Category Archives: Alternate History

April 2, 2014

Timeline

It’s set vaguely in 2014, around February but you really don’t need to know much more than the general history of Elizabeth to get it.

Inspiration

This is a weird little ficlet I wrote in response to prompt from a writing book. You had to write one section beginning with this line: This is what she wants most in the world. and then the second beginning with: She is lying. This is what she wants most in the world.  So it just seemed like the thing to do when I came home from vacation.

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This is what she wants most in the world. She dreams of a second chance to tell the truth. Not one truth in particular, but any truth. All the times when she believed a lie was easier, all the times she tried to protect the people around her with false words…she knows now that the truth will always out.

She lied to protect herself when Lucky chose to go to the dance with her sister, to show she didn’t mind that she was always a consolation prize. She lied every time people asked her if she was doing okay when Lucky died, because they always looked so concerned and even if they knew she was dying inside, what could they do? They couldn’t bring him back, they couldn’t take it away. The lie was easier. Except she very nearly drowned in her lies. She lied without words every time Lucky kissed her and she wished for even the briefest of moments that he was someone else. She lied when she slept with Zander, lied to herself, to him, to Jason. She lied to herself that it meant something, because it had to mean something. She didn’t sleep around, that wasn’t who she was. She lied to Zander, led him to think there was something there that just never was. She lied to Jason, because she didn’t really care what he did to Zander, not really. Not in the scheme of things, not if it meant he would always look through her that way, without looking at her.

It’s almost pathological, a natural instinct to open her mouth and let lies fall from her lips. She lied every time she said she believed Ric, every time she said she trusted him and loved him. Because if she didn’t, she’d be alone, and she was terrified of being alone. She lied to Lucky every time she promised him she loved him best when they both knew they were both just settling. Neither had been happy in love since those halycon days before he died. That boy, her first love, had never returned, so neither had their love and they both knew it. They pretended otherwise, because it was easier to lie to each other and be together, than tell the truth and be alone.

She lied when she told Jason it could only be for one night. She wanted him to argue it, to pursue her, she always wanted him to fight for her, but no one ever did. Only Ric, and that wasn’t helpful. She didn’t want Ric to pursue her, but he was the only one who ever seemed to understand it’s not enough to say words, but follow through. Too bad his love almost killed her.

She lied every time she looked at Lucky told herself she would stick by him until the very end because she loved him, instead of the truth: She’d stick by him because there was nowhere else to go and he’d never abandoned that bleeding broken girl who’d crawled out from the snow. She lied when she turned down Jason’s marriage proposals and wished she’d accepted one of the first two because the third answer had been her honest one, and see there was the reward for telling the truth—nothing. Better to lie.

She lied when she promised she had finally accepted that they could never be together, that his life was too dangerous for a family, but that’s okay because Jason lied, too. He never loved her, she knows this now, because if he’d loved her and meant those words, he never would have had a family with the woman who had tried so very hard to destroy Elizabeth’s. She lied when she told Lucky they had a clean slate, because clean slates were imaginary. The hurt and anger would always be between them.

She lied every time she laid with Nikolas, because it was just another way to lie to herself, to maybe even destroy herself. She lied when she said she didn’t want Lucky to know, because wasn’t that the whole reason she did it? To finally shatter the permanent lock, to do something to drive him so far away from her, he’d never come back?

She lied to herself that she could get on with her life after the death of her little boy, but that was one lie she thought everyone could understand. She still woke in the mornings, took care of her other children, but the light was gone and nothing she could do would ever get it back. She lied when she chose between AJ and Nikolas because the truth was that she had tried very hard to care about them both, but her capacity for love was gone, and all that was left was the pretense.

She lied when she told Robin that she loved Nikolas because it seemed like the thing to say, and she thought Nikolas would leave Britt, to get away from her and her lies because she knew how poisonous a liar could be, just look at her life. All she’d ever done was lie, and all she had to show for it was three kids from three fathers, one of them had died because she couldn’t pay attention, none of the fathers were around, they couldn’t wait to run from her. She was a poisonous liar that didn’t deserve to be happy, which is why she could see it in Britt. Liars always recognize their own.

She lied because the lie was easier in the moment, but the truth would have been better in the long term and that’s the one inheritance from Lizzie Webber, the bitch she’d been before her world was shattered that night in the park, because Lizzie never thought in long-term, never thought about the future. The future couldn’t choke you the way today could. Better get through today, and let tomorrow take care of itself. Because some days it was all she could do get through today.

This is what she wants most in the world. To tell the truth.

She is lying. Again. This is what she wants most in the world. For someone to love her anyway, to understand that she might lie, but it’s instinct because telling the truth has never rewarded her. She’d been honest in her love for Lucky once, and he’d been torn from her. She’d been honest in her friendship with Jason, and he’d left her. She’d been honest with Jason that night in the penthouse, that she wanted to be with him, and he’d disappeared. She had been honest in wanting a life with him and family, but then he’d married another woman. What did honesty get you? No place better than the lie.

So this is what she really wants most in the world. For someone to love her for who she is. Lies and all.

April 1, 2014

Timeline

In 2004, they introduced Diego as a foster son for Courtney (listen — don’t ask) who was later revealed to be the son of Lorenzo Alcazar. Diego floated around a little bit for a year before going to jail in the fall of 2005 for stalking Brooke Lynn Ashton. When his crimes were originally discovered, he kidnapped Georgie and went on the run with her, explaining he’d done it as revenge for Brooke and the others accidentally leading Diego’s cousin, Sage, to her death. (The cousin he didn’t know but sure). Anyway, the performers had a pretty decent level of chemistry, so I was mildly interested.

This short is set during the six months he spent in jail.

Inspiration

In 2006, before Diego returned to the show, I posted a challenge on LiveJournal (isn’t that adorable?)

to write a short piece from the POV of a character you either hate or just find completely worthless in order to get inside their head and think about their motivations. I picked Diego Alcazar, and had him thinking about Georgie while he was in prison.

Of course, a year later, Diego killed Georgie, which always seemed to be a goddamn cop out. So this story fell off my radar, ended up in my LiveJournal archives, almost completely forgotten until I was organizing things in 2004.

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He dreams about her.

He closes his eyes and blocks out the sounds of the inmates at night. He forces out the grunts, the groans–he forgets about the smell of urine that seems spill out of every crack and corner of the cell block. He puts all of that out of his mind for a few brief visions of what it could be like if things were different.

If he’d chosen to follow a different path, if he’d chosen a different life, could he have been worthy of her? Could he have been the one she’d turned to instead of that spoiled rich boy? If he had grown up with her, known her from the beginning, could she have loved him instead?

He doesn’t think about her in the waking hours–it is a conscious decision. Thoughts of her beauty, of her spirit and her generosity don’t belong in this world, in this place and he wouldn’t soil the things he loves best about her by thinking about her when he’s surrounded by violent and disgusting men–men who make his crimes look ordinary and dull.  To think about her while he is in the gym or in the cafeteria or even just playing cards with some of the inmates…it is wrong.

He is playing cards one day and thinking about what he could buy her with the money he wins. A smile crosses his face and one of the inmates crudely asks for details. It is his first and only fight. His knuckles are sore and his nose is broken, but he defended her honor and it makes it all right. He stops thinking about her when he is awake.

But at night, he closes his eyes and sees her smile and pretends it’s for him. He begins to plan in great detail how he will prove himself worthy of her love, how he will earn it. He will make enough money so he can offer the same world her boyfriend can. He will treat her with respect and trust. He will shower flowers and gifts and dress her in silks and satins. He will never make her regret her choice in gifting him with her love and her devotion.

He will make her love him and maybe she can save him. Maybe the dirt, the taint, the sheen of the streets and the things he has done will fade and all that will be left is someone that she deserves. He wants to be someone she deserves. For now, all he can do is plan.

And dream.

Timeline

This is set vaguely in 2006. It’s written from the POV of Georgie about her sister, Maxie. It’s not particularly tethered to any piece of the GH timeline, other than it taking place after the events of that fall: Maxie’s affair with Lucky and the pregnancy she faked to keep him.

Inspiration

In 2006, I was watching Veronica Mars for the first time, and I was inspired by the grief Veronica felt for Lilly.  Ironically, the show killed Georgie a year later and I have never forgiven Guza for the trauma.

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She remembered thinking that the day should have started differently, started with some sort of bang or explosion instead of her alarm clock bursting into song at 7:30 A.M. and she should have been doing something major, something significant when she was told instead of standing behind the counter at Kelly’s, refilling salt canisters and glaring at the back of her soon-to-be ex-husband’s head.

The bell chimed above the door, the double doors swung open and her father stood there. And she knew something awful had happened. Something that put that look onto his face.

And then he spoke and the world stopped.

Life went on afterwards. People went on. They went back to their lives, they kept living, loving, laughing, crying and after a week, after two, it had stopped being the front page news story and it wasn’t mentioned on the evening news.

But she was stuck in that moment, watching over and over again as her strong, wonderful and loving father walked into the diner and told her that her sister had been murdered. That her sister, her other half, her best friend, the bane of her existence and the one person that drove her more insane than anyone else wasn’t living anymore. She was dead, she was gone, she’d been stolen and she was never coming back.

The world kept turning, kept revolving. The sun kept rising and setting and the moon still hung the same way in the sky. But the landscape had changed and it was all wrong and there was something missing.

It wasn’t fair, she kept telling herself. And for a while, she also told herself it wasn’t true. It could never happen, not after losing Jesse. It wasn’t supposed to happen twice in a year, twice in a lifetime.

Her mother stopped. She slept more than she woke, she didn’t eat unless someone put something in front of her. Her father kept working, because that was what he did best. He worked. He worked and he worked and then he worked some more and finally when he passed out, it was on the couch in his office rather than their home. But then he’d wake up and work some more.

She couldn’t understand why people were smiling and how someone could laugh. Couldn’t they feel it? Couldn’t they understand that it was all wrong now? That a piece was missing and now the puzzle would never fit back together?

It was her sister that had been murdered, killed by some stranger on the campus one night before she could return to her dorm. Just stabbed over a twenty dollar bill in her pocket that she’d refused to give up. Twenty dollars and now her sister was gone.

She’d sat through the viewing, watched these people cry, these people who didn’t know her sister, could never know, never understand her, never really value her the way she deserved to be.

