But I fear
I have nothing to give
I have so much to loose here in this lonely place
Tangled up in our embrace
There’s nothing I’d like better than to fall
But I fear I have nothing to give.
I have so much to loose.
I have nothing to give.
We have so much to lose…
— Sarah McLachlan, Fear
Michael raised a hand to knock his mother’s hotel room hesitantly. Lu had gotten a call from her father, telling her that if Michael was with her, that Carly was staying in Room 456 at the Port Charles Hotel.
It’d taken another twenty minutes for Lu to convince him to go, but in the end, concern for his mother had overridden his anger and he’d gone.
He couldn’t forget that his mother had been kicked out of their home–or what his father–Sonny, he forced himself to think–had said to her. No one deserved that treatment from anyone, much less her husband.
Carly pulled the door open. “Michael,” she said, clearly relieved. “We–”
“We need to talk,” Michael cut in. “You can start with why Dad–Sonny–kicked you out and if you wouldn’t mind, you can round out by telling me why you let me believe he was my father instead of AJ Quartermaine.”
Carly’s face paled considerably, but he had to give her credit. She didn’t back down. “You’re right,” she said, taking a few deep breaths. “We do need to talk.”
Carly’s phone call to Ned had been short. She asked him to drop the twins off at the Spencers. When Ned had hung up the phone in Christie’s room he turned to his wife with sad eyes.
“What’s wrong?” Alexis asked.
Ned didn’t answer. He looked to the Corinthos twins and gave them a smile. “Hey, you’re going to visit your uncle Luke tonight.”
Andrew looked ecstatic while Amanda looked less than thrilled. “I want to talk to Christie,” she complained.
“Ned, can I talk to you in the hall,” Alexis said, standing. Ned followed her and she closed the hospital room door. “What’s going on?”
“Sonny kicked Carly out. She’s staying at the PC Hotel, but doesn’t want the twins alone with him right now, I guess. So, we’re supposed to drop them off at the Spencers.”
Alexis sighed. “I knew he’d react like this. I’m surprised he hasn’t stomped in here with a thousand demands.”
“Yeah….well, he’s barely known for twenty-four hours. Give him time.”
“I feel so bad for her.” Alexis looked back towards the door. “I’m glad the kids seem to be getting along.”
“We could bring them back tomorrow,” Ned offered. “I’m sure Carly would agree. Maybe…maybe we could even bring Eddie by. He misses Christie.”
Alexis wrapped her arms around him and kissed him softly. “I love you,” she murmured.
“Not that I’m complaining,” Ned said, leaning his forehead against hers. “But is there a reason for this sudden affection?”
“You’re just being so wonderful about all this when it’s possible we have to tell Christina the truth.”
Ned sighed. “Yeah…yeah, I know. But until then, let’s just pretend to be happy.”
Emily stared at Laura in shock. “You want me to marry Lucky so people won’t think badly of you?” she repeated, not positive she’d heard her right.
Laura flushed. “No, of course not! That’s not what I meant.”
Emily folded her arms on her desk and leaned forward. “Then what did you mean?”
“I just…I just don’t think you should make decisions based on what you think Lucky feels. If he tells you he loves you, you should trust him,” Laura said.
“Laura, you know that I love you,” Emily began, “but I can’t ignore what I see in front of my face. His eyes light up when someone mentions her name, he gets practically giddy when she’s around and when I told him the other day that Liz was pushing Jason away after the miscarriage, I could almost see the gears turning in her head.”
Changing her tone to a gentler one, she said, “I could ignore it, but I don’t think it’s very fair to me or to this child for its parents to pretend they’re in love just to satisfy some ridiculous people’s out-dated thinking. I still want to raise this child with Lucky–and I want him to be a part of the child’s life, but I can’t settle for someone who’s only with me because he can’t have who he really wants.”
“I just can’t believe that Lucky would still feel that way after all this time,” Laura murmured. “It’s been…what? Ten years almost since they broke up?”
“Lucky and Liz had this once in a life time relationship,” Emily said. “They were each other’s first loves and somehow, Elizabeth has learned to let go of that idea and put it in her past. I have no doubt she adores my brother–I know that she loves Jason more than anything else and that he loves her–that it’s a forever after kind of love.” Emily met Laura’s eyes. “And I know you can relate to how she feels.”
Laura sat back, her eyes a little wide. “Why would you say that?”
“You married Scott Baldwin pretty young, before you met Luke right?” Emily said. “And I know you fell in love with Luke when you were still married to Scott.”
“That’s true,” Laura said softly. “But I couldn’t help it. Luke’s…he’s the other half of my soul.”
“Yes,” Emily agreed. “You and Luke are not only once in a lifetime, you’re forever after. You got lucky that way. But that didn’t stop you from trying again with Scott, right?”
