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– 10 –
Six weeks of breathing clean air I still miss the smoke
Were you making fun of me with some esoteric joke?
Now I want to sell my house and set fire to all my clothes
And hire a priest to come and exorcise my demons
 Even if I die screaming
And I hope you hear it

—

When Jason stepped inside the penthouse, he was greeted by stony silence. Carly sat on the sofa, her arms crossed, and Sonny at the fireplace, a glass of liquor in his hand. Her cheeks were tear-strained, and Sonny’s hair was disheveled.

“Look who finally decided to return,” Sonny snarled, tossing back the last of the liquor and sauntering over to the minibar. “Don’t worry, you’re off the hook.”

“Off the—” Jason looked at Carly, who looked at him with such misery it felt like a punch to the gut. “What happened?”

“You lied to me. For weeks and months, you’ve made me the v-villain. The joke.” Her voice broke, and she got to her feet. “You made me a punchline. You let me live with him, knowing what he’d done—”

“We were separated—” Sonny tossed over his shoulder. “I’m sure you screwed Lorenzo, too—”

“I already knew you had the morals of an alley cat,” Carly spat, but turned her malevolent glare to Jason. “You lied to me. You put that whore across the hall, and you let me believe that baby was yours. You made me a fool, Jason. You were—” Her voice broke. “You were supposed to be my friend. Everyone says how much you sacrifice for me, how much I owe you—”

“Carly—” Jason held up his hands.

“But you did this, so what, Sonny could be near his bastard?” Carly demanded. “You could have made Jax the father, not you! But that’s not what you did, is it? You put Sonny above me, above my boys, above yourself—”

Jason exhaled slowly. “Let me explain—”

“I hate who I’ve become, I’ve hated myself for treating you the way I have for weeks, I’ve been so disappointed in myself for not being able to support you becoming a father because of how much I hated that bitch, and how much I knew she’d ruin your life—” Carly sucked in a shaky sob. “And it was all a lie. You did this to me. You lied, Jason. Over and over and over. What kind of friend does this? You let me live a lie. How could you do this to me? To yourself?”

She broke down, turned away, and Jason wanted to move towards her, to offer comfort, to argue, to do something. But his legs felt as heavy as concrete, and he couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t make the words come out.

“Sam’s gone,” Sonny said, and Jason looked at him blankly. “She’s gone to a hotel. Your life is yours again. What’s left of it.” He raised his voice slightly. “Max, Jason’s leaving.”

Jason heard the door open behind him, then slowly turned and left.

The penthouse across the hall was, indeed, empty. Sam had traveled light, and it probably hadn’t taken more than ten minutes for her to leave.

Your life is yours again. What’s left of it.

-11-
And I hope it’s shitty
In The Black Dog
When someone plays The Starting Line and you jump up
But she’s too young to know this song

—

We need a new understanding. And there will be no second chances. No negotiations.

Back upstairs in her room, she stood over Cameron’s crib, sliding her fingers over the smooth wood, looking around the room, once again taking in all the furniture. The donations from her grandmother, from close family friends — her grandfather’s rocking chair, Felicia’s bassinet, the changing table from a nurse who liked Audrey — and her grandmother who had only sighed when Elizabeth had called from California.  “Your room is always here, darling. Though I wish you’d change your mind and stay where you are.”

Maybe she should have. Maybe she should have just ignored her conscience, gone on letting the world believe Zander was Cameron’s father, stayed in California and begun that fresh start.  It was too late for maybes now, but she thought she might have preferred the lifelong guilt at keeping the secret than this aching, hollowness of knowing that Jason knew, he was happy, and yet — he’d forgotten their son at the first moment.

She picked up her son, cradling him against his shoulder, breathing in his baby-powder scent, the soft blond hair, the slight weight of him against her chest. She wanted so badly to be a good mother, to be whatever he needed. To do right by Cameron even though she’d failed herself so many times.

She heard the clearing of a throat and turned to find Audrey in the doorway. “Well?”

“You want an answer now?” Elizabeth asked. “I can’t think about it—”

“What is there to think about, Elizabeth? I am offering you a home, a place for you and your son. Financial support as you make a decision for what you want next. If you want to go back to school, if you want to find a good job, I will help you. I’ll be here,” Audrey said. She stepped forward, stroked Elizabeth’s hair. “Whatever you need from me to make a life for you and your son, I will give it to you.”

