They’re tryin’ to come back, all my senses push
Untie the weight bags, I never thought I could
Steady feet, don’t fail me now
I’m gonna run till you can’t walk
Something pulls my focus out
And I’m standing down
– Stop and Stare, OneRepublic

---

Saturday, May 18, 2002

Elizabeth & Gia’s Apartment: Living Room

As Elizabeth went to get a broom and dustpan, Jason reached for his cell phone.  The last thing any of them needed was someone coming in and blowing the warehouse sky high.

And he was almost positive it was a bomb—the force of the blast—the fact that windows had shattered five blocks away—what else could it be?

“Where are you?”  Sonny’s voice picked up almost before the phone rang. “Did you see? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good. I’m at the Brownstone with Elizabeth. It—Sonny, the windows shattered here. Probably almost everywhere else on the block.”

He heard a knock and turned to the door as Elizabeth let Bobbie in. The redhead was a bit shaken as she took in the broken windows. “Bobbie just came in.” He looked at her. “Your windows, too?”

“Yeah.” Bobbie blinked at him. “I—it woke us up. I just—I left Lucas with Michael because I wanted—” She pressed her fingers to her lips. “I wanted to see if Elizabeth knew where you were—I saw it was at the warehouse—”

“The whole area is engulfed,” Sonny said, and Jason turned his attention back to the phone. “Not just our building. But most of the pier. No way it’s an accident. Alexis and I are on our way down—”

“I’ll be—”

“We talked about this, Jase. You need to stick where you are. You need to be out of this.”

“Sonny—” Jason gritted his teeth. It had made sense in the moment, but now he wasn’t so sure. “This was serious—”

He saw Elizabeth dump glass in the recycle bin and then go back towards the bedrooms to check the other windows, but Bobbie stood there, her dark eyes sober. Worried.

“I know. I don’t know who was there tonight. I’ll let you know when I know something else, but we gotta—we gotta stick to the plan.”

“Yeah, all right. I’ll talk to you later.” Jason hung up the phone and just stared at it for a long moment. He hated being out of the loop. Unable to fix anything. To not be right there when the information came in.

“Jason?”

He turned to Bobbie. “Hey. I’m—I’m gonna make some calls. I’ll have someone out here to fix the windows by the morning, but—Is…is Michael okay? I’m sure he was scared.”

“He’s all right. Lucas distracted him with video games. He’s getting good at that.” Bobbie watched Elizabeth return from the back of the apartment, more glass in the dustpan. “I’m glad…I’m glad you were here, Jason.”

She left then, and Jason looked at Elizabeth who met his eyes without hesitation. With understanding. “Are you going to meet Sonny?” she asked softly.

“I—” Jason exhaled slowly and slid the cell phone back in his pocket. He picked up his gun from the table where he had set it, and put the safety back on and tucked the gun back in placce. “There are things I won’t be able to tell you. I know you know that. But…that was before…” He looked away, leaned against the back of the sofa. “Before.”

“Before we started dating.” Elizabeth set the broom and dustpan aside, then sat at the small circular table she and Gia had used to dump their books and papers throughout the semester. “Okay.”

“Sonny—he likes to think it’s better when you don’t tell anyone anything ever. And I guess after Brenda and Carly, that makes sense for him, but it just—I don’t know. I never told Robin much, I guess. And it usually meant we argued about what I wasn’t telling her. And Carly turned Sonny into the Feds. And Brenda wore a wire. So, I think—”

“Jason.” She managed a brief smile, a light of amusement in her eyes. “You’re rambling. I get it. There’s stuff I don’t need to know because…I don’t need to know it. But there’s things you think I should know because it makes us both safer. And I know you don’t want to lie to me. So, tell me what you want me to know.”

Her quiet acceptance of everything he was—it was so different than anything he had ever had in his life before and it took him a minute to gather his thoughts again.

Jason pulled out another chair next to her and sat down. “After I left last year, I—I didn’t think I’d come back so Sonny had to—what I used to do for him—”

“He gave your job to someone else,” she said with a nod. “Makes sense.” And neither of them commented on the reason he hadn’t planned on returning to Port Charles. It just wasn’t important anymore.

“So technically…I’m as out as I could be. And if I left Port Charles, I’d be out.” Jason hesitated. “And I haven’t…gotten my job back. In the same way. I’m…” He searched for the right way to explain it. “You know that Sorel died last year.”

“Yeah, and Sonny merged the territories.” When he blinked at her, she shrugged. “You pick up some things on the street, and Sonny gave some hints. He put a guard on me for a little bit during the worst of it because Sorel’s men knew me from before.”

“Oh.” He felt out of his depth, didn’t know what to do with someone he could…explain things to without them demanding more. Who just…understood him. “It meant taking in a lot of new guys. New clubs. And Sonny’s been expanding elsewhere. In Atlantic City. He’s talking about Las Vegas.”

“I imagine it’s been difficult with so many new people.” Elizabeth tilted her head. “Is that what you’re doing? Sorting through them?”

“Yeah. Kind of. Auditing records, actually.” He rubbed his hands against his jeans. “There’s…some irregularities. We think we know who and how, but we’re just…we don’t have enough. This, though…” He heard the sirens of ambulances, fire engines, and police cars as they raced towards the scene. “This is out of the blue. I don’t know of any threat that…would explain this.”

“Okay,” she drew out the word with a squint of her eyes. “But you’re not leaving to meet with Sonny because you’re not technically back at work?” Elizabeth frowned. “Do…do you want people to think you’re not there?”

“Yeah. If I’m out, then there’s no reason for me to be there tonight.” He frowned and looked at the door. “I’m surprised Taggert isn’t banging on the door yet. He would have seen my bike parked on the street—”

“He went to Buffalo with Gia. He’ll probably harass you when he gets back.” Elizabeth bit her lip. “Thanks. I mean for telling me. I know you don’t like to talk about any of this.”

“I don’t because—” Jason took her hand in his, felt the soft skin of her fingers. Ignored the bruise developing on her forearm. “I don’t like to think about of that when we’re together.”

“But the real world is what it is.” She laced her fingers with his. “For what it’s worth, Jason, not that my opinion matters or anything, but if you’re trying to find a traitor or whatever, it’s probably good that they don’t think you’re doing more than the books. You’ve got a reputation.”

He scowled at that. “What do you mean?”

She lifted a brow. “No one messes with you. I remember that day on the docks when you almost threw Sorel in the harbor for talking to me. I mean, yeah, he approached me one time when you left and there was that bomb, but I was mostly left alone after that. Anyway… I’m sorry if it makes you uncomfortable, but people talk about you, and I’ve…” She shrugged. “I’ve seen you in action. Anyone who wants to get one over on Sonny knows they have to go through you. If you’re not really back at the job, if people think you’re just here to deal with Michael and might go away again, they’re not going to cover their tracks as much.”

Jason leaned back, drawing his hand from hers. “None of this bothers you?” he asked, feeling a bit skeptical. Robin had never spoken so matter of factly about his job. Or what he did. And Carly had really only enjoyed spending the money.

But no one had ever spoken to him bluntly about the work he did. Or how well he did it.

Elizabeth frowned. “Are…are you mad because I get it?” She pressed her lips together. “I would think it would actually be easier for you if I didn’t. I mean, Jesus, Jason, what do you want me to say? I found you bleeding in the snow and changed your bandages. I hid you in my studio because you didn’t want anyone to know you were here. And I’ve seen you hold on a gun on people. I know what you do. I know who you are.”

“I—”

“Do I wish that you…had a safer job? I guess. I don’t really think about it. You were a mechanic for a while, but I know you didn’t like it. And…” she shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s not black and white. You work in a violent world. But you know what? The whole damn world is violent. You don’t have the monopoly on danger. I mean, I walked through the park at night and that turned out to be—” Her voice stopped.

“I’m sorry,” Jason said roughly. “I don’t mean—I just…” He swallowed hard. “I don’t know. We’ve never talked about any of this.”

“You need to understand that I don’t see you through rose-colored glasses. That yeah, there’s the guy you are with me or with Michael or Bobbie—then there’s another side of you. But I’ve seen that side of you, Jason.” She learned forward and forced him to meet her eyes. “I’ve seen it. I know you know how to use that gun. I know you’ve been shot more often than I want to think about. I’ve seen what you’re capable of. And my face isn’t going to change.”

She held up a hand before he could speak. If he could have even spoken. “And don’t tell me it did with Lucky. That was—that wasn’t you. That was me. I was terrified last year. I didn’t know what to think. Who to believe. I wanted to believe Lucky because that meant I didn’t have to blow up my life. It was easier to believe him. I spent two years taking the easy way out. Because I was too afraid to do anything else.”

“Elizabeth—”

“I’m not doing that again. I’m done living my life in fear. So, yeah, I know what you do for a living, Jason. And no, it doesn’t bother me. If it bothers you that I’m not wringing my hands over it—” She rose to her feet, shrugging a shoulder as she did so. “Then maybe this isn’t going to work—”

He reached for her hand as she started to walk away, just to stop her. To turn her back. “Hey. I’m sorry. I just—what I do is…”

“You’re used to people looking at you differently because of it.” Elizabeth sighed. “I get it. You’ve had to deal with my baggage about Lucky so many times, it’s only fair that I get some of yours.” She framed his face with her hands. “I am not Robin. And I will never walk away because of your job.”

“Okay.” He tugged her closer to him and kissed her. He wasn’t entirely sure he believed her, but he knew she believed it, and that was enough for him.

It was more than he’d ever had before.

Monday, May 20, 2002

Kelly’s: Hallway

AJ hesitated for just a moment before knocking briskly on Lucky Spencer’s door. It was jerked open and the blond man scowled. “What? I’m packing.” He squinted. “Why are you here?”

“Because if it wasn’t me making sure you were leaving, it’d be Jason.” AJ raised his brows. “Pretty sure that would be bad idea.”

Lucky scowled and jerked away from the door, disappearing back into the room. “I told Liz I’d go, and I’m going.”

