And how can I stand here with you,
And not be moved by you?
Would you tell me
How could it be
Any better than this?
– Everything, Lifehouse

Tuesday, June 24, 2003

Harborview Towers: Penthouse Level

Hands in the pockets of his slacks, Sonny ambled around the corner of elevator to step in front of Jason’s penthouse. In front of him Cody stood like a sentinel, his hands at his side, looking straight ahead.

“Hey, Cody. Jason home?” Sonny asked. “I need to talk to him.” He was surprised when the normally stone-faced man opened his mouth, and then closed it. And…were the tips of his ears…turning red? “Cody?”

“Ah, Boss…” Cody hesitated. “Well, he and Miss Webber are home, but I, um…wouldn’t knock if I were you.” He coughed into his fist. “Sir.”

Sonny furrowed his brow. “Jason said no interruptions?”

“Ah…not exactly.” And now the guard’s cheeks were turning red. “They…were…arguing earlier…and…” The man actually looked up at the ceiling, as if to look to a higher power for answers. “Well, they stopped.”

“Okay…” Sonny drawled. “Then…I can…” He paused when Cody just shook his head. “C’mon, man…just say it.”

“Well…they stopped…arguing the way that you, and ah…the way you and Mrs. C do…sometimes,” Cody finished, refusing to meet Sonny’s eyes.

And then Sonny grinned. Because he knew exactly how he and Carly ended some of their arguments. “We should soundproof these doors, is that what you’re telling me?”

“It…wouldn’t hurt,” Cody admitted. “So…I don’t know…what you’d be…” He tugged on his year and looked like a man who desperately wished he were anywhere else. “I don’t know what you’d be interrupting. So to speak. Sir.”

“Fair point.” Sonny dipped his chin to his chest. “And whatever I have to say can hold for a bit. Don’t want them to…have setbacks in their…” He twirled his finger in the air. “Whatever.”

“Yes, sir. That is…yes.” Cody’s shoulders slumped. “And if you could never tell Jason or Miss Webber we had this conversation, it would be most appreciated.”

“Your secret is safe with me,” Sonny called over his shoulder as he headed back to his penthouse.

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

There was something to be said for silence. They hadn’t really spoken since she threatened to leave, and he’d kissed her. Jason had lifted her onto the edge of the pool table, and without removing much of their clothing, they’d had the kind of sex she’d only read about. Hard, fast…and god damn fantastic.

And then, he looked at her, with those beautiful eyes filled with mixture of tenderness and fear, as if she’d reject him now, and she’d kissed him again. He picked her up and then they’d moved to the sofa, and this time…Elizabeth was sure she’d remember this as the first time they’d made love. Slow, delicious, and almost lazy. Reverent. The kind of lovemaking that spread warmth and tingles down one’s spine and lingered in the fingers, the legs, and even the toes until long after it was over.

And now, lying here, her caftan blanket hastily thrown over them, they still lay in silence. She was draped over his chest, his fingers trailing up and down her back.

She just wanted to close her eyes and lay here forever.

But she knew that wasn’t realistic and she’d promised herself only that morning that she couldn’t live in a fantasy anymore.

Tracing a pattern on Jason’s chest, she finally spoke. “This…it doesn’t…fix anything.”

His fingers stilled, and then slid up to smooth her hair away her face. “I…I know.”

“But I also…” Elizabeth hesitated, wondering why she always had to be the brave one when it came to words. “I don’t regret it.”

“Me either.” Some of the tension she hadn’t even felt relaxed from his body. “I don’t…I don’t want you to leave.” She felt his chin dip, brush her hair as his lips found the top of her head. “I just…don’t know how to make you stay.”

Well, at least that was something. “Just…knowing you want me here…” She slid her hand up his chest until she was cradling his cheek, then raised her head to kiss him briefly. “That makes me want to stay. I didn’t…I felt like…not really an obligation, but maybe a burden…”

His hand cupped the back of her head, their eyes met. “The last thing I feel when I look at you is burdened or obligated. I just…want you safe. I want you happy.”

“And being right here…” Elizabeth closed her eyes and leaned until their foreheads touch. “I feel both. You always wanted to push me away, when I always knew…that being with you was the safest thing. For my heart,” she added when he saw his mouth tighten. “If we trust each other, Jason….that can be true for both us of us.” She curved her lips into a half-smile. “Do you…think we can try that…again?”

Remembering the question, his eyes were soft as he answered. “Yeah…we can try.” He covered her mouth with his own, deepening it as she pressed herself closer.

A familiar buzzing sound from behind the couch had Elizabeth drawing back, and sitting up. Jason sighed and followed suit. “Elizabeth…” He didn’t get up to find his jeans or answer the phone, and she knew why. She’d accused him of answering that phone and abandoning her for whoever was on the other line last summer.

“It could be Sonny,” Elizabeth said. “I never cared that you answered your phone, Jason. Everyone does that.”

Still looking uncertain, Jason stood and rounded the sofa to drag on his briefs before reaching for his jeans and the phone in the back pocket. She peered at him over the back of the sofa, thinking it was almost adorable he didn’t want to be completely nude while speaking on the phone.

“Hey…Yeah?” She his eyes close and his face tense. “It can’t…no, okay. Yeah. Give me a few minutes. I’ll be over.” Jason sighed, closing his phone and setting it on the edge of the table. “I…have to go over to Sonny’s. I’m…” He just shook his head.

“Jason.” He didn’t answer right away, just pulled his jeans on and zipped up. “Jason, I’m not…angry you have to go to Sonny’s.” He looked at her, and she could see he wasn’t buying that. “I heard you ask him if it could wait. And if can’t, it can’t. That’s life. Just as long…” She bit her lip and tilted her head. “If you have to go out and you don’t know when you’ll be back, or even if you do, if you could…just let me know you’re going.”

“Yeah…” Jason exhaled slowly. He dragged his shirt over his head, and then sat on the sofa to put his socks and boots back on. “Yeah, I can do that.” He looked at her, and Elizabeth saw the regret in his eyes, so she held her breath until he spoke. “This isn’t…the way I would have planned for us to be together, Elizabeth…” Using one hand, he slid his hand through her hair and she closed her eyes, leaning into his touch. “But I’m not sorry,” he finished, his voice almost gravelly.

She grinned and opened her eyes. “Good. Then hurry up so you can come back.” She kissed him again, and then watched him open the door and close it before Cody could see her curled up on the sofa, wearing nothing but a blanket.

Elizabeth leaned her head, and had the insane urge to laugh. She had never seen this coming.

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

Sonny looked when Jason entered, regret in his eyes. “Sorry man, I know you and Elizabeth were in the middle of…something, but…”

Jason hesitated and just blinked at his friend. Was he wearing a sign or something that broadcasted what he’d just been doing for the last hour? He cleared his throat. “It’s fine. What’s up?”

“Benny just called from the warehouse.” Sonny poured a tumbler of whiskey. “They opened the shipment from last night and…” He shook his head. “It was empty.”

Jason tensed, the last vestiges of his good mood evaporated. “Empty—it was fine last night. I checked it myself.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know that. It means we got someone in our own organization screwing with us.” Jason watched as Sonny tried to calmly sip the whiskey, but his hands were trembling…just a little. “We got a traitor.”

The last thing they needed. Jason exhaled slowly. “Do we know who was in and out of the warehouse between its arrival and finding it empty this afternoon?”

Sonny nodded and set the glass down. “Not yet. Benny and Stan are working on it. They think it’ll take a day or so to put it together. Jason, you know better than me, we don’t time for this shit.” He took a deep breath. “The Families might think our resources are stretched thin looking for Ric and Faith. One of them might think it’s a good time to screw with us.”

“Can’t overlook that.” Jason hesitated. “We…are investing a lot of our manpower in the search.” With great difficulty, he continued, “Do you think we should pull back?”

“I…” Sonny looked at the ceiling. “I want to say no. Because the quicker Ric Lansing gets out of our lives, the better off we’ll all be, but the point of involving the Families was to avoid this kind of nonsense. So that we wouldn’t have to put all our energy into Ric. The burden would be shared.”

“Sonny, we can’t protect Elizabeth if we’re fighting a war on another front without resources,” Jason pointed out. “At the end of the day, if Ric is going to come for Elizabeth and the baby, he’ll have to come near Port Charles to do that. We haven’t found any evidence that he’s in the area, not since the kidnapping attempt.”

“Yeah…” Sonny huffed. “And I can’t even say who’d be after us, because it could be any of those bastards. I want to go after Zacchara because of the connection between his lawyer and our scumbag, but how do I know Tagliatti didn’t set it up to make it look that way? I don’t…think it’s Ruiz or Vega because of the distance involved. They’re more likely to team up with Tagliatti or Zacchara rather than come for us directly.” He pressed his hand to his chest. “Jase, I got no easy answers here. I want Elizabeth to be safe, I want her pregnancy to go smoothly, but—”

“I know.” Jason rested his hands at his waist and looked at the floor. There was only one choice. They couldn’t divide their focus between searching for Ric and fighting a territorial dispute. “You have to pull back some of the men looking for Ric and Faith. We have Elizabeth as protected as she can be, and maybe…” He hesitated. “Maybe if Ric thinks he can get back here without tripping us up, he’ll get cocky. He’ll think he can get to her. And he’ll make a mistake then.” But everything in him fought against using Elizabeth as a lure, using her child as bait. He’d promised to protect her, and had made even deeper promises to her not more than twenty minutes ago.

“I get the problem.” Sonny rubbed his chin. “I just…I don’t know what else to do. If this escalates into an outright war, everyone is in danger. With Carly and Elizabeth pregnant at the same time, I just can’t…I can’t risk it. Their immediate safety has to come first. We have to work with what we know. And we know that someone is coming for us, whether it’s one of the Families or someone else. We don’t know why Faith Roscoe sent the soldiers after Elizabeth. We can assume it was on Ric’s behalf, but you know…maybe Ric is obsessing about the situation, and Faith wanted to eliminate her like she threatened to on those docks. Maybe Faith is the threat, and Ric’s planning another move on us.”

“If this is Ric coming for us from another angle, then we’d find him either way.” Jason nodded. “It’s possible. Let’s…let’s cut the men outside Port Charles looking for Ric in half. Just to start. If we have more problems, we can reduce it further. I don’t…want to give up the search just yet.”

“Jason, I wouldn’t ask you do to this if we had any other choice,” Sonny told him even as he headed for the phone to make the call to Johnny.

“I know that. But you’re right. We can’t ignore an actual threat because we’re not sure Ric hasn’t given up. Elizabeth’s safety is my top priority,” Jason said. “Regardless of the source of the threat.” He took a deep breath. “I should go to the warehouse, help Benny and Stan. The quicker we find out what’s going on, the better off we’ll all be.”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Several hours after Jason had regretfully told her he had to go to the warehouse, Marco knocked and pushed open the door. “Miss Crowell is here, Elizabeth.”

From her vantage point at by the pool table, Elizabeth waved Nadine and her bags from Eli’s in. “Thanks, Marco. Hey, Nadine.”

“Hey!” Nadine smiled brightly and followed Elizabeth into the kitchen where a folding table was set up. “No dining table?”

“We usually eat takeout on the sofa,” Elizabeth replied. “Thanks for understanding I couldn’t go out tonight. Jason….he’s just asked that I stay in at night for a while.” She reached into a cabinet and drew out paper plates.

“Not a problem. Besides, we can talk more in private.” Nadine arched an eyebrow. “For example, Miss Webber, that is mighty fine hickey on your collarbone.”

Elizabeth flushed and pressed a hand to the area. “I…I didn’t notice or I would have changed.” She set down some bottles of water and took a seat. “Um…so I guess you know how I spent the day.”

“Do I!” Nadine dug into her ribs and gestured for her to continue. “He’s gorgeous, by the way. You see his picture in the paper sometimes, but I don’t think I’d ever met him in person.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “I can understand why you threw over the Harvard lawyer.”

Elizabeth laughed and opened her own Styrofoam container. “Well, hands off. I’ve had enough of blondes going after my boyfriends.” When her friend widened her eyes, Elizabeth shrugged. “My ex-boyfriend Lucky liked my blonde sister first, and then long after we had broken up, he ended up dating her for a while. And then Jason’s best friend is blonde. She was always calling and nagging him to leave me. And of course, you know about Courtney. And then Ric…” she hesitated. “Well, I would say one of the reasons we didn’t work out is he was sleeping with a blonde on the side.”

“Ugh. Skanks.” Nadine twisted off the cap of her water. “So I guess Kelly was right. Finding out the gender does it every time.”

“No…” Elizabeth leaned back in her chair. “No, it wasn’t that. We still…we still have to work out a lot of things, the baby being one of them.” She hesitated. “There’s…the situation is really more complicated than I can explain, Nadine. It’s not because I don’t trust you—”

“It’s because we’ve known each other five seconds,” Nadine said. “I get it, Elizabeth. And sometimes I see you pause, searching for a lie. I’d rather you just gloss over the details you can’t share. Don’t feel bad.”

“Well…” Elizabeth licked some of the barbecue sauce off her finger. “Let’s just say…Jason stepping up to be involved with the baby was not something I expected, mostly because of how we broke up and that he was dating his best friend’s sister. We’ve talked a lot about why we stopped seeing one another, but we haven’t…we’re not really talking about the future beyond…the immediate.”

“Still doing the one day at a time shtick guys cling to?” Nadine grimaced. “I get it. Johnny always said maybe someday we’d move in together, but any time you tried to put a date on that someday, he’d get this look and…” She shook her head. “I don’t know, maybe for them it’s just too scary to think about something that far in the future, about making a commitment. Me? It’s scarier not to make it. Because today could be amazing, and so could tomorrow. But I want…some assurance, I guess, that next week, next month, next year…that it’s going to be just as amazing.”

“Yeah…” Elizabeth exhaled slowly. “Yeah, I know. And if you can’t talk about anything beyond tomorrow, then how do you know they see it as a possibility? What if they don’t see a place for you next month?” She bit her lip. “Well, I tried to bring it up today. I asked him about the future, about how we were going to handle it, and it turned into an argument about our past. I think…Jason has this idea…that I won’t stay forever.”

She looked at Nadine. “And I can’t… I can’t blame him for not trusting me. With the exception of the first time we were friends, before he left town a few years ago, I’ve always walked away from him. Last fall, I walked out and then refused to talk to him. I was just so angry and hurt…but he didn’t come after me. So he’s accusing me of never staying, and I told him that…”

She hesitated. “I told him that I felt like he pushed me out the door last time, and that he was doing it again. Every time he looked uncomfortable talking about the baby or we talked about the future. So I told him that he’s never given me a reason to stay, so the next time I walk away, I won’t come back.”

“And…this turned into a day of sex?” Nadine frowned. Her eyes widened. “Oh, oh. I get it. You told him that and then he kissed you to stop you from leaving!”

“Yeah…” And Elizabeth dipped her head down, unable to stop herself from smiling. “The first time…it was on the pool table.”

“Well, hello…” Nadine craned her head to look out the door way. “That’s reason enough to keep it around.” She turned back. “So…?”

“And after we…on the sofa…he told me he didn’t want me to go, he just didn’t know to make me stay.”

“That is…” Nadine shook her head. “I am so freaking jealous. First, this gorgeous man sexes you up on a pool table like a scene right out of a hot romance novel, and then he lays a line like that on you, except I’ve seen him—he does not look like the type to drop a line, so he means it.” She scowled. “I hate you so much right now.”

“I guess…I’m just nervous,” Elizabeth admitted. “Because I don’t…there’s so much still up in the air. We’re still not talking about the baby. There’s still a ton of tension with his family because of the baby, particularly his sister who used to be my best friend, and his job…” She shrugged. “It’s not like it ever leaves us in peace. Before we could really…resolve anything….he had to go down to the warehouse.”

“Well…my aunt Rayleen used to say that when you’re too scared to do something, you should go out on a limb, because that’s where the fruit is,” Nadine said. “You’re already better off then you were when we met, right?”

“We are,” Elizabeth said, with a smile. “So nothing worth having is easy to get, huh?”

“That’s what I’m told.” Nadine picked up a rib and gestured to her with it. “Don’t get in your own way, Liz. It’s usually the best way to make yourself miserable.”

“Hm…” Elizabeth leaned forward. “Nadine, have you thought about calling Johnny?”

“Pfft…” Nadine shook her head. “Absolutely not. Would you believe he sent those CDs anyway? How’d he get my address, I’d like to know? And now I’m mad because I forgot I left some of them with him, and turns out I really missed one or two of them and I’m glad he didn’t throw them out. Which just makes me angrier, because he’s a turd.” After she swallowed a bite, she continued. “Our situation is completely different, Liz.”

“What makes it so different? We both walked away from men who were hurting us.”

“True.” Nadine sighed, wistfully, and propped her chin on her fist. “But my guy didn’t have crazy sex with me on a pool table to keep me from leaving.”

“Well, there is that.”

Morgan Penthouse: Jason’s Bedroom

It was nearly midnight when Jason finally climbed the stairs to the second floor. It had been a long day, beginning with the morning appointment at the hospital and then the fight with Elizabeth…and then everything else that came afterward. He hated fighting with her, hated making her cry, but if it meant they could…get back to where they’d been last year before everything fell apart, maybe it was worth it.

But before they could really fix anything, his damn phone had rung, nearly screwing it up. But she hadn’t looked angry, and he didn’t think Elizabeth would lie about that when they were trying so hard to be painfully honest.

The evening at the warehouse had been a bust, and he would have rather been here, watching Elizabeth sketch or just sitting in the living room, watching ridiculous television. Except maybe they would have gone back to the conversation they’d been having before they’d been sidetracked…and Jason did not want to talk about her pregnancy or the daughter she was going to have. The daughter he knew would never really be his, no matter how much he wanted her to be. Elizabeth said she wanted to stay, but what did that really mean?

He stopped in front of the guest room where Elizabeth had slept since moving in, the same one she had slept in last fall. He raised his hand as if to knock, but then let it fall to his side. Maybe tomorrow…

Jason pushed open his door, and stopped short. In his bed, her dark hair spread across the white pillow, and in the shirt he’d given her the first night…Elizabeth lay curled up, under a thin sheet.

Slowly, not wanting to wake her, he stripped down to his briefs and hesitantly slid the sheet back to slide underneath, but she was a lighter sleeper than he remembered, because her eyes slid open, shadowed in the darkness of the room. “Hey.”

“Hey,” he replied softly.

“Hope you don’t mind I’m here,” Elizabeth said, her voice hesitant and quiet. “I just…”

He reached out and drew her closer, until she was tucked into his side. “I was hoping you would be.”

Lord knows I’ll fail you time and again
But you and me are alright, yeah
We won’t say our goodbyes
You know it’s better that way
We won’t break, we won’t die
It’s just a moment of change
-All We Are, OneRepublic

Saturday, July 26, 2003

Morgan Penthouse: Bedroom

Elizabeth knew it was early when she felt him shift at her side. It was always early when Jason slipped from the bed they had shared for the past month. He would move slowly to avoid waking her, press a kiss to her forehead, and then disappear into a guest room so he could dress.

She usually let him think that, because she didn’t want to see him looking guilty for having to disappear for most of the day. He was trying so hard this time, in so many ways. They spent nearly every night together and he tried to be at the penthouse for at least one meal, usually a quick dinner of takeout.

“Don’t go…” she murmured, only half aware. She tightened her arms at his shoulder, and felt him hesitate. “Just…a little longer.”

“I’m sorry,” Jason sighed. He looked down at her, and she could see that he really was sorry, that if he’d had the choice he’d spend the day with her, preferably in bed. “I just…” He closed his eyes and rested his forehead on her shoulder. “Elizabeth…”

“No, I’m sorry.” She slid her hand through his short dark blonde hair, trailing her fingers down his neck. “I know you have things to do. I just…” Don’t know how long this moment is going to last.

Because as wonderful as things were…Elizabeth knew these last few weeks had been a calm before the storm. That they wouldn’t see eye to eye forever.

“I’ll talk to Sonny,” Jason said. “Maybe…I can work something out.” He pressed a kiss to her bare shoulder. “Things are just…” He trailed off, but she knew what was going on even if he didn’t give her specifics. Shipments had gone missing from inside the warehouse, others weren’t on ships when they arrived in the harbor. The warehouse had been raided by the PCPD once.

“I’ll see you later.” Elizabeth leaned up and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Be careful.”

“I will.” He kissed her once more before sliding out of the bed.

She closed her eyes as the door quietly opened and then shut. Jason had clearly listened when she told him her reasons for leaving last fall. He’d never come home, he’d never called, he’d never spoken to her. He was changing all of that, and there were moments Elizabeth believed that this time….they were going to get it right.

But then she would remember that it was more than just the two of them in this situation. Her hand slid under the sheet and covered her belly, with its new roundness. They were still avoiding the future, still not talking about what this baby meant.

How much longer could she deny that while Jason cared for her, he was apparently finding it difficult to care for a child that was half Ric Lansing?

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

“I am going to start investing in board games,” Carly grumbled as she looked at her card. “Hit me.”

Elizabeth smirked and slapped another card on the coffee table. “I hear ya. I actually started watching soap operas this month. Do you know how much I want to hit myself?”

“Frick.” Carly squinted at her sixteen. “Hit me.” When Elizabeth slapped down a ten, she scowled. “Screw this. Put on Guiding Light. At least I can wallow in someone else’s misery for a while.”

Elizabeth laughed and started to slide the pack of cards back in the box. She knew that things were…uncertain. Not outright dangerous, but they didn’t seem to know where the threat was coming from, so for the time being, Sonny wanted all pregnant women cooped up. Michael, the lucky bastard, Carly had muttered, still got to go to his swimming lessons and summer camps, since kids were usually collateral damage rather than outright targets. No one wants the cops looking at them for murdering a kid, Carly had declared.

So when Carly had tired of her own four walls or hanging out upstairs when Sonny kicked her upstairs, she’d started coming across the hall. Elizabeth figured they’d never be close, but she was relieved they’d called a truce since she became pregnant and moved in.

“We could always put on one of those court shows,” Elizabeth offered. “The ones where girlfriends sue their exes because they tried to buy their love.”

Carly eyed her. “We need to get you out of the house, Muffin. Too much daytime television for you.” She leaned back and stared at her rapidly expanding belly, now deep into her sixth month and about to hit her final trimester. “Jason doesn’t think double guards are enough to let you out once in a while?”

Elizabeth pursed her lips. “I get to go to the hospital to meet my grandmother or Nadine for lunch mostly, because Jason likes the security Alan set up after that kid was kidnapped a few years ago. Plus, the hospital really took it on the chin when it turned out the Cassadines had built an elaborate laboratory right under their noses in the sub-basements, so it’s basically under lock and key.”

“Oh, you poor bastard.” Carly rolled her eyes. “Ugh. I love Sonny, so this is mostly worth it, but man…how am I supposed to sneak snacks if Sonny never lets me go out without him and the guards?”

Elizabeth arched an eyebrow. “How do you feel about some pistachio ice cream?”

Carly reached across to her, and clutched Elizabeth’s shoulder. “Don’t toy with my emotions, Muffin. I need sugar, and I need it now.”

There were moments Elizabeth actually enjoyed Carly’s company. The woman had a sharp sarcastic wit and a healthy dislike of idiots. If it hadn’t been for Jason all those years ago, maybe they wouldn’t spent four years loathing the sight of one another. She smirked. “Jason doesn’t care what I eat.”

“Oh, I take it back.” Carly slid off the couch and tugged Elizabeth with her. “You’re a lucky bitch. I had some delicious mint chocolate chip and that bastard switched it out for almond ice cream.” She wrinkled her nose as the two moved towards the kitchen. “It’s an insult to good and proper ice cream.”

“I even have chocolate syrup and whipped cream,” Elizabeth said as she crossed to the freezer. “Grab some bowls. I could use some, too.”

“Hmm…I’m suddenly seeing the benefits of having another pregnant woman within walking distance.” Carly took down the bowls and grabbed some spoons. “How come you get away with eating what you want?”

Elizabeth frowned. “Do you think Jason really cares? It’s all I can do to make sure he eats, he’s not really that worried about me. He assumes I want my baby to be healthy, so…” she shrugged.

“Yeah, that’s usually the argument Sonny gives me, and since I usually have my methods of getting what I want, it’s been all right.”

When Carly hesitated, Elizabeth looked at her. “What? You were going to say something.” She handed a bowl to Carly and then sat down at the folding table. It would be easier to hide the evidence in case Jason and Sonny came by if they stayed in the kitchen.

“It’s not my business,” Carly began, “which doesn’t generally stop me. That being said, I…guess I was wondering if maybe the reason you don’t have my issues with Sonny and food is because…you and Jason don’t…discuss things that directly…affect the baby.” She grimaced. “And again, it’s none of my business—”

Elizabeth let her spoon sit in her bowl for a long moment as Carly dug in to her impromptu sundae. “You would be…correct,” she admitted. “We don’t consciously avoid the topic, but it’s not one we bring up willingly either.” She cleared her throat. “Still, I don’t see Jason being a nutrition Nazi anyway.”

“This is true.” Carly licked her spoon. “Listen, as much as this is going to pain me, and I promised Sonny I’d stay out of it, it’s hard because I love Jason. He’s family. So…I know…” She jerked a shoulder. “I know you guys are…you know…” She wiggled her fingers. “Doing stuff.”

Even as Elizabeth felt her cheeks burn, she raised her eyebrows. “Doing stuff?” she repeated.

“Don’t make me repeat it,” the blonde said. “It’s clear that some things have changed, since you moved in, and particularly since you found out you were having a girl. You both are more relaxed and there’s just…” Her grimace deepened. “Christ, how is this my life? Look, when a guy hasn’t been getting laid regularly, he gets all tense. And then there’s a looseness to his stride when he is, so I figure it’s due to you. Can we stop making me explaining why I know you two are…doing dirty stuff and move on to the next part?”

“Carly, why are we discussing my sex life in the first place?” Elizabeth asked, torn between amusement and irritation. “I don’t ask you about Sonny—”

“Hey…I am trying to do something helpful.” Carly jabbed her spoon in her direction. “Do you think I want to discuss this? God…” She wiggled her shoulders and huffed. “Anyway, now that we’ve established this, I guess I just…wanted to know why you and Jason avoid talking about the baby.”

For a long moment, Elizabeth stared into her slowly melting ice cream, and thought about how to answer Jason’s best friend. If she were honest, there was a possibility it could make it back to Jason, and she wasn’t sure she was ready to have this conversation with him. Though she was trying hard to prepare for the future, there was a large part of her that wanted to live in this moment.

“The only reason I’m going to answer this is because I know you love Jason,” Elizabeth began, “and I know how uncharacteristically supportive you’ve been since this started. I know you never truly believed Jason was my child’s father, and even when it hurt Courtney, you still stood by Jason’s decision and even helped spread gossip to stop rumors. So, keeping that in mind, I do not discuss my daughter with Jason because…there are just some things I know we can’t talk about. Not if I want…” She hesitated. “Not if I want to keep things the way they are. Aren’t there things you don’t talk about Sonny with because they disturb the status quo?”

Carly licked some whipped cream off her thumb. “Absolutely. Brenda, Brenda, Brenda, and Brenda. In that order. So I get what you’re saying.” She paused. “But Brenda lives in Europe now. And your baby will be here in December. How long do you think you and Jason are going to avoid talking about this? You’re going to have to figure out how to make it work.”

“Are we?” Elizabeth asked softly, more to herself. “Carly, I just…I want this time with Jason. For all the times I walked away from him, the times he walked away from me, the time we’ve lost. I just want…these moments with him, for as long as I can.”

Carly opened her mouth as if to add something else, but closed it. “All right. I promised Sonny I wouldn’t help and Jason’s always telling me to butt out. Usually because I just make it worse. So listen, you and I are going to have learn to stick together. At least for now, okay? Security is going to be tight until Jason and Sonny deal with things, so we’re all we’ve got. So, I won’t bug you too much about Jason, you’ll be my junk food dealer.” She paused again. “But before I start with the butting out, here’s what I’m going to say.”

Elizabeth regarded her warily. “What?”

“Before you close the book on you and Jason, make sure you two have a frank discussion about this kid, and what it means. Do not just assume you know what’s going on in his head. People rarely do,” Carly said. “Because if you assume you know what he’s thinking, he’s doing the same thing, and you know the two of you are probably not thinking the same thing. I’m not saying you should talk about it today, or even next week. But…” She chewed her bottom lip. “Do not walk away from Jason before you talk to him. You’ll end up regretting it.”

“I usually do,” Elizabeth admitted.

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

Jason set a folder down on the desk next to the door and looked at his friend, the exhaustion of the last month etched into every line of his face. From the moment the empty shipment had shown up, it had been all they could do to stay one step ahead of whoever was screwing with them. Someone in their organization had turned, and so far Benny and Stan had no idea who. There were too many suspects, too many people that had been trusted.

“I think it’s Ric,” Sonny sighed, pressing the heels of his hands to his forehead. “I really do. Benny’s been looking into the other Families and there’s nothing from them. They’re suspicious because we’re not looking for Ric the way we were, so they’re not looking for him as hard as I hoped they would. This is…” He scowled. “We are fucked, Jason. And I can’t see an end to it.”

“It gets worse,” Jason said, hating to add more burdens to Sonny’s shoulders, because as much as Jason felt the weight of the organization on his shoulders, he knew it was ten times worse for Sonny. “We sent Tommy down to Puerto Rico because we needed Johnny here in the warehouse, running the investigation, but the problems are more than he can deal with.”

He saw his friend eye the mini bar, whether to drink it or flip it, Jason wasn’t sure. He felt the weariness down to his bones, the way he hadn’t in years. Not even last summer, when Alcazar had been looming over them. He’d thrown himself into work then, at first to stop thinking about taking Elizabeth up on her offers to meet in secret, and then later, to forget about her after she’d walked out of his life.

But there was something about this threat, this summer that felt more dangerous than Luis Alcazar ever had. And maybe because they all had so much more to lose now. Carly hadn’t been pregnant the year before, and Elizabeth was in his life in a way she never had been before. He couldn’t let anything happen to her, to Carly, to Michael. But there were moments he felt like he hanging on by a thread.