No one had ever understood Maxie but she had. Georgie had always understood her sister and always found a way to fix her messes, to keep her safe, to keep her sane and to keep her breathing. She’d understood that her sister didn’t know how to be unselfish and never fully realized that there were other people in the world and that their wants and needs mattered just as much as hers.

Maxie had been selfish, Maxie had been beautiful. Maxie had been a bitch, but she’d been loyal. Maxie was her best friend and Maxie was her worst enemy.

She’d been her sister and that was all Georgie could ever say when people, when her friends, those well meaning people kept asking how she was and if she needed anything and if there was anything they could do.

She couldn’t understand why they kept asking questions they knew the answer to. No, she was not fine. And she needed her sister so unless they could fix that and bring her back, then no, there was nothing they could do. So could they please just shut the hell up and leave her alone?

She imagined her mother would be worried about her if her mother were coherent, if she were able to see past her own grief, her own pain and her father was still searching for Maxie’s killer, so he didn’t even see her anymore.

And then someone had wondered (not to her, but she’d overheard it) how Georgie could miss Maxie, when she’d been nothing but a home wrecking slut with a viperous tongue and had been well on her way to killing herself with alcohol? How could she miss and mourn and grieve for a sister who’d been killing herself anyway?

Because Maxie was hers, the one person in all the world that was hers and no one else’s just like Georgie had been Maxie’s. Because they were family and you never turned your back on family, you never said oh, well, too much drama, I think I’ll find another friend. You were never on your own as long as you had your family. And Georgie had never been alone, never on her own.

But Maxie was gone now and she wasn’t sure if this was going to be the way her life would be forever. If it would always be this sinking sea of black darkness with no light, no break in the waves, no sunlight hitting the surface–just an endless abyss and her, always standing on the precipice, always thinking about going under but never going through with it because knew if she did, she’d see her sister on the other side.

And boy, would Maxie be mad at her for throwing it away.

So she pretended and she lived, and she breathed and she woke in the morning and went back to sleep at night and mostly, she remembered to eat and she went to class and sometimes she even pictured Maxie standing at her side, telling her to live them for both and telling her to laugh, and smile and love but Georgie always ignored that and put it out of her head. Because there was no reason to do any of those things now.

She had no reason to live, but no reason to die and she figured there should always be something in between but she wasn’t sure what that was yet. She wanted to find it one day but then again, what if she found it was nothing at all? So maybe she wouldn’t worry about it.

She’d keep breathing because Maxie would want that. She’d keep living and pretending. And maybe one day, the clouds would clear and there be some sort of epiphany and she’d understand that there was indeed a reason for everything.

But she was beginning to think there wasn’t and that the real mystery of the human soul was why everyone kept breathing when there wasn’t any point.

Timeline

This is set in the fall of 2006, but assumes that the paternity question was cleared up.

Inspiration

In 2006, there was a rumor that in order to ensure Alexis retain custody of Molly, Sam was going to accuse Ric of rape, and Jason was going to corroborate it. Thank the Lord Baby Jesus, this never happened, but I was kind of pissed so I wrote a response.  It received some good responses (pointing out that Ric really was a rapist in many respects) and also calls for continuing. Even if I wanted to continue it, I wouldn’t know what to write, so here ya go.

People have asked for a sequel, and honestly, if I were to write something along these lines — it wouldn’t be a direct sequel but a revisit on the rumor.

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Jason Morgan rarely went to the Port Charles Police Department voluntarily and doing so almost always left a bad taste in his mouth, but for some reason, confirming that Sam had come to him the day after the blackout, informing him that she’d been raped by her mother’s husband…for some reason, this visit felt worse.

He stepped up to his penthouse door and frowned when he realized that Milo Giambetti was standing in front of the door. He had assigned Milo to Elizabeth after the paternity of their child had finally been straightened out and as far as he knew, Elizabeth had a shift at the hospital until eleven that night.

“Is she okay?” Jason questioned.

Milo coughed. “Ah, she was at the hospital when DA Lansing was arrested. She wanted to come straight here.” He jerked a thumb over his shoulder. “She was upset.”

Jason sighed and pushed open his door to find the mother of his child standing across the room, staring out the balcony window. Her arms were tightly crossed and she was turned slightly to the side. “Elizabeth, is everything all right?”

She turned, her hair sliding over her shoulder. Most mornings she was too tired to do anything more than towel dry and brush it out. This second pregnancy had sucked most of her energy and some days it was all she could do to work a single shift when she’d used to regularly pull doubles without blinking an eye. She stared at Jason for a long moment before turning back to the window. “The night we slept together, the night that we conceived our child, you told me that Ric and Sam had slept together, that you had seen them together.”

Jason set his keys and wallet on the table and slowly nodded. “That’s true.”

“Today, I was at the nurse’s station going over Alexis’s chemo schedule with Ric when Detective Rodriguez arrested him for raping Sam McCall on that same night,” Elizabeth said, her voice flat and emotionless. “The night that you saw them and walked away. So I’m confused.” She finally turned to face him and he was startled by the anger in her expression. “If Sam was being raped when you saw her, how could you walk away?”

He should have seen this coming, should have warned Elizabeth about Sam’s plan to secure custody of Molly. But he hadn’t and now he was going to have to find a way to fix this. “Sam wants to get Molly away from Ric–”

“So, she’s lying now?” Elizabeth demanded. “Is that what you’re telling me?”

Jason exhaled slowly. “Yes,” he admitted.

Elizabeth nodded. “Milo told me that you were at the PCPD. And when I called Nikolas to ask about Alexis, he told me that she was also at the station. Apparently, Sam fed the rape story to Nikolas as the truth and he encouraged her to come forward before it was too late to do anything to him. That he would make sure that his cousin got her day in court if that’s what she wanted.” She narrowed her eyes. “Do you know why Nikolas told her that? Because he was with me when we found out that Tom Baker would never be prosecuted for raping me.”

Jason winced. “It’s not like that–”

“It was sickening enough when Sam was blaming the entire night on Ric, claiming that he got her drunk and took advantage of her,” Elizabeth continued ruthlessly, “but I find it disgusting and repugnant that she would lie and say she was raped.” Her voice broke and she pressed a hand to her chest. “Emily and I both went through that kind of terror, and we were both violated in the worst way–”

“Elizabeth, this isn’t like that–”

“When a woman is raped, their life is torn away from them,” Elizabeth continued over him, her watering gaze burning into his. “It’s ripped away, crumpled up and thrown back at them. They’re never the same afterwards. They never look at people the same way, they never think or feel the same. Every man becomes that monster and it never goes away.” She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, drawing back her shoulders as if finding the courage to keep speaking. “I have nightmares, you know. Emily, she has nightmares. Not often and there doesn’t always have to a reason for them, but every once in a while, Tom Baker visits me in my dreams. He throws me to the ground, he rips my clothes off and he forces himself inside me,” her breathing now ragged, her eyes opened slowly and Jason wished that he’d never gone along with this scheme.

“It’s an insult for any woman to claim rape when it isn’t true, but Sam knew what Emily went through. She had a front row seat for that and for her to use rape as an excuse to…what?” Elizabeth demanded. “Get revenge? For Alexis to get custody? It’s disgusting and I thought Sam was better than that. She’s nothing but trash and if you were down there backing her story up, you’re just as disgusting.”

She jerked her coat and slid the strap of her purse over her shoulder. “I’m leaving Milo here. I don’t want you to speak to me and I don’t want you to come near me. I want nothing to do with you–”

Jason caught her arm as Elizabeth passed by him but she wrenched away. “I could accept your job because I knew, at the core, you were a good man. And the life you lead isn’t really so awful because the only people who usually get hurt are the ones who choose to lead it. But I was wrong. I don’t want you anywhere near my children–”

Jason swallowed hard. “I’ll fight for my child, Elizabeth–”

“And you’ll lose,” she said softly. “Because I know enough to bury you. And you know that.” She hesitated. “Ric is a great many things, most of them bad. But he didn’t deserve to be called a rapist when the only mistake he made was sleeping with Sam. You disgust me.”

She walked away, jerked open the door and slammed it shut behind him.

The bad taste in his mouth had somehow magnified and all he felt was hollow inside.

Timeline

This is set in September of 2006, when Elizabeth was worried about the possible paternity of her second child, and she and Patrick were just starting to explore being friends. Patrick and Robin had only really just decided to pursue a serious relationship.

Inspiration

I’m sorry, have you seen Patrick’s dimples?

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September 10, 2006

Metro Court Hotel: Patrick Drake’s Room

Usually, Patrick was happy to see a beautiful woman at his door. In fact, it was only a year ago that he might have thought about charming said beautiful woman into coming in, staying a while–spending some quality time together.

But things were different now and even if he had a shot with this woman (he liked to think he had a shot with all women but this one might be an exception, she usually was) he was pretty sure the concept of a committed relationship meant that charming and seducing her was against the rules.

So instead he ushered Elizabeth Spencer into his hotel room and wondered why the upstanding married woman would be visiting him long after dark.

“I’m sorry to come over like this–” she hesitated, her big blue eyes scanning the room nervously. “I didn’t interrupt anything did I? I mean, I didn’t think–”

Rambling was usually the first and most obvious sign that she was troubled about something. So he took her by the shoulders and directed to her the sofa. “Sit.”

Elizabeth did as instructed, another sign that something was wrong since Elizabeth Spencer never did what she was told the first time. Or the first five times. Somewhat troubled himself now, he started to cross to the mini bar. “You want a drink?”

“I can’t,” Elizabeth said miserably. “I’m pregnant.”

Patrick bobbled the bottle of brandy and nearly dropped it. He set it down with a clink and turned to face her. “Well.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. He was just glad it was not another brunette sitting in front of him, telling him this and looking at him like he was supposed to fix it. He was just adjusting to the idea of monogamy, after all. “Well, I suppose I’ll have that drink after all.” He poured the liquor into a small glass and tossed back the whole thing. “I guess it’s a rocky time to be having a kid, with Lucky going through withdrawl but maybe it’ll help him focus, you know.” There, that sounded mature. Robin would be proud.

“Yes, that would be true,” Elizabeth sank her teeth into her bottom lip. “Except it’s probably not his.”