“Okay.” AJ moved inside the doorway and leaned against the frame. He didn’t like the younger man—didn’t much care for anyone who put their hands on a woman. Beyond that one horrible fight with Carly, he could honestly say he’d never stooped to that.

But there was something in the way he carried himself, something just beneath the anger that radiated from his lanky frame.

Desperation.

AJ understood that. He’d lived it.

“It’s easy to stay angry.”

Lucky paused as he shoved some clothes into a duffel and looked at him. “What?”

“When your world blows up,” AJ continued. “When people disappoint you. When you disappoint yourself. Being angry is easy. It feels good. And sometimes, you get stuck in it.”

Lucky exhaled slowly. “I’m not angry all of the time—” But the protest seemed weak and he couldn’t finish it.

“When I found out Jason had lied about Michael, I got angry. And I stayed angry.” He shrugged. “Not that my marriage to Carly ever really had a chance, but maybe if I had been kinder. More understanding. I don’t know. Maybe. But I made choices that led me to losing her and Michael. And then I—I started drinking. And—”

“Carly fell.”

“Yeah.” AJ rubbed his mouth, trying to block out that moment. To forget his part in it. He hadn’t pushed her. He knew that in his heart and in his soul. But he’d been part of the moment. And he should have walked away.

“I spent years drowning out all the voices that told me I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t Jason. I wasn’t Ned. I wasn’t the right kind of Quartermaine. I crumbled under that pressure, Lucky. And I ruined my life. I didn’t push her, but that doesn’t make me any less guilty.”

Lucky looked down at his hands as if they belonged to strangers. “I know I left marks on her,” he murmured. “I had to have.”

“I know what it’s like to feel like you’re not going to measure up to Jason. To come in a distant second.” He’d done with the family. With Keesha. With Carly.

The younger man looked up, his mouth pressed into angry lines. “Yeah, and he just stands there because he doesn’t actually give a damn. He’s not—”

“He’s not even competing. Yeah.” AJ hesitated. “I understand being hurt about how Elizabeth called off the wedding. That she didn’t call it off before. That she waited until—”

“We were standing in front of everyone who loved us. Family. Friends. Everyone who—” Lucky broke off. “You didn’t know us before. Before I died.”

“No, but I remember—I remember you. Around the house, with Emily. And I—I went with Emily to your funeral.” AJ rubbed his chest, thinking of his younger sister. “She was devastated. Everyone was. But Elizabeth was beyond that.”

“Yeah.” Lucky resumed packing. “She said that. When I came home. That she almost drowned in it. But that Jason helped her figure out how to live with it. And you know, I’m glad. I want to be glad,” he corrected. “She didn’t know I was alive. And I wouldn’t have wanted her to lose herself.” His voice dimmed. “She worked too hard to put herself back together. I would have hated if she’d gone back to that place. And so, yeah, when she told me Jason helped her. Was there for her, I was glad. I liked Jason. He was good to me.”

“And then he came home.”

“And she looked at him.” Lucky turned to AJ. “And you know what I mean. She told me she loved me. But she looked at him.”

“And stayed with you.”

“And that’s—I can’t stop being pissed off about it. But I made that choice, too. I stayed. I guilted her into staying with me. I knew I could. And I did.” He looked back at his hands. “And last night, I—I don’t know.”

“It’s easy to stay angry,” AJ said again. “Because, man, it feels good. It feels righteous. When you’re angry, you can throw it at someone. Make them hurt the way you hurt. So, I get that. And I get how that anger turns into something like last night. The only person in my entire world that loved me anyway was my brother. And he’s gone because of me. Jason’s alive, but he’s not my brother. I killed that man. I took him away from my family. From me. From everyone. And I have to live with that.”

“I don’t know how to stop being angry,” Lucky said dully. “And it’s not just Liz. It’s…it’s my whole damn life. I look around at it, and I just—” He shook his head. “I’m tired of everyone looking at me and wanting me to be that guy. Who I used to be.”

Lucky wouldn’t appreciate the comparison, but he had more in common with Jason that he thought. And maybe one day, AJ could tell him that. But for now, he stood there while Lucky packed the rest of his things and helped him put them in his car.

“Where are you going to go?”

“I’m going to go home and stay with my mom for a while. She and my dad are planning a second wedding,” Lucky said. “I guess I’ll help them do that. Do some photography for my mom’s company. I don’t know.” He hesitated as he opened his car door. “You’re right. I’ve…I’ve held on to the anger. Because I don’t know what else is there.”

“A year ago, I woke up,” AJ said. “And I was hungover. I stumbled into the bathroom, looked at myself in the mirror, and I was just…I was done with it. Because the alcohol drowned out the voices, yeah. But I was killing myself. Nothing horrible happened. Nothing traumatic. I just woke up one day and I was done. But until that day comes, Lucky, you gotta stay away from the people who make you angry.”

“Yeah. Not the worst idea. Thanks. For not…for not treating me like…well, for not kicking my ass.”

“Thought about it, but I’ve been there, Lucky. And it doesn’t help. You know you were wrong. Make it better.”

AJ stepped back and watched as Lucky pulled out of the parking lot. He’d done what he could to reach out to someone else who was drowning, but there was no way to know if it had worked.

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

Sonny ran his hands through his hair and winced as Benny listed the casualties from the explosion. Seven of their night shift workers hadn’t been able to escape the building, including their manager who had been with Sonny since he’d managed the Paradise a decade ago.

“What does the fire chief say?” Jason asked from across the room by the fireplace.

“They found remnants of a bomb,” Benny reported. “Too early to be more specific but we got our guys at the PD on it. We’ll know when the full report comes in.” He shook his head. “I didn’t—I didn’t see this coming.”

“It wasn’t just us they hit,” Sonny murmured. “The fire spread to a few of the other businesses. The Quartermaines lost a building. A restaurant went up in flames. Two stores. Whoever planted this one—they meant to destroy everything.”

“I’ve never seen anything do this kind of damage here,” Jason admitted. “Five blocks away, most of the buildings lost their windows. I got someone out there today replacing what we can, but car windows—what do the Families say?”

Benny spread his hands. “Johnny called last night—he was in touch with the Zaccharas. We’ve heard from Hector in Miami. There’s just nothing from their end. And this isn’t Tagliatti or Vega’s signature. They’ve got no reason to blow up our place.”

“It doesn’t make any sense,” Sonny murmured. “A smaller bomb. A fire. Something to get our attention. But taking out the entire building and most of the crew that handles shipments—it’s nothing but problems for anyone going through us. It’ll be a month before we’re back up to speed. If not longer if the PCPD wants to be assholes about it.”

“What about Nico?” Benny asked. “I wouldn’t think he’d have the resources—”

“He’d have to get them from somewhere and I don’t know anyone who’s willing to destroy the waterfront to get to you,” Jason cut in. “Even Roscoe can’t be that stupid. This doesn’t make sense, Sonny. There’s…there’s no escalation here. It’s just nuclear right away.”

“I want to hear from Tagliatti and Vega to be sure. And make sure we got eyes and ears everywhere.” Sonny rubbed his eyes. He hadn’t slept. Had spent half the night down at the PCPD trying to explain to Mac he really wasn’t stone walling.

He didn’t know what the fuck was going on.

Benny excused himself to deal with the details and left Jason and Sonny alone. “You said you got the windows at the Brownstone replaced?”

“They’re there now,” Jason said. He hesitated. “We’ll figure this out, Sonny.”

“There used to be a way of doing business,” Sonny muttered. “A code. It’s all gone to hell.”

Friday, June 7, 2002

Miami, Florida: Cafe de Lune

Zander slid off his sunglasses and scanned the interior of the small cafe. He found his target across the room, in a corner. He hadn’t expected to hear from Luis Alcazar for a few more weeks and certainly hadn’t thought to be summoned to meet in public.

“Senor Smith.” Luis folded the Venezuelan newspaper and set it down on the table. “Would you like an espresso?” He raised his hand to summon the waitress, but Zander shook it off.

“Nah, I don’t like that stuff.” He sat across from the other man and frowned. “I’m surprised you wanted to meet with me. Here.”

Alcazar shrugged. “Corinthos doesn’t have time to worry about a guy he fired a month ago. He confirmed your new employment and moved on. You heard about their warehouse?”

“Yeah.” Zander pressed his lips together. “Doesn’t seem like that was the plan.”

“It wasn’t. Senor Roscoe is impatient.” Alcazar sipped his own drink, somehow making the act of drinking from a miniature cup look intimidating. “Wanted to send a message.”

“Some message. Hector is pissed about it. All movement has halted. No profits. Everyone’s ticked off. And he’s looking at me funny.”

Zander wasn’t interested in working for another half-assed idiot who didn’t take Corinthos and Morgan seriously.

“I’ll speak to him. I’ve dealt with our associate. He knows if he moves again without my say-so, it will be to his detriment.” Alcazar pursed his lips. “Though it was interesting to learn that Jason Morgan did not report to the penthouse until the next day. He stayed with his girlfriend. Is she the type who needs her hand held?”

“Elizabeth?” Zander scowled, remembering the scrape of her nails as she’d clawed at his face. “She can take care of herself. And it’s not her first rodeo. Morgan’s sister told me she hid Morgan after he was shot. And had a bomb in her studio for her troubles. She wasn’t hurt, but it didn’t sour her none. She’s tougher than she looks.”

“Is it possible Morgan is staying out of the business while he is in Port Charles? That this trip home is temporary?”

Zander hesitated. “I would have said yes when he first came back. Corinthos split his job between O’Brien and Corelli after the merger. He hadn’t done that before. And the way I hear it, that hasn’t changed yet. But I know he was looking at the books. Nico was getting freaked out. Dumped the product.”

He waited for a moment. “I would have said it was temporary,” he repeated. “That he would have settled the custody issues and left. But it got complicated with AJ Quartermaine going after custody. And if he’s seeing Elizabeth Webber, he’s probably not pulling up stakes.”

“The Webber girl has been involved with him for several years—never stopped him before—”

“They never dated before,” Zander interrupted. “There was always Lucky Spencer. He’s not a factor now. Trust me, if they’re together, it’s serious. And she’s got roots here. She’s managing that restaurant. She has friends. She’s in college. She’s not gonna go away with him.”

