted. “You don’t like the hospital?”

“It’s fine, just busy, busy.” Emily glanced up and grinned. “Hey, Georgie. I swear, you never leave this place.”

“Don’t I know it,” the teenager complained. She took Emily’s order and then went back inside.

“And I saw how you sidestepped the question,” Emily said. She reached across the table for a fry. “You didn’t tell me how things were.”

“They’re fine.” He shifted again. “Actually—”

Her eyes lit up. “You’re going to ask me for advice? Fantastic. I’ve been waiting for this day my whole life—”

“We’ve only known each other half your life.”

She narrowed her eyes. “It feels like so much longer.” Emily leaned back in her chair. Brothers. “So, actually what? Finish your sentence.”

“It’s…about Elizabeth.” Jason hesitated. “I…want to ask her to move in with me.”

Holy crapola. This was the mother lode. “Into the penthouse?” Emily asked. “Because, I mean, I know the short-term stuff is fine, but…” She sighed. “Elizabeth said things…were getting a bit more tense with Sonny and Carly.”

“Yeah.” Jason rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, they are. I…you know I was thinking of moving out a few months ago but decided not to in order to keep the situation from getting worse.”

“But now?” Emily prompted when her brother remained silent.

“Now Carly knows the truth, and I’ve told Sonny I don’t plan to sign away my guardianship until I’m satisfied he’s in a better place. So it’s as a good time as any to find somewhere else to live.”

“Makes complete sense.” Emily waited until Georgie set down her order and refilled Jason’s coffee cup. Once she was gone, she reached for the ketchup to dump on her fries. “So what’s the ish? Elizabeth and Cam are basically living with you as it is. You don’t think she’ll agree until you find a new place?”

“Maybe. I don’t know.” Jason shook his head. “I’ve…I’ve never asked anyone to move in with me before.”

Emily pursed her lips. “No, I guess that’s true. You and Robin just kind of fell into it, and didn’t Courtney start staying with you after Ric kidnapped her?”

“Something like that. This…with Elizabeth, it’s different. I don’t know. You’re right, I should just ask her—”

“No, I get it,” Emily held up a hand. “It’s a deliberate commitment. Plus, you have the kids. Both of them. I mean…” She cast a glance at her niece, who held out a mushy cereal puff. “No, thanks, baby. You finish it.” To Jason, she continued, “Evie’s situation is complicated, but Cameron’s a permanent fixture, no if, ands, or buts. You guys move in together, there’s a logical progression. Who are you going to be to him?”

“I’d adopt him if that’s something Elizabeth would want—”

“Nope.” Emily shook her head. “Not good enough. She’s not going to want that wishy washy kind of thing—if you want it, I’ll do it. Do it because you want it. Because you want Cameron to be part of your life.” Emily leaned forward. “Jase, it’s a big enough step when you’re not a single mother.”

“You’re right.” Jason reached for his coffee. “I want to adopt him, and I want Elizabeth with me.”

She bit into her burger with relish. God, how far they’d come since that day in December. “Have you…considered something permanent between you?” She hoped he wouldn’t close down now. “I’m not trying to nag, I know how much that annoyed you both—”

“I have,” Jason interrupted. “But I can’t ignore that we’ve both been married before. Mine was…” He pushed his half-eaten pastrami sandwich away. “I don’t know. It ended up being a mistake. But Elizabeth’s experience with Ric was so much worse.”

“That’s the truth. Slimy piece of crap. He’s lucky he’s been so good to Alexis and Kristina, or else I would have sicced Nikolas on him ages ago.” Emily sipped her soda. “So bad marriages all around. It’s not like I don’t get that. I married someone because it seemed like a good idea and then I broke his heart in the worst way possible.” She pressed her lips together. “I know what’s it like to be scared of the future because of what came before.”

She sighed and twisted her wedding ring on her finger. “And it’s not something to think about lightly, that’s for sure. But Jason, when it’s right, it’s right.” She closed her eyes, remembering that incredible day six weeks earlier. “There’s something about standing there with each other, in front of the people you love, and making that promise. It means something.” She opened her eyes and focused on Jason. “I know you didn’t always see it that way, that it was just some paperwork—”

“I know it’s more now. I just….it’s only been a few weeks—”

“Time is relative, Jase. Are you going to tell me there’s something about Elizabeth that would change your mind in another six months?” She tilted her head. “Or is it because of the situation with Sonny and Carly that you’re still hesitating?”

“It’s a factor,” Jason admitted. “I don’t know, Emily. I just have to think about it some more.”

“Hey, you’ve been doing something right so far,” Emily told him. “Just follow your instincts.”

Corinthos Penthouse: Bedroom

Carly removed her diamond earrings and placed them in the velvet lined drawer of her jewelry box. Across the room, she watched as Sonny methodically and silently removed his suit and changed into the silk pajamas he wore to bed.

They had not spoken about their argument the week before—he had spent a great deal of time at the warehouse, she at her club. When they had spoken, it had been about the boys.

That ended now.

“Have you spoken to Jason?” she asked.

He glanced over at her, his dark eyes unreadable in the shadows of their bedroom. “Yes.”

She pursed her lips when he said nothing more. Why must everything be so goddamn push and pull? Didn’t he understand she couldn’t fix a goddamn thing if no one ever told her the fucking truth?

“I suppose that means nothing is going to change.” She twisted on the vanity seat to look at him directly. “That he’ll retain custody.”

“For now.”

His short answers were only stoking her ire. Of course he blamed her when she damn well knew the root of the problem was Sonny himself. If he had just trusted her, they could have avoided this.

If he had kept his filthy hands off that whore, none of this would be happening.

She turned back and reached for her cold cream. Another approach was necessary, she could see this now. She had tried to talk to Jason before without any change. If Sonny had been rebuffed in his attempts to regain custody of his daughter, then Jason had no intention of doing the right thing.

And why the hell wasn’t Jason trying to help make this situation go away? He was with that simpering little twit and her bastard. He had a family; he knew keeping Evie was destroying Sonny. What the hell was the hold up?

Didn’t he understand he held the cards?

Or maybe Sonny hadn’t pushed enough. Surely, Jason would relent if Sonny just pushed. How to make that happen?

She applied the cream to her face, slowly massaging the lotion into her skin. “Was it Jason’s idea to change the results of the paternity test or yours?” she asked.

Sonny sighed. “Carly, I don’t—”

“I think we should talk about how it happened,” Carly asked. She dabbed some of the cream into the delicate surface under her eyes. “The only way we’re going to have a fresh start for our marriage or for our boys is if we do this. I don’t want it to fester like it has for a year.”

Her husband sat on the bed, a newspaper in his hands. “I—I didn’t know he was going to do it until he did it.”

As Carly had suspected. She nodded. “Did…you think it might be the truth?”

“I wondered,” Sonny admitted. “Until I realized he and Courtney hadn’t separated at the time it would have happened. He wouldn’t have done that to my sister.” He clenched his hands. “Even though he’s been pretty damn quick to forget her.”

“I…should have dealt with it better, Sonny,” Carly said, though she didn’t think her actions had been nearly as bad as his. She’d been shot in the head—hadn’t she forgiven that? Did no one remember what she’d been through? “I just…I was hurt. I lashed out. I don’t…know if I meant what I said about the boys.”

She’d meant every word of it and had intended to use Alexis’s secret to destroy him in court, but that wasn’t important now.

“Well, I took you for your word.” Sonny stood, crossed to the window that overlooked the city. “I thought…I’d use the summer to figure out how to fix things.”

There was more to this story, but Carly knew he would never tell her and if it reflected badly on Sonny, it was unlikely to come from Jason either.

They were always more loyal to one another than they were to her. Men. They all stuck together.

“And when Sam died?” Carly murmured. She set the tub of cold cream down and slowly began to draw her brush through her blonde hair. “Why didn’t it come out then?”

“Sam…tricked me into terminating my parental rights,” Sonny said through clenched teeth. “I thought I was signing a trust for Evie. Instead, she took them away and created a will that left guardianship to Jason in the event of her death.”

Carly smirked. If she didn’t hate that whore so much, she might admire the tactic. A woman scorned had scorched him right back. Served him right.

It was easy to see this from Sam’s side of it. She’d been used, tossed away, foisted on Jason. Sonny had returned to his family. Why should she make it easy on the bastard who discarded her?

There was a certain poetry, a certain sense of innate justice that Carly respected.

That didn’t change the way of the world.

“I’m surprised Jason upheld it after she was gone.” Carly set her brush down and twisted to the side to look at his dark form at the end of the room. “That he didn’t take the opportunity to walk away from it. I can’t imagine it was easy on him, with what happened to Michael.”

“We believed you’d take the boys and fight me in court.” Sonny shifted and turned to look at her. “He was protecting the boys from that. Protecting Evie from…” His voice faltered, and he just shook his head.

“From being raised by a woman who loathed the woman who bore her.” Carly narrowed her eyes. What a high opinion these men had of her. She would have adapted to the situation. Maybe she never would have loved Evie the way she did Michael and Morgan, but she could separate the daughter from the mother.

And even if she didn’t fully believe that, what gave them the right to decide that for her? To take away her chance to prove herself?

They didn’t trust her, didn’t even give her a damn chance. She was almost tempted to prove them right. Call Alexis, demand Sonny be raked over the coals for his affairs, for his lies.

But that didn’t serve her purpose. Her children deserved their place in life, and if Carly had to sacrifice her self-respect to gain it for them, that’s exactly what she’d do.