Sonny sighed, the sound weary and resigned. “Tell me. Don’t sugar coat it.”

“There was a fire in a casino,” Jason began, “which is why Tommy went down there, to oversee restoration. But he discovered money problems. It’s been disappearing for months, but the managers didn’t seem to notice. He thinks it’s from laziness more than anything else, because he can’t find the money in their accounts. I’d put Stan on it, but he’s dealing with so much up here, and Benny is barely keeping his head above water trying to find the traitor as well doing his regular work.”

Jason knew what the solution to this latest problem would entail, what something like this always had before. They needed people in Port Charles to deal with the problems here, so Johnny couldn’t go. Which meant it had to be Jason. There no was telling how long it would take to wrap this up, so he could be away for weeks.

Weeks away from Elizabeth, who was safest here in a secure penthouse and not traveling to an island during hurricane season during a pregnancy.

“Well, we need someone else to work the computers,” Sonny said finally. “I fucking hate computers and technology. Maybe they make some things easier, but they just give people more ways to screw with me. I’ll put Stan on it.” He hesitated. “I’ll go to Puerto Rico, Jase.”

Jason frowned. “Sonny, you need to be here—”

Sonny held up a hand. “Listen. I know it would normally be you, and under normal circumstances, I’d say you should pack Elizabeth up and head off. Sun and relaxation would be good for her, but not the way things are right now. If this is a distraction, who’s to say it’s not to get you away from Elizabeth? Hope that I won’t pay as much attention to her as I do my own family. Or a trick to get her down there, where our security isn’t as tight. I’d say send her to the island while you’re in Puerto Rico, but there’s not fair to her either. She needs to be with the doctors with her blood pressure.” His friend shook his head. “And honestly, I owe you this.”

“You don’t…” Jason shook his head. “You don’t owe me anything. This is my job. I know Elizabeth understands—”

“I’m not blind, man.” Sonny crossed to the bar and poured himself a glass of water. “I know the two of you are trying to work things out—”

“It’s not that…” Jason cleared his throat. “We are, Sonny, and I’m not saying I wouldn’t rather stay here with her. I would, but she knows I have responsibilities—”

“You’ve got enough problems to deal with without you disappearing for two weeks or more,” Sonny cut in. “Plus, I need you focused, and no matter how good you are what you do, Jase, you’re going to be thinking about her. Worrying. Because if you can’t see her, how do you know she’s safe? What if something happens while you’re gone and you’re stuck having to waste time getting back?” He shook his head. “I can’t ask you to go to Puerto Rico. We’re partners. I may be in charge out there—” Sonny gestured out the windows towards the city. “But we do this together, Jase.”

“I—”

“This is my fault,” Sonny said. “All of it. You’ll never say it, she’ll never say it. But it’s my fault.” He sipped his water and looked away. “I was selfish last year. I didn’t get it. I didn’t see it. Instead of helping you do everything you could to find Elizabeth when she was in that crypt, I questioned your actions, made you feel like you had to justify yourself. You want to tell Elizabeth about faking my death, I can’t figure out why, because clearly, I’m an idiot. She walks out, upset. She’s vulnerable to my insane half-brother because of it, and here we are. Because I’m a selfish bastard.”

“Sonny…” Jason closed his eyes. He couldn’t disagree with Sonny’s word choice. He was a selfish bastard, but still… “It is selfish to think that you were the only problem Elizabeth and I were having. We were…we weren’t talking to each other. Weren’t saying the words that would have changed things. I could argued with you more, she could have listened more, let me explain. Yeah, you didn’t help, but you know…” He shook his head. “None of this matters now. We’ve got bigger problems. Elizabeth and I can’t make anything work if we don’t get rid of whoever is doing this.”

“Yeah…” Sonny exhaled slowly. “I get it. So I’m going to Puerto Rico. I would take Carly with me, but she’s almost in her third trimester and I don’t want her to end up being stuck down there, unable to fly until the baby is born. I know you’ll keep her safe.”

Because a part of Jason was relieved that he didn’t have to leave town and leave Elizabeth while things were so unresolved between them, he finally nodded. “All right. I can see you’re not going to change your mind. I’ll take care of Carly and Michael.”

“Good.” Sonny set his water glass down. “So, I’ll call Stan and tell him we need another computer person. I’ll break him in while we’re in Puerto Rico. We’ll send Tommy back up to help Johnny with security at the warehouse.” He rubbed his eyes. “I know it makes sense to delegate some things, Jason, and I’m glad we started doing it more, but man, it makes life complicated when one of them betrays you. These men you trusted to carry out the business, to protect your child, the woman you love, and for the most part, you can never be sure they’re not thinking of the best way to stab you in the back.”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Jason nodded to Cody before opening the door to his penthouse to find Elizabeth curled up on the sofa, talking on the phone. The last month had been exhausting, but in other ways, Jason wouldn’t have traded it for anything. He would get home for dinner or lunch and find Elizabeth somewhere in his home, waiting for him, painting, reading and he wondered if it could have been this way last year. If he had just tried harder, shipped Zander to a safe house so he could be alone with her. If he had been clearer with his words, more obvious in his actions, would she have given him the benefit of the doubt and stayed?

“I would have told you earlier, Lucky,” she was saying as he set down a pile of ledgers and folders and grabbed the newspaper to join her on the sofa. “But you were so excited about going to see your mother, and you know…things were so up in the air. I didn’t even know what I’d say.” She grimaced at whatever her ex-fiancé was telling her, but she didn’t look upset, so Jason let it go. She’d let her hair dry into soft curls, and had put on some sort of strapless stretchy dress that clung to her. Her legs were tucked underneath her, but he wondered what color she’d painted her toenails today. She was bored enough, he’d noticed, to change the color every day.

“I don’t want you to choose sides, Lucky. You or Nikolas. Things with Emily…they’ll be fine eventually.” Elizabeth sighed and picked at the seam of the sofa back. “The reason things are what they are with Emily is because she got in the middle, so it won’t help matters—and I don’t care what you heard from Amy Vining when she visited your mother last month. I am absolutely fine, and I don’t think you flying back here to beat up Jason would be a good idea.”

Jason frowned and looked at her, but she just rolled her eyes. “Well, I do know you’d lose, you always did before and it’s not like Nikolas would fare much better. I’ve also seen them fight, which just tells me I’m friends with a bunch of meddling nitwits.” She mimed shooting herself in the head, but he could tell she was almost enjoying the conversation because it seemed like Lucky was giving her a hard time on her own behalf.

“And stop arguing with Nikolas about godfather rights. I can hear him in the background. You’re both out. What do you mean why? Seriously, Lucky. You think either one of you idiots are going to be the godfather to my child? Please. I talked to Sonny last week and we agreed it’s—oh, you are not even funny. No, that doesn’t mean Carly will be godmother. Honestly, how I ever thought I would marry you and not strangle you in a week is beyond me at this point.”

He shook his head and looked back at the newspaper. It was good to hear the smile in her voice, the brightness in her eyes. He had never forgotten that look in her eyes, that day when he’d found on her on the docks. He’d thought then that she’d really loved Ric, and that had been why she was so devastated, but she must have known by that point she was pregnant. She’d looked almost fragile, and he was relieved that the inner strength he’d always admired in her had reasserted itself over the last few months.

“Tell you what, Lucky, you concentrate on getting your mother well so she can come home and we’ll talk about whether you can be godfather to my imaginary second child.” She huffed. “I’m hanging up now because even though I think you’re happy for me, I can’t tell since you’re making fun of me now. Bye.” She clicked off button on the cordless and set it on the coffee table. “Ugh. Was he that annoying when I dated him and I was just blind?”

“I always thought Lucky was annoying,” Jason said absently, but then frowned because that wasn’t really true. He’d liked Lucky once, had hired him. Until that night in the garage. But that Lucky Spencer had died that night, and the boy who came home was as different from him as Jason was from Jason Quartermaine.

“Yeah, that’s true.” Elizabeth sighed, but then seemed to brighten. “Hey. You’re home. It’s not dark out or anything. And it’s hours before dinner…” She bit her bottom lip. “Is…everything okay?”

Jason gave up on the newspaper—he’d barely been concentrating anyway. He folded it, and set it on the coffee table. “Yeah. Sonny has to go to Puerto Rico for a couple of weeks.” He rubbed his temple. “I know I haven’t been around a lot—”

“No…” Elizabeth shook her head immediately. “No, I’m sorry about this morning.” His eyes widened as she moved towards him on the sofa, swinging one leg over his lap until her knees were resting on either side of him, as she straddled his middle. “Jason, I am so sorry. I was just…”

“It’s lonely,” Jason said, running his hands down the soft skin of her arms. “I know. I know Carly’s over here, that your friend Nadine stops by, and your grandmother is getting more comfortable dropping in, but all in all…you’d rather be out there.” He tipped his head to the side, indicating the windows. “You miss your job.”

“I do.” She brought her hands to his chest, her fingers spread over his blue t-shirt. “I guess…we just really started…” She looked at the ceiling and sighed. “We just started working on things, and I guess…I get nervous when…we don’t see each other. We’ve always been good in the moment.”

He exhaled slowly, because he knew exactly what she was talking about. “But not after the moment is over,” he said softly. “Elizabeth…I know…” His chest felt tight, because he didn’t want to have this conversation, but he knew they were going to have to at some point. “I know there’s still a lot to talk about.” Primarily the baby rounding her belly that grew a little more every day. “I just…”

“Have been enjoying the moment,” Elizabeth supplied when he didn’t go on. “I know. After all those months of not speaking, of not…thinking about each other, I didn’t want to complicate things.” She smiled wistfully. “I still don’t.”

Understanding that she, too, wanted to table certain conversations for another date, he nodded. “So, Sonny’s going to Puerto Rico for a few weeks,” he repeated. “And he and I…have done as much as we can do for today. And since he’ll be gone for a while, I’ll be home a bit more, because it’s just…necessary that I deal with certain things from the penthouse. Like Sonny would.” He hesitated. “Or I could do it at Sonny’s, and Carly could keep coming here—”

“No,” Elizabeth smiled and shook her head. “It’s my turn to go upstairs or nag Carly.” She tilted her head to the side and her lips curved into a smile he was quickly recognizing. “So…you don’t have any immediate plans? For this afternoon or tonight?”

His hand slid from her arms down to her thighs, and then up to her hips. “Well…maybe just one plan,” he murmured

She laughed and dipped her head down to kiss him. As he deepened the kiss, he wrapped his arms more tightly around her back, and twisted her to lower her on to the sofa.

He was going to hold on to every moment with her this time, for however long it lasted.

Honesty is a hard attribute to find
When we all want to seem like
We’ve got it all figured out
Well let me be the first to say that I don’t have a clue
I don’t have all the answers
Ain’t gonna to pretend like I do
– Trying, Lifehouse

Friday, August 5, 2003

Kelly’s: Courtyard

This is what happened when you did the right thing, when you were supportive of your friends and a generally mature human being. You ended up sharing lunch with a woman you mostly didn’t like, bonding over pregnancy and trying to avoid the evil eye of said friend’s ex-girlfriend, who was well on her way to being your ex-friend, too.

“We could have gone to the Grille,” Elizabeth said after Courtney slammed the door behind her again. Her most recent sonogram picture sat on the table, so she reached out and covered it with her hand.

“No, my mother owns this place, damn it.” Carly scowled at the doorway. She’d only liked Courtney for about five minutes anyway, so the fight Courtney had picked with her the week before because Carly wasn’t shunning Jason’s whore (as Courtney had so delicately termed it) barely fazed her. Carly didn’t change for anyone. She was who she was, and anyone who didn’t like it could suck it.

“Besides,” Carly continued, brushing at Elizabeth’s hands. “I want to see the sonogram picture, and then you can see mine next week. This is how this works, Muffin.”

“Whatever.” Elizabeth removed her hand and Carly reached for the photo of Baby Girl Whatever, as she now called her in her head. She was sure that this kid would start out as a Morgan, but was no longer all that sanguine it would remain that way. She’d never met people who got in their own damn way as often as Jason Morgan and Elizabeth Webber. Bastards. If they couldn’t get it together on their own, she was going to have to meddle.

And if Carly meddled, odds would be that one of them would be arrested. Someone was always arrested when she tried to help.

“Blood pressure is good?” Carly asked, looking at the photo and wishing that she knew what the hell had crawled up Jason’s ass. It was one thing to be apprehensive about getting attached to the baby when things between the two were up in the air but they’d been sexing it up for weeks, she was sure of it. This baby was as good as Jason’s, if he could just be bothered to reach out and take her.

Men. Morons. Couldn’t do anything the easy way. They liked to think they were uncomplicated, that women were neurotic and insane, but fuckers. Women were neurotic and crazy because men were moronic, complicated pieces of—

“Kelly was really happy,” Elizabeth answered. “It’s normal, like it was last month. Baby’s in great shape, I’m at my target weight—” She frowned and glanced down at the baby bump that was quite a bit larger now, but still nowhere near as gargantuan as Carly felt on most days. “But, yeah, things are great.”

“Great.” Carly handed the photo back. “Like I said, I have mine next week.” She pursed her lips. “And if Sonny isn’t back yet, I guess…” She huffed. “And maybe my mother won’t be available, with her work schedule and Lucas, so if you wanted to come, that would be all right.”

“I’ll have to let you know,” Elizabeth answered, and Carly huffed again, because how did this become her life? She didn’t even dislike the Muffin anymore, which she had always figured might happen if she ever gave her chance, which is why she had never intended to do so. The last thing Carly needed was more people she liked. When she liked people, she tried to help them.

No good ever came from her help.

“I can’t wait until he’s born.” Carly patted her tummy, and her son kicked in response. “Morgan Stone Corinthos. I told Jason that last week, and he just did that scowling thing.” She snorted. “As if he’s not worthy of it. Whatever. He’s a dork. Sonny and I agreed on the boy’s name ages ago, so it’s good we didn’t have to worry about a girl’s name.”

“It’s a good name,” Elizabeth said with a smile. “It honors two men I know Sonny considered like brothers to him, and it keeps Stone’s memory alive.” A mischievous smile spread across her face. “You know Robin would love that.”

“Listen, Muffin, I don’t want to hear that kind of talk.” Carly grabbed her water and sipped it. “Honestly. So…names…” She eyed the brunette. “Thoughts?”

Elizabeth cast her eyes away, and Carly narrowed her eyes. “Oh, what? You can’t talk about the baby with Jason, fine whatever, but that means you can’t think about it?”

“I think about it,” the other woman said, her eyes still not meeting Carly. “All the time. I just…I don’t talk about it.” After considering her nails for a bit, she raised her eyes and Carly sighed, because the guarded shield was still up. “I’ve been thinking about names, but…it’s hard because I want the last name to go well with it, and you know…” She shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t really know…how long the last name is going to be…”

“God save me.” Carly cast her eyes to the sky. “Fine. Let’s put that aside. Any specific thoughts?”

“I do like a few names.” Elizabeth tucked her hair behind her ear. “I like Olivia Charlotte. My maternal grandmother was Charlotte, and I always thought it was pretty.”

“Olivia Charlotte Morgan.” Carly nodded. “There’s potential.” She nibbled on a fry. “Livvy Morgan. Liv. I don’t hate it.”

“But you’re not in love with it,” Elizabeth said. “That’s how I felt. So I thought…maybe Isla, because it’s pretty, but I’m not sure about a middle name…” She twisted her fingers. “There is a name I like, but…”

“Nope. Let’s hear it.”

“Cadence Audrey. I’d call…I’d call her Cady for short. It’s a little different, but—”

“That’s the name.” Carly liked it best anyway, but she saw the look on Elizabeth’s face, which proved it. “I like it. Cady is cute, but it’s not too cute, like Lulu, and Audrey is the perfect middle name. Everything works.”

Elizabeth rolled her eyes, but she smiled. “Well, if you approve, then I guess it’s fine.”

“Cadence Audrey Morgan.” Carly nodded. “Good.” She leaned down and picked out one of the shopping bags from her large collection from Wyndhams. “Now you get your reward for making a decision.”

Elizabeth frowned at her. “Carly, did you buy me something?”

“No!” Carly scowled. “I don’t even like you.” She sniffed. “I bought Cady something. Here.” She wiggled the bag at her. “Take it.”

“Okay.” Elizabeth reached for the lime green bag and pulled out first, a miniature white sundress trimmed in red, orange and yellow, and then a delicate pink onesie that proclaimed I Love My Aunt. She arched her eyebrows at it. “Carly.”

“Listen, Muffin,” Carly said, feeling the heat in her cheeks and wishing she hadn’t given into the mad impulse. “Whether you and I like it or not, our kids are going to be cousins.” She hesitated. “Because of how close Jason is to us.”

“Right.” Elizabeth began to slide the clothes back in the bag, but they were startled when Courtney crossed the courtyard and slapped their check on the table. Frick. Carly hadn’t even noticed the blonde was out there. Her eyes were on the clothes, particularly the Aunt onesie.

“It’s not enough that you stole my boyfriend,” Courtney snarled at Elizabeth. “But you’re stealing my best friend, too?” She tossed a devastated look at Carly who raised an eyebrow. God, she hated people. “I can’t believe you, Carly. I knew you were going to take Jason’s side! You weren’t any happier than I was that this whore—”

“Courtney, I don’t think this is the place.” Carly glanced at the entrance to the courtyard where Rocco and Cody were standing. Cody had his hand in his suit jacket, as if fishing out his cell phone. She sent him the evil eye which had that hand sliding right back out. Damn right. The day Carly couldn’t handle a dimwit was the day she hung up her heels. “In fact, I know it’s not the place. I have every right come here and have lunch with Jason’s…” She eyed Elizabeth who looked at her with her own arched eyebrow. “With Elizabeth. We’re both having babies in a unique world, and Jason’s family to me. Why you think I’d pick your side after five minutes when Jason deserves my loyalty so much more…” She shook her head.

Courtney narrowed her eyes. “You were supposed to be my friend, you told me to go after Jason—” At that, Carly saw Elizabeth narrow her eyes at her, and she winced. That was going to be a thing later.

“Well, clearly, I didn’t know the whole situation. If I thought Jason would just use you and go back to Elizabeth, I wouldn’t have encouraged it.” Carly coughed. God, this sucked. “Anyway, it doesn’t even matter. You and Jason were together for all six seconds.” She waved her hand at the brunette. “This bitch has been annoying me for years when it comes to Jason. History wins, Courtney. Every day, all day.”

“This bitch?” Elizabeth smirked. “Didn’t know you cared so much.”

“Don’t start,” Carly retorted, fighting a grin. “Courtney—”

“Oh, this is just great. I’m already humiliated every time she comes in here with that bastard showing—”

“Courtney,” Elizabeth said flatly. “I have had absolutely enough of this. I am sorry that you got hurt. It was never my intention, but in my defense…” A martial gleam lit in her eyes. “He was mine first. You were supposed to be my friend, too. The way you feel about Carly right now, having the nerve to talk to me? That is exactly how I felt when I found out you were seeing him. You knew I wasn’t over him. You knew how hurt I was, and you used everything I told you in confidence to go after him.”

Courtney clenched her fists. “You think you’re the victim in all this? I got dumped in front of a crowd of people—”

“Point of order.” Carly stuck her finger in the air. “You were informed Elizabeth was knocked up in front of a crowd of people. You broke up with Jason in a room with only me as a witness.” Oh…this should not be this much fun. God damn it all to hell. Sonny was going to set her on fire when he heard of this.

“Again, Courtney, I didn’t tell you to break up with Jason.” Elizabeth sat back and tilted her head to the left. “But…thanks for making it much easier for us to work things out. He really did feel so guilty about the whole thing. No telling how long it would have taken him to sort through that.”

Oh, shit. That should not be hysterical, but Carly watched as Courtney realized that Elizabeth was, in fact, correct. Had Courtney not broken up with him, tried to work it out, Jason would have attempted to continue his relationship with the blonde, even if was only for Sonny and Courtney’s sake.

“So…this whole martyr thing you’ve got going…really isn’t my fault.” Elizabeth casually sipped her water. “I let you guilt me for months because I truly felt sorry but it’s been four months. And I’m over it. I was wrong, but so were you. Suck it up, Courtney.”

“You are such a goddamn bitch. Everything Emily ever said about you was right,” Courtney hissed, and Carly saw Elizabeth’s smirk fade slightly. “You are a manipulative whore who only goes after what she can’t have. You think you’ve won, Elizabeth? You thought you had it all last summer, too, didn’t you? But he walked away from you then, and he’s going to do it again. You know it. You’re just an obligation.”

“Courtney,” Carly began, struggling to her feet. “That is enough—”

“It is not!” Courtney growled. Her eyes fixed on Elizabeth who didn’t look so confident now. “I know that Jason doesn’t give a damn about you or that baby. You’re never together, Emily told me you’re always alone at the hospital unless that dumb nurse is taking pity on you. He went to one appointment and then split. Maybe you’re screwing him now, but you can ask Carly—that never lasts. If Jason loved you, Elizabeth, he wouldn’t look so god damned pained every time I see him.”

“Listen here, you self-righteous pain in the ass,” Carly began, in the awkward position of having to defend the Muffin who looked pale. Damn her life. “Talk about using someone for sex? What the hell do you think you were? He screwed you, realized you weren’t what he wanted and went back to her. He always goes back to her—”

“Carly,” Elizabeth said softly. “It’s not worth it—”

“The hell with that. No one talks about Jason like that. No one.” She jabbed her finger at Courtney, who looked a little startled by the venom in her voice. Fucking twit. “You don’t know a damn thing about him, Elizabeth or this baby. This baby is loved by every single member of her family. How the hell would Emily know anything when she hasn’t spoken to either of them in nearly two months? You need to knock this shit off, Courtney, or you’re going to find out what I do to people who fuck with my family.” She yanked a bill out of her pocket. “Let’s go, Muffin. I’ve had enough of the scenery.”

“Since when does she rate as family? You don’t even like her!” Courtney cried as Carly gathered her bags and Elizabeth got to her feet.

Carly cast a look at Elizabeth, who just looked resigned. She looked back at Courtney, with a smirk. “Since when do you have to like family? Jason picked her, that’s good enough for me.”

Rocco came forward and took Carly’s bags, and they started out of the courtyard. Courtney’s last shot echoed after them. “Sure, you’re family now, Elizabeth, but just wait until Jason drops you, too. You’ll see how fast Carly changes her goddamn mind!”

Sonny’s Penthouse: Living Room

Carly lounged on the sofa, enjoying the bowl of ice cream she’d filched from the other penthouse. Courtney might not understand why Carly had softened towards Elizabeth, but on hot days like this—when Sonny was out of town—and Carly could indulge in all the junk Elizabeth could smuggle past the guards, she thought the world would understand.

The door opened and Jason entered in, narrowing his eyes at the bowl. “If Sonny finds out—”

Carly licked her spoon. “You gonna tell him? Because I will dime Elizabeth out so fast…” She set her bowl on the coffee table and lurched to her feet. “Thanks for coming over.”

“Well, your call said it was important.” Jason crossed his arms. “You feeling okay? Michael good?”

“Everything’s fine on this side of the building.” Carly hesitated. “Listen, I’m not sure exactly how to say what I want to say, but trust me, it’s important and my promises to Sonny, be damned, I’m going to—” She scowled when she saw Jason sigh. “Hey! This is me being a good person. You’re gonna want to mark it on the calendar and take notice.”

“What is it?”

Because now he looked like he was actually listening, even if he hated the idea, Carly sniffed and nodded. “Elizabeth and I are…we are not friends, but we are getting along because it’s just easier—”

“Carly—”

“Do not interrupt me.” Carly wiggled her finger at him. “Anyway. Plus, we’re both pregnant and cooped up a lot, so we’ve just…reached a truce type situation.”

Jason raised an eyebrow, and the simmering impatience in his eyes told her to step this up because he was going to stop listening pretty soon and just leave. “We went to Kelly’s today for lunch and we had a pretty nasty run-in with Courtney.”

Some of the tension bled out his shoulders and he sighed, rubbing his eyes. “Yeah. I know she’s…still having a difficult time—”

“Oh, whatever.” Carly rolled her eyes. “I could give two craps about Courtney. She makes my teeth hurt, you know. People call me a drama queen, but that one is just holding on to the grudge because she can see how guilty Elizabeth feels. Anything to hurt the other woman.”

“Elizabeth is not the—” Jason pressed his lips together and shook his head. “Carly, I’m not having this conversation with you.”

“No, I get it. Courtney was the other woman. It’s pretty clear to anyone who lives on this floor.” When Jason just glared at her, Carly wanted to throw her shoe at him. Damn it. This is why she wasn’t a nicer person more often. It was goddamn exhausting and no one let you get a word out. “But,” she drawled, “it is not obvious to anyone who lives outside this building, and you are making Elizabeth miserable.”

And just like that, his face changed. The mask slid over it, and that was just the absolute last straw. No more tip toeing around this. “Jason, I know you and the Muffin are trying to work things out, or whatever, I get it. It’s clear to me that she’s your lobster, so I’m trying to be okay with that—”

“My lobster…?” The impassive look faded and now he just looked downright bewildered. “Carly, have you been drinking?”

“No!” Carly huffed. “Your lobster. Damn it, I wish you watched Friends. It’s the only thing I can do cooped up in these damn penthouses all summer. The Muffin and I got tired of court television and daytime television, so we’ve been binging on Friends and The West Wing. That’s not the point. Lobsters. They mate for life.” It still didn’t clear up the confusion in his eyes. Carly wished she could have a drink.

Being nice was a pain in the ass.

“Fine, forget the lobsters.” Carly waved a hand. “Whatever. I get it. You want Elizabeth in your life. She would like to be in your life, but you are making it impossible.”

“I am not,” Jason snapped, before he could remember he wasn’t going to have this conversation, because he put his hands at his waist and glared at her. “Carly, stay out of it.”

“I tried that. All summer. Sonny told me don’t help, Carly, you’ll only wreck it, Carly.” She snorted. “Well, see what me not helping has done? You bastards are screwing it up all by yourself. Jason, if you want her to walk away when this is all over, you’re doing a damn fine job of holding the door open.”

He cast his eyes away, but not before Carly saw the truth. God damn it he was an idiot. “Oh, you dumb son of a bitch. You already think she’s going to. That’s why…” She braced one hand at her back, clenched the other in a fist and smacked herself in the forehead. “Oh, you two are going to be the death of me. This is it. This is my last foray into the world of being nice.”

“I’m going to go now, Carly, but this has been…disturbing.” Jason turned, his hand was on the door knob.

“No, damn it. I didn’t make my point,” Carly protested. “Jason, this is where talking is better than just assuming. She thinks you will never love her child the way you loved Michael, the way you would if it were your own. So she’s just not talking about it with you to make things easier. But that’s not why you’re not talking about it, not going to the doctor’s, not setting up a damn nursery. It’s because you think she’s going to walk away anyway.”

“Carly, what is your point?” Jason demanded, but he didn’t deny her words.

“My point is that if you keep trying to protect yourself, you’re just going to make it easier for her to go,” Carly retorted. “Because she’ll put up with you not loving the baby until Cady’s here, but once she brings her home, and this situation is over, what’s going to tie her to a man who doesn’t love her child? You think you can stop yourself from loving that baby because you don’t talk about her, because you don’t get involved with doctors?”

“You done now, Carly?”

“You are ruining your chance—”

“I’m going.” Jason pulled open the door.

“You don’t get to choose—”

The door slammed and Carly stomped her foot. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Why wouldn’t he just let her help?

Men. Fucking morons.

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Jason fought the urge to slam the door behind him as he entered his home, dropping his keys on the desk. Elizabeth often napped in the afternoons and he didn’t want to wake her.

Goddamn Carly. Why couldn’t she just stay out of it? She didn’t know the whole story, and he was tired of people pretending they knew what was going on in his head. How the fuck could they know, when he barely knew on a daily basis? From the second this entire plan had started, he’d known it would end in disaster. He wasn’t the kind of person who got have everything he wanted and what he wanted more than anything else in the world was for Elizabeth and the baby to stay with him forever. That would never happen, even if Elizabeth promised it would. Inevitably, she’d walked away.

No one had ever stayed. Not Robin. Robin had told him she could deal with the job as long as they were together, but that wasn’t true. She’d tried to have Sonny fire him, and then she’d taken Michael from him because she wanted to protect him from Carly. Like he needed goddamn protection from Carly. He knew Carly better than she knew herself. Of course she was going to use Michael like a weapon against him—Carly was always on the offensive, always looking for the second shoe to drop. But Robin never understood that it was all worth it to keep Michael. She’d just thought she knew better and destroyed his life.

Carly hadn’t stayed with him either, had told him she loved him and wanted to be family, but Carly always protected herself first. She’d wanted to make sure she could keep Michael and had ran right over to the Quartermaines, accused him of kidnapping and married AJ to cement her own custody. Even if Jason had been half-in love with her then (and he wasn’t entirely sure that was the case), she hadn’t stayed either.

And it went without saying, Elizabeth had never stayed before. She had never chosen him unless he was the default. Lucky didn’t love her anymore, so it was safe to finally admit how she felt about him. Most of the time, Jason even understood her waffling back then, and he wasn’t lying to her when he said he didn’t hold it against her. He didn’t, but Elizabeth had never stayed. First Lucky, then Zander, then that stupid lie about Sonny.

So why should he get attached to her daughter, fall in love with her? Michael had been his son, but not by blood, so he couldn’t keep him. How could he keep this new child, who still wasn’t his? What if Elizabeth got angry with him? What if she thought her daughter would be safer away from him?

So Carly didn’t know what the hell she was talking about. He knew Elizabeth was going to walk out when this was over. If not the day after, then maybe months down the line. And when she left, he was going to make damn sure he kept enough of himself together to keep going.

This wasn’t going to be like losing Michael. He wasn’t going to find himself bleeding in the snow, wishing for death because he was alone. Not this time.