Another drink was clearly in order. Patrick poured another brandy. “I’m not going to ask,” he muttered to himself. “I’m not going to ask.”

“And I never would have said anything to you except you’re the only person that’s not connected to anyone,” Elizabeth continued. “Emily and Nikolas–they’re too close. My grandmother would never understand. And Jason–” she closed her eyes. “Well. I’m not ready to tell him yet.”

“Oh, good God…” The glass clinked heavily against the bar and he turned to look at her. “You’re not–he’s not–” This is why he didn’t have friends, Patrick reminded himself. Because inevitably they told you things that you really didn’t want to hear. He swallowed hard. “How do you know it’s not Lucky’s?”

“Because Lucky and I were together only once about six weeks ago,” Elizabeth admitted. “And we used condoms. And Jason and I–” she flushed and pulled at her lip some more. “We spent the night together, but, ah, it was more than–I mean to say–”

Patrick held up a hand and closed his eyes. “Please, if you ever cared about me, you’ll stop there.” He hesitated. “What are you going to do?”

Elizabeth huffed and stood, crossing to the large windows that looked over the harbor. “I wish I knew. That’s why I came to you–” She wrapped her arms around her shoulders. “What do you think I should do?”

“Well, that depends–am I the junkie or the criminal?” Patrick replied. He winced. “Not that I’m insulting your taste in men, so to speak. I’m only saying that–” He paused. “Well I don’t know what the hell I’m saying, Elizabeth. I’m the most self-absorbed person in the world, why would you ask me for advice?”

“Please,” Elizabeth snorted. “I’ve seen you with Robin. You’re only self-absorbed when you don’t care about the person you’re talking about.” She eyed him. “Unless I was wrong and we’re not friends–”

“No,” Patrick sighed, resigned to the fact that he was now part of this. “Look, who are you afraid to tell? Is it Lucky or Jason? Because if you’re afraid to tell Jason, then don’t–”

“No, no–” Elizabeth shook her head. “I’m not afraid to tell him. It’s just…I guess it looked like he was finally getting things together with Sam. And I think that this would–it would ruin things.” She pursed her lips. “It’s just–this last month, getting Lucky through the first stages of withdrawl and then–” she blinked. “I’ve been with him every step of the way, for the meetings, for the cold sweats and the more time I try to spend getting him through that…the more I–” She glanced back at him. “Do you think love can be killed?”

Patrick scrubbed his hand through his dark hair and wished like hell he’d sprang for that third drink. “I don’t think it can be killed, no. But I think it can be changed. I don’t think you stop loving someone, but maybe it gets changed into hate or pity or something, and I think it can happen in an instant or in a lifetime.”

“For someone who’s so self-absorbed, that was pretty deep.” Elizabeth smiled faintly. “I think that the moment I walked in on Lucky with Maxie Jones that my love for him either disappeared or it changed into hate, or maybe a mixture of pity and hate. I’m not sure. All I know is there used to be this warmth, this piece of me–” she pressed a fist to her chest, “–and that no matter what happened, no matter how we fought or the things he said to me, it was always there. But I opened that door and that part of me…it just froze.” She met his eyes. “And I realized that I’m not in love with my husband. Not for he is today, or even who he was a year ago when we got married. But I’m still in love with that sweet boy I knew a lifetime ago. The one that died in a fire and never came back.”

“So why did you stay with him after that?” Patrick asked after a long moment of silence.

“Because I promised for better or worse and for a while I thought it was just the worst part.” She shook her head. “But now I have to face facts. I’m pregnant with another man’s child, a man I care for and respect. And I have to find a way to tell my husband that our marriage is over without sending him back to drugs.” She glanced at the mini bar somewhat longingly. “I could go for a drink right now.”

“I wish that I could tell you what to do,” Patrick told her. “But I really don’t think there’s any way out of this situation that doesn’t suck. So I mean, if I were Jason–and I thank God I’m not–I’d want to be told immediately. I think that he’ll be able to suggest something better. I mean, he’s known you and Lucky longer, right?”

“Right.” Elizabeth reached for her purse which she’d dropped on the sofa. “I’m not even sure Jason is the father. I’m going to have to get a paternity test.” She wrinkled her nose. “I should just put in my application for Jerry Springer now.”

“I think Sonny Corinthos with the impregnation of a mother and a daughter is first in line,” Patrick said dryly. “Look, I can get the test done for you so that no one ever has to know it was performed, okay?”

“Thanks, I appreciate that.” She hesitated. “Thanks for listening–you’re a good friend, Patrick.”

“Don’t let that get out,” he told her, pulling open the door. “The other nurses will beat a path to my door and then Robin will kick my ass.”

“Only if you let those nurses in,” Elizabeth warned him. “Don’t be an idiot. Though you’re a man, you’ve already got two strikes against you.”

“Perverse creature,” Patrick muttered as the brunette headed towards the elevators.

March 31, 2014

This entry is part 3 of 24 in the A Few Words Too Many

Don’t know where she belongs, where she belongs
She wants to go home, but nobody’s home
It’s where she lies, broken inside
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside
– Nobody’s Home, Avril Lavigne

Tuesday, April 15, 2003

Kelly’s Courtyard

Lucky Spencer closed his arms around Elizabeth’s shoulders and squeezed her tight. “I’m going to miss you guys.” He drew back and reached for Emily’s hand with a broad smile. “But I’m glad Nikolas and I waited to head to London. We might have missed you otherwise, Em, and I would have hated that.”

“Well, I was excited to get the Musketeers together for a few reunions,” Emily replied, her hand on Nikolas’s shoulder. “It won’t be the same without you guys.”

Elizabeth cleared her throat and smiled at her two oldest friends, though their friendships had been difficult over the last year. “It really won’t. I was just getting used to all four of us in the same city again.”

“But it’d be selfish to ask you to stay,” Emily said, her voice almost sharp. Elizabeth frowned at her, but Emily never met her eyes. “You should be with Laura now that she’s getting better. I’m so glad you guys are taking Lesley and Lulu with you. You know she’ll recover so much faster with everyone in the same place.”

As if missing the underlying tension, Nikolas squeezed Emily’s hand. “Well, you’ll be here to take care of each other and carry on our Kelly’s traditions.”

After a few more hugs, the brothers started for the parking lot, leaving Elizabeth and Emily standing alone in the courtyard. Elizabeth looked over at Emily, who was staring after the others, wistfully.

“I’m glad Laura is showing some improvement,” Elizabeth said, breaking the silence. “It’s hard to think of her like that, locked inside her own mind.”

“I know,” Emily murmured. “She was always so wonderful to me, like a second mother.” She folded her arms across her chest and turned towards the doors. “Are you working today?”

“I had the opening shift,” Elizabeth answered. “So I’m done now.” She hesitated. “Do you…want to get some lunch?” Her throat was thick. “I could really use a friend right now.”

“I would,” Emily said, biting her lip, “but I’m meeting Courtney.” She tucked her hair behind her ears. “Do you want to join us? You guys should really start working past—”

“I’m not really in the mood to have this conversation,” Elizabeth replied. She rubbed her eyes. She still had so much to figure out, and she just…she just couldn’t find it in her to tell Emily how much she really needed her right now. She wasn’t sure Emily would hear her.

“All right,” Emily said, shrugging. “Well, I guess I’ll see you later.”

“I guess so.” Elizabeth waited another moment, but finally left the courtyard. She no longer had the patience to pretend she and Emily were as close as ever, when the truth was…Elizabeth had never felt further away from her.

Kelly’s: Dining Room

Emily set her bag down at an empty table to wait for Courtney. She wished Elizabeth had joined them for lunch. She knew Courtney and Elizabeth had been friendly before, and if Elizabeth could just see how much more suited Courtney was for Jason, she’d really start getting past her feelings.

She had no doubt what Elizabeth had wanted to talk about—Emily had thought of the pregnancy news for days, wondering what Elizabeth intended to do. Emily hoped Elizabeth would confide in Ric—he clearly had monetary resources to support a child, and Emily didn’t think her friend was being all that realistic about her options. Maybe Ric wasn’t the love of her life, but Emily thought that entire concept was a fallacy anyway.

No one fell in love forever.

She was tugging her anatomy textbook from her bag when she saw Ric emerge from the back, having come down from his room. He looked annoyed when he sat at the counter, perusing a menu she was sure he’d memorized. She didn’t know what the problem was with the man. He was handsome and charming, and while he seemed to be focused on getting a job connected to Sonny and Carly, Emily didn’t think that was too awful. It meant Ric was ambitious, that he wanted to make money.

Elizabeth could do worse, Emily decided, and to prove to herself that Elizabeth’s happiness and well-being was still a top priority, she grabbed her bag and abandoned her table for the counter. “Hey. I’m not sure we’ve been introduced,” she said.

Ric glanced at her, and she was surprised at the irritation in his eyes. “I know who you are,” he said shortly. He sipped the coffee Penny had just served him. “And I’m not in the mood for any sanctimonious lectures from Jason Morgan’s little sister or Elizabeth’s best friend.”

Elizabeth must have already broken up with him. Emily took a seat and signaled to Penny that she wanted her usual chamomile tea. “I know you and Liz are having some difficulties,” she said, and winced when Ric snorted. Elizabeth really had burned her bridges, but Emily wasn’t deterred. “She’s just…confused right now. It’s been a tough year for her, and I think you’re exactly what she needs.”

Ric set his coffee down and twisted on the stool to fully face her. “Just…what did Elizabeth tell you about us?” he asked.

“She was thinking of breaking up with you,” Emily answered, spooning some sugar into her tea. “I told her that she shouldn’t be too hasty.” She flashed a smile at her friend’s boyfriend. “I know it might not seem like it right now, but Elizabeth is usually warm and generous. She’s just…it’s been a bad year.” She leaned forward, lowering her voice. “And she really needs the support right now, Ric. No woman should have to face something like this alone.”

His dark brow furrowed and Ric tilted his head to the side. “Face what?” he asked softly.

Emily had no intention of telling him outright Elizabeth was pregnant—that was not her place, but she felt a responsibility to Elizabeth to keep her from making a major mistake, so hints were okay. She cleared her throat. “It’s not something I should be telling you, but I would ask Elizabeth.”

She saw the door swing open and Courtney walked in. Reaching down to grab her bag, and picking up her tea with the other hand, Emily smiled again at him. “I’m serious, Ric. It’s important that you don’t let Elizabeth push you away right now.”