“You didn’t give me much choice, Carly—”

“It sounds like Jason didn’t give you much of one either,” Carly said. “Decided to take responsibility, stood aside while Sam tricked you…” She shook her head. “I wonder if the rumors were true. If maybe he fell for her. She probably batted her whore eyes at him, wanted to raise her baby with him. He’s rich, single, and loves children. Perfect target.”

Sonny didn’t say anything for a long moment. “Are you saying you think Jason helped her trick me?”

“No.” But Carly made sure to hesitate.

The only way to get Evie in this penthouse, the only way to assuage Sonny’s guilt was to make him go after Evie.

And if Jason wanted to stop her from fixing all their problems, well then maybe he deserved what he got.

“And even if he did, you know it was just to protect you.” Carly raised an eyebrow. “You know he’d do anything to protect you.” She paused. “Anything he deemed necessary.”

Her stomach twisted as she looked back into her vanity mirror, into her own reflection because she knew the rules of the game she was playing and it didn’t entirely sit right with her.

She was selling Jason down the river in Sonny’s eyes, putting the weight of the blame on him. It couldn’t stay on her, not if she wanted to preserve her marriage.

And really, as much as she loved Jason, as much as she knew his heart had been in the right place, it was his fault. He’d decided he knew what was best without consulting either of them.

Turning Sonny against Jason had not been her first choice, but Jason had set the board; all the moves had been his. Sonny had only reacted to them, leaving Carly entirely out of the equation.

She was done being a pawn. It was time to remind them that somewhere inside Carly Corinthos lurked Caroline Benson.

A woman with a plan.

Morgan Penthouse: Bedroom

She was still trembling when Jason leaned down, brushed his lips against hers, her fingers laced through his hair. “Why does it always seem to get better?” she murmured, trying to get her breath.

“I don’t know.” Jason rolled to his side slightly and tucked her against him. “But it does.”

“I love you.” She closed her eyes, her fingers tracing small patterns on his damp chest. “Not just for your body, though.”

She felt more than heard the laugh roll through him. “Well, that’s good.”

They laid in comfortable silence for a while longer, as they often did on the nights she spent at his penthouse—which, in the last month, had been more often than she was at home.

She knew Cameron and Evie were asleep at the other end of the hall in a room that had easily adapted to another crib, dresser, and several more toys more suited for a growing boy with their nanny in the adjoining room.

“You know what’s freaking me out?” she asked. Before he could respond, she continued. “This is the happiest I can remember being in years.” She lifted her head to rest her chin on his arm so she could look at him. “Everything about this feels right.”

“It does,” he agreed, his fingers sifting through her hair. “And…I’ve been happy, too. I-I love you so much.” And though the words felt slightly stilted, even forced, she knew they weren’t false. He was a man who often found it difficult to express himself.

Which made the moments when he did so much better.

“I just want it to last forever,” she admitted, closing her eyes.

“Maybe—maybe it can.”

Her eyes flew open, and she pulled herself to a sitting position, tugging the sheet over her breasts. “What?”

“I—” Jason cleared his throat and also sat up, his face only partially visible in the moonlight that filtered through the blinds at the window. “I mean…we could…you could be here. Um, more.” He took a deep breath. “All the time.”

“Like…live with you,” Elizabeth clarified, her heart racing. “Jason…I—”

“I know it’s only been a few weeks,” he interrupted. “And maybe it’s too soon, but I just…” He looked around, and even though the room was darkened, she saw his gaze touch on the dresser littered with her jewelry, her makeup. The half-open closet door that housed a few suits, but more of her clothes.

“I mean, I’m already…here most of the time.” Elizabeth shifted. “My grandmother is always…” She licked her lips. “She’s always joking with me that I—I just come in for my mail.”

“I know.” Jason switched on the table lamp. “I don’t want to rush you or move too fast—”

“It’s been almost six years since we met,” she murmured, “I don’t think moving too fast is something we can be accused of.” She dragged one hand through her hair. “Okay. I mean, it’s…one thing for Cam and I to spend the nights, but you know he’s got a ton of stuff at Gram’s. I mean, he’d live here.”

“He kind of already does,” Jason told her. “If—if it’s me you’re worried about with him—”

“No.” God, she was making this more complicated than she had to. “I just…if we live together, Jason, it’s just…a thing to consider. About…our kids.” She twisted her fingers in her lap. “I love you, and I want you to be important to my son. I just…I have…to be cautious.”

“I know.” Jason tilted his head. “But what’s really wrong? Is it really about Cam?”

“I just…I’m just scared,” she admitted. “We’ve been so careful this time, Jason. And we’ve done everything right. And it’s been perfect. I mean, Sonny and Carly are not a factor in this, I promise. Because that problem exists whether we live together or not, so it’s not about that. It’s…about changing things.” She bit her lip to keep it from trembling.

“Sometimes,” she continued, softly, “we don’t always do well with change.”

“Like the last time we sort of lived together,” Jason responded. “When Sonny was going through…something like this, and I chose his well-being over being honest with you.”

“If we’re going to simplify it, maybe. I mean, it’s different now. We…we’re in a different place, and we’re different people, but…” She scrubbed a hand over her face. “I don’t know how to explain it.”

“I want us to be a family,” Jason said. “I-I want to adopt Cameron.”

Her head snapped up at that. “Jason—”

“A-And if I adopt Evie, then I’d want you to adopt her, too.”

Holy crap. “You want to…” Her throat was tight, she pressed a fist to her mouth. “You want to adopt my son. And…you…want me to adopt Evie.”

“We-we could get married, if you’d feel better about it that way—”

The room spun for a moment, and she swallowed hard. “Jason, I don’t want you to say that because you think it’s what I want—”

“I want to be with you,” he interrupted. “To be a family with you.” He paused. “I didn’t…used to think that marriage was part of that. I thought it was just…paperwork. Something people did to make themselves feel better.”

Oh my God, this was really happening to her. “Jason—”

“But I know it’s about more than that.” He glanced away for a moment, then looked back at her. “It’s about making promises to one another. I…want to make them to you.”

Her heart was going to fly right out of her chest, she just knew it. “Jason…” She reached for his hand. “Are—is this a proposal? Are…” A tear slid down her cheek. “Are you asking me to marry you?”

“Maybe I should—it should be a different way. I—I don’t have a ring—”

“That’s not important to me.” She swiped at her tears and crawled into his lap. “Are we getting engaged? Is this what’s happening?”

His lips curved into a slow grin as he brought her clasped hands to his lips. “Yeah. So you’ll marry me?”

She beamed. “Hell yes!” And then proceeded to punctuate a series of yeses with kisses to his cheeks, his lips, and anywhere else she could reach.

Elizabeth Webber was going to marry Jason Morgan, and no one on this planet was going to stop her.

I gotta say something I’ve been thinking about
I can’t wait to lay around with you
And tell you all the secrets I’ve been keeping to myself
It’s been awhile since I’ve felt butterflies.
Do you feel the same way too?
If every single second could last that much longer
Would you hold me?
– Kiss Me Again, We Are in the Crowd

---

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Warehouse: Sonny’s Office

Jason stepped over the threshold, the first time he had been face to face with his partner since their confrontation the week before over Carly and Evie. He wanted to believe they could still pull this situation back from the fire.

It would hurt to sign custody of Evie away, he knew that. And he knew it wasn’t following the spirit of his promise to Sam, but if Sonny could get help—if he could really deal with his demons for the first time in his life, he might find himself again.

Be the man Jason had given his loyalty to all those years ago.

If there was any hope of drawing that man out again, finding him inside the darkness, Jason thought he could live with the pain of losing Evie. Because Sonny, at his best, was a good father. He would be good for Evie.

And Jason wanted to believe they could find that.

Sonny glanced up from the paperwork he was considering and leaned back in his chair, his dark eyes flat. “We didn’t have a meeting today.”

“No.” Jason lowered himself into the chair. “No, this isn’t…business. It’s personal.”

“Oh?” Sonny lifted his brows. “I didn’t think we had anything personal to discuss after your ultimatum last week.”

“It wasn’t—” Jason stopped and shook his head. “I’m sorry if you feel that way. I didn’t…I want this to be better, Sonny.”

“You think I like the state of affairs?” Sonny snapped. “You think I like walking on eggshells all the damn time?”

Jason exhaled slowly. “I want what’s best for all of us, but Evie comes first. I made a promise to Sam to look after her—”

“To keep her away from me.” Sonny pressed his lips together. “Did you help her take my daughter away?”

“What?” Jason demanded. “Are you accusing me of tricking you into signing those papers?” How did it always spiral like this? When had Jason lost control of the moment? He used to be able to keep Sonny calm, to keep him stable.

“I don’t know. You didn’t seem surprised when her lawyer showed up.” His lips curled back in a sneer. “It was a fait accompli according to Diane Miller. I had signed the termination papers, and she’d filed them in family court. You had legal guardianship, even though my damn name is on the birth certificate—”

“I didn’t know—I told you this then.” Jason clenched his fists. “But you didn’t want the details. You just wanted to keep everything the way it was. You and Carly were making your marriage work. Sam knew she’d be forgotten, that you would never tell Evie about her—”

“So you decided for me—”

“You decided,” Jason cut in, his teeth clenched. “I started this, but you finished it. I told you it didn’t have to be this way, but you—” He closed his eyes. “Sonny, I’m not trying to punish you, I just—you need help. You need to talk to someone—”

“I’d be fine if I weren’t surrounded by liars, by traitors,” Sonny hissed. “I used to believe in you, Jason. I used to think you had my back—”

“I told you I would always protect your family,” Jason said. He rose to his feet. “And I’m doing that. I tried to protect Michael and Morgan, but I failed. I’m protecting Evie—”

“What gives you the right to decide I’m not a fit father?” Sonny lunged to his feet, leaning over his desk with his hands flat on the surface. “What makes you the better man?”