His resolve still strong, he started up the stairs, intending to check to see if Elizabeth was napping. He’d seen Cody outside, which meant she was somewhere in the penthouse. He looked in their room, and saw that it was empty and wondered if the run-in with Courtney had been worse than Carly hinted. He hated asking the guards for information like this but he doubted Elizabeth would tell him.

He heard rustling from the room that had been Elizabeth’s room the first few weeks she’d been here, and he pushed the ajar door open to reveal Elizabeth sitting on the floor next to the bed, a collection of bags at her feet. When the door creaked open, her head twisted and her startled eyes flew up to meet his. “Jason—I—I didn’t think…” She bit her lip and looked at the sweater she was holding.

The miniature white sweater, meant for a baby. And then Jason realized she’d been going through baby clothes, which had been kept in bags in the guest room. He saw a cardboard box halfway out of the closet, with a few more bags.

Something twisted inside him as he realized that Carly was right. Elizabeth had sensed his reluctance to talk about the baby and had done what was necessary to keep it from coming between them, so she’d prepared for her child in secret, stuffing all the evidence in a closet.

He exhaled slowly, and she glanced away. “I…I was just…putting this stuff away—” She started shoving clothes back in their bags, reaching for the box.

“Wait a second.” Jason rubbed the side of his face, and wondered if he’d ever really believed he’d be able to protect himself from watching Elizabeth take her daughter and leave him one day?

It was already too late.

“You…” He entered the room and sat next to her, reaching for one of the soft white t-shirts she’d been pulling from its package. “You need a better place to put these things.”

Elizabeth looked at him, her beautiful eyes filled with apprehension. “I…” Still chewing on her lower lip, she glanced away, towards a pink onesie proclaiming I Love My Aunt. He closed his eyes. Carly was doing a better job at supporting Elizabeth through her pregnancy than he was. No wonder she was so sure Elizabeth was going to walk away from him.

“You should…look at the guest rooms,” Jason said slowly. “Which one you like best.” When she just frowned at him, he continued. “For the baby…” Carly’s words came back to him, and he hesitated. “I think Carly said you were calling her Cady?”

“You’ve talked to Carly?” Elizabeth said, with a shaky sigh. “I guess she told you about Courtney.”

“Yeah…” Jason leaned back against the bed. “I’m sorry she’s still giving you a difficult time.”

“She’s not saying anything that isn’t true,” Elizabeth murmured, lingering over a sun dress. “She was angry that I was having lunch with Carly. That I was trying to steal her life. I’m not…” Her fingers tightened on the outfit. “I just…Carly’s been…uncharacteristically nice to me, and without Emily…” She hesitated. “I know Nadine is my friend, but with Carly…there’s not…she knows the truth.”

“Yeah.” Carly did know the truth, which Jason had half suspected all along, and he was surprised she’d handled it as well as she had so far. “I get that. Elizabeth, I—”

“And, yeah, Carly and I talked about names, because she was telling me they’re going with Morgan Stone.” When he winced, her smile deepened, looked more genuine. “Don’t be modest, Jason. Carly said you’re the reason she has Sonny in her life, that she’s having this baby. She just wants to honor that.”

“I guess.” Jason scratched the back of his neck, still uncomfortable. “So Cady?”

“Yeah…short for Cadence.” Elizabeth slowly folded the sun dress. “Cadence Audrey.” Her hand slid to her abdomen and she jolted. “Whoa.”

“What’s…” He hesitated, because he thought he knew. She suddenly reached for his hand and drew it against her belly.

“Can you feel that?” Elizabeth asked her eyes wide and shining. “She was kicking—”

And then he did feel it. A light bump under his hand, and he couldn’t help the smile spreading across his face. “Yeah, I feel her. That’s…” Jason swallowed. “She’s going to be here soon.”

Some of the light dimmed from her eyes, and he felt like he’d been punched, because he’d done that to her. He’d wanted to protect her from Ric, to keep her child safe, and somehow he’d ended up making her feel guilty for being excited, for looking forward to it, as if she didn’t have the right. “Elizabeth, I am so…” He didn’t know how to say it, how to make this better. Instead of trying to explain himself, he just said, “We’re going to need that nursery sooner rather than later, don’t you think?”

Her smile brightened a little. “Yeah…I guess we are.” She rested her forehead against his, and he closed his eyes, wondering if it was too late to change what was going to happen, if it was too late to prevent her from walking away.

There’s a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout ’cause you’re just as far in as you’ll ever be out
And these mistakes you’ve made, you’ll just make them again
If you’d only try turning around
– Breathe (2AM), Anna Nalick

Monday, August 25, 2003

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Francis pushed open the door, with a smirk on his face. “Mrs. C is here, Miss Webber.”

Elizabeth, at the base of the stairs, rolled her eyes. “Francis, he’s upstairs and I doubt he cares what you call me—”

“No time for this, Muffin.” Carly stepped through the door, a cardboard box in her arms. “There’s ice cream in here and it’s going to melt.” She narrowed her eyes at a thud from upstairs. “What’s going on?”

“They’re taking apart some of the furniture in one of the guest rooms.” She stepped forward. “What’s with the food?”

“My brain must be oozing out of my ears,” Carly said, following her to the kitchen where she set the box on the table. “Sonny’s going to be here in a few hours, and I forgot I got lax about junk food. It’s bad enough he knows where I hide the Oreos and the candy bars. If he finds out the ice cream was in there…”

Elizabeth laughed and started to unpack the box. “Well, at least since Sonny’s back that means he’ll be kicking you out again, so you can just come over here and stuff your face.” She put the pistachio ice cream in their freezer.

“There is that benefit.” Carly glanced out the doorway where she saw several men carrying down a headboard. “Why are you cleaning out one of the guest rooms?”

Elizabeth hesitated and then ducked her head, still not sure that it was all happening. “A few weeks ago, Jason suggested I pick which room I wanted for the nursery. I kept changing my mind, but I decided yesterday.”

“Jason suggested?” Carly pursed her lips. “Well, huh, maybe he was listening.” She unwrapped a candy bar and split it in half, offering one side to Elizabeth. “So…that does that mean things are better?”

“They’re…different,” Elizabeth allowed. They still weren’t talking about what the baby would mean for their relationship, if Jason intended on being her father in truth, and not just in gossip, but she didn’t feel the crushing weight of not being able to talk about how tired she was sometimes, or how her feet hurt.

“Hmmm….” Sounding unconvinced, Carly chewed her chocolate. “I’m having lunch with Mama later, but afterwards, I could always bring some of my books over so we can work on color schemes. I have to settle on Morgan’s nursery colors since he’s due in five minutes.”

“That wouldn’t suck,” Elizabeth said. “Jason and Sonny will probably spend half the afternoon getting caught up anyway.” She smiled and shook her head. “Since it’s not like they can discuss their business over the phone.”

“True story.” Carly popped the last piece in her mouth. “All right, I’ve delivered my known contraband, so I’m going to do another sweep, make sure I didn’t miss anything.”

“I know you bitch about Sonny’s nutrition issues, but I think you enjoy the crap out of figuring out how to get your junk food anyway,” Elizabeth remarked as she walked the blonde to the door, already opened.

“I do,” Carly admitted, “because he knows that I’m doing it, but he can’t figure out how. I just hope he doesn’t realize you’re my dealer until this kid is out of me.” With a wave, she left. “Later, Muffin.”

Elizabeth rolled her eyes and turned around to see Jason heading down the stairs. Behind her, Francis closed the door. “Hey, did they finish?”

“Yeah,” Jason replied. He slid his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “But they left the carpet where it is. I didn’t know if you wanted to change it.”

Elizabeth shrugged. “I can make it work, I’m sure.” She hesitated, feeling a bit apprehensive. Things were better, but they weren’t where they needed to be, and more than once since Jason had suggested setting up a nursery, she’d been urged by Nadine to just talk to the man.

She knew she should. She knew they had to, but she just…wanted more time.

“Carly was by dropping off her junk food,” she said finally. She twisted her fingers in the skirt of her strapless maxi dress. “She said Sonny’s on his way back.”

“Yeah.” He stepped forward took her hands in his, stilling her restless fingers. “But it won’t be like it was last month. Things are calmer.” But the unspoken for now hung between them, and she was determined to put on a brave face for him.

“I’m not worried about that.” She bit her lip, because she hated bringing it up, but knowing she didn’t have a choice. “I know we don’t talk about it much, but I haven’t asked in a while about…” She paused. “Well…your search for Ric.”

Instead of tensing up as she had expected, he just sighed and led her over to the couch. He sat and she curled up next to him. “I told you we had to scale it back when things started to get…complicated here.”

“I know, and I understood.” She really did. For all they knew, Ric had given up after the kidnapping attempt fell through, and there was no point in Jason and Sonny leaving them unprotected on one side to search for a possibly non-existent threat. “I just think we’d all be better off if he wasn’t hanging over our shoulders.”

“I know. I’m hoping we can ramp it back up now that things are under control,” Jason said. “I’d like this resolved before you have the baby.”

Elizabeth frowned, because she wasn’t really sure what that meant. Feeling a little brave, she cleared her throat. “Because you’d like me out of here by then?” she asked softly.

He drew his brows together, and he met her eyes, his own filled with bewilderment. “No. I just…I know your blood pressure is back where it needs to be, and you’ve been healthy. I just…don’t want you worried about it.” He laced their fingers together and stared at their hands. “I told you…I wanted you here. I—I know I haven’t…always made it easy.”

“No,” Elizabeth confessed, “but neither have I.” She rested her head on his shoulder, her forehead against his cheek. “We’re still just living in the moment, Jason.”

“I know.” His was voice was low, almost hoarse. “I know that.”

“This summer has meant so much to me…to finally be with you, to look at you and not have to hide how I feel…but I can’t live in the moment forever.”

His chest rumbled as he exhaled. “I know. We need to…figure out what’s next.”

She nodded, closing her eyes. She didn’t want to read into his words, but she knew a part of her wondered if the reason Jason had such difficulty bringing up the future with her was because he didn’t think they had one.

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

Jason nodded to Max, who opened Sonny’s door. He’d rather be across the hall, watching Elizabeth sketch or read, or do anything. Every moment he spent with Elizabeth felt bittersweet now, because he thought they had almost agreed that what they had was all about the moment, and he knew what she meant about it not lasting forever.

He’d known that all along, but it was the first time either of them had really broached what that might mean. He’d agreed to set up a room for the baby, and hesitantly brought the topic up several times so she’d know she didn’t have to hide it anymore. He hated that she’d felt that way, but he couldn’t go back and change the past. He could only make it better.

“Hey, Jase.” Sonny poured a glass of water. “Carly’s out to lunch with her mother. Liz across the hall?”

“Yeah.” He rubbed his chest, absently. “She still doesn’t leave the penthouse much, which I know drives her crazy. Mostly for the hospital or lunch with her grandmother. Sometimes Carly takes her shopping.”

“Yeah.” Sonny grinned. “Carly mentioned she’d been spending more time than she felt comfortable about with the Muffin.” He shook his head as he sipped the water. “I’d tell her to stop with the nickname, but I think it’s a term of endearment at this point, which pisses Carly off. So really, it’s kind of funny.”

The odd truce that had sprung up between the two women was actually entertaining, Jason had to admit. He was still wary of them spending time together, sure that at any moment, Carly would revert to form, but she was proving him wrong. Carly had always said in the end she was loyal to him first, which explained why she’d stopped hanging out with Courtney, but this was the first time he actually believed that might be true.

“Anyway.” Sonny sighed and set the glass down. “Let’s get down to it.” He crossed to the desk and flipped through some folders. “I got a guy on computers. He’s annoying as hell, because I’m not entirely sure he speaks English and drinks too much orange soda. He’s at PCU, which means he’s younger than I’d like, but Stan told me he’s a crafty motherfucker.” He handed a file to Jason. “Damien Spinelli. He managed to track the money that’s been skimmed off from the casinos to a series of shell corporations. He said he’s still tracing it to the original account holder, but it might take time.”

“So we still don’t know who’s behind this?” Jason glanced at the file on the new hacker and then closed it. He’d go over it more detail later. “Or why they came at us so hard last month, and then just drew back without warning? I don’t like it, Sonny.”

“Me either.” Sonny rubbed the corner of his mouth with his index finger. “It makes me surer we’re dealing with Ric and Faith. I don’t know where they’d get the resources, but that kind of haphazard attack tells me they’re running low. Maybe they thought all the problems would distract us from Elizabeth’s security.” He shrugged. “Not a chance, but I guess they don’t know that.”

“I just…” Jason looked at the ceiling, annoyed at the world. “I just wish we knew if it is Ric, if he’s after you, or still after Elizabeth. If he believed us when we told him it was my child. I don’t know, and I hate not knowing.”

“I underestimated the son of a bitch,” Sonny growled. “He was impatient. Didn’t get the reaction he wanted from you about Liz, so he went after my wife. But he didn’t even bother trying to seduce her or being her friend. He went right for blackmail. It didn’t feel like he had an exit plan.”

“I should have taken him apart the second I saw him going after Elizabeth,” Jason muttered. “I wanted to.”

“Yeah…well…” Sonny rolled his shoulders. “I figured he was so sloppy before, he’d be that way again. But I don’t know, man…if he’s still focused on Elizabeth…”

Jason saw hesitation settle over his friend’s features, and tensed. “What?”

“I think…” Sonny said slowly, “that he was impatient when he was dealing with me, but I’m beginning to wonder if he ever believed Elizabeth was pregnant with your child.” He held up a hand when Jason opened his mouth to protest. “Hear me out. It was a good plan, and I went along with it. It may have made her life difficult for a while, but it offered her a level of protection that she just wouldn’t have had otherwise. But it’s like…Ric is holding on to that, and I keep remember how you said he threatened her.”

“He said he wouldn’t be separated from his child.” Jason scrubbed his hands over his face. “So he’s been screwing with us this whole time. He made us think he believed me when he went straight for Carly and Courtney. He wanted to exact the maximum damage. He knew it was a ploy, and that’s why he announced it to an entire goddamn diner.”

“We were distracted then. By setting up this story, by getting Elizabeth’s security detail settled.” Sonny nodded. “And while we were dealing with the Families and Elizabeth’s safety, he came after the business.”

“Because he thought we might shift our focus again.” It was so goddamn clear now. How the hell had they missed this? “What are they going to do now? They still can’t get to her. I barely let her out of my sight. She has two guards on her when she leaves, and two more she doesn’t even see. We sweep the cars she uses before they get close.” He was going to crawl out of his skin, because all of this meant Ric was still focused on Elizabeth and the baby. He hadn’t fixed a goddamn thing yet.

“Ric has to figure she’s getting close to her due date. I can’t…” Sonny paused. “I can’t decide if he thinks it’d be better to grab her now, and wait for the baby to be born or wait until the kid is here. But it’s insane at this point. He has to know that after all the trouble we’ve gone to protect her, that we’re still sticking with the story…he has to know we’d protect the kid as much as Elizabeth.”

“Which means he’ll be desperate and looking for any opportunity.”

Kelly’s: Courtyard

Carly entered the courtyard, Rocco just steps behind her. She hoped like hell Courtney wasn’t working today. She hadn’t seen her in the two weeks since their last run-in and good riddance to her. Why the hell she’d thought that simpering twit was good enough for her best friend, she’d never know.

She wasn’t even sure the Muffin was good enough for him, but they were stupid for each other, which meant Carly hoped they got their shit together and stopped causing her stress.

“Carly?”

The sound of her name had her pausing in front of the door. She turned to find Elizabeth’s grandmother and the nurse from the hospital at one of the tables. “Oh, hello, Mrs. Hardy.”

Audrey smiled at her and got to her feet. “Hello, how are you feeling?”

“Fat,” Carly said, always suspicious when upstanding people were nice to her, but she knew Audrey had been an unexpected source of support for her…not her friend, damn it. The Muffin. Audrey supported the Muffin. Damn her life. “Ready to have this baby.”

“Would you join us for a moment?” Audrey asked. She must have seen the confusion in Carly’s eyes, because she smiled. “Just a moment. We won’t keep you.”

“All right.” Carly gingerly lowered herself into the third chair and looked at the perky blonde nurse. Nadia. Nancy. Naomi. Frick. She needed to pay more attention. “Um…I’m not sure we’ve ever really…you know, met.”

“Nadine Crowell.” The other woman smiled. Nadine, that’s right. At least she was on the right track. “I’m sure you’re wondering why Mrs. Hardy and I cornered you.”

“Um…” Carly darted a glance at the elderly woman who had taken her seat again. “The thought had occurred to me.”

“It’s about Elizabeth,” Audrey said. “Nadine and I would like to have a baby shower for her, but we…” She cleared her throat. “I understand from my granddaughter that…for security reasons…” And though phrase clearly pained her, but Carly admired how the woman just forged on. “We may want to have it at the penthouse.”

“It’d be totally easier for gifts, too,” Nadine remarked and Carly wondered idly how anyone could be that goddamn chipper all the damn time. She kind of wanted to smack her to see if she’d stop smiling long enough to cry.

“It’s true that the penthouse would be easiest,” Carly agreed. And then she realized she’d somehow been roped into planning a baby shower for Elizabeth Muffin Webber.

God damn her life. Whatever happened to the bitch on wheels? Pregnancy. That’s what. She was going soft.

Morgan Penthouse: Nursery

Jason hesitantly pushed open the door to the newly designated nursery and found Elizabeth standing in the middle of the room, a sketchbook in her hand and tapping a pencil against her lips. She didn’t notice him right away, so he leaned against the door jamb. She was wearing another one of those stretchy, clingy dresses that told the world that she was pregnant. It should have bothered him—this constant reminder of their expiration date. That once she had her daughter, things between them would change, even end. And yet…it was impossible to ignore that Elizabeth Webber was one of those women who glowed when she was carrying a child.

Elizabeth glanced over and smiled. “Hey. I thought Carly said you were going to be late.”

“I have to go back out tonight,” he told her, “but I’m free for the next few hours.” He looked at her sketchbook. “Do you know what you want to do in here yet?”

Her eyes widened, and he knew she was surprised he was, once again, broaching the subject of her daughter.

She smiled and looked back at the walls. “Yeah. Carly came by while you were meeting with Sonny, and she lugged over almost ever decorating book or magazine she could find.” She chuckled, shaking her head. “Rocco was not happy, but I guess he figures better to keep her happy.” She tapped her pencil idly against the paper. “She’s still trying to visualize Morgan’s nursery, so she actually asked me for my opinion on that.” Elizabeth wrinkled her nose. “Carly and I haven’t argued in like four months, Jason. I don’t know what to do about that.”

This time his smile felt more natural. “Yeah, I know what you mean. Carly never ceases to surprise me. I thought she’d be the most difficult part of all this.”

“I know, right?” Elizabeth crossed to the windowsill to put down the pad and pick up a measuring tape. He hurried forward to take it from her. “Jason, I am capable of—”

“I’m taller than you,” he pointed out. “What do you need?”

She indicated she wanted the length of the walls, from corner to corner, to window, to door so she could make accurate furniture plans. As he did so, Elizabeth continued with their previous conversation. “Carly and I have been at odds for so long, I’m pretty sure that neither of us really remember why.” She hesitated. “Well, that’s not true. She hated me because of that December in my studio.”

“Yeah, she wasn’t a fan of you restricting my visitors.” Jason smiled now, remembering how fierce Elizabeth had been then. He’d seen the sparks in her all that fall, but he’d wondered if she’d be able to stand up to Sonny and Carly when he didn’t want to see them. The two were forces of nature, used to getting their own way, but they hadn’t been prepared for her.

“Hmmph.” Elizabeth folded her arms and lifted her chin. “Well, you didn’t want to see anyone. It was all I could do to make you see Bobbie.” She tilted her head to the side. “That time in my studio, that’s when I knew I was going to be okay. That I would be okay without Lucky. Before then, I was still kind of floundering, not sure how to get on with my life. But…I woke up one day when it was all over, and I realized…” He looked at her, and her cheeks were flushed.

“You realized what?”

“That you weren’t just my friend with the motorcycle,” Elizabeth admitted. “You weren’t just Emily’s brother.” She met his eyes. “You were Jason, and I…I really missed you.”

“I know what you mean,” Jason after a long moment. He wrote down the last measurement and set the tape back on the window sill. “I always knew who you were. I always kept an eye on who Emily was friends with, and I remember seeing you that night at Luke’s, when Nikolas was shot.” He leaned against the window. “And I remember you, with Lucky. That…night at the garage.”

“I only remembered you and Sonny later,” Elizabeth said. She crossed the room and leaned against the wall, facing him. “I remember falling, but not hitting the ground. Bobbie told me Sonny caught me.” Her eyes looked pained. “And I remember going to tell Sonny that I was so sorry Luke was blaming him because the fire had been my fault, caused by the candles I asked him to light.”

“But it wasn’t your fault,” Jason reminded her, hating the anguish talking about those days brought up. “And you know, Lucky’s alive.”

“I know.” Elizabeth exhaled slowly. “But not…not in the same way. He’s mostly okay now, but he’s not that boy anymore. That boy…the one you hired, that idolized Luke and Sonny…that Lucky never came back, and it took me a long time to accept that.” She forced a smile on her face. “But we were talking about how you thought of me before the studio.”

“Right.” Jason didn’t want to talk about Lucky anyway, though he found he was less bothered by her memories of Lucky before the fire then he was by the ones with the living breathing pain in the ass he always had to deal with. “There was the time you and Emily lied to Jake about me saying it was all right for you guys to go see some stupid band.”

Elizabeth laughed, and he was relieved that it was genuine. “Yeah. Oh, wow. I still don’t know why 98 Degrees was playing in some dive bar, but hey…if you hadn’t given us permission that night…I never would have gone that night you and I first…” She hesitated. “It’s weird, because I think of it as the night we met, but it’s not.” She bit her lip. “Or may be it is, because it’s the first time I looked at you and saw someone other than Lucky’s friend or Emily’s brother.”

“You liked the bike, I think,” Jason mused, and she pouted, punching him lightly in the shoulder. “But yeah. I know what you mean. After that, we were friends, but not the way…” He paused, because he didn’t know exactly how to explain this to her. “You took apart your entire life to take care of me. You let people think the worst about you, and you never…once backed down.”

“You needed me,” Elizabeth said. She rested her chin on his shoulder and smiled. “And it was fun, sometimes. It sounds awful, but I used to get a kick out of how everyone looked at me differently. Before I was just little Lizzie Webber, Audrey’s granddaughter, Lucky’s friend. Afterwards…” She laughed. “I was the ex-mistress of an alleged mob enforcer.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “It helped break me out of my shell.”

He laughed, glad she could look back on those accusations with a smile on her face. He’d hated the way Nikolas talked about her, the way he’d used Lucky to make her feel guilty for not wanting him. Jason should have punched him harder. “I’d never had anyone fight on my side the way you did,” he admitted. “If Robin had found me in the boxcar, she would have forced me to go to the hospital. She wouldn’t have listened to me about not wanting Sonny’s help. She would have insisted.”

“Well, about halfway up the stairs to my studio, there were times I wished I’d at least enlisted one of Sonny’s men,” Elizabeth teased, but she shrugged a shoulder. “I knew I could get your medications from Sonny. I knew Bobbie would help take care of you. You weren’t in any danger. Anyway, you just would have left the hospital.”

He chuckled, because of course she was right. In the hospital, he would have been subjected to Carly, to the Quartermaines, to anyone who wanted to walk in his door. And though her studio hadn’t been peaceful, what with Carly, Nikolas and her grandmother barging in all the time, she’d always showed up to kick them out. “How’d we start talking about this, anyway?”

“Carly.” Elizabeth reached around him for her sketchpad and the measuring tape. “Why she didn’t like me. Honestly, I figured I’d be hearing her screaming about this situation every other day based on how often I had to deal with her back then, but she’s been downright pleasant.” Elizabeth pursed her lips. “She’s not up to something, is she?”

“Oh, God, I hope not,” Jason said fervently. Carly with a plan was a dangerous thing. “I’m hoping she’s content with figuring out how to sneak her junk food past Sonny. I do not have the energy to worry about what schemes Carly might be into.” He rubbed his face, exhausted at the mere possibility. “Do you want order something for dinner? Or we could make something.”

“Hmm…” Elizabeth tapped her lip. “How long are you going to be gone tonight?” she asked. “Most of the night?”

“Probably,” Jason frowned. “I have to leave around nine.”

She reached for his wrist to look at his watch. “And it’s five, now.” She released his arm and wrapped her arms around his neck. “I think we should order out. So…that…” She pressed a kiss on the underside of his jaw. “We can do other things.”

“Yeah?” He grinned, resting his hands on either of her hips. “What other things?”

“Have I ever told you about the way a woman’s libido changes during pregnancy?” Elizabeth leaned back and arched an eyebrow. “Some women…don’t feel a difference. Some…can’t get in the mood. And others…” She danced the fingers of one hand down his chest until it rested at the waist of his jeans. “Can’t stop thinking about it.”

“Well, I guess, in that case…takeout is for best.” He slid his hand in her hair and drew her in for a fierce kiss, wishing it could always be as easy it was in this moment.

All that I wanted from you
Was something you’d never do
So let me in
Oh please tonight
Don’t let this end
Tonight
Cause’ I’m starting to fall
So let me in
– Let Me In, Save Ferris

Thursday, September 18, 2003

Kelly’s: Courtyard

Emily pulled her cardigan tighter around her sweater, already missing the heat of summer. Days like this she missed California, where the summer lasted far longer than September, but if she wanted to live near her family, living in upstate New York was the price she had to pay.

She smiled at her breakfast partner, who was absorbed in stirring her tea, and then sipped her hot chocolate. She set the mug down and looked at the other two empty chairs at either end of the table, remembering other meals at Kelly’s. Remembering when the person across from her had been a brunette and also sipping hot chocolate. They’d once split three packets of the stuff between them, overfilling their mugs with whipped cream and sprinkles.

Instead, she sat across from Courtney Matthews who sipped tea.

Her stomach rolled, as often had in the nearly three months since she had spoken to her brother or her best friend. She’d been upset at contributing to Elizabeth’s bed rest, and had decided that her niece or nephew was more important than trading snide remarks with her former best friend. And that regaining her brother’s respect had been more important.

But she’d seen Elizabeth at the hospital for appointments, for lunches with her grandmother and Nadine Crowell. How her pregnancy had advanced, the way the sadness in her eyes had faded—sadness Emily had never really registered. She hadn’t seen her brother nearly as often—occasionally on the docks or here at Kelly’s. He’d never been one to wear his emotions on his sleeve, particularly in public, but he didn’t look as tense or annoyed with the world.

And the more she’d met with Courtney, the more she’d wondered how she’d got it all wrong. She’d listened to Courtney’s bitter rants and realized they didn’t quite match the syrupy version she’d received when she’d come home in March. How Courtney just knew Jason saw her that way, but he’d been such a stand-up guy that he’d broken things off with Elizabeth before he’d ever told her, showed her. That’s why it hurt so much that he’d cheated on her, that he’d lied to her and wouldn’t give her the time of day.

Emily glanced up as the man in question entered the courtyard. Jason glanced at their table, met Emily’s eyes and then looked away. He disappeared into the restaurant. She exhaled slowly. “I miss him,” she murmured.

Courtney tapped the side of her tea cup and nodded. “I’m sorry you guys argued about me—”

“We didn’t,” Emily interrupted. “I mean, not really.” She set her mug down. “He was upset because Elizabeth went on bed rest for a while in June, and he said that the way I was…treating her had been a factor. I…” Emily hesitated, because she didn’t want to make Courtney angry. The blonde had spent the better part of the summer, living on anger and bitterness, but the past few weeks had been different. The weight seemed to have lifted from her shoulders.

“You took my side against Elizabeth,” Courtney said with a guilty smile. “Em, I never meant for that to happen. I know I put you in the middle more than I should have, but…” She leaned back and sighed. “Carly changed her mind about liking me, I guess I was only useful when I was dating Jason.”

“Courtney, you were hurt.” Emily paused. “No matter how my brother and Elizabeth ended their relationship, or even if you were…a rebound, he shouldn’t have cheated on you.” She bit her lip. “But, yeah, I took your side over Elizabeth’s, which…seemed like the right one at the time. You were my friend, too. I mean, Elizabeth and I were close when we were teenagers, but after I had my accident, we drifted apart.” Emily stared at her hands. “We both called and wrote, talked about her coming out to see me, or me coming home once I started UCLA, but it…just never happened. She got busy with life here, I was busy with life in California. And then…” She sucked in a breath. “She called me last summer to tell me she’d slept with my ex-boyfriend. I was so angry with her. I hung up on her, didn’t even let her explain.”

“What was there to explain?” Courtney asked dully. “I knew she and Jason were fighting after that, well not…” She paused. “Not fighting, But there was a distance that hadn’t been there before. He didn’t look at her the way he had before.”

“Yeah, but I guess…” Emily shook her head. “Zander had lived here another year without me, and Elizabeth was one of the few people he knew. Maybe…they got closer. I don’t know. There are a thousand reasons she could have done it, and I never let her tell me even one. I didn’t even know about her and Jason until I came home. But I remembered the year before, when he’d been home the last time, how he’d been so upset because he cared so much about her, and she kept jerking him around…” She closed her eyes. “But maybe I didn’t want to see how sad she’d been, how unhappy she’d been with Lucky for months.”

“She could have broken up with him,” Courtney said, her mouth tight. “She didn’t have to—”

“No.” Emily smiled, feeling sorrow at how she hadn’t seen Elizabeth. She’d only seen Lucky. For months, she’d only seen her childhood best friend and known he wasn’t the same boy, that he hadn’t come back all the way, and if Elizabeth would just concentrate on him and forget about Jason, maybe Lucky would come back and it would be like it had been before.

“C’mon, Emily. No one has to stay in a relationship that makes them miserable.” Courtney rolled her eyes. “I came along at the tail end of that, and I can’t even understand why she loved him in the first place—”

“You didn’t know them then.” Emily looked away. “I don’t say that to make you upset or point out how far back I go with Elizabeth, but before we thought Lucky died in that fire, I wanted a love like theirs. I know they were young, but…” Emily hesitated. “They’d been so happy together. The way they looked at one another, they were so in sync. I just…” She tilted her head up the sky. “When he came home, I didn’t see that they weren’t those people anymore. He’d been through so much, she’d been dealing with thinking he was dead, but everyone told them they were perfect together, and I know they both felt an obligation to one another to live those dreams again.”