Alcazar nodded, steepling his fingers under his nose. “Thank you for your insight. It helps a great deal.”

“Are you still planning an ambush?”

“I’ve had to readjust that plan a bit. This warehouse incident has heightened security. Made them suspicious. My plan works when they’re not expecting it. We’ll have to wait.” Alcazar dropped a twenty on the table. “I’ll smooth things over with Hector and be in touch when we’re ready.” He rose to his feet. “You had a reputation for being a hothead. I’m pleased to see you’ve throttled it back.”

“Well,” Zander said with some consideration, “you seem to take Corinthos and Morgan seriously. They’re not weak. Or easy to take it down. Not impossible. But not easy. It’s irritating when no one else sees what you see.”

“Indeed. Keep out of trouble.”

Kelly’s: Courtyard

Elizabeth wrinkled her nose as she scrubbed dried milkshake from one of the outside tables. “Goddamn assholes can’t even wipe up after themselves,” she muttered.

She heard a sound behind her and turned to find Lucky standing just inside the entrance.

She hadn’t seen him in nearly three weeks, not since that night. AJ had told her he’d seen Lucky to his car himself, and she’d been relieved by that news.

“Lucky,” she said, a bit warily. She glanced over her shoulder through the window. Courtney and Gia were at the counter as always, bickering as Courtney refilled sugar canisters.

“I just wanted—” Lucky hesitated. “We met here, you know.”

How could she forget? It had practically been her first day in town, and she’d made an irritation of herself to practically everyone—including Lucky when she’d insulted the bracelet his little sister made for him and his name. Love at first sight, obviously.

“I remember.” She tossed the milkshake-stained rag into the plastic tub with the other dirty dishes. “You didn’t much like me then, so I guess we’ve come full circle.”

“I thought I had all the answers back then,” he murmured. “I was Luke and Laura Spencer’s kid. That made me special.” He looked away, off to the side as if remembering that. “I don’t remember why I felt that way. I just know it was part of my DNA. And then…somehow, during that year, I lost it. And I keep trying to find it.”

She managed a sigh, feeling a bit of…empathy. She’d grieved that year, but he’d been kidnapped. Brainwashed. “I know. And I know I wasn’t—I looked at you like you were supposed to still be that boy. And that wasn’t fair.”

“I thought you should still be that girl.” He met her eyes there, and the anger…it was still there, but it was dimmer. And she didn’t feel it radiating towards her. “But so did everyone else. Everyone kept looking at me and you and I guess they thought if we could be those people again, it would all be okay. It could go back the way it was.”

“It’s too much pressure to put on a relationship,” she murmured. “I never stopped loving you—”

“But you stopped being in love with me,” he finished. Lucky nodded, slipping his hands in his pockets. “Yeah, I know. Because I stopped being in love with you, too. But I couldn’t admit it. Couldn’t face it. I just wanted to be that kid again. I wanted to be Lucky Spencer.”

“I went up to my room that night,” he continued, “and I just stared at my hands.” He looked down at them now, spreading his fingers out. “I…I grabbed you. Maybe I didn’t hit you. But I don’t think that changes it. I promised you once I would never hurt you. And that’s all I’ve done for years. And that night—” He shook his head. “I don’t recognize myself, Elizabeth.”

She sighed. “I hurt you, too. And I am sorry for that, I am. But at some point, Lucky, it’s going to have to be enough. I—I have to live my life. And I want—I deserve to be happy again.”

“Yeah.” Lucky nodded. “Yeah. You’re right. And maybe—maybe that’s why I can’t seem to put it away. Why I can’t stop being angry. Because I don’t know how to stop wanting my life back. I don’t even know what life I have now. And you do. You didn’t wait around for someone to give you the answers. You went out and got them.” Lucky looked away, his mouth twisting in disgust. “And I think maybe I almost hate you for being able to do that.”

She closed her eyes, accepted the words. “I didn’t have the answers when I left you, Lucky. I didn’t know what I wanted. I just…I tried things. I went back to school. I threw myself into my job. And I just tried to move past it all.” Elizabeth hesitated. “And, yeah…I found someone to be with. I can’t apologize for that.” She paused. “I won’t apologize for that.”

“I just…I came here to tell you I was sorry for that night. For all the nights—” Lucky shrugged. “It’s not enough. It never takes it back. But I just…I need you to know that I know I was wrong. And AJ didn’t have to force me to go. I’m surprised Jason hasn’t taken my head off. If it had been him who walked in—”

He exhaled slowly. “I try to remember that Jason is a man I used to respect. That I considered a friend. He looked out for me when I wasn’t living at home. And I—I’m—” He swallowed hard. “I’m mostly glad you had someone to talk to when I was gone. And I know he’ll treat you well. I just—I can’t seem to be happy for you.”

“Fair enough.” Elizabeth twisted her fingers in front her. “So—”

“Mom has some connections with some photography studios in New York,” Lucky cut in. “Photography…it’s the only thing I’ve kind of…felt good about since I came home. I’m going to try—I’m going to see if I can do something with it, you know? So I just—I’m going away. I think it’s better for both of us if I’m not around. Maybe I’ll be able to put something together and I can…stop being so goddamn angry.”

She was relieved to hear that he would be leaving Port Charles, but somewhere, deep inside, she grieved for the boy. And hoped he’d find peace. “Good luck, Lucky. I wish you the best.”

“Yeah.” He nodded slowly. “Thanks. You…you, too.”

If we can make it through this storm
And become who we were before
Promise me we’ll never look back
The worst is far behind us now
We’ll make it out of here somehow
Meet me in the aftermath

– Aftermath, Lifehouse

---

Thursday, May 9, 2002

Kelly’s: Courtyard

AJ looked up from the contract at his brother. “It looks good. What do I have to do?”

Jason shifted and cleared his throat. “Alexis wants you to get it okayed by a lawyer of your own—”

AJ held up his hand, shaking his head. “I trust Alexis, and I trust you.” When Jason’s eyes widened just slightly, AJ understood. This new era of civility was nice, but it was…discomforting after so many years of discord.

But AJ wasn’t interested in anything more than what was fair. “This is exactly what we talked about the other night, Jason.” He tapped the paper. “Increased visitation. I never wanted— I can’t imagine demanding that Michael come live with me full-time right now. That’s not fair to anyone—particularly to Bobbie and Michael. He doesn’t know me, and he’ll need time.”

Jason exhaled slowly. “You’re not angry about the supervised—”

“You have no reason to trust my sobriety, Jase.” AJ looked at the pen in his hands, twirling it. “I’m not always sure I do. I’ve done the steps, you know? I go to the meetings. I’ve been honest about why I drink. But…” He hesitated, but Jason—more than anyone else—deserved the truth. “I’ve seen guys like me there. With families and everything to stay sober for. And one little set back—one stupid thing—and they take a drink. And have to start over again.”

Jason said nothing, so AJ continued. “When Carly—when I heard about the accident, I wanted a drink.” His hands still shook at the memory—at the fierce longing for that dark, bitter taste of whiskey as it slid down his throat.

“The family was fighting again, looking at me to go after Michael, pressuring me—they wanted me to act right then—they were ready to do it without me. I just…I wanted their voices to go away. I drove to a liquor store. And I sat outside for ten minutes, arguing with myself.”

“AJ—”

“You need to know this, Jason,” AJ cut off Jason’s uncomfortable protest. “You need to know that I’m aware of my weaknesses.  No one has ever put Michael first like you. You had legal visitation and you walked away to make his life easier. I can’t—” His throat tightened. “I don’t know if I could make the same sacrifice. So, you need to know that I still think about it.”

“Okay.” Jason waited a moment. “What stopped you?”

“You,” AJ said simply. “And Courtney. Thinking about what I’d be giving up. How disappointed she’d be if I went in that store. How much I would hate seeing your face and knowing how much better you were—”

“It’s not about being better—”

“It is for me,” AJ interrupted. “And that’s something I’m working on. I don’t want to measure myself against you. I’ve done that all my life. Our parents—Grandfather—they’ve always looked at the two of us and wished—” He looked away. “You think they’re disappointed in how you turned out? Christ, at least you have the accident to blame. I don’t have that. I had all the privileges in the world and I threw them away.”

“It isn’t a contest, AJ.” But Jason looked a bit…uncertain. “But I guess—between Carly and Michael—I can see why you think that way.”

“I don’t have to be better than you to be okay,” AJ said after a long moment. “I know that. I don’t always remember it. And if sometimes—if wanting to be better than you is the reason I don’t take a drink that day, well, I guess that’s not the worst thing in the world.”

“I guess not.” Jason turned in his chair, so that he could see through the glass panels of the door to the dining room where Elizabeth and Courtney were laughing together.

“I didn’t marry her for the best reasons,” AJ said after long moment as they watched the women they cared about fill sugar canisters. “But I got lucky. Because Courtney is the best thing that ever happened to me, and that’s the other reason I don’t take a drink. I never want her to be sorry for a minute she took a chance on me.”

Jason slid the contract closer to AJ. “Take this to a lawyer. I know you trust Alexis, and I’m—I trust you, too. But we need to do this by the book, right? So that Michael is protected. I don’t want—” He hesitated, as if searching for right words. “I want us all to be on the same page.”

“Fine.” AJ hesitated. “Thank you. For giving me this chance.”

“You earned it,” Jason admitted with a bit of a grimace. He stood immediately. “I have to get back to work.” He went inside the diner, where AJ watched him talk to Elizabeth for a moment before disappearing through the back, likely to the alley where he had parked his bike.

Courtney emerged from the diner, a hopeful smile on her face. “Did it go well? We didn’t hear any shouting.”

“It—” AJ tilted his head, considering the custody agreement in front of him. “It went better than I could have hoped for.” Maybe…he and Jason could be better than civil strangers. He wouldn’t hope they’d ever be brothers, but…he’d settle for friends. Maybe.

Yacht: Study

“I think we should get to know the plan,” Zander said as he took a seat in front of a heavy mahogany desk in the dark paneled room.