She slid into a chair at the table Courtney had set her things on, and smiled. “Hey!”

“Hey.” Courtney eyed Ric at the counter, and her gaze turned wary as he stood and walked past her without a word. “Why were you talking to Ric Lansing?” She lowered herself into the other chair and turned her coffee cup over.

“Just giving him some encouragement.” Emily sipped her tea. “Elizabeth is pushing him away, but I can’t let her do that. She needs to move on, Courtney, you know that.”

“I know…” Courtney grimaced. “And I hope she does, because I like her, which I know she wouldn’t believe. And I get how easy it is to fall in love with Jason.” She smiled now, as if lit from inside from her happiness. “And he is a wonderful friend, so it must be hard for her to lose that, but I wouldn’t…” She shook her head, her smile dimming. “I wouldn’t wish Ric Lansing on my worst enemy, much less someone I like.”

Emily fisted her hand under the table. “What’s wrong with him?” she asked, irritated. “Elizabeth wouldn’t tell me why she was breaking up with him and now you’re saying these things….he manages Carly’s club, he helped get Jason and Brenda acquitted. What’s wrong with him?” she repeated. She was so tired of being on the outside. This was why Elizabeth was irritating now—because she only told Emily what she thought Emily ought to know, and never the full truth.

“I can’t…” Courtney looked up as Penny poured coffee into her cup. “Thanks, Penny.” When the waitress left, she sighed. “I can’t really talk about it, but if my brother told Elizabeth half of what I think he should have, then Elizabeth should have left a vapor trail in her rush to get away.”

Oh, no. “Is he really that bad?” Emily asked, feeling light-headed. What if he was an awful person who would just hurt Elizabeth and drive all those wonderful qualities she missed so much deeper under the surface? “I just…encouraged him to pursue her.”

“Em…” Courtney shook her head. “That’s just…that’s not a good idea. Jason and Sonny want him out of town, and if Elizabeth knows what they know, she’s just going to resist.” She sat back. “And that’s just going to make it worse.”

And Emily had just hinted to Ric Elizabeth was pregnant. Oh, man. Uneasy, Emily looked towards the door and felt nauseous. Maybe she hadn’t read the situation correctly.

“Maybe it’ll be okay,” Emily said softly. “Maybe she can just get rid of him again.”

“I hope so.” Courtney picked up her tea spoon and tapped it restlessly against her mug. “Because my brother and Jason are going to feel obligated to help since they blame themselves for Ric.” She pressed her lips together. “And the last thing I want is Elizabeth to get involved with Jason again in anyway.”

“Well, it’s not like it would matter,” Emily said. “You said they were never really together, that you and Jason were falling in love when Elizabeth thought they were together. Jason wasn’t really interested.” And she wanted Elizabeth to have access to protection if Ric was as awful as people seemed to think.

Courtney shifted and looked away. “I may have…glossed over a few things,” she admitted. “I know he cared for her, but I didn’t get the impression they were actually dating. He never said anything to me about it and we were together enough, I would have known. And you know, I made Jason promise I wasn’t a rebound.” She placed her hand flat on the table. “It’s just better if…Jason doesn’t think Elizabeth needs help. I don’t…want to take any chances.”

“Right.” Emily frowned, troubled by Courtney’s explanation of the facts and wondering how much of what she thought had happened last summer and last fall was actually true.

Corinthos & Morgan Warehouse: Jason’s Office

The numbers on the ledgers were beginning to blur together as Jason struggled to keep his focus. Three days since he’d warned Ric to get out of town, and the scum was still in his room at Kelly’s as if nothing had changed. He really thought being Sonny’s half-brother offered him protection. Sonny didn’t want him evicted because it was easier to keep an eye on him this way, but Jason just wanted to shove him in the harbor with weights on his feet. He wanted the disgusting son of a bitch to sink to the bottom struggling to breath for what he had done to Carly, to Elizabeth.

He wasn’t a man who could picture things that well, but he would never forget the hitch in Carly’s breath, the tears on her cheeks as she promised Sonny she hadn’t slept with Ric for revenge, that she honestly didn’t remember anything and that her skin felt dirty for just having been in bed with him. Carly was his best friend, for all her faults, and just for that scene alone, he wanted to dismember Ric Lansing.

But the look in Elizabeth’s eyes last Friday, as she sat on her knees, her arms wrapped around her torso as if that action alone could hold her together. She had refused to meet his eyes as he’d crouched in front of her, and pulled her to her feet. Not until the last moment, making him wish he could go against Sonny’s orders. She was wrecked, as if nothing could put her back together. She hadn’t looked that way since they’d first met and now he was powerless to do anything about it.

He closed the books and reached for his phone when it lit up. Francis. “Morgan,” he said, clenching his free hand into a fist. “Is Elizabeth okay?”

“Uh…” Elizabeth’s guard sounded hesitant. “You told me not to intervene with Lansing unless he put a hand on her, but he’s tracked her down on the Elm Street Pier, and Jason, you’re gonna wanna get down here.”

Jason was already on his feet, heading for the doors. “Is he threatening her? I’m at the warehouse, I can be there in just a few minutes.”

“He’s not…but it’s not good. And it’s going to get worse. Get here fast.”

“If he lays a finger on her, throw him in the harbor. Sonny’s orders be damned.”

Elm Street Pier

Jason found Francis standing at the top of the stairs, watching the scene below intently. As he stepped up, he heard Elizabeth choking something out, the tone and the words themselves making him clench his fists even more. As he prepared to step in, Francis held out an arm.

“Just wait,” he murmured. “Miss Webber might have a plan and you know how angry she gets when you help and she doesn’t want it.”

“Ric, I am not pregnant. I don’t know where—”

“You’re telling me Emily lied to me? That’s bullshit, and you know it—”

Jason pushed Francis away, so he could have his own view, to see how close Ric was to Elizabeth. If she was pregnant, this situation had become much more dangerous.

Ric had Elizabeth cornered the edge of the harbor. She had backed up so much that any further step would send her into the still icy water. Her face was contorted in apprehension and wariness…but not fear. Not yet. “Ric, I am not having your child—”

“I told myself that I would never let my children grow up without me, that after what my mother did,” Ric snarled, “I would never let myself be separated.” He reached for her arm, and Jason tensed, ready to leap over the railing if he needed. “You aren’t keeping me out of this—”

“I’m not pregnant.” Now Elizabeth sounded desperate. “Please. I don’t know what Emily told you—”

“I got your records from the hospital!”

And in that second, Jason saw Elizabeth’s expression freeze. It was the truth. She was pregnant. His heart stopped.

“How did…” Her voice faltered, and she glanced behind her, as if gauging the water’s proximity. She turned back and sighed, looking annoyed. “You’re lying.”

“You’re not as smart as you think you are.” Ric grabbed her arm. “If you think you’re keeping me from my child—”

“It’s not your child! You’re not the father!” Elizabeth cried, trying to jerk away from him, but she stumbled and almost slipped in. The time to stop watching this was over, and Jason started to move forward.

“Oh, the hell it’s not. Who else could it be?” Ric demanded.

If Jason could have had another moment to really think about his next actions, about the repercussions, then maybe he wouldn’t have done it. But there were only seconds, and so Jason made his decision.

He stormed down the steps, and grabbed Ric’s free hand, twisting it behind his back. “Who do you think?” he growled. “Let her go.”

Ric released Elizabeth and Jason sent him flying backwards. Francis placed a foot on his chest to keep Ric planted on the ground. His face impassive, he looked at Jason. “What should I do to him?”

“Hold him there a second.” Jason turned to Elizabeth, who was staring at him like she’d never seen him before. “Elizabeth. Are you all right?”

“I…” Her throat worked, but she never said anything else. She just stared at him.

“I don’t believe you,” Ric grunted. “You’re lying to protect her.”

“Let him up,” Jason told Francis. When the bastard was standing again, Jason started for him, his heart pounding. Ric had to believe this. He had to believe Elizabeth was not having his child. He needed to leave town and get the hell away from Elizabeth. He would if there was no child to hold him here. “I don’t lie. It’s my baby. Why do you think she didn’t tell you?” He glanced back at Elizabeth, meeting her eyes. Play along. They’d figure out the next step later, but in this moment, she had to play along.

“I’ve…” Elizabeth swallowed. “I’ve known for a few weeks,” she admitted. “Before what happened at Kelly’s and on the docks last week.” She forced herself to look at Ric. “And back then I thought you were a good guy, so I—I didn’t know how to tell you, and Jason and I—” She looked back at him and he nodded slightly. “We d-didn’t know how to handle it. It’s…not an easy situation.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “And I felt guilty.” Her face hardened, as if she remembered now why it had to happen this way. “And now I just feel sick I ever let you touch me.”

“You goddamn whore!” Ric started forward, but Jason had him by the throat and against the pillar of the docks.

“Keep doing this, Lansing. By all means,” he growled. He wanted Lansing to come at him, wanted to have an excuse to wipe him from the Earth. Sonny wouldn’t quibble with self-defense. “Keep coming at me, the people I love and I’ll forget I work for Sonny.”

“Jason,” Elizabeth said, her hand soft on his shoulder. “You have to let him go. Anyone could see here.” She was right, but it felt so good to have his hand around this bastard’s throat that he squeezed hard once more before releasing him.

“Get out of town, Lansing. Because I don’t know how much Sonny is going to be able to protect you if you go after Elizabeth again.”

Ric glared at them and then looked at Elizabeth with such hatred that Jason stepped in front of her. “You think this is over?” He chucked, the sound harsh and twisted. “You have no idea what I’m capable of.”

He disappeared into the shadows of the docks, his footsteps fading away. Finally, Jason squared his shoulders and looked at Elizabeth.

“Jason.” Elizabeth wrapped one hand around her waist, and then other fisted at her mouth, tears sliding down her cheeks. “What…”

“Not here.” He looked at Francis. “We’re going to the penthouse. Follow, make sure Lansing doesn’t.” He took Elizabeth’s elbow and steered her towards the steps.

“Jason,” Elizabeth said, turning to him at the top of the stairs. Her face was white, her eyes large and still full of fear. “What have we done?”