“I don’t know that I am,” Jason replied honestly. “I know what Sam wanted. I’m doing right by her. She knew you’d never put Evie first. Never value her above Carly and the boys. And nothing you’ve done this last year has proved her wrong.” He stepped backwards toward the door. “I came here, Sonny, because I wanted to believe we could still find common ground. Because I’m—Elizabeth and I are engaged. And I wanted to tell you.”

Sonny straightened, and he swallowed hard. “You—you’re getting married. To Elizabeth.”

Jason nodded and looked away. “And this morning, when we talked about telling the people we loved, telling our family, I wanted to tell you. Because you’ve been my family longer than anyone else.” He looked back to Sonny. “You taught me about loyalty. About friendship. What I know about being a father, I learned from you.”

Sonny looked down. “You don’t feel that way now.”

“Because you’ve lost yourself to the darkness. You’re trying to hold back the crash, trying to control it, but you can’t. You need to deal with it. You need to make it stop, or you’ll never be that man again.”

“You calling me crazy?” Sonny demanded, but his voice had lost some of that heat. “You think I need a shrink?”

“I don’t know,” Jason responded. “I just know that Carly and I have been holding you together for years, but we can’t do it anymore. I’ve been trying to do it all year, but it’s not working anymore. We need to do something else.”

“And if I don’t agree with you, you’ll keep Evie from me,” Sonny said. “You think that’s not an ultimatum?”

“I want Evie to know her father,” Jason told him. “I want her to know you the way I do. But she’s just a little girl, Sonny. Sam asked me to protect her. You asked me to raise her. I’m doing the best I can.”

“I’ll take your concern under advisement, but it looks to me like you want me to say no. So you can adopt her. So maybe Elizabeth can, too. You’ll adopt her little bastard son and be one happy family,” Sonny drawled.

“Don’t—” Jason’s throat was tight. “Don’t talk about Cameron that way. Or Elizabeth. I would never let anyone talk that way about Carly or Michael. Cameron is going to be my son. The way Michael is yours—”

“And you’ve never forgiven me for that—”

“You’ve never forgiven yourself,” Jason cut in sharply. “That’s why you keep bringing it up. In your better moments, you see this as evening the score. A child for a child. Yeah, it hurt losing Michael, but once you adopted him, I knew he was somewhere safe. With someone who would love him.” He hesitated. “And he was never mine to keep.”

“Evie’s not yours either, Jason,” Sonny rounded the desk, stepping towards. “So when you’re planning your perfect life with Elizabeth, remember that. I’m her father. This situation exists because I allow it to. I could go to a judge tomorrow and get her back—”

“If that’s the way you want to handle it, that would be your prerogative.” His head throbbed and now he wished he had never walked through the door. Did he really think that he could walk in here and tell him about Elizabeth like it was the old days? Did he think Sonny would be happy for him?

“You do think you’re the better man, don’t you? Don’t you—don’t you walk away from me!”

But Jason was already walking towards the door and pulling it open.

He wouldn’t make that mistake again.

Hardy House: Living Room

Emily pulled the curtain back from the window only to have Steven slap her hand lightly. “Hey! I’m…I’m just looking!”

“You know she hates it when you spy on her,” Elizabeth’s brother said with a good-natured smile, drawing her away towards the small crowd gathered by the sofa. Audrey was passing out glasses of champagne—something she claimed she just had lying around—while Monica and Bobbie were laughing with Nikolas.

Elizabeth had called earlier that day and asked if Emily and Nikolas could join some other members of the family at her grandmother’s that evening—she and Jason had something they wanted to share.

Emily had managed—barely—not to squeal until her cell phone was back in her pocket. She had stood in the lounge at the hospital jumping up and down like a crazy banshee. Her resident in the surgical program had just eyed her suspiciously before almost running away.

And then she’d arrived to learn Jason had called Monica and Bobbie. Their mother had the hugest grin on her face as she and Bobbie chattered about hospital news. She was finally being included in Jason’s life, and Emily had every hope that if there was going to be a wedding—and of course there would be, because what else could this news be?—Jason would be inviting other members of the Quartermaines.

Reluctantly, she knew, but finally—the fractures were healing.

“They’ve been standing out there forever,” Emily huffed, taking a glass of champagne. “And if they walk in and catch us drinking this, Elizabeth is going to murder me.”

Audrey pursed her lips. “You’re right. I should have saved it for after they actually announced—” Her cheeks flushed. “I suppose I just…I got ahead of myself. It’s not as though we know for sure—”

“But what else can it be?” Bobbie asked, her eyes sparkling. “I can’t imagine them gathering us for any other reason except an engagement—” Her eyes widened. “Oh, what if she’s pregnant?”

“Oh, God. Don’t even…” Monica’s eyes misted. “Oh, that would be wonderful—”

“Whoa, whoa—” Steven said, making a timeout gesture with his hands. “Listen, crazy family of mine—let’s not have my sister pregnant and married before she walks through the door. It could be anything. Jason could be adopting Cameron, they could be moving into together.” He pointed at his grandmother. “You—put those glasses back in the kitchen.”

“Steven Lars Webber,” Audrey began.

“Why aren’t they coming in?” Emily interrupted, going back to the window. “Jason arrived almost five minutes ago. Get in here, you lousy bastards.”

“She’s just looking forward to taking the credit for this,” Nikolas told Steven. “Opportunity creator, don’t you know.”

Emily scowled at him. “You always say that like I’m crazy. You think I didn’t have a hand in this? I put Lucky and Leyla together.” She frowned at Steven. “You dating anyone?”

“Oh, hell, that is the last thing I need right now,” Steven said. “Where the hell is my sister?”

Hardy House: Outside

“I’m sorry it didn’t go so well,” Elizabeth murmured, shifting Cameron to her other hip. “I know…you were hoping…”

“It’s fine.” Jason shook his head. “I just…I think I made it worse.” He glanced back towards the house. “Emily’s peeking again.”

“Yeah, I know.” Elizabeth turned towards the window only to see the curtain fall back in place. “I’m pretty sure our engagement won’t come as a surprise to anyone. They’re probably already drinking champagne or something.”

“I wouldn’t put it past my sister,” he admitted. He nodded towards the front door. “Should we go ahead and get this over with?”

“So romantic,” she sighed, but laughed when he scowled. “I know what you mean, and I know this part drives you nuts.” Evie began to squirm in Jason’s embrace, so they started up the walk.

Elizabeth started to push the door open but Emily yanked it all the way. “Finally!” the other woman said with an exaggerated roll of her eyes. “Give me a kid—” She plucked Cameron from her grasp.

They stepped inside, and Elizabeth pursed her lips at the sight of her grandmother’s champagne glasses and the milling crowd. They couldn’t even wait for them to announce the news before they started to celebrate?

But these people loved them, and their acceptance and support meant the world to her—particularly when she knew Jason wished Sonny were here.

Monica stepped forward, nearly reaching for Evie before she stopped herself. The longing in her eyes was almost impossible to watch, but it had been Jason’s idea to include his mother and Bobbie, someone he had always been able to talk with. So Elizabeth tugged on his elbow discreetly, and Jason handed Evie to Monica.

“Oh, she’s getting so big.” Monica pressed her lips to Evie’s forehead. The seven-month-old giggled and reached for her necklace. “And her hair is darker.”

“She looks more like Sam all the time,” Elizabeth said brushing a kiss on Monica’s cheek before greeting Bobbie and her grandmother. She almost laughed at the way all their eyes were on her bare finger.

“Enough chatter!” Emily declared. “We’ve come here for a purpose—” She stopped when the weight of Jason’s glare settled on her. “And it’s your prerogative to do what you want,” she finished in a mumble, setting Cameron on his feet so he could walk unsteadily towards his great-grandmother.

Elizabeth reached for Jason’s hand, linked them. “Do you want to do it?” she asked with a grin.

Jason shrugged. “We’re getting married,” he said plainly.

The squeals from Emily nearly drowned out the rest of the room, but Bobbie and Monica were both stepping forward to hug them. Nikolas and Steven shook Jason’s hands before embracing Elizabeth—and the force of her grandmother’s hug almost lifted Elizabeth from her feet.

“Oh, my darlings!” Audrey said, her eyes bright. She released Elizabeth and stepped towards Jason, surprising him with a kiss on the cheek and a light hug. “We thought this might be the news, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up—”

“As it is, I’m not going to be able to peel my wife from the ceiling,” Nikolas said, but he was grinning with an arm around said wife. “Congratulations, both of you.”

“This…” Monica handed Evie to Bobbie and stepped towards Jason. “Thank you—for…letting me be part of this.”

“I…” Jason looked at Elizabeth briefly. “I want Cameron and Evie to have people in their lives who love them.” He leaned down to lift Cameron in his arms as the fourteen-month-old boy tugged at his jeans. “We’re…going to get the adoption papers started as soon as we can.”

“Another grandchild!” Monica beamed. “Oh…” She pressed a hand to her mouth. “Oh, your grandmother would be over the moon, Jason.” She looked at Elizabeth, and reached for her hand. “She always liked you, Elizabeth. I just know she would love this.”