“In good time, Smith.” Alcazar drew in a deep drag of the cigar. “You talk to Dominic Savarolli?”

“Yeah, yesterday.” Zander shifted slightly. “He’s pretty pissed at me about how I got fired, but he’s got no love for Corinthos or Morgan. He’s looking to move out to Vegas, and Morgan gummed up the works when he came back.”

“So, the word on the street is right — Nico’s still dealing and Corinthos doesn’t know shit,” Roscoe said, with a grin of satisfaction. “He’s a dumb fuck, always has been—”

Zander didn’t roll his eyes, but came close. This was why Moreno and Sorel had fallen apart—why no one got close to overthrowing Sonny Corinthos. Refusing to participate in the drug trade was the primary reason Sonny had charmed the citizens of Port Charles—and it was a handy way to test the loyalty of one’s soldiers.

“Nico’s been all right funneling the profits through the strip club because Sonny’s business guys didn’t notice the extra money,” Zander said, ignoring Mickey. “But lately, there’s too much profit to hide cleanly. And everyone knows Jason Morgan has a head for the numbers. With him back, it’s just a matter of time. Nico wanted to get to Vegas and dump the crap on me.”

Alcazar lifted his brows in surprise. “You knew you were to be the scapegoat?”

“I’m not an idiot,” Zander muttered. “He wants to put me in charge of all the gambling in town? I mean, it’s not Vegas or Atlantic City, but it’s not nothing either. And he’d be leaving me with the drug trade. I got nothing against dealing—people are gonna do it whether I give it to them or not. I might as well make money from it.”

He lifted a shoulder. “I figured he was gonna leave me holding the bag. I had a plan. Go to Sonny as if I had just figured it out. Sonny rewards whistle blowing. I might not be able to stay in charge, but I was willing to gamble it’d be good for my career.” Lot of fucking good it did him now. He’d waited Nico out, let the son of a bitch set him up, and now Zander was out in the cold looking for a pay day.

Nico would pay for fucking him over. When the time was right.

Roscoe eyed him now. “So, Morgan’s back to act as a fancy auditor?” He snorted. “Some lethal—”

“Shut up, Mickey.” Alcazar leaned forward, stubbed out his cigar in the ashtray. “Morgan’s looking into the books?”

“Yeah. Benny Abrams is the best in the business, but he’s got his hands full with all the expansion and merger shit Sonny’s been dumping on him. He handles the legitimate stuff, and he’s gotta make sure it all looks clean. He don’t got time to make sure everyone is dotting the I’s and crossing the T’s. Jason’s always been his back up. Used to do the books for a bunch of Sonny’s stuff when he was starting out. At Luke’s and the warehouse when they first opened it.”

Alcazar nodded. “You say Nico’s on board?”

“He wants to get rid of Morgan as much as the rest of us,” Zander replied. “He says whatever you need, he’s got you.”

“Good. Good.” Alcazar nodded. “I’ll be wanting to cause trouble for them. Nothing…too drastic. Test their reactions. Find the weak spots in their network. I have…an idea for luring Jason into that ambush, but I still have to…work out what comes after.”

“I don’t know why we don’t just pick Sonny Corinthos off,” Roscoe muttered. “He’s an open target—”

“Because then Morgan tracks you down and tears you into small pieces,” Zander said, disgusted. There was a reason Moreno and Sorel hadn’t had patience for this dick head. “And then he takes over, and then you’re really shit out of luck. Most of the higher ups—they like Sonny fine. But some of them would walk through fire for Morgan.”

His elbows propped on the desk, his fingers steepled in front of his face, Alcazar considered Roscoe for a long moment. “I want you to keep your ears to the ground. I want to know how Corinthos operates. How he handles mistakes. Who his men are. Not just the ones likely to defect, but those who won’t. We need to know the most loyal soldiers, who to take out first. You’ll be the point man with Nico.”

Alcazar said nothing further, and it was clear he intended those words as a dismissal to Roscoe. The other man muttered something, but left the room.

Zander considered the man for a long time. “You want Nico as the fall guy, don’t you? When you take out Jason, you want to make sure all roads lead to him.”

“Nico has already done that for me. He’s made it clear he’s desperate to get out of town, and there’s little doubt Morgan has found the extra money. Nico already made himself a target.” Alcazar offered a cold smile. “He’s not loyal to Corinthos or Morgan. Nico did you a favor, setting you up in Miami. You’ll be comfortable there, working for my old friend Hector Ruiz. If Corinthos looks further for an accomplice, well—Roscoe won’t be hard to find.” He tilted his head. “It’s possible Nico might name you, but you’ll be alibied by Hector Ruiz.”

It was just crazy enough to work, but Zander wasn’t going to bet his life on a clean getaway. “About that Miami thing—”

“You’ll need to stay gone for a few weeks, and Ruiz is a good connection to make,” Alcazar cut in smoothly. “You’ve done what’s necessary for now. I may need you in a few weeks, but for you to stay useful, you need to stay above suspicion.”

Zander had his doubts about any of this working—not because Alcazar hadn’t taken his advice or was an idiot. But Alcazar wanted his hands clean and to achieve that, he had to put major portions of his plans in the hands of others. Anything could go wrong.

Zander would just have to stay one step ahead of all of them in order to get out of this, but oh—if he succeeded…if he could watch Corinthos fall apart after Morgan was taken out—

That was worth any risk.

Saturday, May 11, 2002

Quartermaine Mansion: Family Room

It was not often that Edward Louis Quartermaine apologized—in fact, Ned could only count perhaps three or four times in his living memory that the old bastard had allowed the words “I’m sorry” to leave his lips—and usually, his grandmother was poking at him.

But this time, Lila Quartermaine had not had to work her magic.

AJ had stopped by to see Ned, to tell his mother that he would finally have his chance—he and Jason had arrived at a custody agreement that put Michael first, but allowed AJ the opportunity to be Michael’s father.

Edward had taken the news with a bit of silence, and Ned had watched the old man with curious caution. How would Edward absorb the news that AJ had solved the issue on his own?

“It seems you knew best after all,” Edward finally managed gruffly as he skimmed the agreement. “You had your own lawyer look at this?”

“Yeah, Alexis gave me a list of a few who specialize in child custody. I called one. She said it was good.” AJ cleared his throat. “She called Alexis, and we all decided—we’re going to file it with the courts. Along with reinstatement of my rights. So legally, I’m—” he hesitated, and he swallowed hard.

“Legally, you’re his father,” Ned finished. He looked at their grandfather. “Junior did good, huh?”

“I’m sorry…” Edward hesitated. “I’m sorry I tried to—” He returned the custody agreement to AJ. “I just—I wanted to know him.”

“I know.” AJ folded the paperwork. “And I know that you have no reason to think I can do this, that I can stay sober, but—” He dipped his head. “In a few months, I’ll get my one-year chip. I’ve never—I’ve never made this long before.”

“The girl you married—Courtney…” Edward hesitated. “She’s part of it. She’s…she’s been good to you.”

“Yeah.” AJ managed a smile. “She saw something in me, and I want—I want to make sure I live up to that.” He rose to his feet. “I want to build a good life for us, for Michael. For the children I want with her. We’re on our way to doing that now. I have a good job.”

“I’d like—” Edward also stood. “I’ll release your trust fund. I shouldn’t have taken it from you, and—”

“I appreciate that, Grandfather,” AJ said, holding up a hand. “And I’ll likely to dip into it so Courtney and I can move somewhere bigger, somewhere for Michael to have his own room. But it doesn’t—I can’t come back to ELQ. Or this house.”

Edward pressed his lips together, but his eyes were sad. Not angry. “I trust you to know what’s best for your sobriety, my boy. I hope one day that may change, but for now, I can accept that.” He cleared his throat. “I’ll go find your grandmother and give her the good news.”

“You should go to the hospital,” Ned told AJ once Edward had left. “I’m sure Alan will be relieved to hear that his sons are working together.”

“Yeah.” AJ nodded, took a deep breath. “Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.”

Friday, May 17, 2002

Kelly’s: Diner

Elizabeth flashed a smile at AJ and Courtney as they left for the night, and she turned down their protest about leaving her there.  She’d be fine. Jason had promised to pick her up around midnight and that was only a half hour away.

She could clean up and total the night’s receipts, then drop them at the night deposit box on their way…wherever. In the few days since their relationship had changed, they’d spent three of the four nights at Jake’s and just one at her apartment. Possibility because of the proximity to Taggart, who lived a floor above them, but she knew Jason still wasn’t sold on Gia, but time would change that.

Gia had a way of growing on you like a fungus.

“Your boyfriend late?”

Elizabeth snapped her head up at the sound of Lucky’s irritated voice. Why was he still doing this? “Lucky—”

“I know, I know. I’m supposed to use the back entrance,” he muttered, emerging from the shadows by the stairs. The diner was dim—she’d left two of three switches flipped off and now she wished she’d left it blazing.

Not that Lucky would hurt her.

She would just feel better.

“You never gave a damn before he came back.”

Elizabeth sighed and set the receipts down. She was tired of this. Tired of feeling guilty. Of feeling like somehow…she was at fault.

“Why are we still doing this?” she asked. “It’s been four months—”

“It was always him.” Lucky gestured towards the empty doorway as if Jason stood there. “Always, wasn’t it? You didn’t give a damn about me when I came home. If you had—”

“What would have been different?” she demanded. “You weren’t the same boy. I wasn’t the same girl. We both changed—”

“I was brainwashed, kept captive!” He pressed a hand to his chest, his nostrils flaring, his eyes bulging. “Locked up. You moved on with the first guy who looked at you twice—”

Her eyes burned as she stood up. “That is not true, and you damn well know it. I nearly drowned myself in grief for you. I couldn’t get out of bed some days—” Elizabeth closed her eyes, forced back the angry words. “I’m sorry, Lucky. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through. How hard it must be. But I’m done apologizing.”

“How do you think it makes me feel to know I was nothing more than obligation or pity?” he demanded, taking a step towards her. “Knowing that every minute you were with me, you wanted to be with him—”

“Not every moment,” she murmured. She exhaled slowly. “It wasn’t like that, Lucky—”

“Then what was it like?” He spread his hands out at his side. “You stayed with me. You got engaged to me. But you wanted him.”