March 29, 2014

This entry is part 2 of 24 in the A Few Words Too Many

Under your breath I hear your soft voice break 
Can we still be friends 
I hear you talking but you’re just not making sense 
I’ve been hoping for a happy ending 
Now I know that there won’t be any 
– A Few Words Too Many (Billie Myers)

Sunday, April 13, 2003

Kelly’s: Courtyard

Emily Bowen-Quartermaine sipped her iced tea and perused her anatomy textbook, waiting out Elizabeth’s shift. Her friend had been avoiding her all week—avoiding everyone really, as far as she could tell—and today was the day Emily pinned her down about it.

She turned a page and reflected at how different their friendship seemed to be now that Emily was home. They’d called, emailed and written each other while Emily had been in rehab in Arizona, and then at UCLA last year, but Emily had abruptly cut off all contact for almost three months last year after Elizabeth had admitted to sleeping with Zander Smith.

Emily wrinkled her nose, thinking about it again. Nothing bothered her more than thinking of the two of them together, and the only way she could look Elizabeth in the eye was if she put that completely out of her head.

Finally, Elizabeth emerged from the diner, a large tote bag over her shoulder. She tucked in green apron inside and took the seat across from Emily. Smiling wanly, she set the bag on the ground. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Emily took a deep breath. She was still best friends with Elizabeth. If she just ignored how angry she was about Zander, then she could get through this. If she pretended everything was good between them, then eventually it would be. She marked her page and closed the book, leaning back in her chair. “You look like crap.”

“Thanks.” Elizabeth rubbed her eyes. “I haven’t really been sleeping.”

Emily smiled brightly. “Is Ric keeping you awake?” she teased, but was surprised when any color the other woman had possessed faded from her cheeks. “Liz?”

“I’m…” Elizabeth hesitated, twisting the napkin in front of her. “I’m not seeing him anymore.”

“Oh.” Emily frowned. “He seemed really nice, you know. And I thought you liked him.”

“Yeah…” Elizabeth sighed. “Well, I think maybe it was just too soon for me to get involved with someone seriously.” She bit down on her lower lip. “Em…I’m pregnant.”

Emily blinked. “But you just said you broke up with Ric.” She furrowed her brow. “I don’t understand, Elizabeth. I mean, maybe he’s not perfect, but he was really nice to you. And you need to move on. You know you do. You’re pregnant.” She nodded firmly. “You should give him another chance. Don’t…don’t give up too quickly.”

“I know I need to move on,” Elizabeth murmured. “It’s just not as easy as you might think.” She exhaled slowly, and Emily resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “There are reasons I can’t…I can’t be with Ric.”

“Liz.” Emily hesitated, but decided the blunt truth was for the best. “Look, I totally know what it’s like to love someone who doesn’t love you back. It really sucks, but you can’t sit around pining for Jason. My brother, even if he really was that interested, is dating Courtney now.”

Elizabeth stared at her for a moment, as if confused by her words. “If he really was that interested…?” she repeated faintly.

Nope, Emily was not going to feed into this. She’d become friendly with Courtney Matthews since coming home, and it was clear that Jason had been interested in the blonde all last fall, long before Elizabeth had moved out of the penthouse. “Liz, I know you were staying at the penthouse, but that was to protect Zander. It’s not like you were living together.”

“I…” Elizabeth twisted her fingers together. “We talked about it…”

“You know Jason’s a man of action. If he wanted to be with you, he would,” Emily assured her. “Look at everything he did for Courtney.” Guilt settled in her stomach as Elizabeth’s cheeks flushed. “I’m not trying to hurt you, but I just…I want you to live in reality.”

“I know…I know you’re right about one thing,” Elizabeth said after a long moment. “If Jason wanted to be with me, he would.” She looked away. “I ruined it, and maybe he was trying to be nice when he told me it was too dangerous.” Her lips twisted. “It’s not too dangerous for Courtney, clearly.”

“The sooner you face the truth, the better off you’ll be.” Emily nodded firmly. “So if you’re pregnant, you should tell Ric and give him the opportunity to be the man you deserve.” Pleased, she stowed her text in her bag. “I’m glad we could talk about this honestly. You know I only want you to be happy.”

“I know.” But Elizabeth wouldn’t meet her eyes. Emily thought they might need to have this conversation once or twice more before Elizabeth really understood that her brother was out of her life for good. Emily was aware just how Elizabeth ruined her chance with Jason. After screwing with him two years earlier, she’d jerked him around again last summer, and probably slept with Zander to make him jealous.

Jason was better off, and one day, Elizabeth would find someone who would remind her how nice she used to be. Emily missed the girl who’d been dating Lucky. That Elizabeth had been her best friend, and Emily wanted her back.

Elm Street Pier

Elizabeth stopped at the bottom of the steps and took a moment to sit on the bench, closing her eyes and trying to force the conversation with Emily out of her head. She knew that her friendship with Jason’s sister would suffer a little considering what had happened last summer, but somehow she thought they would be able to get it back, rebuild it.

Emily had come home without warning the month before, and though they’d tried to be close again, it had felt hollow. Elizabeth had gone to a few dinners with Emily, Lucky and Nikolas, and it just felt like the four of them felt they should be friends like they had been four years ago and if they spent enough time together, it would feel natural again.

Despite Emily’s coolness, Elizabeth knew that she couldn’t blame Emily for trying to push her back to Ric. Emily didn’t know all the information. And even if the words had hurt…she needed to be reminded that the relationship she thought she’d been building with Jason really had been in her head.

“I knew I’d finally track you down.”

Elizabeth’s eyes snapped open as she saw Ric stepping off the bottom stair, with a grin on his face. Oh, she was going to be sick right here in front of him, she just knew it.

Ric continued towards her and Elizabeth fought the urge to get up and run. “You haven’t returned my phone calls all week.” He stopped in front of the bench and slid his hands in the pockets of his light tan khakis. “What’s going on, Beautiful?”

Elizabeth squared her shoulders and stood. Time to channel her inner Lizzie Webber. That annoying smart-ass was still inside, somewhere. She was sure of it. “Can’t take a hint, Ric?” she asked coolly.

She watched his narrow, and wonder how stupid she’d been to miss the calculation in those brown eyes. “A hint?” he repeated, his tone matching hers.

Elizabeth tightened her grip on her tote bag slung over her shoulder. “Usually,” she bit out, “when someone stops returning calls and texts, they’re trying to brush you off.”

She took a step towards the other side of the docks, towards her studio, but he stepped in front of her. “Whoa, what changed, Elizabeth?” He put his hands up, preventing her from darting to the side. “I thought we were having a good time—”

“Well, you thought wrong.” Elizabeth tossed head back, her hair swinging over her shoulder. “So I’m going to leave now, Ric, and you’re going to let me.”

He took a step towards her, and Elizabeth felt it necessary to step back, feeling her ire fade and her nerves kick in. This was the man who was in league with Faith Roscoe. Maybe she should have handled this differently. “Listen, Ric—”

“You’ve been talking to Sonny or Jason.” She tried to keep her expression level, her eyes unchanged, but there must have been something, because his lips pressed together. “Jason. He told you something. Now, you know you can’t trust him—”

“It has nothing to do with Sonny or Jason. They’ve told me nothing,” Elizabeth cut in. Maybe they would have warned her again, had Jason not seen her two days earlier, almost in a fetal position, after hearing the truth. “I can make my own decisions—”

“No, no…” Ric wagged a finger at her. “They’ve poisoned you against me, Elizabeth. I can’t believe you’d trust them after everything Jason has done.” He stepped towards her, voice softening. “I know he broke your heart, Elizabeth, but I care about you—”

“I would like you to leave me alone,” Elizabeth said. She tried to step around him again, but again Ric stepped in front her. Oh, God. What was she going to do if he didn’t move? Could she run? If she turned and ran the way she came, back up the stairs…could she get away? “Ric, please let me walk away.”

“No, I want to know what they said to make you run away from me,” Ric snarled, all charm vanished from his voice. His face changed, and Elizabeth knew she was seeing the Ric Lansing now, all layers of charm stripped away. “What did they tell you, Elizabeth?” He reached for her arm, and Elizabeth stumbled back.

“Nothing,” Elizabeth repeated, struggling to keep her voice level. “Ric, I’m telling you the truth. I haven’t talked to Sonny or Jason in weeks.”

“Right,” Ric drawled. “Well, that’s certainly possible since we both know they’ve basically forgotten your existence.”

Nausea was climbing up her throat, and Elizabeth thought this was a hell of a time to be suffering that morning sickness that never seemed to happen in the morning. He could not, absolutely could not, see her getting sick.

Ric could never find out about this baby. This conversation had sealed the deal on that.

“It’s true we’re not close anymore,” Elizabeth said, slowly, “but I’m sure if I needed them, I could ask for help.” When Ric just smirked, Elizabeth took a small step back. Get close to the steps. Maybe she could kick him and then run. “But I don’t need them, because they’ve said nothing to me, okay? I just…” She licked her lips. “I just don’t want to date you anymore. Why isn’t that enough?”

“Because you’re lying to me. Sonny told you something, I know he did.” Ric reached out for her, and Elizabeth stumbled back again. She was lifting her leg to kick him in the knees, just like Jason taught her once, when boots clattered down the steps like a freight train.

Before Elizabeth could really process what was happening, Jason had passed her, grabbed Ric by the throat and sent him sprawling on the docks. She just blinked.

“You just don’t know when to quit, do you?” Jason snarled. He reached for Ric again, to do what, Elizabeth couldn’t imagine, but Ric crawled away frantically. “Sonny told you to get the hell out of town.”

“I knew it,” Ric hissed, glaring at her, rising to his feet. “I knew Jason told you everything—”

“Told me what?” Elizabeth said, feeling some of Lizzie filter back in. “That I’m amusing and it’s entertaining to screw Jason Morgan’s ex-bed buddy? To pretend to sleep with Carly because sleeping with me wasn’t giving you enough leverage?” She raised an eyebrow. “Is that what you think they told me?”

Ric stared at her, and Elizabeth was stunned at the loathing that crept into his expression. He took a step forward, but a growl from Jason stopped him. “You would believe them—”

“They didn’t have to tell me.” Elizabeth folded her arms across her chest. “No one bothered to check to see if Kelly’s was empty. I was closing when you decided to tell your half-brother all the details.”