“Emily—”

“And we all pressured her when Lucky was having difficulties. We told her to keep trying, that she and Lucky were perfect together.” Emily rubbed the side of her face. “I didn’t see it. I knew she and Jason were close before he left that first time. I used to think…” Emily pressed her lips together. “That if Lucky had been really dead, if he hadn’t left…”

“But Lucky was alive, and Jason left. Emily, I don’t know the point of all this—”

“The point of this is that I…” Emily met the exasperated eyes of her brother’s ex-girlfriend. “I think maybe I blamed her for not trying hard enough. Lucky was my best friend in the whole world, the first one I made here in Port Charles, and I think…maybe I thought she should have tried harder. If she hadn’t been distracted by Jason, she could have…”

“Made Lucky be the way he used to be?” Courtney supplied. “Well, I mean, it’s not like I like her or even know him that well, but…” As if annoyed with herself for taking Elizabeth’s side, she huffed. “Should that have been her job?”

“No…which makes what Nikolas and I did to her so much worse. I wish I could go back, and tell that girl it was okay she didn’t want to be a model, that she had stopped loving Lucky the way she had before the fire, that it was okay that she had feelings for someone else.”

“But that’s not why you’re fighting now,” Courtney told her. “You’re fighting now because of how she hurt your brother. How she wasn’t honest with you.”

“But it’s the same thing as before,” Emily replied. “I’m not asking her how it happened, how she and Jason fell apart, how they came back together, why she slept with Zander. I’m just…judging her for those things. I’m still taking someone else’s side.”

“I guess.” Courtney shrugged a shoulder. “I mean, I get it, Emily, I do. She’s your best friend going back to high school. I only dated Jason a few months. I look at her now, and she’s having a baby, Em. I made it more difficult for her than I had to.” She swirled her spoon in her now cold tea. “I guess I figured I was a rebound for Jason at first. He was for me, but I really thought that changed after a while. I thought…”

“I just want to apologize to her,” Emily murmured. “I don’t expect her to forgive me, or even understand why I did what I did, but I just want her to know that I know what I did was wrong. I mean, I made the situation so much worse, Courtney. I dropped all these hints to Ric, and then Elizabeth couldn’t deal with things the way she wanted to. Instead, she and Jason have to play damage control. You find out from Ric in front of a dozen people. It’s my fault.”

“I could have been nicer to her. I didn’t have to…” Courtney sighed. “I was pretty nasty to her the last time I saw her and Carly here together. I was so angry that she was stealing my best friend after I lost Jason, but Carly wasn’t my best friend. She’s Jason’s best friend, and I forgot that for a long time. I said some really awful things.”

“But it’s not like Jason would let me within a hundred miles of her right now.” Emily put her elbow on the table, and propped her chin on her first. “And I’m sure her guards aren’t supposed to let anyone stress her out, not with the baby due in less than three months.”

“Yeah.” Courtney nodded. “I know the guards don’t like me. Especially Cody. I used to…” Her cheeks flushed. “I used to make him help Elizabeth close up the nights we had the last shift. I knew he wouldn’t let her lift anything heavy, but…” She shrugged. “I shouldn’t have done it. So there’s no way I could get near her to apologize. Not after the last stunt.”

“Maybe I could get near her at the hospital,” Emily mused. “The security is relatively tight there, my dad has insisted on it after the crap that’s happened there over the last few years, so they don’t always follow her around. Usually, there’s one at the elevator and one at the stairwell that’s between the waiting area and her doctor’s office.” With her free hand, she tapped her fingers restlessly against the table. “I don’t even know if I should bother before the baby is born. Maybe until I can’t cause her more stress.”

“Well, Em, you have to do what’s right for you,” Courtney said. She popped a piece of strawberry from her fruit plate in her mouth and watched as Jason, now with a cup of coffee, exited Kelly’s, glanced at their table again, and then left the courtyard. “That’s all we can do, really, you know. Follow our instincts.”

“Lucky used to say you should be true to yourself,” Emily murmured. “I think it’s good advice.”

“Exactly.” Courtney nodded. “And after this crappy summer, that’s the big change I’m going to make.” She lifted her tea and finished it one gulp, even though it had to be ice cold at this point. “I’m not going to sit around and wallow anymore. I’m going to start being true to myself again.”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

“It’s just for a few hours.” Elizabeth sighed, already exhausted by this argument. For two weeks, Jason had asked her to stay inside, for visitors to come to her. He hadn’t been specific, but she knew he felt her security had been threatened in some way—that Ric and Faith had been toying with them all summer, hoping for an opportunity to take Elizabeth. They were desperate, Jason told her, and he knew she was safe as long as she was in this building.

“Elizabeth—”

Elizabeth rolled her eyes and stepped towards the balcony, looking out over the harbor, wishing she was out there. In the last four months, she had spent more time in this penthouse than she had outside it and she was starting to chafe. Jason had tried to make it comfortable here, clearing out a space for her to paint, but she wanted her studio, she wanted to go to Kelly’s to have lunch with her grandmother. He got to go have coffee there every morning, why couldn’t she just…be outside for an hour? She glared at the evidence of his own visit, sitting empty on the coffee table.

“This is one of the reasons I pushed away,” he said quietly. She frowned now and looked at him. “Because of times like this, when your safety had to take priority over your happiness.”

She bit her lip and flicked her eyes back to the outside world. “Jason—”

“You already have to be escorted everywhere by two guards,” he interrupted, his voice rough. “You can’t paint where you want to, you can’t go out and do things when you want. I knew—”

“Just…stop…” She held up a hand, hoping he would stop talking about how this argument was justification for always pushing her away. “I might be frustrated, but it’s not like I don’t get it, okay? I do. And I’ll suck it up. But…” She rubbed the side of her head. “I just want you to let me be frustrated without pushing me away. The guards don’t bother me, being driven around doesn’t either— it’s not like I was a great driver anyway. The studio is just a room, and…” Well, the third point had some merit. “My grandmother will just have to learn to be comfortable visiting here.”

He shook his head. “You don’t—”

“Jason, it isn’t always like this,” Elizabeth said. “I know this. I remember when Sonny and Carly got married that first time. There were threats, yeah, you came home to take care of something that ended up with the warehouse burning down, but Carly went about her business at Deception, annoying me. I remember when you were dating Robin, because Emily was my friend. Robin had a guard, but she had a life and friends.”

“But—”

“The threat right now is different,” Elizabeth said simply. “I don’t know the details, and I don’t want to know them, but I know you think Ric and Faith are trying to distract you in one area, hoping that it will lead you to loosen my security a bit. That means this particular threat is aimed at me. So I’ll vent, and I’ll stomp my foot. But…” She lowered herself onto the sofa next to him. “At the end of the day, my life, my daughter’s life is more important to me than going to Kelly’s for lunch.”

Jason exhaled and he looked away. She wondered if he was just trying to think of something to counter her argument. “It won’t be like this,” he finally said. “You’ll have one guard. You’ll…be able to get a job if you want. Come and go. But this might happen again—”

“And we’ll probably get annoyed with each other then.” She hesitated. “Jason, you are important enough to me to make sacrifices. What we have is important enough for me to take that risk. Are you ever going to accept that I’m exactly where I want to be?”

“I do, most of the time.” He pressed the heel of his hand to his forehead. “I just…there’s so much I can’t control—”

“Which is why we take precautions. Why you guys have this placed locked up tighter than Fort Knox. Nadine jokes she’s sure the next time she shows up, they’ll strip search her. Jason…” Normally, she would have straddled him to force him to look at her, to meet her eyes, but she’d woken up this week, and for the first time, felt seven months pregnant. She settled for taking his hand in hers and lacing their fingers together. “Sometimes the way you talk…it makes me think you don’t see us learning how to make this work.”

He hesitated, looking at their fingers and then met her eyes, but she was annoyed that his faced was closed. “I’m just being realistic,” he said finally. “That it might not.”

She sighed and sat back, letting his hand slide from hers. “What if my grandmother and I promised to eat inside the restaurant? You know that Bobbie doesn’t mind if you put a guy on the exit and the entrance.”

“Yeah, I guess that’ll work.” She was exhausted from constantly having to be the one to make the step forward. He wanted her to stay, but he hadn’t been lying when he said he didn’t know how make to her want to, and she was beginning to think he didn’t expect her to. If she thought his hesitation to trust in them was something she could fix, she’d try to…but she just didn’t think it was. Particularly since he couldn’t bring himself to answer her hesitant questions about the future.

She was foolishly pinning her hopes on things changing when Cady was born, because she knew he’d have to be in the delivery room with her. He would hold her, and she really wanted to believe he would look at this baby he had watched come into this world and love her for who she was in her own right, and forget that she was biologically Ric Lansing’s daughter.

But even though they had now acknowledged the baby, had begun to decorate a nursery, she still didn’t feel any sense of…connection to the future. To the idea that they would be a family. If he didn’t look at Cady with the love her daughter deserved, how could she stay? So maybe he was right have that hesitation, because until she knew he would accept her daughter, she couldn’t tell him she loved him. She didn’t want to say those words, and have him look at her with those beautiful eyes and say them back, knowing she couldn’t trust them.

If he didn’t love Cady, then he couldn’t love Cady’s mother.

Elizabeth sighed. “I’ll call my grandmother to let her know I’ll be there soon.” She leaned over and kissed him. “Thanks.”

As she disappeared up the stairs, there was a knock on the door and Francis pushed open. “Hey, Jase. Mrs. C wants to speak to Miss Webber.”

Carly slowly came in, not nearly as mobile in her eighth month of pregnancy. “Man, this sucks. I don’t remember being this miserable with Michael.”

Jason stood to take her hand and lower her to the armchair. “You were too busy making sure AJ was out of the picture, that I was agreeing to help you and that Tony was far away from you.”

“Hmm…yeah, I was distracted.” She glanced around. “Where’s the Muffin?”

“Getting ready for lunch with her grandmother.”

“She gets to go out?” Carly pouted. “Lucky brat.” She sighed. “But even if I wanted to go out, I don’t know where I’d go. I’m fat, Jason. And this is your fault.”

He heard Elizabeth laugh as she came down the stairs. “Carly, how do you figure Jason got you in this mess?”

“He convinced me to marry Sonny,” Carly grumbled. “Ipso facto, that makes it his fault.”

Elizabeth frowned, with a good natured smile. “Ipso facto? When did you learn Latin?”

“I get very, bored Muffin. I read a list of Latin terms on the Internet and for funsies, I memorized them.” Carly groaned and let her head fall back. “That’s where I am in this pregnancy, Jason. I am so bored I’m learning crap.”

“Well, that’s a cause for alarm.” Elizabeth leaned in and kissed Jason on the cheek. “I’ll be back from lunch in a few hours.”

“Be careful,” Jason called after her as she pulled open the door. Carly twisted slightly in her chair and frowned.

“Well, frick, I didn’t even get to ask her if she finished the sketch for Morgan’s nursery. I want to paint his name on the wall, and she said she’d work on something arty for me.” She pursed her lip. “Well…now that I’ve docked myself here, I’m going to annoy you for at least ten minutes to make this trip worth it.”

Jason sighed and sat on the sofa. “Nothing new there, Carly.”

“Did Muffin show you the colors she picked out for Cady’s room?” Carly asked.

“Are you ever going to stop calling her that?” Jason asked, ignoring her. “She has a name, Carly.”

“Bah. She likes it, I think. It’s our thing.” She narrowed her eyes. “I thought you guys settled things, that you were on the same page about the baby.”

“I’m still not having is conversation with you,” Jason told her. He barely wanted to have this conversation with himself much less Carly, but she was, as she’d put it, docked in his living room and it wasn’t as though he could physically kick her out.

“I swear to God, Jason Morgan, if you screw this up after I’ve gone to the trouble of working the Muffin into my life, I will never let you hear the end of it,” Carly snarled. She pointed her index finger at him. “Do you understand me? I bonded with the woman. She’s designing my nursery. I helped her with the colors for hers. I bought her freaking baby clothes. I did everything you and Sonny wanted me to do, and—”

“Carly, it’s okay if you like Elizabeth. Most people do,” Jason interrupted, ignoring the purpose of her rant and just enjoying Carly’s annoyance. “It’s not a bad thing to make a friend.”

“Oh, piss off.” Carly narrowed her eyes. “Oh, no, Jason. I see what you did there. Trying to lull me into a sense of security by insulting me so I won’t notice you’re avoiding me again. Damn it, Jason, are you going to make me say it straight out? Again? How many times do I have to tell you that the only person screwing your relationship up this time is you?” She scowled. “And you know I hate to take her side, but frick it, I don’t have a choice—”

“Do you want me to help you up?” Jason said blandly. Carly’s scowl only intensified, and then he was mildly horrified to see her eyes were almost glossy. “Carly—”

“You think I’m stupid? That I don’t get it?” She dug her elbows into the armchair, trying to hoist herself to her feet. Reflexively, Jason hauled her up. “You want the Muffin to stay, but you’re pretty sure she won’t. Which means you’ll watch another mother take another child you love away from you.”

Because he was annoyed to discover Carly did, in fact, get it, he just shook his head. “I told you, Carly—”

“You have to have this conversation with someone, Jason.” Carly braced a hand at her back. “Because if you don’t, you’re going to get exactly what you deserve. No mother should ever feel like her child is a burden or obligation. After everything I put you through with Michael, you never made me once feel like you regretted it. You hated what I did, what Robin did, but I know you. You’d do it all over again.”

Jason swallowed hard. “Carly—”

“So why do I rate that kind of consideration, but the woman you’re stupid about doesn’t?” Tears were sliding out of Carly’s eyes, and she swiped angrily at them. “You see what happens? I’m crying over goddamn Elizabeth Muffin Webber.” She started across the room, but turned at the door. “You deserve everything you get if you keep making her feel like her baby isn’t good enough. And if I’m wrong, and it’s not because of Michael, but because of Ric Lansing, well, then…” She huffed. “You don’t deserve her anyway. Which only pisses me off more.”

She opened the door, stepped gingerly out into the hallway, and then slammed it behind her.

Corinthos-Morgan Coffee Warehouse: Sonny’s Office

Sonny Corinthos had a pisser of a headache brewing and the reason for it stood in his office, clutching his laptop to his chest with one hand, a sheaf of papers in the other, and a goddamn beanie cap on his head. He knew he wasn’t a good person, but what had he ever done to deserve Damien Spinelli?

“So, Mr. Sir, as I had previously stated, the shell companies were quite well hidden, and it was only through the talent of the Jackal that I was able to—”

Sonny cut off the rambling young man with a hand and looked at Jason. “Long story short. I read Spinelli’s report. I read it five times. I still don’t understand this bullshit. He doesn’t listen to me when I tell him to speak English. I’m hoping you’ll scare him.”

Jason, who looked worn out, rubbed his eyes and turned his best lethal glare on Spinelli. The other man gulped and cleared his throat. “Yes, Stone Cold, sir. The shell companies that were receiving the siphoned funds from the casinos were very complicated, and I managed to track them back to the Lansing family out of Crimson Pointe.”

Sonny had the sudden urge to slam his head into the desk. Fucking Lansing family. Fucking Crimson Pointe. Fucking Anthony goddamn Zacchara. He was a crazy son of a bitch and made Sonny look like the poster child for mental health. “So it was Trevor Lansing, and therefore, Zacchara.”

“Not necessarily, Mr. Sir,” Spinelli bobbed his head. “The Lansing holdings are enormously diverse and therefore I am still untangling which member of the family owns what. Several of the shell companies appeared to go right to Richard Lansing, while one or two of them passed through Trevor Lansing’s hands before being transferred first to one Anthony Zacchara, then back to Richard Lansing. I cannot say at this time who makes the final decisions.”

Jason folded her arms and scowled. “Will you be able to at some point? You’re supposed to be good at this.”

Spinelli drew himself up, indignant. “I will have you know that the Jackal is unsurpassed in cyberspace, but I cannot create records or databases that simply do not exist. I have to hack into Swiss bank accounts and offshore Caymans to pinpoint the exact withdrawer of the finds. This is not a point and click operation.” He coughed. “Sir. I should know by the end of the week. I humbly apologize for the—”

“Ah, stop talking or I’m going to shoot you,” Sonny muttered, covering his face with his hands. “Go away. Drink all the orange soda you can get your hands on and come back and tell me if which son of a bitch is gunning for me.”

“I will accede to your wishes, Mr. Sir.” Spinelli looked at Jason. “Stone Cold, sir.” And with that, the computer hacker had disappeared out of the office.

“I think Stan was fucking with me when he put me in touch with this bastard,” Sonny all but moaned. “Because, sure, he knows what he’s doing, but I’ll end up murdering him in the process.” He stabbed a finger at Jason. “And you’re gonna testify on my behalf, Jase. You’re going to tell them I was provoked.”

“He didn’t give us much to work with,” Jason sighed, lowering himself into a chair. “But it’s something to keep in mind. None of the Families have been as helpful as we’d hoped they’d be, but the Zaccharas even less.”

“Trevor doesn’t like me because of my mother.” Sonny rubbed his bottom lip. “Tell you what—knowing the connection between my mother and Lansing helps me understand why Zacchara’s always been a pain in my ass. Always more difficult than it needs to be with negotiations. Bastard’s been after me for years.”

“But he’s been content to stick it to you in small ways,” Jason pointed out. “He apparently gets more satisfaction from needling you rather than going after you the way Ric apparently did.”

“True.” Sonny sighed. “Still no closer to tracking that bastard down. I’d be a lot happier if I could watch him sink to the bottom of the harbor.” Suddenly he felt every inch of his nearly forty years. “If I had just let you kill him after what we found out about Carly, Elizabeth wouldn’t be going through this. She must be going insane, stuck in that penthouse.”

“She negotiated her way into lunch with her grandmother today,” Jason admitted. “For two hours. I got a call from Dominic before I came in that she was home. But yeah, she’s starting to get antsy.”

“She good otherwise?” Sonny asked. “Health wise?”

“Fine,” Jason said, and Sonny was surprised by the edge in his tone.

“You sure? You don’t sound like she’s fine.” Sonny crossed to the mini bar and poured himself some water. “Carly wants to drag her out for baby furniture this week. I want them to sit in the penthouse with a computer so they can order online—”

“Why can’t either of you just drop it?” Jason demanded. “I get it. Neither one of you think I’m doing anything right. I’m a complete failure. I don’t need you two to double team me.”

Sonny blinked, his water in his hand. “Ah…I’m not sure what you mean, Jase. It’s called conversation.”

“You think I don’t know what the situation is?” Jason dug the heel of his hand into his eye. “I live with it every day. I know I messed this up, just like I did last year. I get it. I do not want you or Carly shoving it in my face—”

“Um.” Sonny turned his head slightly, trying to understand what was going on here. Clearly, Jason was having a bit of temper tantrum. He didn’t even know that was possible. “I’m sorry?” he offered.

“Whatever.” Jason grabbed a stack of files. “I’m going home.”

“Okay,” Sonny drawled and watched his best friend all but stomp out of the room. Well, what the hell crawled up his ass and died?

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

“Don’t stop. Don’t ever stop.”

Sonny grinned and dug his thumb into the arch of his wife’s foot. “Rough day?”

“Boring day.” Carly tilted her head back against the arm of the sofa, her feet in Sonny’s lap. She closed her eyes. “I went to Jason’s to nag the Muffin, but she was being granted parole for a few hours. I yelled at Jason and came home to buy more clothes. Sonny, you never should have shown me how to shop online. It’s going to be a problem.”

“We’ll have to build another closet,” Sonny mused. He continued his massage. “What’d you yell at Jason about? He seemed tense.”

“You know how you told me to stay out of it?” Carly said with a sigh. “I hate to say this, maybe you were right. I thought I was helping. I didn’t do anything. There were no tapes, no wires, no outside forces. I just…told Jason he was making Elizabeth miserable about her pregnancy. And when I saw her setting up a nursery, I thought he’d heard me. That I was getting through to him, but I don’t know, Sonny.” She leaned up on her elbows to meet his eyes. “I think I’ve nagged him too much, and he’s digging in his heels.”

“I think Jason will straighten this out without our help,” Sonny said. “He managed to get this far—”

“But he didn’t, Sonny.” Carly huffed and laid back down, staring at the ceiling as Sonny’s fingers stilled on her ankle. “Elizabeth told me that she’s brought up all the changes. That the day after she moved in, she’s the one that insisted they start dealing with their garbage. That she’s always the one to bring up the future. And he caught her going through baby clothes she was stashing in the closet, so she figured he felt guilty.”

Sonny paused. “Elizabeth is confiding in you a lot.”

“Bite me, bastard. I’m not thrilled about it either, but this is my life now. I figured Jason was going to keep her this time. She’s having a baby, he loves babies, he…” Her nose wrinkled. “He…loves her, I guess. If we can use that word. They’re sleeping together. So I figured I should…not chase her away. It never kept her away, so it was just a waste of energy. So I gave her a chance, and I just…” Damn hormones, because she felt tears burning in her eyes again. “I see how I felt when I was pregnant with Michael. When I was pregnant with our first son. Desperate. Trying to make a better life for myself, making mistakes everywhere I turned. I was so sure that you didn’t want the baby, or that you wanted it with anyone but me.”

“You sympathize with her,” Sonny said. She scowled at him, opening her eyes and raising her head. “It’s not a horrible thing, Carly. You found yourself pregnant with my child, when we hated one another, when I used you to make a point to Jason. I know…” He hesitated. “I know you doubted going through with it.”

“I did,” Carly sighed. “But I was never sorry that I had. And I know Elizabeth must have thought about not doing it either, but…” She squeezed her eyes shut. “Sonny, what if we’re wrong and the reason Jason isn’t talking about a future with Elizabeth and the baby isn’t because of Michael.”

“You think it’s because of Ric?” Sonny said. He sighed, absently tracing circles on her ankle. “I’ve wondered. I love Michael as my own son, and I know Jason did. Still does, I’m sure. But maybe it’s harder when you look at the woman you love having a child that was conceived with a man you loathe during a period of time you were separated. Do you think he thinks the baby is a mistake?”

“I want to say no,” Carly said softly. “I want to believe that Jason still holds true to what he used to say. A baby is a person. He doesn’t belong to anyone, but himself. He used to say that he wanted to protect Michael from the Quartermaines until he was old enough to make his own choices, until Michael could decide to have AJ for himself. I remember how perfect he was with Michael, how much he loved this little boy that wasn’t his, that he always knew wasn’t biologically his. I’ve known children who weren’t loved as well by their actual parents the way Jason loved Michael. So…how can you think he wouldn’t feel that way about Elizabeth’s child?”

“I’m not saying it has to make sense,” Sonny sighed. “I’m saying that maybe Jason doesn’t even understand it. I think it’s more about not wanting to lose another child. I don’t think he believes he and Elizabeth are going to last.”

“But why?” Carly again leaned up on her elbows. “Believe me, I’ve tried to get rid of her, but she keeps popping back up, so I figure she wants to be in it for the long haul. I see the way she talks about him, you know, and I get it. I see them working, so why can’t he?”

“I wish I knew,” Sonny said. “But Carly, it’s not our job to fix their problems. To make them go away.”

“Why not?” Carly demanded. “Jason always fixes mine. Why shouldn’t it be my job to do it for him? I just want him to be happy, you know. Because I hurt him so much, and I can’t ever make that go away. I can’t ever take back letting him fall in love with Michael, with running to the Quartermaines and calling him a kidnapper, with marrying AJ…sleeping with you. I can’t take those things back, so I have to give him something else to make up for it. I have make sure he’s happy.”

“Carly—”

“I tried, I really. I thought Courtney would work. She seemed…well, I don’t know. She seemed okay, and I could put up with her. I figured that would be good, if I could tolerate the woman in his life so he’d stay my friend. Elizabeth never liked me, so maybe he would have distanced himself from me if she’d stayed, but Courtney was your sister. She couldn’t take Jason away. So I thought they’d work and I pressured them both. But she wasn’t right for him.”

“No, she wasn’t, but Carly—”

“I know it’s selfish, but I want him to be happy so I can forgive myself for everything I did to him. You get it, right? If he’s happy, then I didn’t break him for good.”

“Carly, you didn’t break Jason—”

“No?” Carly demanded. “Then explain to me why he has everything he wants in his reach and he’s doing everything he can to destroy it? If that’s not someone I broke, I don’t know what is.”

I grieve in my condition for
I cannot find the words to say I need you so
Oh and every time I’m close to you
There’s too much I can’t say
And you just walk away
And I forgot to tell you
I love you
– I Love You, Sarah McLachlan

Tuesday, October 7, 2003

General Hospital: Hallway

Nadine handed Elizabeth a water from the vending machines and sat next to her in the small waiting area outside the maternity ward. “I was surprised Jason didn’t come with you today.”

Elizabeth sighed and twisted the cap off. Despite all the strides forward, Jason had only been to that one doctor’s appointment in June, though she knew he hadn’t missed the last few out of choice. It seemed every time her appointment approached, there were a dozen things he needed to do, and even hinting to Sonny about the appointments in hopes that he could clear Jason’s schedule in time hadn’t worked.

“There’s a lot he’s dealing with,” she said after a long sip. “I don’t hold it against him. It’s not like he’s missing much. I told you about his accident, right?” When Nadine nodded, she continued. “He has trouble seeing images sometimes. I can explain it to him, and that helps. I can point out where the arms and legs are, but all he can really see is a blob and the heartbeat.”

“Oh.” Nadine wrinkled her nose. “Well, that sucks for you, though.”

“It’s okay.” And it really was. Elizabeth had decided not to stress about the things she could not accept. She might want Jason’s support at these appointments, but she wasn’t going to ask him anymore, not after making it clear early on that she hoped he’d join her. He’d been here when she learned she was having a girl, so she’d cling to that. “Things are mostly fine…but I’m thinking about after the baby’s born.” Absently, Elizabeth pressed her hand over her abdomen as Cady kicked. “I can’t live with Jason forever—”

“Sure you can. If you’re in love and a family, that’s kind of the thing to do,” Nadine said.

“I think I’m running out of time to that to be true.” Elizabeth twisted slightly in her chair to face her friend. “I’m not…I think I’m pinning too much on hoping things being different after I have the baby…that Jason will look into her face, and not think about…” She hesitated. “That he won’t see how she got here, but just love her for who she is.”

Nadine pursed her lips. “This is one of those situations where the details get glossed. Okay. So basically, you think Jason doesn’t love your daughter right now. I can understand why you might think that. I’ve only seen him here once, and you told me you didn’t bring the baby up much in conversation until he suggested picking out a room for the nursery…but has he ever really give you a solid reason to doubt him?”

“You mean, is there something he’s said that makes me think he doesn’t love her the way a father would?” Elizabeth hesitated and thought about the question, because it was a fair one. “I guess…it’s the little things. When I talk about how it’s going to be in the future, it’s like…there’s this part of him that doesn’t think we have one—”

“No, no.” Nadine waved a hand. “That’s you again. You’re projecting what you think he thinks onto his actions. I’m saying…has he done something solid to doubt him?”

“He told me that we had to be realistic,” Elizabeth said slowly. “That we might not work.”

“Well, that’s not cheerful, but it’s not really evidence.” Nadine leaned forward. “Elizabeth, do you love him?”

“Yes,” Elizabeth admitted, wrinkling her nose.

“Does he love you?”

“He’s never said it…” She tilted her head to the side, remembering all the other things he’d never said. “But…I think he does. Sometimes he looks at me…” She smiled now. “The first time…after the pool table—”

“Which I still hate you for.”

“—he looked at me…” Elizabeth looked at her hands. “And I just…thought…if I could hold on to that look, to the way it makes me feel—like I’m the most beautiful person he’s ever seen, and he doesn’t understand why I’m standing there with him…if I could always feel that way, I’d never be unhappy again.”

“Oh, for…” Nadine huffed. “I’ll be jealous later. Here’s the advice. My aunt Rayleen used to say that love is a lot like a back ache. It may not show up on the X-rays, but you know it’s there.” When Elizabeth just laughed, Nadine reached out for her hand. “It sounds like you guys have trust issues. Love is amazing, but it’s not enough if you don’t talk about it.”

Elizabeth smiled, and then got to her feet. “You’re right. You’re always right about this stuff, you know. You’ve been telling me all summer to talk to him, but—”

As they started down the hallway towards the main waiting area and elevator, Nadine said, “I get it. It’s scary. You want to believe that if you don’t talk about it, that your problems will work out on their own. I don’t know, maybe you’re right. Maybe Cady will be born, and he’ll hold her for the first time, and it’ll all come together. It’s totally possible.”

“It’s what I’m pinning my hopes on,” Elizabeth admitted. “But I’m also being practical about what comes next. Even if Jason and I do work things out for the better, I still need a job. My grandmother has been extolling the virtues of the nursing program, and I…” She smiled, thinking of that winter in the studio, “have some experience caring for a sick person.”

“You’d be good at it, and hey, we could hang out all the time.”

It wasn’t until a day or so later that Elizabeth realized she should have been paying more attention to her surroundings, but she was so comfortable at the hospital, and felt secure there that she didn’t realize Dominic wasn’t standing at the doorway to the stairwell as he usually did during her appointments.

As she and Nadine passed the doorway, it flew open and a man in dark clothes and a ski mask rushed out. Elizabeth and Nadine froze for a moment, allowing the man to shove a cloth in her face, with a sickly sweet smell. Before Elizabeth could think to fight, her vision blurred and tilted at the sides.

General Hospital: Nurse’s Station

“Help! Someone help!”

Emily heard the screams from the hallway and saw Elizabeth’s guard rushing from the elevator towards it. She, too, dropped the charts in her hands and followed Cody. At her heels, Patrick Drake, one of the new residents, passed by her with his longer legs.