How could she ever explain how twisted it all had been last year? How she had struggled knowing she wasn’t in love with Lucky anymore, the guilt of not living up the promises she’d made—

There would never be a way to make him understand. She could barely manage it herself.

“We made promises when we were too young to know any better.” Elizabeth said after a moment. “And yeah, I feel like hell knowing that I—” Her stomach rolled. “That I fell in love with someone else while you were alive somewhere, being brainwashed. If I had known you were alive, Lucky, I would have tried to find you—”

“Bullshit. Nikolas told me you couldn’t wait to get into bed with Jason. You think I believe you weren’t screwing him when he was at your studio?”

Elizabeth shook her head and turned away from him. She would get her things together and walk to the Brownstone. Jason could pick her up—

Lucky grabbed her elbow and swung her back to face him, his fingers digging into her skin. “Let me go—”

“Stop walking away from me!”

“Lucky—” Her breathing hitched. She didn’t recognize him anymore. The light in his eyes, the anger on his face. “Lucky, let me go.”

“What the hell was so wrong with me that you couldn’t love me?” he growled. “What the hell does Jason have that I don’t?”

The echoes of words she’d wondered about herself, wondered why everyone loved Sarah. Why her parents and her grandmother seemed to value Sarah more—

“You know it’s not like that. It’s not that easy.” She tried to step back, to pull her arm free, but he just tightened his grip and jerked her forward. “Lucky—”

“You were supposed to love me forever—”

“Lucky, let her go.”

They both turned to see AJ in the doorway, Courtney just behind him, her eyes wide with worry. AJ stepped over the threshold. “Let her go,” Jason’s brother repeated.

Lucky scowled, but released her with almost a shove, and Elizabeth stumbled backwards into one of the counter stools. Courtney started to push past AJ to get to her, but her husband held her back with his arm.

“Go upstairs, Lucky, and be glad it was me that walked in here and not my brother.” But AJ’s eyes hardened. “Don’t touch her again.”

Lucky blinked at him and then looked at Elizabeth, holding her arm. “I—” He shook his head. “I didn’t mean—”

“Go upstairs,” Elizabeth said flatly. “And pack. I want you out of here by the end of the week. This is your notice.”

“Yeah—” Lucky exhaled slowly. “Yeah, that’s probably—” But he stopped talking and moved towards the stairs. When they heard a door close upstairs, Courtney ducked past AJ.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Elizabeth looked down at her arm, at the angry red blotches. “You—you came back.”

“Courtney had a bad feeling,” AJ said simply. He tipped his head. “Get your stuff, we’ll drop you at the Brownstone if you want.”

“I—” She started to tell him no, that she would wait for Jason. But the words wouldn’t come out.

What would Lucky have done if AJ and Courtney hadn’t come back? If— She swallowed a sob that bubbled up her throat.

“Elizabeth?” Courtney asked softly. She started tucking the paperwork back in a file. “Call Jason. Tell him you’ll be at the Brownstone—”

“I—” She closed her eyes.

“What’s going on?”

Over AJ’s shoulder, Jason stood there, his eyes scanning the diner, taking in his brother and his wife—and looking at her. Standing with her arm clutched against her chest.

AJ stepped aside as Jason moved forward. “Elizabeth?”

“I—” Elizabeth couldn’t speak as he reached her and gently took her arm in his. She winced as his fingers brushed the finger marks. “I was—I was waiting for you.” But she couldn’t make herself go on.

“I left her here to wait for you,” AJ admitted as Courtney silently tucked Elizabeth’s things in the tote bag. “But Courtney—and I—we just didn’t feel good about it. We came back, and Lucky Spencer had her by the arm—”

Jason pressed his lips together and looked down for a long moment. He was standing so close to her that she could feel the way his muscles tensed, the anger seeping through. “Are you okay?” he managed, somehow his voice sounding tender. Concerned.

But she could see the anger in his eyes. “Yeah. It’s—” She swallowed the excuse that she’d been okay, that she hadn’t been in any danger, but she couldn’t manage that lie.

She’d lied enough for Lucky.

“Thank you,” she told AJ. “For coming back. I—I want to say I would have been okay. I just—I don’t know.” She looked at Jason. “I evicted Lucky. I told him to get out. I had to give him a week legally, but—”

“He’ll be gone tomorrow,” AJ said with a steel note in his tone she hadn’t heard before. “I’ll make sure of it.”

“You—” Jason looked at him. “What?”

“If you go near him the way you look right now, Jase, Elizabeth will be bailing you out of jail. I’ll make sure he goes.”

Elizabeth squinted at Jason’s brother—because for the first time, she could see a resemblance between them. And understood that the ruthlessness she knew Jason was capable of…he’d come by it naturally. “I don’t want you to fight with Lucky.”

When Jason just shook his head, she touched his chest with her fingertips. “It’s not like before. I just—AJ’s right. I don’t want you to get into trouble because of him. It’s not worth it. I want him gone. That’s it.” She sighed, exhausted. “I’m done apologizing, feeling bad for what I did. He stepped over a line tonight, and I’m just…I’m done.”

“Okay,” Jason said finally. He looked at his brother. “If you could…do whatever you could to encourage him to be gone tomorrow, I would…appreciate it. But if he’s not—” He looked at Elizabeth. “If he doesn’t go—”

“Then you can do whatever you want,” Elizabeth agreed. “Can…we just go? I want to go.”

“You need anything else done?” Courtney asked as she handed Elizabeth her tote and purse. “Washed? Locked?”

“No, I just have to put the chairs on the table—”

“We’ll do it,” AJ said, stepping forward, sliding an arm around Courtney’s waist. “We’ll lock up.”

And Elizabeth was too tired to care. “Can we go?” she repeated to Jason. “Please.”

“Yeah.” He looked at AJ. “Thank you.” When AJ just shrugged, Jason shook his head. “No, I mean it. Thank you for coming back. If it had been me who walked in—”

They would all be revisiting the summer of Dead Ted, Elizabeth thought, trying to find a way to dispose of Lucky’s remains. And she wondered it said about her that she probably wouldn’t have cared much.

Elizabeth & Gia’s Apartment: Living Room

“Gia is staying with her mother in Buffalo,” Elizabeth told Jason as she unlocked the door. “She didn’t really get to see her much during the last year, so when she finished her finals—” And she was babbling.

Jason nodded and followed her in. He stripped off his leather jacket and tossed it over the back of the sofa. When she switched on a lamp and took off her own jacket, he reached for her arm again.

The marks weren’t disappearing—and were in fact, darkening. “You’re going to bruise.”

“Yeah.” Elizabeth looked at the marks. “He’s angry because I moved on while he was being brainwashed. Apparently, I was supposed to be a psychic and know he was still alive,” She stepped away from him, running her hands up and down her arms, trying to chase the chill from her skin. She walked towards the window.

From here, they could just see the dim waters of the lake and several of the piers, including Jason and Sonny’s coffee warehouse.

“Don’t make excuses for him—”

“I—” She blinked at his irritated words. “I’m not. I’m…pissed at him. At myself. I didn’t know he was alive, Jason. I can’t be held responsible for not knowing that. There was a body. And I—I did my time. I grieved for him. You know that. He just—” Elizabeth bit her lip and looked back at the window.

“I don’t know. He didn’t come back. Not all the way. Even with the brainwashing broken, there’s nothing left of the boy I promised to love forever. My Lucky never would have touched me. Hurt me.” A tear slid down her cheek. “I nearly killed myself grieving that sweet boy. And then this angry stranger comes back with his face and what…I’m supposed to worship him forever because I used to love the boy?”

She shook her head. “To hell with that. I mourned. And I grieved. And I picked myself back up. If he hadn’t come back, if he’d stayed dead, I would have moved on.”

She turned to look at him, but his expression was shuttered. “I kept looking for that boy, Jason, because he was the first person to love me for me. And I guess…it was hard to walk away from that. But that boy is dead. And he never came home.”

She met his eyes. “He thinks you and I were together already. That winter at the studio. He’s angry with me because he thinks I spent two years lying to him about you. And then for me…to walk away from him at New Year’s and now…to be here with you, it’s a betrayal to him. And I just—I don’t understand it. I can’t…” She looked away, because Jason was remaining silent. “He’s not wrong. I did spend two years lying to him. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“You stopped.”

“I stayed almost another year drowning in misery. I nearly married him.” She tilted her head back, looking at the ceiling. “I don’t know. I’m sorry. I’m doing it again. And you’re probably wondering why the hell you’re even bothering—”

“Hey—” Jason reached out to take her hand and drew her to him. “I remember Lucky before the fire. I remember you and Lucky. I know what you meant to him, Elizabeth. I could see it. You were both young, but anyone who looked at the two of you could feel it.” He used his thumbs to wipe her tears as they slid down her cheeks.

“And I saw you the night you lost him. And in all the months that followed. I know what it did to you. When he came home, how could you have done anything else but try again?”

“I should have stopped—”

“I know what it’s like to stay with a person long past the time you’re any good for one another,” he said gently. “Robin and I did that. She was my first friend. The first person who gave a damn about Jason Morgan. She taught me what it meant to be in love. But it changed. We were different people, going different directions. And we kept trying. And at the end, I think we almost hated each other.”

Elizabeth managed a shuddering breath. “He was my best friend. And we killed any chance of having that again. And I hate it. I hate that I couldn’t see it. We nearly destroyed each other, and I’m trying to walk away from that. He’s stuck in it, and I think that anger is going to eat at him until it explodes. I—” Her breath hitched. “He scared me tonight. And it’s just…I think—”

She leaned forward, pressed her forehead to his chest. “I think I’m grieving all over again. For what we had. For who he was.”

She felt his lips press against the top of her hair. “I’m sorry. I wish…” he trailed off. “I don’t know. I’m just sorry.”

“Me, too.” Elizabeth drew back and managed a shaky smile. “Let’s…let’s talk about something else.”

“Okay.” Jason followed as she led him to the sofa where he sat down, and she curled up next to him. “AJ…actually came by the warehouse earlier today.”