“I’m just so glad Cameron and Evie are going to have so many people in their family.” Elizabeth squeezed Monica’s hand. “My parents aren’t…in my life. So I hope you’ll really consider Cameron part of yours.” She looked at Bobbie, this wonderful woman who had always stood behind her. “You, too, Bobbie. You’ve been so good to me—”

“Honey, you’d have to do something pretty terrible to get rid of me,” the redhead declared. She grinned. “Spencers are annoying like that.”

Jason frowned slightly, no doubt remembering how hard it had been for Elizabeth to eject a certain Spencer, but he just shook his head.

“Where’s the ring?” Emily demanded.

“I raised her better than this,” Monica said with a roll of her eyes. “Emily—”

“What?” Emily shrugged. “It’s a valid question—”

“We…” Elizabeth shrugged. “It was a spur of the moment decision last night. I don’t think Jason and I even knew it was on the table until there we were…engaged.” And her smile felt permanently affixed to her face. “There’s plenty of time for rings—”

“What about setting a date?” Bobbie asked. “Are you going to wait as long as these two?” She gestured towards Emily and Nikolas.

“I—” She looked at Jason who just lifted a shoulder. “We haven’t really thought about that either.”

“I think…” Steven said from across the room, with the bottle of champagne in his hands. “We should stop the interrogation and have a toast to my sister and her new fiancé.”

“That is a fantastic idea,” Audrey declared. “I already set out enough glasses—” She offered a sheepish grin as Steven began to pour. “We may have anticipated your news just a little.”

“I don’t think you can celebrate news like this too much,” Bobbie said. “Jason and Elizabeth know it’s only because we love them so much.”

“That’s what I’m told,” Jason dryly as Elizabeth elbowed him.

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Later, after putting Cameron and Evie down for the night under Nora’s watchful eye, Elizabeth sat next to Jason on the sofa, her smile still stretched from ear to ear. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“Not as bad getting shot, no,” Jason agreed, stretching his arm across the back of the sofa. But he was grinning at her. “You must really think I hate people for as often as you apologize for dragging me to crowded events.”

She tucked her legs underneath her, her knees pressing into his thigh. “I know you don’t even like the majority of people you actually know, much less strangers,” Elizabeth said. “So, yeah, I’m always kind of feeling bad when you do something you wouldn’t otherwise because I asked you to.”

“I liked the people in that room tonight.” Jason reached for her hand, lacing their fingers together. “Nikolas is good for my sister—she’s never been happier. I know how much your brother and grandmother mean to you—” He hesitated. “And I invited Monica and Bobbie, so how could I argue?”

“Monica looked so happy tonight,” Elizabeth mused, resting her head against the seat cushions. “I think she could have lit the entire town with that smile. She loves you so much.”

“I used…” Jason tilted his head back slightly. “I used to see her looking at me like that and I’d think…it’s not…about me. It’s for who I used to be. I didn’t think she saw me.”

“Do you still consider Jason Quartermaine to be a different person? Someone separate from you?” she asked. “I remember the way you used to talk about it…when we first met. Even though you’d use the first person, I still felt like you considered it separate.”

“I had to then.” His fingers rubbed over her skin, absently tracing patterns across her palm. “It was the only way to deal with the way people looked at me. The Quartermaines wanted me to be who I was. The doctors didn’t think I’d ever be able to live on my own.” His face tightened. “Tony Jones wanted them to take Michael from me. That I couldn’t be a fit parent because of the accident.”

“He was just angry Carly preferred you to him.” Elizabeth wrinkled her nose. “You were a better father to Michael then some men are to children that are actually theirs.”

“Robin helped a lot,” Jason admitted. “And mostly, I just…I read all the books that were out there. And it got easier. Because Michael—he was such a good baby…” He stopped and shook his head. “Anyway. I think Monica…she knows who I am now. And accepts my choices. Maybe she doesn’t like them, but she knows they’re mine to make.”

“Do you think you’d want to invite the rest of your family to the wedding?” she asked hesitantly. “Alan….Edward…Ned and Dillon?”

“There was a time,” Jason said slowly, “that I would have been so angry at the insinuation that they were my family—that I was part of them at all.” He looked away.

“And now?”

“And now,” Jason said, “I think I could deal with it. I used to think they lied and schemed and destroyed each other for fun. And they do that, particularly Tracy and Edward. But Ned…other than what happened to Kristina a few years ago…I’ve never had problem with him.” He frowned. “I’m not even sure I know Dillon all that well.” He looked at her. “Everyone asked for details. If we set the date, how big it was going to be—I don’t know what you want to do about that.”

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “Part of me just…” She lifted a shoulder. “I want to start our lives. To have a quiet and quick ceremony so we can just…be a family.”

“But the rest of you?” Jason asked, tilting his head. “Do you want something bigger?”

“Not huge,” Elizabeth admitted. “But I don’t know…I’d like to try something traditional for a change.” She sighed. “Maybe be engaged for a while, enjoying it. It’s the first time someone has proposed to me without being brainwashed or me being pregnant…I’d like to have that for a while.”

“As long as you’re with me, it’s not important to me,” Jason admitted. “I still want you and Cameron to move in. Here, to start with. We could start looking for something else.”

“We’ll start packing as soon as possible.” She leaned forward, brushed her lips over his. “As for the rest of it? I don’t want something like I had before. They were small ceremonies—just me…and…” She shrugged. “I’d like to wear a pretty dress, to have my brother walk me down the aisle…with Evie and Cameron. With Emily as my matron of honor.” Elizabeth sighed and looked down. “You’d hate every minute of it.”

And Sonny wouldn’t be his best man, so who would Jason have standing by him? Nikolas? A Quartermaine cousin he barely knew? It seemed preposterous to her to want a normal wedding when it might just remind him of everything he’d lost.

“Where’d you go?” he murmured, releasing her hand so he could tip her chin up. “Elizabeth? If that’s what you want—”

“I was thinking how your best man should be Sonny,” Elizabeth admitted. “How once he would have been so happy for us. He used to care about me, you know. He put guards on me when you weren’t here, and he kept me safe when I had to fake my death.” She closed her eyes. “He should be a part of all this.”

“I know.” He exhaled slowly. “I could…I could ask someone else. One of the guys who work with us. Cody. Or Francis. You know them—”

“But it’s not the same.” She shook her head. “Emily is part of my life, part of who I am. Jason, I love Evie, you know that, and my heart breaks that maybe we can’t…keep her. But I would rather Sonny raise her if it meant we had him back.” Her eyes burned and a tear slid down her cheek. “I didn’t even know how much I pictured him in our lives until I realized it wouldn’t happen—”

“Hey.” Jason tugged her towards him, wrapping his arms around her. “Hey. I’m sorry. I always forget you and Sonny were close once—”

“It’s not even that—I just didn’t let myself think about what you were losing.” She sniffled, tucking her head under his chin. “He’s your best friend, Jason. He’s part of your family. He was a brother to you—” Elizabeth lifted her head. “Can’t we just…kidnap him and force him to get help?”

“Don’t think I haven’t considered it.” Jason sighed. “I don’t know, Elizabeth. I thought the same thing earlier. I love Evie so much, I do. But he’s her father and he’d be a good one if he’d just…confront what’s inside him. I just don’t how to make it happen.”

“Maybe it’s time we start really thinking about it.” Elizabeth put her hands on his shoulders. “I want our wedding to be what’s right for both of us. And it would be right for you to have Sonny standing next to you.”

He was quiet for a moment before he rested his forehead against hers. “I don’t even know if that’s a possibility anymore.”

Well, if Jason couldn’t hold out hope for things to change, Elizabeth would have to believe enough for the both of them.

So little time
Try to understand that I’m
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody’s changing
And I don’t feel the same 
– Everybody’s Changing, Keane

---

Saturday, July 16, 2005

New York City, Upper West Side, Matthews Penthouse: Living Room

Courtney watched as her brother prowled her spacious living room, peering out the windows over her lovely view of Central Park.

Something was not quite right with Sonny.

And not in the way it had not been right for months, for years. Something new was wrong. Which really summed up Courtney’s entire relationship with her enigmatic older brother.

He had come into her life when she was already fully grown, a surprise to a young woman only seeking out her absentee father. And part of Courtney had been elated—she had known other girls with older brothers in Atlantic City—these brothers usually took their sister’s sides, drove them around, and kept the worst of the boys from annoying them.

Courtney had always wanted an older brother.

But Sonny had not been the older brother of her dreams, and now nearly four years later, she still wasn’t entirely sure how well she knew him.

“Thanks for letting me stay,” Sonny said, turning to her, his dark eyes flat. “I know it was short notice—I just didn’t want my name showing up on any hotel registries.”

“It’s fine.” Courtney sipped her water and then set it on the side table. “Carly called asking me why you were here.”

“What’d you tell her?”

“The truth,” she replied. “I didn’t know. But Sonny, I promise you, I would have said the same thing if I knew the reason why. If you wanted Carly to know why you were here, she would. It’s not my place to tell her.”

Sonny frowned at her, darkly silhouetted against the otherwise bright July sun beaming into through the windows. “You two are friends. Aren’t you?”

“Because it’s easier.” Courtney pursed her lips. “Being away from her, I started to remember why Carly and I didn’t get along when I first met her.” She hesitated. “And I’m finally being honest with myself as to why I decided she and I should be friends in the first place.”

“Jason.”