“But you want me to cut Jason out,” Elizabeth said unsteadily. “You want me to keep Cameron from his father—”

“I am asking you to speed up a future that will almost certainly happen. Darling, hasn’t he already proved himself with what happened today? He failed the very first task you asked of him. To show up. And if he can’t show up now, when the news is so fresh, what makes you think it will change later, when he realizes he can rely on you to do all the difficult work and he can sweep in from time to time with money and gifts and leave again. If he even bothers with that much.”

Elizabeth closed her eyes, the tears hot, stinging beneath her lids. “You don’t know him the way I do, Gram. He loves so much, a-and it’s hard for him to let go of Michael—”

“It’s been five years, my dear. If he hasn’t let go by now, he never will. And you and Cam will always come second to Michael and his mother.”

Maybe. Maybe that was true. And oh, it was so tempting to let Audrey sway her, to accept the distinct possibility that Jason would never be able to stop seeing Sonny and Carly as burdens that were his alone to bear. She laid Cameron back into the bassinet, and his eyes were open. He kicked his chubby legs, batted his arms, and looked at her with those beautiful blue eyes. Jason’s eyes.

“Elizabeth—”

She looked at Audrey. “I know you’ve said these things because you love me. Because you believe I need to hear them. And I do. I do need to confront the reality in front of me. But it’s not the one you’re offering.”

“I don’t understand—”

“You think you’re asking me to choose myself and Cameron, but I did that once. I chose Cameron when I decided his father needed to know about him. I chose myself when I decided I couldn’t live with the guilt of holding in that secret.”

“And that’s admirable, but—”

“I had so many opportunities to choose Jason,” she murmured. She stroked her knuckle down Cameron’s cheek. “When Lucky was here. When Jason was begging me to believe him that Lucky was dangerous—he saw before any of us—that the brainwashing hadn’t held. He wanted me to choose him. And I didn’t.”

“You were so young—”

“I chose Lucky. I chose what Lucky needed more than me. And today, Gram, you’re not asking me to choose myself. You’re asking me to choose you.” Elizabeth’s breath was shaky. “You’re asking me to choose your love and support. And if I don’t give you what you want, you’ll make me leave.”

“Elizabeth—”

“I can’t do that. I—can’t—if it was just me, I think I would. I think I would crumble underneath it because I love you so much, and I don’t want to lose you.” She closed her eyes again. “But it’s not just me. And I won’t condemn Jason after one day. One mistake and I take his son? How can that be fair, Gram? How can you ask it of me?”

Audrey sighed, and stroked Elizabeth’s hair one more time. “I love you, too. And I’m so sorry. But this is for your own good.  I’ll give you a day to pack your things, but the furniture – that was given to me. And it stays. You know where to find me if you change your mind.”

– 12 –

That was intertwined in the tragic fabric of our dreaming
‘Cause tail between your legs, you’re leaving
I still can’t believe it
‘Cause old habits die screaming

—

She’d done it.

Even as her grandmother had begged her to reconsider, Elizabeth had packed as many of Cameron’s clothes as she could manage, as much as she could of her own, and she’d loaded the car. It had taken three trips, and then she’d lifted Cameron, startled from his nap, into his arms, and he’d started to cry.

Maybe she was insane. Certainly, she was impulsive. She likely could have taken a day, talked to Jason, but she was so terrified that she’d crumble, that she’d wilt beneath her grandmother’s disapproval but certainty. Audrey would always be there, even if it was with strings and conditions.

Jason…

Well, she would give him a chance. She wouldn’t walk away from him this time.

Except now she found herself in the lobby of Harborview Towers, a fussy infant in her arms, and the reality of her situation setting in.

She had no home. No place for Cameron to sleep, a way to feed him, and very little money to her name.  And everything rested on how Jason reacted to her just showing up — the very action she’d discarded this morning.

But she needed to know. She had to know where they stood.

She stepped up to the front desk, smiling tremulously at the guard behind the counter. He didn’t look familiar, and she hoped that wouldn’t be a problem. “Um, can you call up to Jason? Tell him Elizabeth — ” She looked down at Cameron’s miserable face, then back at the guard. “Elizabeth and Cameron are down here.”

The guard furrowed his brow, then picked up the phone. “He’ll know who I’m talking about?”

“Yes.”

The guard was quiet, waiting for the call to connect. “Mr. Morgan, I’ve got an Elizabeth and Cameron in the lobby for you. Should I send them up—” He stopped, nodded. “All right.” He set the phone back down, looked at her. “He said he’ll be right down.”

