I’ve been struggling with writing for the last year or so — I don’t think anyone would be surprised that the amount of actual writing I’ve done since early 2016 has been negligible. I went back to graduate school — a more demanding program than my last go around. My health has been rough, my family obligations have increased (despite not having kids of my own somehow). And I’ve just lost the creative juice. I’ve said this before, but it’s become clear to me over the last month that it’s not just the creative mojo I’ve lost, but the actual love of writing.

I don’t know what to do about that. I have the urge to write until I open up the screen. I’ll get through a few scenes (there is actual progress that’s been made with Bittersweet), but I haven’t had that breakthrough moment. When I was writing A Few Words Too Many in early 2014, I wrote that entire story in about a month. It just poured out of me. I stayed up late, I wrote several chapters a day. I wrote every day — it was a struggle to stop writing to do every day things like my actual graduate work and go out with friends. The Best Thing and All We Are came in more fits and starts, but there were days like that for both of those stories, and of course the first two seasons of Damaged–once I figured out what I was doing with that story, it just flowed in about six months.

I’ve lost that somewhere. And it breaks my heart. I don’t know where it went. I still think about unfinished works every day, I plan it in my head. I write entire scenes while I’m supposed to be driving or working. And then I sit down to actually create what I’ve been seeing, and it just falls apart on the page. Maybe I’m being too hard on my self, maybe I literally just have to force myself to write. I don’t know. I’m not giving up.

I sat down this morning to work on Damaged, Season 3, and I’m ripping it apart for the fourth time.  I’ve been having trouble with it because there are some stories in there I’m not excited about and that hasn’t helped. I’m going to spend most of today on it — apart from getting ready a short shift at work. I’m going to keep writing. I can’t promise what or when I’ll be posting new content again.

But I’ll keep trying. I have this memory of the day I wrote If I Don’t Try With You in about three hours–it has to be honestly the best three hour period of my writing career. And that just poured out of me. I think it shows in how good it is (I’m not being modest–I actually cried while writing it, I love that story so much.) I know I’m capable of this kind of writing. I just have to find it again.

I love you guys for sticking around — as always, I am here. I’ll keep trying if you’ll keep waiting.

I haven’t been around much this year at all — my apologies. This semester was a lot more difficult than I had anticipated — the three classes I thought would leave me more time than my usual five actually felt like twelve classes because I had so much reading and writing to do. Between my two graduate classes and my psychology undergraduate course, I had about 500 pages of reading every single week, plus my two jobs. And you know, my family continued to plague me.

What did not help was my laptop crapped out about a month ago–the smaller and lighter laptop with a battery that actually made it portable. I was left with a dinosaur that will be four years old in a year with a battery that gives me maybe twenty minutes before it dies (on a good day). I could no longer bring my computer to work to give me extra time.

My mother has given the semi-permanent loan of her new laptop. She only uses it for grades and lesson plans, so I will happily surrender it for those moments, but the rest of the time it sits dormant. Hopefully that will allow me to cram in more writing time at work now. I’m working on my last paper for the semester, too. Starting Wednesday, I’m free from major projects — just a small research project I’m working on that will not be dominating my time, and my two jobs get cut down to one.

Still here, still want to write. Life keeps getting in the way. Thanks for sticking. I hope to have some stuff for you really soon!

Hello! Just your usual check in to say I haven’t been doing much writing. Every time my life calms down, the universe throws something else at me. I’m still here, still trying to write something but I just don’t know when I can promise material. Please be sure to follow me on Twitter or like Crimson Glass on Facebook. I try to update more on those platforms with news. Also subscribe using the link to the right so you get emails when the website is updated.

In the meanwhile, I’ve written A LOT of stories in the last fifteen years, so I thought I’d take a moment here to recommend some for a reread.

Of my new things — what’s been written since I return to the fandom in 2014, there are the following:

Shadows – Set in 2004. After the hotel fire and the death of Zander Smith, Elizabeth struggles with her devastating guilt while Jason tries to keep Sonny and Carly from destroying the boy he loves like a son. This is a short novella, only around 20,000 words.

A Few Words Too Many – Set in Spring 2003. When Elizabeth learns the extent of Ric’s crimes, she resolves to protect her child from him at any cost, but is she prepared to pay the price? This is a full-length novel, at 114,000 words.