It wasn’t her best moment, but Courtney had long ago decided that pretending she hadn’t done the things she’d done served no purpose. “I—yeah. I was running from all the things that went wrong with AJ. And Jason felt safe. I wanted him. I didn’t know how to make that happen.”

Sonny sank into an armchair. “I knew it would be a mistake.” He scrubbed a hand over his mouth. “You and I were never really close, Courtney. Even when you were with Jason, but it never felt right to me.”

“It never felt right to either of us,” she murmured. She perched at the edge of her sofa. “Which is why it only worked for as long as it did because there was always something more important going on around us and honestly, Jason didn’t have the time to realize it.” She leaned forward. “Sonny, you can talk to me. You’re right. We’ve never been close, but that doesn’t have to be the way it is forever.”

Sonny stood again, restless. He started to pace. “What do you think of Evie? Of Jason and Evie, and that business with Sam?”

Courtney leaned back against the sofa and crossed her legs. “I think Jason sacrificed himself to protect the boys. Carly threatened to walk away again, to start that horror show all over again, and in the deepest part of Jason’s heart, he still loves Michael as his own. He couldn’t put him through that again.” She lifted a shoulder. “So he lied.”

Sonny’s shoulders slumped as he stood with his back to her. “I didn’t want you to be hurt by all of that, Courtney. I was—I was glad you packed up and left.”

“I always knew once the divorce was final, I would need to leave Port Charles. Two failed marriages in two years, Sonny. I needed to be somewhere else.” She folded her hands in her lap. “So Jason lied. I was never sure how much you knew then.”

“Jason started it on his own.” Sonny turned to her. “But I continued it. I thought it served a purpose. I couldn’t have Sam and Evie in my life. Not with Carly around. Not if I wanted my boys, too. I couldn’t have it all.” He closed his eyes. “And I told myself over and over again that it would be okay. Jason would be good to Sam and Evie—”

“I knew for months, Sonny. Maybe—maybe at first, I wondered if Jason had slept with Sam to get her away from you. But I didn’t really believe that. The timing never worked. For all the damage Jason and I did to one another—I never worried about him being unfaithful to me.” She sighed. “Well, unless Elizabeth had given him an opening. If it had been Elizabeth, I would have believed it. But not Sam.”

“They’re engaged,” Sonny murmured. “Just this last week.”

Courtney took that news in, and waited for the pang. Waited for the sadness. But she felt nothing. Just a wistful longing for the friendship she had once shared with her co-worker before Courtney had sabotaged it. And a lingering feeling that some things couldn’t be denied.

“Good.” Courtney rose to her feet. “He and I were an aberration, Sonny. A detour. All roads always led back to her, Sonny. I saw it then, and I see it now. I hope he’s happy. That’s all I want for him.”

“And I accused him of helping Sam to trick me,” Sonny murmured. “Of stealing my daughter.”

Courtney closed her eyes and rubbed her temple. “Sonny—”

“I didn’t—I didn’t know I would say it until it was out there. And—” Sonny met her eyes, now a bit wild. “It keeps happening, Courtney. Every time I see him, I have this urge to wrap my hands around his neck for stealing Evie from me. For having the family I want. God.” He pressed his lips together and swallowed. “And I feel those things even though I know they’re not true. He started the situation with Sam and Evie, but I—I kept it going. I made the choice.”

“Sonny…” Courtney approached him, her hands slightly lifted. “I know maybe you don’t want to hear this, but you need to talk to someone—”

He laughed then, a bitter, dark, and twisted sound that held no humor at all. “You’re not the first. Jason told me the only way I could be in Evie’s life is if I talked to someone. I wanted to kill him for it.”

She swallowed. “Sonny—”

“I mean, I thought, how dare he give me ultimatums—he’d be nothing without me—” But Sonny shook his head. “Then Elizabeth came to me.”

She sighed. All roads would always lead to Elizabeth. “And she said the same thing?”

“She reminded me how we met.” Sonny started to pace again, but he was calmer now. “And she talked about who I was to her once. She told me I was kind, compassionate…” He shook his head. “I don’t see it, but she does. And-and I thought maybe if—maybe if Elizabeth saw it, it wasn’t crazy to think I could find it.” He looked at her. “She was a little sister to me before I met you, Courtney. I looked out for her, kept her safe. I knew what she meant to Jason once upon a time. And I did my best by her.”

And Courtney told herself that his words didn’t mean she herself had been replaced by Elizabeth. In fact, the opposite seemed to be true. Because Courtney could probably pinpoint the time when it changed—when Sonny had an actual sister to look after.

Courtney had replaced Elizabeth briefly for Sonny and Jason, but she’d been a misshapen puzzle piece that didn’t fit.

“And now?”

“Now I attack her when I see her because I know what she means to Jason.” Sonny wiped his hands across the back of his mouth. “Because he has her unconditional love and support. Because she’s a wonderful mother who will love Evie the way I can’t. The way Sam can’t. The way Carly doesn’t understand. Because I’m jealous that Jason walked away from her all those times and there she is, again. Her heart open, her hands out. Why the hell does he deserve that and I get Carly?”

Courtney sighed. “Sonny—”

“But I can’t control myself anymore.” Sonny crossed again to the windows. “The words, the feelings, the way I look at Jason—I can’t stop it. I try not to. I try to remember how Jason has always been there for me, and I can do it. Until he’s been in the room. But now I just—” He broke off. “I’m here to talk to someone. To see if maybe—I don’t know. Maybe I’m depressed. Maybe I’m crazy.”

Courtney bit her lip. “I’m glad you’re here to talk to someone, Sonny. And I’m glad you came to me.” She took his hand in hers. “Maybe we don’t know each other as well as we thought we did, but you know what?” She waited for him to meet her eyes. “In all the world, you’re the only person who belongs to me. And I belong to you. That’s what siblings should be. A person to whom you can open up to, show all the ugly parts of yourself and know that somehow, they love you anyway.”

She gently kissed his cheek. “When we knew each other before, I didn’t see the gift I was getting. And maybe you didn’t know what to do with another sister. But I want to be part of your family, Sonny. And I want to see you through this. Because that kind and compassionate man Elizabeth thought she knew once upon a time? I can see him in there.”

She gripped her brother’s shoulder. “Don’t let him be lost forever, Sonny. You’re—you’re my only brother. And I need you.”

Sonny dipped his head and rested his forehead against her shoulder, and just for a moment…

Courtney Matthews was the strong one.

Kelly’s: Dining Room

Audrey slid into a seat across from Jax. “I’m so glad you agreed to meet with me, Mr. Jacks.”

“Please.” The blond Australian held up a hand with a brilliant grin. “Jax. I was intrigued by your call, Mrs. Hardy.”

Audrey waited as Georgie came over to take their drink orders before moving into her pitch. “You may have heard the gossip that my granddaughter is getting married—”

“To Jason Morgan.” Jax nodded, but his smile dimmed a bit. “It’s been making the rounds. Bobbie Spencer is a vociferous supporter of the match.”

And clearly Jax wasn’t, but that wasn’t Audrey’s problem. She was a woman on a mission. “Well, I am pleased my granddaughter has finally chosen someone who treats her right. I’d like to throw them an engagement party.”

Jax nodded. “That sounds nice, but I’m not sure how I can help—”

“Well, I thought Club 101 might be a good venue, and I was under the impression you owned it.” George returned with his coffee and her tea. “So I wanted—”

“I signed papers about three months ago, finalizing the sale.” Jax stirred some sugar into the black coffee. “I invested in it with Carly Corinthos during the period she was divorced from Sonny, and then bought her out when she went back to him. I didn’t want to be in business with him—”

“Completely understandable—”

“But I’ve been moving out of the night club business,” Jax continued. “It’s not really my area, you see. And Carly recently offered to buy it from me, to add to The Cellar.” He nodded towards the door. “Here Carly comes now.”

“Oh, ah…” Audrey twisted as Jax gestured for Carly, who had just entered through the doors of Kelly and approached them with an annoyed look. “I don’t—”

“Mrs. Hardy is looking to throw an engagement party at 101,” Jax told Carly. “With your friendship with Jason, this actually works better, doesn’t it?”

Carly pursed her lips and considered Audrey, who almost squirmed. She did not want to engage in business with Carly Corinthos, but Jax had placed her in a delicate position.

Audrey might not be privy to all the details concerning Jason’s relationship with Sonny and Carly, but she did not want to rock the boat by pulling out of the idea in front of Carly.

“Ah, I suppose it does,” Audrey murmured.

Carly pulled out a chair and sat. “I don’t much care for Elizabeth, but it’s something I can do for Jason.” Her dark eyes were expressionless. “I’ll have my assistant call you to set it up. She handles most of the direct business at 101 while I deal with The Cellar.”

“All right.” Audrey gave her number to Carly. “Ah, thanks, Carly.”

“No problem.”

The blonde woman stood and disappeared into the back. Jax grinned at Audrey. “That was lucky, her coming in just then, eh?”

“You have no idea.” Audrey sipped her tea and hoped she hadn’t just engineered the end of the world.

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Elizabeth emerged from the back office, her face scrunched up in annoyance. “I have to cry defeat.” She tossed the papers at Jason who was reading on the sofa. “I have no idea what these say.”

Jason set his coffee on the table and reached for the discarded sheets. “I told you.”

“And so did my brother and Nikolas.” Elizabeth sat on the sofa and listened to the squeals and laughter coming from the playroom upstairs where Nora, Cam, and Evie were playing. “At least someone is having fun.”