She exhaled slowly, forced a smile, then turned away, hoping that her reaction didn’t show in her face. Of course he wouldn’t send her up — not with the circus he’d described in detail — the one she’d seen evidence of in the park when Carly had attacked her. But Sonny and Carly had to know some time, didn’t they?

And Sam. Sam was pretending to have Jason’s child. If she could be upstairs, why couldn’t Jason’s actual son?

Her hands were trembling, and she readjusted Cameron again, stroking his back as he fussed again. “It’s all right, baby.” She kissed the top of his head. “We’ll figure this out. Mommy — she’ll figure it out.” Maybe there was a credit card she hadn’t used or even — there was always Emily. It would be galling to ask for a loan, but for her son—

She heard the soft ding of the elevator, and turned back to see Jason hurrying towards her, his features creased in worry. “What happened? Are you all right?” he asked, approaching them. He lifted his hands as if to reach for Cameron —

And then let them fall to his side, with a sweep of his eyes of the area to see who was watching. Her courage, her stupid impulse evaporated. “This — this was a mistake. I’m sorry. I’m sorry to bother you. We’ll go.”

—

Jason caught Elizabeth by the elbow when she turned away. “Wait. Wait. Tell me what’s wrong?” Why was she here? Was Cameron sick? Had Audrey said something?

Elizabeth’s lower lip quivered as she faced him, and she bit down hard. “I need to know where you stand. I—I can’t do this. I can’t sit and wait and be in the dark—”

He held up a hand, and she closed her mouth. “Did I miss something?” he asked, bewildered. “We talked about this earlier—”

“And my grandmother came home, and she—” Elizabeth let out a short breath. “I was planning a life in California. A good one. I had a job and an apartment, and Cameron had somewhere to sleep, and I knew what all my tomorrows looked like. I was ready to be a single mother, to make sure my son had everything he wanted. I could have done that.”

“I know—” He curled his hands into fists at his side. “Is—is what you want? To go back?”

“No. God.” She huffed. “No. But I can’t do this. I was going to let you figure this out in your own time because I can’t stand to be one more person begging you to do something. To demand something from you, and if it was just me, I wouldn’t bother. But it’s not. It’s my son. And he deserves the best I can give him. I thought—I still think that should include you. But he shouldn’t have to wait while you fix your life. He shouldn’t take the backseat.”

“No, he shouldn’t—”

“So we’re going to decide right now how it’s going to be so I can make decisions for what tomorrow looks like. I need to know if you’re going to be here or if you’re just going to be a voice on the phone to him.”

“I—”

“Jason.”

He turned at the sound of his name, the relief at the interruption fading immediately when he saw Sonny by the elevators. The other man looked at the two of them, staring at Elizabeth for a long moment, before focusing on Jason. “We have to talk. Now.”

Jason grimaced, then looked back to Elizabeth, and the suggestion to her that they finish this later died on his lips when he saw the way her eyes had dropped to the ground, the way her shoulders had tensed. Bracing for the impact of what she knew was coming.

What always happened when he was standing with her, and someone else called. If he told her to go home, or even to wait in the now empty penthouse for him to deal with Sonny, she might listen. She might even let him finish the conversation. And they might even be able to move on from it.

But there would always be this moment. If he sent her away now to deal with Sonny, even if it was just to get rid of him —

He would never be able to take it back.

“You have my number,” Elizabeth said, forcing the words out. “When you know—”

He caught her elbow again—reached out almost desperately to stop her. “Wait. Don’t go. Don’t go,” he repeated when she looked at him, her eyes tremulous, hopeful. “Don’t go,” he said a third time. “I can do this.” He reached out, and she carefully transferred Cameron into his arms, and Jason carefully adjusted him against his shoulder, stroking his son’s back. Cameron fussed, still not used to him —

“Jason, what’s going on?” Sonny demanded, striding towards them. “I’m sorry, Elizabeth, if something’s wrong, it’s going to have to wait. Unless it’s life or death. Jason and I have to talk—”

“No, we don’t.” Jason looked at Sonny, at his oldest friend. “I’m busy. Tonight. And tomorrow. And for the rest of the month. And after that. ”

Sonny furrowed his brow, shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “What?”

Jason turned so he and Cameron were facing Sonny. “I want you to meet Cameron. My son.”

THE END

You need to know that you very nearly got a sad ending to keep with the song, but we’ve had enough angst for one fandom. <3

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