“Elizabeth,” Jason said quietly, looking at her. “Francis is at the top of the stairs. He’ll walk you back to the studio.”

“Oh, so she can leave me here and you can deal with me?” Ric growled. “Don’t bother.” He sent Elizabeth another glare, and disappeared into the shadows.

Elizabeth released a breath, and lowered herself to sit on the bottom step of the stairs, wishing she could just disappear. “Well, go ahead and yell at me.”

She felt Jason sit next to her. “Why would I yell?”

She opened her eyes, but didn’t dare look at him. “At least an I told you so would probably suffice. I wouldn’t be in this position if I had just…” She sighed, remembering her conversation with Emily. “If I had just kept my head on straight.” Elizabeth stood and bit her lip. “Thank you for getting rid of him.”

“He might come back and harass you,” Jason warned. “He’s in trouble with…” He looked away. “He’s in trouble with people who aren’t in Sonny’s position, so it might not be a problem for too much longer.”

“Hmm…” Elizabeth nodded, understanding. Well, then maybe Ric would be out of her life before he could find out she was pregnant. “Well, let’s hope that’s true.” Her stomach rolled in protest and she wondered if she was going make it to her studio. She could not get sick in front Jason. “I’m going to get going. I, ah…” She smiled weakly. “I’m not feeling that great, so…”

“I’ll walk you back to your studio,” Jason said, taking a step towards her but Elizabeth shook her head. Because that would be a disaster.

“No, no. Um.” She licked her lips. “That’s really not necessary, okay? I don’t think…” She cast her eyes up the top of the stairs. “Maybe Francis can walk me. It’s not far.” She frowned and then looked back at him. “How did you know I was down here?”

When Jason looked away, Elizabeth felt a little of her ire at him fade. Despite everything, maybe he still thought of her as a friend. “Francis called you because he’s watching me.”

“Ah…” Jason dipped his chin to his chest. “Yeah. After Friday…I figured you’d be breaking things off with Ric, so I just…” He jerked a shoulder. “Sonny thought it was the least we could do.” He paused. “Since it’s really our fault Ric targeted you.”

Immediately, the warmth in her stomach faded. Pity. Guilt. No, that fit her life much more. “No, it’s my fault,” Elizabeth said, firmly. She was not going to let them take this on. “Maybe he sought me out because we used to be friends, but I didn’t have to date him.” She sighed. “And maybe his research should have been better. I’m sure he’s pissed he wasted all those months asking me questions.”

Jason frowned. “He asked you questions? About us?” He paused. “About me and Sonny, I mean.”

“Yeah, which should have been my first sign.” Elizabeth rubbed her forehead, forcing the bile down. “But you know, I thought the threat would come with explosives or guns, not questions from someone who said I was beautiful.” Shut up, Elizabeth. Shut up. “Anyway, you don’t have to worry. I don’t know anything, and even if I did, I wouldn’t say anything.” She straightened her shoulders. “I don’t want you feeling guilty. I got myself into this situation, and I don’t need you get me out of it.” She hesitated. “I may need you to throw Ric around again, but other than that…I can take care of myself.”

“Okay.” Jason nodded slowly. “Well, if you don’t want me to walk you home, then…I’ll get Francis.” After another moment, he walked passed her and started up the stairs.

The last thing she needed was more time in Jason’s company. She would rather jump in the harbor. She just needed Ric to get out of town, and then figure out the best way to support herself and a baby.

And figure out what to tell people about the father. No one could ever know about Ric. She had to protect her child.

March 28, 2014

This entry is part 27 of 27 in the Sanctuary

May 8, 2008

Drake House: Living Room

Madelyn Devane Drake had been walking for nearly six months and each day, she tested her parents’ hearts as she climbed up on chairs, tables and on one memorable day, the kitchen counter.

She had said ‘Dada’ when she’d been thirteen months old and became even more Daddy’s Little Girl than before, which Robin hadn’t really thought possible. She loved both her parents, but she was captivated by her father. As soon as she’d been able to crawl, Maddy had started to seek out Patrick and he’d stop everything to pick her up. He was putty in her miniscule hands.

Robin had reluctantly returned to work when Maddy was six months old and they’d put her in day care where Elizabeth’s three-year-old son had promised to look out for her. He had been bugging his mother for a new brother for weeks and thought if he proved he could be a good big brother, she’d give him one.

But Robin and Patrick couldn’t rest long without going down to check on her and eventually, Maddy would only be in daycare if one of her parents couldn’t keep her with them in their offices. She started to crawl in Patrick’s office and she’d said her first word–the aforementioned ‘dada’–in the nurse’s station when a nurse had been cooing over Maddy in an attempt to flirt with Patrick. The word had fallen from Maddy’s lips and anyone else had been forgotten.

Her first steps had been in an operating room and the first word she had said other than dada had been a mangled form of hospital (so Patrick swore) though Robin had been a bit miffed it wasn’t Mama. That came a month later and she felt like she was dancing on air for weeks afterwards.

Maddy was everyone’s little angel. Mac and Felicia made up excuses to drop by the house just to see her, Brenda flew in from Italy on a whim when she saw a toy that her darling god daughter absolutely had to own. Steven loved to carry her around because babies were great at attracting women–he turned into an honorary uncle.

Anna and Robert had also returned to their respective jobs but were frequent visitors to Port Charles, just popping in every once in a while to see their beloved grand daughter and Noah had been very excited to receive a shirt that said Number One Grandpa on Maddy’s first Father’s Day. Robin had bought a matching one for Patrick, as well as a shirt that said ‘If you think I’m cute, you should see my daddy’ which made her husband grin and kiss her.

Georgie and Maxie argued over who could baby-sit her and often Robin couldn’t pick between the two of them, so on the rare nights she and Patrick consented to leave their daughter at home, Georgie and Maxie (usually joined by Dillon) sat at home with her.

Maddy had had her first birthday in December and Robin and Patrick had had to rent out a room at the Metro Court Hotel to accommodate the large crowd. Maddy had been introduced to Carly at that point, which Robin had reluctantly agreed to after being persuaded by Jax, who had recently tied the knot with her old enemy.

Carly had cooed over Maddy and like everyone else, fell in love with the little girl on sight. Motherhood seemed to bond Carly and Robin where nothing else could and the two had finally put the lingering animosity behind them.

When she was fifteen months old, she’d been the flower girl at Elizabeth’s wedding to Jason, though Robin had had to help her toddle down the aisle. And Elizabeth had selected Robin and Patrick to be her son’s godparents when he’d been born earlier that November (It had taken six months for Jason to convince Elizabeth to marry him and by then, she was heavily pregnant and refused to get married in a maternity gown).

And now, Maddy was eighteen months old, doing her best to climb her father’s leg as he stood in the living room, watching Robin as she spoke on the phone with Steven regarding some very important test results.

Her hair had darkened until it matched Patrick’s shade perfectly, but she’d inherited her uncle Mac’s curls (which was why Mac always wore his hair short, a fact that Patrick hadn’t known until Robin told him where the curls had come from). They were separated into two bouncy pig tails and tied with yellow ribbons that matched her spring dress.

She tugged her father’s pant leg. “Up!” she demanded, giving up on the climbing. Patrick automatically lifted her. She smacked a kiss to his cheek but was disappointed when she realized she didn’t have his complete attention.

“Thank you, Steven,” Robin said softly. She pressed the off button and set the phone on a nearby table before turning to Patrick. She strode forward and pressed a kiss to her daughter’s hair. “Guess what, princess?”

“What?” Maddy asked. She pursed her lips expectantly and Robin kissed her.

“We got the tests back and guess what they said?”

“Robin,” Patrick said, somewhat impatiently. Maddy turned back to her father as if sensing his tension and kissed the tip of his nose.

“They were negative,” Robin said softly. Her eyes filled with tears and she pressed her hands to her lips. “Steven wants to test her again in another six months but she’s negative.”

“Oh, thank God.” Patrick cupped the back of Robin’s neck and drew her in for a relieved kiss. “I mean, I was pretty sure but–”

“It’s still good to hear.” Robin returned his kiss. “I love you,” she whispered to him.

“I love you, too,” he replied.

“I love you!” Maddy parroted. She clapped her hands but then frowned. “What’s that?”

“It means that your mother means more to me than anyone else in the world, except for you,” Patrick told her, hoping she’d understand. “And that I want to spend every day making her smile.”

“Oh.” She turned to her mother. “I love you, Mommy.” And then she looked to her father. “I love you, Daddy.”

“I didn’t think it could ever mean more than it did the day I held her,” Robin said softly, “but I was wrong.” She lifted Maddy into her arms and hugged her tightly. “I love you, too, Maddy.” She closed her eyes. “I will always love you.”

 

THE END

This entry is part 26 of 27 in the Sanctuary

December 3, 2006

General Hospital: Robin’s Room

It was nearly three hours after Robin was out of surgery before her eyelids fluttered and she turned her head to the left. “Patrick?” she murmured.

Anna sat up and leaned forward to grasp her daughter’s hands. “He’s sitting in the nursery, darling.” She smiled when Robin opened her eyes completely and frowned at her mother. “He’s been alternating between your room and sitting with your daughter.”

“Maddy?” Robin whispered. She licked her lips. “She’s all right? It was so early and–”

“She’s fine, love. Absolutely perfect.” Anna sniffled. “She’s in an incubator for just a few weeks to be on the safe side but Steven says she’s healthy.”

“I want–” Robin cleared her throat. “I want to see her.”

“As soon as you can move around.” Anna pressed her lips to Robin’s forehead. “You gave us all a scare. They had to rush you to surgery.”

“What? Why?” Robin coughed and Anna stood to pour her a glass of water. After a long sip, she repeated her questions.

“You were bleeding and the doctors whisked you away so quickly we didn’t know if you would be all right.” Anna took a deep breath and smiled weakly. “But of course you are and now you have a beautiful daughter to show for it.” She patted Robin’s hand. “I’ll go fetch the doctor and see if I can’t drag Patrick away from the nursery.”

General Hospital: Nursery

Patrick handed Maddy back to the on duty nurse and exited, pulling off the protective scrubs. He dumped them in the trash and turned to find Anna waiting for him. “Hey–is Robin awake?”

“She is, and she was asking for you.” Anna peeked through the window and smiled. “I can hardly believe she’s finally here, after all these months.”