“You should ask Nikolas for a lawyer to represent you.” Jason sat up and started to put the papers back in order. “Your agent isn’t much help.”

“He got me into this.” Elizabeth rubbed her eyes. “Maybe this is a bad time to be thinking about going into business, but I know the Jerome Gallery. It’s not quite as prestigious as the Harris, but it’s launched so many careers. The owner has a fantastic eye for new talent and it would be…” She twisted her fingers. “I liked to the idea about an art school attached to it, about a place for low income students who can’t afford more instruction—”

“I know.” Jason set the papers on the table. “I can put you in touch with Bernie, but you might prefer someone who’s a bit more familiar with this type of business.” He looked at her. “And if you’re thinking about putting off your career because of Sonny or the wedding—”

“I have two small children at home, Jason.” Elizabeth pursed her lips. “I’m getting married. It’s all I can do carve out time to spend in the studio every day, but thank God for Nora. I take back everything I ever said about nannies. She’s fantastic. I just—”

“Don’t want another thing taking you away from Cam. And Evie.” Jason drew her to his side. “I get it. But you were excited when your agent called yesterday. We can make it work. I mean, could you move your studio to the gallery? Work out of there?”

“Maybe.” Elizabeth bit her lip. “I don’t know. I guess, I don’t know, it’s happening so fast, Jason.” She twisted her engagement ring. “I don’t need money now, which is all I really wanted from my art—to have the opportunity to do something I love that would let me support my son. But with you and the money from the first show, that’s not a problem. Now I might partner in a gallery, be involved in a charitable foundation for art education—”

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” He kissed her forehead. “But if you want it, we’ll find a way.” His cell phone chirped then and he frowned at the incoming call.

He lifted his arm away from her and hit the talk button. “Sonny?”

“Jason, I—I’m in New York. Until Tuesday.”

“New York?” Jason stood. “Is—is it about Courtney?”

“No, no.” Sonny’s voice faded a bit. “It’s…I’ll be back Tuesday.”

The line went silent. Jason lifted the phone from his ear and just stared at it.

“Jason?” Elizabeth sat up, her legs tucked underneath her. “What’s—what’s going on? Is Sonny okay?”

“He’s in New York. Until Tuesday.” He slipped the phone back into his pocket. “I haven’t seen him since Tuesday, since I told him about the engagement. Haven’t talked to him either. But now he’s in New York.” He exhaled slowly. “I don’t—I don’t know what’s going on.”

She bit her lip. “Jason. I—I went to talk to him.”

Jason looked at her, at her uncertain eyes. “To Sonny?” he asked, even though clearly that’s who she meant. “Why?”

“Because you—because of what we talked about.” Elizabeth twisted her fingers together. “Because I wanted to see if Sonny could get better. If he could—I don’t think I made it worse, Jason. He seemed okay when I was there. Not quite his old self, but he was somewhere in there.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Jason sat next to her. “Elizabeth—”

“Because I—” She bit her lip. “If I had told you before I went, you would have asked me not to. And after—I just didn’t know if it had done any good. But I told him he should talk to someone. Anyone. That it had helped me. Emily and I—we’ve been trying to figure out what might be wrong with Sonny.”

And now his sister was involved. “Elizabeth—”

“Emily asked a friend at the hospital about some of Sonny’s symptoms, about the way he flips without warning. About the mood swings, and the things he says. The things the two of us have personally seen, and Lainey said it might be bipolar disorder.”

Jason frowned. “Okay, so?”

“Well, I asked Lainey the best way to talk to someone who might be suffering from it,” Elizabeth said. “Because we thought maybe Sonny would see what we had—the argument you’d had with him already—as a challenge. And it was the wrong way to do that, we know that now. Because it might have made Sonny dig in his heels, and-and increase the paranoia that sometimes accompanies it.”

“So what should we have done?” Jason asked, his ire fading. “Is there a better way?”

“I told him about my therapy,” Elizabeth replied. “About the way I felt when I went to California. How much I felt like a failure—how looking back at what happened with Ric, with Zander, and Lucky made me feel worthless and stupid—”

“Elizabeth—” Jason closed his eyes, realizing she had ripped herself open for Sonny. “You didn’t have—”

“How I couldn’t understand the things I had done, the way I had acted—” Elizabeth continued. “Because Sonny needed to know that he wasn’t alone. He needed to feel like I was with him, you know? Like I could really understand what it felt like to be in that kind of darkness. I told him how much I loved him, how I remembered the night at the garage when he caught me and gave me something to hold onto—”

She stopped, dipped her head. “Are you mad at me?”

“Mad?” Jason repeated. “Are you kidding me? Elizabeth. The way Sonny has treated you—the way he’s acted towards you—and then you tore open a vein in front of him just so he could—so maybe he’d get some help?” Her generosity stunned him.

“I wasn’t lying to him when I told him I understood the way he felt.” Elizabeth leaned towards him. “I told you once, when Ric was shot—that it should be been you. I said that to you, Jason. And I pulled a gun on you—”

“Hey—” Because her voice was thick now, and tears were spilling from her eyes, Jason roughly pulled her to him, across his lap so he could hold her. Make it stop. “Don’t. That’s not important now—”

“The horrible things I did and said to you, Jason…you gave me another chance. You let me back in even though I hadn’t done anything to deserve that—of course I could forgive Sonny. It’s not him saying those things. I mean, yeah, it is, but it comes from this dark place inside him and he can’t—can’t control it…” Her eyes were closed. “But I could. A-And I did them anyway—”

“Stop it.” Jason brushed her hair away from her face, both hands framing the line of her jaw. “Stop it. I love you. None of that matters to me.”

“But—”

“Elizabeth.” He exhaled slowly and tucked her into his embrace. “Maybe you should talk to this friend of Emily’s. You-you said your therapist in California helped. Maybe—maybe you stopped seeing her too soon.”

The fingers of her left hand were clutching at the dark blue fabric of his t-shirt, the diamond catching flashes of the sunlight. “Jason—”

“Because I forgave you for those things a long time ago. Maybe even as soon as they happened. Because you forgave me for the bomb in your studio, for being kidnapped—”

“That’s different.” She sniffled. “You didn’t do those things—”

“No, but I answered my phone every time Sonny and Carly called. And I lied to you to protect Sonny’s peace of mind.” He rested his chin in her dark hair. “And instead of working things out with you, instead of proving to you what you meant to me, I took the easy way out. I started seeing someone who didn’t ask much of me. I walked away from you, Elizabeth, and straight to Courtney. And you’re not holding that against me.”

“I walked away from you first,” she murmured. “And I slept with Zander.”

“We could spend the rest of our lives cataloging all the things we’ve done to each other,” Jason told her. “All the times we almost took the next step and didn’t. All the ways we’ve hurt each other. But none of that matters to me now.” He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers. “You took another chance on me, Elizabeth. And I took one on you. Does the rest of it matter compared to what we have now?”

She was quiet for a long moment. “No. No. But—” She raised her head from his shoulder and gently ran her fingers through his hair, her nails lightly scraping his skin. “But maybe you’re right. I should talk to someone. I didn’t…I still have a lot of guilt bottled up inside. And I want to come to terms with it. I have to forgive myself. You were right that night at Jake’s. It’s not enough to know why I did them or not to do them again.”

Elizabeth took a deep breath. “I have to forgive myself.” She was silent again. “Do you think Sonny went to New York to talk to someone?”

“Maybe.” He brushed his lips against hers. “But thank you. For trying to help him. Maybe it worked.”

And maybe it would—if Elizabeth was right about the best way to approach Sonny. If he had seen just a small piece of the guilt she struggled with all the time, the misery she still fought through—maybe Sonny had felt a sense of kinship with her.

And maybe they could pull this back from the fire after all.

Part Three: Mercy

“If I can’t feel, if I can’t move, if I can’t think, and I can’t care, then what conceivable point is there in living?”
― Kay Redfield Jamison, An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness

---

 

Chapter Twenty

There’s a darkness living deep in my soul
I still got a purpose to serve
So let your light shine, deep into my home
God, don’t let me lose my nerve
Don’t let me lose my nerve
– Put Your Lights On, Santana featuring Everlast

---

Thursday, August 4, 2005

Warehouse: Sonny’s Office

Everything was going to pieces around him. Two bookies had been arrested, a third had disappeared outright, their warehouse had been raided by the PCPD, and there was a labor strike among the waterfront workers.

It should have been a disaster—he should be ready to burn the place down.

Sonny had complete control over it all.

He looked to Francis Corelli. “You look like shit, man. You slept?”

Francis scrubbed a hand over his face, his skin shadowed with stubble, his eyes rimmed with red. “No. I came here straight from the airport. Alcazar is still in Venezuela. I talked to Ramon down there, he said there’s been no peep of him outside his usual territory.”

Sonny scowled and pointed at Johnny O’Brien. “What about the Ruizes?”

“Nothing. Which doesn’t mean anything,” Johnny said. He shifted on his feet. “They usually play things pretty close to the chest until it’s too late. I’m working on getting a mole inside the organization, but Hector is old school and usually doesn’t trust anyone who isn’t family.”

Sonny looked at Tommy Esposito who didn’t look remotely cheerful. “And nothing from the Zaccharas.”

“No, sir.” Tommy’s scowl matched his three co-lieutenants. “I got a guy inside. He’s one of Trevor’s lackeys, but he says there hasn’t been any notion of Anthony moving on anything up here.”

From his position at Sonny’s side, Jason spoke for the first time. “What about his son? He still out of the game?”