The Best Thing – Set in 2004. Sam died giving birth to her daughter and left custody to Jason, whom everyone believes is the father. He and Elizabeth reconnect over the next year as he struggles to keep his promise to Sam while balancing his loyalties to Sonny and Carly. Even as they fall in love, a dangerous power struggle is building that threatens every one in its path. Extremely full-length at 157,000+ words.

All We Are – Set in Fall 2006. As Elizabeth plans to take a paternity test, she learns she has been suspended from her job, suspected of providing Lucky with pills. Ric gives her an ultimatum: Lose your job, your child, and go to jail or testify against Jason. She turns to Jason for help, but their solution may just end up causing them more problems than they can solve. Shorter novel, at around 63,000 words.

Damaged, Seasons 1 and 2 – Begins in 2014, a rewrite of the entire show. After AJ Quartermaine is murdered, Port Charles looks to move on, either to forget what they’ve done or learn to live with what they know. Season 1 is 12 episodes, running about 74,000+ words and Season 2 is 14 episodes at 94,000 words.

If I Don’t Try With You – In 2008, moments after they become engaged, Jason and Elizabeth learn that Michael has been shot. What if she refuses to give up on their future? How does Carly let her little boy go? And can anyone control the fallout? This is a shorter novella, at 15,000+ words.

Since I started posting new content again (three years ago this month), I have written three full-length novels, two seasons of an ongoing series, and several shorter pieces, including some Christmas materials. To be honest, I’ve begun to stop feeling guilty about not posting so much in the last year because my output is roughly that of your average romance author. Except Nora Roberts, who is insanely prolific.  So I recommend anything I’ve written in the last three years, but please start with the list above for a reread. I am so proud of the stuff I’ve written since I started posting again. For a complete list of what I’ve written by year, check out Sort By Year Written.

For older recommendations, check out:

The Witness – I constantly recommend this one because I love it so much. It’s action with Jason and Liz friendship, Lucky screwing up, Scrubs, Carly being normal, Cassadine insanity. It’s a crazy story that was sooo much fun to write.

I Shall Believe – This story has serious flaws, but it’s one of the most popular stories I’ve ever written, and the one where I think I really challenged myself. Courtney is a full-fledged character here with her own storyline, and it was a lot of fun to write.

First Do No Harm – A short novella set in 2006 that is super angsty but turned out better than I ever could have anticipated. How the Liason paternity mess might have unraveled.

Intoxication – Written back in 2003. It’s not really Liason, it’s not really LiRic, it’s something in the middle, and it’s more of a legal story — if Sonny had been tried for pushing Liz at Rice Plaza back then.

Aurora Dawning – The only fantasy story I’ve ever written — Liz and Jason as chosen people to save a kingdom.

Daughters – Written partially in 2006-08, then completed in 2014. A semi-AU universe with Liz and Patrick as siblings trying to get through life.

Sanctuary – This is a Scrubs fic set in 2006, but if you pay attention there’s a Liason background plot running through it.

Yesterdays – One of my favorite AUs– Liz and Jason as divorced parents struggling to understand how it went wrong.

Take Me By the Hand – a trilogy about Elizabeth and Emily back in 2003, struggling with depression and cancer. Angsty, but something else I’m really proud of.

 

I hope this list helps tide you over until I get back.  🙂 I also still have Fiction Graveyard material that I need to post, so I’m working on cleaning some of that up. What’s left is super messed up and basically needs full edits so I’ll keep you posted.

I think I’ll just stop promising things to you guys, because it’s been hard to come through on any of them lately. Last month was annoying — mostly because I was playing catch up all month with class work and dealing with the allergy rash I’ve had since October. It was super bad last month, and incredibly distracting.

The good news is that I know what I’m allergic to. The bad news is that it’s formaldehyde and fragrance mix, two things that are basically in everything, so I have to replace almost every product I own. Super fun stuff.

Another obstacle has just been the quality of my writing. I feel like I’ve lost the ability to write for these characters — I wrote dialogue, and it’s not in those character’s voice, and it’s been really discouraging. I’ve been plugging away at it, and yesterday I wrote a Jason/Michael scene for Damaged that felt a lot closer to what I’m used to. I don’t know if I’ve turned a corner, I’m hoping.

Still here, still trying.