A little unnerved by the blunt way Emily was speaking to her, Laura shifted in her seat. “Yes. Well, I was older. We were different people and I thought my marriage to Luke was over.”
“Liz and Lucky were different people the second time around, and she thought she’d lost Jason. But when it came down to it, neither of you could make the commitment, remember?”
Laura sighed. “I guess. But I just think that if she hadn’t let him believe–”
“As easy as it would be to blame Elizabeth–and believe me,” Emily smiled, “I’ve tried–Lucky even says himself he knew going in that she probably still loved Jason–that she wasn’t over him. He knew she wanted to forget him and he was willing to let her forget Jason with him. That wasn’t a very smart thing to do and Lucky knows that. But that doesn’t change the facts. He’s still in love with her and I shouldn’t have to settle.”
Laura looked away. “Maybe Lucky only thinks he’s still in love with–”
“He thinks he’s in love with me,” Emily said, looking down at the desk. “But a woman knows if a man’s telling the truth when he says it–if she really knows the man, and she looks enough…she’ll find the truth. Lucky will always be my very best friend–but we just don’t work that way.”
“All right,” Laura conceded finally. “Have you decided on a cleaning agency to open Wyndemere?”
Emily smiled at her almost mother-in-law and handed her a piece of papers. “These are the best in the area–do you have a preference?”
“No,” Laura said, shoving the paper back at her. “I trust you.”
“Laura…for what’s worth,” Emily said, meeting her eyes, “I wish it could have been different.”
“Yeah,” Laura sighed quietly. “I do, too. I just want everyone to be happy and right now…no one is.”
Emily frowned. “What does that mean?”
“Well, Elizabeth had the miscarriage, you and Lucky broke up, I think Carly and Sonny are having troubles–and Carly went to Luke for advice, so you know it has to be bad. I think Lu’s trying to help everyone, but she’s going to end up spreading herself too thin, I know that about her. She’s too much like Elizabeth when it comes to helping people. It’s everyone first and herself later. Not to mention, Gia’s cancer and little Christie being sick–everything’s falling apart at once.”
“Yeah,” Emily agreed. “It does seem to be happening that way. I wish there was something we could do.” She tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. “Have you seen Liz since it happened?”
Laura shook her head. “I stopped by the hospital, but she was sleeping. And she’s checked out now. Have you?”
“Jason thinks…” Emily sighed and looked at her protruding belly. “Liz is taking this really hard and he thinks that with me being pregnant…now might not be the best time. She was supposed to come today. I called but Lu said she wasn’t there yet.”
“She’s been baby-sitting Dee and Davie,” Laura said. She smiled. “Jason’s so much like Luke–I know he’d hate to admit it, but as much as they love their kids…I think if anything happened to Elizabeth…” Laura shrugged.
“Jason would never forgive himself.” Emily sighed. “He’s a nut like that, y’know? Even if it wasn’t his fault, he’d still think it was. He loves her so much…I’ve never known a love like theirs. He slept on a chair in the hallway of the hospital because she wouldn’t let him in and he refused to leave. That’s love.”
“I just hope…I hope Elizabeth is okay,” Laura said. “You and she are so close to my heart, Emily. Even though you and Lucky broke up, you know that I still consider you a daughter and Elizabeth, too. You were there for Lucky when he really needed friends. Both of you–and you’ve earned your own space in my heart.”
Emily smiled warmly. “Thanks, Laura. You have no idea what that means to me.”
Jason raised an eyebrow. “Say that again.”
Lu sighed and shifted Davie to her lap. “Sonny kicked Carly out, Michael found out AJ’s his dad, so I think maybe Sonny needs your help. I’m here to look after the kids since I know Liz…I know she’s not feeling well.”
“Lu–” Jason began.
“Jase,” Lu cut in. “Look, she’s asleep and it’s late. You know that Liz isn’t going to wake up until the morning. Michael didn’t say it–but I think he’s worried about Sonny. He said this fight was more vicious than he’s ever heard. He’s so mad at Sonny and I think he’s a little ticked off at Carly, but he still loves him.”
“Yeah…” Jason sighed. “You’ll make sure Dee and Davie get to bed?”
“I promise. I just don’t…I don’t think Michael wants Sonny left alone right now. Unless someone makes sure he’s all right.”
Jason stood from the couch and headed to the front door. “Did he say what the fight was about?”
Lu shook her head. “He didn’t hear that part.”
He hesitated before leaving. “How’s Michael?”
“He’s a little thrown,” Lu admitted. “He’s been dealt a very large dose of reality today and I don’t think he was prepared. Michael’s with Carly right now–no doubt demanding answers. Ned and Alexis dropped the twins off at my parents house so they’re in good hands.”