“Yeah.” Tommy’s eyes flicked at Sonny, but Sonny said nothing. Sonny’s earlier suspicions of the Zacchara were well-known, but that was then. “As far as Trevor and Anthony are concerned, Johnny’s a dilettante. Does nothing all day but hang around a girlfriend he thinks Anthony doesn’t know about or go to art shows and music clubs. Mostly, people think he’s useless.”

Sonny sat in his chair and sighed. “So we’re no closer to the bastard who’s gas lighting us.” He did have the urge to swipe all his papers from the desk, but he didn’t feel it the way he might have just a month earlier.

He was just…frustrated. Someone was coming at him and they were investigating all the usual suspects in the usual ways, and they were getting nowhere. “Who haven’t we thought of?” Sonny asked Jason. “You call in Stan? He still got Faith Roscoe on his radar?”

“She’s sunning herself in Ibiza,” Jason said. “We have a guy at the airport. As soon as she makes moves to leave, we’ll know, but we made our position real clear when we forced her and Alcazar out of town last year. Either of them steps foot in our territory, we’re not going to ask questions first.”

“She’ll come back eventually,” Sonny murmured. “But this doesn’t feel like Faith.” He looked back at the three men standing in front of him. “Until one of these assholes does something to warrant my lieutenants on them 24/7, I’m pulling you. Pick the best guy from each of your crews. Keep them on Alcazar, Hector, and Anthony.” He looked at Jason. “Send someone to keep a closer eye on Faith. I don’t want any surprises. Maybe they’re not behind what’s going on, but I don’t want any of them reading weakness. Keep working on getting guys into higher levels. Moles are always good.”

He rose to his feet again. “I need you three at home for now. Tommy, the bookies are running scared after Frankie and Ollie were arrested. Get them under control. Get collections moving again. Johnny, I want you on security with Jason.” He looked at Jason again. “I know you’re solid on that, Jase, but an extra pair of eyes never hurts. We got too much at stake to put anyone at risk. Make sure the Towers are safe, Carly’s clubs, Michael’s school, ah…” Sonny hesitated and squinted. “Elizabeth’s got her old studio opened up right? At the docks?”

“I bought the building last month,” Jason told him. “We’re upgrading the security now. I also have the hospital secure and Elizabeth’s grandmother.”

“Kelly’s,” Francis said. They looked at him. “You’re not directly linked to it, but Carly’s connection is well-known. And your father still manages it. And you know, Elizabeth used to work there.”

“Yeah.” Sonny nodded. “And make sure Bobbie and Lucas have good security at the Brownstone.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m missing something.”

“The warehouse is already pretty secure,” Jason said. “I can’t think of anything else, Sonny.”

Sonny nodded. “Francis, then, I want you to get together with Jordan. Meet with the head of the waterfront union. I’m supposed to control these damn workers, make them remember that. I own half the water front. They don’t want to work for me, they can go somewhere else. Get this strike over with. It puts too many eyes on our activities. I got Vega in my ear about suspending his shipments into Canada, and it goes without saying I don’t want to hear Zacchara bitching at me about not moving his product.”

“Sonny…” Johnny traded a look with Francis. “Have you thought about the other possibility for what’s going on?”

Sonny slid a hand over his face. “You mean that it’s not an external threat?” He exhaled slowly. “Yeah. Yeah. I know it might be an inside job. It has the hallmarks.”

He watched as Jason tensed slightly at his side and knew his partner expected some sort of explosion. But Sonny felt calm. Pissed as fucking hell, but calm. He could do this. He’d dealt with traitors before.

“Yeah. I got Stan and Bernie coming in after you guys. We’re going to start in depth background checks, identify some possibilities.” Sonny hesitated. “I know things have been…rocky this last year. I let my personal life get a bit out of control, but that’s over now.”

He knew his lieutenants weren’t completely convinced but Sonny knew as long as Jason was loyal to him, these men would be too. And while that did claw at him a bit, he knew it wasn’t undeserved.

“You guys got your assignments. You can report to Jason unless I need to see you again.”

Once the three men had filed out, Jason took a seat in front of Sonny’s desk. “I didn’t know you had considered a possible traitor,” he said, his tone carefully flat.

“Didn’t want to voice it for sure until I heard from the guys.” Sonny twisted off the cap from a bottle of water and sipped. “I fucking hate traitors, but I guess with the bullshit of the last few years, I shouldn’t be surprised.” He met Jason’s eyes. “I know you’re waiting for me to lose it over this.”

“I…” Jason shook his head. “No, you’ve been better, Sonny. I hope it’s okay that I say—” He shifted. “I know we don’t have a good track record of talking about this.”

“No, we don’t, but that’s about me, not you.” Sonny laid his hands flat on the desk. “I’m on medication. It’s early days yet, I won’t know if it’s the right answer for another month or so, but for now, it keeps me balanced.” He met Jason’s eyes. “Thank you, for standing by me. I’m not—I’m not saying we’re right yet. That I’m good. But I’m closer today than I was yesterday, and I have every hope that tomorrow will be better.”

“So you did go to New York to see a doctor,” Jason said, some of tension bleeding from his shoulders. “I—I wondered.”

Sonny nodded. “I met with a doctor. He comes up once a week for a therapy session.” He hesitated. “Did—did Elizabeth mention she had come to see me?”

Jason nodded. “Yeah. She—she wanted to help.”

“That’s usually how she gets herself in trouble,” Sonny murmured, but he smiled. “She’s like you, Jason. Too generous with herself. Gives and gives until there’s not much left to her. She told me a bit about California. I got the idea maybe she’s not all the way past the crap my brother put her through, so I hope she’s okay.”

“She is.” Jason leaned forward, hesitated a moment. “She still has a lot of guilt inside. About that summer and the panic room. She’s…been talking to a friend at the hospital about it.”

“Good.” Sonny sipped his water again. “Good. I like her. I always did. I hope she’ll let me take her for a spin on the dance floor at your party next week.”

Jason winced. “Yeah. I’m sure she will.”

Sonny laughed, and God, didn’t it feel damn good to be doing this? To be talking to Jason like they were friends again and not undeclared enemies? Fuck what a wasteland this last year had been. He could do this. He could pull himself back from the edge.

“It’ll be a good time,” he told his friend. “You’ll wear a suit, pose for some pictures. She’ll look gorgeous as always, and you’ll make her happy.”

Max knocked on Sonny’s slightly ajar door and pushed it open. “Yo, boss, Bernie and Stan are here.”

The light hearted banter of the past few moments were forgotten as Jason and Sonny got down to business.

Kelly’s: Courtyard

Carly sipped her iced tea and tried not let her eyes cross as Bobbie talked about the work Lucas was doing at PCU in his pre-med program. Carly thought she should get credit for even remembering what the little pissant was studying. He always looked at her as if she was still the home wrecker that broke his parents apart.

She was, but she didn’t like it when people who didn’t know better judged her. Fucking Lucas. He’d been adopted, but Bobbie had fought for him. Wanted to keep him. Not like the bastard daughter she’d tracked down just for shits and giggles long after she’d thrown Carly away.

Carly swallowed those thoughts, because that wasn’t her life anymore. She and Bobbie were even now, after all. Bobbie’s perfect life had been smashed to smithereens, and that’s all Carly had ever wanted.

It was enough. Carly had other things on her mind—more important than reminding Bobbie what a shitty mother she had been.

“…and I’m so glad you and Jason are doing better…”

Jason’s name in the middle of Bobbie’s babble caught Carly’s attention so she tuned back into her mother. “What? Why do you say that?”

Bobbie set her water on the table with a frown. “Well, you’re hosting his engagement party next week, Carly. Why else would Jason allow that if things weren’t better?”

Because that old harridan had been cornered into it. Carly smirked. She had seen the annoyance in Audrey Hardy’s eyes when Jax called Carly to the table. She had seen the way Audrey’s eyes darted back and forth, but there had been no graceful way to bow out, not without possibly complicating matters between Jason and Sonny.

“That’s got nothing to do with me and Jason,” Carly said. She pushed her fork around her in her salad. “It’s about Jason and Sonny. Preserving the peace at any cost.”

“I will admit, things seem to be better in that quarter,” Bobbie said. “I was doing the books last week, and they came in and had coffee at the counter. Sonny seems to be doing so much better, Carly. It’s wonderful to see the light back in his eyes.”

Fucker was probably having an affair again. She didn’t care what Courtney said—Sonny had been different after that trip to New York. He’d found someone who didn’t remind him of the daughter he’d given away. He disappeared for hours every week. She knew there was something going on, and oh, wouldn’t Sonny be sorry when she got to the bottom of it?

If Port Charles thought Carly had been a vindictive slut when it came to her mother, oh the world had better put on their fucking seatbelts if she discovered Sonny cheating on her again. She would burn it to the ground. Total war. Scorched earth. Nowhere Sonny could hide. She would rip his balls out—

“Carly? Isn’t it better at home?”

Carly blinked and looked at her mother, realizing for the first time Bobbie had expected a response. “Oh. Yeah. Things are fan-fucking-tastic. The perfect marriage, Bobbie.”

Bobbie frowned. “Carly—”

“Is Lucas dating anyone?” Carly asked, because she was tired of talking about Sonny.

Kelly’s: Dining Room

Elizabeth winced as she saw Carly and Bobbie were still in the courtyard eating lunch. She was going to have to wait them out—she was doing such a great job of avoiding Carly these days.