“Yeah?”

“He signed the contract—the custody agreement.” Jason watched as she traced a pattern on his palm. “He, uh, asked me…to go to…”

“His chip ceremony,” Elizabeth said when Jason trailed off. “Courtney said he wanted to ask you. One year sober. She’s really proud of him.”

“Yeah. I guess. He said he’s never made it that far before.” Jason hesitated. “I don’t know. He said he was inviting some of the Quartermaines, and I just—”

“I know all the reasons you walked away from them,” Elizabeth said slowly. “But it’s good that AJ is trying to work them back into his life. They’re his triggers, aren’t they?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess—”

“He can’t walk from them forever, so it’s good he’s figuring out how to bring them back in.” She bit her lip. “You should go.”

Jason looked away, squinting his eyes. “I don’t know. We’re in a better place, I guess. For now. But—” He shrugged. “I don’t know. He still sees us as brothers, but—”

“Maybe you’ll never get there again,” Elizabeth murmured. “But you both love Michael. And…” She hesitated. “I know it would mean a lot to him for you to be there. But that’s all I’m going to say. He invited me, too.”

He looked back at her. “He was there for you tonight,” Jason said after a moment. “And he’s been honest with me about his addiction. I know…he still blames himself for the accident. For…I guess killing Jason Quartermaine.”

“His brother loved him,” Elizabeth murmured. “And he knows he’s the reason that’s not true anymore. It’s probably one of the worst triggers. I’m—I’m not trying to pressure you—”

“But it would be good for him if he could put the accident behind him,” Jason finished. “And if I…went…I guess that would help.” He rubbed his temple for a moment. “I don’t blame him. Not…the way I used to. I still…worry that he might drink and drive again. But…I don’t remember the life I had. And I like the one I have now.” He brushed a kiss against her mouth. “So…I’ll go.”

“Who knows?” Elizabeth managed a light smile. “You might end up liking him.”

“Don’t—That’s not funny—”

Their lighthearted banter was shattered as the sky lit up with orange and red and an earth-shaking BOOM shattered the windows that looked out towards the harbor.

Jason pushed Elizabeth to the ground, and reached behind him to draw out the gun he always kept there. Motioning for Elizabeth to stay down, he crept towards the window.

The roar of flames, the smell of sulfur permeated the air. “Jason—”

Jason looked out the window and then his shoulders slumped. “It’s okay—I mean—it’s not. But it’s not here. It’s…”

A few blocks away, the warehouse and some of the surrounding areas were engulfed in flames.

“It’s down at the pier,” he murmured. “The warehouse just blew up.”

“What—” Elizabeth jumped to her feet and joined him, stepping gingerly around the glass. “That’s what that was? I’ve never heard—”

“Maybe it was a gas line,” Jason murmured, as he wrapped an arm around her waist and drew her close. He didn’t believe it.

He knew that sound, and Elizabeth might have been familiar with it, too. If her studio had exploded the night the bomb had been planted.

I can’t really tell you
What I’m gonna do
There are so many thoughts in my head
There are two roads to walk down
And one road to choose
So I’m thinking over
The things that you’ve said
– Thinking Over, Dana Glover

---

Monday, May 6, 2002

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

Nico leaned back on the sofa, sipping his bourbon. “I know it goes against tradition,” he told Sonny as the other man lounged in the arm chair. “But I figured if I set Smith up in Miami, he’d be more likely to get out of town and stay out of trouble.”

Sonny nodded and glanced at Benny. “You talk to Hector?”

“I did,” Benny said with a nod. “It checks out.”

Nico hissed, sitting up. “You think I was lying?”

Sonny shrugged. “You were pushing Zander pretty hard, and you were angry when I shut down his promotion.”

“Angry at the little shit,” Nico bit out. “He ruined everything. Now I gotta groom another bastard to take over. I don’t belong here, Sonny. I belong in Vegas. I belong in the big-time.” And if Sonny didn’t trust him, damn it, how was he going to get out from under him?

“I’m sure that’s true,” Sonny said evenly. He set the tumbler of bourbon on the coffee table and took a cigar from his pocket, offering it to Nico, who shook his head. “You never made a grab for this job, though. I wonder.”

“I want the money,” Nico retorted. “Not the power. I can make all the money I want in Vegas. Casinos are a cleaner way to make money, and I can run more bookies out of them—” He shook his head. “You get shot at too much.”

“He’s not wrong, Boss,” Benny said with a half-smile.

“I told Smith to stay away from Morgan’s property,” Nico said. “I told him to stop fucking with Morgan. But the kid is a hothead. I didn’t know how much he hated Morgan. Probably for the best that Morgan’s home, so I could see what a little bastard the shit turned out to be. Saved me from making a huge mistake.”

Fuck that, he’d been counting on Zander’s temper to get him killed when the bad numbers were caught. He’d had the perfect fall guy, but the very thing that had made him so right for the job had made him a catastrophe waiting to happen. Damn that bitch Carly for driving off a cliff and forcing Jason home.

“It’s not personal, Nico,” Sonny said. “The kind of power you were pushing at him—” He sighed. “I mean, maybe I should have made it clear when you came on board that I kept Zander working for me because I wanted him where I could see him, but I never had any intention of moving him up. He’s only loyal to himself.”

And that’s what made Sonny soft. Thinking anyone had more loyalty to Corinthos than they had to himself. Nico would wager even Jason Morgan had his limits when it came to blind obedience. Not that anyone had discovered that particular off switch—even Corinthos fucking Jason’s woman years ago hadn’t been more than a blip.

But Sonny was living in the stone age. No one valued the organization above themselves. Not anymore. And Nico was ready for a change.

He’d play along as long as Sonny needed him to, but once he was in Vegas, he’d make his move and be free of the bastard for good.

Alexis’s Office

“Thanks for meeting with me,” Jason said as he took a seat across from Alexis the following afternoon. “I know I didn’t have an appointment—”

Alexis held up her hand to stall him. “Hey. I’m on retainer.” She cleared her throat. “I actually expected to hear from you sooner. After I found out about Edward and his visits.”

Jason hesitated, tilting his head. “Who told—” He sighed. “Ned.”

“Yeah. He mentioned it. AJ stormed over a few days ago, angry at Edward. Lila talked them both down, but I can imagine how angry you are. Ned called to give me a heads up.” She tapped a pencil against her desk. “You have a pretty solid case against the school, and you might convince a court that Edward isn’t good for—”

“I don’t want to go to court,” Jason cut in. He swallowed, knowing he was breaking every promise he’d ever made to Carly.

But she was gone now, and he had to deal with the situation as it stood now.

“I know my chances would be slim, and I don’t want to drag Michael through something when I don’t—” He paused again. “When I don’t even believe in what I’m fighting for.”

He looked past her, at the window that held a view of downtown Port Charles. “You know, in the beginning…I lied because the Quartermaines would have taken Michael from Carly. They had the clout, the power. She was nobody to them. And I didn’t—no, I know AJ would have let them control Michael’s life. To prove himself, to get their acceptance.”

He didn’t remember being Jason Quartermaine, but something in AJ’s words about their shared childhood had rang true. And he’d seen the pressure they exerted first hand.

“I don’t want to go to court,” Jason repeated. “But I don’t want AJ to have sole custody. Not yet, anyway. I’m not sure—I’m not convinced—” He dipped his head.

“There are things we can offer,” Alexis said. “We can suggest visitation at first, so Michael can adjust. He doesn’t remember the year he spent with AJ, I imagine. But he knows Courtney, which should help.”

Jason rubbed the back of his neck. “Can we…. try supervised at first? I mean, it doesn’t have to be me. I trust Bobbie, Elizabeth, or I guess, Courtney. I don’t know her well, but Elizabeth does—”

“We can ask. I’m sure it’ll help Michael become more comfortable with AJ.” She was quiet for a moment. “I know how difficult this is for you, with Carly just…with everything happening so suddenly. It’s been less than a month since she died. Everything’s changing so fast.”

“I just want to do what’s best for Michael,” Jason said firmly. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted. Dragging him into court—that’s not best. I could…I mean, hypothetically,” he said when he saw Alexis’s brows lift. “I could talk to people. Give some money. But one day, Michael—” He shook his head. “Michael will grow up, and I’d have to answer for it.”

“I’ll draft an agreement. I don’t know who AJ is using for representation, but I’ll ask Ned if he knows.” Alexis leaned forward. “When that day comes, Jason, you won’t have anything to be ashamed of.”

Kelly’s: Dining Room

“He’s meeting with Alexis today?” Courtney asked, dumping the remnants from a table into her tub of dirty dishes. It was finally closing time and she just wanted to finish this shift, go home, and soak her aching feet in a hot bath.

“Isn’t that, like, the opposite of keeping things out of court?” Gia interrupted before Elizabeth could open her mouth. “Why involve lawyers at all?”

“Gia, don’t help,” Elizabeth retorted as she tossed aside a pile of receipts and frowned at the ledgers. “Son of a bitch.”

“I imagine he’s talking to Alexis about drawing up a legal agreement that protects them all. It’s an out of court settlement.” Courtney shrugged. “I doubt AJ will care as long as it gets him Michael.” And then what?

“Jason didn’t really say anything about the specifics…” Elizabeth trailed off, muttering under her breath. She flipped back to the preceding page. “God damn it.”

“You know,” Gia said, ignoring their friend who had surely forgot to carry a number in the ledger and would spend fifteen minutes swearing at the inanimate objects, “she didn’t come home last night.”

“Really?” Courtney moved through the archway into the kitchen and dumping the dishes into the sink. She wrinkled her nose. “Hey, why did we decide to let the kitchen staff go early?”

“Because I’m going to do the dishes,” Elizabeth called back to her. “Jason isn’t picking me up for another hour, and…” She sighed.

Courtney emerged from the kitchen in time to see the brunette slam the books shut. “Hey, now that you’re sleeping with him, maybe he should take over the books.”