They rounded the corner and Emily stumbled to a stop, gasping when she saw Elizabeth crumpled on the ground and Nadine Crowell on the back of a man dressed in black, holding on to him with one arm around his neck and whacking him with a clipboard with her free hand.

“Help!” Nadine screeched. The man threw her off, and she went flying backwards into the wall. He rushed down the stairs, and Cody went straight after him. Ignoring all of that, Emily and Patrick flew to Elizabeth’s side. Emily reached for her pulse as Patrick rolled her to so Elizabeth was lying on her back. Around them, more doctors were swarming.

“She’s got a pulse.” Emily closed her eyes, feeling relief spread in her veins.

“He shoved something in her face,” Nadine said, panting as she crawled towards them.

“Someone get me a stretcher and a free room!” Patrick barked. He looked at Emily. “Do you know her?”

“E-Elizabeth Webber. She must have…” Emily swallowed hard. “She must have had an appointment with Kelly.”

Patrick looked at one of the other nurses just staring at them and snapped his fingers. “Find me that damn room and page Kelly Lee.” He looked around and spied a white cloth. He reached for it and grimaced before it was even close to him. “Chloroform.”

Alan and Monica were there, then, and the stretcher appeared. With Patrick and another orderly’s help, Elizabeth was lifted on the stretcher, and Patrick started to roll her towards the room they’d freed up.

“Emily!” Monica grabbed her daughter’s arm. “What happened?”

“Someone attacked her.” Emily looked at Nadine, who was wincing. “Nadine, you should get looked at. He threw you pretty hard.”

“He threw…” Alan repeated, looking at the blonde nurse in confusion. “What the hell happened here?”

“He grabbed her,” Nadine said, rubbing the small of her back. “She passed out, but I guess he wasn’t thinking about how difficult it might be to drag a pregnant woman into a stairwell, so I smacked him with my clipboard. He was distracted enough to let go of her and then I…” She blinked and swayed a little. Emily reached out and held her steady. “Um…I guess I actually jumped on his back and kept hitting him.”

“My God.” Monica pressed a hand to her mouth, trembling. “Where were her guards?”

“Cody ran past me after the guy,” Emily told her parents, and then frowned. “But…the other one. I don’t know his name.” She looked at Nadine. “Where…?”

“I…” Nadine stepped towards the stairwell, and pushed the door open. It was empty. “I don’t know.”

“We’d better call Jason,” Alan said firmly. “He needs to be here with her.”

General Hospital: Elevator

For the second time in a span of mere months, Jason Morgan found himself cursing at an elevator slowing him down from getting to Elizabeth, who’d just been attacked.

At his side, Sonny was visibly shaken. They’d never seriously thought Elizabeth would be in danger at the hospital, but a panicked call first from Monica that Elizabeth had been attacked and was being admitted for observation followed by Cody who’d lost the assailant in the stairwell and found Dominic bleeding from a head wound one flight down had cured them of that.

“I’m not letting her out of my sight for the rest of my life,” Sonny muttered and jabbed at the buttons as if that would make this goddamn car move faster. “That’s it. We’re assigning guards to surround her from back and front, side to side. She’ll barely be able to move, but I’ll be satisfied.”

Jason ignored his friend’s mutterings, because he knew he was to blame for this. He’d wanted to go to her doctor’s appointment today, he really had, but there’d been another damn shipment problem and she’d just smiled at him, told him not to worry. It was just routine.

Never again.

Finally, the damn doors opened and Jason, for the first time that he could remember, was relieved to find his parents standing by the nurse’s station, his sister hovering nervously around them. He strode forward. “Where is she? Is she okay?”

“Her OB is with her, and one of our residents has been assigned to the case.” Monica hesitantly touched his arm. “But Kelly and Patrick think she’s fine.” She gestured to Emily. “Emily was there when it happened.”

“Em?” Jason turned his eyes on his sister, for the first time in months. “What happened?”

“I heard screaming,” Emily said, her face pale. He saw her hands shaking as she pushed her hair out of her face. “Her guard at the elevator was already running towards the hallway at that point, and Nadine was whacking the crap out of the guy. He must have figured he was out of options once he heard all the commotion, because he threw her…”

“The guy got out of the hospital,” Alan growled. “I’m so sorry, Jason. I thought…between the both of us, that I had covered all the bases, but there was a service stairwell that didn’t have any cameras working. He got out the door just before we called the lockdown.”

“I know.” Jason exhaled slowly and exchanged a glance with Sonny, because further dissection of this mess was going to have to wait. “Thank you…I know you’ve taken Elizabeth’s safety seriously.” He looked at Emily. “Thanks, Emily.”

“You should thank Nadine Crowell,” Emily told him. “She bruised her back when they threw her and we think she might have a concussion, but she was hitting him, keeping him from dragging Elizabeth away.”

“I just…” Jason forced himself to be calm even though he wanted to come out of his skin. “I need to see Elizabeth.”

“Of course.” Monica took his arm and started to lead him away.

Alan cleared his throat and looked at Sonny with annoyance, but concern for his grandchild outweighed his hatred. “Unfortunately, the cops are involved, Sonny. There was nothing I could do about that. Mac and Taggart are questioning the staff as we speak. Your guard with the head injury was admitted for stitches and observation. The other one isn’t speaking until his lawyer gets here.”

Sonny rubbed his forehead. Goddamn nightmare. “Thanks. I’ll…take care of it. Ah, if there are any damages, let me know. I really…” He shook his head. “I never wanted to bring this to the hospital. We thought…”

“”Well, you live a violent life, it touches everything,” Alan said with an edge, because he just couldn’t contain himself. “I pray to God you do a better job of protecting my grandchild than you have Elizabeth so far.”

General Hospital: Elizabeth’s Room

Monica pushed open the door and Jason entered to find Elizabeth’s doctor, Kelly, standing next to a tall, dark-haired man he’d never met before. “Kelly, Patrick, this is my son, Jason. He’s Elizabeth’s…” She hesitated and looked at her son with trepidation, not knowing how to explain this.

“I’ve met Jason,” Kelly said quickly. She nodded. “Elizabeth was given a dose of chloroform, which didn’t knock her out because you need at least five minutes for that to work. However, she was apparently woozy from it, so when he released her, she was dizzy, tripped and hit her head as she fell.”

Jason closed his eyes, and fisted his hands at his side. “How bad?” he asked. “Is…” He looked at her, lying unconscious in the bed in a hospital gown, her face pale and stark against the sheets. “Will she be all right? And…the baby?”

“I’m going to run a CT to be safe,” the other doctor said. “But we don’t think it’s going to be a problem, concussion wise. She’ll be sore when she wakes up, but otherwise…” He looked at Kelly, who nodded.

“And we did a quick ultrasound. Everything looks good.” She made a notation in her chart. “So don’t worry, Daddy. Baby Girl Morgan is as healthy now as she was an hour ago at the appointment. We’re keeping her overnight, just to be on the safe side.”

When Jason said nothing, but moved past them to sit in the chair by Elizabeth’s side, Monica smiled at them. “Thanks, Kelly. Patrick. We’ll take care of it from here. Let me know how Nadine is doing.”

Jason turned at that though. “Nadine? The nurse who was with her? Can I…can she have a visitor?”

“Ah….” Monica looked at Patrick. “How’s she feeling?”

“She’s resting now, but she wanted me to update her on Elizabeth as soon as possible.” Patrick looked at Jason. “You can see her for a minute or two, but she took a pretty good whack in the head when the guy threw her against the wall.”

“I’ll take you in a moment, after Patrick has a chance to check on her. Nadine’s just across the hall,” Monica told Jason. She smiled again as the two doctors exited the room. “Is there anything you need, Jason?”

“No.” But he looked at her. “Thank you. For everything.”

General Hospital: Nadine’s Room

After almost ten minutes, Patrick poked his head back in the room to let Monica know he was done examining Nadine, so she took Jason across the hall where the normally perky nurse was lying in her own hospital bed, looking annoyed.

“Dr. Quartermaine, can’t you make them let me out of this bed?” Nadine demanded. “My head only hurts a little…” She winced. “And my back is basically fine. Nothing a hot bath wouldn’t cure—”

“Suck it up, Nurse Crowell,” Monica said with a fond smile. She patted her hand. “Jason wanted to have a chance to talk to you and then Patrick said you’re staying overnight to be sure your concussion doesn’t worsen.”

“Bah.” Nadine let her head fall back against the pillows.

“Monica, can you sit with Elizabeth in case she wakes up?” Jason asked. Monica nodded and left the room. Jason hesitated and stood at the end of the nurse’s bed, his hands in his pockets. “I…wanted to tell you thank you.”

Nadine shrugged. “Not a problem. She’s my friend, too. The first one I’ve made here, so—”

“I know you did it for her,” Jason cut in. “But…” He swallowed hard. “If anything had happened to her, to the baby…” He shook his head, not knowing exactly what to say. “I’m glad you weren’t hurt more seriously.”

“Me, too.” Nadine sighed. “If I’d had time, I would have gone for the fire extinguisher. One good whack of that and he’d be knocked out, we’d have him and you guys would know what he was up to. But, no, I just had a stupid clipboard.” She closed her eyes. “My head is on fire, though.”

“I’ll leave you alone, then, but…” Jason paused. “If there’s anything you need, you just let me know.” He nodded at Elizabeth’s friend again and then made his way across the hall.

General Hospital: Nurse’s Station

Emily watched as Patrick stepped into the hub and slid a chart into the holder. “Hey…Elizabeth and Nadine are okay?”

“As okay as two assault victims can be,” Patrick muttered, reaching for another chart. “What kind of insane person comes into a hospital and tries to kidnap a pregnant woman? How many types of dumb do you have to be?” He hesitated. “I’ve only lived in Port Charles for five minutes, but even I’ve heard the rumors about Jason Morgan and his pregnant girlfriend. Who tries to kidnap his girlfriend?”

“Someone with a death wish,” Kelly mused. “He looked pretty torn up about it. Guess I was wrong about him not giving a damn.” When Patrick just frowned at her, Kelly shrugged. “He’s never at the appointments. Number one indicator of uninvolved daddy.”

“But doesn’t she have guards?” Patrick asked. “I saw that one guy by the elevator.”

“She has two, usually,” Emily murmured. “They cover the exits between Kelly’s office and the elevator so no one gets near her…” She hesitated.

So there’s no way I could get near her to apologize.

“Em?” Kelly tapped her on the arm. “You okay? I know you and Elizabeth used to be pretty close until you guys were fighting last spring.” She clucked her tongue. “Must have been difficult to see her going through that.”

“Yeah…” Emily cleared her throat. “You guys talked to the cops yet?”

“Yeah, some annoying bastard named Taggart grabbed me after I came out of Nadine’s room,” Patrick reached for a new chart. “Wanted me to tell him everything I know about Sonny Corinthos and Jason Morgan. I told him I met the babydaddy for about five seconds. Long enough to tell him the condition of the patient and then I left. I didn’t even really see the incident.”

Maybe I could get near her at the hospital…they don’t always follow her around.

“Quartermaine!”

Emily blinked and looked at the charge nurse for the floor, Epiphany Johnson, as the heavy set woman tapped her finger. “Yeah?”

“You got rounds or you gonna stand there all day?”

“Dude, aren’t you a nurse?” Patrick asked, irritated. “Do you even get to bother the med students?” When Epiphany turned a glare on him, he closed his mouth, grabbed a chart and disappeared.

“I’m going,” Emily promised.

I’m not going to sit around and wallow anymore. I’m going to start being true to myself again.

She left the hub, and shook the thoughts from her brain. It was just a coincidence, she was sure of it. Courtney was doing so well, had even started dating again. There was no way she’d had any involvement in this.

No way at all.

General Hospital: Elizabeth’s Room

Blearily, Elizabeth pushed her eyes open and blinked. Where…

When she realized she was in the hospital, she jerked fully awake, and stiffened, raising herself up partially on her elbow. “What’s going on?”

“Whoa…” Jason stood up from his chair and pushed her hair off her forehead. “Hey, hey. Take it easy.”

“Jason…” Elizabeth pressed a hand to her abdomen and breathed easier when she felt Cady pushing back against her. “Cady’s okay?  She’s okay, right? I woke up, and I thought…” She closed her eyes. “What…what happened?”

“Just…relax for a second.” He pushed her shoulders back gently and then reached for the control on her bed to bring the top part up. “Patrick and Kelly want you to take it easy. You’re staying here tonight.”

“Jason, Cady’s okay?” She reached out and wrapped her fingers around his wrist. “I can feel her kicking, but…I just…she’s okay?”

“She’s perfect,” he promised her, and she saw no tension in his shoulders as he said the words. Only concern. “Kelly did an ultrasound, they ran some tests. Cady is as healthy as she was before you left her office earlier.”

Everything else could wait a moment as Elizabeth closed her eyes and nodded. “Okay. Okay. I was going to the elevator with Nadine. We were talking. I—I don’t really remember anything else…” She paused. “Someone…came out of the stairwell…?”

“What we know is that Dominic should have been at the stairs,” Jason told her. “We found him a few flights down with a head wound. The cameras were off in that stairwell, but someone hacked into the feed and looped in an older tape, showing no movement. Cody chased the guy, but he got away before Alan could lock the place down.” He took her hand in his. “He tried to disorient you with chloroform, so that you’d be dizzy and wouldn’t fight him, but he didn’t…” And she was surprised to see a slight smile on Jason’s face. “They didn’t factor in your friend Nadine.”

“What did she do? Is she okay?” Elizabeth clenched his hand. “Where is she?”

“She’s across the hall. She hit him with her clipboard, and the guy let you go. You hit your head as you feel. When he went for you again, Nadine jumped on his back, tried to choke him with one hand and kept hitting him with the other. Emily told me she heard Nadine’s screams and the cavalry came running.”

“Emily…” Elizabeth blinked. “She was here?”

“She was worried for you,” Jason admitted. “She and another resident got you to a room. Nadine has a concussion and she bruised her back, from where the guy threw her and she hit the wall.”

“Oh, my God.” Elizabeth brought her free hand to her mouth. “But she’s okay?”

“She’s okay. She’s being kept overnight like you, and is chafing at the bit about it.” Jason sighed and looked down at their joined hands. “I…I’m so sorry. I don’t know how this happened. We should have had more guards, should have had people watching the security footage.” He closed his eyes. “I should have been here. I wanted to be, you might not believe that—”

“I do believe that,” Elizabeth murmured. “Jason, you told me that any attempt to get to me here would be desperate. I tried to vary my appointments so they couldn’t predict which day I’d be here. I had guards stationed on the exits. And you might think you failed today…”

“I did fail,” Jason said firmly. “You’re in a hospital bed—”

“I am fine.” Elizabeth sighed. “Jason, the security precautions aren’t just to keep danger from coming near me, they’re to keep danger from hurting me. We know that Ric and Faith are desperate, they’d have to be. And they found a loophole—that I was alone. But they didn’t count on Nadine, or that Cody was less than fifty feet away, or that we’re surrounded by people. You didn’t fail because they never came close to taking me.”

“I…” Jason paused and frowned at her. “Elizabeth—”

“Did you think they wouldn’t try again?” Elizabeth asked. “They did. They failed. Again. And it took them months to figure out how to get to me. If they’re desperate, they’re going to start making mistakes.”

“I know everything you’re saying is right,” Jason said after a long moment. “But I didn’t want this to touch you. To hurt you.”

“At the end of the day, no one can promise that.” Elizabeth sighed and closed her eyes. “You’re sure Kelly said everything was fine?”

“I promise.” He sighed. “Your grandmother is coming by later. She was here while you were out, too. And Mac or Taggart will be here tomorrow to question you. Alan had to report it to them.”

“What do you want me to say?” Elizabeth asked. “I don’t know that much.”

“Tell them the truth,” Jason told her. “They’re not likely to find the guy, and you can tell them you think Ric took the news badly, that he threatened you back then.”

“Okay.” She opened her eyes and looked at him. “Do…you have somewhere to be…or can you stay here? I—I don’t really want to be alone tonight.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Jason told her.

There were those empty threats and hollow lies
And whenever you tried to hurt me
I just hurt you even worse
And so much deeper
There were hours that just went on for days
When alone at last we’d count up all the chances
That were lost to us forever
– It’s All Coming Back to Me Now, Celine Dion

Tuesday, November 4, 2003

General Hospital: Carly’s Room

Every single inch of Carly’s body hurt. It ached. It screamed with pain. And yet…

She looked down into the face of her newborn son and couldn’t think of a moment in her life when she’d been happier. “Look at him,” she murmured to no one in particular. “He’s so perfect.”

She felt Sonny’s soft lips against her forehead and she almost closed her eyes to savor the sensation, but if she closed her eyes, she’d miss this moment. Morgan Stone Corinthos was twenty minutes old and he was the most perfect baby on Earth.

“I missed so much of this with Michael,” Carly said softly. “I was coming out of surgery…then I had post-partum. I left him, Sonny. And even when I could finally hold him, he was kidnapped and I was in Ferncliffe for all those months. He was almost a year old before I could even be his mother.”

“That won’t happen with Morgan, Carly.” She looked up, and his eyes were glossy. “It’s going to be better this time.”

The door opened slightly, and a nurse smiled brightly. “Hey! I have some visitors for mama and son.” She stepped aside and Elizabeth stepped in, Jason just behind her. Carly grinned.

“Hey, Muffin. Come see what you get to look forward to.”

Elizabeth rolled her eyes and came to the side of the bed opposite of Sonny, Jason on her heels. “Oh, just look at him, Carly.” She reached out with her finger to touch Morgan’s soft cheek. “How beautiful he is…”

“I know. It’s a good thing you’re having a girl, because I think my baby is the most beautiful baby boy and I’d hate for us to fight over that title.” She grinned and saw Jason looking at his feet. No. Not today. This wasn’t about him today.

This was about her second chance at being a good mother from day one. “Jase, you wanna hold your namesake?”

Jason hesitated and then nodded. Elizabeth moved out of the way, so he could come closer and take Morgan from Carly. He lifted the little boy in his arms, and smiled down at him. “He looks so different from Michael,” he said after a moment.

“Yeah?” Carly said, leaning back and letting her exhausted body relax. She reached over and took Sonny’s hand in hers, clutching it to her chest. “How so? I mean, I have the pictures…but…” She bit her lip. “Not from the day he was born.”

“He was too sick for pictures,” Jason said quietly. “And there…wasn’t anyone there really. I didn’t…” He cleared his throat. “I should have.” He hesitated. “Michael had lighter coloring, I think.”

“You can already tell Morgan’s going to take after Sonny,” Elizabeth volunteered, leaning up to peer at the baby. “His hair is already dark.”

“It might change,” Jason told her, glancing at her. “Michael had dark hair at first, but then it lightened to red.”

Carly saw Elizabeth’s face dim slightly as she watched Jason talk about Michael’s first days with a smile on his face, recalling his first moments as Michael’s father, and she knew what the other woman was thinking. Where was this love and affection for her child? Carly cleared her throat, and forced a smile. “Jason, let the Muffin have him for a minute. Let her get some practice.”

And it was sad how awkward the moment was as Jason gently laid Morgan in Elizabeth’s arms, and waited for her to support his head before letting his hands fall away. “I have to say,” Carly said, ignoring the tension in the air, “I’m annoyed that you’re starting your ninth month and you still aren’t as large as I was. It’s appalling.”

“Liz is…” Sonny coughed delicately. “Well, she’s shorter than you. You know.” Carly narrowed her eyes at him, and he smiled innocently. She knew what the bastard was saying. Elizabeth was a petite little angel, and Carly was a svelte cow. He’d pay for that later.

“He’s so light,” Elizabeth murmured, staring down at Morgan. “I haven’t really held that many babies, but I guess I thought he’d weigh more.” She looked up at Carly. “He’s so beautiful.”

Sonny nudged her and Carly remembered what they’d talked about. “Oh…uh, Sonny and I discussed it and we thought…um…” She cleared her throat. “I’d like it if you were Morgan’s godparents.” She flicked her eyes between them. “Both of you.”

Elizabeth blinked, clearly stunned. “Carly….I don’t know what to say.”

“Believe me, Muffin, this isn’t exactly what I thought would happen when I got pregnant,” Carly said dryly. “But we are where we are in life. Morgan is going to be Cady’s cousin. I don’t want you to ever think that just because…” She cast a glance at Jason, whose face was set in a mask. Frick it. “I don’t want you to ever think that because Ric is biologically her father that it matters to me or to Sonny. All we’re going to see is our niece. Morgan and Michael’s cousin. A little girl we’re going to love to pieces. Whether you like it or not.”

Elizabeth closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them, they were shining with tears and even a little anguish. “Thank you, Carly. I can’t speak for Jason, but it would be an honor to be Morgan’s godmother.”

“Jase?” Carly asked, looking at him. “Will you be his godfather?”

“Yeah.” Jason cleared his throat. “Yeah, Carly. I will. Thank you.”

“Good. Gimme my baby.” Carly held out her arms, and Jason engineered the exchange as Elizabeth couldn’t lean in towards Carly very far.

“I already asked Sonny to be Cady’s godfather,” Elizabeth said hesitantly, looking at Carly’s husband, who was smiling. “Because I…feel the way you do. That Sonny is her uncle, and that he’d love her anyway. But I hadn’t…really decided about a godmother.” She paused. “I think I hoped Emily and I would be speaking by then, and I thought maybe Nadine…but it’s clear to me that it should be you, Carly.”

Oh, hell. She was going to cry now. “Oh…I…” she cleared her throat.

“It surprised the crap out of me,” Elizabeth continued with a shaky laugh, “but you’ve been my rock during this, and I can’t think of anyone who’d love her more.”

“Well, frick, Muffin…” Carly sniffled. Damn these hormones. “This is an odd turn of events.”

“You’re telling me.” Elizabeth wiped at her tears. “I guess I always figured there was a reason Jason kept you around, but it wasn’t until this summer that I actually understood it.”

Carly glanced at her best friend, and sighed when she saw the discomfort on his face. “What is this magical reason? Maybe Jason wants to enlighten me.”

“Because it’s easier to be your friend than to kick you out?” Jason offered with a hesitant smile. Carly scowled. “No…Elizabeth is right.” He wrapped an arm around Elizabeth’s shoulders and looked at Carly. “Even when you annoy me, I know you…mean well.”

“Hmm…” She’d take what she’d get. “So it’s settled. Let’s stop this sappy crap about us, and let’s concentrate on my beautiful perfect son.”

“Yours?” Sonny lifted his eyebrows.

“Listen, pal, I just shoved this kid out of my body. Damn right, mine.”

Saturday, November 9, 2003

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

“Let me just grab this one thing,” Elizabeth said, standing at the doorway to the penthouse and smiling over her shoulder at Nadine. “It’s a present for Morgan, and then we’ll head over to Carly’s so you can meet him.”

Nadine grinned. “I’m going to go meet the local godfather’s new son. It’s a crazy life I lead, Liz. I’m telling you.” She examined her hands. “Can I use the bathroom at your place? I’m not sure I got all the sauce off my hands from Eli’s.”

“Sure.” Elizabeth flashed a smile at Francis, who stood by the door, and then pushed her door open.

“Surprise!”

Elizabeth blinked at the room she’d left only two hours ago to see it covered in decorations and filled with women. “Oh…my God.” She pressed a hand to her mouth. Her grandmother stood by the sofa with a beaming smile, while Carly and Morgan were seated. Bobbie, Monica, Penny, Kelly and several of her grandmother’s friends—her eyes watered when she saw Gail Baldwin, her old counselor, standing near the windows.

“Surprised?” Nadine said from behind her. She stepped inside and reached over to the desk to grab a few things. She placed a sash over Elizabeth’s chest, proclaiming her to be Queen for the Day, and then a plastic tiara on her head.

“I am…” Elizabeth shook her head. “Beyond words.”

Audrey strode forward and took her granddaughter’s hands in her own. “I’m so glad, Darling. We hoped we could surprise you.” She pulled her over to a rocking chair decorated with streamers and balloons at the base of the stairs. “Do you recognize this?”

“Gramps’ chair,” Elizabeth murmured, running her hand across the back. A tear slid down her cheek. “Gram…”

“Sit, sit.” Audrey held the chair still while Nadine held Elizabeth’s hand as she lowered herself into the chair. “So, just to make sure credit is given where it’s due…Nadine was obviously in charge of keeping you occupied and supplied refreshments, I gathered the guests, while Carly handled the decorations.”

Elizabeth found Carly’s annoyed look, recognizing it as one she often had herself, when she realized that somewhere along the way she and Carly had gone from being enemies to uneasy allies to family. “Five minutes out of the hospital?” she arched an eyebrow.”

“Ha. I got this stuff together weeks ago,” Carly said. “And then I made Jason, Sonny and Max hang it. It’s my revenge for nine months of health food.” She snorted.

“Thank you.” Elizabeth looked around at the room and refused to be sad that Emily wasn’t there. Though she knew Emily had been around in the days after her botched kidnapping, she hadn’t spoken to her. “Thank you all for coming.”

“I know people generally do games and whatnot,” Nadine said. “And I thought about it, but I figured it wasn’t your type of thing, so we set up a buffet for snacks and drinks and you get to open some gifts.”

“I like gifts,” Elizabeth said with a bright smile. “Do I get to start now?”

“Absolutely!” Audrey reached for a large box, and Monica stood.

“That’s from myself and Lila, sweetheart,” she said. “Lila wanted to be here, but with the weather…”

“Oh, it’s not even a problem.” Elizabeth hesitated, feeling uncomfortable with Monica’s obvious excitement, but she pushed it away. She carefully unwrapped the beautifully wrapped gift. Tossing the paper aside, she waited while Nadine stabilized the box on her lap so she could pull off the top.

Inside was a beautiful white dress made from lace and silk, with a matching bonnet. She looked up at Monica, who smiled. “It was Lila’s christening gown. Her mother wore it as well, so it’s quite old. I believe it was handmade in 1887, in London where Lila’s family is from. So Lila wore it, then Tracy.” She hesitated. “And Tracy was the last Quartermaine girl to be born in to the family. I know…” She shifted slightly. “I know that your daughter is going to be a Morgan, but in Lila’s heart…”

“Monica…” Elizabeth pressed a hand to her mouth, wishing that she was worthy of such a gift. She cleared her throat. “I know…I know Jason would agree with me, that any daughter of his is part of Lila’s family, so of course…” She pressed her eyes closed, but a few tears slid down her cheeks. “This is…so beautiful. I promise to take very good care of it, so the next Quartermaine girl can enjoy it.”

“And there’s something else in the box, from me.” Monica nodded.

Elizabeth set the dress back inside and found a velvet case underneath some tissue paper. She handed the box to Nadine who set it on the desk to keep it safe. Elizabeth opened the case to find a single strand of pearls. “I…” She looked up at her friend’s mother with trepidation. “These are beautiful…”

“It’s another tradition from Edward’s side of the family,” Monica said. “When Lila had Alan, Edward’s mother gave her a strand of pearls and told her that they ought to be passed down to the mother of Lila’s first born grandchild.” She took a deep breath. “So Lila gave these to me after AJ was born. I’m not sure why she didn’t give them to Tracy.” She slid a glance at Carly who only lifted an eyebrow. “I…considered giving these to Carly,” she admitted, looking at the blonde, “but it never felt right.”

“It’s fine,” Carly shrugged.

Satisfied, Monica turned back to Elizabeth. “But when Jason came to tell me personally that you two were having a child, I…it felt right to finally pass these on.”

Elizabeth looked down at the pearls and touched them gingerly with her fingers.

She was such a fraud.

 

Morgan Penthouse: Nursery

Jason only sighed when he entered the penthouse that night, spying drooping decorations as evidence of Elizabeth’s baby shower from earlier that day. Carly had made him hang them, so he was sure it was going to be his job to take them down, as well. He hoped Elizabeth had a good time, was relieved that so many people had wanted to celebrate this with her.

He started up the stairs and stopped at the door to the nursery. He had not been back in this room since the day he and Elizabeth had taken measurements. Since then, he knew it had been painted and furniture had been moved in. He pushed the door open to find Elizabeth sitting in the corner of the room, between an oak crib and the window, slowly rocking in a wooden chair, her hands over her belly.

“Hey.” He leaned against the door jamb and took in the room in the dying sunlight. She’d gone with soft peaches and cream colors in this room, and he saw that over the crib, Cadence Audrey had been painted in swirling pink letters, accented by stars and moons. “It looks like you guys had a good time.”

“We did,” Elizabeth said, looking at him with a soft smile, her eyes tired. “Carly told me you helped with the decorations. Thanks.”

“She threatened to do them herself,” Jason said. “Which was just a ploy, but Sonny didn’t trust her to stay off a ladder.” He shifted and looked around the room, finding a few gift boxes and some bags. “Were you surprised?”

“Astounded.” Elizabeth sighed, and smoothed her hand down the arm of her chair. “This was one of my grandmother’s gifts, you know. It was my grandfather’s. It sat in the room that Sarah and I shared at her house from the time we were babies until we moved here and it ended up being Sarah’s.” Her eyes dipped down to look at the wood. “I remember being three or four, and he would rock me in this. I’d sit on his lap and he’d read to me. Usually from a medical journal, but I never cared. I just liked the sound of his voice.”

“Then it’s good to have it here,” Jason said after a moment, not really sure what to say. “So you can…do the same with your daughter.”

“Yeah…” Elizabeth closed her eyes. “With my daughter.” Without looking at him, she continued. “Do you see that box on the changing table?”

Jason stepped into the room and saw a large open box with a white dress and a velvet case sitting next to it. “Yeah. Who’s that from?”

“Your mother.” Elizabeth opened her eyes and met his. “It’s your grandmother’s christening gown, handmade by her grandmother in London in 1887. Lila’s mother wore it, Lila wore it, Tracy wore it, but no one else since.” He watched her mouth twist into a grimaced smile. “She was worried you might not want to use it since it’s a Quartermaine heirloom.”

“I…” Jason swallowed and looked back at the dress again. He cleared his throat. “Maybe I wouldn’t have once, but…it’s from Lila’s side of the family.”