“I hope that’s not for me,” Nikolas said, arching a brow as he pulled out a sheaf of papers from his briefcase. “I like to think I’m not that much work.”

Elizabeth laughed. “No, no, of course not.” She gestured toward the door. “Carly and Bobbie were in the courtyard when I got here, so I came in through the back—Mike loves me, after all. But they’re still out there.”

“Ah.” Nikolas nodded. “Still keeping the peace by not talking to her. I suppose that means Audrey is dealing with the details for the party?”

“Well, it was her idea to have it at Carly’s club.” Elizabeth shook her head. “Carly’s assistant is doing most of the stuff. Gram says she only signed the contract with Carly.”

“Hmm…” Nikolas handed her the papers. “I had Andrew go over this. He made a few notations and offered to handle the negotiations if you’re inclined to go forward.”

Elizabeth wrinkled her nose as she took in the post-it note attached to the proposed partnership agreement. “What does he think?”

“Well, I knew the name Jerome sounded vaguely familiar,” Nikolas told her. “So I asked Emily, who thought Luke might know. I had Lucky run interference. Luke asked Bobbie because he couldn’t remember where he heard the name—”

“Is this going somewhere?”

“And Bobbie remembered Victor and Julian Jerome. Some crime family from New York that set up shop for a few years in Port Charles about fifteen, sixteen years ago.” Nikolas sighed. “Always comes back to that. Anyway, she didn’t remember any Ava Jerome attached to that. There was a sister, but she had a different last name. Lucas’s natural father is Julian Jerome—”

“Oh, yeah, I remember now.” Elizabeth frowned. “Hmm. Jason didn’t say anything but I guess if they were that long ago, it was before Sonny’s time. I guess I’ll get him to run a background check on Ava before we go any further.”

“It’s probably a coincidence,” Nikolas said. “But better safe than sorry. Anyway, as for the contract itself, Andrew said it was a bit unfair. Considering your reputation in the art world—”

“The fact that I have one still astounds me,” Elizabeth murmured.

“And the fact that your work was shown at the Harris Gallery, which is more prestigious and has a longer history in New York—the Jerome gallery is a bit more niche. It tends to launch careers but that’s pretty much it.” Nikolas sipped his coffee. “So he thinks the fifty-fifty profit offering isn’t very fair. You’ll be doing most of the work here in Port Charles. Once the galley is open, that agreement provides you’ll head up the gallery and the foundation, which means you’ll be doing the lion’s share of the work.”

Elizabeth scowled. “I told Luther I didn’t want something so time consuming. I have two small children and a career of my own, not to mention I’m getting married.”

“It wouldn’t be that difficult, Liz.” Nikolas leaned forward. “I could put you in touch with some good managers. They’d steer you through a lot of the grunt work. You’d show up, be the gorgeous face at the benefits, but you could leave them most of the work. Still, Andrew says you should counter with an eighty-twenty split and refuse to go lower than seventy-thirty. You don’t need Ava Jerome. You have your own reputation.”

“Yeah.” Elizabeth chewed her lip. “But I want someone to share the risk. I made a lot from my first show, and Luther has looked at the work I’ll be exhibiting in December—he expects it to be even bigger. But still, I don’t want to tie up my capital in this.” She glanced at him. “And it goes without saying that while Jason would invest if I needed him, he doesn’t want to.”

“He wants it to be separate in case…” Nikolas waved his hand in the air. “Something happens. I suppose he wants to keep your art money separate as well.”

“Yeah. I mean, I’ll have access to his accounts, but you know, it’s just easier this way. I have my own money manager, too. Literally the only thing Jason and I are sharing are the kids.” She smiled. “It’s fine. It’s nice to have enough money to worry about it.”

“Any idea if you’ll be adopting Evie?” Nikolas asked.

“No.” Elizabeth tucked the partnership agreement in her bag. “No, but I don’t think either of us will. Sonny’s been doing so much better lately. And while Carly is a concern, Jason seems to think we’ll be able to work something out with custody at some point. We did, however, start the process for Cameron.”

Nikolas hesitated, and she sighed. “Go ahead, Nikolas. I know you want to say it.”

“You know that I’ve tried very hard to be supportive this time,” he told her. “And I haven’t even been lying. I can see you’re happier with Jason, and since my family has tried to kill you on more than one occasion, it’s not like I have a lot of room to talk. So when I say this next part, I want you remember how good I’ve been.”

“You’ve been the very definition of a best friend,” Elizabeth told him with mock somberness. “So carry on.”

“You and I both know the next danger is not going to come from what Jason does for a living,” Nikolas said. “It’s going to come from Sonny and Carly. Now, I know Sonny is doing better. He and I were part of the meeting with the union leaders last week since this godforsaken strike is screwing up both our businesses. There was a calmness about him I have not seen in years. So whatever he’s doing, I’m glad.”

“But?” she prompted.

“But if Sonny’s being treated with medication, as Emily thinks, she worries that he might stop taking it. Or that it’s something that working for now, but it might not work full-time. She’s been studying bipolar disorder like crazy and she says it’s a difficult illness to treat. If Sonny’s doctor caught him in the middle of a low cycle, he might prescribe anti-depressants, thinking it was depression.”

Elizabeth hesitated. “Jason—he said Sonny hasn’t said much about the medication he’s on. Barely acknowledges it. I don’t know what he’s taking. But—” She bit her lip. “An anti-depressant would help him in the low points, but if he starts to cycle up—”

“Yeah, exactly. Emily gave me this list…” He pulled it out from his pocket. “Some symptoms to look for if he starts to cycle. She’s been so busy at the hospital—”

Elizabeth took it. “An anti-depressant would probably aggravate the situation during a manic episode, wouldn’t it?” she said softly. “Heighten it.”

“I’ve never seen Sonny during a truly manic episode, but I can’t imagine it’s pretty. Jason would know better.”

She pursed her lips as she scanned symptoms. “Jason…” She closed her eyes, feeling guilty about talking about this behind Jason’s back, but this was her life she was protecting. “He said that Sonny’s been trying to control it for months. That he hasn’t crashed.”

“If he crashes on anti-depressants, it could make it worse.” Nikolas leaned back in his chair. “I don’t know much about this, Liz. And maybe I don’t care for Sonny much, but I’ve seen what mental illness does to people. God knows my family is delusional. I just…maybe we’re overreacting. We don’t even know if it’s bipolar disorder.”

“No, I guess we don’t.” Elizabeth sighed and put the list away. “But I can’t think what else it might be.” She looked at him. “Thank you for being such an amazing friend, Nikolas. I don’t know where I’d be without you.”

“The feeling is more than mutual.”

Morgan Penthouse: Bedroom

Jason pulled back the bed sheet and frowned slightly at her. “Jerome? No, there’s no one on the radar with that name.”

Elizabeth unclasped her necklace and set it inside her jewelry case. “Nikolas thought it was probably a coincidence, but he wanted me to be aware.”

He sat on the edge of the bed and watched as she removed her watch and earrings before opening a dresser drawer for one of his t-shirts to sleep it. “I’ll have Bernie run a check on her. It’s probably nothing, but Nikolas is right. Better to be safe than sorry.”

She smiled at him as she drew the cotton over her head, the hem hanging halfway to her knees. She crawled over the bed until she was on her knees in front of him. “I’m going to hire a lawyer Nikolas recommended to go over the contract anyway.”

“But you think you’re going to go through with it.”

“Yeah, but I’m definitely going to be bugging Nikolas for all kinds of advice.” She bit her lip. “I know we talked about you not investing in it, and you know, I get it, but if Nikolas offers, you won’t be mad?”

“No.” Jason twisted until he was seated fully on the bed and rested his hands at her hips. “I don’t want the gallery combined with my money in anyway. If the IRS ever came after us, if any assets were ever seized, I don’t want you to be left without any resources. You should get your own investors, your own lawyers, and business managers.”

“That’s what I figured, but I thought I should be sure.” She brushed her lips against his before sliding under the sheets and adjusting the monitor for Evie and Cam’s room. Nora had one as well and normally reached the nursery before Elizabeth or Jason, but Elizabeth still kept it on her side of the bed.

“But I would feel better if you’d let Bernie run background checks on any investors or people you hire to work there,” Jason said. “Just to be safe.”

“I figured. And you’ll be in charge of the security, too.” She turned on her side. “After everything my grandmother is putting you through with this party, it’s the least I can do, right?”

Jason smirked as he switched off his lamp, plunging the room in shadows. He drew her to her side. “Sonny asked if you’d save him a dance.”

“Yeah?” She peered up at him. “So things really are better?”

“They are.” Jason hesitated. “Sonny is seeing a doctor. Once a week. And he’s on medication. He says they won’t know for a few more weeks if it’s the right dosage, but he’s…it’s as close to his old self as I’ve ever seen him. He’s been calm, in control. Even joked with me today.” He stroked her back, his fingers dancing down her spine. “He told me you came to see him.”

“Yeah?”

“And he said he hoped you were doing okay. It was like…”

“Like it used to be?” she murmured.

“Yeah,” he admitted. “I don’t know if it’s going to last, but whatever you said to him—it got through. Maybe it’ll still be rough while he gets his treatment adjusted, but maybe it’ll be all right.”

“I’m so glad.” She leaned up to kiss him more fully. “I told you we’d get through this.”

“Yeah, you did.” And he rolled her to her back, kissing her neck as she giggled.

He was not a good man, but whatever he’d done to deserve her walking back into his life last December—he would spent the rest of his life making sure she never regretted it.