“I can do this,” Elizabeth insisted. “I’m majoring in business, so I can take care of this place better. I just…” She huffed. “I don’t know how we go through so damn many cartons of eggs—”

“I need to get more exciting friends,” Gia decided. “We should be out a club, but nope. We’re balancing books in a greasy diner.” She sighed. “I was fun once.”

“And a blackmailer, but let’s not quibble,” Elizabeth mused as she dug through the invoices, probably looking for the receipt for the stupid eggs.

“Fair point.” Gia propped her chin up on her hands across the table from Elizabeth. “So was the sex good?”

Courtney snickered as she dumped the last bit of coffee into the sink and put the carafes into another tub. “She was twenty minutes late for her shift this afternoon.”

“I had to go home and get clothes,” Elizabeth said with a delicate sniff. “I don’t kiss and tell.”

“Ha, that’s because there was nothing to kiss and tell about,” Gia said with a snort. “Before, no one gave a damn about your sad sex life.  It was nonexistent. Now…” She wiggled her eyebrows. “He has long fingers, you know.”

“I hate you all so much,” Elizabeth muttered.

“It was probably really bad,” Courtney said in a mock whisper. “You know, high expectations—she was probably rusty—”

“That’s not going to work,” Elizabeth replied. “You’re not going to break me.”

“He looks like he’d know what do with those hands,” Gia sighed. She perked up. “The sex is good with AJ, isn’t it?”

Courtney just raised her eyebrows. “What, you think because they’re brothers there’s some of relation there?”

“Why not—”

“Did Lucky and Nikolas have anything in common?” Courtney challenged slyly. Take that.

Gia frowned, closing her mouth and then looking at Elizabeth who looked back at her. “Huh. Never thought about it.” She pursed her lips. “I’ll tell you…he wasn’t very generous, if you know what I mean. Not much build up, and you know, if he was done first…” She lifted a shoulder. “He’d just roll over and go to sleep.”

Elizabeth opened her mouth, and then bit her lip. “I don’t think we should—”

“Oh, by all means, Elizabeth,” came a drawling and mocking voice from the staircase. The three women looked over to find Lucky standing at the foot, one arm braced against the railing. “Tell them how I stack up against your new fuck buddy.”

“Oh, here we go.” Gia rolled her eyes. “Look, pal—”

But Elizabeth held up her hand to cut off her friend. Courtney glanced between Lucky and Elizabeth, uncertainly. She had seen the blowout arguments after the wedding had been called off—Nikolas had had to physically restrain Lucky from going after Elizabeth the day she’d moved out.

Not that anyone thought Lucky would hurt Elizabeth, but he’d been so angry…

“What happened between us,” Elizabeth said coolly, “is no one’s business. Like my life now is no one’s business.” She sent Gia a hot look. “Right?”

“Right. I’m sure Lucky is a dynamo in the sack.”

Elizabeth rose to her feet. “I don’t appreciate you eavesdropping, Lucky. There’s a private entrance to the rooms upstairs after hours. You’re not supposed to use the restaurant or come here after closing.”

“You only have this job because of me!” Lucky shot back as he released the railing and strode into the dining room proper. “Don’t forget that my aunt gave you this job because she felt sorry for you.”

“Hey, let’s just finish closing,” Courtney said with a weak smile. “We’re all tired, I’m sure Lucky had a long day—”

“No one asked you,” Lucky retorted, with searing glance in her direction. “You’re just Elizabeth’s latest project. Take it from someone who knows—she’ll move on to someone more pathetic.”

“Is that what this is about?” Elizabeth demanded. “You’re mad because I moved on—”

“You know what this is about,” Lucky retorted. He took another step towards her, and the anger in his eyes had Courtney slipping her cell phone from her apron and opening it to AJ’s contact information. Just in case.

“I really don’t. We’ve been over for months.” Elizabeth crossed her arms. “And you damn well know we’ve been over for longer than that. You’re just pissed because I walked away first.”

“Actually,” Gia drawled, “it sounds like Sparky is pissed because you took so long to walk away.” She walked towards Lucky, putting herself in between him and Elizabeth. “Seems like he’s finally woken up to what we’ve all known for ages. You stayed with him out of pity—”

“Gia, that’s not what happened—”

“Gia,” Courtney protested. While she loved Gia, the woman had a penchant for stirring up trouble just to see what would happen. “Come on—”

“No, that’s exactly what happened.” Lucky eyed Gia with a mixture of relief and bitterness. “She saw it. My brother did. My parents. Aunt Bobbie. Everyone but me. You were fucking Jason back then—”

“I wasn’t—”

“You wanted to,” Lucky cut in.

And Elizabeth closed her mouth at that, her cheeks flushing.  “That’s not how it happened, Lucky—”

“And now you’re shoving him in my face again—”

“No different from you screwing her sister,” Gia said calmly, causing all eyes in the room to look at her. “You think I haven’t seen you two here? Around town? You’re sleeping with her sister and still giving Elizabeth grief. She did you a favor, Jackass, by walking out of that wedding. You’re just too dumb to admit it.”

Lucky scowled. “Whatever. You can all go to hell.” He brushed past Gia and stormed into the courtyard. Gia walked over and firmly locked the door behind him.

“You didn’t have to make it worse,” Elizabeth said, but her words were weak. She sat down. “He’s right to be angry. I’m still angry at the mess I made—”

“Hey, no one forced him to stay.” Gia looked at Courtney with her brow raised. “You can put your phone away.”

Courtney flushed. “I just…AJ’s finishing up his shift, you know? He was only a few minutes away. I thought…if it was like that day you moved out, Elizabeth—”

“I appreciate it.” Elizabeth bit her lip. “I guess I should be grateful it doesn’t happen more with me working here and him upstairs.”

Courtney shoved her phone in her apron pocket and rounded the table. “All the same, I think—maybe we should stay here until Jason picks you up.”

“Lucky isn’t going to hit me.” Elizabeth reached for her invoices. “That’s not who he is. He’s just…he’s angry at how his life turned out.”

“And he’s too weak to do anything to change it.” Gia lifted his chin. “I don’t blame him for being pissed. I was pissed when I realized what Nikolas was going to do to you. What he would let his brother do. You were pissed when you figured it out. But we didn’t sit around waiting for someone to change it. We got gone. It’s his own damn fault he’s wallowing in his own misery. He wants someone to blame, Elizabeth. Stop letting it be you.”

“I’m not innocent in all of this,” Elizabeth insisted.

“Last year, no. You were cruel to stay with him when your heart wasn’t in it,” Gia said coldly. Courtney gasped, but the other woman continued. “And you knew it, too. You knew it was different, but you lied to him and yourself—”

“Gia—”

“And the sooner you forgive yourself, the sooner you’ll stop letting him walk all over you when he takes his bullshit out on you. You were wrong last year,” Gia stressed, “but you made it right. Maybe it was later than it should have been, but you got yourself together and out of that mess. He’s just pissed because he didn’t do it first.”

“You don’t have to be so mean,” Courtney protested, but Elizabeth held up a hand.

“No, this is—” She took a deep breath. “This is exactly why we’re friends now. It’s nothing less than what she told me at New Year’s, Courtney. I knew it was true then, but I didn’t want it to be. I need someone who won’t lie to me. Even if it sounds harsh.”

“You worked hard for this new life,” Gia said, sympathy replacing the anger. “You deserve this chance with Jason. But it’s never gonna work if you can’t let go of what happened before.”

“I’m working on it. I promise.”

Kelly’s: Courtyard

Jason stepped into the courtyard and paused when he saw AJ leaned against the doorway, a cigarette in his hand. He lifted his brow. “When did you start to smoke?”

AJ offered a half-smile. “When I needed a way to deal with stress. This—” He held up the cigarette. “It might cause cancer, but it’s a hell of a lot less dangerous than alcohol.”

Jason nodded and started towards the double doors but paused when he caught a glimpse of the women inside. Some sort of music was filtering out, and he could see Elizabeth and Courtney dancing and singing to each other while Courtney filled the sugar canisters at the counter and Elizabeth mopped. Gia was nursing some sort of drink at the counter, a grin stretched across her lips.

“I thought they’d be done by now,” Jason said after a moment.

“They do this sometimes,” AJ replied. He flicked his ashes at the ground. “Listen. Courtney told me that she and Elizabeth—that they were fighting about all of this. I don’t…” He looked away and shifted, standing straight up. “I want my son. I want a chance to do right by him, but Courtney’s my wife. And her happiness matters, too. Elizabeth—their friendship matters—”

“I know.” Jason exhaled slowly. “And I know how much Courtney matters to Elizabeth. I don’t want either of them in the middle.”

“I wanted to keep the peace,” AJ admitted. “I thought if I asked Courtney to talk to Elizabeth—it would keep us all from arguing, but I was wrong.” He met Jason’s eyes. “It’s tempting to let someone do the dirty work. To take the risks. It’s a weakness to avoid confrontation, and I’m working on it.”

He didn’t want to respect AJ Quartermaine. He wanted to remember all the horrible things AJ had done, but at the moment, Jason couldn’t seem to make any of them worse than what Jason had done. Or what Sonny had done. Or Carly. No one was innocent.

He approached the window a bit closer and watched Elizabeth with her friends for a moment. She might want to think she was damaged from everything had happened over the last few years, but the way she danced and laughed with Courtney and Gia—she was so happy in there. With those women. With her friends.

He didn’t want to be the reason Elizabeth was unhappy.

“I don’t want to argue with you,” Jason said, finally. “I know what my chances are in court. I know if I dragged Michael through it all, I’d probably lose. I know that.” He turned and faced his brother. “That doesn’t change the reason I would do it.”

“To protect him.” AJ nodded. “Yeah. I know. And I wish to God I could give you guarantees, but I’d be lying. I’d be making promises I don’t know if I could keep. I can’t promise to never take another drink. I’m always gonna be an alcoholic.”

He dropped the butt of his cigarette and ground it with the heel of his work boot. “And I won’t lie and say that sometimes I miss it—the way everything falls away, the way my problems disappear. Living like that—in a constant haze—” He swallowed hard. “It makes some things easier. I don’t have to care about how much I disappoint people.”