“The nurse said that she was going to probably be sleeping the rest of the night,” Patrick said a little regretfully. He flicked his eyes towards the hall that would take him to his wife. “Ah, if you don’t mind–”

“Sure,” Anna waved him on. “I’m sure Robin wants to hear every detail.” She caught his arm as he moved past her. “Patrick, I just want to tell you how very glad I am that you and Robin found each other. You’ve given her a very special gift in Madelyn.”

“We gave her to each other,” Patrick corrected with a tired smile before going to see his wife.

Steven was just exiting Robin’s room when Patrick rounded the corner. He grinned. “Hey, Dad. How’s the new addition doing?”

“She’s incredible. Not doing anymore more than waving her arms and opening her mouth,” Patrick admitted, “but it’s still pretty cool.” He glanced towards the door. “How’s Robin? Is she still awake?”

“She is.” Steven crossed his arms. “A little weak but she’ll feel better in a few days. Barring infection, she’ll make a complete recovery.” He patted Patrick’s shoulder. “If she falls asleep, don’t panic. She’ll be in and out for a few hours but by tomorrow night, that’ll pass.”

“Thanks,” Patrick said. He pushed open the door and sighed in relief when he saw Robin sitting up slightly in bed, smiling at him with tired eyes. “Decided to join the rest of us, huh?”

“Gossip says that you have held our daughter,” Robin replied. “And Steven says I can’t see her until tomorrow, I won’t be able to get into a wheel chair until then.” She grinned as he sat beside her. “And unlike other people in the room, I generally think doctors know what they’re talking about when they say stay in bed.”

“Mm…says the girl who refused to sit out Tony Jones’ memorial service because of a silly life threatening virus.” Patrick took her left hand in his and rubbed his finger over her wedding band. “She’s beautiful. There’s all this hair, I didn’t know babies could be born with so much hair. It’s dark, close to my color I guess. She hasn’t opened her eyes yet but she keeps opening and closing her mouth in this cute little o.” He grinned. “And the nurse says I’m insane but I swear she smiled at me.”

Robin brought her free hand up to trace his dimple. “I hope she has a pair of these.”

“I don’t, my mother always said I got away with murder because I would just smile at her and she couldn’t stay mad at me.” He brought her hand his to his lips and pressed a kiss on her knuckles. “She’s incredible, Robin. I can’t wait for you to see her, to hold her. It’s the most–it’s just the best experience I’ve ever had.”

“I’m so jealous that you’ve seen her,” Robin murmured. “I want to hold her and I want to see her and pretend that she’s smiling at me.”

“You will,” Patrick promised. “I’ve been telling her about you all night, you know. How strong and beautiful you are and how lucky she is to have you for a mother. I’ve been telling her about the things you’ll teach her and how much…” he hesitated. “I’ve been telling her how lucky she is because she’s got a great family and two parents who love each other.”

Robin frowned at him but before she could speak, he continued. “I was standing outside the nursery just thinking about all the times I nearly said it and how much I wanted to say it. I don’t know why I never did because it’s true and it’s been true for months. And I know you know it’s true and I know you feel the same way. I guess…” he licked his lips. “It’s just a big thing to say and once it’s out there, you can’t ever take it back and I guess I was…worried,” he shifted. “Because sometimes it doesn’t last.”

“Patrick–” Robin pressed two fingers to his lips. “You don’t have to say it. I know it.”

“I know you do. But you deserve to hear the words. And don’t you dare say it first,” he warned when he saw her opening her mouth again. “We’ve done this entire thing ass backwards and I’ll be damned if you get to say it first.”

“Well, okay then.” Robin folded her hands primly and waited. When he said nothing, she arched an eyebrow. “I’m waiting over here.”

“I’m not saying it right now,” he told her. “You’re expecting it.”

“And you think I’m perverse.” Robin rolled her eyes and grinned at him. “She’s really here, isn’t she?” She leaned back against the pillows and sighed. “I can’t believe I’m finally a mom.” She looked at him. “And you’re a dad.”

“Which, somehow, terrifies me more now than it did before she was born.” Patrick laced their fingers together. “I told her she’s not dating. Ever.”

“Okay.” Robin patted his arm. “That’s what Uncle Mac tried to tell me and you can see that didn’t work out so well.”

“Hmph…well I guess we have a few years before we have to start worrying about it.” He leaned over to press a kiss to her forehead and then just closed his eyes, staying there for a long moment. “I was so scared, Robin. I was standing in front of the nursery, watching her and I just knew I wouldn’t be able to do it on my own.”

When he pulled back, Robin combed her fingers through his unruly hair and smiled. “Of course you would have. And you would have been incredible at it.” When he looked at her curiously, she arched an eyebrow. “Would you have done to Maddy what Noah did to you when your mother died? Abandoned her, let her deal with growing up on her own? Drowned your sorrows in alcohol?”

He exhaled slowly and felt a little of the weight lift from his shoulders. “No,” Patrick admitted quietly. “No, I would never have done that. But we make a much better team–I could never do it solo.”

“Well, I don’t intend for you to have to.” Robin hesitated. “Was she tested?” she asked softly. “I mean, I know it’s not recommended and she’ll probably only test positive because it’s so soon–”

“Steven didn’t test yet,” Patrick interrupted. “Because he didn’t want to get a false positive. You were on all the protocol, Maddy’s on protocol and they’ll test her when she’s eighteen months old because the antibodies will be gone by then. But Steven’s optimistic. He won’t admit it, but I know he is.”

“I know the odds are in our favor,” she said, “and I was able to keep positive while I was pregnant because I could take the drugs and do all the right things. But now she’s here and it’s out of my hands. I can’t control if she’s HIV-positive now, it’s already decided.”

“I know, but we’re not going to spend the next year and a half worrying about it,” Patrick told her. “We have our daughter and we’re going to have a great time staying up all night, dragging to work the next morning, teaching her to talk and to smile and to raise her head and all that other stuff. If she tests positive, we’ll deal with it then. But we’re not going to dwell on it.”

“No,” Robin promised with a smile. “We’ll concentrate on our miracle.”

General Hospital: NICU

Anna clucked her tongue as she wheeled Robin into the nursery and helped her adjust her protective scrubs. “Patrick wanted to be here when you met her, he’s not going to be happy that you didn’t wait for him.”

“He needed to sleep,” Robin said, “and I’m not waiting anymore. Steven finally gave me clearance.” Patrick had gone home two hours before when he’d passed out in a chair and she couldn’t wake him up by calling his name. She’d ordered him out of the room and Elizabeth had escorted him home with a solemn promise to keep him there until he’d had at least four hours of solid sleep.

But Steven had given her the green light to see Maddy fifteen minutes ago and while Robin felt a teensy guilty about not waiting for her husband, she’d been aching to hold her daughter since she’d woken up that morning.

The on duty nurse gently placed Maddy into her arms and suddenly, everything clicked in place for Robin. She could understand why Patrick was so upbeat and not worried about Maddy contracting HIV. This little girl, this little miracle, was capable of so many wonderful things.

“She’s so beautiful,” Robin said, glancing up at her mother. “Isn’t she perfect?”

“She is, darling.” Anna bent down and kissed her daughter’s head. “Absolutely breathtaking. I’ll be right outside, call when you’re ready to leave.”

“I’ve always wanted to be a mother,” Robin told her daughter. “I’ve dreamed of it for so long but I thought it would always be a dream, I never once thought it could happen. But here you are, in spite of everything. I have to believe that there’s a reason and that God wouldn’t give you to me and then give you the same disease. I have to believe there’s some justice in this world and that’s why I’m choosing to believe that you are safe and healthy.”

“I know your father has already told you so much about your new family so we won’t cover the same old ground — you’ll have the rest of your life to know them anyway. But they are a wonderful group of people and we’re both blessed to have them.”

“If someone had sat me down a year ago and said, Robin, you’ve just met the most incredibly obnoxious and arrogant man but in a year, he’s going to be your husband and he’s going to make your dream of being a wife and a mother come true, I would never have believed them. I could have never pictured the Patrick I knew then being the Patrick he is today. But I’ll tell you a secret–he might like to believe I’ve changed him or taught him things, but the man he is today was always there, hidden beneath the obnoxious exterior.”

“So he’s going to tell you that you’ll never date and that he’ll never let boys within fifty feet of you but I’ll work on him. My uncle Mac used to try that on me, but I fell in love with three wonderful men despite him. There was Stone, my first love and probably the purest. It was uncomplicated and it was sweet and I like to think it would have lasted but I guess we’ll never know. I’ll tell you about him more when you’re older because he was very special to me and he should be remembered.” She hesitated. “Jason kept me breathing, he taught me there was life after tragedy, after devastation and it’s hard to believe that I could be here today without those years with him, so I will always be grateful. And I’m secretly very happy he’s in love with your Aunt Liz, because she deserves some happiness.”

“And then there’s your father, my best love. The best happiness is that which is unexpected and he was definitely a surprise. He crashed into my life and he gave it color again. He gave me my dreams, he gave me laughter and love and he gave me you. So I’ll work on him with the no boys rule because I want you to have a Stone and a Patrick. I want you to have dreams and the drive to make them come true, which something your dad can teach you because he knows how to make something from nothing. He lost his mother and he lost his father for a while, but instead of letting go of his dreams, he worked that much harder to achieve them and now he’s the youngest neurosurgeon in the history of the hospital and the best of course, but if you tell him I said that, I’ll deny it,” Robin teased.

“I’m going to try very hard to be good at being a mother,” Robin promised, “and I promise to always love you, to support you and believe in you.” She leaned down despite the pain and kissed Maddy’s forehead. “Welcome to the world, Madelyn. You were worth the wait.”

There was a coughing from the doorway and Robin looked up and narrowed her eyes. “I better not find out you tied up Elizabeth to make your escape.”

Patrick grinned. “I recruited Jason. He came by with Cameron and distracted her long enough so I could get to the garage. Steven called the house.”

“Hmph, well you’re going right back home to sleep,” Robin told him but he ignored her and knelt in front her chair. “How much did you overhear?”

“I heard you telling our daughter that I was arrogant and obnoxious,” Patrick replied. He cleared his throat. “And telling her that I could teach her make her dreams come true. Thank for you for that, Robin.”

“It’s true,” she said softly. “Because you did it for me.”