“Thanks, Lu.” Jason pulled the door shut.
“I knew I should have told him,” Carly said quietly. “But every time I wanted to…I remember when someone had done the same thing to me.”
Michael leaned forward on the desk chair he was sitting on. “Who?”
Carly tucked her legs underneath her on the bed. “Her name was Robin Scorpio and she’s Jason ex-girlfriend. It’s part of the secret we kept from you, Michael. When I became pregnant with you…I was in a very bad place in my place. I’ve done a lot of things I’m not proud of.” She took a deep breath. “You know I was adopted right?”
“Right,” Michael nodded. He was going to give his mother the benefit of the doubt and hear her out before he made any judgments.
“I was a very angry person–because I thought that my mother had given me up and now she had this great life here. She was successful, had a good husband and a son of her own.” Even now, the pain of being abandoned still stung and Carly blinked back tears. “So, I did what I always do.”
Michael gave his mother a small smile. “You came up with a scheme that backfired.”
“Actually…this was the one plan that worked,” Carly replied. “I destroyed her life–or so I thought. I stole her husband, but you know Bobbie–she bounced right back anyway. And now they’re remarried. But anyway, Tony and Bobbie divorced and I moved in with him. It wasn’t really that bad–you know because I even liked him a little. He took care of me.”
Telling her son her dark secrets was not something Carly had seen herself doing but here she was–confiding in him in the hopes he’d somehow manage to understand her twisted way of thinking. “But Tony…he was an older man…and well…” she shrugged a little. “I met Jason that way.”
Michael frowned. “I so did not need that image.”
“Sorry. Well, anyway, eventually that ended and we became friends. But a while after that…Tony and I had a fight and I left. I went to Jake’s and I had too much to drink.”
“And AJ was there,” Michael said.
Carly leaned forward. “Michael you were the best thing that ever happened to me. It doesn’t matter why you’re here, but you changed my life. I am so much better because of you–I need you to understand that.” Her dark eyes pleaded with him for understanding.
“Okay, Mom. I understand.” Michael gestured for her to continue.
“This where I start my trend of schemes that backfire,” Carly replied. She looked down at the comforter that covered the bed. “I got back with Tony after that night and I thought…well, I figured Tony never needed to know. But then I found out I was pregnant. And I had…” Carly swallowed hard. “I had no idea who the father was.”
A little stunned, Michael sat back. “You had no idea?”
Jason pushed the already ajar penthouse door open. He frowned when he didn’t see Johnny at his usual post.
Sonny was sitting on the couch, his face away from the door. Jason took in the damage to the downstairs–the smashed bar, the broken chairs, and the broken window.
He closed the door behind him. “Hey.”
“Go away Jason.”
Jason smirked–but there was no humor in it. “You sound like my wife.”
Sonny twisted a little. “Don’t tell me the fairy-tale marriage is on the rocks,” he bit out.
Jason shrugged. “She’s taking the miscarriage hard. So, how was your day?”
Sonny chuckled bitterly. “Since you’re already here, I think you know.”
“I only know that Michael found out about AJ,” Jason answered. “He overheard you and Carly fighting. Why’d you throw her out, Sonny?”
Sonny shrugged his shoulders like it was an everyday occurrence. “She betrayed me again.”
Jason came away from the door and kneeled next to the broken chair. After a quick examination, he declared it a loss. “Mandy and Drew are staying with the Spencers. I think it’d be for the best if they weren’t here tonight.”
Sonny nodded. “Yeah.” He sighed. “Yeah, that’s true.”
Jason studied the broken glass on the floor and idly wondered how much Sonny spent replacing it every time. “You want to tell me what happened?”
“You remember when you found out Alexis was pregnant and you came to tell me?” Sonny asked, his voice monotone.
Jason nodded. “Yeah. She said the baby–” he stopped. “Christina’s your daughter.”
“You always were the sharp one,” Sonny murmured.
“And Carly knew.”
“Yep.” Sonny stared at the fireplace. “Knew all along.”
“So you kicked her out.”
“Yep.”
Jason scrubbed his hands over his face. Which meant Carly was going nuts probably already with a dozen schemes to get him back.
“You sure you want to do that?”
“You know how I am about trust, Jason. Carly knew–and she disregarded it.”
“I also know you have a double standard.”
Sonny’s head jerked up and he glared at him. “What?”
“You keep secrets from Carly all the time–and it’s not always about business,” Jason pointed. He sighed. “Look, you’ve got two kids. You can’t just kick her out because she makes you mad. I’d like to help you out Sonny, but Elizabeth just got home from the hospital today and she’s still…she’s still upset. I don’t want to leave Lu there too long. So, I’m going now. But I want you remember something–you knew exactly who Carly was and what she was like–and you fell in love with her anyway. You make each other happy–you need to decide if that still matters enough.” Jason headed towards the door but turned back just before he left.