So as a follow up to yesterday, I made a new goal for February: Every day, I’ll write for at least 15 minutes, if not 30 minutes. If I make it to 30 minutes, I’ll post whatever I write a Flash Fiction. I may go over the 30 minutes, but I will never exceed an hour. And whatever I post, I can’t go back and edit. I might take concepts and rework them later, but the Flash Fiction stands. This is a writing experiment to kind of get my head back in the game and to stop worrying about quality so much. I’m a good writer, so the more I do it, the better it will be. That’s the dream anyway.

So, here’s your first February Flash Fiction: an homage to Nora Roberts and her novel, Montana Sky. I will likely to be continuing this, probably tomorrow, but it’s not awful, so that’s a good first step.

Flash Fiction 9: The Will

So. Here we are, like five months on from my so-called brief hiatus. Oy, right?

I was holding out, hoping for some material to post along with a new status update. For a host of reasons, that material hasn’t…well, materialized. Ha. I keep trying and throwing stuff out. Even my attempts at flash fiction are pretty putrid.

My creativity has been basically eliminated due to stress and exhaustion. I made the ridiculously stupid choice to continue working a second job after the summer was over, in addition to my regular sub job and the five classes. This January, that kind of snowballed into the worst week in recent history. My mother was diagnosed with pneumonia, so I had the responsibility of taking on her fifth grade class for six days, plus grad classes, and my other job. And babysitting. And studying for my Praxis Core exam. So I didn’t get home until after 8 every night–just ugh.

Anyway. That’s over. I survived. I also passed my Praxis Math test, which was a huge hurdle to overcome. I am hoping that my stress will get under control, and I’ll feel more into writing.

As always, I’m here. I’m trying. I’ll be back. I’m sure the muse will show up if I just keep hacking at it.

One of the reasons I haven’t checked in is I hate adding new posts and bothering you guys without giving you new material, but I also don’t like a ton of time to pass without giving some sort of notice I’m still alive and in this.

At the beginning of November, I had hoped that I would be able to participate in NaNoWriMo and get some of Bittersweet done. That just…never materialized. I managed straight A’s this semester, but I also gave myself a brand-new stress condition — hives.  Between papers, work, and itching myself into oblivion, I’ve just been worn out. Even the last week, with school over, the run up to the holidays was crazy. I’m the only single non parent in my family, so the extra errands fall to me.

However–and I know I’ve said this before–but next semester is looking up. I’m only taking three classes, and my tuition is less due to that fact, which means my refund will go a lot further. I’m actually going to be in the position to pay off my credit cards for the first time since I got my first card at the age of 20. Plus, I was offered a better position with better pay at the school where I work. If everything goes the way it should, it will be the first time in nearly three years that I’ll feel okay. And not so stressed about money and my job situation. A lot of my creative energy has been sapped, particularly over the last year and half due to stress.

I had hoped I would be able to pull together a short Christmas story for you guys, but I wasn’t able to find the time. That being said, I am still hopeful one of the two short stories I’m working on will be ready by New Year’s Day, which still makes it okay for a holiday story 😛 And by that time, I should have a good handle on how the time away from work and school is recharging my brain.

Still here. Just tired. 😛

It was never my intention to disappear after my last post, I promise. I wanted to continue with flash fiction and whatnot, but well…things never go to plan for me. You guys know my health has been crap the last two years and graduate classes have been crazy this semester. I’ve got a full course load, and one of those classes is a major 45 page research paper, 25 pages of which is due next Thursday. And now I’ve been stuck with an allergic reaction that my doctor is like shrugging me about the cause.

I am working Bittersweet for NaNoWriMo, and if this next week goes as well as I hope it does, I should be back on track to get back to flash fictions.

I’m still here. I just need real life to settle its ass down. Next semester is looking up: I’m not taking online classes, so there’s going to be extra money so I don’t need to pick up so many extra hours at my second job. I’m also only taking three classes with no big major research projects. I really really hope I can get my schedule back on track.

I love you guys and missing posting so much!

Flash fiction is up! It is not part of the medieval series, mostly because I can’t figure out who the bad guy is and I probably should know that soon 😛

Flash Fiction 8: An Unexpected Visit

I added Bittersweet, Chapter Eight tonight. The story is officially on hiatus as I remarked last week. I’ll keep you dated with how things unfold and when it will be returning.

Apologies for skipping last week’s flash fiction. My niece had her birthday party on Saturday, and I was also having an allergic reaction to my contacts which made eyes sensitive to the computer light. All is fixed and we’ll be back this week 🙂