“That’s what I told her.” Elizabeth rocked for a moment. “There are pearls in that case, from Edward’s mother. She gave them to Lila when Alan was born, and told her to pass them down to the mother of her first grandchild. But for some reason, Lila gave them to Monica rather than Tracy. Maybe she felt they should go to a woman coming into the family, that there were other pieces for daughters.” She shrugged, and he frowned at her, confused by her mood. “Anyway, Monica told me that it never felt right to give them to Carly, but with me…” She exhaled slowly. “For some reason, she feels right giving them to me.”

“Elizabeth…”

“I didn’t know what to say to her, to this woman who’s been so supportive of me these last few months, who just wants to be a part of your life. She was so grateful to be included today, so sure that she was always going to be on the outside looking in when it came to you. She handed me these beautiful gifts, cherished mementos of your family…and I cried.”

He swallowed hard. “I—”

“Because I don’t deserve them.” She met his eyes, and he saw such bleakness in them. “I’m a fraud, Jason. When we started this, maybe I thought like you did, that it would be a matter of weeks, but as it became clear I was going to spend months pretending to be the mother of your child, I began to understand how difficult this was going to be. I tried to explain it to you once, but I know you didn’t get it. Do you…do you understand now?”

“I…” Jason gripped the wooden changing table, and took a deep breath. “Because you and I know the truth.”

“No.” Elizabeth shook her head, that same small smile on her face. “You told me once that we had to figure out how to do this without complicating things, and I know you feel the same way now as you did then, even though I thought…we might have a chance. I thought…after spending all these months together, that you might…see the future the way I want to…that you would see us as a family.”

“I do,” Jason said, but his words were hollow because he knew it was too late for her to believe them. He hadn’t done enough to convince her, and now he didn’t think anything would. “I do,” he repeated. “I just…”

“You didn’t want to complicate things,” Elizabeth repeated, as if he hadn’t spoken. “Because you didn’t want to be her father, and even now, you don’t.”

“No…” Jason shook his head. “I never said that—”

“You didn’t have to.” Elizabeth met his eyes, and he froze at the finality in her gaze. “I got the point. Because every time we took a step forward, I took it and you just followed. I wanted to fix our friendship, I wanted to make things work between us. And you let me believe we could.”

“We still can,” Jason said roughly, trying to think of the words that would stop this from happening.

“Nadine told me months ago that I needed to be brave, that I need to ask you about tomorrow.” She sighed wistfully and looked out the window, as the sun dipped below the horizon and the room slowly slid into shadows. “I was scared to do it, scared to ask you what you wanted from me, what you saw for us, because I always knew the answer.”

“You don’t…” Jason stopped and took a deep breath. “I know I’ve messed things up, but if you just let me explain—”

“I sit here, and I think back over these last few months, and really…” Elizabeth paused. “They’ve been good ones. Even with the tension and the danger, there were moments I spent with you that were happier than any in years. I wanted our friendship back, Jason, and in some ways, I got it.”

“I wanted it, too.” He just wanted her to stop talking, to stop saying things in that tone of voice that sounded like she was building up to something he didn’t want to hear. How could he make her stop?

“But in the most important ways…I failed.” She exhaled, the breath almost shaky. “I spent years in a relationship where I stuck my head in the sand and ignored the reality. Ignored the way my head screamed every time Lucky made me unhappy, because I was so sure we could get those moments back, that we could be who we used to be before the fire. I can’t do it again, Jason. I can’t spend another day with you, pretending that our friendship is what it used to be.”

“So it changed,” Jason said. “It’s different. That’s fine. Things don’t have to stay the same—”

“So, after Cady is born, I think it’s best if I go back to my own room,” Elizabeth said as if he hadn’t spoken. “We haven’t made love in almost a month anyway, since I’ve been uncomfortable. And then, when this is over, when Ric and Faith aren’t threats, we’ll talk about how to end the rest of this.”

“Elizabeth, I know I’ve made mistakes. I just…I didn’t…” He couldn’t find the words. “I don’t want you to leave.”

“And you still haven’t give me a reason to stay,” Elizabeth murmured. “So it appears we’re exactly where we were all those months ago.”

His chest was tight, and for some reason, he wished Carly were here, because she’d know the words he needed to say to make Elizabeth understand. Carly always knew about words. Jason had never been good with them, had always relied on actions.

But it was his actions that had doomed him in this, so it was going to have to be words. He cleared his throat. “Elizabeth,” he began. “We’re not the same people we were last year, or even this summer, when you moved back in. I know I haven’t made it easy on you, that I’ve made you feel like I think you were a burden, that your child was an obligation, or even worse, a mistake, but—”

“You still…don’t get it.” Elizabeth closed her eyes. “My child. You say it all the time. My child. My baby. My daughter.”

He drew his brows together and shook his head. “Elizabeth, she is—”

“I’m tired,” she murmured. “I think I want to be alone for a while.”

“But you have to let me fix this—”

“Jason…” She looked at him again, her eyes shining in the darkness with her tears. “I can’t…do this anymore. I don’t want there to be bitterness. Not now. You’ve kept me safe, made it possible for me to be a mother without fear. I want to remember these months with a smile, and if you keep trying to explain or fix something that cannot be fixed, then I won’t be able to. I’ll only remember how painful it was at the end.”

He dipped his head and took a deep breath. “All right.” He nodded. “Okay.” He stepped out of the room and leaned against the wall.

Carly had warned him for months that if he kept protecting himself, kept his distance, he’d drive Elizabeth away. He’d always seen her point, but he realized now that a part of him had hoped that it wouldn’t come to this, that somehow they’d find a way to make this right or that he’d wake up one morning without his belief that this situation was temporary, that this idea of family in front him wasn’t ephemeral.

It had never happened, and instead, the day he’d been expecting arrived anyway. Elizabeth was going to leave and take her daughter, leaving him alone.

And it was no one’s fault but his own.

Thursday, November 20, 2003

Corinthos & Morgan Coffee Warehouse: Sonny’s Office

Sonny wondered if he took the rubber band he was playing with and shot it straight at Damien Spinelli’s forehead, if it’d be as entertaining as he thought it might be. Again, the computer tech was speaking in babble, tossing out Jackal, assassins, awesomes, and other words that made Sonny feel homicidal.

He looked at Jason, who was staring out the window, looking as exhausted as Sonny felt. He wondered what Jason had to be exhausted about, seeing as Sonny was the one with an infant at home who never slept. Something had changed after Elizabeth’s baby shower a few weeks ago. Jason was withdrawn, even sullen.

“Listen,” Sonny said suddenly, causing Spinelli to drop off in the middle of his spiel. “I want you to tell me what you found in English. I don’t wanna have this conversation every damn time you come in this office, you know. I want plain English. I pay you well enough.”

“Yes, Mr. Sir. I am endeavoring to correct some of my annoying nervous eccentricities,” Spinelli nodded. “I spoke to…” He hesitated, “Stan…” as if the name was unfamiliar and he had to remind himself not use some ridiculous nickname. “And we were working on a solution to the problems in the casino that have cropped up.”

“I thought you were still working on the shell companies,” Jason said roughly

“I am,” Spinelli said, “I am, Stone Cold, sir, but it is quite difficult as none of the attached accounts are currently being withdrawn upon, so I am unable to trace that which does not exist. That being said…Stan…believes that the problems in the casino indicate that the person causing them is on-site.”

Sonny straightened. “Why?” he demanded quickly. “Why would he think that?”

“The nature of these particular problems,” Spinelli remarked. “There are dealers at the tables who show up one night, and then quit. Customers who bring in almost nothing to start playing, win big and then never return. Money is being siphoned again, but in smaller amounts. The problems are diverse, which cannot be set by a remote computer as was the case with the problems in August.”

“So you’re saying that things are so screwed up,” Sonny said, pissed, “that it can only mean the bastard is pulling the strings from the casino itself.”

“Or he’s turned someone close to us. Carlos, or Tommy,” Jason pointed out, rubbing his forehead. “He could be in contact with one of them, and they could cause trouble. But…he’d have to be in contact to keep this up.”

“Yes, sir,” Spinelli bobbed his head. “There’s no set pattern to the types of problems — they could happen in any casino where management is badly handled. I am working on new arrivals to the area, but it’s a large search area and maybe useless.”

“We need someone on-site to look at it in depth,” Sonny said, wishing he could just sink the damn island into the ocean. “Who the hell are we going to send? I can’t leave Carly and Morgan, not unless I want Carly to set me on fire. Johnny and Tommy aren’t really equipped—”

“I’ll go,” Jason said quietly.

Sonny just blinked at him and then looked at Spinelli. “Be ready to go to Puerto Rico by tomorrow morning,” he told the tech. “I’ll call you later and let you know what’s going on.”

“Yes, sir, Mr. Sir.” Spinelli left the room.

“You can’t go,” Sonny said firmly. “Elizabeth may not be due for another two weeks, but due dates are really just guesses. She could probably go into labor at any point—”

“She needs this to be over,” Jason said. He leaned forward, his knees parted, his hands clasped between them. “She needs to be free of Ric Lansing. You and Carly are here, her grandmother and Nadine. She doesn’t—”

“That is goddamn bullshit,” Sonny growled. “You want to run out on her before she has the baby. You could miss it.” He shook his head and sat back in his chair. “I don’t get you, Jase. I really don’t. I got Carly worried all summer that you’re messing this up, and I keep telling her that maybe you’re not as smooth as she’d like, but you and Elizabeth still stumble through this. You got this far. But you’re sitting there, telling me you’ll go to Puerto Rico mere days before your girlfriend has—” He hesitated. “Before she has the baby, and you think you can tell me she’s got enough people here that she doesn’t need you?” He shook his head. “Bullshit, Jason. At least have the guts to tell me the truth.”

“I don’t owe you an explanations,” Jason said stiffly. “One of us has to go to Puerto Rico. You went the last time, I’m going.”

Sonny got to his feet. “Don’t fucking me tell me you don’t owe me any explanations. I supported you in this asinine plan from the beginning. I told you we could protect her, even if you hadn’t claimed the baby. You put Elizabeth in the position of pretending to be the mother of your child, and you’ve resented it from goddamn day one and I’ll be damned if I understand why. This was your bright idea and you’re a goddamn piece of shit if you run out on her now—”

Jason lunged to his feet, his face tight with anger. “You don’t know what you’re talking about—”

“Carly keeps feeding me some bullshit about how you’re so broken up over losing Michael, but I don’t buy it.” Sonny dragged his hands through his hair, thinking for the first time in their friendship he might actually lunge over this desk and punch his best friend. “At least man up and say it straight out. You don’t want to raise Ric Lansing’s child.”

Jason’s hands fisted at his sides, and he thought Jason might be close to landing a punch as well. “Fuck off, Sonny. I don’t give a damn about that.”

“No?” Sonny shrugged. “Could have fooled me. You’ve been pining after Elizabeth Webber for years, long before either one of you saw it, I did.” He pressed a hand to his chest. “I saw it that winter, the way you two talked about one another. You’ve spent so many years wanting to be with her, that now that you’re with her, you don’t know what the hell to do with it.”

“Drop it, Sonny—”

Sonny dropped into his chair and just stared at his friend. “I honestly don’t get it.” His tone was quiet now, perplexed. “I know how much you love her. I knew why you claimed the baby all those months ago, and I didn’t say anything then. I thought you guys were working things out, but you never saw it lasting beyond the end of this fiasco. You always saw it with expiration date.”

“Sonny, I’m going to Puerto Rico.”

“Whatever.” Sonny shook his head. “You’ve been walking away from Elizabeth since the day you met her. I don’t know why I’m so surprised you’re doing it again.” He reached for his phone, to call the airfield. “This time, Jason, you walk away, she’s not going to come back—”

“She didn’t come back to me this time,” Jason growled. “Did she? Don’t accuse me of walking away from her—she walked first.”

“The hell she did.” Sonny slapped his hand against the desk. “You did it. You walked away that first time, because your feelings were changing, and you lost the best chance you had, because she got sucked into the Lucky Spencer debacle for years. And you walked away from her again for a year when she was still figuring out what it meant to love two people at once. And maybe she left the penthouse last fall, but you walked away first.”

“She left me because of you,” Jason retorted. “Isn’t that what you’ve been saying? That it was your fault—”

“It was,” Sonny nodded. “Because when you asked to tell her, I should have agreed, but I’ll be damned if you don’t take responsibility for your part. You could have told me to go to hell, that you loved her as much as I loved Carly and you were going to tell her whether I liked it or not. You didn’t fight for her. And you didn’t exactly go back to her this time, either. You two just ended up in the same situation. So you’re both cowards, but at least she had the guts to try.”

He saw Jason bow his head and take a deep breath. “She’s already planning to leave,” his friend said in a much softer tone. “She told me after her baby shower. And there was nothing I could say to make her stay. She begged for me not to argue with her, because she didn’t want to remember us ending in anger. Not like last time.”

“And she’s walking because you’ve never let her back in again.” Sonny sighed. “Well, I can’t blame her. Can you?” He picked up his phone and dialed the number of the airfield. “Run to Puerto Rico, Jason. Take the easy way out. But you’re the one that’s telling her you’re leaving.”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Jason paused outside the door to the penthouse, and took a deep breath. He had driven around for nearly an hour after storming out of Sonny’s office at the warehouse, wanting to be calm when he came home to tell Elizabeth he’d be leaving town.

He knew Sonny was right, it only made what he was doing worse. But after that conversation in the nursery, Jason didn’t know how to make this better. All his efforts to stay distanced from the baby, to be with Elizabeth and not think about the future…they’d been in vain. He lay next to her at night and he could feel the baby kicking against his side when Elizabeth was curled up on her side at night.

He knew he loved this child, because it was part of Elizabeth, and she was going to be such an amazing mother. He should have embraced the idea months ago, shouldn’t have allowed whatever was in his head to affect the way he treated Elizabeth.

But he hadn’t. He’d thought he could hold her at arm’s length, have these moments and then not lose himself when she walked away. Even now, after he knew it was a certainty that she’d leave, after he knew how he felt about Cady, he was still trying to protect himself.

If he did miss the birth, if he wasn’t in the room when Cady was born, if he could get rid of Ric before that moment, then maybe he could spare himself. To watch Michael from afar, to never be his father…he couldn’t put himself through that again. After all these years, he still saw the little boy and his heart would swell, remembering what it had been like during that first year when he’d been a father. He knew Michael didn’t think of him that way, that Sonny was his father in every way that mattered.

To Jason, Michael would always be his son. He didn’t know how to turn that off.

“Everything okay, Jason?” Cody asked, and Jason looked at him. “You’re…just…” He hesitated. “Standing there.”

Jason sighed, and pushed the door open. Elizabeth sat on the sofa, her legs up, her back against the armrest. They had spent the last two weeks in a great deal of silence, sharing most meals and still residing in the same bedroom. She’d told him that to move her things back to the guest room at this point just felt like a waste of energy, and she’d deal with it when she wasn’t pregnant anymore.

“Hey.” He closed the door and dropped his keys on the desk.

She glanced up from her sketchpad, “Hey,” she said absently. “Are you going to be home for dinner?”

“Uh…yeah.” He sat in the arm chair and stared at the wooden coffee table. “I…wanted…I have to go out of town.”

Her pencil stilled, but she didn’t look up. “Oh?”

“There’s more problems in the casinos in Puerto Ric,” Jason told her. “Spinelli—the tech guy—thinks whoever is doing it is actually down there pulling the strings.”

“So you think Ric is in Puerto Rico.” Elizabeth nodded and looked up, her gaze unreadable. “And you’re going down to check it out.”

“Yeah. It’s…the closest we’ve come to a lead on him since he split town all those months ago.” Jason shifted. “I don’t…know how long it will take.”

The knuckles on the hand holding the sketchpad were nearly white, but her voice was even when she spoke again. “I suppose it will take as long as it takes.”

“I…” Jason hesitated. “I’m sorry. It’s just…it has to be me or Sonny, and Sonny can’t—”

“He just had a baby,” Elizabeth murmured, her pencil moving again, but he thought she was only pretending now and not actually sketching. “He’d never hear the end of it from Carly.”

“That’s…what he said.” He exhaled in a short quick breath. “Elizabeth, I’m—”

“Don’t apologize.” Her eyes flicked to meet his and he still couldn’t see what she was thinking, feeling. “Jason, you’re doing exactly what you promised me you do all those months ago. You told me that you were going to get Ric out of my life to keep me and my daughter safe. You’ve never promised me more than that. So…go do what you have to do.”

“Okay.” She wasn’t angry, but he wanted her to be. At least when they argued, she was in the conversation. This…tense, cold acceptance of the situation was discomforting. “I don’t have to leave until tomorrow morning—”

“Oh, good.” Elizabeth glanced towards the kitchen. “I’ll heat up the lasagna Sonny brought us the other day.”

“I’ll do it,” Jason told her, getting to his feet. “You don’t need to be…on your feet.”

Elizabeth shrugged and returned to her sketchbook. He headed for the kitchen, still tense and waiting for the second shoe to drop.

Morgan Penthouse: Bedroom

It dropped the next morning, when he slipped out of bed to dress. They’d shared another quiet dinner and then later, they’d gone up to bed. For the first time in over a month, she’d reached for him, and though it hadn’t been easy, they’d made love, and he knew she intended it to be the last time.

They’d fallen asleep in each other’s arms, and then he’d woken up, and dressed. He leaned over the bed to brush a kiss to her forehead. “I’ll see you later,” he murmured.

He was almost out the door before he heard her soft answer. “Goodbye.”

Being me can only mean
Feeling scared to breathe
If you leave me then I’ll be afraid of everything
That makes me anxious, gives me patience, calms me down
Lets me face this, let me sleep, and when I wake up (I wake up, I wake up)
Let me be
– Afraid, The Neighbourhood

Tuesday, December 2, 2003

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

“All right, baby watch, Day Three,” Carly said as Francis pushed the door open and she bustled in, pushing Morgan’s portable bassinet. “Let’s pop this sucker out today, what do you say?”

Elizabeth smiled, but just leaned her head back against the arm of the sofa. “From your mouth to God’s ears. Ugh.” Since Kelly had told her at her doctor’s appointment three days earlier that she was two centimeters dilated and that it could be any day now, Carly and Sonny had decided she should ever ever be alone.

Ever. Ever. Carly still remembered her difficult delivery of Michael, and Sonny…well, he was just a control freak. So they both alternated in the penthouse during the day, with the help of Audrey and Nadine, and Marco and Ricky, her evening guards, alternated spending the night in one of the guest rooms while the other sat on the door.

She hadn’t had a moment’s peace in three days, but she wouldn’t know what to do with that peace anyway. Strange that the penthouse seemed more quiet without Jason since he wasn’t much of a talker, but well…such was life. He’d made the choice to leave and his missing the birth of her child told her everything she needed to know about how he felt about her daughter.

“Morgan’s taking his nap, so let’s just hope he stays down for a few hours.” Carly grinned down at him and then at Elizabeth. “I’m getting good at this mom thing. Michael’s a breeze, always was. By the time I came home from the nuthouse, Jason had him on such a schedule that I barely had to do any work—” She coughed. “Not that we’re talking about it.”

“It’s fine, Carly.” Elizabeth closed her eyes. “Just because Jason and I aren’t going to work out—” She paused when she heard Carly muttering under her breath across the room. “What was that?”

“You’re both dumb bastards,” Carly said, her hands on her hips. “I bet you didn’t even let him get a word in edgewise while you broke his heart, and then he’s dumb enough to let you get away with it. This is what happens when I don’t take a hands on role in helping.”

“What exactly would you have done differently?” Elizabeth demanded. “I gave him months to step up, to talk about the future. I asked him dozens of times—”

“Ah, can it, Muffin. You and I both know you did not ask him straight out.” Carly waved her hand. “I don’t blame you, because I told Jason what you were thinking because a blind man could have seen it, but he wasn’t going to ask straight out either, because you were both so damn sure of the answers.”

“Ugh. Carly—”

“Nope. You didn’t say to his face: Jason, I love you. I want to be a family. Do you want to be a family with me with Cady? Do you want her to be your daughter?” Carly huffed. “I told him that’s what you were freaking out about, but does anyone ever listen to Carly? Nope. And he never said to your face: Muffin, I love you—”

“—he wouldn’t call me Muffin, for one—”

“I want Cady to be mine, blah, blah. Cowards.” Carly tucked Morgan in more tightly. “But I guess I figure it’s what he didn’t say that matters.”

“Carly.” Elizabeth looked at her. “Is that why you were nice to me? And asked me to be Morgan’s godmother? Because you were pushing me and Jason together? Because if that’s the only reason, then let me know right now so I can be prepared for things to go back to the way they used to be.”

“Oh…” Carly sighed. “You mean, like Courtney said that day at Kelly’s, that you were only family until Jason dropped you, like she was. Hey, I was only nice to her because I thought she’d be good for Jason. That wasn’t true. You…” She eyed Elizabeth. “You’re different. Sonny’s not going to let me get rid of you as easily.”

“Would you if you could?”

“It’s usually a reflex,” Carly admitted. “I think Jason learned it from me. You push people away before they can leave you. You test them. And if they go, they failed.” She sighed. “You know what’s what he’s been doing to you. He thought you were going to leave anyway.”

“And he did nothing to stop me, like always.” Elizabeth closed her eyes and winced as Cady whacked her in the ribs. “If it were just me, Carly, I’d stay, but—”

“It’ll never be just you again, so you’ve got to plan accordingly.” Carly shrugged. “We are where we are. I’m not giving up.” She frowned. “Muffin, you’re making that face again.”

“I think Cady’s trying to move into my bladder or…something.” Elizabeth shifted and started to sit up. “Crap. Can you help?”

Carly came forward and helped Elizabeth into a sitting position. “You sure that’s all it is?”

“Don’t get too excited—” Elizabeth broke off, as everything inside her clenched at once and she lost her breath. “Oh, son of a bitch.”

“Contraction?” Carly demanded. “Or the Braxton-Hicks like they were last month? Tell me, Muffin—”

“Remember…my grandmother told me that I’d know the difference between false and real contractions?” Elizabeth asked. “Um…I do. Get the clock out. Start timing these.”

“Yeah, yeah…” Carly grabbed the stopwatch from the table, and then headed for the door. “Francis!” she yelped, pulling it open. “I’m gonna need Sonny here stat. And get Leticia so she can take Morgan home and pick Michael up. We got a baby coming!”

She turned back to Elizabeth and sat next to her on the couch, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Muffin…you’re crying—”

“I thought I could do this,” Elizabeth whispered, her fists clenched. “I thought I was okay with Jason missing her birth, but I love him so much, I really do and I just don’t understand why he doesn’t love me, why he doesn’t love her?”

“Oh…” Carly hesitated and then glanced around as Sonny came through door. “Hey. Get her bag out of the closet. She just had her first noticeable contraction, so we’re waiting for the next one to time it.”

“Got it. I’ll call ahead at the hospital,” Sonny said. He opened the closet and pulled out a duffle bag that had been prepared a few weeks earlier. “You want me to call your grandmother? Nadine?”

“Um…” Elizabeth gasped and blindly reached out for something to hold. Carly offered her hand and Elizabeth clutched it. “My gram…yes, but um….Nadine had to go to New York to see her sister. Some sort of emergency, how long was that, Carly?”

“Seven minutes between contractions.” Carly narrowed her eyes. “Unless your water breaks, we’re supposed to wait, right?”

“Um…” Elizabeth hesitated. “I may… have been having some odd twinges all day. I thought…” She closed her eyes. “Carly, don’t let him call Jason,” she whispered. “I don’t want him to feel like he has to hurry back—”

“Muffin…” Carly glanced at her husband but Sonny had stepped into the hallway to make some phone calls. “I know you’re angry at him—”

“Please. I don’t want Jason there. He doesn’t want to be there, so I don’t want him there.” Another sharp wave of pain. “Oh, man, Carly…that was one was faster—”

“We’re down to five minutes. Sonny!” Carly called.

Harborview Towers: Hallway

Sonny punched Jason’s speed dial and was relieved when his friend didn’t ignore the call. “Jase, how far away are you?”

“Two hours out of Port Charles,” Jason said. “What’s going on?”

“Elizabeth’s in labor. We’re not leaving for the hospital yet, it just really kind of started…” He glanced back towards the door where Francis was standing, alert. He hadn’t told Carly or Elizabeth Jason was on his way home, because he intended to have it out with the bastard as soon as he stepped off the plane. “Call when you land, and I’ll let you know if we’ve gone to the hospital.”

“All…all right. Is…she in a lot of pain?”

“Do you really give a damn?” Sonny snarled. “Because if you did, I’d be on that plane and you’d be standing here making phone calls and you’d be holding her hand instead of Carly. For once, Jason, we’re cleaning up your mess. But you’re coming to the damn hospital if I have to drag you kicking and screaming.” He slammed his phone shut.

Francis raised his eyebrows. “If Miss Webber doesn’t want him there—”

“Oh, don’t start with me, Francis,” Sonny said, dragging his hands through his hair. “They’re going to work this out, eventually. Even if I have to lock them in a room until they do. And when they do, he’ll kick himself for missing it.”

“I see Mrs. C is rubbing off on you.”

“Sonny!” Carly called from inside. She stepped up to the door. “What did Kelly say?”

“Bring her in when the contractions are four minutes apart,” Sonny said. “And Jason was flying back today anyway, he’ll land in two hours.”

“Oh, frick. You called him? She doesn’t want him there.”

“Well…” Sonny scowled. “She’ll have to suck it up. I got a call from Vega last night wondering what the hell we were doing up here with the father of this supposedly in danger child off gallivanting out of the country. I can’t have them on my ass right now.”

“Fine.” Carly folded her arms across her chest and nodded toward the inside of the penthouse. “You go tell the woman in labor she’ll have to suck it up. Go right ahead.”

“I hate everyone in this world right now,” Sonny said fervently.

General Hospital: Maternity Ward

The elevator doors slid open and Jason started for the nurse’s station to ask which room Elizabeth was in. He had prolonged his trip in Puerto Rico as long as possible, but he couldn’t put it off coming home any longer. Ric, if he’d been there, was now long gone and he worried that the problems down there had been a distraction, to divide their resources.

Before he reached the hub, he heard Sonny call his name. He turned to find Carly and Sonny standing in the waiting room. “Hey. I got here as soon as I could—”

“Audrey’s in with Muffin right now,” Carly said briskly. “She wanted a little alone time with her grandmother. Her contractions slowed down once we got here, but her water broke about ten minutes ago. She’s dilated six centimeters.”

“Is she in pain?” Jason asked, feeling completely useless and ignoring the heat of Sonny’s glare. “How is she?”

“Well, bastard, you can go in and find out for yourself,” Carly hissed. “If you even give a damn, because I’m the one who was there when this happened and she asked me not to tell you.”

Jason’s hands had been in fists at his side, but at that, they loosened and he swallowed hard. “She doesn’t want me in there, does she?”

“I don’t know, but I know that Sonny keeps telling me we don’t have a choice. You at least have to make this look good.” Carly jabbed him in the chest. “You listen to me, you dumb son of a bitch, you’re going to go in there and you’re going to be the best father you know how to be. I know you’re amazing at it, I know you want this baby. I know you want the Muffin, so what the hell is your goddamn problem?”

“Carly.” Sonny took her by the shoulders and pulled her back. She turned on him, her voice raw with anger and pain.

“No, Sonny, he’s wrecking everything and he doesn’t even see it—”

“Carly, it’s not the time or place,” Sonny told her quietly. He looked at Jason. “Vega’s suspicious, and if he is, he’d be talking to Ruiz. Hector Ruiz is not a man you want looking twice at your personal affairs, so whatever your issues with Elizabeth are, you need to at least go in there and make an appearance.”

General Hospital: Elizabeth’s Room

Elizabeth was floating a little from the drugs, but her head hurt and her eyes were tired. She just wanted to have her daughter. She wanted her to be here, so she could start the next part of her life.

“Darling, just breathe,” Audrey murmured. “I don’t understand why Jason had to go out of town so close to the due date—”

“Unavoidable, Gram,” Elizabeth murmured. She saw the door push open, and then Jason was there, standing hesitantly just inside. “What…” She remembered her grandmother at her side. “You’re here.”

“I was flying back today…” Jason stepped forward and cleared his throat. “Sonny called me, so I came straight here. How…are you doing?”

Elizabeth glanced at her grandmother, who was beaming. “Gram, can…Jason and I have a moment?”

“Of course, darling.” Audrey kissed her forehead and squeezed Jason’s arm as she passed out of the room. When the door closed behind her, Elizabeth let her head fall to the pillows.

“What are you doing here?” she asked flatly. “Making it look good for everyone else?”

“Elizabeth, I wanted to be here,” Jason said. “I just…didn’t know how to tell you what I was thinking—”

“Well, that’s too bad for you, because now I no longer care—” She gasped, as one of her contractions appeared to break through the haze of the drugs and steal her breath. Jason was at her side, and she found herself clutching him, trying to get through the pain.

“I know I made you think I didn’t want Cady—”

“You don’t, you don’t…” Elizabeth closed her eyes, and felt the tears slide down her cheeks. “And I can’t…you can’t be in here. I don’t want you in here. I…spent my whole life not mattering to my parents, not having my father love me the way I wanted him to. My daughter is never going to know that. Not for one minute, one second am I going to let you make her think there’s something wrong with her—”

“There’s nothing wrong with her,” Jason cut in, his voice rough. “Or you. I do want her—”

“No, you don’t.” Her chest was heaving now from the force of her sobs. “Just go. I don’t want you. Go. I want…” She gasped. “I want Carly. Tell Carly I want her. Not you. I want you to go.”

“Elizabeth—”

“Just go. Go!” she repeated when he didn’t move. “You’ve walked away from me so many times, Jason. One more isn’t going to change things.”

General Hospital: Maternity Ward Waiting Room

Sonny leapt up from his chair, Audrey and Carly at his side when Jason stepped out, his face ashen. “What’s going on?” Sonny demanded.

“She…” Jason took a deep breath and looked at Carly. “She wants you in there, Not me.”