“You know…if you need me…you can call me,” Jason said.
“Yeah. Yeah, I know.”
Carly grimaced. “Yeah…I know…I know how bad that seems and it doesn’t get any better.” She paused. “You sure you want to hear this?”
“Uh…yeah,” Michael said after a moment. “I think I need to hear this.” He shook his head to clear his thoughts. Whatever had happened had occurred before his born, nearly seventeen years ago. His mother was different–better now.
“AJ…back then…he had a drinking problem. A very bad drinking problem. Coupled with the crazy Quartermaine family, I didn’t want my child–you–anywhere near him. Since AJ didn’t remember the night…I thought I’d be okay. Tony and I would raise you–it’d all work out.”
“But it didn’t work out that way.”
“No. AJ started to remember, so I schemed to make him think he was drinking again so he’d leave town. It almost worked until he started getting suspicious. He figured it out what happened, did the math and decided the baby could be his.” Carly ran a hand through her hair and sighed. “I tried to hold him off by faking sonogram results, but he wouldn’t let up. Then Tony found out and they both started threatening to take you away from me and I couldn’t let that happen, Michael. You were my child–I was the only person who had a right to raise you.”
Michael nodded, feeling strangely numb. “So what happened?”
Carly shifted a little uncomfortable. “I told everyone you were Jason’s.”
“And he let you get away with that?” Michael said, skeptical.
“He promised to keep my secret. Anyway, after you were born, we found out AJ was your father, but by then, everyone believed it about Jason. I had…I had a bad case of postpartum depression and split town. I left you with Jason.” A smile crossed her face. “Jason raised you as his son for over a year and I still think there’s not a person in this world who loves you more than he does.”
“Jason…was my father for an entire year?” Michael repeated.
“Well, you were kidnapped by Tony and I was a little upset when he only got off with a light sentence…so I, uh,” she smiled sheepishly. “I shot him in open court and went to Ferncliff for a little while.”
Michael smirked. “You shot Tony for me?” He frowned. “Wait. I was kidnapped?”
Carly sighed. “Wow. We really did keep a lot from you. Yeah…Tony went slightly loco when you weren’t his son and he kidnapped you and Robin. You were safe, of course. Not a scratch on you.”
“Oh.” Michael shifted in his chair. Wasn’t everyday you learned you’d been kidnapped. “That must have been tough.”
“I was scared,” Carly agreed. “But Jason tore the town apart when you were gone.”
“So, how’d you end up with Da–Sonny,” Michael said, quickly correcting himself.
Carly sighed. “That’s a whole other story, kid.” She looked outside. “It’s getting late.” She returned her glance to her son. “Mandy and Drew are at the Spencers.”
“Yeah, I know,” Michael said. He studied her. “You okay, Mom?”
“I don’t know. Do you hate me?” Carly asked.
Michael looked down at his hands and thought about it for a while. Finally he raised his head. “I love you, Mom. I don’t always understand the things you do, but you have a valid reason for doing them. Even if the reason worries me.” He gave her a tired smile. “No. I don’t hate you. I’m not real thrilled, but…” he shrugged. “As for Sonny–he had no right to treat you the way he did this afternoon. I don’t care what you did. He had no right to say those things to you or kick you out.”
He stood and sat next to her on the bed. “Whatever you want to do, I’ll support you.”
Carly sighed. “You know…I think you have Jason’s temperament. You sure don’t have mine, Sonny or even AJ’s.”
Michael cracked a little smile. “I can think of worse people to be like.”
“Honey,” Carly said, brushing hair out Michael’s face. “If end up being half as wonderful as Jason, you’re very lucky.” She sighed. “So, I guess you’re not going to the penthouse tonight.”
“No. You want me to stay here, on the couch?”
Carly nodded. “If you want.”
“And tomorrow…we’ll figure everything out.”
After paying Lu and sending her home (Lu slipped the fifty Jason had given her in the flower pot–she never took his money. Elizabeth would usually retrieve it.), Jason checked on Dee and Davie who were sleeping peacefully and then he went to bed.
Elizabeth was fast asleep on her side of the bed–it looked like she hadn’t moved since he’d last seen her. He changed and slipped into bed beside her.
On most nights–even if Elizabeth was already asleep–she’d roll over and they’d sleep in each other’s arms.
On this night…she curled into a tight little ball and never moved.
Comments
Another great update. Glad Jason reminded Sonny, not only that he’s a hypocrit but that he’s always known who Carly is and they have something worth fighting for.