“Listen—” Jason shifted, uncomfortable with how direct the older man was being, how vulnerable he was making himself.

“I have to be honest about why I drank the way I did,” AJ said, holding up a hand. “Because if I don’t recognize the triggers, I’ll never be able to avoid them. Some people drink just to make their problems go away for a few hours. Alcoholics drink to keep them away. But they never leave. I don’t want to ruin Michael’s life the way I nearly ruined mine.”

“Look.” And because if nothing else, Jason respected honesty, he said, “I believe you. I’ve seen you since I’ve been home. And I trust Elizabeth. I’ve met your wife. I know you’re trying. I know you’re sober. You don’t have to keep—” He shrugged. “You don’t have to keep telling me this, okay? It’s not just—I made Carly a promise,” he admitted. “She was selfish to ask for it, and I was wrong to do it, but I promised her—”

“Yeah. Well…” AJ rubbed the back of his neck. “She’s not here anymore. I wish she was. I never wanted her out of the picture. I just…I wanted to be in it.”

The door opened then, and the music poured a bit more clearly as a flushed and slightly apprehensive Courtney stood in the door way. “Um. Hey. We—we just noticed you.” Her blue eyes flicked back and forth between them. “So, um, what’s up?”

“Everything is fine,” AJ said leaning over to kiss wife’s cheek. “Jason and I were just enjoying the show.”

“Oh.” Her flush deepened. “Um. You—” She pursed her lips and whacked his shoulder. “You’re kind of a jackass sometimes.” She looked back inside. “Hey, are we done?”

“You are,” Gia said as she joined Courtney at the door. She handed the blonde her purse, her own under her arm. She eyed Jason for a long moment, a cool look in her eyes. “I know we don’t have to talk about what I’ll do to you if you mess with her. I’ll break you into little pieces.”

Jason merely raised an eyebrow at this threat, but said nothing. While Elizabeth seemed to like Gia now, he was still reserving judgment. He remembered the other woman as an opportunist and wasn’t entirely convinced by the turnaround.

Gia followed AJ and Courtney out of the courtyard while Jason went into the diner to find Elizabeth sighing over ledgers and invoices as she packed them away in her bag. “You use a calculator, don’t you?”

“I do,” Elizabeth said with a scowl as she shoved the last folder of invoices in the bag. “Which is why I can’t understand why I screw it up so much.” She wiggled her shoulders and leaned up to kiss him. “I thought you’d never get here.”

“I got hung up at the warehouse.” He cupped her jaw in his hands and kissed her again, slowly this time. “What’s wrong?”

Elizabeth sighed and rested her forehead against his chest after he’d let his hands fall down to her shoulders. “You know, I used to think it was great how well you knew my moods. Now it’s a pain in the ass.”

“You don’t have to tell me—”

“No, I just—” She glanced at the stairs. “Can we just go? I want to get out of here.”

“Okay.” Jason reached for the tote bag with the ledgers. “You want to go to Jake’s?”

They paused at the threshold of the diner as Elizabeth turned off the lights and locked the doors. “Eventually, but can we go for a ride first?” She looked at him. “I don’t want to think about anything for a little while.”

Vista Point

Elizabeth sat on the bench overlooking the harbor and eyed Jason for a long moment, wondering if she should tell him about the fight with Lucky earlier.

She hated that Lucky was still a factor in her life—she didn’t want him to be a part of this new experience—this step she’d taken with Jason.

But while she didn’t think Lucky would actually hurt her, she had been relieved Courtney and Gia had hung around as long as they did, and that Courtney had asked AJ to come pick her up in case Jason was late.

“I think I’ve made it clear that the wedding—” Elizabeth bit her lip and looked down at her fingers. “When Lucky and I broke up, it was bad. Really bad.” She peeked up at him.

Jason had turned away from the guard rail, leaning against it, but he remained quiet.

She sighed and continued. “I’m not sure—I think maybe he thought he could convince me to forgive him, to go back. I guess he had reason to think that—I mean, I always had before.” She bit her lip. “But I was done this time. I’m angry at myself for letting it continue so long, you know? I mean, I knew…”

Elizabeth shoved herself to her feet. “I knew what you said last year was true, but I wasn’t—I don’t know. I couldn’t face it. I didn’t think I was strong enough to be alone. But I was standing there that day, staring at myself in the mirror, in this wedding dress, and I knew—I knew even before Gia came in to tell me the truth—I knew I couldn’t do it.”

“Okay,” Jason said when she was quiet for a moment. “So, what happened after you walked out? Sonny—he just told me the wedding was called off. He never said—”

“I knew if I was going to make it stick, if I was going to respect myself, I had to make a clean break,” Elizabeth continued. “Gia was so angry at Nikolas and they were already on the rocks because of the stupid plan—” She shook her head. “Bobbie was pissed, too. At Luke and Laura because they wanted me to change my mind. They thought—this latest brainwashing—that I could fix it. That I was the key to bringing their son back to him, and I was…I was just staying with her at first, and Bobbie eventually had to throw them both out of the house. She stood up for me.” Elizabeth closed her eyes. “And I know it cost her.  But she told me I had to do what was right for me and to hell with everyone else.”

She folded her arms across her chest and joined him at the rail, looking towards the water. “So, Gia and I decided to rent the other apartment, and Taggert said he’d make sure to keep Lucky out.” She saw Jason scowl slightly next to her and managed a weak smile. “Taggert was pissed about what we’d put Gia through, but you know, he’s always had a soft spot for me. I hate the way he treats you, but—”

“Yeah, I get it.” Jason shook his head. “Did Taggert need to keep Lucky out?”

“When I moved my stuff from Kelly’s—” She closed her eyes, remembering that. “We were in the hallway, and I had my bag with me. Nikolas was there—he was trying to talk to Gia, to me. She’d given him back the ring, and I’d given him mine to give to Lucky—when Lucky showed up. And he just…he lost it when he saw me with my stuff. Without the ring.”

A muscle ticked in Jason’s cheek. “Did he—”

“He didn’t. I don’t know if he would have. Once, I would have said he’d have thrown himself off a cliff before hurting me or any other woman. Before. You knew him then.”

“Elizabeth—”

“I think one of the hardest things I’ve had to accept these last few months is that…that Lucky…my Lucky…” Her eyes burned, but she held the tears back. She’d shed too many tears for Lucky Spencer. “He died that night, and he never came back. I wasn’t in love with the man who returned, and he wasn’t in love with the woman I grew up to be. And we hurt the hell of out of each other pretending otherwise. The man he is today? I don’t recognize him. And that man…” She bit her lip. “He might be capable of hurting me.”

She cleared her throat. “Anyway. After that day, he came to the Brownstone a few times early on, but Taggert and Bobbie kept him away from me, and he started to avoid Kelly’s altogether once I took over managing it in February.”

“Okay,” Jason said slowly. “Then what changed tonight?”

“He came down after closing. He’s not supposed to—Bobbie made it clear to the tenants that they should use the private entrance as often as possible, but well…Lucky thinks he’s exempt.” She sighed again, sick and tired of thinking about Lucky.  “He found out we’re…” Elizabeth glanced up at him. “That we’re seeing each other. And he’s angry at me. He’s angry because I moved on, and especially that I moved on with you. Gia thinks he’s more pissed at himself for not walking away first, at me for taking so long, for staying with him when I didn’t love him. It’s all bad, and it just…. I can put it out my head most of the time, but every once in a while…” She lifted a shoulder. “It sneaks back up on me.”

“Elizabeth—”

“It’s not just the fight with Lucky,” Elizabeth cut him off. “Yeah, it worries me that he’s still angry. Because I don’t know what he’ll do. But it’s me. I haven’t…I haven’t really forgiven myself for what happened. For what I did to him—”

“You didn’t—”

“I did,” She interrupted again. “I stayed with him when I knew I didn’t love him. And I did it out of obligation. God, Jason—” She closed her eyes. “Last spring, I wanted to go with you. I wanted to run after you. I nearly did. And I thought about finding you a thousand times, begging you to forgive me—”

“Hey—”

“And every time I did that—every time I wished I were anywhere else with, with you—and I stayed with Lucky—I was lying to him. To myself. And it was wrong. And it was weak.”

“Okay.” Jason nodded after a moment. “Okay, yeah, I get that.” He tilted his head. “But you’re done with that.”

“I am. But I don’t trust myself all the time,” she admitted. “When I came to your room last night—I was going to walk away. Because it would be easier to do that than to take a chance on myself again.”

He reached for her hand and took it in his, letting his thumb rest in her palm. “But you didn’t.”

“Because I’m tired of taking the easy out,” Elizabeth said, raising her eyes to his. “Every time I kept my mouth shut and didn’t tell you how I felt. Every time you nearly kissed me, and I didn’t let you—even though it was the only thing I could think about. When I let you walk away last year. When I tried to push you away when you came home. I’ve spent most of my life being afraid. Letting fear rule my life—” She shook her head. “I’m not going to do that anymore. I can’t. I have to—” She swallowed hard. “But I’m not sure I know how to stop. I might still—I might still do it. Sometimes. I wasn’t going to tell you about the fight with Lucky.”

“Because you don’t want to talk about Lucky anymore,” Jason said. “Because of everything that happened before—” He touched her chin. “He was a part of your life, Elizabeth. Good, bad—he helped shape who you are. Like Robin and Carly did for me. You never have to worry about that. Not with me.”

She felt the coolness of a tear as it slid down her cheek. His thumb caught the second one. “Jason—”

“You never—ever—” he stressed, “have to hide from me. I want you just the way you are.”

She kissed him then, this miracle of a man who had seen the worst of her, had been the victim of her cowardice and selfishness—and had still stood by her.

And for the first time in years—she began to believe she deserved the happiness she felt right now.

Their mingled breath was shallow as she drew back, letting herself slide back down his body and rest on her feet. “Let’s go,” she murmured, kissing him again. “I want to be with you. I want to feel your hands on me. “

His hands slid down from her hair, framing her jaw, his eyes—she could drown in them— “Elizabeth—”

“What did you say last night?” she asked, warmth spreading all over, her lips curling into a smile. “I think we’ve talked enough.”