“Me…but…” Carly hesitated, looking at Audrey for a moment, before looking back her best friend. “Jase…you should be in there. I know…she’s angry with you, but—”

“It’s fine.” Jason swallowed hard. “Mrs. Hardy, I know Elizabeth wants you back in there.”

“I’ll try to talk to her, Jason,” Audrey promised him. “Sometimes mothers in labor are a little unpredictable, and I know Elizabeth wasn’t happy about you taking that trip.” Her lips thinned. “None of us were, but that’s water under the bridge. I’ll talk to her—you should be in there with her.” Audrey disappeared into the room.

Carly narrowed her eyes. “What did you say that makes Elizabeth want me and not you in the room? Because, I assure you, you said something.”

“It’s all the things I didn’t say,” Jason said finally. He cleared his throat. “She’s asking for you, Carly. Would you please, for me, go make sure she has everything she needs?”

“You see what happens when you’re a good person, Sonny?” Carly growled. “Nothing good.” She followed Audrey in the room.

Sonny wiped his mouth and sat back in his chair. “I don’t get you, Jason. I really don’t. All these months, you’ve gone through this charade to protect her and I know…you tried to say it was because you owed her, but I always knew the reasons even if you didn’t want to verbalize it. I thought you two were going to get it together this time, that you were going be a family.”

“I wanted that,” Jason admitted. “But I didn’t know how to make it happen. I told you, Sonny. Elizabeth never stays. She keeps telling me I don’t give her a reason to, but I don’t know what she’s looking for.”

Sonny exhaled slowly and leaned back against the wall, closing his eyes. Sometimes he forgot that Jason Morgan had not existed for more than eight years, and maybe he really just didn’t get it, that sometimes words were important, that sometimes reassurances mattered. “Jason, do you love her?”

“Sonny—”

“Just answer me.”

Jason was quiet for a moment. “Yes. I love her. I have for…a long time now. But—”

“When she moved in this summer, when you two started working things out, did you happen to tell her that?”

“I…” Jason hesitated. “No.”

“Did you ever sit down and discuss what would happen after Cady was born? What role you would play in her life if we tied up all this other crap? What it would mean for the two of you to be seeing each other at the same time the world believes Cady to be your daughter?”

“We…didn’t.” Jason leaned forward, dipping his head down. “She thinks it’s because of Ric. You think that, too.”

“I’m at a loss, honestly, Jase.” Sonny shrugged. “Because if it was just about not wanting to get attached to a child who could walk away, there were things we could have done. We could have quietly signed adoption papers and then had them sealed so no one would see them. You could have asked Elizabeth to marry you, to make a commitment to her.” He looked at his best friend. “But maybe you don’t think those things would have worked. That Elizabeth still would have taken her and walked away.”

“Michael was my son. I had papers saying I could have visitation, but I had to give him up. It was for the best. But…Robin and Carly…they took him away.”

Tricky territory here, because now Sonny was raising the little boy. “Robin made her choice, she had her reasons and Carly was scared—”

“But they knew what they were doing,” Jason said thickly. “Robin wanted to protect me from Carly, so she told AJ the truth. How she thought I’d be better off that way, I still don’t understand. And Carly never even gave me a chance to fix it, she just ran to the Quartermaines and told them I made her to do it. I know…she was scared, but it doesn’t change anything.”

And here was the truth that Sonny had ignored all along. Jason had loved two women before Elizabeth and they’d both betrayed him. He’d had one another best friend, and God knew that Sonny had betrayed him by sleeping with Carly. Somewhere along the line, between the three of them, they’d taught Jason that to trust someone all but ensured betrayal.

“You had months to talk to Elizabeth about all of this,” Sonny said finally. “I get it, I do. But she shouldn’t pay for Robin and Carly. For the things that they did, that I did. Elizabeth would have understood…after what you went through with Michael. She was there for the aftermath, wasn’t she?”

“She was one of the few people I talked to about it.” Jason hesitated. “The only one. It’s…how we met. She went to Jake’s, wanting something to replace the emptiness she felt after Lucky died, and she asked me if I knew what nothing felt like.”

“God, the two of you are going to give me a headache.” Sonny put his head in his hands. “You’re so perfect for each other that it’s almost nauseating and yet you two can’t get out of your own way long enough to get it. Jason, she spent years trying to make herself the woman she’d been before that fire. Trying to be good enough so that Lucky would love her again, and how did he repay her? He got her involved in a ridiculous scheme where she faked her death and she had to come to me for help. And then he almost married her out of pity when he didn’t remember loving her. She turned herself inside out for that man, and she got nothing in return for years. You’ve got baggage, but so does she, and instead of dealing with it, you both made it so much worse.”

“Carly told me for months I was pushing her away,” Jason admitted. “But I just…thought if I didn’t talk about it—”

“You know better than that, Jase.” Sonny leaned forward. “Listen to me. I don’t know if it’s too late to fix this, I really don’t. She wants a reason to stay, Jason. And she wants you give it to her. She wanted you to love her daughter the way you love Michael. Effortlessly. If you really don’t think you can figure out a way to trust her to stay, then fine. Make it amicable. We’ll figure out a way to extricate you from this situation after Ric is dealt with.”

He put a hand on Jason’s shoulder. “But I think you and I both know that you can trust her. That she knows better than anyone how it felt for you to lose Michael. And if I know you at all, you already love that little girl. So when Carly comes out here to bring us back, I want you to remember that. You never used to live in the past, Jason. Don’t start now.”

General Hospital: Elizabeth’s Room

Barely a year ago, Carly was shoving Elizabeth Webber out of Jason’s life and ushering Courtney in. She would have told most people that Elizabeth was nothing more than a little girl with an infatuation who couldn’t handle what it meant to be in Jason’s life. Her best friend deserved better.

Today, as she stood by Elizabeth’s side, clutching her hand as Kelly Lee told Elizabeth she was finally dilated to ten and could start pushing with the next contraction, Carly couldn’t really pinpoint when she’d shifted that thought. Had it been the first time Elizabeth offered her ice cream? Or played blackjack with her while cooped up in the penthouse?

Or had it started further back than that, when Elizabeth had cleaned up the penthouse and comforted Carly after believing Sonny to be dead. How she had stopped by just to check on her, and to hesitantly ask after Jason.

“This hurts so much, Gram. Why did the pain meds stop working?” Elizabeth sobbed. “Make it stop.” Six hours of labor had left her exhausted.

“The baby is crowning, Liz!” Kelly called. “Just a little longer!”

“I can’t—”

“Oh, suck it up, Muffin,” Carly snapped and Elizabeth glared at her. “You damn well can do this. Anyone who can…” She glanced at Audrey and decided to just shrug it off. “Anyone who can put up with the crap you have can do this.”

“Carly—”

“You stood up to me when most people in this town just ignored me,” Carly continued. “You told me you’d protect Jason from me until he was well enough to deal with me. I told you I’d gotten rid of one little angel, and I was going to drop you kick you so fast into next year, you wouldn’t see it coming.”

Elizabeth bit out a pained laugh. “How’d that work for you?”

“Exactly my point, Muffin. Anyone who can stand up to me and actually win can do something measly like give birth. Hell, I did it just last month and did I whine nearly as much?”

Kelly popped up from the end of the bed. “Actually—”

“Quiet, you.” Carly jabbed a finger in her direction. “Concentrate on that…down there.”

“All right, Elizabeth…here comes a contraction. Push!”

With a grunt, Elizabeth bore down, panting. “Come on, come on.”

“You can do this, Elizabeth,” Audrey said, wrapping an arm around her granddaughter’s shoulders. “I know it!”

“The head is out, Elizabeth!” Kelly told her. “Let’s get the shoulders and I can just pull her out—”

“Get out, get out, get out!” Elizabeth screeched.

And then there was a cry.

Kelly rose to her feet, her eyes bright and shining, with a messy baby in her arms. “And here we go!” She leaned forward to lay the newborn on Elizabeth’s stomach.

Carly pressed her free hand to her mouth, watching Elizabeth’s entire countenance shift immediately from pain to joy. “Oh…” Elizabeth broke off and took a deep, shaky breath. “Oh, she’s so perfect.”

“Oh, my darling…” Audrey kissed Elizabeth’s forehead.

“Who’s cutting the cord?” Kelly asked. She looked at Carly. “Godmama?”

“Um…” Carly looked at Elizabeth who was focused on her daughter. “Sure.” She reached for the scissors and gingerly snipped it, shuddering a bit. The things she did for family.

“Let’s clean her up,” Kelly said, with a smile, reaching for Cady. Elizabeth protested, but Kelly shrugged. “I’ll give her right back.”

“Oh, Gram…” Elizabeth leaned back against the pillows as some of the nurses came forward to help her clean up herself. “She’s here.”

“And she’s beautiful,” Audrey murmured. “Absolutely beautiful.” She paused. “I told Monica I’d come get her as soon as she was born. Would you mind?”

“No…” Elizabeth closed her eyes. “No. You can get her.”

Audrey smiled again and disappeared out the room. Carly took a deep breath. “Well, Muffin, you did it. Cadence Audrey Morgan is now in the world.”

“Cadence Audrey Caroline,” Elizabeth corrected. She opened her eyes and Carly saw the tears, the joy, the bliss. “She’d never be here if not for you, for Sonny. For Jason. So if you don’t mind…”

“Oh…Muffin…” Damn it. Carly swiped at her eye. “I never mind knowing there are more Carolines in this world.”

“Speaking of which…” Kelly stepped away from the nurses with Cady in her arms, now swaddled in a hospital blanket. “How about we let Godmama hand the baby over.”

Carly stepped towards Kelly and accepted the baby in her arms. She looked down at this little scrap of humanity and just…

This baby was the reason for all of this, for the love, the arguments, the fear, the extra security, for the pain. For the bliss. Here was the center of it all, and she looked so incredibly innocent.

“She’s just…so perfect,” Carly murmured. She looked at Elizabeth. “I can’t even describe it.” She stepped forward and set her gently into Elizabeth’s arms. “There’s my niece.”

“I thought about this moment, I’ve imagined it a thousand times over the last eight months,” Elizabeth murmured, her hand smoothing over Cady’s cheek, “but this is so much better. She wasn’t here five minutes ago, and now…”

“Do you think you’ve punished Daddy long enough?” Kelly asked, with a good-natured smile. “All her tests are perfect. She’s completely healthy, so maybe she should meet him.”

Elizabeth hesitated and then looked at Carly, looking a little lost. “Is he angry with me? Because I didn’t…Because I wanted you.”

“No, no.” Carly shook her head. “He understood. He’s angrier with himself for making this happen, for making you think you weren’t important, that he didn’t love you.”

“I’ll be back in to check on you guys in a bit.” Kelly squeezed Elizabeth’s arm. “Congrats, Liz. I can say without bias she is the prettiest little girl I’ve ever delivered.” With a wave, Kelly and the other nurse left the room.

“Bring him in,” Elizabeth said after a moment. “And Sonny, too. I want them to meet her.”

“I’ll be right back.”

General Hospital: Maternity Ward Waiting Room

Jason and Sonny were already on their feet, having been told briefly by Audrey that the baby had arrived and she was on her way to get Monica. A few minutes later, Carly exited the room, and Jason was relieved to see her smiling. “Hey, is she okay? Is Cady okay?”

“She’s perfect. She wants to see both of you.”

Jason hesitated. “Does she? I don’t want her to do anything—”

“Jason, look at me.” Carly grasped his chin in her hand and forced him to make eye contact with her. “You’ve messed this up pretty badly, but at the end of the day, it’s not lost. You can make this better. Maybe you didn’t make Elizabeth feel like you loved her or Cady before, but from the moment you step in there, it’s different. I know you love her already.”

“Carly—”

“No, just…” Carly took a deep breath. “I didn’t always get it, I didn’t always like it, and maybe I made it more difficult for you, so if that’s true I’m sorry. But I want you to be happy. So I am telling you right now, if you go in there and you show Elizabeth how much you love her and how much you love that little girl, it can be better. Just…try.”

General Hospital: Elizabeth’s Room

Jason stepped in to find Sonny already holding the baby. He was grinning at the pink bundle. “I’m an uncle, Jase!” he proclaimed proudly. “Can you believe it?”

Carly came in behind him and went to stand by Elizabeth’s bed. “He’ll never stop this now. She’ll be spoiled ridiculously. Ponies. Castles. He doesn’t do things in half measures.”

Sonny just shrugged and then looked at Jason. “You want her?”

Jason took a deep breath. “Yeah.” He stepped over to his friend, prepared to take Carly’s advice for once. As Sonny gently laid her in his arms, Jason remembered the moment he’d held Michael in his arms, and though he loved Michael still…this moment was it in a class of its own.

This was the little girl who he had felt kick, who he had watched grow, who he had tried desperately not to love and failed. For the first time since this began, he admitted to himself that he’d always wanted her to be his.

“She’s…” He faltered, and cleared his throat. “I can’t…find the words, Elizabeth.” He looked up, to find her eyes glossy with tears. “There aren’t any.”

“That is exactly how I feel,” Elizabeth murmured.

Carly wiped her eyes with a tissue. “This is just too damn sappy for me,” she muttered. “Tell them, Muffin. Tell them what you’re naming her.”

Jason frowned and exchanged a look with Sonny. “It’s Cady, isn’t it?” Jason asked. “Cadence Audrey.”

“I’m changing it a little.” Elizabeth hesitated and looked at Carly, with a smile. “Cadence Audrey Caroline.”

“That’s right.” Carly nodded. “I want all of Port Charles to know that someone actually named their kid for me. They’ll never believe it.”

“I barely believe it,” Sonny returned, but he looked at Elizabeth. “We’re never going to hear the end of this, Liz.”

Elizabeth laughed, as the door opened and Audrey stepped in, followed by a hesitant Monica. “Is there room for a couple of grandmothers?”

“Of course,” Carly said. “Jase, you might have to give the kid over.”

Here was his chance to show Elizabeth it could be different. That he could be different. He stepped forward, towards his mother. “Mon—” He hesitated. “Mom. This is our daughter, Cadence Audrey Caroline Morgan.” And with those words, he set Cady in his mother’s arms. He was facing away from Elizabeth, so he couldn’t see her face, but he hoped she believed them.

“Oh, Jason…” Monica’s lips trembled as she looked down at the baby. “Oh, she’s just too precious.” She blinked and looked up. “Caroline?”

“That’s right. Named for me,” Carly pointed out, looking satisfied. “Suck it, Port Charles.”

“Carly,” Elizabeth said, swatting her. “Knock it off, or I’ll change it to…Robin.”

Carly gasped. “Oh, you better not even joke about that, you brat.”

“Audrey, have you had her?” Monica asked. “If you don’t take her from me, I’m liable to keep her forever.” When Audrey held out her arms, Monica handed her over and then turned to Jason. Without another word, she embraced him.

His first instinct was to stiffen, but he knew Monica had been a source of support for Elizabeth during all of this, that despite the past, she did love him for who he was, even if she didn’t always accept his choices. So he gingerly hugged her back and looked at Elizabeth over Monica’s shoulders. She looked…contemplative.

He only hoped he still had time to make this right.

She, She is the words that I can’t find
How can the only thing that’s killing me make me feel so alive
And I couldn’t speak
I couldn’t breathe to save my life
All of my chances swim like sinking ships
This time it’s it
I’ll drown or make her mine
– She (For Liz), Parachute

Early Wednesday, December 4, 2003

Harborview Towers: Penthouse Hallway

It was not long after one in the morning when Sonny and Carly exited the elevator and turned the corner to find Max waiting for them. “Hey, Max. Leticia and the boys doing all right?”

“Yes, sir, Boss. Been quiet since about ten.” Max nodded, moving to open the door. “How’s Miss Webber and the baby?”

“Perfect.” Carly stepped inside the penthouse, and then leaned against the doorjamb. “Six pounds, eleven ounces. She was born at 7:05 PM, so if I remember correctly…Dominic won the pool.”

Max huffed. “If the kid could have just waited three more hours, I’d have had some good money.” He cleared his throat. “Jason make it to the hospital?”

“Yep,” Sonny nodded with a half-smile. “I think he’s hanging at the hospital tonight. Not really interested in letting either of them out of his sight, so…” he shrugged and looked at Carly. “Go ahead, and tell him, you know you want to.”

“Bite me, Sonny.” Carly lifted her chin. “She named her after me.”

Max frowned. “But we painted the damn wall—”

“She added Carly’s name to the end of her already chosen name,” Sonny clarified, rolling his eyes. “Cadence Audrey Caroline Morgan. I figure I’ll have to follow Carly around for a few days to make sure people don’t think there are going to be two Carlys running around.”

“The absolute horror,” Max agreed.

Carly stuck her tongue out of him and went inside the penthouse, collapsing on the couch while Sonny gave Max a few instructions and then closed the door. “I have a namesake, Sonny. You can’t take that from me. I watched Elizabeth and Jason sign the papers for her birth certificate. It’s official.”

“And a year ago, you’d have been horrified at the thought of Muffin Webber naming her kid for you.” Sonny joined her on the couch and just grinned at her. “My, how the world has changed.”

“Ah…” Carly closed her eyes. “Screw you.” She opened them again and looked at her husband. “They’re going to be okay, aren’t they? I saw Jason’s face when he held Cady for the first time, and it was everything I think Elizabeth wanted. He looked…”

“He looked like a father,” Sonny murmured. “And I think it was a good first step. But it’s not enough to just look at her with love. He’s going to have to step up.”

“Yeah…but…” Carly sighed and turned her face into the cushions, exhausted. “I also saw her face when he held the baby, and Elizabeth looked relieved, like she’d been trying not to hope for it…and then when Jason gave Cady to Monica, introducing her with his last name…Maybe he did that for appearances, but he didn’t have to. No one would have said anything if he’d just said, here’s Cady. But he didn’t.”

“It’s a good first step,” Sonny repeated. He hesitated. “You were right a few weeks ago, when you said that if you could make Jason happy, it would mean you hadn’t broken him. Maybe I wanted to believe we were past all of that, that things had changed…but…” He leaned his head back against the sofa and looked out into the room. “We did break him. You, me, Robin, maybe even Elizabeth a little. He never trusted easily to begin with, you know? And Robin shattered him. Before he could recover from that, you drop-kicked him, and then I pushed him over a cliff.” He let out a little bitter laugh. “Hell, Elizabeth only broke his heart. Almost nothing compared to the three of us combined, because he broke hers, too.”

“Sonny…”

“Okay, maybe we didn’t break him, but we did…we did chip away at his ability to believe in people, even if he’d never admit it. He told me he couldn’t believe Elizabeth would stay. She never had before, and it wasn’t like people didn’t lie. Robin had promised to keep the secret, but she’d blindsided him. You asked him to be Michael’s father…and I taught him about honor and loyalty. And look at what we did to him.”

“I thought he’d forgiven us,” Carly murmured. She leaned into Sonny’s side, her cheek against his shoulder. “And I think he did. But he never forgot. So you kicked some sense into him?”

“I hope so,” he sighed. “Because I’m beginning to see your point. If he can be happy, if he can build a life with Elizabeth and Cady, then maybe we don’t have to feel guilty anymore.” He kissed the top of her head. “I love you, Carly, but I wish like hell we could have figured it out without betraying him.”

“I know.” Carly closed her eyes, and remembered the look on his face when he’d seen her on the steps that terrible night. To know he’d been standing there, with a gunshot wound. Maybe Jason had forgiven them, but she had never quite been able to forgive herself. Not all the way. Not until she knew he would be okay.

General Hospital: Elizabeth’s Room

Elizabeth yawned and hastily covered her mouth, with a sheepish smile. “Sorry, Gram,” she said to her grandmother, who was rocking Cady across the room. “I just…haven’t been able to sleep much. These hospital beds aren’t nearly as nice as mine at home.”

Audrey laughed and laid Cady back in her bassinet. “Well, you’ll be out of here tomorrow. I know you’re eager to get home and settle Cady in her nursery.” She perched on the edge of Elizabeth’s bed. “Are you and Jason all right, darling? After you kicked him out of the delivery room—”

“I was…” Elizabeth sighed and closed her eyes. “I was angry at him, Gram. I know the trip was important, and I’m not just saying that. I know he had to go, but it didn’t change how I felt about it. I just…” She hesitated. “I love him. You were right about that, and we’ve been trying really hard to make it better, to make a family, but…”

“You know that your grandfather was the love of my life,” Audrey said softly, brushing Elizabeth’s hair off her forehead. “But he and I spent years fighting it, because there were days when it was just too difficult. We made mistakes, we said and did things that hurt one another terribly. We both tried to move on with other people, but there came a day, when we realized that no matter what we’d done to try and destroy our love, it still beat within our hearts.” She took Elizabeth’s hand in hers and laced their fingers together. “Falling in love is the easy part, Elizabeth. It’s everything that comes after it that’s difficult…and it’s what makes it worthwhile.”

“I know that…” Elizabeth paused. “We just…started this all wrong. Backwards. I wasn’t sure if he could look at Cady without thinking of how she came to be, how many people we hurt, and the mistakes—”

“Elizabeth, did you not see at that man holding your daughter?” Audrey interrupted. “The look on his face when he handed his daughter to his mother for the first time…that is not a man who sees an obligation, and you know Monica is going to live on that moment for months.”

And Audrey was right, because she had seen Jason holding Cady, and she’d seen the love in his eyes, the way his face had lit up. And when he’d given her to Monica, calling her our daughter, and adding his last name…it was everything she wanted that moment to be.

Which meant that Jason had been hiding that love for months. No matter how much she had begged for honesty, he’d kept that locked away.

“I do believe differently now. I know he loves her. I just…want to make sure I do everything I can to give Cady a good life. With parents who love her always…” She cleared her throat. “But Nadine told me all summer to just talk to him. Carly told me to talk to him. And I never did. I let the way I thought he felt color my emotions, and I told him that he hadn’t…given me a reason to stay…except I know he wants me to.”

“So maybe, my darling, the next time you talk to him, you actually listen.” Audrey leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “You’ve been through so much, Elizabeth. But you know, if it lead you to this point, to that beautiful little girl, then perhaps…it was worth the journey.”

“Now, that I believe,” Elizabeth laughed, squeezing her grandmother’s hand. “I can’t believe you’re on Jason’s side, Gram. You realize how impossible that sounds to me.”

“Well, I could have fought you tooth and nail, but you made it abundantly clear years ago you would do as you like.” Audrey smiled. “I learned that for sure the day you ran away with Lucky Spencer, and if that hadn’t gotten through my skull, the moment you told me you were moving out because I trying to send Jason away.”

“You know…Gram….” Elizabeth winced. “Nothing happened that winter. I know what people were saying, but…it wasn’t like that. Jason needed a place to stay, and I was just helping him—”

“Well…” Audrey leaned back. “I can’t say I’m not relieved. You were a little young, but…” she sighed. “He was always so good to you. And even now, I see the way he looks at you, how he treats you. I will never understand his lifestyle, but it is not for me to accept.” She touched Elizabeth’s chin. “All I want is for you to light up again, and you did that last night when you brought that angel into this world, and when you saw Jason hold her, that light was burning brightly. Hold on to that feeling, and I’ll be satisfied.”

The door opened and Elizabeth’s eyes widened when she saw Emily step in, hesitantly. “Hey…do you…can I come in?”

Elizabeth felt her grandmother tense at her side, so she patted her grandmother’s shoulder. “It’s all right, Gram. Can you give us some time?” She smiled. “Maybe go develop your film and show off to the rest of the staff.”

“That is an excellent suggestion.” Audrey kissed Elizabeth’s forehead, kissed Cady goodbye before pausing next to Emily. “She’s just had a baby, so I hope you’re planning on being civil.”

With that, she left the room, leaving the former best friends alone. Emily shifted uncomfortably and looked toward the bassinet. “The…hospital gossip is that you named her Cadence.”

“I did.” Elizabeth nodded. “Cadence Audrey Caroline Morgan.” She took a sip of water her grandmother had left at her bedside. “I didn’t get the chance to thank you after…the attack in October—”

“No, no.” Emily held up her hand. “You have nothing to thank me for.” She sighed. “God, this is so much harder than I thought it would be, because I had planned it all out in my head—what I would say to you, and then what I would say to Jason, but it’s all gone now. I…I’ve been a bitch.”

Elizabeth arched an eyebrow. “No arguments here.”

Emily smiled then, somewhat sheepishly. “And you didn’t deserve it. I can…see it now. After your botched kidnapping, I felt so guilty. And even before that, I was trying to understand why I was so angry, when you were right all along — I had broken up with Zander over a year earlier.”

“Em…”

“And I never once asked you to explain,” Emily hurried to continue. “I did what I always do with you. I looked at the situation and judged without context. Like I did with Jason that winter. I assumed you were sleeping with him, even though you would have told me something like that, and then you rightfully refused to tell me anything substantial when I was such a brat. I always do that to you, Liz. I’m sorry.”

“Emily…that was years ago—”

“But it starts back there,” Emily said, stepping towards her. “I was so angry when Lucky came home, because he didn’t come home. Not all the way. We all knew it. And I was so angry with you—”

“Me?” Elizabeth repeated. “Why?”

“Because you were Lucky’s girlfriend. You loved him, and he loved you, and you were always so perfect together. And I thought if you’d stop…” She huffed, rolling her eyes. “It sounds so stupid when I say it out loud, but I thought if you’d stop worrying about Jason, and just concentrated on Lucky, he would come back all the way. Except he never did. Even now, when he’s mostly okay, he’s still not Lucky.”

“Oh…Emily…”

“So I was angry about that, even though it was my fault, too. We all refused to see Lucky wasn’t the same. We ignored all the signs, blamed you for them. And he spent so much longer under Helena’s control. If we could have seen it earlier…so I blamed you even more, because you knew him better than anyone else, so if you didn’t see the signs, it was your fault. You weren’t looking hard enough.”

Elizabeth closed her eyes and tried not to be annoyed, tried to remember Emily was a year younger than her, that they had all handled Lucky’s problems in their own ways. “So this anger fed into your reaction over Zander.”

“That’s what Lainey, my therapist says,” Emily said. “I started seeing her after your kidnapping attempt. And it’s why I came home, and immediately befriended my brother’s girlfriend, even though I knew he’d broken up with you and started seeing her right away. I let what Courtney tell me color our conversations, because I was always looking for reasons why everything was your fault.” She took a deep breath. “But it wasn’t. I’m just sorry I had to sacrifice our friendship, my relationship with my brother…” And now she cast her eyes towards the bassinet. “And chances of knowing my niece.”

Because Emily did look upset, did appear regretful, Elizabeth just sighed. “I want to say that we can forgive each other. Because we’ve gone through so much, but I just…I don’t know, Em. I really needed you last spring, and you couldn’t hear me.”

“I know.” Emily swiped at her eyes. “And I made the situation so much worse when I hinted to Ric. I would take that back a thousand times if I could, Elizabeth. I promise you that. I wish I could make it better, that I could make it so it never happened—”

“But it’s not like I’ve never made a mistake.” Elizabeth said. She bit her lip. “We may never be that close again, I don’t know. But at the end of the day, we go back a long way. And you are Jason’s sister. He loves you. So…” She shrugged. “Go pick up your niece.”

Emily’s eyes brightened. “Really?”

“Yes. I know you’ll love her as much as we do,” Elizabeth said, believing that for the first time. “So…what are you waiting for?”

Emily scooted over and lifted the newborn into her arms. “Oh, she’s so gorgeous. You’re calling her Cady for short? I just love that. It’s original, and it’s all her own.” She made a cooing noise. “Oh, she is going to have Jason wrapped around her finger, I can just see it now.”

Elizabeth smiled faintly. She was hoping that was true, but it was nice to hear others say the same.

The door to the room opened and Jason stepped, in a brown bag from Kelly’s. His eyes zeroed in on his sister, and Elizabeth saw him tense. “Emily.”

“Jason…” Emily took a deep breath. “I just…came to clear the air with Elizabeth. To meet my niece.” She looked down at Cady. “Elizabeth…said I could hold her.”

Jason glanced at her, and she was grateful for that—for him to look to her for confirmation, because she knew the distance between them had been a result of his protection of her, of her health. “Elizabeth?”

“Jason, relax.” Elizabeth shifted in her bed. “Tell me that’s Ruby’s chili, or at least as good as Don can make it.”

“It is.” Jason set the bag on her table that hung partially over the bed and stripped off his leather jacket. He looked at Emily. “So…things are good?”

“They’re better,” Emily clarified. She stepped towards them and handed Cady over to him. “I…have a lot to make up for. To both of you. I’ve been…working some things out, and I just…” She took a deep breath, and smiled even though her eyes were miserable. Jason wasn’t giving her much to work with. “I have to get back to work, anyway. My break’s over. I’ll…call you, Liz.”

When she was gone, Jason adjusted Cady a little higher in his arms, but Elizabeth was pleased to see he made no move to hand her over or put her back in the bassinet. “It was really okay?”

“Yeah. We cleared the air. We’re not back to where we were, but…” Elizabeth hesitated. “We were honest with each other, and that’s…important.”

“Yeah.” Jason took a deep breath. “I shouldn’t have gone to Puerto Rico. I knew it even when I decided to go, and Sonny warned me, but I thought…with what you’d said after the baby shower, it would be…”

“Jason, the day is going to come when you and I are going to sit down and we’re going to be honest with each other again. Like that day we sat in your penthouse after I moved in, and cleared most of the air.” Elizabeth reached out for his band. “Because if this is ever going to work, we’re both going to have to stop protecting ourselves. I don’t want to live half a life when I think that I…and my daughter…that we’d be so much happier with you.”

“I want you both to be happy with me, too,” Jason admitted.

“But that day is not this day,” Elizabeth said. “Not when I’m less than twenty-four hours out of labor, and I can smell that chili. Now gimme.”

Thursday, December 5, 2003

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Jason waited for Francis to push open the door before he stepped inside, Cady’s baby carrier in his one hand and Elizabeth’s duffel bag over his shoulder. He stepped aside to watch as Elizabeth gingerly stepped over the threshold. Behind her, Cody and Marco had flowers, stuffed animals and other various presents Elizabeth had received while in the hospital. “Do you want that stuff in the nursery?”