“Well, it seemed only fair,” he said, leaning up to kiss her lips. “Because you taught me how to dream in the first place. I love you, Robin.”

Robin grinned — the declaration had been worth the wait as well. She knew it was true, she’d felt it for months and hearing it out loud was wonderful, but now that the words were out there, she realized that she hadn’t needed them after all. Words were nice, but sometimes it was what went unsaid that was more important.

“I love you, too,” she whispered. “I will always love you.”

This entry is part 25 of 27 in the Sanctuary

December 2, 2006

General Hospital: Nursery

He’d pictured this moment a thousand times in his head over the last few months. Every time he’d had an ultrasound with Robin and seen his daughter on that little screen, he’d picture watching her through the glass and he had been sure it would be the happiest moment of his life.

When Robin told him she was pregnant only six months ago, he’d approached the situation with thoughts of obligations and responsibilities. He didn’t really want to be a father, couldn’t really picture it in his head. But he’d been raised to do the right thing and he’d convinced Robin to marry him–though that had been as much for him as it had been for her.

As her stomach grew and he felt his child kick, something inside Patrick began to change and he started to wonder about being a father and what their child would be like. He wondered what it was about the experience that made Robin smile so often or radiate happiness. She was born to be a mother and he knew she’d be a good one. But he still couldn’t really visualize himself as a father, especially as the father of a daughter–a terrifying idea.

But that had changed after an ultrasound in September. It was the first ultrasound in which the baby was more than just a blob on a screen. They’d been able to confirm she was, in fact, a girl and she’d turned her tiny face towards the monitor and Patrick had been able to see his daughter for the first time. And in that moment, watching his baby, watching Robin coo and sniffle over their child, he wondered why he could have ever thought he’d be able to survive without a family.

He had helped Elizabeth paint a fairy tale in the nursery and he’d passed over a challenging surgery to move the furniture in. He’d even sat through the surprise baby shower Brenda, Maxie and Georgie threw for Robin. And Noah caught him more than once reading books about childcare in the lounge. He began to dream about her–what she’d look like, what her personality would be like.

She’d have Robin’s eyes, he’d decided. And Robin’s hair. He really wanted that. And her mother’s height. But maybe she’d have his mouth and his chin. She’d have his long fingers and Robin’s grace. Maybe she’d take dance lessons like her mother or maybe she’d play sports. He could coach a softball team, Patrick decided. His father had coached his Little League team and it had been a great experience for them.

And she’d grow up to be smart–he and Robin would always encourage her to do well in school and to do the best she could. He liked to think she’d carry on the family tradition and go into medicine but he’d love her even if she did something else. If she wanted to be a chef, or a teacher or even a lawyer. She would be gracious and she would have Robin’s dignity, her courage but he wanted her to have his confidence and his self-assurance.

She was never going to date, he’d decided that. Or not until she was thirty at least. She wouldn’t want to leave home after high school and they would have to practically push her to leave them. She’d love them so much she’d come home nearly every weekend and they’d never go ten years without speaking.

And maybe she’d want a sibling or two and Patrick could picture him and Robin having more children and of course, before he realized what he was doing, he’d dreamed of an entire family, each with their own quirks and personalities.

The more he pictured Madelyn Devane Drake, the more impatient he was for Robin’s scheduled cesarean section on January 29. Though her viral load had remained the same throughout the pregnancy and she could have risked a normal delivery, she was still nervous and opted for the safest method.

He had pictured the day of Maddy’s birth for months and it would always include him at Robin’s side, taking all the insults she could throw at him while holding her hand and helping her through the pain. He couldn’t wait for Steven to hand him his daughter so that he could give her to Robin. And he wanted to be able to stand the window of the nursery and point out to anyone who might walk by that that was his daughter there.

But it hadn’t unfolded that way. Instead, Robin had gone into premature labor. He’d rushed her to the hospital with Brenda and Elizabeth’s help. They’d been finishing up the nursery–adding stuffed animals and other things he couldn’t remember. Her contractions had been close together and there had barely been time to contact everyone much less prep her for surgery.

She’d made it into surgery and Patrick had been at her side, holding her hand as Steven had made the first incision. His daughter had been born but he couldn’t hold her as Steven hustled her over to the attending nurse who set Maddy into an incubator and wheeled her out of the room. Disappointed, Patrick had turned to Robin just as the monitors around her began beeping.

And everything had happened so fast after that. The monitors had begun beeping shrilly and Robin’s eyes had slid closed. There was suddenly blood and then Patrick had been all but shoved out of the room.

It had been a terrifying twenty minutes before Steven had emerged from the delivery room to tell Robin’s family and friends that the new mother had begun hemorrhaging during delivery and they had to take her up to surgery to repair the damage. She’d lost a lot of blood and was very weak. And then they’d wheeled the gurney past them, Robin lying so small and pale.

And then she was gone.

And now he stood in front of the NICU where his newborn daughter layin an incubator. She wasn’t in any danger and would be moved to a regular bed in a week or two. But she’d been born eight weeks early and it was better to be safer than sorry.

He felt someone step up to him and knew it was Elizabeth as everyone else was back in the waiting room, pacing and biting their nails. Patrick thought Robin would rather he stay with Maddy.

“I never told her I loved her,” Patrick said roughly.

“She knows,” Elizabeth murmured.

“How?” Patrick cleared his throat and dragged his hand through hair, keeping his eyes glued to his daughter. “I never told her, never even really hinted at it except that one time before the wedding. How could she know?”

“Because sometimes you don’t need the words,” she replied. “Do you think Robin loves you?”

He licked his lips. “I know she does,” he answered after a long moment. “But she still deserves the words.” He glanced at her. “You like to hear the words, don’t you?”

“They’re nice,” Elizabeth allowed. She touched the glass and smiled softly at the new Drake baby. “And yes, sometimes you need the words. If Jason had told me he loved me four years ago, things might have turned out differently. But he didn’t and we both suffered through unhappy marriages before we found each other again but it’s not like that for you and Robin. It’s nice to hear the words and I enjoy hearing them but as long as you know they’re true, you don’t always need to say them.” She touched his arm. “Patrick, if the worst happens, she knows you love her.”

“That’s not allowed to happen,” Patrick said firmly. “I’m not raising our daughter without her. So she’s going to be fine.” He only wished he felt as sure as he sounded.

“Then you can tell her every day for the rest of your lives that you love her,” Elizabeth told him. She tipped her head towards the glass. “She’s beautiful.”

“I didn’t get to hold her,” he said quietly. “For months, that’s all I pictured. Steven would hand her to me, and I would get to hold her. But instead, she’s in an incubator. And Robin hasn’t even seen her. How is that fair?”

“Give me one second,” Elizabeth said, holding up her index finger. She went to the doorway and called over the on duty nurse. After a brief discussion, during which Elizabeth went into the room, she reappeared with a set of protective yellow scrubs. “Put these on.”

In less than five minutes, the nurse had helped settle Maddy into his arms and directed him towards a nearby rocking chair. “You can have about ten minutes and then she has to be back,” the nurse cautioned him before giving him some privacy.

She was tinier than he’d pictured her but still as beautiful as he thought she’d be. She had a tiny thatch of dark hair that was close to his shade but he thought it might lighten to Robin’s hair. Her tiny hands were curled into fists and her eyes were closed. “So I’m your dad,” he said hesitantly.

Maddy didn’t show any signs of hearing him but he went on anyway. “Your mom and me, we’ve been waiting for you for a really long time. I’m sorry you haven’t met her yet, but you’re going to love her. Everyone does.”

“Ah,” he paused and cleared his throat, “I apologize in advance if I screw you up, okay? I don’t really have a lot of experience with this parenting thing and I spent about a decade being selfish and irresponsible. If your mom hadn’t come along, I might still be stuck in New York.” At this Maddy opened her tiny mouth in an ‘o’ shape and he grinned, feeling bolstered by the movement. “But your mom did crash into my life and she seems to know what she’s doing so I’m just going to follow her lead and hope for the best.”

“I don’t have a lot of deep thoughts,” Patrick continued. “I let your mom take care of that stuff. I don’t over analyze and I can be impulsive. It makes a good balance because your mother is one of the least spontaneous women I’ve ever met. And she likes to think something to death before she makes a decision. But she’s also the bravest woman I know. And the most gracious, compassionate and kind woman I know. You could do a lot worse for your family, Maddy. Your grandparents on her side are brave and smart and even a little clever but if you ever tell Grandpa Robert I said that, I’ll deny it. Your Grandpa Noah’s just as brave and he’s smart too. And he’s had lot of life experience. He’s made mistakes and he knows better than anyone how to pick the pieces back up and put them back together so if you ever have a problem you can’t go to me or your mother about, I’d recommend him.”

He blinked and took a deep breath. “There’s Uncle Mac and Aunt Felicia. They’ll always support you, no matter what you decide to do. And your uncle Mac is a cop, so he’ll be able to teach you how to protect yourself. Your cousins Georgie and Maxie know all about being a teenager and boys so I want you to stay far away from them. Your Aunt Brenda…” he hesitated. “She’s loyal. And she’ll always have your back. But she talks a lot, so I recommend bringing earplugs along. And there’s your Aunt Liz, she can teach you how to dream big but please don’t pick up on her taste in men, it’s atrocious and as far as I’m concerned, you’re going to a convent school.”

He brushed a knuckle down her cheek. “I can teach you how to hold a scalpel and how to repel really awful pick up lines and how to tell which guys aren’t good for you. But anything worth knowing is going to come from your mother, because she’ll teach you how to be strong, and how to keep going even when you don’t think you can win. And she’ll teach you how to love and how to care for other people. And about friendship and compassion. I know she’ll teach you because she taught me. And she gave me two of the most incredible gifts I’ve ever received in my life. Herself and you.” He leaned down and kissed Maddy’s forehead. “Welcome to the family, Madelyn. You were worth the wait.”

After he’d handed Maddy back to the nurse and saw her safely settled, he stepped out of the nursery and stripped off the yellow scrubs, balling them up and tossing them in a nearby trash bin.

“Thank you,” he told Elizabeth, hugging her. “That was better than performing my first surgery.”

“Nothing like holding your baby for the first time,” she remembered. She tipped her head in the direction of the waiting room. “Why don’t we head back and wait with the others?”