“Um…” Elizabeth paused by the desk and considered. Jason set Cady on top of the desk and the bag next to her. “Yes. But…just put it in the empty corner, because I don’t know how I’m going to arrange any of it yet.”

“Sure thing, Miss Webber.” Cody nodded, and he squared his shoulders, probably trying to look as tough and professional as always, but it was difficult while he was carrying the giant teddy bear Nikolas Cassadine had had delivered. He and Marco started up the stairs.

“Do you want to sit?” Jason asked. “Carly set up the portable crib down here if you don’t want to take Cady upstairs just yet—”

“Jason…” She put a hand on his arm. “Relax. I’m tired, and I’m sore. But I’m fine. I’ve been sitting for the last week, too uncomfortable to move.” She leaned over Cady’s carrier and smoothed the baby’s almost non-existent fluff of dark hair. “I’m nervous,” she confessed. She smiled as the two guards, finished with their duty, headed out of the penthouse.

Jason frowned. “Why? We have everything—”

“I’ve never been a mother before,” Elizabeth explained. “It’s easy right now, because she’s so good. She sleeps, but…” She huffed. “She’s going to cry, and what if I don’t know what kind of cry it is? How do I know if she’s hungry, or scared or lonely?”

“It’s not easy.” Jason lifted the carrier in his hand and led her over to the sofa, where he put Cady on the coffee table, knowing Elizabeth would sit. “I didn’t know with Michael, but I figured…if he was hungry, he’d eat. So I’d give him a bottle, and if he didn’t want that, then if I held him, he wouldn’t scared or lonely. And eventually, he was on a routine with his feedings, and you know…their crying is different. It’s not always the same for every emotion.”

Elizabeth froze, her hand halfway in the air before turning back to him. “Jason…”

He didn’t meet her eyes, just stared at the baby, hoping she would wake up, stop this conversation. He wasn’t ready for it. To admit to Elizabeth that he hadn’t trusted her. Not all the way.

“I never…” Elizabeth cleared her throat. “I should have thought about it. About Michael. And…” She twisted on the sofa, and he only sighed when he saw her wince. “But I guess…I just didn’t. I…” Her shoulders slumped. “Did you think I would take her away?”

“I…” And of course, now that she was looking at him, asking him this question, he realized just what an idiot he’d been, because of course she wouldn’t take Cady away. “No. But—”

“I guess you didn’t think Robin or Carly would either,” Elizabeth said, but he saw the hurt in her eyes, in the way her mouth was set in a line.

“Elizabeth—” But he had no defense. None at all. “It’s not that I…”

“No, I guess…” Elizabeth sighed, her fingers feathering over her daughter’s cheek. “I guess I even understand it. You loved Robin, and for God knows what reason, you trusted Carly. And it’s not…like I haven’t given you reason to distrust me—”

He was not going to let her blame herself for his idiocy. “Elizabeth, it’s not…” He took a deep breath. “I didn’t…consciously think you would let me fall in love with your daughter and then take her away. I never thought you’d do what Robin did. And I know you’re not insane enough to do what Carly did. But…”

“You’ve been telling me all along in your own way.” Elizabeth tucked her hair behind her ears. “I just didn’t hear what you trying to tell me. I never stay.” She shrugged. “Not news. But Jason…you never stay either.”

“I—” And he couldn’t deny that. He had walked away first, that winter before Lucky was back. And he’d left town after she walked away in the park. And maybe she had physically left the penthouse the year before, but he’d pushed her out, he could see that now. “I know that.”

“So what are we left with?” she murmured. “Two people who don’t trust the other to stay. Can…can we even get past that?”

“If we want to.” Jason reached for her hand. “We used to trust one another. To take what the other said for face value.”

“When we were just friends,” Elizabeth replied with a smile. “But you started trying to protect me that winter, in my studio. Started trying to make decisions for me, when I told you wanted you around. Trying to protect to me. It’s…when our feelings started to change, at least for me, I started…to become guarded because I was…” She laughed, an almost exasperated sound. “I was so afraid you’d see how I felt on my face, and I wasn’t ready to deal with how I felt, much less to have you let me down gently.”

“Why would I have done that?” Jason frowned. “You knew…how I felt about you.”

“Not…entirely.” Elizabeth pursed her lips, trying to explain. “I thought I’d see you look at me, particularly that second time you stayed in the studio, when I was seeing Lucky. And I…I guess…I had mostly assumed that the way I’d felt the year before, had faded. I mean, you were this gorgeous guy with a great smile who spent half the time living with me with your shirt open because I was changing your wound.” Her cheeks flushed and he grinned. “And you were this great listener.” She wrinkled her nose. “I saw you looking at me, sometimes then. But I didn’t…say anything then, because…” she shrugged.

“I’m not sure what would have happened if either of us had given in to how we felt then,” Jason said quietly. He looked at their fingers laced together. “I thought maybe you were too young. And you were starting to get past Lucky, but you weren’t there yet. I was…dealing with my own stuff. But…that last day, when I tried to say goodbye.”

“I wanted you to kiss me,” Elizabeth confessed, with a guilty smile. “When you leaned in toward me, I thought…just for a second, you might.”

“I considered it, but it wouldn’t have been fair.” Jason exhaled slowly. “So you’re right. I was already making decisions for you because of how I felt. I should have kissed you any of the dozen times I thought about it. Every time you hugged me, or kissed me on the cheek. How many times we came close that last time I was home…I kept waiting for you to make the decision, because it was your life that would change. You were the one who had to make the choice.”

“We’ve wasted a lot of time, Jason,” she said softly. “Are we going to keep wasting it? Or are we going to stop looking for reasons to walk away. It’d be easy. It’d be safer, maybe. But I…” She closed her eyes and seemed to come to some sort of inner decision. “I’ve loved you since I was eighteen years old, and maybe I’ve even been in love with you for as long. But I don’t want to be in love by myself anymore. It’s too hard. It’s lonely.”

“You’re not.” Jason reached out, and feathered the back of his hand down her cheek. “You’re not alone. I…I love you, too. And I don’t want to waste another minute.”

And apparently, neither did Cady, because the newborn’s eyes fluttered, she hiccupped, and then she wailed, and their conversation was over for the moment.

And I would let you know
You cannot walk away
Cause there are things to say
And I know that you might
Not see this tonight
But there are things to say
We have life to make
– Things to Say, SafetySuit

Friday, January 9, 2004

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

“Every time I see her,” Emily said, smiling even as she changed Cady’s diaper, “her face is changing. She looks so much like you.” She smiled at her friend, relieved to be in the same room as Elizabeth and Nadine.

“Thank you!” Elizabeth rolled her eyes. “I asked Jason if he thought she had my eyes and you know what he said to me?”

“She has her own eyes?” Emily suggested, and three of them laughed, because even Nadine knew how literal Jason could be by this point. “Yeah, he’s annoying like that.” She looked down at the eyes in question and smiled. “I was hoping she might have Jason’s eye color, but I think they’re going to be more like yours, Elizabeth.” She handed over the infant.

Elizabeth hesitated and frowned at her. “Why do you think that?”

“Yeah, I read that baby’s eye colors change constantly over their first year.” Nadine leaned over to peer at them. “They’re like…grayish.”

Elizabeth sniffed. “They’re slate-blue,” she said, and Emily rolled her eyes. Trust Elizabeth to be picky over color.

“I say that,” Emily said, “because I don’t know much about genetics, but Jason’s eyes are really light, so if they were going to be that color, they would be already. Eyes change color because of pigment, and it goes without saying that light blue eyes don’t need a lot of pigment.”

“Fair point,” Nadine nodded.

Emily frowned when Elizabeth looked uncomfortable with the turn in conversation. She thought it would be great if Cady had her father’s eyes, because they were Lila’s eyes, but Elizabeth’s were nice, too. At least she knew they were going to be blue…

And then looked at Cady again. At her eyes. Which had been light blue when she’d been born, and now they were darkening.

She cleared her throat. “So, how is it being new parents? Are you and Jason…adjusting well?” When Elizabeth hesitated, Emily sighed, because even though they’d been trying, she knew Elizabeth was apprehensive about sharing anything personal with her. Not that Emily could blame her, since she’d royally screwed up the last time her friend had confided in her. But she had worked through her anger—had even had a long web chat with Lucky to clear the air.

“You don’t have to answer that.” Emily forced a smile on her face. “How long before she rolls over? Or sits up?”

“I…” Elizabeth wrinkled her nose and leaned over to place Cady in her bouncing seat on top of the coffee table. She flicked it on, and the baby began to lightly bounce. “No, it’s okay, Em. If we’re going to be friends again, really friends, we have to start somewhere.”

“Great, because I have been dying to ask.” Nadine popped a handful of popcorn in her mouth. “I’ve been so busy with my sister and then Christmas at the hospital that I haven’t been able to bug you. Last I heard, you kicked Jason out of the delivery room.”

“Yeah, I heard about that through the hospital grapevine, but you know, you’re not the only mom to do that, according to Kelly.” Emily shrugged.”

“Well, to be honest, Em…Jason and I had a lot of rough patches,” Elizabeth said slowly. “When this started, it was just…it was a mess. I mean…” She shifted and cast her eyes away. “You know we hurt a lot of people with how it started.”

“Because of me,” Emily said. “You don’t have to sugarcoat it.”

“I was hoping we wouldn’t,” Nadine murmured and Emily shot her a look. “What? Hey, I’m glad you guys are okay now, which means hopefully you’ll stop shooting me dirty looks in the hallway, but I’m a straight shooter. You were a turd.”

“Don’t…” Elizabeth sighed. “Don’t start. Emily, Nadine has been there for me when you just…wouldn’t be. So she’s annoyed on my behalf, because she was also my OB nurse, and so she knows about my blood pressure problems, which was…part of the reason I moved in with Jason in the first place.” She cast her eyes to Nadine, and Emily nodded. Smack her down, too. “And Nadine, I appreciate it, but Emily and I are doing better.”

“Fair enough.” Nadine sipped her soda.

“Understood,” Emily said.

“Now…like I said, I didn’t move in with Jason for romantic reasons. They were purely practical. He was concerned…about my health. And….we were still tiptoeing around each other. We made things…more difficult than they had to be. So, I made him talk to me about some of the things that went wrong. We started to clear the air. And then…” Her face flushed and she looked away. “We…started to…get closer.”

Emily grimaced. “Got it. Sexy sexy good times with my brother. You can save those details for Nadine.”

“Because how else shall I live vicariously through her?” Nadine sighed, dreamily. “They’re good details, though, Em. You might want to try sitting through them. There’s a great pool table story—”

“Anyway.” Elizabeth rolled her eyes. “We weren’t talking about what was next. How we were going to deal with Cady…he was always so uncomfortable when we talked about her. I just…thought he might not love her as much as he could because of how it started.”

Emily opened her mouth, because really what nonsense, and then she closed it. Because she got it. She understood it all. Cady’s eyes were darkening, would probably end up being brown by the end of the year. And Elizabeth had quit her job and moved in with Jason for safety reasons.

And then someone had tried to kidnap her.

She squared her shoulders. “Well, I guess you’ve worked it out mostly, then.”

“It was touch and go for a while, and I think Jason thought I was going to leave him after she was born. So he took a trip to Puerto Rico right before she was due.” Elizabeth changed the speed on the seat from fast to slow. “I knew he had to go, that it had to be Sonny or Jason, and Carly would have cut Sonny if he’d disappeared five seconds after Morgan was born when he’d been gone for weeks last summer.”

“Still,” Emily said, “it must have hurt for you to think he would miss his daughter’s birth.”

“And that’s why I threw him out of the delivery room. But I guess the way I did it, or whatever Carly babbled at him afterwards, did the trick. We’re not perfect yet,” Elizabeth added. “But it’s been great this last month. You know what a wonderful father he was to Michael, Em.”

“I do. And any thoughts Jason might have had about how Cady got here, it’s clear he doesn’t see her that way now.” Emily tucked her hair behind her ears. “Right?”

“Yes,” Elizabeth confirmed. “I mean…there’s still some things up in the air. We both still have trust issues, but we’re making a conscious effort to talk about them now, and not just assume.” This last past she addressed to Nadine, and Emily tried not to feel left out as it was clear that she was receiving the glossed over version and Nadine had been privy to the details.

She could not be angry that Elizabeth had found someone she was close to, someone to take on the role of best friend and confidant. As Jason’s sister and Elizabeth’s best friend, it should have been her. And it was her own fault it hadn’t been.

“Well, hello, it’s all I’ve been saying since day one.” Nadine looked to Emily. “Months, I tell you. Months, I spent telling her just to talk to him. I almost talked to him myself.”

“Ha, that I would have liked to see.” Emily smiled, and reminded herself again, she had no one to blame but herself for being on the outside looking in. She looked at Elizabeth. “So you’re going to be okay?”

“All things considered…” Elizabeth’s mouth curved into a smile as she looked at her daughter. “I’m going to be great.”

The door opened then, and Jason entered. He stopped, seeing the living room full of women. “Ah…” He cleared his throat. “I can come back.”

Elizabeth laughed and rolled her eyes. “Like you don’t live here. Nadine has a shift in a half hour anyway, and it’s time for Cady to go down for a nap.” She unstrapped her daughter from the seat. She and Nadine said their goodbyes, and with minutes, Emily was alone with her brother.

Elizabeth had forgiven her much more easily than her brother, and with what Emily had realized during this visit, she wasn’t sure why either of them were even speaking to her. It was clear that Cady was not Jason’s biological daughter, which meant she had set Ric on Elizabeth all those months ago, when she’d been trying to prove something to herself. She had put Elizabeth and her child in danger, and Jason had spent months cleaning up the mess.

Sure, it had worked out in some ways. Even she could see that Jason was happier with Elizabeth than he’d been with Courtney—she couldn’t understand why she’d ever felt differently. And Elizabeth was certainly happier. Cady couldn’t do better for a father.

But at the end of the day, Emily had been the reason for it. Emily was the reason her best friend and her child were probably still in danger.

She hesitated and looked at Jason. “You know that I love you, right?”

Jason sighed and lowered himself onto the sofa. “Yeah. I know that.”

“And…I know what I did…all the things I did, but especially telling Ric Elizabeth was pregnant was wrong. I mean, I only hinted to him, but I made it clear. And I know…that made everything so much more difficult.”

Even if she’d only doubted before, the way Jason’s eyes snapped to hers told her everything she needed to know. And she was heartbroken because it was clear that it was probably something Elizabeth would have told her, if they’d been friends.

“Emily—”

“Because you and Elizabeth didn’t get to handle this the way you wanted to,” Emily cut in swiftly. “I mean, you guys probably had a plan how to break the news, and I just…ruined it. And then I treated Liz like crap for weeks. I didn’t even think about what it might be doing to her health until you…until that day at Kelly’s. And I felt so stupid, because I’m a med student. I should have. I made everything worse.”

“It’s over now, Emily.” Jason shrugged. “It was up to Elizabeth to forgive you—”

“And for some reason, she has, but I know…you haven’t.” Jason didn’t look at her, and she sighed. “It’s okay. You shouldn’t. I know now how ridiculous I was, how stupid I was to assume I knew better than you what you needed. I look at you now, with Elizabeth and with Cady, and I see the way it should have been ages ago. Would have been if I’d been a better friend and stopped pressuring her to fix Lucky and follow her heart. So, you have my promise now, Jason. I have learned my lesson. From now on, you have my unwavering support.”

She stood and leaned over to kiss his cheek. “You are my brother, and I just want you to be happy. And Elizabeth is my oldest friend, so that’s what I want for her. Lucky for me, I don’t have to worry anymore, because you going to make each other happy.” She drew on her jacket and wrapped her scarf around her. “Let Liz know I had to go—”

Jason got to his feet and wrapped her in a tight hug. “I love you, too, Em.” He drew back and with a half-smile that she knew meant she was forgiven. “Just…don’t do it again.”

Morgan Penthouse: Nursery

Elizabeth was standing over Cady’s crib when she felt Jason standing in the doorway. She glanced at him. “Did you and Em talk? I tried not to make it obvious.”

“I figured when Nadine looked surprised to learn she was leaving.” But he didn’t look annoyed, only…contemplative. He joined her, and they watched their daughter sleep.

“Emily knows.”

Elizabeth’s hand froze as she leaned down to stroke Cady’s back. She raised her eyes to Jason. “W-What?”

“I don’t…know how she guessed it,” Jason continued. “But the way she was talking…about having created this mess. If she believed the lie, she wouldn’t have been so forceful about it. She kept saying she’d made it worse.”

She sighed. “I thought she might have suspected. Nadine and I haven’t really had a chance to get together since she came back from New York, with Cady and Christmas, so she asked me how you and I were doing. She’d heard the rumors about the delivery room.” She looked at him, her heart aching. “I am so sorry I did that to you. For one thing, you missed her being born. And secondly, I know if too many people talked, it might have created problems.”

“I don’t…I don’t care about any of that.” Jason shook his head. “You…did what you had to do get through that moment, and you and I were…not talking. We were both protecting ourselves.”

Still. “Anyway,” Elizabeth continued. “I tried to give Em the cliff notes version on why that happened, how us not talking snowballed until I kicked you out. But while Nadine could swallow a story about me not thinking you were interested in your own child, Emily actually knows us. Which means she knows how you felt about Michael, and she also knows that I know it, too. So…she just looked at me.”

“I don’t think she’ll say anything,” he said after a moment. “Because she was there when you were almost kidnapped. And it looks like you guys cleared the air as to why you were fighting in the first place. Honestly…I don’t think Emily would have said anything all summer, even when you weren’t talking. There’d be no point.”

“I don’t think she’ll say anything, either.” Elizabeth rested her head against his shoulder. “I shouldn’t stand in here while she’s sleeping. I know it might wake her up.”

“And yet you do it all the time,” he said, voice teasing.

“I just…don’t like her being out of my sight,” she sighed. “I can see for myself that she’s safe.”

He wrapped an arm around her waist and tucked her into her side. “I know you’re still scared.”

“But it’s so much worse now, Jason,” she confessed. “Before, I carried her inside of me. I could protect her. And now, she’s her own person. If they got past me—”

“They’re not going to—”

“But they could. I’m not saying it wouldn’t take a catastrophe. I know if they got to me, it’s because they’ve gone around you and Sonny…which is no minor feat…” Elizabeth closed her eyes. “But I find myself and looking at her and imagining the worst case scenarios. I just want to protect her.”

“I know. We’re doing everything we can—”

“What is he waiting for?” The words burst out of her in a harsh whisper, and Jason led her away from the crib and into the hallway. She kept herself together until they were in their bedroom and then she just couldn’t. “Why doesn’t he just come for her? Why doesn’t he go after you? Or Sonny? What is the point of all this, Jason? What is he doing? It’s been almost a year!”

He dipped his head and drew in a deep breath. “I know. I want him to come at me, so I can end this, and it makes Sonny nervous that Ric’s just…circling. He didn’t show this level of patience last year.” He drew her close and she pressed her face into the warmth and comfort of his shirt. “We think he just can’t get to you. You rarely leave the penthouse, especially not since Cady was born. I’m always with you when you do. When you do go out without me, you take two guards for you and one for Cady.”

She huffed. “So you’ve done such a good job of protecting us that we’ve drawn it out this long.” She tilted her head back and smiled wryly at him. “It sounds insane. But…no, I guess you’re right. I don’t go anywhere alone, which I used to find restricting, but after I woke up in the hospital, Nadine across the hall from me recuperating from a bruised back…I don’t care if I ever leave this penthouse if it means our daughter is safe.”

“He’s been more patient than I would have thought possible.” His hand smoothed up and down her back. “Especially working with Faith Roscoe. She’s more hotheaded than that, or we thought so. But I’m getting tired of it, too, Elizabeth. I don’t want you to live like this. I don’t want Cady’s first months to be like this. I mean, it’s winter now and it’s not like she’d be out much anyway.”

“But I want to take her for walks in the spring,” Elizabeth murmured. “I want us to have a normal life. Well…as normal as it can get anyway. With just one guard.”

“I know.”

She drew back again, letting some space fill in between their bodies. “I’m not blaming you for not finding him. You know that, right?”

He rubbed the edge of his eyebrow. “I’m blaming me for letting him walk away that day on the docks. For not realizing Sonny would eventually overlook the brother thing. I had my hands wrapped around his neck…” He trailed off. “I shouldn’t…talk like that in front of you.”

“Oh…for…” Elizabeth sighed and rolled her eyes. “Jason, do you honestly think I’m unaware of what you do for a living? Or do you prefer to think I am?”

“I…” He hesitated. “I don’t know the answer to that.”

She pulled away from him and sat on the edge of the bed. “I mean, it’s not like I want specifics or…” She waved her hand. “Itineraries of your daily activities, but please give me some credit.”

Jason just stood in front of her, blinking at her. Well, maybe they did need to have this conversation. “You remember when you said you didn’t want my face to change?”

He exhaled slowly, and looked away but offered a short nod.

“Well, all summer, you and Sonny have hunted down Ric and Faith. You toss around words like deal with and handle, but Carly and I both know what they mean. And the reasons I walked away from you that October?” She shrugged. “Those were about trust. About the way you treated me. Made me feel like I didn’t matter. Not because of your job.”

“Elizabeth—”

“Maybe you would prefer it if I pretended I didn’t know better.” Elizabeth tilted her head to the side. “Would it make you feel better if I thought you imported coffee beans?”

He sat next to her on the bed, and shook his head. “No. But that’s not same thing as wanting you to know what I am.”

“What you are?” she echoed. “Jason, in a perfect mafia world, you wouldn’t have to…” She shrugged. “Enforce anything. You and Sonny could just break all the gaming and smuggling laws you want. Or whatever laws get broke when you do what you do. I’ve never really thought about it, honestly.”

“A perfect mafia world?” And she was surprised to see a smile ghost across his lips. “Elizabeth.”

“Jason, I know why Sonny got in this business. He didn’t have power growing up, so he went out and took it. You…didn’t have a future. Direction. Nothing else really to live for. So Sonny gave you something. He gave you a code, maybe. Or…” She reached into his lap and took his hand in hers. “It’s not as if either of you sat down and decided to enjoy a life of violence. It’s a byproduct of the other stuff, and it’s not something either of you relish.”

“And that makes it okay for you?” Jason asked. “How—”

“It doesn’t need to be okay for me. I don’t have to go out and do what you do.” She leaned her head against his shoulder. “Jason, at the end of the day, I love you. And I’ll tell you that as often as you need to hear it until you believe that I see who you are. The good, the bad. I know your virtues and I know your flaws. And the only thing that I don’t like…” He raised his head at that and met hers. “I don’t like that sometimes you think it’s more important for the other person to be happy than it is for you. You don’t reach out for what you want enough.”

“It’s not always there for me to have,” he said quietly. “So reaching out for nothing…”

“But if you don’t reach out, it won’t be there.” She sighed. “Jason, I was making plans to move out while you were in Puerto Rico. I hadn’t spoken to Sonny, but I thought…there must be another apartment in this building that we could make as secure as the penthouse. Because you just…wouldn’t look me in the eye and tell me that you were unsure of your role in my daughter’s life. Instead, you spent months avoiding the question, to the point that I thought you couldn’t love her because her Ric’s blood ran through her veins.”

“I never cared about that.” He shook his head. “But…I knew you were thinking it. Even before you said it that day in the nursery. Carly warned me for months. Sonny did, too. But I just didn’t…I don’t know. I would tell myself to stop it, to go to your appointments and be involved, but I just couldn’t…do it.”

“I don’t want you to think this was all your fault, though.” Elizabeth nudged his side. “Because it’s not like I spoke up either. We’d spent months avoiding each other’s existence, trying to pretend we could move on. I hated every minute you were with Courtney, but I kept telling myself maybe she gave you what you needed. Maybe she could make you happier than I could, and I really thought….that would be enough for me.”

“With Courtney…it was just…” He took a deep breath and looked at her. “I cared about her. I won’t lie and say I didn’t. But I didn’t at first. And never the way she needed me to. At first, it was just…you were gone, and she was there. I kept…hearing your words about being Sonny’s enforcer and that was all…I wanted to make that go away…”

“I am so sorry I said those things to you,” she murmured. “I…lash out when I’m angry, but I shouldn’t have done that. And I shouldn’t have frozen you out when you came to see me the next day.”

“Knowing what I know now…and even what I knew then, I knew how upset you were. But it just…kept spiraling out of control. Because Alcazar was still out there, and Sonny was still…insisting I guard Courtney, and I didn’t want to rock the boat with him, because he was still in difficult place. And then you went off with Lucky.”

She wrinkled her nose. “Yeah. It was just to get my mind off things. I thought I’d head out of town for a while, figure things out. Get my head clear, get away and maybe I’d be less upset when I came home.” Elizabeth sighed. “But when I came back…you were married to Brenda. And I just…I felt like I didn’t even know you anymore. And I was…almost sure something was happening with Courtney. So…I was angry. And then…” She looked away, looked at their joined hands. “Ric was there.”

“Because of me,” he said tightly, but she shook her head.

“He approached me because of you, but I was lonely. A-and I wasn’t feeling particularly good about myself. You know…maybe if Courtney had just…been a brunette.” She huffed. “Another dumb blonde. Story of my life.”

He frowned, shaking his head. “What?”

“All my life, guys went for Sarah first,” Elizabeth clarified. “Even when I moved to town, Lucky wanted Sarah. He got over her, and we connected. But you know, in the end…he slept with her. And then you and Courtney, and Ric and Faith.” She grimaced. “Why can’t there be more redheads? Anyway. So, there I was, in my eyes, left for another blonde, feeling like I could never quite measure up, and Ric…had apparently done some really good research.” She rolled her eyes, feeling stupid all over again.

“Elizabeth, he was a con artist,” Jason told her. “He snowed Carly. He snowed Hector Ruiz and Daniel Vega, and without going into details, to say that they’re not exactly gullible would be an understatement. It was my fault Ric went after you, and it was my fault you were in a position to feel vulnerable.”

“Jason, you do not get take responsibility for everything. Let me own up to my own mistakes. There were signs Ric wasn’t telling the truth. I would catch him in lies. He could never explain why he had to work for Sonny. But…h-he was charming. And he made time for me. And he told me how much he cared about me. He gave me all the words that I wanted from you and never got. But that’s my fault. For thinking that words matter more than actions.” She shook her head. “Anyway. None of this is really the point. What I was trying to say before we got…off on the topic of…well…I was trying to say that you don’t reach out for what you want, but I’m afraid to rock the boat.”

“So…when you were talking about how we were only living in the moment,” Jason said, slowly, “you didn’t see it…us…as temporary. But that we were just…ignoring the next step.”

“Yeah. I mean, we were just…working things out. Jason, we’ve barely dated. In fact…” She laughed slightly. “We dated more before we were involved, so I guess if we count all those rides and the pool playing, and the hot chocolate on the docks…anyway, we skipped all the stuff in between. We’d barely been together and I was living with you. I was afraid that if we talked about Cady in anything other than an abstract concept that needed to be protected from Ric, you would…look at me like I was insane for suggesting that five minutes after we’re together, I’d like you to help raise my daughter. Be her father.”

“I…wanted her to be mine,” Jason admitted. “And maybe that was part of the problem. I didn’t care that Ric was her biological father. I still don’t. He and Sonny share the same blood, and it doesn’t bother me. I just…” He paused. “I would think about her, and know that it was my fault she wasn’t. That if I had just…shown you how much I loved you. If I had told you the truth, or…just shipped Zander off to a damn safe house with a guard…that she could have been mine. And maybe that bothered me more than I’d like.”

“Well, that’s natural.” When he just sighed, she nudged him again with her shoulder. “It is. I don’t regret having her. I love her exactly as she is, but I’d be a liar if I didn’t wish she were yours. I know you don’t like to do that, the what-ifs, but I can’t stop sometimes. So, Jason, she’s not your blood. But you know how it is with Sonny and Carly? Blood doesn’t make a family. They’re your family, it’s why Carly decided to…” She raised her eyebrows. “I don’t know…look after me. Sometimes, you get to choose your family. And I want to choose mine. I want to choose you for me and for Cady.”

“And I want that,” Jason said, his voice low but fervent. “I want to choose you and Cady to be my family. I love you, Elizabeth. I can’t…take back all those times I should have said it and didn’t, but I can say it from now on.”

“I love you, too.” She leaned forward and kissed him with all the love and passion inside her, wrapping her arms around his neck. He deepened the kiss, nipping at her lower lip so she parted them.

He pressed her back into the mattress and she started to lose herself in the moment, before remembering that, unfortunately…she’d given birth the month before. “Jason,” she murmured as his lips trailed down her throat. “As much as I’d like to see this happen…”

His breath was hot on her neck, and he drew back slightly. “You can’t, though.”

“Nope.” She grinned, dancing her fingers up his chest. “At least two more weeks. I go back and see Kelly, then. Maybe she’ll give me the green light.”

He dropped his head against her chest, and she giggled a little, knowing exactly how he felt. She wanted to be close to him, to feel him inside her, knowing that for the first time in years, they had no secrets. No fears. They had done what seemed all those months ago to be impossible…they’d been honest and now they couldn’t even celebrate.

“I should go talk to Sonny.” He rose to his feet, and drew her up with him. “Because you’re right. We need to figure out what Ric’s plan is. I don’t want to put our lives on hold anymore.” He kissed her again, and she almost forgot her doctor’s medical advice.

“I love you,” she murmured against his lips. “And I love that I can say that to you. I never thought we’d get back here. I thought we’d missed our chance.”

Cady’s cry came over the monitor and broke their kiss. She sighed and wiggled her shoulders. “Well, then I guess it’s a good thing we couldn’t do more, because it sounds like Cady’s ready to be fed.” She brushed another kiss against his lips. “You go talk to Sonny, and find something for dinner. I’ll go feed our daughter.”

She glanced over her shoulder to find him smiling at her, and was ridiculously relieved that Carly had talked her out of moving out while he was in Puerto Rico. She might have missed this moment, and she was done wasting time.